Done

Now, the second of 2 days, done. Thanksgiving went well, though Stoney blew us off. Christmas-almost as well, with Stoney AGAIN declining to make an appearance.

Went to Toxichouse to pickup Stoney, "uh, I'm not going." Told him the least he could do is call them. Fuck him. All went well until the end, @ which point Angela was so kind as to give me her unsolicited opinion of my parenting, i.e. "you're culpable......." Nice, ho ho ho. THIS is what Jeeeeezus would do? Nice to have the luxury of making judgements which were not requested, and which are dead wrong. When pressed, i.e, "where did you get the information to form these judgements, she responded "Keith, when he was 12." YOU do the math. Stupid cunt.

Woke up this am, after listening to Stoney's herbal pursuits, he asks "so, uh, did you get me anything for Christmas?" To which I responded, "did you even wish me a 'Happy Birthday,' let alone a 'Merry Christmas?' ." So, I got him the gift card. Does he deserve it? No, does he contribute? Does he do ANYTHING other than sleep, smoke, and play? No. Does he violate my privacy and invade my space? Yes. But Angela says I'm "culpable." As if the cunt is qualified to make any judgement? The same cunt who drove away husband #1, and fucked up Kevin.

Yesterday I ran, today I will run. Life is good.

Ho Ho wtf?

This'll be the first year w/no tree or any of the Christmas shit.

In years past it was always a tussle, but with Bitch out, it no longer is.

Deeply in debt, but always had gifts for everyone (except the Father, Husband, Bill Payer).

Deeply in debt, gave everyone I Pods, and what did I get? A dollar store tin (yes) of sweets.

So, fuck it.

And for my birthday, did Stoney even make a comment? A card? Zip.

Just like his mother.

So, with the Queen sized bed drugaddictedboundarycrossingbitchacrossthestreetandherhusband arranged for Stoney to have blocking half the living room, no tree this year.

Bitch always had plenty for shit decorations, but zip for Its husband.

Stoney had plenty for weed, but not even a birthday card.

Just like mommy.

So, last eve, spent some time with her. Really made my night when she texted me. Out of the blue, a wonderful, gorgeous girl contacts me to say I've been missed. Always had a place in my heart and continues to do so. Thanks God for taking care of me.

Quite a departure from "you're a scumbag motherfucker who deserves to die a slow painful death," (THAT, from a person who fooled too many into thinking It was a model of sobriety???????????????????? As too many drugs to list are found in Its system. Died sober?????????). THERE'S an example of spousal relations you wanna replicate.

Nice to come home and chill rather than face nightly verbal abuse. Not a nanosecond goes by when the Bitch is missed.

Ho ho.

Long Time Coming

Look in the trash, what do I find? Mail, addressed to me, from the Medical Examiner's office. Remember the Thanksgiving conversation re: Stoney growing up exactly like his mother? More proof. The mail itself was nowhere to be found, the envelope was.


He actually thinks he has the right to this. Mail addressed to me.


Just like mommy.


When I asked for it, he insisted on witnessing me, and wouldn't let me have it.


Think he'll grow up like It?????????????????????????


Of course, the results were what we knew.


And, little does he know, I already have a copy. (they called me).


Remember, he violates my privacy, thus is also reading this.


Enjoy.


And yes, I made copies, so every twat, asshole, and cunt who accused me of wrongdoings can have their own copy.


Bitch was high as a kite when it died, left "sobriety" behind, and left Its bullshit religion/faith in a cloud of drugs.


THIS is what Jesus would do???????????????????????????


I ran, I'm good.

Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving was drama free. Stoney was nowhere to be found. That was actually a good thing, since he became the topic of conversation.

Amazing how the lack of one person can change the entire dynamic.

Bitch gone, a great time was had by all present. Since that asshole is no longer among us, conversation flowed freely, no anger, no mental illness. Was REALLY a great day.

Stoney WAS missed, but that was actually a good thing.

Dubious???

Had a very good day. Hung w/her for a while, then got my miles. Caught a flick, nice.

Went to a meeting, good.

Then, THEN, the asshole running the meeting refers to this woman who dies under "dubious" circumstances.

"Dubious?" Suicide by overdose is dubious?

Bitch REALLY had 'em fooled.

And THIS asshole, questioning it? Really has some balls.

Then again, he IS on psych meds, not unlike "Ms.Dubious."

Reap what you sow

Still reeling from Bitch's tox results. THIS from an individual who fooled SOME of the people ALL of the time. Ironic how these came out within days of Its birthday/"sobriety" date, when in fact It dies VERY much under the influence.

THIS from an individual who spewed religious bullshit (nice sense of faith), who spewed bullshit about "love" of Its son and dog (if you loved them, you set one HELL of an example, escaping everything, running from your problems, portraying the father as satanic), who left nothing but garbage and debt. Best of all, NOT dying "sober," and "quitting BEFORE the miracle."

Good riddance. Not a second goes by when you are missed. All you left was damage. Nice way to be remembered.

p.s. Your son sold his ps 4 as he lacked $$$. Really left a great legacy.

The Results Are In

"Combined acute intoxication with oxycodone, quetiapine, venlafaxine, and tramadol."

Useless, drug addicted, self involved Bitch.

Smart

Was tempted to do the local race, but had missed consecutive runs on The Line, so, opted to keep $30 in my pocket and run a better course.

Good thing I did.

Ran into my peeps, hung out, and best of all: got my miles!

Sometimes you gotta be smart n go with your gut.

Happy Birthday

Today would've been Bitch's birthday.

WAS Its sober date, but hard to be sober when you suicide by OVERDOSE.

...guess the date hasta be adjusted.

Just Like Mommy, Pt 2

Woke up this am, Stoney has a queen sized mattress taking up the living room. In an attempt to get out the front door, I-quietly-say "I'm turning the light on," then leave. He texts me telling me to buy mayo, mustard, and ketchup. I responded I will not as I use neither. He responds.....bottom line: again, he'd rather spend all his $ on weed.

He gives me shit about "slamming" the front door-HOW many times (as I slept on the couch, or tried to) did he, his girl, and assorted slackers, traipse through the living room, turn the light on, and repeatedly slam the front door??????????????????????????

He gives me shit aboyt turning the light on. Now, WHY did I havta turn the light on? Better I trip onto the huge bed taking up nearly every inch?

Amazing, really, the boy needs help.

And best of all, HE'S JUST LIKE HIS MOTHER. He doesn't even see it.

Even the mattress on the living room floor. Remember the air mattresses?????????????

Contributes ZERO. Not even moral support. Doesn't clean a fucking thing. The other day his girl was there, climbing all over the couch. He now has Guitar Hero for PS4. How much was THAT?

But I'm called on to buy condiments?????????????

Can't WAIT 'til the fridge breaks.

Fuck 'em. I didn't think I'd get my run in (rain), but got up extra early, got my miles.

It's in the genes

Exterminator came to rid the bedroom of bedbugs. Left some traps for Stoney's room. When I urged him to clean his room, he didn't. When I asked about the traps...well..let's just say they're still in the box.

Last night, come home, he tells me we need to call in the exterminator. Bed bugs in HIS bedroom.

Now, remember, he blamed my staying in hotels for the bedbugs.

WHY did I HAVE TO stay in hotels? BITCH made Toxichouse so vile I was forced to.

WHO slept in MY bed when I wasn't there? Stoney and his girlfriend.

WHO bought TONS of shit @ the thrift store, yet DIDN'T clean anything???

Where YOU think the bedbugs came from???

Exterminator was on the phone with me yesterday, remarking about the condition of Stoney's room.

A pig, just like Mommy.

The sad part: I repeatedly asked him to clean up.

His response: "stay outta my room." This, from the same person who raids my garage, when a simple request would yield whatever he seeks.

Just like Mommy.

Remember the garage door fiasco? "I'm gonna RIP that lock off the door." My response "whenever you want to get into the garage, I'll happily unlock it." What does the TWAT do? Has Stoney destroy the garage door. Bitch.

Hope he breaks Its cycle and sees the light.

Wjhat did It leave him? A flawed mental process. And a whole lotta nothing.

Well Trained

Bitch trained Stoney well.

Yesterday, Its groupies arrive in the house, bearing bags of groceries. The day before, Stoney told me to buy butter. Let that sink in.

He works, has zero responsibilities, smokes daily, and has others buy his groceries.

Well trained n'est pas?

And he has the balls to ask anything of me? WHAT exactly does he contribute to the house? Oh yes, he trashes my belongings.

Just like his mother.

It's my job

PsychoBitch enables a daily weed smoking child. Psychobitch kills Itself, leaving the responsible one to mop up. Household matters must be managed. Pipe leaks. Plumber called. Stoney asks "can it NOT be between 9-11am, I'll be sleeping." Let that sink in. HE gets PISSED that he MIGHT have his sleep interrupted DURING THE DAY. You know, when the rest of earth is working?????????

Stay up all night, sleep all day.

I'm living with a rockstar.

Texts me raging that "you don't give me money.....mommy killed herself..." meanwhile, WHOTHEFUCK pays for EVERYTHING?????????? Does he have ANY responsibilities? Does he contribute AT ALL?  No.

Who paid for the plumber??? Pulling $600 outta my ass.

Who paid for the exterminator???? Pulling over $700 outta my ass?

A "thank you?" Nothing.

A "happy birthday?" A Card? Nothing.

Rather, blames my staying in a hotel for the bedbugs.

1)WHY was I forced to stay in a hotel???????????????

2)Bedbugs came from  the MOUNTAIN of SHIT MOMMY bought at the thrift store. the SHIT which was in piles ALL OVER the place.

My job: to provide a home.

I do my job, I do it with a smile. Bitch did EVERYTHING with rage.

Selfish asshole

Yes, Stoney is.

The other day, opened my mail, shoved it in his desk.

Trashed my shit when he went through my stuff, found the mail he'd opened atop it.

Think he takes after his mother??????????????????????

Yesterday, my birthday. A card? A kind word? Nothing. I asked his help in locating a missing running shoe (like I said, he trashed my shit). His response? He mumbled some bullshit.

What DID he do yesterday? Got stoned, as usual.

Draw your own conclusions.

The fact that smoking was his main priority, and apparently only, hurts.

The fact that I don't count hurts. You know, me: the guy who pays for the house. The house in which he lives, yet doesn't lift a finger within? Though both he and his girl (whop sometimes) sleeps over, neither contributes AT ALL. Not cleaning, nothing. yet HE takes ME to task for entering his room???? It's ok to open MY mail, enter MY den, and vandalize my belongings. THAT'S ok, but to enter HIS room isn't??? Who IS the parent? Oh, I forgot, Bitch trained him this way. (you know, the Bitch who loved him-and Hulk-so much, It deserted both).

I only hope his children treat him the same.

Feeling really good

(hey, it happens).

Did the Bronx 10m Sunday, did ok. Then went to work. Felt good. Staying still = death. Gotta stay moving.

Stoney? Working, proud of him. Wish to hell he'd stop the weed, but whatthefuck. He has his own path. Problem is" the assholes (you know, the addicts) enable him. As do his other peeps, rather than tell him to work, they provide grocereies and (???!!!) cigarettes. He has them well trained.

Fuck it, he's a good kid.

Amazing what a house devoid of psychosis can be isn't it? No more screaming, anger, dysfunction. What slays me is all the suckers who believed the Bitch's bullshit. Remember, It spoke @ MY meeting DAYS before doing us all a favor. Imagine, all these assholes thinking It was a role model, as It was amassing the pills to die by overdose (REALLY sober behavior!).

Feeling ok, doing well.

???

1)Motorhead was AMAZING!!!!! Anthrax opened, again: AMAZING!!!!!!! But Motorhead is the shit. No bullshit, straight ahead earwax melting metal. 7th row, we had a blast!!!!! (you know, my make believe friends and I).

2)Stoney's car? Bitch's car/casket? Still, neither have moved. Stoney demanded both sets of keys (he REALLY thinks he has a right), so I gave them to him. Let him try responsibility. Went away for a few days (smoked HOW much???) left the keys there. So, for over 6 weeks, neither car has moved an inch. Bitch's insurance? Gee, think it got paid? Think either car will start? Think I give a fuck?

3)REALLY enjoying retirement. Years and years of never calling in, no vacations (as Bitch went to Aruba, I went to the job), years of dedication to helping others. It all paid off.

4)Funny, Snaggletooth still has Bitch's ashes. Enjoy them.

We're gonna have a problem

Stoney starting his bullshit again.

"If I hear.....you've been saying...we're gonna have a problem."

His assholes have been telling him shit they claim I said about Bitch. HE'S calling ME to task???????????????????

Funny.

All it takes is one dick to fuck him up. Add more than one, and of course he believes them.

(funny, the son calls the father to task. THIS is the legacy Bitch left him.)

Wonder when he'll ask me to cash another check.

Will THAT be a problem??????????????

Ask Lisa, Jeff, or the other assholes to do his bidding.

Still waiting for a thank you, or a father's day acknowledgement.

What a difference a quarter makes

Been 3 months since Bitch did us a favor. Thank God.


No more fearing what I'd come home to, no more hotels, no more hostility on the home front, no more being awoken @ 2 am to have someone spit @ me. Nice.


What Bitch left us: walls full of holes and nails. CRAP had been hung with no rhyme or reason, and I mean CRAP. So, undoing the damage, slowly but surely.


Stoney? One week, $50 from Pedrito. Another week $200. Spending his days hanging in his room, smoking, spending time with his girlfriend.


Thank GOD I did what I did, how I did it, or we'd be left with NOTHING. Bitch? Not a second goes by in which Its name is either mentioned, or It is missed. Toxichouse is now our home.


Stoney has his people buying him groceries (I don't do shit remember, only pay all the bills and make sure there's a roof over our heads). Ain't I a motherfucker?


Jeff can't stand me. Like I give a fuck? This is the same asshole who conspired to spread the rumor that Keith was selling drugs. The same asshole who's married to an agoraphobic addict.


Like I told my peep: unless you pay my bills, your opinion is useless.


What slays me: the suckers in AA who thought Bitch was such an inspiration. Really CAN fool some of the people all of the time.


Had an epic weekend. Sat, the Pat Lafontaine mile, he recognized me, signed my bib-my yearly "thing."


Sunday: The Manhattan Run. Next to The Big One, my biggest thrill. How many people can say the ran manhattan island?


Monday: attended a Labor Day bbq. You know, with my "make believe friends."


Thank GOD It's gone.


And who-of all people-do I run into on Sat? Debbie!


REALLY a great weekend.

So It Goes

So, Lisa n' Jeff, a.k.a. thetwoassholeswholiveacrossthestreetwhocan'tmindtheirownbusiness, who accused Keith of selling drugs, are now his best friends. They give him a queen size bed...let that sink in. Don't ask me-I'm only the homeowner, don't ask if it fits. His room is way too small. When Keith and I tried bringing it upstairs, it was too big. So, Jeff will cut the box spring in half.

Again, let that sink in.

The mattress and boxspring have been in the living room for a week. Previously, I'd asked Keith if it would be unreasonable to attend to it about 5 nights ago. He spends the night on the porch hanging out. I again ask, how about wed night (last night)? He agreed. I come home, nothing. He pushes it, asking why I'm making "such a big deal out of..." Really???? Normal people have asshole neighbors intrude/breach boundaries? Normal people has a used mattress and boxspring in their living rooms???

So, let's do the math.

Not in school.

No job.

Girlfriend tiring of his do nothing bullshit/chaotic slacker m.o.

Hangin' with the asshole neighbors.

Always told him I'm here for him, but he insists on doing EXACTLY what his mother did-the easier, softer way.

It hurts when he does this, no respect for his home nor me.

Welcome to the real world

Stoney and his peep having problems. She's ticked he's got no job, nothin' goin' on.....basically, the shit driving me crazy, but knowing I can't say anything-yet.

I fear for him, praying he doesn't turn out like his mother. As of last week he still had $$$, now he asked if I'd cash the check Pedrito enabled him with. In other words, he smoked everything away.

Remember when I urged him to file his taxes, if he had, he'd have $$$. If he didn't smoke-either substance-he'd have approx. $15 daily in the bank. But no, nothing.

Gonna be one skinny kid.

All my life, since the fifth grade, I knew what I wanted to do. Raised by my mother, I always had a plan B. Never wasted everything, always made each day count.

I'm there for him, always will be. I won't take the easy way out like Bitch did. I DO hope he appreciates it, but no, I'm Bad Cop.

Growing pains

So, Stoney seems to always be around. Even the days he typically worked. After asking 2x, he finally shares that he got fired. Wonder where his grocery $ will come from? I worry about him, too much wasted-just like his mother. But, he has $$$ to smoke, so.....................

I pray he one day takes my example: save boy! He never knows what lies around the corner.

REALLY a shame since now all he has to do is lay around, play games, and smoke. Such a waste.

Call me "Gumby"

As in" flexible as hell."


With Bitch gone, it's been a period of adjustment. I expect the next 48 months to be like this. The good news: I know what to expect when I go home, I can sleep (well) @ night-IN MY OWN HOME, I'm no longer verbally abused. The other news: it's all on me. At any rate, my blood pressure is good-I have no daily drama.


Unfortunately, the amount of pure SHIT It left behind is staggering. At least a dozen coffee pots, TONS of books (this from a person who never finished any), tons of thrift store SHIT. And remember, this poor excuse for a human never had any $$$ to give the son It claimed to love, for lunch money. Fucking amazing. And Its friends believed all Its shit, in effect, enabling Its suicide. Imagine a person with all this 12 Step shit littering the house (@ least 6 Big books), yet performs the ultimate act of taking Its will back? Don't declare bankruptcy, don't @ least TRY to make payments. No, take the easy way out, just like mommy. Nice.


One day Stoney wil realize I was always there for him. If not, his loss.

Go with the flow

Woke up in a rush-RAIN!!!!! Every window in the house was open, no one else there, so ran around shutting them. All this an hour prior to when I'd planned to rise. Ok, had no prob going back to sleep.


(Stoney? M.I.A. Turns out, went camping-nice if he'd told his father/landlord. Fuck it, the house was quiet-and CLEAN. Funny, didn't give a FUCK about the dog he begged for.).


So, woke up, raining, back to sleep. An hour or so later, drizzling, lightly. So, got up and out. Worst case, work out @ the gym.


Turns out, the rain was moving east-thus-got my run in.


The nice part of living with Bitch and all the Mental Case's drama for the past 8 years: taught me to be flexible.


So, got my miles, as well as ran into a former peep. One of the guys from the old job saw me lacing up, headed over to chat (his shift was ending). Was really nice to chat with him.


This wouldn't have happened if I'd given in to the rain. Good to go with the flow sometimes.


AND, got my miles!


(One of the AP peeps commented that the pix from Sunday's run were good. True-good times, good friends, a GREAT location!).

8/2/15

Nice.

I WANNA isolate, but called my make believe friends and headed to a race in NYC. Really had fun. Pix below.

One related how a person who didn't even know her was bending her ear about my being a horrible human @ Bitch's wake. Nice. Running someone into the ground, to a total stranger.

Fuck 'em. I ran, I had a blast!

ANOTHER script not followed

Pret bailed on Spin, then the instructor didn't show. FUCK! This happens once every six months or so. Really not a bad thing, my knees can use a rest day, but THIS is the ONE thing I THOUGHT I could count on. Fuck it. Had the rental/loaner, so headed home to do wash, then head back out. As I get ready to shower, phone rings, veeeeehicle ready!

So, what have we learned. Shit happens as it should.

Yin/Yang

Cheap Trick ROCKED! Who'd have thought the opening band would blow the main act away. Frampton was ok, but Cheap Trick? WOW! Played 1:45 and blew his puppy ass away.

Got my run in this am, beat the rain, did ok. then...THEN...a pop, and the driver's side window drops. FUCK! Meanwhile, yesterday I'm looking over my insurance policy looking @ how I can save a buck. Thank GOD I have the coverage I do. Got a $100 deductible, a rental car, awaiting the repair. I'll be ok.

Shit happens, but did SO muich shit hadda happen THIS YEAR?

THIS is why God gave us Cheap Trick. They always deliver. And, got my run in. Good.

THAT was quick

No sooner am I writing about Stoney and I splitting the router, THEN, he BURSTS into the bedroom @ 3 am!!!!!!! Demands I repay his half?????????? Amazing, Fuck me. If I was thinking, I'd have told him to return it. Fuck it, THIS is why I needed to detach.

Wait, it gets better. Took the car Sybil bought him for a ride around the block, it hadn't been driven in over a month. Lo and behold, the next day he asks for the keys. Think Snaggletooth was watching?????

No driver's license, driving on a permit. Hope he has a good lawyer.

Let shit happen

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is s.t.f.u.

Stoney and I getting along, thank God. Hopefully he sees I'm not the bad guy. He's a helluva person, but when you've been raised without boundaries, things can be tough.

Went to a men's meeting last night. Was REALLY good. For once, didn't havta worry about whatever I share being passed to Stoney-you KNOW it's an AA cunt who's violating confidentiality. So, it was good. Who showed up? Kevin! No longer with the insurance co, he's moved on. Good for him. Problem is: whatever he does is the next best thing-he's not the type to grow roots. Fuck it, he's happy and that's good.

Stoney picked up a wifi router, we split the cost, actually cooperated installing it. THIS is the kind'a shit I enjoy.

It's a Miracle!

Neil concert: WOW! Last row, all the way up. @ first I was scared-heights, but soon acclimated. 2 opening acts-yes, WAS tempted to leave. REALLY glad I didn't. Made fast peeps with the guys on my left, they were die hard Neil peeps too-we were @ Carnegie Hall together etc...

HELLUVA concert. Neil had me in tears due to some of the songs reminding me of when Dana was Dana. HELLUVA setlist-with his catalog, he can do that.

Got home, Stoney began interrogating me. I set him straight re: I can do whatever the fuck I want with the house-he was objecting to my removing Bitch's crap-but what was the watershed moment. He was instigating, I responded with facts. We actually had a GREAT conversation, the kind that needed to happen. I cried, he lost the anger. He-again-was my son.

Nice.

Takes after his mother

Stoney breaking my balls re: Its things I'd disposed of. This, the person who regularly vandalizes both my personal belongings as well as the house (HACKING the kitchen counter????) calls me to task for having disposed of the thrift store JEEEEEZUS books It had cluttering the living room bookshelf. This, from the person who created a crater in the den, who destroyed the garage door, who regularly helps himself to my things (you COULD ask???). Good boundaries.

Just like mommy.

Scary.

Thanks!

Good thing I let fate decide.

Manana, a 5k, so, thought either I'd take a day off or run The Line (as tomorrow's race is short). Rain predicted, so when I got up, figured if it was raining, I'd Spin. If not, run. Glad I ran.

Just after the halfway point, ran into peeps, one of which chose to break away and run with me. HIS peeps maintained their pace 100m ahead of us. Translation: my pace didn't TOTALLY suck.

At the end, Pret and her peep were just starting, as the rain began.

Thanks God, I did ok.

STFU

SHUTTHEFUCKUP

Sometimes, that's the best advice.

REALLY glad I give Stoney the space he needs. Just 'cause he doesn't do things MY way doesn't mean he's not living right. He DOES have severe boundary issues (actually thinks I'M accountable to HIM?) but, that's how Bitch brainwashed him-remember-I'm the bad guy.

Patience is indeed a virtue, and sometimes, the cornerstone of good parenting.

One day, I pray he realizes I try my best.

Yin/Yang

Come in, garage open, kiddies in the yard. ???????????????

Surprise party for Stoney.

I was pissed boundaries were breached, but his friends were throwing him a surprise party. Good. Glad I shutup.

His girl organized it and did well, he has good peeps.

Nice if they'd ASKED, but glad they threw him a party.

Got my miles, bumped into DW and Pret. Amazing how many Make Believe Friends I actually have regular contact with.

Happy Birthday

Come in early am from work,. my stuff-again-vandalized. Stoney's peeps sleeping in the living room. Best of all, a DENT in the den wall. Really???? I work and this asshole damages the house AND vandalizes my belongings.


His gripe? "You told Uncle Pete you and mom were getting back together?" WTF??? Am I accountable to HIM? And, we never split. Best yet, the same shit comes outta his peeps' mouth! WHO THE FUCK pays the mortgage????


AND, why would Pedrito tell him ANYTHING?????????????


Happy Birthday.


Glad I work. Really makes it all worthwhile. I work and the Stoned Boundary-less child damages the house, vandalizes his father's belongings, AND interrogates his father.


...but I need counseling.....

Another one!

ANOTHER good eve/day!

Slept like a baby, Stoney quiet/behaving. All quiet on the Western Front.

This am, got my miles, bumped into Pret AND DW. Not too humid, did ok, then chilled.

Stoney asked for a Target giftcard for his birthday. Smart kid. Since groceries are his responsibility, he's looking to kill 2 birds with the same stone. Unfortunately, his mother raised him on frozen food and Haagen Dazs/Potato Chips. This was the queen of junk food. But he's learning responsibility. I DO wish he'd listened years ago when I urged him to budget-if he did, he'd have some $ in the bank. But, thanks to his mother contradicting his father, he has nothing to show for 2 years of employment-other than 2 years of weed. Not begrudging him a thing, he's a good kid. But he has nothing to show for his time spent working. Hope he realizes I'm here for him, I tell him often and he should-by now-see that.

HOW great is it to go home and actually be able to rest???? Wow!

A good start!

Rain yesterday-no prob. Had time for a run in the am, rain came in the eve. Over by the time I got outta the gig. Nice.

This am, cool(er), still humid, but not brutal. Spin in the am, then head to the gig.

How nice is it to get to sleep, uninterrupted.

Turning the page

No more day count. No point since it was originated to note the # of cancer free days Bitch had-a.k.a.days in which my life was made a living hell. Why hell? You'd think surviving cancer would be a joy, with every day a blessing. Instead, Bitch made them 7+ years of SHIT. Later for that crap, the page has been turned.

Didn't think I'd get in a run this am, but the rain held off, nice.

Wanted to share last night, but the speaker was SO full of himself, I had all I could do to NOT walk out. Actually made it through the entire meeting, but I wasn't saying shit with this asshole.

Re: mirror. When I ask Stoney if he did it: "no, but I wish I did." Ahhhhhh family. Can you TELL where he got that from? And yes, he's repeating his mother's EXACT words. Poor kid.

I ran, I'm good.

p.s.

Gotta love the fact that there's plenty of $$$ for weed etc, but none for college/groceries.

Funny, YEARS ago didn't I indicate he should live on a budget, setting up a bank account for him? what did his mother do? Responded with "he should do what he wants." GREAT parenting.

Last night, he (after consuming an alcoholic beverage and smoking) indicates he might as well just kill himself just like his mother did.

Ok, and?

Guess this is my belated Father's Day gift. What I get for assuring all bills are paid.

Remember, I offered to cut cable to pay for groceries. What does he think, I can just print more $$$$$ Sounds EXACTLY like his mother doesn't it????????????????

Live laugh love!!!!!

Day 2214

Huh?


Walked in, actually broke Stoney's balls-he was...what's the word...NOT in a foul mood?


That changed asap. He asked re: grocery $$$. I responded that laundry and food were his responsibilities, I'd handle assuring he had a place to live. He went nuts, I indicated when he wanted to speak about finances I'd be happy to.


Neighbor was doing construction-11:15pm, I went across the street to ask when he'd be done (he was using a circular saw-on the curb!). Needless to say, I was cursing as I crossed the street.


Of course, Stoney assumed this was directed @ him, telling me if I had something to say I should say it to his face, adding that I was a "stupid cunt." But I should enable him especially after this? MY Make Believe Friends can't believe he doesn't pay rent, much less lift a finger.


He tells me Bitch's sisterfromanothermother volunteered to pay for college. Good. THEY have 2 incomes. Stoney fails to realize it's all on me-always has been. Hey, Keith, when's the last time Mommy gave you lunch money? When's the last time Mommy DIDN'T have Snapple??????????


Wonder why you live in a dump?


The a/c the neighbor gave him (are THEY paying the electric bill) leaks, soaking his bedroom floor.


He tells ME I don't have the right to remove Bitch's belongings (thriftstore CRAP adorning the walls), so, it looks like a gay couple with no taste live there.


Moral of the story: He AND his girl work, not contributing shit to the house.


...but I need counseling......


Entitled aren't we?


Bitch kills Itself, others clean up the mess.


Happy Wedding Anniversary (25 years today!). Joy joy.

Day 2213

No, I can't believe it either.

Peeps (you know them as Make Believe Friends) are incredulous. Not one can believe Stoney has zero boundaries, i.e. HE indicates none of Bitch's things should be touched. They can't believe he has the balls to think he has a say. Hey, when you've been raised with no boundaries, this happens. They LOVE his friends crashing on the couch overnight. Yes, we have crash house.

He IS a GREAT person, unfortunately, Bitch fucked his head. A lot easier than parenting isn't it.

If It loved him, It would've set rules, easier to be a victim isn't it. Then again, suicide IS easier than taking charge of your responsibilities-i.e.It could've declared bankruptcy, It could've sent nominal payments. BUT, easier to escape. Good sobriety. (THIS is what Jeeeeeeeeeeezus would do???).

One peeps said it best: "all that therapy worked didn't it?"

Got my miles, hung with my peeps, enjoyed another GORGEOUS day! Nice.

Day 2212

Made it!


Remember when we went to the peeps for the 4th of July, and then I was disinvited? The first sign of something amiss. Hurt like hell, but my first taste of: THIS is what a Bitch does. Good. I learned. Yesterday, spent a GREAT day, ran with my peeps, then hit a bbq. Stoney? Busy being angry @ me, he has been well trained.


Had a VERY good night @ the gig, REALLY busy, then nothing for 90 mins. NICE! Makes the hard work worth it!


Came home, no one screaming @ me, no one threatening legal action, when I went to sleep I actually....slept. I can get used to this.

Day 2211

Well played!

Bitch doin' it from the grave!

Get in yesterday, Stoney interrogating me. "Where is.........did you...." He can't seem to understand how his boundaries are TOTALLY fucked. He has the balls to inform me "and you tell everyone..." how the fuck does he know what I say? Really??? Bitch fucked him up more than he'll ever know. Love to have him poll his peeps, see how many ask THEIR parents the shit he has the balls to ask. Hope he never knows how Bitch fucked him up-oh wait-he reads this too! See what I said about boundaries?

Got my miles, hung with my Make Believe Friends. Feelin' good!!!

Day 2210

Warm fuzzy

Had a peaceful night @ work, dead. From 9 on, didn't lift a finger. NICE! All the crazy days made this night lovely.

This am, the 4m, also NICE. So many expressed their thoughts and support-you know, my Make Believe Friends.

Last night, call from Football Dad. Another Make Believe Friend.

Funny thing, everyone thinks suicide is a pussy move. Also, that it screws the survivors as the ultimate selfish act. No shit?

Day 2209

THIS is living!

Wake up, go for a run, go to work, come home, relax, sleep. Haven't been able to do these-consecutively-for YEARS! How lovely is it to drive home, NOT worrying about what Bitch will have in store? Really feeling good.

Bumped into DW this am, did Spin. Off to a GREAT start!!!

Day 2208

So far, so good.

Hit my meeting yesterday, nice to hit a meeting without anyone second guessing me. Yes, there were the moles informing Stoney re: whatever I shared, but that's good. Maybe he'll learn.

This am, got my miles. Hot/humid, but not as bad as if it'd been later.

Good to be back!!!!!

Day 2207

No, it isn't me

Really annoying me-that bullshit slung @ the wake and funeral. Last evening: "she loved her son..." This BITCH loved her son so much that she took a chance that he would discover the body? Really???


Fuck it all, I ran. Woke up, lightening and serious rain. Two hours later, stopped. Yay!!!!!

Day 2206

A day without...

Its asshole groupies breaking my balls is like a day full of sun! A LOVELY day.

Got my miles, met more of my Make Believe Friends, now headed to the gig. Does it GET any better?

Working 'cause you wanna, not 'cause you havta. ZERO debts, no raging psycho breaking your balls. Really a good day!

Bumped into DW and my other Make Believe Frioends during my run-thanks God. THEY get it.

Re: The Speech, "She loved..." regaling us with bullshit about how It was so full of love for.......Guess It didn't LOVE those things as much as Itself, or It wouldn't have left us to clean up Its mess. Hope It's happy now!

Re: the bullshit It broke my balls over (also hits on Its role as MsAA) "how important was it? HADDA get into the garage-did THAT make you feel  better??? (as WE are left with a destroyed door??). "Loved Hulka Bulka," so much so that It never took him for a walk, and left him unattended????? "Loved her son," so much that Snapple was more important than lunch $$$. Anything BUT devoted wife. Hmmmmmm.

I ran, I'm good. I can go home-you know, the house I pay for? I'm good.

Day 2205

Whew!!!

My Make Believe peeps saved my ass this weekend. Thank you one and all. Glad to have conducted myself as I did, safe in the knowledge that my people are always there-not groupies, but true peeps.

Did ok in the race yesterday. Nothing spectacular, but merely doing it was a triumph.

Day 2204

Done and DONE!

Ok, made it through the mass yesterday. Like I said, I was upset Stoney went over my head, but impressed he took the ball and ran with it. He showed spunk. Unfortunately, he got played by Its groupies. THEY did the readings, the idiot with the "but I wrote..." AGAIN read that bullshit: "She was such a ray of light, an optimist (optimists kill themselves?) who loved the beach (and got skin cancer) who taught religion (after 4 abortions, and neglecting her household responsibilities, only to come home and verbally abuse her husband), who cared for the elderly (while-again-neglecting her household, leaving PILES of crap everywhere)....." TOTAL bullshit. Really fooled SOME of the people ALL of the time.

Best of all, Its mole in AA. So much for "what you hear here, let it stay here." So much for not taking inventories. MY peeps tell me ITS peeps tried to reign them into a smear discussion about me! Lovely! THIS is a ray of light?????????? Who leaves behind a legacy of CRAP all over the house. Nice way to end.

I'm here, I'm ok. Stoney? The boy's a stud.

Day 2203

?????

Re: the person who gave a speech praising Its memory as a ray of sunshine/optimist. Newsflash: "rays of sunshine" "optimists" don't kill themselves, leaving their husband to clean up the mess. Really, the ultimate narcissistic act. "Sober" people don't do the ultimate escape, after hoarding pills to overdose.

The funeral isn't about YOU! When I initially refused her request to give a talk, it responded "but I worked....." So, you're why we're here? People really, REALLY need to check themselves.

More fun facts: they use Stoney. Since they know how I'll respond, they twist him to their way of thinking-rather than leave it to he and I to work out. I can't WAIT 'til this day ends, he and I will have each other (though his girl has been wonderful-as have his peeps).

Its ashes, gave them to Stoney, who I'm sure gave them to........whatever.

Newsflash: It's STILL dead! The person we know and loved hasn't existed since it was diagnosed with cancer. From then on, It became a permanent victim, living off the mercy and ignorance of Its collected groupies. Frightening.

So much easier to blame me isn't it?

FYI, who IS still assuring Stoney's needs are met, rather than taking care of my own?

Gotta love all the religious crap littering the house, all the 12 step shit now laying as debris. Is this the example Its sponsees should follow?

Wonder what they'll do after today? Interfere in ANOTHER'S life?

You really CAN fool some of the people all of the time.

MY peeps made the difference. As more than one indicated, "your make believe friends had to show themselves." Nice.

Never, ever, would I take it upon myself to interfere in a funeral as these assholes have. Each and every one of them will have to answer to God. My conscience is clear as hell, I do the right thing-though difficult.

Day 2202

Half empty.

The peeps that showed really helped a lot. Its groupies? Not a word to me, fuck 'em. One of 'em-a good one, made a speech, how It was such an "optimist..." It really had 'em fooled. Optimists commit suicide? My peeps were smart enough-and discrete, to be cool. As anyone with dignity would. It REALLY fooled SOME of the people ALL of the time. Scary. GREAT legacy.

Stoney was a stud! Really proud of him. Both he and his girl stepped up. It was a pleasure to introduce them. His peeps, similarly amazing people. Nice.

Marciana, made my morning. I was not alone, I never was.

Day 2201

Yes, that was inappropriate

So, got called by the Funeral Director yesterday asking "who are these people and what meds are they NOT on?" Today, more drama.

Turns out, there's a mole in my AA meetings. Someone has been misinforming Stoney, re: what I'd purportedly shared. Good boundaries there eh?

Better. NOW it turns out, Stoney made independent arrangements. Not an entirely bad thing, he has balls, gotta respect him. Problem is: not his job. Fuck it, he did what he hadda do, props to him!

Next time I go to a funeral, note to self: my input is NOT welcome re: arrangements.

People seem to forget they need to FUCKOFF re: their opinions.

This am, I ran. I'm good.

Day 2200

The fun continues

Thank GOD it isn't raining, got my miles, so hey, do your worst-I can handle it.

Funeral Director calls, saying 2 peeps are there asking a million questions. Let that sink in. Have YOU ever gone to a funeral and had the balls to think your input was of any consequence???? PLEASE!

This points to the problem I indicated centuries ago. It never became a wife. It ALWAYS put friends first. These same friends who believed all Its bullshit. NOW, I look like the bad guy because basically, I tell them their input is inappropriate. Worst of all, they have my sons ear. My eventual answer to them: when you pay my sons therapy bills, your opinion will have importance, until then, attend the service and mind your boundaries. Really?????!!!!!

Best of all: the Funeral Director was taken aback. Their response: whotheFUCK are these people???

Irony: It leaves a note and $$$ for Stoney.

It left the house a TOTAL wreck.

Good, let the people who THINK they have a say, see this. Remember, if I touched ANYTHING, I was threatened with legal action.

This pm, did the lawn. Been delaying it since I didn't particularly wanna 1)see where Stoney destroyed my garage door, since It had him convinced I was a prick for locking it. (never mind that I hadda lock it because It fucked with my things. It was a safe zone. Nevermind that I offered to open the garage whenever It wanted. No, better to destroy.)  And 2)Didn't particularly wanna visit the death scene. But, whatthefuck. Grew balls, did what needed to be done. The car in which It escaped? A shipwreck, with barely enough space cleared on the back seat. Amazing S.M.H.

...but I need counseling...............did I placed my pain (for debts self-imposed)  above all others' lives, leaving them to clean up my mess???  In the car, behind the death scene, a plaque: live one day @ a time. S.M.H. NOT retrived from Its personal effects: the engagement ring. Wonder how much It got for it.

S.M.H.

I ran, I'm good.

Day 2199

?

Times like these show who your REAL friends are.

People with SERIOUS boundary issues are expressing their opinions, making things REALLY complicated. "Friends" want a church service. Dana did NOT. Of course, these "friends" are placing THEIR needs as a priority. These individuals have always had boundary problems, and really need to SHUTTHEFUCKUP. They have no idea how much true damage they cause.

Did I ever think MY will should affect others' lives? No. But I was raised properly.

Day 2198

NOW the fun starts!


Did the 10k, was GREAT. Humid as hell, high chance of storms, but we did it!!!!!!! REALLY a case of getting back in the saddle.


Worked overnight, then home. Unfortunately. Stoney and his peep going at it, I made myself scarce. I finally speak with him...details....he's pissed @ me for Its death. A natural response, but inappropriate. Like any one person has that power? He thinks (think others have poisoned him? Will he EVER see it takes a MAN to stick to a vow rather than escape? Happy father's day!) because It dug Itself in to a financial hole, that I refused to print $$$. Really. Who the fuck pays everything? Unfortunately, he forgets this as he's been conditioned. Bottom line, who was always here, making sure debt collectors didn't take the house? Who assured all bills got paid. Remember when I, purposely, didn't? Electricity, off, mortgage co calling constantly-all in an effort to NOT be taken for granted.


Such is the fate of a Father.


I ran, life is good.

Day 2197

Now the fun starts!

Of course, now Sybil's friends start giving their opinions re: funeral arrangements etc... Question: whotheFUCK asked 'em?

One of the-many-issues Sybil had was never being a wife. It was always tethered to Its friends. It never was a problem until It lost Its mind.

And now, I get to pick up the pieces.

A religion teacher kills Itself. A parents escapes all its responsibilities. An AA member, with supposed 28 years of "sobirety" overdoses.

Fuck it, I ran Flushing Meadows 10k, I met my peeps. I'm ok.

Happy Father's Day.

Day 2196

C'est fini.

Last night, called by Missing Persons, Nassau County. Keith reported Sybil m.i.a. Hadn't been seen for 2 days. 10:30 I get home, 12:20, told she'd overdosed, a suicide. Body in the Olds in the driveway.

Day 2195

Nice way to wrap it up!

Had the day off, chilled, slept in. Ran a 5k last eve @ Flushing Meadows. Always with my mother in my heart. Remembering her taking care of us all, alone. No bitching, no whining-hear that Sybil????? Took care of 5 people under one roof, single handed. Hope she sees me now.

Day 2194

Hate to say "I told you so..."


Scroll back, a loooong time. Remember the posts re: It bought a SHITLOAD of Christmas gifts for Its peeps? So much so that there was a PILE (where the PILE of crap currently resides) in front of Its closet? Remember how I called a spade a spade re: all this $$$ spent for peeps, yet how much for Its spouse? And where is that $$$ now???? Got debt?????? Remember all that $$$ pissed away. As I went to work, daily, then came home and slept. Motherfucker ain't I? Not ONCE has It EVER lived on a budget. Now, deep, deep debt. Hmmmmmm.


Had a GREAT day. Ran, chilled, hit my meeting. Shared about the drama, slept like a baby.


Nice.

Day 2193

!!!!!

1) Slayer ROCKED!!!!! Been a LONG time since my ears felt that numb. No opening act, no bullshit, just face melting metal.

2)Came in, Sybil actually.....whats the word........NORMAL? Admitted, finally, to Its financial status-knee deep. My answer, of course I pointed out options, as well as stating the obvious: would be nice if It didn't abuse me when It felt overwhelmed. NOW It needs to be nice????? I was actually touched. WOULD'A been nice if It just copped to Its shit, rather than fucking with me.

Best of all? Drug addict slut across the street calls It, to notify It that I was there. THIS is an example of the people you call your peers?


Fuck it, ran this am, ran into 3 peeps. I'm ok.

Day 2192

Insanity is?

Sybil cannot internalize that Its calls are blocked.

Not once has It EVER called to say anything kind, always venom/mental illness. The good news: Pedrito concurs. Bitch always has an agenda, thus, calls blocked. My peeps e mailed me telling me the times It attempted. Please, spare me the drama.

Illness: "You kept my son from seeing me when I was in the hospital."
Reality: I took him at least 3 x weekly, each time we went to Sizzler. Ask him, he'll remember, unless his mind is THAT poisoned.

Illness: "You cut the house phones to keep my son from contacting me."
Reality: Those to whom monies were owed were calling so often, those were the ONLY calls we got. With Sybil in the hospital, I didn't need any more bad news (my hand were sort of full).
Further Reality: While It was in the hospital, I took care of the bills.

Illness: "My friends say..."
Reality: Your friends get Mental Illness' side of the story, not reality. In addition, when they pay the bills they get a say. Otherwise, SHUTTHEFUCKUP. Do I meddle in their private lives?\
Further reality: I have no right to privacy?

Illness: "You should die a slow painful death."
Reality: THIS is how a religion teacher addresses her husband? GREAT example.

Truth is: the person I married is a lovely, wonderful, caring human. Unfortunately, this person  hasn't been seen for quite some time. My love for her endures, in the hope she returns.

Day 2191

Results count!

Had a GREAT dinner with my "make believe friends," who expressed their concern that though Sybil was invited to my retirement dinner, It failed to even respond. THAT, they explained (like I told ya) would've countered all Its accusations. God FORBID your psycho script is disproven. Fuck it, the dinner was great-with positive people.

Got my miles this am, beat the rain-by a hair. Nice!!!!!

Day 2190

Life CAN be a dream!

Retirement rocks!!!!! Spent the day with my "make believe friends," then a meeting. Nice. Slept like a baby!!!

This am, got my miles. Again, humid as hell, but, no rain! Lovely!!!

Before and after with my peeps. Really feelin' the love!

One had a good question re: Toxichouse. "In winter, Bitch screams you need to buy oil. In summer, Bitch steals your fan. You CAN'T win can you???" I had no answer for that. Only that Bitch isn't taking the meds It used to. Need I say more?

Day 2190

Life CAN be a dream!

Retirement rocks!!!!! Spent the day with my "make believe friends," then a meeting. Nice. Slept like a baby!!!

This am, got my miles. Again, humid as hell, but, no rain! Lovely!!!

Before and after with my peeps. Really feelin' the love!

One had a good question re: Toxichouse. "In winter, Bitch screams you need to buy oil. In summer, Bitch steals your fan. You CAN'T win can you???" I had no answer for that. Only that Bitch isn't taking the meds It used to. Need I say more?

Got my miles, hung with my peeps, slept like a baby. Life is good!

Day 2189

Yummm!!!!

VERY appreciative audience yesterday. Talk went well.

This am, got my miles. Didn't think it'd be a go, but the rain held off.

BEAUTIFUL sunshine day, humid, but no rain. Nice!!!!!

Day 2188

Make THAT make sense:

Come in, again, my belongings vandalized. Stoney sleeping in my bed.

1)I'm told to stay out of Stoney's room, after (GASP) throwing out a discarded bag lying on the ground. But it's ok for him to take over my space. Who IS the parent? ZERO respect for boundaries. I come in yesterday, he's sleeping in my bed!!!

2)First, all my stuff is thrown to the ground, then I'm told to move it to the den, then what I move to the den is fucked with.

3)It seems to have a penchant for door abuse. the front screen door? A shambles. The back screen door: a shambles. The garage door? A shambles. The gate (for which I paid ALOT to fix, after IT left it open before superstorm Sandy)? A shambles. Seems It is REALLY good @ destruction. Yet bitches incessantly. Try taking care of your home. Don't let it resemble your vehicles. (and that crap in from of the closet, that's been on the floor for months????????).

??????????????

...but I need counseling..............................................

Got over 300 hits on the Youtube page. 75% commenting on the footage of the vandalizing of my space and belongings. Especially the footage of the distance between the living room and side door, as opposed to the living room and the back door. NO ONE can understand why It insists on using the den as Grand Central. The same 75% commenting on obvious acting out behavior. Why? I can't understand.

I respect the hell outta Stoney and Sybil, despite their behavior. Unfortunately, they believe they can do whatever they please. (gotta love motion sensor cams). It does ZERO parenting and he takes full advantage. Don't blame him, he's terrific and one hell of a person.

Retirement is amazing. Never did I think all those years of hard work would result in such wonderful days. Really happy I chose the career path I did.

Got my miles, of to enjoy the delightful day!

Day 2187

Results positive!

The crowd reacted well to the speech yesterday. Glad I'd been invited.

They asked a very salient question: remember when I was in the den making calls to set up sales appointments? Remember Sybil SCREAMING that I should make my calls from the park? The audience couldn't understand why ANYONE would be so abusive. My answer: neither can I.

Life would be SO much easier if people SHUTTHEFUCKUP if they hadn't anything positive to contribute. But Sybil seems to think It has license to say whatever, whenever. No boundaries, no filter. It is what it is.

Got my miles this am, again, with my "make believe friends." Had a terrific am, leading to a terrific day.

Really a positive meeting. Glad I went.

Day 2186

Me gusta!

Rain held off yesterday, had a great evening! Slept like a baby. Nice. Sybil was tranquil, Stoney hangin' with his peeps.

This am, again, rain nowhere to be found. Sunshine, warm, perfect for a run. Hooked up with one of my "make believe friends," touched base, then got my miles. Nice!!!!!

Day 2185

Yin/Yang

Yin: had a great day, ran/worked. Got in, all quiet @ Toxichouse. It sleeping, thank you GOD. Impossible to have negative shit thrown at ya.

Went upstairs, Stoney hangin'. Actually got the chance to-though briefly-speak with him. This felt as wonderful as the first drop of water a guy gets coming outta the desert.

REALLY a great person, though I pray he one day sees how his mother brainwashed him.

But that's for another time.

Bottom line: was GREAT to get to sleep with ZERO negativity.

All that changed in the am, of course. Predawn, Bitch breaking my balls: where are you going," really? Get interrogated re: every fucking step you take in your own home. PLEASE shutthefuckup! I literally can't take a step without negative shit. Yet, It can do as it pleases, no filter/no boundaries. Take your meds.

Thank you Stoney, I really love talking to you, and pray you know I'm always there for you. You're a great person.

This am, got my miles, bumped into one of the trainers. Made my fucking day, told me "yep, you're skinny." Thank you GOD!

Day 2184

!

Broke 10!!!!! Did better than I'd hoped in yesterday's run. Nice. See what you can accomplish when you get some rest.

This am, Pedrito called. It called him about......whoreallycares. Bottom line, he gave It the info re: counseling, told It to make the app't. Does this sound familiar? Isn't this exactly what I'd done, repeatedly?

Again, for the record: the person I married: lovely, kind, sweet. My son: smart, quick witted, well spoken.

The 2 individuals living @ Toxichouse besides me? One mental as hell, acts out, thinks It has the right to do as It pleases, has ZERO boundaries, misdirects Its anger, and abuses Its spouse. It's son: unfortunately believed everything It stated, to take out his emotions on his father. Lovely.

I ran, I'm good.

Day 2183

Yummmm!!!

Had a PEACEFUL night-no one harassed me/screaming that I should "die a slow, painful death." No one screaming that I should print $$$$$, no one raging that no one would love me etc.....(THIS, from a religion teacher. So much for "love one another...").

Hit my al-anon, dealt with some work issues, then in for the night.

This am, 4m race-did well. Rest really helped. Spent the day in Manhattan before heading to The Governor's Ball.

FYI, odd how Bitch SCREAMS that I got fired because I'm so horrible, yet, when It and Stoney were invited to the dinner for my retirement (@ which the staff-as well as my supervisor-were present), It didn't even acknowledge the invite nor the day. Its presence would've once and for all disproven the psychotic script It wrote. But that wouldn't make for a good rant would it? Being a witness to the staff describing my dedication as well as they relating to It how I always spoke glowingly of both It and Stoney. THAT would've totally disproven Its psychotic bullshit.

Live, laugh, love!!!

And yes, Stoney is constantly in my heart. Saw him last night, even after he fucks with my stuff, I love him more than anything. I only hope one day he sees that it's harder to do what I do - NOT respond to the abuse - than to do what It does.

THAT is what Jesus taught.

Day 2182

OUCH!!!!!!!!

Spent the night working. Felt really, good, but couldn't really rest. The knowledge that my home is not my home, that everyone can do whatever they want to my treasured mementos (marathon medals, etc...) hurts. You'd think these things would be examples of fortitude and accomplishment, rather than objects of scorn.

Remember when Stoney FREAKED that I (gasp) threw out a bag discarded on his floor? Yet he can take my stuff and throw it where he pleases. Make that make sense?

Problem is: no respect for boundaries.

I respect the HELL outta him. He's REALLY a great human. But, again, he believes what he's been told. Pity.

He doesn't see I break my balls to assure he has a home.

In return? I get shit on.

Keep on keepin' on, it's what I do.

And again, yes, I'd marry It again. If I hadda do it all over, I certainly would.

The person I married is the best human I've ever met. My son is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Unfortunately, shit happened.

So it goes.

P.S.

You really have to wonder: I pay for everything, including internet. He monitors everything (hope he enjoys this-though it IS sad that only I respect boundaries). He is allowed to do so, In fact, by enabling him, It is part of the whole shmeer.

Nice.

Live laugh love!

Day 2181

Ahh, good to be..."

@ Toxichouse? Spent the night working, was really nice to be in a welcoming environment. peeps were THRILLED I was there, pissed I'd been away. Nice.

Got back, my stuff in the den again vandalized.

I don't blame Stoney. He does the best he can, always. I trust him implicitly. What hurts is his belief that I'm the bad guy, really.

1)There is no bad guy

2)Irony: I'm not supposed to touch a THING in the place, yet others can destroy my belongings, vandlize my belongings, and generally tred on my turf.

3)More Irony: He really is an outstanding person who, unfortunately, believes what his mother tells him. If he could think for himself he'd see I'm always there for him and love him to pieces. Likewise, I love his mother, but the female residing @ Toxichouse is not that person. There lies an angry individual who takes Its frustrations out on the individual who-with It-bore the world a wonderful son.

I'm ok. Thank God for Al-Anon.

Day 2180

Ahhhhhh

Hit the meeting last night, was really good. After the rains-finally-stopped, went to see my peeps. Q: how does Al-Anon define "slip?" A: "Compassion."

The peeps understand. I dearly love the woman I married. The person who currently is destroying my home, not so much. But, what does the wedding vow include: "In good times and in bad, for better and for worse." Unfortunately, I seem the only one who knows the definition of "vow."

I dearly miss my wife, but I understand It needs to go through what It needs to go through.

Wish my son understood, but he too needs to follow his path.

This just in

What slays me:

It accuses me of thinking I'm owed something because I pay the bills. I NEVER said anything, merely presented a fact.

Yesterday It went OFF when I asked if It could converse calmly, It did-for one sentence, then went off AGAIN. Literally less than an inch from my face, spitting. THIS is how Jeeeeeeeeezus would behave?

And after this I'm supposed to sign off on ANYTHING?

Really?????

Meanwhile, my son thinks I'm Satan. The guy who went to work for 24 years without a sick day, who assured all needs would be attended to. Which, of course, they were. THAT gets translated into "for the past 5 years you haven't given your son a cent." To which I replied "tell me when to cancel cable, you can do whatever you want with the $$$ from that."

But I'm supposed to buy a fridge, a couch, etc.....when I'm banned from using them? (as if it has the right to dictate that?)

Remember preCancer? It was normal. THAT was the person I'd marry again in a heartbeat.

Live, laugh, love!!!!!

Day 2179

Here comes the sun!

Literally and figuratively!!!!!

Called Pedrito. I got a message from peps that Bitch tried calling, twice. It simply CANNOT grasp that Its calls are not accepted on my line, they're redirected to my peps. If the call is worthy, I'm notified. So, It tried calling, no messages, wonder what bill It owes NOW? What destruction has It enacted NOW?

So, re: Pedrito. Did some fact checking. Remember the "you never visited your brother?" His automatic response "you came every day." When It claimed to have had lunch/dinner with him last week, a couple of weeks ago, he said she never did. His comment "she kinda makes things up doesn't she?" My response "she does the best she can." That will ALWAYS be my response. It sucks that It insists on using me as a toilet, but that's ok. I know, God knows, and Pedrito knows wassup. And even if no one else did, I do.

Bitch is miserable, owes too much. Here's a secret: STOP SPENDING. Get your shit together.

Really??? What would YOU think if you inherited not one but 2 VERY used cars?

What would YOU think if you got so many tickets, you can't even bring yourself to court to face your court date (REAL sober behavior?).

And Pedrito REALLY loved: "you need to buy me a fridge and a couch and an oven and........" His response to that "does she break things on purpose?" My answer, "no, It's just a shipwreck who insists on destroying everything. He REALLY couldn't wrap his head around Bitch's need to get into the garage. Again, I explained, you can't expect logic from a person such as this.

Fuck it, I ran I'm good, the sun's out.

Live, laugh, love!!!!!

Day 2178

Here we go again.

Came in, same crap. It RAGING, "give me my money..." SCREAMING about taking me to court because........basically I need to print $$$.

-I'm a horrible person no one would/could love/like.
-I'm selfish and only think of myself (redundant?)
-I never gave my son money over the last 5 years (who pays the bills?)
-I portray myself as a nice person when It and Its friends know otherwise (of course, Its friends got their information from whom??? A bit jaundiced n'est pas?).
-I have no right to sleep @ the address to which I pay all bills.
-I never visited It while It was in the hospital for 5 weeks (who was working and taking care of the house AND our son? What the Bitch has proven Itself incapable of? The house is falling apart and "caring for our son involves buying frozen food). Also, It never, ever told me It was going into the hospital. I was, frankly, happy for the peace and quiet. As well as the chance to put the house in order.
-It deserves a new fridge, washer/dryer, and living room furniture. A fridge-that I'm not allowed to touch, a washer/dryer (the dryer works, the washer you already know, is broken as it was allowed to "dance" around the basement since It never ever balanced a load), the living room furniture-for a living room I'm not allowed to sit in-furniture It has already destroyed on 3 occasions. Much like Its cars-It destroys EVERYTHING and maintains NOTHING. Yet wallows in Its victimization. Everything is my fault of course.

All this while less than an inch from my face, with spit flying.

My response: silence.

All this from a religion teacher (THIS is how Jesus behaved? THIS is what Jesus taught? "Love one another as I have loved you," unless you've made your life a mess and think money will solve your illness.

Also: "and your son wants nothing to do with you." Of course not, I don't enable him. I pay all the bills providing a home. It acts like I boast of this, I do not. I AM happy that I have the intelligence to budget. Unlike the mental Bitch.

How ARE your 2 cars?

Live laugh love!

Day 2177

Rain sucks.

Was s'posed to do the 5k last night, no fucking way. POURING rain. As the peeps ran to the start, I ran to my truck.

Had a VERY good night, peace and quiet. Great to have peeps.

Over 7,200 hits on the Youtube page. Over half asking why the Bitch doesn't take meds, and exactly what It's mental diagnosis is. And nearly EVERY one wondering why It destroys everything and maintains nothing. 90%+ ask why it can't keep a vehicle decent. Remember the Malibu? After It demanded my set of keys, no problem there, the car got totally trashed. Now, It has 2 pieces of crap. As if trashing Toxichouse wasn't enough?
                                                                                                                                                                     

p.s.

So, if I'm away I "come and go as I please" (like Bitch doesn't???)

If I attempt to spend any time there I'm threatened with legal action (go ahead, I DO have rights).

Break into the locked garage. Which was locked ONLY because it was the ONLY safe place for me to keep anything-since It made a habit of fucking with my things. Now, I don't even have that. Fuck it, everything can be replaced. Except mental health, Bitch.

Enjoy your debts, hope the garage made you happy.

How was raiding the piggy banks? Pathetic.

Day 2176

TOTAL Bitch!

Had an epic day. Did the 10k, hung with the peeps in Manhattan, hit a meeting. So far so good.

Entered Toxichouse, first quiet-then.....all hell broke loose!

(Bitch broke into the garage, nice. Enjoy. Everything can be replaced-I have no debt, Bitch).

It's FREAKING over bills. No shit???? STOP SPENDING.

It, literally, gave me no peace. First, railing against my "coming and going as I please." Like It doesn't??????? This, while screaming that I have no right to spend any time there??? (yet enjoys the cable for which I pay???). Basically, mental Bitch on meth. (funny, It isn't taking the meds It used to).

Then, alleging I refinanced for personal gain. Moron signed off on the documents, conveniently forgetting it was done to take advantage of lower interest rates-during the period in which It ceased contributing to bills.

THEN, screaming that I didn't give Stoney money. Forget the earnings he smokes daily. Forget that if he didn't, he could single handedly pay for his education. No, blame me. Typical of a moron who has-now-a white trash backyard. Piece of shit car in the driveway, because It's afraid of getting ticketed/booted-again. Another piece of shit in the driveway, again, neither parked in the street because of ticketing/booting. (ummmm, PAY your tickets???? DON'T get tickets??? Fucking moron. Funny, who's to blame for THEM???? Couldn't find a way to blame ME for tickets????). Let's conveniently forget that I pay EVERY household bill. As I asked the mental case repeatedly, "tell me when to cancel cable, and I'll gladly give you the money." Moron.

Golf this am, then the run this evening. Retirement is good!!!

(imagine, after trashing the garage, having the balls to demand I sign off on a loan? Good luck Bitch!)

It makes HOW MUCH from disability + off the books income, yet STILL has nothing-while contributing NOTHING to bills???

Fucking nut job.

I can fix the garage door, Bitch'd STILL be mental.

Day 2175

:)
BRUTALLY humid am, but STILL finished the 10k. No walk breaks, though DID walk through water stops. Never DID figure how to sip and run @ the same time.

Spent the night with peeps, to get to the race rested and first and foremost: to have a night's rest.

Day 2174

?

One day hell, next day silent. Mental illness IS anything BUT dull.

Came in last night, Bitch silent. Perfect.

This am Spin, then hung with peeps. Breakfasted with Pret. Nice!

Day 2173

Back

Bitch is BACK!

Must've gotten another bill.

I got in, It was on a TEAR. All this in front of Stoney and his peep. Real class.

It now alleges I refinanced for personal gain. Regardless of signing the paperwork when we did, It now-in Its diseased mind-alleges I did it for myself. Fucking moron.

Not even thinking: BOTH parties signed the papers. Fucking moron. Conveniently forgot Its responsibility-again.

Nice to be a perpetual victim.

I worked, I ran, I had a GREAT day.

This just in

Ducked in to brush my teeth, Bitch out, all tranquil. Then...THEN

Guess who storms in, threatening lawsuits/take me to court because I refinanced the mortgage to.....

This Bitch IS sick.

1)If you pay a bill, you have a say, otherwise: fuck off and enjoy the free ride.

2)I DO have a right to spend time in MY house.

3)Enjoy your debts, you earned them.

(got any Snapple?)

Day 2172

The thing of it is:

Here's what I don't get: Bitch constantly takes Its anger out on me. Bitch tries to keep me out of my own house, doesn't thing I have any rights in the address to which I pay every bill, and it pays NONE. It charges a buttload, living WAY beyond Its means, then thinks of he magic pill: refinance the mortgage. All well and good, but, who pay the mortgage? Does It think It will receive any assistance if It pays NOTHING toward the bills?????????????

Really?

Wake someone up from a sound sleep to scream at them, then expect assistance? Call me a "scumbag motherfucker," who should "die a slow and painful death," (wonder if It uses this language in religion?), then expect help?

What part of THERE IS NO SPARE MONEY is not clear?

This individual receives a monthly disability check, and off the books income. Pays ZERO household bills, and yet is in debt. Pity.

Try kindness, it works.

Does a negative word EVER come out of my mouth? No. Am I constantly he recipient of abuse? Yes. It's ok. I have thirty years sobriety. I have zero debt. I am retired. I am healthy.

This morning I ran.

Life is good!

Day 2171

Better!

Came in last night, Bitch behaved, a.k.a "quiet." Stoney hangin' with his peep. Nice, for a change. As I walked by the gate It, again, broke. Paid $1,500 to have it fixed/replaced-Bitch left it open before a storm-of course it broke. Of COURSE Bitch hadda drive into it. Good. When it breaks for good, leave it broken.

Worked last night, little sleep, got my miles this am! Nothing stops me.

Day 2170

Amazing

What you can do when you put your mind to it!

Did the 10m race, worked all night, then ran this am. Was SUCH a beautiful morning I hadda. Cool, crisp, perfect! Probably collapse later, but as long as I keep moving I'll be fine.

Day 2168

???

Come in, spoke for a nanosecond, then...THEN...Bitch demands $25,000. WTF? It IS losing Its mind. "I need....." STOP CHARGING. Moron.

Did the run this am, poorly directed, was supposed to be a 5k, was more like an 8k. Who cares, had fun. Then, back to Toxichouse for the first lawn mow of the season. Of COURSE Bitch started with the garage shit, to which I replied "anytime you need to get in, I'll open it." What the FUCK does It think is in there??????? Mental Bitch. This, after breaking one of the garage windows. I finally responded "do that and your lawn will NEVER be cut."

Fucking mental Bitch. Here's someone making Its backyard nice, and does It ask if I need a beverage? Anything nice to say at all? Bitch wasn't even supposed to be there.

Fuck 'em, I ran. I'm good!!!!!

Day 2169

Again I ask: WTF???

Had a VERY good sat, ran well, then chilled. Came in, more Haagen Dazs empties in the garbage-none saved for me (how's that abscess? Got any Snapple???). THEN, selfish mental Bitch has the tits to ask for something?  1)fix the back door asshole! You know, the one you promised to replace as my birthday gift? The one currently held together with duct tape??? (could you BE more White Trash???)   2)fix the front door-now in as bad shape as the back. Gee, slamming a door breaks it???

So-again-went out to dinner. Every time Haagen Dazs is purchased and eaten, leaving none for me, I go out to dinner. Fuck 'em.

Then, when any further demand is made-or my belongings vandalized, I'm cutting off cable. Why should I pay for something when I'm not allowed to enjoy it?

Did the 10m this am, bbq later.

Day 2167

La La Land

Apparently, that's where It lives.

It has a buttload of debt, keep charging babe! It thinks a home equity loan will address this. It doesn't think: you have to REPAY a loan. And I'm not about to cosign on anything It's involved in. MIGHT try NOT charging????? TRY living within your means???

It tried again getting on me last night, attempting to indicate I was responsible, i.e. all the shit I charged.....What It, again, failed to realize: anytime I charge, I repay IMMEDIATELY. I NEVER charged when I lacked funds. Only charged because cash is a liability. What It thinks: credit cards are like a magic wand. No WONDER It pays exorbitant rates as well as penalties. Now, it is backed into a corner.

So, of course I indicated the obvious: debt consolidation. Duh.

Gee, wonder where Its friends are? Do THEY pay Its debts? Not a cnt, yet, they radilt offer their opinions. Equally worthless.

This, from a person with dental issues-who is surgically attached to a bottle of sugary beverage. Again, DUH.

(wouldn't the $$$ used for Aruba be useful now?????).

Also, after 24+ years of work, did I EVER have a vacation? Nope. Yet, It feels entitled to Aruba? And to lay about in the sun????? (REALLY wise for a cancer survivor).

Got my miles, went to Spin. Going out to dinner. Nice.

Day 2166

Men are from Mars....

Went to my Wed meeting, REALLY good. Nice to have friends, you know, "make believe friends?"

Then, caught Mad Max. Not really impressed, but 1)better than a moment with Bitch and 2)killed time till the airing of Dave's last show.

Turns out, Bitch had an abscess. THAT's what was behind Its mental breakdown. God FORBID you cop to being in pain, rather, tear me a new one.

Got to bed, the bed is DESTROYED. Fucking mental asshole.

I can make the bed, but you'll still be fucked up beyond belief.

Tonight, dinner with the guys.

Day 2165

?

Got in, of COURSE Bitch started. The lawn,,,debts......wants a fridge, a couch...............NOW that It demands I avoid the place between 8am-8pm, It wants the lawn done? Of course I responded: tough to do in the dark. Fucking moron.

Re: The fridge, the couch. As I said before, It's been through THREE couches. The fridge? I'm not allowed to touch anything within it. Sucks for It.

So, what does It do? Take one fucked up car to buy ice cream. Remember, the one constant was: the Haagen Dazs comes in a 3 pack, no matter how much fireworks happened one was saved for me. Not yesterday.

Nice isn't it.

Enjoy your debt, you earned it.

Funny, after working 24 years for the state, does It give me ANY credit? No. Rather, in Its mental mind a staffworker became a lawyer-expressely to see me fired. Could you BE any  more mental? Like I'm that important?

This is what happens when you reached the top of your field, worked endlessly, devoted yourself, and retired. Your mental, psycho, angry, off Its meds, Bitch takes the feelings from its shipwreck of a life and blames you. This is what transpires in the mind of a professional victim. Alot easier than being responsible isn't it?

Had a BLAST @ the Ranger game yesterday. This am, got my run in on a crisp, cool am. Nice. Later, going to the final Letterman taping.

To think, I offered It Van Morrison tix, Its response: "give me the money." Sick. Pathetic.

Hope the ice cream was good.

Day 2164

REALLY?

Can't get over my piggy banks depleted. Fucking pathetic.

When Bitch got out of the hospital, It came home to a thoroughly clean home, a son having missed not a day of school, debts paid, all in order. Prior to hospitalization, house a shithole, It avoided the phone due to debt collectors.

Now, house is Toxichouse, shit EVERYWHERE, It has not one but TWO cars in total disrepair (wonder what'll happen when It needs replacement???), and It has debt collectors up Its ass. Good. THIS is what you get for being a mental Bitch.

Had a GREAT night on the job, dif location, no boss up my ass. REALLY a pleasure.

Spoke with football dad this am, we're hooking up manana am (you know, one of my "make believe friends"), as Bitch does...whotheFUCKcares.

A very good night, a very good day!

Day 2163

S.O.S.

Come in, mail opened. S.O.S. Bitch Cannot keep Itself. Yet, if I touch ANYTHING.....Good. THIS is why the place looks unoccupied. Grass a foot high.

Stoney, in the den again, moved my shit, again.

Ahhh home.

Fuck 'em. I'm good, I'm REALLY good!!!!!

Did the Half, did the Memorial Run-broke 9 minutes!

Day 2162

WHEW!!!!!!!

Again, VERY little sleep, ran.

2 hours or so, an extended cat nap really. Then off to lower manhattan. There were 2 races today; one in Queens (Forest Park), the other the NYPD Memorial. So, guess which? Of course the nypd. Got there early enough to snag a GREAT spot, only to be told-too late-to move because....Even the cops there thought it was ridic. Nontheless, when tables were set up blocking my exit (tables, in the street??? YOU tryu arguing with cops. Asshole move THAT wasP). The garage across the street: $48. For 3 HOURS???? Fuck that. One block away, $22. Only in ny kiddies.

So, prerrace chillin', sittin', nappin', the Danz's encounter me. They were pinning numbers to their shirts. Amazing. 2,000 peeps doin' this race, I bump into them. REALLY glad I did this one.

WOULD be nice to sleep, but @ Toxichouse, the best you do is shut your eyes (literally AND figuratively).

Quite a weekend!!!

Day 2161

Did it!!!

Worked, wrapped things up. Caught 90 mins of sleep, then off to Brookyn. Volunteered @ the start baggage, then ran the half. Who needs sleep anyway?

Day 2160

Whole again!

After setting a record for loaner car possession (gave my veeeeehicle to the dealer April 10!!!!!), finally got my babybackbabybackbabyback. Fair dealer, good people.

Manana, hell. Brooklyn half, that's good. Bad: rain, and horrible logistics. Whatthefuck, better than spending a minute with Bitch.

This am Spin. Felt GREAT!!!!!

Day 2159

Yin/Yang

Funny, all was well when I got bills, THOUSANDS of dollars of bills for treatment It received. Now that It gets the bills for the care It received, I get a new one torn?

Add THAT to Its lifelong resistance to living according to a budget, and you get the current conditions. KNEE DEEP IN SHIT. Sucks for It.

Called it didn't I??? WAY back when we lived in Uniondale, I'd asked why It never, ever wrote a shopping list? This m.o. followed It throughout Its life. Never lived with any semblance of discipline. Now, over $100,000 in debt. What does It do? STEALS the change from my piggy bank. No shit. Fucking pathetic. Then, raids my closet.

Sad.

Not to worry. I led the meeting last night, one highlight of which was pictures of Toxichouse. It tried to undermine me, actually speaking @ MY homegroup (It has poor-if any-boundaries). No worries. When the assembled groupmembers saw the pictures of what It allowed Toxichouse to become, they ALL asked which episode of Hoarders we appeared in?

THIS was balanced with the pictures on my Youtube page, showing the house when It got out of the hospital. There we once were, clean, ordered, no bill collectors.

The place looked great. Of course, they asked just HOW mental It is? I had no answer. Not my problem.

(they really loved the pix of the punched out door).

Beautiful day, got my miles, then golf. Later, meet with my peeps.

Day 2158

Told ya!

All was well when It tried pushing Its debt onto me. Now that It must face the music, all hell breaks loose.

Debt peeps be hittin' on It to pay the piper. Now, the guy whose belongings were flung to the ground, the guy who is banned from his home during 8am-8pm, the guy who pays every bill, is supposed to enable this?

It claims It will apply for a home equity loan. Good luck with that. It needs my signature. And I will NOT lose my home because It is a shipwreck.

It went on a rant about debt, maxing our credit cards, the couch, the fridge...basically everything It touches turns to shit. And I'm supposed to help? Satan doesn't help. The fridge I'm NOT supposed to eat from, I'm now responsible for? The oven I'm not supposed to cook with, I'm responsible for THAT? Convenient to blame aren't I??????????????????

As if paying every bill isn't enough?

Told It to make nominal payments. But that won't suffice. It won't even try. THAT would involve responsibility, which It obviously cannot commit to. Rather, as usual, It wants a magic pill. Start the countdown re: how long 'til Pedrito gets a call.

Useless Bitch.

Day 2157

Damn.

Bitch came home, thus, "home" again = "Toxichouse."

Fuck 'em, got my miles, Spin tonight. Summer's ON!!!!!

Day 2156

Nicely done!


Did the 4m in CP, nice. Always a beautiful day, always a shirt I wear. Why? Dunno. It's cotton, flowers on it, design kinda sucks. Probably because of some subconscious shit. Bottom line, another qualifier in the books. Another CP run with no walk breaks.


Saw Maria, broke her balls re: not appearing @ our race. But hadda give her props, had no excuses. Honestly said "did another race." Ok, no bullshit, I'll buy it.


Again, Bitch out overnight. Good. Got a good night's sleep with no drama. As car #1 sits in the driveway. Look @ the Youtube channel for pix. TRY telling me it doesn't look abandoned? Or, like a homeless person lives in it. Fucking amazing.

Tons of shit everywhere, tells me I have no right to be there between 8am-8pm, place falling to shit.....but I need counseling..................


Happy belated mother's day to me! I do it all with ZERO help.

*Won Van Morrison tix for Forest Hills concert, asked if It was interested. It answered "don't change the subject" (It was on a rant, @ 12:40am), then "I'll take the $$$." Fucking pathetic. THIS teaches religion? "Love one another....." right. Angry psycho Bitch. A fucking shipwreck who blames everything/everyone BUT Itself. (remember, the son you CLAIM to love wouldn't have come out of another gene pool moron!).

Day 2155

like I didn't see?

Every day I empty change into one of several piggy banks. Funny how they never fill? But remember, if I touch ANY of the CRAP littering every step of the dump, I'm threatened with legal action.

Fuck 'em. And happy Mother's Day to my mother. Forever in my heart, especially as she watches Bitch fuck up everything.

4m in CP this am. Got a good night's sleep-too good. Bitch wasn't there, so actually had peace. Problem was: overslept (for me). 90 minutes after I'd planned, I left for the race start. No worries, just didn't get up stupid early. Needed the rest.

Day 2154

?????

Came in, air conditioner on the bed. Thanks Stoney. Bitch got to you didn't It??????? THEN, my belongings in the den fucked with. Remember, this is as person who FREAKED because I (GASP) threw out a plastic bag that was on his floor. But it's ok to fuck with dad's stuff. I'm told "you have too much shit there." Who's the homeowner? Who's the parent?

Bitch RANTING about...whatever. You know the drill, "when I had chemo..." "when I was in the hospital....." TEN + YEARS AGO BITCH!!!!! ALSO, who paid every motherfucking bill? Cleaned the house? Assured Stoney was cared for? Funny how THAT is neglected. Convenient to be a victim isn't it???????

THEN, "give me money for..." Again, WHO pays EVERY MOTHERFUCKING bill?????

So yes, I did VERY well in this am's 5k. Broke 30! Now, I know I can break 9 min pace. I actually feel it in me!

..but I need counseling....................

Day 2153

"rest day?"

No run this am, Spin instead. Was REALLY on the fence: felt SO good after consecutive run days I didn't wanna take a break. BUT, manana a 5k, Sunday a 4m. Gotta have life in the legs.

Waiting for the Spin class, instructor JUST made it. I was ready to leave, but showed up @ the last minute. Ended up just the two of us. Nice. When this happened in the past, we both looked @ each other and thought it'd be weird, but 1)we drink the same kool-aid   2)we both needed it. Niiiice.

Day 2152

Told ya!

Run and NOTHING can touch you.

Had a great day off, ran, hit a flick, went to Toxichouse @ 4:30 to eat. MAJOR mistake. Bitch was there, crap EVERYWHERE. It FREAKED. Told me the sight of me pissed It off (good AA there, "how important is it?  "Don't let others rent space in your head?"  "Don't give up your power?"). Ain't I a powerful motherfucker??????? Isn't It a TOTAL mess????? Fucking mental bitch. Actually followed me outside SCREAMING. Good, let the neighbors see what mental looks like.

Actually told me I wasn't allowed there between 8am-8pm. Guess the lawn won't ever get done? Good. Let the dump look like Vietnam.

Fucking mental case.

What REALLY happened?

Bitch has TWO cars that are fucked, and Stoney paymentS (yes, 2) are due. Funny, plenty of $$$$$ for weed, none for responsibilities.

So, It continued ranting, I'm a horrible husband for NOT visiting when It was in hospital, 12 years ago. Of course, HOW many dinner @ Sizzler did Stoney and I have before going to visit the Bitch? Use THAT as proof, dozens. But according to mental patient, I never went. Add THAT to It ranting that I'm also a horrible father (I don't print $$$ to give to Stoney, this was translated into "you haven't given him a penny since......." Of course, WHO pays EVERY bill????? WHO gave him lunch $$$, otherweise he didn't eat, as It pled poverty-as It was tethered to Its omnipresent Snapple bottle???? NOW, following years of sugared beverages, they lament dental benefits I no longer have?).

So @ that point, I had it. Told It It was a shit wife, an enabling mother, and a manipulating hypocrite (speaking @ MY AA meeting????? Pathetic Bitch). Left the place-with It following me raging-good, let the neighbors see what mental looks like. Went OUT to dinner with my peeps @ Peter Luger's.

My peeps REALLY love the pix I threw up of the hole in the bathroom door. Lovely.

...but I need counseling...............................

 



Day 2151

BACK!

Enough of being a lemming, i.e. Spin. THAT was good for a while, but HOW many of the participants actually changed/toned/lost weight? ZERO. Back to running, consecutive days. Nice to have that "everything is now in its proper place" feeling.

Day 2150

Whew!


Made it through the weekend unscathed, relatively. Bitch STILL raging about....who the FUCK cares. As Its shit STILL litters the ENTIRE household, the back door (remember my "birthday gift of a new door?" Wonder where that is???) crumbles. Now the FRONT door crumbles. Think either of the airheads will have a, A-Ha moment and deduce SLAMMING a door wrecks it?


Fuck 'em.


It asked if I had "plans" to get a job. Funny Bitch.


GREAT temps, 80's, warm breeze in the evening. Got my miles predawn, the day is mine!!!!!

***Bitch spoke at my home group-think It has poor boundary issues??? (this, after blabbing about getting info re: my being @ that group from one of its members???) Wonder if It told the group about using coffee to stay awake then using sleeping pills? Wonder if It mentioned calling the father of Its son a "scumbag motherfucker" who should "die a slow painful death" after eating (GASP) food from the fridge-while It specifically purchases munchies for Stoney and his weed peeps??? A.K.A. its ok to buy junk food for weed smoking teens, but the mortgage payer has no entitlements.

...but I need counseling..................

Day 2149

:)


Did the Morris Mauler with Rob. REALLY a good time. Just him n me on a road trip, did an amazing run, then chillaxed. Got to work, did ok, then Toxichouse where all was actually....what's the word...QUIET?


A very good weekend, reconnected with peeps, did the run, worked, nice.

Day 2148

Lovely

Got my miles, then Spin, then peeps. A lovely Saturday, until I got back to Toxichouse. Bitch's shit STILL in the den, useless fucking Bitch.

But I digress. It hadda pass three times, at least, in order to invade my turf to put out the dog-you know-the creature they promised to walk???????

Fuck 'em both, I met my peeps, we reconnected. Like we didn't miss a step. They're doing the run this am, as Bitch teaches religion (Go JEEEEEEEEEEEZUS!). They're professionals with a career, good mates for each other. As Bitch lives the life of a professional victim.

Good to have peeps.

Doing the Mauler this asm, hooking up with my peeps in a few mins.

Day 2147

Called THAT too


Bitch puts Its shit in the den, I move it, It rages. Of course.


Stoney puts Its shit BACK in the den. Remember, this is the individual who demands his father who pays the mortgage stays out of his room. Yet this individual can do whatever they please?


And Bitch? Its shit STILL there.


Fuck 'em. Saw Clapton, was AMAZING.


This am, got my miles, now on my way to meet peeps.

Day 2146

called it!

Bitch switching from one shipwreck to the other, aka: dif car. Result: puts Its shit in the den. You KNEW THAT would happen. God forbid the bitch doesn't walk a few LESS steps to the living room, rather, spread Its crap to the one room where things are in order.

Came in, of COURSE It hadda vent Its rage, typical fucking psycho.

Good news: celebrated 30, yes, THIRTY years sober. Not dry, like Bitch, but truly sober. With the behaviors that match. No bullshit, no playing the victim. Responsible for my life and loving every nanosecond.

Day 2145

THAT explains it!

2 cars in the driveway, the one Bitch drives, and the one It got for Stoney-aka the OTHER car Bitch drives. The issue: both broken. One needs brakes, the other power steering not functioning. Think Bitch is a mess? This comes after It telling me It has a mole in my AA meeting-so much for "what you hear here...."

Bitch had a court date re: tix, chose not to go as It lacks the $ to pay.

...but I need counseling.......

Bitch is the living definition of "shipwreck."

THEN, tries convincing me Stoney has obligations. He makes $466 every 2 weeks, yet It TRIED telling me he pays for books, when we ALL know they hit on Pedrito to finance his books. Make THAT make sense.

So you wonder why Bitch rages @ me? The one being in that Toxichouse whose shit is together.

(you mean you CAN'T spend however you want on whatever you want, and STILL maintain your obligations?????????????? Bitch NEVER had a budget, never TRIED to live on a budget, yet is STILL deeeep in debt).

...but I need counseling......................

Tonight, I celebrate 30 years. NOT 30 years of drinking coffee to process Avon orders, then using sleeping pills to rest. Rather, 30 years without any substance.

THAT is sobriety. NOT avoiding court because my finances are a shipwreck.

Day 2144

!

Came in last night, Bitch behaved, we actually...what's the word..."spoke?"

This am, warm, but nice. Did St.Francis, 6.5, then Spin. REALLY a nice day.

WOULD be nice if Bitch cleaned its mess, the bedroom-literally-has shit everywhere, but It hnadda soak up some sun-good for a cancer survivor-melanoma LOVES sunshine.

Day 2143

:)


Broke 9 mins in Saturday's race, broke 10 in Sunday's, NICE!!!!!!!!!


Reinforced my good fortune w/a conversation with Football Dad this am. SO nice to get a phone call with positive results.


Veeeeehicle been in the shop for 3 weeks now, the downside of a used vehicle: parts are a pain. However, if the veeeeehicle was properly checked BEFORE sale, this wouldn't have happened. In any case, I'm driving THEIR car, so, who cares?


Life IS good!!!!!




...but I need counseling..............................

Day 2142

:)

Yin/Yang

Yin: broke 9 mins @ the 5k Saturday. Broke 10 @ our club 5m yesterday, NICE!!!!!!! BEAUTIFUL day, I did the announcements, had fun, saw my peeps. Pret? Nowhere to be found, funny how the Brickwell kiddies disappeared. The rest of the Queens peeps represented.

Got in, slept well, got up, @ 10am, leaving Toxichouse, Bitch started. Pissed I was "making noise." Fucking useless bitch. When the rest of the world leaves to begin their days, Toxichouse sleeps. When the rest of the world sleeps, they watch tv and get wasted. Nice. Best of all: It bitched about my going "in and out." (I hadda return to drop off my dry cleaning). Remember, Stoney and his peeps repeatedly go in and out between 12 midnight and 2 am, slamming the front door. I go in and out ONCE, which I NEVER do, and Bitch starts......but I need counseling.....useless Bitch, utterly useless.

I ran, I did well, I'm ok. Life is good!

Day 2141

Mission accomplished!

Had the club 5m today. Little rest, shit night, but I broke 10 mins, did ok. Pret? Nowhere to be found, but a gorgeous am, tough course, but I was up for the challenge. Nice to know I'm ok.

Came into Toxichouse, doing some chores, dogshit in the den. Bitch wondered where it came from? My stuff, moved around (remember Stoney's "don't go in my room," yet he has carte blanche with his father's property.

.....but I need counseling......

Fuck 'em, saw my peeps, ran well.

Day 2140

:)

Little sleep, half what I should. ZERO peace or tranquility where I lay my head. NO training, strictly speaking. STILL broke 30 @ this am's race. NICE.

Day 2139

YESSSSS!!!!!

BEAUTIFUL am, high 30's, PERFECT for a run. THEN, feeling SO good, did Spin + weights.
WAIT, there's more! Neil Young tix went on sale, we're in!!!!!

Life is good.

Day 2138

?

So, Stoney and his gf are having it out, to the point that she's yelling in the street. This am, they're cuddling. I give up.

Actually, it makes perfect sense in Toxichouse. Ms.AA sits on the couch as Its son has a bottle of 151 in his room, and Mike's Twisted Tea in the fridge/weed permeating his room. Bitch INSISTS on using the backdoor to let Its dog out (while the side door is WAY closer), promises me a new back door for my birthday, yet 6 months later-nothing. As the back door is now totally destroyed, hanging by a rusted thread. As It teaches religion and attends yet ANOTHER AA meeting. Fiddling as Rome burns. The car It bought Stoney? Sitting in the driveway, tons of the crap It hoarded within that car now in the backyard. Lovely.

...but I need counseling. As Stoney takes his anger out on the bathroom door, now sporting a gaping hole. Did It do a fucking thing? Nope.

Meanwhile, I gotta shift Its crap around to merely walk around the bedroom.

...but I need counseling..............

Fuck 'em. I ran, got my miles, then Spin. Healthy motherfucker.