day 523

later for that!

Thank GOD this fucking year is over. Even the start is headed in an odd direction. tonight the midnight run (YAY!!!), love it. Manana WAS the Republic Airport Run, @ 3pm, CANCELLED. Pussies. WTF??? Low turnout re: prereg. SHIT. Another memory, GONE.

This year really truly SUCKED. Fuck you 2010, go away.

Last night, Stoney home, Shebitch m.i.a. Fridge empty. He calls It, It had taken the grated parmesan from the fridge (when It goes m.i.a. It cleans out the fridge. Great parenting). I'd made him egg noodles (glad SOMEONE was home for the orphan). It'd used them in Its sauce, sauce for whom is anyone's guess, certainly not for anyone living at my address. Pathetic. fucking pathetic. ESPECIALLY the same day as It'd "celebrated" 24 years of "sobriety." Right.


What a shit year.


Peeps I'd thought were close have retreated to their private Idahos. Others I'd admired are off the grid, others injured. And somehow, I keep going.

DP, you're awright. DB, you're always there, though I never seem to have tolerance for your drama, but you're a true friend. GS, love you, but.......Brotherfromanothermother, my man, my blood. Always a call away.

Let's wrap this year and work toward a better one!

day 522

GRRRRRRR!!!

Ok, sloppy out, running no go. Go to the gym.....NO CLASS AGAIN! HATE when they fuck with the schedule. Instead of Boot Camp, they had another. Fuck it, went home. Again, God is good. Who's there? STONEY! YAY!!! apparently, brotherfromanothermother was working, so he was there. Even if he's doing his mute bullshit, he's there. Made all the crap worth it, almost. I was as disappointed as he was that he couldn't hang with his peep, but he was having fun with his peeps online via online gaming. Also, he actually picked up dogpoop! A friggin' miracle...........let that sink in. The quid pro quo kicked in when he asked if I'd returned the Kinnect. (blood pressure building, pressure cooker swelling to the point of bursting...). I said I did and would speak with his mother to determine the next course of action. I again made him aware that he got over by getting double gifted, thus, shouldn't push his luck.

An hour later, I'm chillaxin', he comes upstairs to tell me he was going to his peeps' casa to get a game. Good, get some air. I was impressed he remembered to tell me where he was going (funny how leverage makes an attitude disappear).

This am, Shebitch taking him to Its anniversary. it claims to have 24 years sober. We'll just ignore drinking coffee to stay awake then taking sleeping pills for 3 years. We'll just ignore a year and a half of benzos and the mood swings and verbal abuse of your spouse-all in the presence of your son. If THAT'S sobriety, get me a drink. Ripping the father in the presence of the child? Deny the father the opportunity to view the child's report card? Portraying the father as Satan to any and all? Yeah, real sobriety there. Do absolutely NOTHING for the household??? Ipods for all, 2 for 1 dollar cookies for your husband??? Yeah, nice. Keep coffee in your car in the event that (god forbid) husband uses it? Where's that drink? Demeans all of us who have hard earned sobriety. Professional victim? Yes. Sober living, obviously not.

Best of all, while it grabs Stoney for this "anniversary," it spends the night, again, away from home. As it was packing I was verbally thanking God for my good fortune. Again, THIS is sober? Go stay with a sick friend while ignoring your family. Nice.

New Year's eve looking good. Confirmed my reservation, temps supposed to be great! YAY!!! Be my first run in days. Best of all, it's a qualifier, and no chips!!! A qualifier with NO pressure! I could actually not go at all, and get credit for the race. Wouldn't miss it for the world (GREAT way to celebrate the New Year, killer fireworks), but the freedom of knowing that is wonderful.

day 521

REALLY getting on my nerves!!!

Not only are the conditions too funky to run, even the friggin' gym is affected!!!

Went last night, fully expecting to do Spin class. Nope, nuthin' doin'. Cancelled. WTF?????? I'm getting pissed. Fortunately, there's always the ellip.

Home front, blissful. Stoney: staying with brotherfromanothermother. Shebitch, dunno, but not @ home.

Makes you wonder who's taking care of the dog?

day 520

No run today, ouch. THIS is the time of year I hate. Not because of the cold, but because of the slop-cold/wet slush/salt. Can't avoid it IF you choose to run in it. No thanks. Gotta gym it.

Spin tonight, Boot Camp manana. Cross train, give the knees a break.

Really looking forward to the Midnight Run.

Proud I kept the tradition alive: while others bailed, I not only ran, but made it to the job, @ the usual time. I was the only full time staff here. Meant something to the patients, meant more to me. Despite the overwhelming amount of crap I'm dealt, I did it. My son will never know, and his mother only enables it. Truly, I'm fucked, yet cannot give into it.

day 519

let it WHAT???

There's snow and then there's this bullshit. THIS was ridiculous. Really glad I "bank" runs, i.e. "run today for tomorrow who knows." Even if I wanted, couldn't this am. Same as rain. Running on snow is lovely, but inevitably it gets in your running shoes, you dry them, they lose cushioning.

Good excuse for, finally, a day off.

...or is it? YOU try shoveling this crap????? A workout in itself.

And, yes, I'm glad Shebitch is snowed in. I did the right thing digging out an area for Hulk to venture out, then put the shovel in my vehicle.

Why? Last evening, more holiday terror. Stoney, again, asking what I was gonna do with the Kinnect $$$ after returning it, I explained he got over. Usually Shebitch buys for him, this year, we both did. Also, told him, since he has a week off, to pick up the shit from the dog HE wanted. @ this point It hadda chime in with vitriol, "we wouldn't have this problem is Pinhead was still here," (our former dog didn't shit?) Or better, Its next instigation: "why pick it up, not like you're gonna mow the lawn?" Right, we should let a season's worth accumulate so we can traipse through it. Nice way of backing up the father urging responsibility. God forbid you raise the child to take care of something. Useless bitch. ho ho.

Glad this shit is over.

Snow only worsens it. Normally it's GORGEOUS, but when you're the only motherfucker doing anything, it sucks. I'm the only one who showed for work, I'm the only one @ home that does anything. Hurts more than I can describe. Then, to get treated as I did on the 25th. It is what it is.

day 518

WTF?

So, headed out extra early-for a Sunday, so as to not get snowed in. Got my run in, St.Francis + Kissena=10+. Nice. Felt good, finished by 8:15. Warming up in The parkhouse, hung with the NHP guyz, the judge was there-you could tell: his dog was outside whining for him. Great dog, nice guy.

Off to the Y for weights and sauna/shower. Felt really good.

Was s'posed to hook up with Pret yesterday, bailed to hang with peeps. Today, no text no bbm. Later for that. Can't wait for a no-show. ery telling. If I don't answer a bbm immediately the world stops turning, but God forbid you make plans. This is why I usually run alone. Less bullshit.

Come home, it enters shortly thereafter, starts. "Why are you here?" Really heartwarming Holiday talk ain't it? This from the bitch who gave everyone @ my brother's house Ipods, and gave her husband a dollar store tin of cookies. Again, see pic below.

Can't WAIT for this weekend to end. Feel really alone.

day 517

missed it by THIS much!!!

Close call there. Came back to Toxichouse yesterday pm, after seeing The Little Fockers (horrible movie, walked out), It blew a gasket. We had 3 rocking chairs in the living room, with the Christmas tree, no room for all 3, so guess where one went? Right, my den. Of course I moved it, It went nuts (nice Christmas eve isn't it?). THIS, after going to church, calling Its hub a bastard etc...in front of his son. Ho ho.

Then...normal. THIS is bipolar disorder. Ho.

Merry whatever. I'm going running. Thank GOD temps are good.

...you can pick your friends, not your family. Ho.

Update: Stoney? Hates the Kinnect, what does shebitch do? Backs him up, offers to return it for him. Great to be appreciated isn't it??? I buy Shebitch the Bruce Box.

...What did I get? 2 pieces of chocolate it didn't finish while wrapping gifts, and a box of thin mints. Yep, that's it. Lovely.

ho ho.

day 516

Ho ho ho!!!!

There's ALOT to be said for doing the right thing, even though things appear bleak.

As happens every year, Christmas comes with its issues. This year is no different. House has no heat nor a Christmas tree, Shebitch is NEVER there, Stoney left alone. Everything is my problem. Finally yesterday I got fed up, left It a voicemail to the effect of "it's Christmas eve eve, I saw the gifts you bought for your friends, yet we have no heat. At LEAST buy a fucking tree." I come home yesterday, what's there? A TREE!!! Yay! Finally It got over Itself. I was fucking thrilled. Nice. Down side: Stoney's got a cold-big surprise, never eats veggies, house is freezing. Hey, we got a tree, we're batting 500.

Staff party went well, people couldn't wrap their heads around the concept of a grab bag ("why didn't I get a gift?" "Did you BRING one???"), so we had 6 participants. We did that rather than the Kris Kringle. After all was said and done, go back to my office, a dozen golf balls on my chair, thanks Boss! Nice. BUT, it WAS a buy one get one (he doesn't know I know that), but it's the thought. He ended up picking the gift I brought for the grab bag-a dvd of Get Him to the Greek. Nice all around. Good food catered by a local Italian place.

Then the REAL party. The patients. Every year we do pretty much the same thing, but it always goes off flawlessly. What fun, really chokes me up/puts me in the spirit. Best of all-for the patients-a SHITLOAD of food. Good, as it should be. I'm talkin' put some in the freezer, there was THAT much-9 chafing dishes (you know, with the sternos etc...) PLUS deserts. They deserve it.

What makes it difficult is, it's pretty much the ME show. I practice with them, I pick the songs, I lead the show. Hey, we ALL know I don't do it for ego's sake but because I know what I'm doing. It IS labor intensive: choosing the songs, practicing (amidst NUMEROUS interruptions, not to mention getting 26 strangers to do what I tell them), buying the decorations, arranging for the food, picking volunteers, decorating the venue, running off the music, making sure the instruments work....it's alot. And I'd have it no other way. Since I can remember, I got the "leadership ability...take charge person...his presence is felt when he enters a room..." bullshit, this was the time to use it. And it was WONDERFUL. Wore The Shoes, and the Santa Pimp hat. Best of all, the tight jeans I usually wear were loose(r).

Nice, very nice. Ho ho ho.

This am? 30 degs, little if any wind. Again, felt good. didn't know if I'd make it, since last night sapped me of any energy, but as Steve first told me "the hardest part is getting out the door." Also, it means something to the peeps here to see me @ same bat time doing the same bat shit. Barely broke a sweat. Actually got there earlier than usual. When the alarm went off this am, actually hit the snooze button-in the back of my mind knowing I'm owed a shitload of hours after sixteen hour days like yesterday. So, knowing I had that freedom-not feeling enslaved to report at any assigned time (as if I ever did???!!!), I actually made it here WAY early. Sure i'll pass out as soon as I stop moving, but for now, I'm ok. Left knee a bit achy, but otherwise ok.

(was REALLY nice to have Noelleh here yesterday. Always a delight when a peep from the real world enters this one. Again, reinforces the spirit of the season, i.e. could'a been anywhere else but made it a point to be here.)

ho.

day 515

ho?

So far all's well, surprisingly so. Had the practices for the patients' party-where my REAL Christmas spirit comes from. THAT went well, better than usual. Tonight, the big party. Love it. For some reason, it's truly heartwarming.

Staff party @ 3, that one, not so much. Bunch of spoiled bastards-but some make it worth it. Enough that it DOES result in a good time, but the patients' party is where the fun happens.

Odd, bbm'd Pret yesterday, no response until I again bbm'd this am. Now, what ya gots ta remember, if I don't respond asap, "are you ok? Why didn't you answer...." yet, I get no answer until the next morning, following further prompting. Amazing.

This am felt really good. Approx 32 degs, soooo close to shorts, but, can't push. Better to sweat a little than get a cold.

Still, no tree. Sucks.

day 514

Sucks, but...

3 days 'til Christmas, no heat, no tree. Ho.

Can't believe the bitch continues. And, best of all, is fixated on a box I keep in my place on the dining room table. Scroll down, kiddies, and see the mess that is the piles of Its crap littering the house (pix below), yet It is fixated on moving this one box. I won't even bring up the basement: you can"t take a step, opened boxes and packaging everywhere. Truth? The box is EMPTY, weighted, but EMPTY. Knowing It would freak. I come home yesterday, the box is thrown on a pile in the den. Remember, if I touch ANYTHING, I get the same response as though I'd raped a fetus. Yet, It can fuck with whatever It chooses. No. I played Its game, woke It up, and screamed @ It. Enough. The sink is FULL of Its used dishes, we have neither heat nor a Christmas tree. Yet, this goddamned box is so friggin' important????? Ho ho ho.

Again, what you've got to remember is: when It came outta the hospital this time last year, the house was PERFECT. Now, again, under Its watch, EVERYTHING has fallen to shit. ho ho.

This am? Still enjoying the ride. We've had an amazing week-temps were 25-30ish, perfect for running. Hands cold @ the start, get warmed up and no problem! Really nice.

day 513

THAT was weird/Spirit of the Season/Best of Times-Worst of Times

Ok, so you know the War of the Roses re: Shebitch. That's the foundation. Yesterday Stoney is NOT left lunch $$$ since he supposedly gave some of the $ I gave for movies to a peep for snacks-and was gonna get it repaid (which was obviously bullshit, but, call his bluff).

Yesterday, brotherfromanother called, got the Kinect for X Box, raved. So, like an asshole, I took a chance @ Sears, bought the lil' bastard THE LAST ONE. It was obviously meant to be.

Coworker relates a text from her daughter (in Stoney's class) who indicated there was a big fight, someone brought a gun, school in lockdown. Tried, repeatedly texting him, nothing. Called Shebitch, similarly, nothing. REALLY glad I bought that killer gift-twice the lil bastard's Christmas budget fyi.

FINALLY shebitch picks up, tells me the obvious, he's pissed @ me. Did she back me up? Of course not, remember, this bitch can't get an oil delivery. This bitch can't get a Christmas tree-we have neither heat nor a tree. Joy joy.

I get home, he asks me to not slam the door, I ask him to NOT LIE. We had a shouting match to rival Kruschev @ the UN. Finally, left it with informing him that following NO replies, my number is now changed, when he next desires taco bell, steal it.

REALLY can't believe he was such a lil prick.

...so...the Christmas miracle. Of course, after making my point, I gave him lunch money for the week (remember, yesterday I gave him nothing, did Shebitch step up? No, but I'M Satan???). This am, I wake up to a $5 on the counter. I gave him one day's worth too much.

So, what have we learned? He's spoiled rotten, but honest.

I'll take it. Now, gotta work on the respect thing.

This am? St.Francis, felt REALLY good!!! Wonder why.

day 512

More gooder!

Woke up to a note from Stoney reminding me to leave lunch $. Of course, I responded "you conned me outta $20 for a movie you never saw, claimed you lent $10 to a peep, collect it from him-unless THAT was a lie too!" Hated doing that, but hadda. Gotta be a parent, not an enabler.

Not as bad this am, no wind. About 25 degs. Again, once you started moving, you were ok. St.Francis, after 9+ yesterday, hadda stick to under 10.

Now the question of the week: what to do Christmas day? VC is having a 10k, half, or full. Might skip all that and do The Line. Dunno, yet.

day 511

didn't TOTALLY suck

(but didn't set the world afire either).

Gotta remember, ran hard, for speed, yesterday. Today? 2 walk breaks, 15k in CP. Felt good, 9:40. All things considered, I'll take it. At least sub 10 for the distance. Ran the last 2 miles with the girl from last week's Prospect Park run (impressive for me-she's 20 years younger and was in the corral ahead of mine), we'll do New Year's eve in 2 weeks. Really can't even hide in plain sight. A good thing. Like George Sheehan said: wherever there are runners, I have a friend.

THEN, broke every speed limit to make it back to The Parkhouse for elections. Why? I'll never know, everyone ran unopposed, but brotherfromanothermother was there. Bless him.

Tron? SUCKED.

day 510

I DON'T SUCK!!!

The bad news: big crowd, too many lining up in front.

The good news: sub 9. YAY!!!!!

Didn't have my benchmarks, DP was around but I didn't see her line up. Quantum? Nonexistant, not even in the Brickwell incarnation. LOTS of Striders, even walking. THAT'S the spirit. Missed Quantum, they were always pissed they didn't win best costume-as well they should've been, but this year they would'a finally won. Gotta be in it!

Was cool hangin' with the peeps, bless 'em. Got to wish my usual suspects all the best for the holidays, most won't be there manana for the NYRR run.

Lots of injuries: Sassone, Laughlin, Lynn. Point is: they were there. Bless them.

Glad I did ok. Now, manana's another story. Just finish.

day 509

nice!!!

FINALLY, 36 degs, back to where it should be.

GREAT day off, played in nyc all day, picked up my # for Sunday, then home. Rest. No working out, no run, no nuttin'. Feel really good.

day 508

wtf???

Actually walked into Toxichouse yesterday and DIDN'T get torn a new one. You know you live in dysfucntion central when such a time is remarkable/unexpected. Icing on the cake: Crazybitch DID actually buy Stoney the new World of Warcraft (yet, he's suspended, AND we have no heat), THEN has the chutzpah to ask what I want for Christmas. I said oil. Moron. Still, nice to not be screamed at for once.

Bad news: didn't get into the NYC Half. Sucks. Did it every year sicne it started, should have some sort of inclusion, but, a lottery is a lottery (unless you whore yourself out and raise money for some fucking charity). Really irks me, but, it is what it is.

26 degs this am, little wind. Again, hands FROZEN on the way, better on the way back, actually warm.

Off manana, yay!!!

day 507

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Never had such ambivalence. REALLY was tempted to pack it in and do Bootcamp tonight, but after Spin yesterday-thus in my mind a day off, I hadda do The Line. Glad-as usual-I did. FREEZING on the way out, exacerbated by wind. THAT sucked, but, long as you kept running you were actually warm. Amazing. ALL the way on the way, cursed every step (cold + worried I'd slip on the ice). Coming back was nice to the point that I wanted to run further. THAT'S a good run!

day 506

Snow day!!!

I LOVE days like this, though it makes you a bit more flexible.

Running in it=lovely. Like running on pillows. PLUS, @ the hour @ which I run, I'm first on freshly fallen snow.

THEN, due to my warped nature, gotta go to spin class tonight. Why? In my fucked up mind, the run wasn't enough of a challenge.

Stoney? Going nuts, stuck @ Toxichouse.

Now, here's the weirdness (the latest). Shebitch takes away his x-box due to his assaultive behavior in school. Yet, buys him the latest World of Warcraft. How DO you spell "enable?"

and FURTHERMORE

(still a lil' pissed @ my time in Prospect Park)

WAS doing great, not only sub nine's, but sub 8.5's!!! Saturday's race totally blew that notion away...yet...it WAS Prospect Park-hilly-and it WAS a 4m, rather than a 5k...ok, I can live with that (totally obliviate the fact that I had been running 9.5's, considering that, 9:06 is a friggin' miracle...)still.......

It was lovely exiting the park, walking out deep in conversation with the flavor of the moment-she did the Vancouver marathon. Needless to say THAT broke the ice.

Ok, I'm better now. Just gotta keep at it.

day 505

there's got to be a morning after.....

thank GOD that weekend's over. Last night, the icing on the cake: I'm watching 60 minutes, the power goes off. Shebitch overloaded a circuit. Half the time I come back to Toxichouse my clock's blinking, literally half the time. Having it happen last night was just the last straw to a shit weekend, Now, again, think. If you do the same shit over and over......Nope, It can't take responsibility. Last night's outage was due to the rain. What a load of crap. Again, be happy you're not me. It's really tough sometimes.

But...there WAS light at the end of the tunnel!!! Shorts this am! YAY!!! Got 10+ in. 46 degs, shorts and a sweatshirt. Just what I needed.

day 504

got through it, one way or the other!!!

When I needed it, it wasn't there. What exactly am I referring to? Running. This am, of all mornings, RAIN. FUCK. Needed The Line, but, can't fight the gods. So, thank God for the gym. did the am spin class instead. Felt really good. The instructor, Sahid, a real ball breaker. I'm on my way around, running errands, Stoney texts me and calls, Shebitch calls. What was the disaster that made Chicken Little cry about the sky falling? Internet was down, and of course, I-a.k.a. "Satan" MUST have cut the connection. 2 morons. Oh yes, I'm responsible for the economy too.

This weekend hurt, alot.

day 503

these are the times that try mens' souls

So, re: yesterday's drama, it got worse. Stoney asked for movie $$$, I felt something was amiss, it was. Caught him in a lie. Claimed he went to see The Tourist, asked how it started? Bogus answer. Asked how it ended? Bogus answer. @ that point I blew. He's suspended from school for puttin' the beatdown on a kid, then lies to my face. KNEW he should'a been grounded, but permission to go to the movies was given prior to his suspension, was trying to be fair, this was my return on investment. Best : "I hate you." Really feeling good here.

Did ok in Prospect Park, not a sub 9, actually 9:06. Could I have run faster, yes. But believe me, I was a bit low. @ one point I was so frustrated looking for a parking spot, almost drove back to Wantagh to do the Mulcahy's run. But glad I did Prospect Park.

Second Christmas party this evening, did a walk through. Was Debbie's (I know 7 Debbies, guess which). Showed my face, then split. Would really like to be under a rock about now. Couldn't deal with a party, but I don't see her too often n' as you know, I don't do the social thing.

Great to have your heart and soul lie to you, then tell you he hates you. Makes it all worth it.

this just in!

Stoney, SUSPENDED!!!

Got one call from him, 4 from Shebitch. "Just wait 'til your father gets home."

(funny, Satan has his uses! Wonder what "all my friends say...," "everyone thinks" have to say about THIS one???). Dad=all the blame, none of the credit.

Turns out he laid some kid out. Punched the dude repeatedly in the face.

God help me, I'm proud of the lil' bastard.
Of course, I had The Talk about nothing giving him the right to hit someone...responsibility.....peaceful means of conflict resolution.....my chest still swells with pride.

God help me.

day 502

the downside of my circumstances is having NO support where it counts, in fact, being reviled there. But...fuck 'em. I'm me, I love me.

Bitch finally decided to put up Christmas decorations. Good. No tree, not even breathing a word about it, since anything you say in this situation feeds the fire. On the other side, there is no milk in the fridge (keep buying your friends gifts, we're only your family after all). Multitasking is NOT her forte. Still, at least Its putting something up. What gnaws @ me: I GUARANTEE Its groupies are receiving Christmas gifts. I made sure Stoney knew, "there's goes your oil heat" whenever It wrapped another gift. How can It live this way????? AND, expect a free ride????

Fortunately, God puts the right people in your face @ the right time. The ADT tech-my former student from East new York, had exactly the same circumstances, he got to the point that he moved out. However, HE and his got back together-the love was still there. Bless them.

2 parties this weekend, YAYYY!!!!! Satan gets invites.

This am? COLD, cold as HELL. But, ran. Felt REALLY good, 10+, St.Francis + Kissena. Hadda, rain predicted for Sunday. Also, manana is a 4m. Need the miles.

day 501

Ho!!!

So much for the Christmas season.

Toxichouse? No tree, no decorations, no heat, no shit.

Went "home" yesterday, again, caught Shebitch with Its pants down, but said nothing but positive crap. Make the mistake of going upstairs, It tells me Stoney's hutch fell. Let that sink in. Nothing "falls," action/reaction. Next to his dresser/hutch is the greyhound bus bathroom on the 2nd floor. We never use that toilet as it's FULL to overflowing with Its crap. Of course, rather than work for a living, It spends all Its days a la Hoarders, rearranging Its crap. Thus, It knocked over his hutch. Needless to say, this resulted in a psychotic break of epic proportions-REALLY went off-with Stoney sitting there. Total bitch. Add to this, everything It touched turned to shit-blew circuit breakers, couldn't turn on the oven...name it. Really a cluster fuck on Its part.

This am? St.Francis. Got up late-by my standards, left Toxichouse 30 mins later than usual-I was THAT cold. Sucks when from the moment you enter, to the moment you leave, you can't feel your fingers. Yes, I live in hell. Remember, leaving would play into Its shit, I'm stuck.

So, did 7+, faster than usual. How do I know. Like clockwork, daily my run ends @ 6:38, today, 6:46. Still happy. Feel centered, feel the load is lighter. God, what would I do if I couldn't run?????

day 500

WHEW!!!

Can you beLIEVE it's been this long?

28 degs this am, brrrrrr. FREEZING to stand in, GREAT to run in. St.Francis + Kissena= 10+. NIIIIIICE.

Considering the bipolar status of Toxichouse, this is welcome, the longer run was a treat.

Last night, shebitch on Its best behavior. Amazing. I wasn't Satan yesterday.

day 499

downhill from here.

...'tis the season...


So, of course, Shebitch goes FURTHER mental, if in fact this is at all possible. I'd been doing a work adjustment to be home when Stoney comes home-he should have ONE stable person there after all. It has Its shit, again, everywhere. OK, don't get bent. It gives the deer in the headlights look, so instead I compliment It on some triviality It'd done. So far so good. House, FREEZING, It, rather than order oil, has the electric heater (ok to zap my electric bill, long as someone ELSE pays, it's ok). Still, I maintain cool. It leaves to go to work (perfume kiosk, real career move). Now, think. Mutha of the year leaves without ANYTHING for its offspring. Still, I say nothing.

It leaves, Stoney's napping, under blankets and sweaters-doing his best homeless guy impression. my heart breaks, I cave, take his dinner order, while reinforcing that the mutha he claims to love has-again-shirked any responsibility, thus first bank of dad to the rescue. Go to taco bell, bringing back crap AND rootbeer. Let that sink in, I'm doing take-out, holding a freezing beverage. THAT'S love. He enjoyed it, good for him.

10:40, It comes home, WAKES ME UP to rage "where's the heater???" It was where It'd left it, but moved aside to not be in the way. Again, let that sink in, It came home last night, carried on for a solid 30 minutes of screaming rage, AFTER having woken me up. Needless to say, when I got up this am @ 2:20am, I raised hell. Woke IT up and kept waking It up until I left. Woke It up, yet again, to indicate I'd let the dog THEY wanted out and let him back in. Woke It up again, to indicate I'd cleaned the yard of the dogshit from the animal THEY wanted. It tried responding, but I shut It down, "oh, YOU'RE sleeping and I'M disturbing YOU???" "Sucks for you doesn't it?" No mercy, this is war!!! Bitch woke me up, did ZERO @ the house, contributes NOTHING, THEN has the balls to wake me up??? Die.

Thank GOD for running. Really GREAT temps. 30 degs, with wind, 28, juuuuust right. Sucked if you were standing still, GREAT to work up a sweat.

day 498

brrrrr!

FREEZING @ Toxichouse. THAT was the good news.

Last night, It goes on a tear. Earlier in the afternoon, I'm sitting @ the dining room table, eating soup. It inquired "good isn't it?"

Last evening, It had been out for the evening, It flips out, raging that I'd consumed the aforementioned soup. No, Virginia, you CAN'T make this crap up. Best of all, It again inquires re: "Are you giving me money for oil?," to which I of course replied "sure, just tell me whether cable or the mortgage shouldn't get paid." Remember kiddies, It received a disability check, AND works off the books, yet contributed zero. Stoney needs lunch money? First bank of dad. Stoney needs pocket money to hang with his peeps? First bank of dad. Get it? Bankroll everything, use nothing.

Back to The Line this am. Didn't wanna. Was sleeping, warm n' cozy, even my head under the covers (you can see your breath in cold Toxichouse). Actually got up a half hour before the alarm. FUCKING cold. But, gotta keep on keeping on. After doing so well this weekend, don't wanna regress.

The good news about this cold: snow beats rain!!!

day 497

created a monster!!!

OK, did well yesterday, better than I had a right to. So, naturally, hadda push it.

This am, another flat-though too many turns-5k. Ran into Deb in the gym @ the start, got into a conv with her and some of the usual suspects. Was, again, great to see the LI peeps, plus the added bonus of Deb. THEN, discussed the off-the-wall idea of back to back 5k's. This am's "Pancake Run" was 9 exits from home, the later 5k this am 9 exits after that hmmmm.

So, off we went, cold, but do-able. Deb paced me, though I doubt she knew it. Worked out well. I HATE seeing split clocks, or being told my times, so just did my best. Did well, though I didn't know HOW well until a few minutes ago :) .

Came in 4 seconds per mile faster than yesterday! YAY!!! Thanks Deb. Was tempted to push to pass her, but no, run to run another day.

So, there we were before the run, when one of the usual suspects says he told Polansky he WAS in fact doing back to backs. That's it, the challenge was there!!! Add to this, getting outta Brentwood was a fucking nightmare! Auxillary cops didn't think to let traffic out between walkers, finally, I followed usual suspect out. THAT, even, was a chore! Usually raffles are based on bib, this am, based on ticket. and I didn't have one!!!!! I was PISSED, the raffles here are good ones, but fuck it, I did ok-so I thought (didn't know I did THAT well, yay!!!!!). So, onto race #2.

Can't beLIEVE I did 2 5k's, but one was @ 9am, the next @ 11 am. Whatthefuck, why not?

day 496

THAT'S more like it!!!

Got SO involved in the day to day business of survival (YOU try feeding, cloothing, cleaning yourself, while maintaining full time employment/single parenting/being head of household. Merely NOT eating a bullet daily was a miracle, yet alone running well.

It appears, though, that's behind me!!! YAY!!! Back under 8.5 minutes per mile in a 5k. As it should be. Thanks God!

day 495

TGIF!

Nice way to end the week. Did St.Francis, nice and clear today. Yesterday was truly off the hook!!! No branches, the fallen trees had been removed. God bless the parks department. Felt good, sweatshirt, knit hat, gloves, and longs.

This is all in preparation for the weekend! 2 5k's, after last weekend, 3x, gotta maintain sub 9's. I think I can, the question is, do I want to? We'll see.

day 494

could you BE anymore of a pain in the ass?????

REALLY havin' it out with God lately (when you can't accept responsibility for your own actions, blame God). Actually started yelling @ Him during this am's run (thankfully no one was around, would've been hauled away in a straightjacket). Why? Yesterday's rain n' winds resulted in lots of branches on The Line. Now, take a second. When I run, visibility is an issue, so pretty much every 30 yards was an obstacle. The good news was I got my run in, and had a couple of nice breaks. The bad news: trees, 2 of them, in addition to miscellaneous branches hither and yon. @ one point I felt like a hand was grabbing my ankle, friggin' branches were like antlers.

But, again, a nice morning to run!!!

day 493

ouch


dropped by Toxichouse @ 2:30pm yesterday, OUCH!!! Shebitch there, Its crap EVERYWHERE. I mean EVERYWHERE. In the den, on the dining room table, in the living room, amazing. Emptied Its car, again, and spread the contents everywhere. THEN, freaked out big time!!!! You can't write stuff this good. Freaked out big time, cursing, screaming, "everybody knows you're.......all my friends say..." all this because I had the nerve to enter my house. Can you imagine???? Obviously It got caught with Its pants down, and didn't care for that. Bitch. Pure unadulterated bitch. I didn't stand for it. Threw it right back to It. Actually got an inch from Its face and SCREAMED. Fuck the bitch.

OUCH!!! x 2.

Rain, damn! Good to rest the knees, but needed to run, such is life.

day 492

here we go again!!!

Fucking rain!!! This eve through tomorrow pm. Damn. WAS on a roll there.

St.Francis + Kissena this am, 10+. 46 degs, really nice. Sweatshirt (could'a done with plain long sleeve) and shorts.

The killer is: today through tomorrow, temps approaching 60, but, RAIN. FUCK!!! No fair.

Shebitch? Stoney texts me, asking for me to bring home some...what's the word...FOOD??? Of course, prior to going m.i.a. It left the fridge bare (yet continually reminds ME of my parental responsibilities). Turns out he didn't go to school, sick. So, at that point I reply "whatever you want." Poor fuck is all alone, sick, fridge empty. No sooner does he inhale what I brought home, guess what walks in??? It was with a sick friend. Yes, you read that right. Ignore your son, don't go foodshopping (for which the gov gives you a disability check), don't heat the home, but tend to a sick friend. Amazing. And above all, remember, I'm Satan.

day 491

one year ago

It was in hospital, stem cell. One year ago, It was discharged to spend recovery time @ my brothers (instead of home-easier to play victim/patient). Now, since Thanksgiving, It's been m.i.a. Dunno where It's been, don't give a fuck. Glad It's outta the house. One small prob...what's that word...PARENTING????? Again, missing in action parent strikes. Bitch really has brass balls. Disappear whenever you want, not a word re: where and when. But all It's friends/groupies think I'M fucked up?

GREAT morning for a run. 36 degs, knit cap, gloves, long sleeves, windpants. Wonderful!!!

Feel HORRIBLE Stoney is left to fend for himself, but @ 15, he can take care of himself, knowing I'm a hop and a skip. Even told the spoiled lil' fucker he had a lift if he wanted/needed it, just say when. He needs to know he isn't alone.


***And THAT'S what slays me. Do the bitches friends EVER acknowledge that I work for a living, then get to play single fucking parent??? OR, care for a dog I didn't want??? Of course not, I'm Satan.

day 490

threepeat!!!!!

Ok, Friday, 8:29. yesterday 8:51, today 8:56. YAYYY!!! 3x sub 9's. REALLY glad, and, THAT was just the beginning!

Was, again, tempted to NOT wear the chip. But, took off before had time to think. Why? Was hangin' with brotherfromanothermother. YAYYY!!! Besides Stoney and Pret, the only human to set foot in my baby. We hung in the truck before the run catching up on "stuff." Helluva good time. Before we knew it, time for the last pre-race piss, then, the gun went off! FUCK! We were so busy talkin' @ the start, we weren't paying attention (not a bad thing, it was COLD. Not yesterday cold-no wind, but cold nontheless.).

Now, Rob's Run is one of those "you live on Long Island so you MUST do it" races, not unlike Cow Harbor. I do it because of Steve. Brotherfromanothermother did it because of Eddie-with whom we hung before the run. Funny, we each had a running mentor/bro/bud/peep.

The downside, lots of single file running, in the woods, XC. So, pray it isn't muddy, and pray more that the asshole in front of you either keeps pace or moves over. Today was a crash course in "if you wear an Ipod, make sure you can hear what's around you." Actually hadda push people outta the way, they couldn't hear me.

Brotherfromanothermother sucked worse than I. I was THRILLED; again, broke 9 minutes. He came in @ 9:25. WHATTHEFUCK????? I passed him right after mile 2, expected him to catch me, he tried but couldn't. That just ain't right. He is the opposite of Deb. Pesa rests and runs better/faster. He doesn't run and loses speed. He hadn't run all week. He's not sure if working midnights is finally getting to him. I don't think so. I believe his motivation is gone. He's happily married, has a supportive spouse. If I was him I'd be home all the time, or pursuing shared interests with her.

REALLY glad I was, again able to break 9. There's hope for me yet! Imagine what I could do if I really tried?

...and...nice give-a-way:knit hats.

day 489

YESSS!!!

In training, "they" say you hit a plateau, but don't quit. This IS true!!!

Was tempted to NOT wear the chip today-end on yesterday's sub 9 minute high note. But no, hadda see if it was a fluke. Possibly an error, today was XC. Ouch! BUT, Deb was there, good to use her to pace me-she usually outguns me (which REALLY makes me question my training ethic).

So, saw the usual suspects-half of 'em. Today WAS "The Orphanage" a.k.a. "Bridie Goldstein" run, but it's no mo'. They lost money. So half were here, the rest will be there manana for Rob's Run-the Long Island thing to do.

So, off we went, cold, sweatpants cold. Deb was gonna wear her Strider jacket, THAT's cold.

So, ran the last mile with her, then passed her with 100m to go, just to prove I could. The thing is, don't usually wanna, but hadda make the point that I can if I so choose.

Came in sub 9, 8:51, but factor in it was XC, really happy. Also, the last 400m was wrongly laid out. You rounded a turn, expected to finish, the line was further. Not cool. BUT, it was the guys from Tri and du It, really great guys. Asked about the new Year's Day run, said they awaited FAA clearance.

VERY happy, 2 days sub 9, glad i wore the chip.

Now, manana? Dunno. Narrow, single file areas. Might go chipless.

Stoney? spending the weekend @ brotherfromanothermother's. Shebitch? Presume It's there as well (wouldn't wanna invest time winterizing your home or anything). AND, It took the milk. Nice eh?

The best news-aside from 2 sub 9's, breaking the "Fluke" theory? Have the house to myself!!! YAYYYYY!

this just in!!!

jeez, almost forgot, did the Run Your Turkey Off 4k this am. Maybe shorter IS gooder? Did VERY well, esp considering lately breaking 9 minutes was a friggin' miracle.

Throughout the run, kept thinking "don't be a fluke, don't be a fluke." Sho 'nuff, it wasn't!!! Came in @ 8:29!!! YAY!!!!!

Do I regret NOT being a pig yesterday? No. REALLY was healthy (though I WAS soooooooo tempted. Had zero starches/carbs).

REALLY happy with my time!

day 488

sometimes you DO havta wait for the miracle

HATE bumperstickerspeak, but it's true. Didn't expect yesterday to go as well as it did.

Started off right, got my St.Francis in. Warm, for November. Shorts, long sleeves. REALLY delightful. Was great to see the peeps. Still, lament the loss of usual suspects gone by-they that are no longer vertical or/and they that choose not to participate.

Then, back to Toxichouse, Shebitch out, Stoney chillin'. Nice.

It returns, we drive to the restaurant, do the family thing. It DIDN'T suck. Wow. Priest shutthefuckup, so gotta love that. Didn't regale us with tales from The Great I am. Thanks God!!! What I CAN'T understand is why sister-in-law, who hasn't worked a day of her marriage, cons my bro to foot the bill for a restaurant. So, I got 'em. Pulled our waiter aside, asked how much a head, gave him some green. No one guessed. Perfect. Priest is a deadbeat, more money than all of us put together, but never kicks in. Shebitch has no $$$ for oil for heat, so hadda rub it in Its face-even It didn't guess it was me. Good. Random acts...Do your thing without expecting props. THAT'S where it's at. :)

And, best of all, what's the toughest day of the year for a member of OA? Exactly, a really tough time, managed well-veggies, salad, and meat (oh yeah, bowl of soup). Damned healthy motherfucker.

All because of youze guys, you're there. Thanks.

day 487

THAT didn't hurt a bit!!!

ALLLLLLmost ran with the club, kinda, sorta.

Got a call from brotherfromanothermother. Can FEEL the gravitational pull, urging me to hang with him. Def a bromance, ended last night's phone call with "I'll be there in spirit," to which he replied "me too." We really should move into one bog ass house together...prob is...Terri might get jealous.

Waited for the peeps to show, they did, prob is: they socialize, I run. Def my loss, but hey, gotta be me, so off I went. Surprised I did as well. Was WONDERFUL to see my people, DID suck that no one brought goodies-gotta remind the bored to make it a Thanksgiving run instead of just another club thing. BUT, lots showed. No, no Brickfeet people, again, their loss, fuck 'em.

Pushed it, hadda. Manana through Sunday is the short races, now was the time to ramp it up. Glad I did.

This pm, "family" Thanksgiving @ a local eatery, then Stoney and Shebitch going to HIS brotherfromanothermother's for that kids b'day. Again, It's out as we speak shopping, meanwhile, no heat. Freezing here. Amazing.

Like I said, feel the gravitational pull from my man, but damned if I do "Oh, THERE's the scumbag," and damned if I don't "where's that scumbag?" Either way I'm fucked.

Thank GOD got my run on. Thank GOD saw my peeps. Need 'em.

day 486

Thanksgiving Eve. Dread this one, and Christmas. Yet another excuse for It to act out. Happens every time. This year, the "have you called your brother?" has already started. Of course I answered "no need, you obviously have." And no, I didn't ask if It'd called Its suicided mother, though I WAS tempted. So, currently, slated to join the fam @ Wickers. Odd, sister-in-law doesn't work, hasn't for decades, yet they go to a restaurant for Thanksgiving. Lazy bitch.

Quite a surprise! Expected rain, it didn't materialize!!! Thanks God!!! So, hit The Line again this am. Felt GREAT. Cold-shorts and long sleeves, but not oppressively so.

Things I'm thankful for:


1)Stoney, makes it all worthwhile.

2)Running. Makes everything else make sense. Brings health, friends, travel, everything together. Wonderful.

3)Me. Dunno what I'd do without me.

day 485

OOPS!!!

Still can't get over thinking the seating on Central Park West was leftover from The Big One. I really DO see the world through running colored glasses. Actually passed Macy's and asked the workers what was going on, then thanked them for NOT giving me the "duh."

Last of the killer am's, did St.Francis + Kissena=10+. Why? Rain this evening, then the cold kicks in. Gotta take it where I can ;). AND, for Friday's race, rain predicted. DAYUM. Hey, I got my miles in, I'm good.

day 484

I was thiiiiiiiiis close

Was misting in the am, just on the cusp of either taking a day off, or running after work. BUT, optimism won. WAS in fact misting when I hit The Line, but after about 3 miles, it stopped. Good thing, would'a kicked myself.

Shebitch, again, in rare form. Made the mistake of using the wrong blanket (can you IMAGINE???), It used this as the excuse to go off big time. Imagine, Sunday night, chillaxin', 9pm +, and having to deal with a raging lunatic??? Actually could feel my heart beat faster. Here's a person who espouses serenity/"how important is it-ness,"/religion, yet goes off because the wrong blanket was in use. Ain't I horrible? Meanwhile, It and Stoney had just come back from Applebeees. Right. No $$$ to give him for lunch, no milk in the fridge, but head out to Applebees. Without a word to his father, your husband. Yeah, still hurts. Alot.

day 483

Fun!

Did the Race to Deliver. Didn't see Joan Rivers (if she was there at all), but DID see my peeps. Got a GREAT parking spot (thanks God), despite leaving later than I usually do. That alone makes the day a success. Then, got in touch with Brothergromanothermother. He was volunteering. Hadda, get his 9 + 1 for The Big One. Also knew DP'd be there, so was in good company. Ran most of the run with her, then let her pull ahead. Running @ her pace isn't right. Also, the Forest Park peep was in our corral.

Really fun, a beautiful morning. Now, off to play!!!

day 482

wow!!!

Didn't plan to, but did the Lynbrook run, a 4m. Was feeling REALLY down, Shebitch was on a bender, so needed something unusual-I'd never done this one. The club had its refreshment run, but was in the mood to isolate in a crowd. Nice idea, but didn't work-despite my best efforts. The usual suspects were there, enabling me to get out of my isolation. Thanks!!! AND, broke 9 minutes, FINALLY. Of course, it WAS a flat course, but then again, it WAS a 4m, not a 5k. Glad I did well. Also, made it a point to stay ahead of the usual slow(er) suspects-they that line up too far ahead, or shoot their load then slow down. Yay!!!!! Now, tomorrow WILL suck, CP, but I did well today.

Funny, I DO get noticed 9tough not to). One peep from Forest Park, another from The Big One, yet another from the Get to the Point. All really nice guys.

The bad news: lost the clicker for the truck, so, hadda go to the job to get the backup. Apparently, in changing, I left it on the bumper, then drove away. Thus, a $25 race fee (day of, not bad actually) plus $125 to replace the clicker. Still, worth every fucking penny. Didn't ever think I'd break 9 again.

Hit The Parkhouse as it was still early (Lynbrook is a hop and a skip, lots of New Hyde Park peeps there), caught the tail end of the refreshment get together. Peeps there think I'm a ghost who slides in and out, but really, I went in to pee, and just do my thing-without letting obstacles get in the way. Saw my green peeps, no Pret. Wonder if Pret runs anymore.

So, last night? The house is freezing and Shebitch is getting debt collectors breaking Its balls over unpaid shit, thus, I get reamed. It owes over $15,9000-that's just what I know about. So, can you imagine??? AND, It keeps spending. Fuck It, I broke 9 minutes. Priceless.

Harry Potter? Eh.

The Next 3 Days? Very good.

this just in

today is "national survivors of suicide" day.

Insert joke: _________________

day 481

Wow!

Always thought Facebook was a great thing, now I'm even more convinced. In addition to Alley Pond, in addition to St.Gabriel's, in addition to ICS, in addition to CYO Daycamp, we now have Bellefontaine. (I've really had several lives). Though I got kicked out, that place really was the birth of my growth. So many peeps there. Wow!!! God bless technology.

BEAUTIFUL morning, sweatshirt/shorts: 45 degs. No gloves, yet.

day 480

back on track

So much for options, went back to my groove! After The Line yesterday evening, did The Line this am. Glad I did. Actually enjoyed the contrast-nice to have actually been able to SEE pavement, but, better to run in the cooler/crisper pre-dawn air.

Def feel refocused and centered.

DOES still kill me that, not only would Shebitch steal my stuff, but leave us in debt. When It finally dies, who's gonna be left to pick up the pieces? Pure useless bitch.

Actually had an unusual evening last night: Stoney spoke. Wow. Of course, the apple not falling far from the tree- he DID say "this doesn't mean we're watching The Office together or anything," fucking wiseass. Love him.

day 479

that really hurt

Not only did Sickbitch steal my birthday card, It cleaned out Its car. Translation: all my stuff It stole was revealed. Among these items: a golf instructional DVD. Why It would be interested in that is anyone's guess. Sick, really sick.

The good news: It, having no job, is over $15,900 in debt. Good. It tried sprinkling Its problems amongst various credit cards, and continued spending. Good. Fuck her.

The Concert? In The Pit. Was killer!!!!!

This am, rain, SHIT. REALLY needed a run, but not to worry. Construction guys were on site predawn, I hadda be with them, so I get a work adjustment. Leave the unit @ 3, go for a run. Temps are supposed to be 'round 60+. NICE!!!!

***Actually got St.Francis in. Time sucked, but actually ran it, no walk breaks.

THAT'S the good news. The bad news: of course, my mind wanders: "hey, do 2-a-days (run in the am and pm,") or, bike in the am, run after work. Gotta remember: The Plan never fails us, we fail The Plan. Stick to what works.

Was actually afraid of taking consecutive days off. Thank GOD the rains topped this am-pretty much @ the exact second my am run would'a ended. Funny. Was mulling over going to Boot Camp tonight instead, but glad I ran. Prob w/Boot Camp: it leaves me with 2 1/2 hours between work and the start of class. HATE that. Better to run :) . Always better to run!!!

Now...tomorrow morning????? Doing the night before and morning after runs is the same as 2-a-days. Gotta think and see how I feel.

bottom line: didn't take 2 days in a row off. YAY!!! No pussy here!

this just in!

stop @ Toxichouse on the way to The Concert, my mail's-again-opened. Worse yet, it was a belated birthday card. Think it's easy???

Sick cunt.

day 478

j.w.t.d.o.

REALLY wanted to hit The Line this am...but...was not to be. Raining, lightly, first thing outta bed. Farted around on the pc, left the house, a drop here, a drop there. Get to the job, steadier. SHIT. But, this IS a good thing. Need a day off. When I think of Lisa, The Judge, Polansky, my time will inevitably come. Better to choose one's battles/live to fight another day. Especially now that warmer temps are gone, running in cool/damp ain't so good for 'da bonz.

Sometimes ya' gots 'ta embrace the weather and not fight it. Don't care what anyone says, once your running shoes are wet, they're never the same.

And no, not spinning tonight. Rest is rest.

day 477

better!

Checked my time for yesterday's race vs. last year, came in 20 seconds better. I'll take it! Actually felt like I was putting out effort. Not a bad thing. BUT, what was going through my mind was "it's ONLY a 5k, man up." Though, @ the last mile, there was an endless hill.

(DO miss the old days. Last year we had the Mineola Mustang as the "race after The Big One." Also, we had the Bridie Goldstein/a.k.a. The Orphanage 5k. It was back to back Syosset races: one week the Prostate Cancer; next week/down the road, the Bridie Goldstein; the following week, again, down the road, Rob's Run. Miss that).

This am, back home, back to The Line. WHAT A GREAT MORNING!!! Cool, crisp, barely broke a sweat. Sweatshirt and shorts. LOVE this weather. Again, for some ODD reason, all is right with the world. :)

Left Toxichouse this am. Stoney hadn't slept. Being part Schaefer, he waits 'til the last minute. The night before, he'd been up 'til 5 playing the new Call to Duty. So, he procrastinated on a book report-To Kill a Mockingbird. So, lil' fucker was up all night. I didn't feel sorry for him as he made his bed, BUT was impressed @ his tenacity. Was tempted to reward his tenacity with Taco Bell or other junk this eve, but it would enable his procrastination.


***Rick posting on FB about My Father's Place. He and I were @ alotta the same shows, not there, but @ The Ritz, Palladium, The Beacon. Again, my one lament: Long Island SUCKS!!! The city really has it all. A time we'll never relive. The Ritz, China Club, Limelight, Peppermint Lounge, Bond's...jeeeeez. What a time to be young!

day 476

reconnected!

Saw my L.I. peeps again. Today was the second Great Prostate Cancer Challenge (insert joke _____). Last year DP was there, looked forward to seeing at leats one Strider, but alas, was not to be. WAS nice to again see my LI peeps, George, Paul, Anita, Travis...but we again follow that Mason/dixon line dividing the boroughs. Oh well, their loss. Beautiful morning, GREAT course, LOTS of swag AND a long sleeve tech shirt. One runner, I pulled alongside him, he recognized me from Alley Pond-he remembered the knee braces, wise ass. It DOES amaze me how, even seasoned runners, so many shot their load in the first 2 miles (HELLO, it IS a golf course, LOTS of hills!). I passed alot in the last mile. One guy pushing a carriage passed me in the last 800m. He, too, did The BIg One.

Side notes: Polansky: hip surgery.

The judge: out of action, injured.

day 475

back in the saddle!!!

Back to The Line for real. No "jogs," no "nice easy," but a real run. Felt GREAT. Officially healed. Knee's ok, back, not so much, but I'll live.

Long sleeve top and shorts.

Ran into Chris, otherwise, too early for the club. DID bump into my Indian walkers.

Helluva morning, GREAT day. Like Indian Summer.

Dropped off the DMB CD. Deserved it. Last summer was The Indigo Girls, this summer DMB.

Gonna go nap, then manana, the Prostate 5k. Insert joke ______.

day 474

YUMMM

WHAT A MORNING!!! Helluva way to jump back onto the horse. Crisp, cool-not cold. THIS is the shit!!!

Stoney's actually gonna go play football with his peeps. I was taken aback, asked for double his usual pocket money, but hey, he's trustworthy.

Still a bit achy, didn't go all out, but feeling better. Little by slowly. Back IS killing me, but hey, being fat hurts worse.

day 473

SOOOOO close!

Actually made it down the stairs pain free. Did an easy 6.5 today. Think it was an error, but gotta try somehow. Terribly afraid of reverting.

The prob: it really IS like the day after Christmas/Post Partum Debression/PTSD all rolled into one. The thrill is done, the support has waned, you're you again. A good thing, but odd (and boy do I know odd).

Mowed the lawn. Hopefully the last time until spring. Been delaying it.

day 472

almost can make it down the stairs pain free...almost.

Actually deceived myself into thinking I might be able to go for a jog this am. That's right, not a run but a jog. Sluggish, easy movement, lil' faster than a walk. But no. Still achy. Might chillax 'til manana.

Signed up for the race on Sunday. It's on the T.O.B. golf course, nice way to break back into the running scene.

BEAUTIFUL morning too, hate to waste it, but permanent injury sucks too.

****Post marathon memories: too many signs w/"Toenails are overrated," and Hank meeting me, shaking my hand upon reentering CP @ Columbus Circle, breaking my balls/almost pulling me out for not wearing a bib. Asshole.


*******And yes, got my Dunkin' Donuts knit cap. They learned: had LOTS more people giving them out, last year it was like a feeding frenzy. On the Verrazano, a French runner and his peeps was collecting the cast-offs and putting them in a bag, "souvenirs." Dunno if I'd wanna keep one someone wore, or carry a bagful for 26 more miles. Glad I got one though! (orange too, not pink)

day 471

aftermath/a.k.a. "back into a pumpkin."

Always blows my mind how, the next day-or hours after even, we return to our "normal" selves. Looking back, you wonder if it was all real. Your pain answers that question for you, but you DO wonder. VERY anticlimactic.

Did my usual, the morning after, head back into NYC. Glad I did. Checked out The Marathon Store, $150 for a jacket????? Before, they were $60-$90. $150 is fucking ridiculous. Pity, I liked them, not THAT much though. Then, hung with Pret, then finally home.

Odd to have to take a day off. Feels completely against one's nature, but when you can't even make it down the stairs without wincing, gotta take the time to heal.

REALLY glad I got my peeps. The next day is always tough, like the day after Christmas. But everyone's in good spirits. Everyone I bumped into was glad, pleasantly content. All agreed the corrals AFTER the run are silly, why not use all the CP exits, but, fuck it. We know this when we go in.

The ONE sore spot, STILL long for support on the home front. Knowing they don't give a fuck hurts deeply.

day 470

so, after spending the night out, FINALLY home. last night's drama was typical. In The Big One, something always goes horribly wrong.

My time? Better than last year-easy, since last year's last 6 miles was excruciating. Walked/hobbled. This year, with the spectre of my knee going last year, was taking it easy. Did ok. Would'a been nice to break 5, but I'll take what I can. DID beat Jared (fucking dumbass), AL Roker, and the miner. THAT made me feel good. Ran/walked the last 2 in with Laughlin and John. HE should be proud, his first, started late-the wave behind mine-if you can believe that-and still caught up.

Was odd flying solo @ Ft.Wadsworth, really miss brotherfromanothermother, but he knows that. DID, somehow, manage to pass the time quickly. Odd, we ALL say the waiting is the worst. Running the damned thing is easier than camping.

IT WAS FREEZING. Even with the blankets and hazmat suit, but still, the time passed. 4 bagels, a powerbar and a coffee later (during which time actually managed to sleep), we were called. STILL couldn't believe I was in that wave-had no business there, but the alternative was to give an accurate predicted time and be with the walkers (FUCK!!!). So, off we went. Longas, underarmour top under the singlet, gloves, Strider baseball hat, Dunkin Donuts knit cap.

WHAT fun, pure fun. On the way to the start, asked a volunteer "which way to Queens?," got a laugh. Was smart enough to dodge the flying clothes-runners casting off throwaways-a sight unto itself. Best line: when going thru the Bronx, a runner asked the borough's motto, NYPD Officer answered "Welcome to the Bronx, hide your wallet."

45,000 people FUCK!!!!!

YMCA/Strider/AM Lockerroom peep was @ mile 14, just as he said he'd be (his wife also has cancer), actually spotted me, I turned and waved. Nice. Striders in LIC, almost missed my handoff, I doubled back and DP ran toward me with it. Thanks again guys! GREAT to see youze. Odd, DIDN'T see Andrea @ 20, but then again, tough to spot anyone. Actually bumped into The Dentist in Manhattan during the last 5 miles.

Leg/knee held, but I didn't. Ran/walked the last 3. Ran into Laughlin and John, they were dead too. STILL, was glad I did what I did. Last 800 metres, really slowed to let the CP spectators wash over me. Wow.

Cattle after, channeled through a narrow chute toward baggage. THAT sucks. So many exits to The park, why they do this is a mystery.

Back to the Museum of Natural History. A good thing I ended up with NHP. They parked on 82nd, closer to the finish. Runner's Edge parks near Lincoln Center, almost 20 blocks away.

So, were loaded, ready to pull away, sccccrrrrrape. Bus scraped an NYPD Officer's private vehicle. FUCK. Instead of leaving @ 5:40, 7:33. FUCK that, spent the night at the flavor of the night's apartment on CPW. Thanks!!!

Woke up, off to CP, back to the scene of the crime. My yearly thing. Checked The marathon Store, the jacket I liked: $150. Sorry, unless it comes with a videocamera and a hooker, no thanks. Friggin' prices were insane. Hung with Pret, then home.

Ahhhhhhhh.

Would I do anything differently? No.

Thanks peeps, when the home front couldn't give a fuck, you were there.

day 469

just got home from The Big One.

Post about it manana.

day 468

hadda fight myself to NOT go into NYC today. Rather, 3 miles @ AP, relaxed, just something to do to reawaken the joints. Then, chillax.

Olive Garden was fun! The wait for a table is ALWAYS ridiculous (why DO we insist on that place, 30 minute wait!!!!, thank G I pigged out @ b'fast), Rob, Helen, Deb, Randi, and I. Really great peeps.

18 hours to go. It really hasn't sunk in. The beauty of living with a psychobitch is nothing else can really rev up the anxiety. Everything else pales.

Again; running-easy. Life-not so much.

day 467

never gets old!!!

First, hit The Hard Rock for their breakfast buffet. Had my "heartattack on a bagel;" one bagel w/creamcheese n' sausage, another with creamcheese and bacon. THEN frenchtoast, THEN a cheese omelet. Yumm.

Then the Expo, actually bought a winter hat (with cool key holder) and a t shirt, otherwise, freebies up the yin yang. Saw my "Mohawk" peep, few other usual suspects. Nice to be recognized (yep, I said that!).

Tonight, meet the peeps @ Olive Garden.

day 466

3 days and counting!!!

FINALLY a reason to be happy it's raining, NEED to chillax. No running, no exercising, no nuttin'. Might catch a flick.

Last night, sleeping, Shebitch takes the blanket off me. Yes, you read that right.

Think it's easy?????

Running, easy...life, not so much.

Psyched to attend the expo, fighting myself NOT to cut outta work, but all things in good time. Rush and bad things will happen.

Funny, some things never get old.

day 465

4 days and counting!!!

Last run day before The Big One. Was REALLY cold, but good. Hooded sweatshirt, longs, gloves.

Looking forward to the anxiety, the fatigue, the camaraderie. NOT looking forward to missing brotherfromanothermother. Oh well. Fortunately, God took care of me-who do I run into this am? Len. God bless him.

Toxichouse? FREEZING. Gotta gut it out. I can do it.

Shebitch? Stoney was off-Election Day-It, nowhere to be found. Fucking pathetic.

Running? Easy. Life, not so much.

day 464

5 days and counting!!!

Starting to feel it. Seeing the "Where the world comes to run" banners near CP (AND the spectators' stands) made me teary, but now it's def on!!! St.Francis this am to stay loose, nothing speedy (as if), but relaxed.

Reading Runner's World, they, of course, have an insert. They break down the village @ Ft.Wadsworth-11,000 bagels. Wow!!!

REALLY happy to be midpack in the corrals. STILL not over being next to last for the past 2 years.

day 463

6 days and counting!!!

St.Francis this am, "tapering." That's a relative term. For peeps like me, what we lack in speed we make up with distance, "tapering" means my last run will be Wednesday. That's the price you pay for arthritis. Can't really do long runs, anything longer than a half marathon, so I do what I can.

REALLY a beautiful morning, 37 degs, not bad, sweatshirt and longs. REALLY wanted to try shorts, but this isn't the time to catch a cold.

Peeps trying to organize Olive Garden. The yearly gathering.

re: Halloween

so, here's the thing:

It's out all day, coming back to Toxichouse 'round 9 ish. Ok. No questions since it IS nice to come back to peace and quiet. BUIT, It thus shirks any and all responsibilities; i.e. checking Stoney's homework? Food? Dinner?

And thus, Halloween. Last night, Shebitch and Stoney watching TV, munching on Reese's. This afternoon, Stoney and his friends hangin', trick or treater @ the door: "uh, sorry, we don't have any candy."

Fucking pathetic.

day 462

THAT was scary!

Parked in nyc for the Poland Spring race, everything looked good until.....until...looked up, SHIT, "No Standing" sign on construction scaffolding. Ended up moving 30 mins before the race, paid $33 for parking + $20 for van. DAYUM!!! But, cheaper than a ticket!

Did surprisingly well. Beat my benchmark: Pesa. She usually, deservedly, creams me. Her excuse: elliped Friday. My excuse? Ran both Fri AND Saturday. Apparently, THAT'S the secret to running races well...what's that word...REST??? BUT, that's for they that don't run to stay skinny. Amazed she had my usual time, I came in 15 seconds or so faster than usual. And THAT'S with 3 15 second walk breaks-I had nothing. Nor did I have any pressure. Was a lil' down-found yet more of my stuff buried with Its in the basement. Not cool @ all. REALLY must be nice to have support. I wouldn't know.

After the run, since I knew I was getting raped for parking, stuck around. Stoney had his peeps over, so he wanted the place to himself (sucks, I wanted to take him to see Saw 3d). Went to se Waiting for the Rileys. Wow. James Gandolfini as never before seen. He really CAN act.

Brought a tear to my eye to see the stands for the marathon. Catchy slogan too: "New York: Where the world comes to run." It'll look good on the poster Shebitch will inevitably rip off the fridge.

Missed Tom, he was stuck @ work. Ran into Jose (a volunteer) and Laughlin. This race was @ Mineral Springs-where they did the Runners World photo shoot I was part of. Really brought back memories. Also ran into Randy. it was cool-the NYRR peeps wore Lebow-esque beards, he added a boa...get it: Fred LeBoa. Cute. Had me cracking up.

Still, feels tremendously lonely. When you see how some peeps have support and I get crapped on. It is what it is. Makes that medal more noteworthy.

day 461

ok, 8 days 'til The Big One. Weather crisp, nice.

Was awoken last night to be yelled at, this from the psycho who, 9 days from The Big One tears the poster from the fridge. Back home this eve, crackers stored in tupperware are crumpled. Still think I make this stuff up?

This is why I do what I do. I have zero support, have to clothe and feed myself, while serving as a role model for my son. Yes, nearly impossible.

This is why, when peeps ask for a predicted time in The Big One, I always say "Sunday." You think I'm joking, but merely the act of NOT eating a bullet daily is an act of courage.

St.Francis + Kissena this am, 10+, then off to NYC. The skating rink is up @ Bryant Park. What pure joy. Took me right back to my youth. Think of you every day mom, and respect your hard work more and more with each passing day.

day 460

THAT'S gonna hurt


...but it could be worse.

Inspection's due on the truck. Since the lease is up in Jan, n' I'm over mileage, I'm keeping it. (cheaper to keep her). So, I'm getting an $800 bill for 3 years worth of stuff that was needed if it was gonna be a long term possession. Not bad actually. A new vehicle would'a cost me $2,000 down, on top of my current payments.

Waiting for the dealer to call me n' tell me it's ready for pickup.

Thank GOD I live where I do. I've got the only honest guy on earth. From the salesman to the repair dept. I.E. the repair supervisor has the same vehicle, we compared notes, both agreeing the latest version is bullshit/better to keep what we have.

How cool is that?

after The Big One last year, they sent out a questionnaire. It turns out, they actually listened and put suggestions into practice!

Lots of questions involved logistics and interest. "If you would attend a post race party?" "Which of the listed bands would you be interested in seeing..."

Well, after all these insufferable questions, a payoff!

Big post race party @ Pacha (la-dee-da!) and a concert @ The Hammerstein w/Blues Traveler. Wow. Impressive.

day 459

good day sunshine!!!

Murky fucking evening yesterday, humid/rainy/soupy. You'd think we were back in August. THAT was the bad news. The good news? Shirtless/shorts this am. St.Francis + Kissena, 10+. Nice. VERY nice. After a day off, felt good to be back!

Last night? Boot Camp. With the fuckin' rain, hadda fill that void. Always weird to be there. Was there religiously, until hit the wall re: benefits gained. Now, the instructor and I both know, if I'm there it's only because it was raining. Always have a blast though. Really a fun class, always end up cracking up. Yesterday we had our backs against the wall in a seated position (for quads), doing bicep curls, shaking/rolling our hips. Almost wet myself laughing. Looked like we were grinding.

Shebitch on, another, tear. "do you have money for __________?" Again, I asked It if It preferred the mortgage or cable not being paid so I could give It $$$. No response. Again, made It aware that M/C hasn't had a raise in 4 years, meanwhile the mortgage is now $400 more than when It managed the bills. It responded "I don't even know who the mortgage company is," to which I of course responded "why would you need to???"

Parenthetic to all this: It was manic. Back to Toxichouse, my marathon poster was torn from the fridge. Nice.

This is what I live with.

day 458

spoke too soon!

Was very happy that the Tuesday "Spin cycle" was broken-Spin class rather than running due to rain. BUT, God went and did His thing, this am? RAIN. DAYUM. And, wouldn't you know it, NOW it's not. FUCK.

So...Boot Camp tonight. Crosstraining good, knee pain bad.


...and...show me one American male who'd openly admit his envy of Charlie Sheen. Who wouldn't wanna be him for an hour. Yes, it sucks for his kids, but tell me I'm wrong.

day 457

Yummm!!!

What a delightful morning! Rare to have these temps @ this time of year. 65 degs predawn, shorts/no shirt running weather. Yay!!! Broke the Tuesday cycle (was raining every fucking Tuesday, resulting in my being @ Spin class). St.Francis + Kissena, 10 +. Would'a gone longer but didn't have powergels.

Shebitch did Brodsky's 5k Sunday. Good for It. The only problem: again, It'll do ANYTHING BUT spend time with Its son. I DO find that troubling. Felt like The King when Stoney actually agreed to go out with me Sunday, l-o-v-e-d every second. (still miss his sleeping next to me, his arm draped across me, cute bastard). He had a moment of clarity Sunday: said sometimes he wished he was little/to not be treated as a grown up. Was referring to asking Santa for a flat screen. That hurt, but was likewise heartwarming. My boy is growing up. He realizes that as an adult, you lose hope and embrace reality, that wishing for a flat screen is pointless. Almost got me teary. But it WAS lovely that he voiced this to me, rather than his usual disposition (a sullen teen). Of course I DID make him aware that, as opposed to living in an apartment, that he was, in effect, living in his flat screen. That he had a choice: pretty tech toys, or a house. In truth, cOULD we have one? Of course. But the current tv's work. Also, in truth, I have zero desire to piss money away. He needs to realize this. Sucks that I have to, again, be the reality factor. Parenting is work. (guess that's why It does none of it).

Duh!!!

finally, the "Aha moment."

Why Sybil is nuts and taking out on me.

We know cancer was the presenting problem, what kicked in the psycho in It. But, why in this fashion, with this symptomatology?

It never finished anything. Secretarial school, counseling, social work, Avon, waitressing, religious educator, etc.....This whole marriage thing, It can't back out of, drop. It's stuck, thus, freaking out.

Explains alot.

The ONE thing It can't let go, walk away from, NOT finish. So, naturally, It behaves like a caged beast.

Guess It wasn't fully aware of the meaning of the word "vow."

Pity. English as a second language would'a solved that.

day 456

JEEEEEEZ!

Ok, Shebitch out for the weekend, all day, both Sat and Sun. Good. Bad: Stoney was totally my charge. Now don't misunderstand, any second spent with him is a gift, what sucks is: it's then my responsibility to provide food. Yes, this is a problem. Remember, It receives a monthly check for this specific purpose. This weekend was particularly expensive: he asked for $20 to hit the movies with his peeps (never happened), then $10 to hang with his peeps, then I ended taking him for dinner n' a flick-en route, to Best Buy for headphones. My $100 boy. He deserves all that and more. The point is: First Bank of Dad is getting incensed @ Shebitch for not doing a damned thing. Nothing. Out ALL weekend. But, what price peace and quiet? @ least I was able to come home, rather than avoid Toxichouse.

My end of all this: had a blast with him, hit Dylan's Candy Bar before the flick, got all sugared up, then eat, then the flick. YAY!!! BUT, remember kiddies, IT receives free $$$, yet does NOTHING. This is wrong.

St.Francis + this am, hadda make up for the short weekend. Did well @ the Autism run, especially THAT course-quite a challenge, but The Line is great training.

And, again, no House tonight. FUCK!!!

day 455

Tradition!!!

Since it started, we've been doing this autism run. Funny, Brickwell's a sponsor, Mr.Brickwell was there, not ONE other. It's a fact: they don't show to participate, but to win. If they can't, they don't show. Sad.

A perfect day for such a run. Cool to start, warm to finish. A record crowd, we did well. @ AP peeps placed, but, again, that wasn't the point. We showed en masse. Nice.

Then, back to Toxichouse, took Stoney to eat n' see Jackass. A perfect end of weekend!!!

day 454

THAT was different!!!

Was wondering which experience to undertake today: run The Line, do one of the plethora of 5k's (Gary Farley?), or...OR...ride. So, rode. There was an enticing first annual one, Doubleup4vision. it involved riding tandem with a blind person. What fun!!! So, off I went. Intended to take the LIRR, but not THIS weekend, a shipwreck, so, packed my folding treasure, and off I went.

We got paired off with a blind rider, were given use of a tandem bike and helmets, and we were off! There WAS a practice session, to get used to tandem biking, but I figured my balance was good, not the smartest move, but it worked. The west side really IS gorgeous, had memories of Curtis's run and the NYC Half, and of course peeps gone by. Miss them, but hey, THEY missed out-they have internet access as well n'est pas??? Started @ 130thst, to approx 70th, a 5k. What they didn't warn people was: you hadda get back to the start. Duh. (hence, the reason I brought my folding treasure.

***Funny, my Raleigh has what appears to be the OLDEST tires in God's green earth, but hey, they last. And, it's the TUBE that matters anyway.

Back to Toxichouse, Stoney's sleeping. Great way to spend your youth.

day 453

nice way to wrap it up

Had an interesting interview yesterday. Boss was @ hq, so I got an interview dumped into my lap. Turns out, it was ok. Guy from Liverpool is touring the US, getting data to set up treatment services there. Surprisingly, they're 40 years behind us. I'm shocked. No license, no tobacco free, they still believe if you take methadone you're not abstinent. Wow. Shows us how far we've come. Also, felt good to take stock of the services we offer, and the location in which we function. When I spoke of our largest facilities, compared to our size, he understood. No coincidence we got along, turns out besides being in recovery...he's a runner! (doesn't run anymore, but in my opinion, once a runner.....). AND, he's staying @ the Flushing Y. Wow. I couldn't resist, sharing with him that's where I learned to swim. Wow.

St.Francis+ this am, 10+ total. Tomorrow, event on Riverside and 135, tandem bike/run/walk for the blind. God help me, wanting to see blind people riding bikes, but couldn't resist. Haven't decided whether riding or running.

In that same vein of oddness, when I got back yesterday, Its former vehicle was sitting in front of the neighbor's house. Was odd to see it actually...what's the word...CLEAN??? It didn't look like a homeless guy emptied his (and everyone else's) shopping carts' contents into the back/front seats. Pathetic.


.....she was a winner...that became the doggie's dinner...she never meant that much to me, whoa-oh oh oh, poor Marie.

day 452

Another good one!

Sweatshirt/shorts weather, 50 degs. Actually BRIEFLY contemplated t shirt, but no. Better sweat than chill. Turned out purrrrfect. St.Francis+, total 10 +. WAS thinking of packing powergels and starting to boost miles, but if 6.5-10 isn't enough, I need a life.

REALLY enjoying the peace n' quiet on the job. Boss is in Albany, so the kiddies have less posing, the unit is run my way, which means people do their jobs, no one's enabled, and no whining is tolerated. THAT'S the good news. The bad news: wouldn't it be nice to have this @ home? It is what it is.

wtf?

and, whattheFUCK is a "Nita Zaxson???"

Bitch posts crap on Facebook, always profiteering.

Not ONE of her posts involves anything other than promoting her travel agency. I threw up a post asking if ANY of her posts are NOT profit seeking. She didn't like that, responding "some of us aren't rich like you...have to work.....judge others." WTF?

Get the feeling she got caught?

(fyi: she did the same crap on Youtube, taking advantage of free services for self promotion. Blatantly).

day 451

It IS a pattern!

Tuesdays lately=rain days. Felt good to go to Spin class, but a rut is a rut. Ever since the New Year, not a resolution but redirection, promised myself to do ONE healthy thing daily. Of course, in my mind that = exercise. Of course I conveniently forget the fact that except for the movies, I eat purely healthy food. THAT apparently doesn't count. I gots'ta run myself into the ground.

So, this am, 48 degs. PERFECT!!! Sweatshirt and shorts. Hopefully this weather'll hold out 'til after The Big One. IhopeIhopeIhope. Odd, most of the usual suspects haven't been around. Hope it wasn't a faze for 'em.

Stoney? Asked him to dupe 2 cd's, he asked why I couldn't do it myself. THAT hurt. He'll pay for that. Not cool at all. I pointed that out, as well as the fact that the dog he never walks has his poop cleaned from the back yard by the one person who did not want another pet, though he loves Hulk nontheless. And this punk can't copy 2friggin' cd's. Not cool at all.

day 450

??????

You'd think I walked into a different address yesterday. The fridge had...what's the word...GROCERIES. Amazing. Got so affected by the bullshit, actually posted a message on FB about a request for prayers for Stoney. Imagine sitting @ your desk, doing homework, while your mental mother rages???

And, this IS getting to be a pattern, not the mental illness, THAT'S a way of life. I'm talking about this Tuesday crap. This'll be yet another Spin Class in the evening. Actually a good thing (again, God does a great job if you don't fuck with Him). For the past few weeks, due to the weather, couldn't run on Tuesdays. Amazing. How do I note this? I've been @ Richie's class for almost a month now. Again, a good thing. First, it IS a great workout. Second, saves the knees. Third, provides a needed break from the daily same old same old.

Amazed I got shut outta the Runner's Edge Marathon bus, this'll be the first year I'm not on a Long Island bus. Did the Murphy LIRRC bus for the first 2, then Runner's Edge. Quick thinking led me to New Hyde Park. Dave the Superjew rode with them last year, so I made a mental note. Sent them a money order this am, I'm in.

day 449

Got milk???

Yes, Virginia, bitch IS that crazy!!!

Shebitch actually went on a tear yesterday re: I used Its milk......yes.....it's gotten to THAT point. Amazing. The backstory: It was actually home all day, Stoney texts me to bring home some Taco Bell. Remember, It was there, yet obviously lacks funds. Waitressing, great career choice. Did I not caution against this 20 years ago??? Now It is incapable of carrying a tray, the disability check has obviously been pissed away, so It redirects Its rage @ my balls for actually using the milk in the fridge. Can you imagine, Stoney's @ his desk doing homework, and It's SCREAMING about getting a court order....I also moved the curtains in the bathroom (bastard, aren't I???). All this, because I touched the precious milk. @ that point I told It to shut up, that he was doing his homework, and to save Its Mental moments for the judge. Also, told It to ask before using MY electricity.

This am? St.Francis, duh. REALLY needed it. But, you know that.

Pray for me.

day 448

what a finish!!!

Did St.Francis this am, cool/crsip morning. Sweatshirt and shorts. Off to the gym to shower, then off to Oysterfest. WOW. Yes, those things DO taste like boogers. Then, off to the Malverne 5k. I really like these am/pm runs. This one started @ noon. Perfect. Again, using the Ragnar training model. Didn't do well, but didn't walk. I'll take it.

Pisses me off that Jared from Subway is doing The Big One. Saw an ad this pm, "Jared has run over 500 miles training for..." Big fucking deal. Did that in 5 months. Asshole. Taking the spot of a deserving runner.

Great finish to a fun weekend. Had a good time!!!

***Props again to Rob n' Helen. Clement Pope is really a blast!

day 447

yin/yang

yang: woke up this am, poured the hot water for instant coffee...what's in my coffee? Coffee grounds. Now...let that sink in. Coffee grounds in instant coffee. Shebitch went psycho, again. It accused me of drinking It's coffee, as I pre-prepare my morning coffee (measuring two teaspoons in 2 cups, so all I gotta do is pour hot water) It took it upon Itself to sabotage the instant with coffee grounds-payback for it's perceived transgression. Can you imagine, I had the balls to drink It's coffee? (Yes, this is how I live, it sucks). So, payback. Suffice to say, any beverage in this place, other than milk, bears my mark. Think about it. This IS war.

yin: The Clement Pope Long Stride. The 1m where EVERYONE wins something, an award or a raffle. REALLY alotta fun, what running/community is all about, meaning, Quantum was nowhere to be found. Can't wait to hear the bullshit excuses for this.

Actually palced, there were few people in my age group, but nevermind, I won something, a medal at that! YAY!!! A medal 'ho doesn't care, hardware is hardware. Of course, if I didn't log the miles I do, would'a been WAY faster (8 1/2 minutes a miles DOES suck), but with The Big One 2 weeks away, now isn't the time to be an asshole.

The usual peeps were there, and a few surprises. Fr.Jeff and Michelle-bless her. Really a wonderful community thing.

Then, off to NYC. Caught Enter the Void @ the IFC. Wow, I mean WOW. then, checked out some cd shops, then some dinner. Back to Toxichouse by 5, Stoney sleeping, it nowhere to be found. Did the lawn, now chillaxing.

Did I miss the Oysterfest? No. Tired of it.

high praise!!!

a.k.a. things that make me happy:

just got a text from Stoney, asking if he could borrow my bike.

The ultimate seal of approval.

Of course, this begs the question: what's wrong with HIS bike? His peeps using it.

Why? Party he's going to.

Now...think. Would ANY teenager be seen in anything uncool? AND, which bike is he borrowing? My latest treasure (can you FEEL my chest filling with pride?). My over 3 decades old Raleigh folder is seen as "cool." Ahhhh, warm moments.

Add to this: the lil' fucker actually ASKED. Bless him.

Now...hope he doesn't come home drunk/stoned.

day 446

timing IS everything!!!

The much discussed "Noreaster" never materialized, thankfully. The bad news: gotta do the lawn, getting to NOT like this. Yet another chore, but, it is what it is. The GOOD news: got my run in. Again (a recurring theme) should'a taken the day off, back is achy, cumulative effects of 6.5+ daily, but I figured with nature being nature, I'll eventually be forced to take a day off. Again, with The Big One a few weeks away, no time to slack off.

day 445

outSTANDING!!!

What a freakin' morning! Perfect prelude to manana's bullshit-rain this eve into manana pm.

Sweatshirt and shorts weather, crisp, cool, NOT humid. REALLY good.

Yes, was tempted to go to class last night, but...guess what came in the mail??? The Marathon booklet!!! YAY!!!! A reminder that this is NOT the time to muck about. No injuries 'til after November 8.

day 444

BACK!!!

Fucking rain is done, for 48 hours, got back to The Line. Mercifully. Needed it.

Crisp, cool morning, sweatshirt and shorts=St.Francis.

So, why "needed it?" Another fun night @ Toxichouse. Don't bother with details, just pray It gets sent to a Chilean mine.

Good night otherwise, did the Spin class, felt good. REALLY good, crosstraining makes you use muscles not normally used, when you're sore the next day, it's a good kinda sore.

Tempted to try Boot Camp tonight, but need to run again manana. Rain predicted Thurs into Fri, so gotta log the miles while we can.

day 443

go with the flow

left Toxichouse this am, raining, as in: "no WAY you runnin' today" rain. Next thing, the sun comes out-like 15 mins ago. DAMN!!! But, after doing the 2 races Sunday and 10+ yesterday, time for a break. So, spin tonight. With The Big One weeks away, no time for slacking off.

Casa crazy? S.O.S. REALLY would be nice to be able to enjoy what others do-a supportive environment you actually look forward to spending time in, but, not to be. Case in point: following yet another night in which I'm soundly sleeping, It chooses THAT time to decide to put away laundry. Now, I AM happy It finally decided to put SOMETHING away, but while a person is clearly sleeping is NOT the time-especially when you're not working and have the entire day to do chores-like normal people. But, even THAT'S not the point: as I'm leaving for work, at the beginning of the day-you know, like normal people the world over do, It actually has the balls to ask me to not slam the door as I leave. Do I EVER slam the door? No. It was referring to the sound the door makes when closing. I, of course, tore into It. "YOU slam the door, rage, scream, actually wake me up to scream at me, and you have the gall to ask me ANYTHING??? Take your medication and shut up." Yes, I said it. It needed saying. B.I.C.


***Re: Secretariat; 5 out of 10, better than spending time @ Toxichouse, but marginally so. Not a BAD flick, but...of special note: just as caucasians shouldn't try to speak spanish (they just sound stupid), ANY attempt at all @ trying to speak anything NOT one's native tongue should be outlawed. Case in point: John Malkovich. Did the flick obviously for the check. He IS one of the factors making the flick tolerable...but...his attempt to speak french/French Canadian is just horrible. REALLY horrible.

day 442

nice way to end the weekend!!!

STILL reeling over my find yesterday. HELLUVA terrific day. Pity the 5k feast was so delayed, would'a been a blast to wrap up the day with a pigfest, but alas, can't wait.

This am, St.Francis + Kissena, 10+. Then, off to NYC to play. Fresh sushi for dinner, then Secretariat. Was ok, not great-even Disneyfied, but ok. Put it this way, after sushi, was a ncie way to digest-was either that or face shebitch @ Toxichouse. How would YOU have ended your weekend?

New House tonight! Thanks God!!!

day 441

YAYYY!!!

Using the Ragnar model, did a 10k this am, a 5k in the pm. MAN that was fun. Figured I'd be in Brooklyn anyway, on the same train line (god bless the G!!!), was a total howl!

The 10k was a first for me, the 29th for them. Poorly run, but a real community thing. Bed Stuy. Naturally, who was there? The Renegades. GREAT to see Len and his crew. THEY understand what it's all about. THEY were a presence, Quantum?...Quantum who?

LOTS of people there, a fun, flat course. THEN, off toward the 5k. Seperated by 90 mins and a few train stops. Wanted to check out Brooklyn Bike and Board, but, no time. Lo and Behold, JUUUUST as I pass, a community bike shop is rolling its wares into the street...and...and...what comes into my field of vision??? A Raleigh folding bike! WOW!!! Snatched that bad boy up n a second. Even the guys in the bike shop were waiting to see who'd scoop it up! SUUCH a steal, 1/5 the cost of the Brompton. Only hassle: carrying that fucker up and down train steps. MAN is NYC NOT bike friendly. But, got my treasure.

With minutes to spare, as opposed to my usual hours early, hit the 5k. REALLY missed my peeps being there, but, I was and that's all that matters. Did well, not great, but hey, after a 10k 2 hours earlier...whatthefuck.

So, what does the Ragnar model have to do with it? Run in the am, run in the pm to get used to off hours endurance running.

And the feast @ the 5k? I didn't stick around. I left @ 2:15, @ that point they'd already been making us wait for half an hour. FUCK that. This is a really cool 5k, real community support (the Polish version of the Black Bed Stuy run), but, timing counts. So, off I went.

REALLY had fun, missed my peeps, but had a blast! And...got my treasure!

day 440

whew! THAT was close!!!

Decided to do the B.C.Dennis Cross 5k, NOT! Went to Islip, couldn't find the fucking race!!!! Awful directions, mapquest and google were pointless. While there was still time, doubled back, did AP. Glad I did. Need the miles instead of some bullshit 5k.

Manana, serious. 10k in the am, 5k in the pm. Need to rest.

day 439

tgif!!!!

Tough week on the job. Staff acting out, more grousing than usual. REALLY wish the select assholes would get with the program. We're well paid for a gig that really demands little exertion. My toughest job was Gelmart-loading/unloading tractor trailers for minimum wage. THAT was work. Here, we get well paid to sit on our asses. Poor us.

On the personal front, all is very well. I'm obviously not the king of drama re: the aging process. I embrace it and am very happy to be alive-if nothing else, it beats the alternatives. The birthday was a milestone I never thought I'd live to see, so, how could it be bad? But, what affected me was the social networking aspect. All sent their wishes, very nice. It's stands to reason; if my FB peeps ARE in fact my peeps, of course they'd be cool and be there with me that day. It was terrific. Really felt surrounded.

St.Francis this am, last of the "daily runs" until the weekend fun runs. Race sun am and pm. Should be interesting.

Monday, a holiday, YAY!!! The grass doesn't need mowing, did it last week, no real work to be done, I'm (relatively) free. Actually good to be me right now.

day 438

Happy Birthday!!!

Actually had a very nice day!

Started with a run, St.Francis, then off to work, lots of FB posts from peeps (thanks guys!!!), dinner that evening (coworker retired), then off to Roger Waters...again (he's amazing). THEN, home. It actually behaved, Stoney presented me with an angel food strawberry shortcake (HIS fave, and why not?), Shebitch actually behaved.

A good day.

This am, St.Francis + Kissena. 10+.

Looking @ Lisa and Deb, again teaches me to stick to The Plan. They run their races all out. That's a very good thing. THAT'S why they collect hardware, again, a VERY good thing. I don't. I ALWAYS have run (even marathons, I remember doing Suntrust, then running the next morning-just to see if I could) leaving something in The Tank. Always left a little bit to spare-knowing I planned to run the next day. HATE taking days off. Why? My peeps, again using Lisa and Deb as examples, have...what's that word..."homes." Me, I have "Toxichouse." They have places they enjoy spending quality time in. I have an environment I try to avoid, except to spend needed time with Stoney.

Would I LIKE to get hardware, HELL YES! But, proved I could already. There was a run by LIRRC in Eisenhower. Vince was there. Wanted to see if I could beat him. I did, with a sub 8. Did the skies open up? No. Was I any happier? No. Proved I could turn it on if I wanted to. Big whoop. Another benchmark was last year's Get to the Point. I was 200m from the finish line when I doubled back to finish the run with Gillian. Thought it'd be fun to finish together. It was, alot.

Can't imagine not running. It's way beyond therapy, it's centering.

day 437

not getting older...getting slower

ok, lived 21 years past what I should've. After doing the shit I did, oughta been dead decades ago. So far, so good.

...not to mention, should'a had zillions of diseases-not the least of which SHOULD'A been gotten from hangin' with the Times Square peeps when Times Square WAS "fun city."

So, all things considered, been a long great ride. LOVE the fact that I done everything ever wanted to, and then some. The kid who couldn't do a lap around the gym is doing marathons. The kid who was too fat to see his penis is both in shape and not too terribly unattractive. Nice.

So, how'd I celebrate? Did Spin class last night, good to see Richie and the usual suspects again. Then, off to Roger Waters. Nice.

This am, back to The Line. YAY!!! After too many days of rain, needed to get the miles in once again. We did well. Almost did the "no shirt" run, but a bit too much chill in the air. St.Francis, check. Birthday, check. Nice.

My ONE lament, and this IS impossible to remedy: Stoney's teenagerdom. He's @ that stage where he doesn't speak to me unless he turns to First Bank of Dad. I'm The Father, I'm the bad guy. I can deal with that, I know my role, but it still hurts. My lament: I REALLY miss when he slept next to me, his arm curled around/over me as he slept peacefully. THOSE were the BEST. Of everything I've done in over a half century, THAT was the shit.


***we each have our ways of noting how time passes, my latest: the "Entenmann's Half" is now the "Great South Bay Half," (I STILL remember taking Keith, he was shy re: grabbing munchkins, had his gameboy with him...), the Get to the Point run (longing/aching to have Keith with me to do the kid stuff, only to have Shebitch interfere), doing that race with DP and G, doing the Queens Grand Prix when running was treated as it should be-as a gift to be shared, Wednesday night spinning (and Monday, Tuesday, Thursday), making out @ Alley Pond against the tree, making out in The Blazer.....wonderful memories. The stuff of life.

Not one regret.

day 436

this is beyond ridiculous

yesterday, showers hold off juuust long enough to tease. Then BOOM, skies opened up. Dodged a bullet. Did Boot Camp. Glad I did. Feel the good kind'a sore.

This am, more FUCKING rain. GODDAMNIT. Ok, off to the gym. Elliped this am, tonight spin, then Roger Waters @ MSG. Cool.

*From the "you can't make up stuff this good" file: got into Facebook when my former students were planning a 20 year reunion. Next thing I know, I'm getting asked to "friend" a former co-worker. Put the two together,,,they all know each other! Turns out, the co-worker went to High School with my students. Mary Louis. Wow. Small world getting smaller. Good thing I got nothing to hide.

day 435

DAMN!!!

Was all ready to head out, dressed, bathroom break, when...when... RAIN!!! Goddamnit!!! I'm talkin' the skies opened up! THEN, @ approximately the time I'd finish, it stopped. Funny, really funny.

Could I use a day off? Hell yeah, but with The Big One a month away, now's NOT the time to slack off.

So...off to Boot Camp. Thank GOD for the gym!!!

day 434

fun run

Did the Forest Park 5k. Normal people would'a taken today off after yesterday's 1/2, but, with rain through and including Wednesday, hardly the time to take off. The Big One's a month away.

Everyone, except me, did well. Marlon and Deb placed. Leo had a sub 8. Me? I finished. Was actually glad to come in around 9:15.

Hadda do a drive by. It had clothes everywhere, literally. As in, wasn't even room to charge the crackberry. Even THAT spot was covered. Headed to Roosevelt Field for blood, lots of blood (Chain Letter), made Saw look like a Disney flick.

And Stoney? Was with his peeps, when asked if he wanted to see Social Network, chose to hang with his peeps. Hurts. Alot.

day 433

sucked, but not so much

did Grete's Gallop, the 1/2. The backstory: last night Shebitch decides to put away laundry @ 10:45, awakening me. Must be nice to get a full night's sleep.

Was on the fence re: drive or train, but, took the 4:05. THAT was the easy part. Unfortunately, got into Manhattan WAY too early...so..thought "what would a normal person do?" Went to breakfast. Knowing the run was almost 5 hours away (it was 5 am) and knowing I hadn't carbed, ordered a cheese omelet (toast n' home fries of course). Nice lil' coffee shop, unfortunately, there IS one in every crowd: one of the guests whined about his hash browns being burned and wouldn't pay the full check. Now, think: why didn't he send them back? EVERY patron called him an asshole. Must've been a plant. Why? I overtipped, as I'm sure everyone else did. Now, again, this coffee shop was on the wrong side of town. For some reason, i can NEVER get this East side/West side shit together. So, hadda walk through the park. Usually no biggie, but, for the calorically challenged.....Good thing I had b'fast.

Hooked up with DP, she was similarly early-her run started 45 mins before mine. Hooked up with Brotherfromanothermother. He came in @ 2:04, surprised, he usually smoked me. Sue REALLY fucked up, she came in 20 mins AFTER I did. Wow. I did my usual, sucked, but not so much, 2:15. Few 30 second walk breaks, had NO energy. Imagine how I would'a done if I hadn't taken a day off nor had breakfast?

In the back of my mind, I knew I had a 5k manana, so held a lil back.

Still, remember when Pret would make this one a regular part of the circuit. Pity some take themselves outta the fun. They are missed.

BEAUTIFUL day. So nice, when I got back to Toxichouse, I hadda do the lawn. After the ehavy rains, it needed it. Also, I feel doing that enabled me to atone for my sins (crappy time).

Hey, a half is a half. A mile is a mile.