Achilles Run, "Stay thirsty my friend."

Thursday, June 22, 2017

You don't know

pain until you'v been to your wife's funeral, and everyone there is convinced to were Bad Cop, and half think you killed the Cunt.

pain until you parented your son, alone, with a Cunt reversing every parenting decision you attempted to enforce.

pain until you drop your son ff at the e.r., and leave him there with instructions. Not cold hearted, but "detached," following years of bullshit.

pain until you know he's homeless for a week, as a direct consequence of his substance abuse. Not allowed to reenter the home for a week, after seeing him ride off on his bike with sandwiches you made and a bag of (dirty) clothes.

pain until you have all this happen within 24 hours of Father's day.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017


Father's Day. Two days prior, an i.o.u. for rent. Ok, at least its on his mind. On Father's Day, nothing. I come home, a terrific card and cologne. He comes in from work, of course I thank him. I was genuinely touched.

1:41 this am, the 3 year anniversary of Cunt's death, I go downstairs to piss. He's up, having come in from working the night. I see he has a can, of 14 ounce Natty Lite.

I tell him he has until 6 am to be gone. That he has a week to get his shit tight or never return. I tell him he's lucky-that I'm sure he hadn't been to a meeting (he hadn't in 3 days) didn't have a sponsor (didn't) not attend outpatient in over a week. When he tried the "at least I'm not doing heroin" bullshit, I tell him he's back with open arms if he gets ANYONE from his counselor to a 12 step member, to write a note saying beer's ok, ESPECIALLY when he remembers the rules of his life in my house post-rehab.

He's thus, homeless for a week.

Wonder if he remembers the meaning of today's date.

I write this on a computer in the library. Guess who's a few computers away.


Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Here we are

Quite a day.

Wanted to fulfill my volunteer commitment for The Marathon. So, did the kids global running day thing @ Icahn Stadium. Football Dad and I.

What a day. Took me back to when I started on Ward's Island, all the drama surrounding our engagement and my unemployment. All the shit I went through to get my foot in the door, doing the nyrr run there w/brotherfromanothermother, the concert there w/All American Rejects. Wow. Really time in a bottle. Barely felt like any effort.

Get back to my phone, college peep contacted me for some info.

Today really spanned the various decades of my life.

And here we are.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

So It Goes

Memorial day came and went. Official start to summer. Did the Long Beach run, 5k rather than 10m, hey, my knees hurt. And last time I did the 10m, I hadn't been on my feet for 8 hours daily. Was just happy to actually do a 5k without walk breaks.

Stoney'd being good. Don't have to worry-too much-when I come home. He still lacks any awareness re: boundaries, but no drugs.

Amazing how all I said turned out to be true. Remember my point about Bitch making a point to trek thru the den to put Hulk out? Now, side door. Closer. No shit.

So glad the cunt is gone.

The hard part: parenting Stoney. But, without the Bitch undermining everything, at least some material sinks in.

Thank God for my make believe friends. It hasn't been easy, but a shit ton easier than when that cunt was alive.

Friday, May 19, 2017

One More Month

6/18 we'll revisit Stoney's status.

This am was supposed to be sink or swim. As in: 8am, mattress on the sidewalk, or, so far so good. Well, he's still under my roof.

Sat him down @ the table and evaluated his status. The problem is: he actually hasn't internalized the nature of his transgressions. it came to this: yes, drug free. No, rent. Yet, he has $350, blew every cent, and then some (just     like    mommy). I asked hiom: "how many of your friends would've survived throwing a hammer @ their father???? " (this came after he stated his perception that he hadn't really done anything that heinous.).

I reminded him:

you allowed my home to be the locus for needle party.

you allowed a stranger to live in my living room.

that same stranger facilitated your addiction.

you have zero fucking rights in my house.

four weeks, no rent.


No change, no domicile after 6/18.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Here we go again/things I've learned

Last night, left the concert early, knowing I'd havta play hall monitor to Keith. Sure enough, he blew curfew. Only 4 minutes, but it's the principle. He was, again, made aware of: one nanosecond late-mattress on the sidewalk. He STILL hasn't made an outpatient app't. He was told bursting into my room to voice his objection to what I was discussing with Cathy was GROSSLY inappropriate. That ANY further infraction would result in homelessness, that failure to pay next week will result in same. Enough.

Things I've learned:

NOTHING is as important as you think it is.

Everything changes.

NOTHING is forever.

Love passes.

Really glad I did what I did last night. GREAT concert, hangin' with my Make Believe Friends (fucking CUNT) was epic, especially happy I followed my inner voice to leave when I did. I met the lead singer of the band, AND burned Stoney. If I'd left later, he'd have gotten away with it.

Doesn't suck.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017


So, Stoney claims to have been going to meetings.

So, Stoney claims to have a job.

So, week three of no rent.

So, his phone is outta minutes. He asks to borrow mine, on the phone for 20 mins w/Anne. ????? Told him to get off the phone. He goes off, crying about "you stopped me from talking to her about mommy," "why did you tell her not to buy me a phone." Same old crap. He was reminded of his impending homelessness, and his LACK of ANY right to question.

Minutes later, Cathy called.

As I'm telling her wassup, he BURSTS into the bedroom demanding answers.

I will not speak to him, I'm done. I deserve to be happy and he's done MORE than enough damage.