day 158

Happy new Year's Eve!!!

Went to The Paekhouse yesterday to give Andie her bib and crap for tonight's run. ANOTHER "maybe" run, as in: maybe the weather will suck, maybe not. As of right now, about freezing temps, either rain or snow showers. FUCK. But, gotta do this one. Whether or not to isn't on the radar.

THEN, head to The Parkhouse, run with the club.

THEN head over to Republic Airport for their 3pm New Year's Day Run.

:).

All the while, hoping my peeps (who helped make last year doable) have God smile upon the for their random acts of kindness-performed with the greatest humility-they didn't even know their importance. Wonderful. Thanks.

day 157

YAYYY!!!

Does it get any better than this??? I'm off tomorrow (new year's eve, gotta sleep in, to head into NYC and get my shit together for the run), and today, the boss takes off!!! YAY!!! Again I ask you, does it get any better than this????? It's like a holiday!

Did a 5k on the ellip last night, after doing 86th ave. Hadda come in as stalagtites were forming on my nuts. It was COLD! With wind chill, it felt like 9 degs. So, rather than St.Francis, stick to 86th. I'd have done the spin class, but there are none during this week. SHIT!!! What about us, the few/theproud/thehardcore/the wacked, who don't do resolutions, but rather, do that voodoo that we do on a daily basis regardless of the time of year???

This am, another 30 mins on the ellip, then into CATC, home base. Nice to be back.

day 156

another year over.....a new one just begun.

Now we begin the mulling over of the year that was.

I'm quite satisfied with the way it went. Did I do everything I could to make each day a day of value? Yes. Did I somehow leave each environment I entered, better than I found it? Yes. Well done. Did I do everything I could to provide what Stoney needed despite overwhelming interference from Shebitch? Yes. Could I have done more? Yes, but with a non-Satanic spouse. My one source of guilt is all the father/son shit you see in normal families is displaced by the need for survival in ours. It is what it is.

My one source of pride, besides Stoney's avoiding prison, is the club. We've come light years from what it was. I know Deb will take the ball and run with it, knowing I gave it my all. Still, there are those who never get it, i.e. the assholes who didn't vote for Tom, or Vince. He actually uttered "another slow runner as president," to which I uttered "another finisher as President." The guy's a dick, what can you do. I DO wish some members would remove their heads from their butts. Lee, looking over every scene he encounters with a critical eye, just gets my goat. What a truly unhappy person. The problem is, people listen to him. They deserve what they get.

My other concern re: the year that was: love. Too little going around. People thought more of their selfish agendas than the big picture, that's sad. Love SHOULD triumph, people are fond of claiming love is forever, yet selfish crap takes precedence. Silly. Somewhere, someone is watching all this and cracking up, or shaking their head.

Saw Nine the other day, really brought alot into focus. There have been many I loved: Mom, Deb, Julia, Linda, Susan, Marcy, Li. Like the character, there were various "love relationships," maternal, physical, emotional, my muse.....each had their effect on me. If I hadda do it all over again, it'd be the same. Love happened, one had to give oneself to it. Unlike the character in the movie, I know bloody well the world doesn't revolve around me, and know my purpose here isn't to pursue my agenda. If this were the case, we should all erupt into flames, what hubris. On the other hand, also saw It's Complicated. It is indeed. Not going there, suffice to say, the title is very true.

day 155

so, It hasn't been here since the day after Christmas morning. YAYYY!!! A nice peaceful house. Yummm.

This am, exercisus interruptus. Went to the gym to do Boot Camp, was there early, 'natch, so a 5k on the ellip, a 5k on the recumbent bike. Then, went to the front desk, no class today. YAY!!! Nice break there eh wot?

Manana back to the boogie down Bronx.

REALLY wished I'd'a run today, but every other at most-or risk the need for surgery.

Spoke with Tom, STILL can't believe he lost, to JOHN for chrissakes. Reaffirms my belief that half the club are raisins who need to go to Florida. But then again, I'll be a raisin too one day.

day 154

that sucked.

The good news: I'm not president anymore. YAY!!! Good to be free. No more boring meetings, no more tolerating assholes who should be the subject of retroactive abortion.

The bad news: Tom lost the vice presidency election. Dunno how THAT happened. Actually yes, I DO know. The walkers elected him. I voted 6 times for him, he lost 30something to 20 something. I should'a voted more. How the FUCK he lost, someone who is reliable and a genuinely nice guy, to someone who has no sense of responsibility nor sense of self (he was gonna run for president for chrissakes!!!), I just don't get it. friggin' old farts.

The good news: Deb invited me and guest to the hockey game. WAY cool.

The better news: ran 10 with no pain. Wanna push it and run again manana, but no, do boot camp/cross train.

...can't beLIEVE Tom lost. Fucking amazing. Democracy is bullshit.

day 153

THAT was fast!!!

Actually had a tolerable afternoon @ my brothers (DMV bro, the one who gave It $$$ for a divorce). Priestbrother was there also, claimed to have done The Big One in 2:56. Dave Miles time. I, of course, told him his name was nowhere to be found in the results. He shrugged. Later for him.

So, Christmas is a wrap. We came back to Toxichouse after DMV brother's, they lied down @ 8 pm and crashed big time. Amazing. Glad I run marathons. The backstory, It tried picking fights all day, to the point that even Stoney uttered "do you HAVE to be in a bad mood today???" Ho.

This am, rain, and more rain. Good, above freezing temps and rain, wash away the shmutz. Ellip this am, then spin class.

Manana, St.Francis, Club Holiday party and elections.

ho ho.

day 152

So, ho, here is goes:

Priestbrother has been tagged as a waste of flesh per my sister in law. Like I didn't know this 49 years ago. She pointed out to Shebitch: "he didn't even send a card???" Now, those of you who are faithful readers well know earth, much less I, has no use for this waste, he's TOTALLY self-involved-AND a Priest to boot!!! Apparently it took her a while to get this factoid.

So, this am, St.Francis. Priest claims to be running, right. Remember last year, he claimed to be doing The Big One, yet his name was nowhere to be found. So, I got motivation. Knee be damned.

Stoney? Didn't value any of his loot. Fuck him, we did the best Christmas ever gift wise. Unappreciative little shit.

ho

day 151

GREAT Christmas eve. Ran 86th ave, wasn't planning to-was gonna ellip, but got texted and didn't boycott it. Felt good. Couldn't do Boston pace, but then again, few can.

Ran into the peeps @ the gym. Wonderful, really felt good. Richie, Dennis, and the usual cast of characters. Funniest of all-Dennis hasn't surfaced in ages-today he shows. Richie calling us "the hardcore" (he said the same last year). VERY cool.

Ducked into CATC to check up on things, while I was there, the Bronx called. Amazing. I really was where I needed to be. See how long this feeling lasts.

It has been surprisingly well-behaved. Must be the oxycodone.

Ho.

day 150

and so this is Christmas...and what have you done?

THAT song wraps up our party here, and never fails to satisfy! Sums it all up n'est pas?

So...It finally got oil, after spiraling out of control again last night-ho ho ho. Can't shutthefuckup, regardless of the time of year ho ho ho. The usual "I can't live like this..." of course I responded by "please, use a SHARP knife." Amazing.
Boss was too cheap to send cards (he just bought new golf clubs yet...), so he sent out a message with what he values next to your name. For mine "For his strength in trying times," guess that's as close as I'll get to a positive evaluation.

Holiday party/elections reset for Sunday 12-27. Tried getting input from the peeps, to little or no avail, so, made a decision. We'll prolly get locusts-but at least no snow.

Weird being @ the Bronx for the past 2 days with the peeps I groomed @ Manhattan. Sorta like being raised in a family, given to foster care, then rejoining them. NICE to be with them again-we haven't missed a step.

This time of year really makes you think. Christmas we'll go to my brother's, at least that's the plan. Priest will be there-I'll make it a point to wear my marathon shirt-he made such a big deal of his intent to run it, we'll see his excuse this time. Never had much of a stomach for bullshit.

day 149

Ho?

Got called by Stoney this am, "mommy wants to know if you ordered oil." Amazing isn't it? You KNEW it'd come to this. 3 days before Christmas, and It can't manage a freakin' house.

Yesterday I came home with a tub in which to position the tree. Both of them were in all day, He: sick day from school(no, It didn't call the school to notify them, of course the school called me, Mr.Cleanup), It home because it lacks a life. Ok, I put the tree in the tub, of course I get second, third, fourth guessed. FUCK!!! I'm the only shmuck to do anything, and I get this crap. And no, "thank you" wasn't forthcoming. Add to this, this am's "mommy asked," utterly amazing. It really IS incapable of accomplishing anything. Though I GUARANTEE It did a shitload of Christmas shopping,. as our house lacks heat. Now, remind me, why DOES social security send It disability $$$?

Worked @ the Bronx facility today, again. Manana CATC. Be nice to be home, but here is home as well. 4 staff are MATC spanish speaking staff-my original peeps. Wonderful being back with them. We have the sort of history/relationship that only those who served in foxholes understand. We truly go back.

day 148

*** Christmas party pix posted below.

A good day. Did the Bronx AND CATC things. Would be nice to have more $$$ in the check, but it's a bit of a compliment to be asked to run 2 ships. The staff there were glad, we go back to the first time I did this 2 years ago. The more things change, the more.....

DID miss Boot Camp today, originally was s'posed to be off. So much for that.

day 147

The good news: the snow came...and came...and came; STILL got my St.Francis on!!!

The bad news: Holiday Party??? Club elections???

2 of us showed, Eric and I. That's it. So I guess our club elections happen...dunno. This never happened before. Typical Alley Pond.

LOTS of fucking snow, and Douglaston got the worst (in the city that is, Hicksville got close to 2 feet). STILL made it to run 7, and in the mini van no less!!! Gotta have balls!

Woke up @ the crack of dawn, shoveled, piled it all in front of It's car, made sure the sidewalk was clear (Satan doesn't dig out his woman's car, but DOES care for pedestrians-and tickets from the town for not doing his duty).

Got the Christmas tree!!! I'm actually proud of me! NO ONE had trees left, Loews, Home Depot, Ikea, nuttin'. So...(this is why I get the big bucks, problem solving 101), got a REAL tree-as in, after the holidays, plant it. Nice eh? Talk about outta the box thinking.

Oh, and it was 23 of us there for the Ho Ho Ho, not 22. WOW!!!!! Guess we didn't boycott it.

day 146

WOW!!!

SHITLOAD of Striders made it to the Ho Ho Ho. Amazing. For some reason, this race always draws a mess of us. Nice. We do it year after year, sort of a means of marking another year under the belt. REALLY heartening to see so many of us still vertical. THAT was the good news. The bad news: Quantum didn't even represent, not at all. So much for that whole Brickwell bullshit. Frightening when you become that insulated.

Hank, Howie, John And Judi, Laughlin, Debbie Pantano, Debbie Pesa, John Sassone, Lori, Vince and Sue, Jonathan and his mom, Helen, Fran, Marlon, Lynn, Sara and Ken and Bill, Tom n' Gerry. AT LEAST 22 of us!!! AND, Marlon and Laughlin won!!!! Bullshit awards: fucking note pads (made the travel mugs from O 2 S look worthy), but, they placed. Ken passed me in the last mile. It's ok, for some reason, between my knee and this year, I lost the edge. Bottom line: knee hurts, I have NO motivation to speed up, but I'm in the game nontheless. Nice to be there, actually stayed to hang with the peeps.

Now the fun: will we have the elections manana? Drama drama. Tom is running for VP, good, SOMEONE will run opposed. Otherwise, it's nolo contendere for all positions on the bored. God bless my people, they are very cool.

Ho.

day 145

Ho?

Had the patients' Christmas party last night. IT was a roaring success. Prepped everyone for a 7pm start, on time. EVERYONE got into it, people climbing on stage to sing who got caught in the reverie. Nice. VERY nice indeed. Ended @ 8 pm. Right n sched. Kuiller guitarist as well as keyboard player this year. Well done. Per usual, Mr.All talk, no action no showed-Bob, useless mass of flesh (typical Social Worker).

THAT was the good news.

Other news: Not ONE of the peeps showed. Poop on them! Missed out on alotta fun.

Come back to Toxichouse, Shebitch GONE!!! YAYYY (ho ho ho). Turns out It went to do laundry and decided to stay @ that friends house. Yes, you read that right. Amazing. Come home, get the child used to your return, then leave. Wow. Just wow. Come home for one night, dont shop, take the easy way out via takeout, plead poverty though your account is replenished thanks to you and me-the taxpayers-dump everything into Hub's lap, then disappear. I was glad to have a peaceful home for yet another night.

Ho ho ho.

Today, off. I start doing that Bronx AND CATC bullshit again. The Bronx location lost their A.D., so I'm called to run 2 ships again. I was s'posed to take Monday off, but we have a big meeting there, so off today. Thus, hit the gym.

Got a wake-up call from Tom. Bless him, was feeling bad about the peeps no-showing yesterday, he calls. Told me about the snow predicted for manana. SHIT. The Ho Ho Ho always gets crapped on. AND, Sunday they have the club elections. Funny if they lack a quorum. Hee hee, drama drama.

Did the gym thing, 30 mins on the ellip, 30 mins stationary bike, 60 minute Boot Camp. Terrific workout, saving the knees.

Shebitch? Again, spent the night...ummm...wherever, NOT here, ahhhhhh-peace. Dysfunctional as a motherfucker, but peaceful. Imagine being trained in Social Work (It was, until that too became another unfinished item), yet thinking nothing of appearing for one night, then disappearing. Whatever, I have quiet in my home until It reappears.

day 144

The Day After

...and did I mention, my Marathon poster conveniently torn from the door? Psycho bitch.

So, Core Training last night, hadda. Then, St.Francis this am, again hadda. If you read yesterday, you'd know why.

Tonight, Christmas party, the only one that to me matters. Bless their lil' ol' junkie hearts. THEY have the spirit.

day 143

D Day.

Amazing how one can revert to type. The gym is no longer the gym, but a safe haven, a refuge, a hiding place where I cannot be emotionally abused. It is what it is.

Since the week before Halloween (49 days for those who count)the house has been a home, has been clean, emotionally nurturing, with nary a harsh word uttered. No screaming, no threats of lawyers, no psychotic breaks. Lovely. The kind of place you WANT to be in, not be AWAY from. To0day, all this changes.

Last night It called, had the balls to ask if I got an oil contract. Bear in mind, It receives a disability check, to white currently $1600 resides in its bank account. AND, best of all, It asks Stoney which video games he wants for Christmas. Take a moment, ponder with incredulity. That's right, It pleads poverty, supposedly lacks $5 daily to give him for lunch money, yet spends profligately. Amazing. Come back to Toxichouse yesterday evening, Chinese food. Don't go shopping, do this instead. A fucking child.

day 142

tomorrow, It comes back to Toxichouse. God help us all.

Today, thank you God, Christmas party practice. There's NOTHING like our unit party to give you the spirit of the season. Dunno why, but something about Christmas in rehab (odd, but true), is UBERCOOL.

And thank God for that as well. If it weren't for the patients, dunno where my spirit'd be. DREADING It's return. It was here yesterday, took Keith out to dinner. Today, did a driveby-leaving the back door WIDE open. Amazing. I truly dread this.

day 141

the end is in sight!!!

The good news: It's outta the hospital.
The bad news: It's outta the hospital.
Fuck me.

On the other hand, got my workout in. Thank God things turned out as they did (needing to use my "use or lose" hours, gave me Mondays to work out stress).

30 on the ellip, 30 on the bike, 60 mins boot camp. Nice. STILL not the same as a run, but I got my shit done.

Manana, St.Francis, I hope.

day 140

THANK YOU GOD!!!

Started the day a lil' disappointed. Wanted to do the Taconic Relays, but things-in typical AP fashion, fell through. Never mind, you are where you should be. So, found myself back where I belonged, @ The Parkhouse. No Pret, didn't see any of their crew @ the Mulcahy's run either. Oh well, gotta be in it to win it-yet don't show @ their event and all kinds of drama develops, funny (AND, they forgot, when they had their short lived Cross Country series-who went to both???), anyway, again, they no showed. Sucks for them.

So, there I was weighing my options, almost went to Suffolk for the Greenbelt run, but wanted to see Pret. Didn't show, getting to be a usual thing. So, did St.Francis. Hence, the title of today's entry. I needed it. First time since The Big One I was actually able to run St.Francis, no breaks, no walking. Time sucked, but I'm actually back. AND, as an added bonus, the rain actually started AFTER. Nice.

If I could've been @ 2 places @ once, would've gone to Peekskill, Helen DID ask if I wanted to come along. Would'a been awkward. Nice to be invited. Hope they did well.

REALLY glad to have my knee back. Was genuinely worried.

day 139

I need a miracle every day!!!

JUUUUUUUUST as you think the weight of the world is on your shoulders, the miracle happens. Had spontaneous contact with my 2 main peeps @ juuuuust the right time. Thanks God!!! AND, Tom, you'll never know how close I came to going over the edge when a random act of kindness manifested itself. Nice. Alot to be said for merely putting one foot in front of the other and hanging in there.

Took Stoney to see Invictus, he was underwhelmed. I could kill him. The sting of no gratitude for getting his XBox fixed still is there, then, he'd prefer sitting around doing nothing to seeing history in a film. Shmuck. Spoiled shmuck.

day 138

teachable moments.

Ok, the DISASTER that was yesterday evening ended on a good note. Hadda be a parent, after tearing the spoiled little shit a new one, emotionally freezing him, then rewound the tape, told him the script, told him to follow it, and all was well. Finally got my "thank you" albeit at great personal cost. He really has to learn. Having no respect for a dollar, tried explaining it in terms of slightly less than a month's cable, 2 christmas trees, a third of the truck payment.......he doesn't get it, and really-when you think about it-shouldn't. When's he hadda work for anything? How do you value things? Work for them. He has NO responsibilities. Thought I was being tough when I called him a spoiled little shit? No, accurate.

Parenting: what you do to promote ulcers/premature death.

this just in

Stoney's XBox had the Red Ring of Death. Been asking him to call his brotherfromanothermother (he had the same prob, mailed his unit for repair) to get the details re: where to send it.....Of course, nothing. So, one of the work peeps' sons does this crap, he looked at it, pronounced it indeed dead, and said repair: $150, new unit: $300+. Of course, I paid to have it sent for repair. I tell Stoney this, and...a word of thanks? No, disappointment. "I could'a called and...." and what, do the same he's done since it broke (over a month ago?) ...nothing. So, again, the good guy gets fucked. I tried to make him happy, I should've known better than to write a script. This was exactly the feeling I had when Shebitch first went off on me: there I was, expecting to get motherfucking father of the decade for taking care of literally everything/single parenting, instead, all my friends (and family!!!) are turned against me.

Amazing.

day 137

I just don't get it.

I SHOULD know better by now, but never quite learn. Stoney, home from school, sick...usual reasons: he claims to have thrown up (I believe it) and feeling runny (yes, THAT kind) and nauseous. No fever. Do the math...he's run down. Again, the cumulative effects of no exercise and no veggies. I come home, he's ok. Just needed a day off. Amazing, utterly amazing. And...when I look 'round the house, Shebitch's mail is gone. It did a driveby. Good, pay your bills bitch. Getting tired of the calls from It's debtors.

Last night Core Training, would've given my eyeteeth (what exactly ARE "eyeteeth" anyway???) to stay for Boot Camp, but I felt horrible as it was, leaving Stoney all alone. Hadda get home asap. Then, after class, in the truck, check the crackberry, text from Stoney "quiero Taco Bell," funny bastard.

day 136

DAMN!!!

Stoney's sick. THIS rips my heart out. He's all alone, it's raining and cold. Damn.

day 135

niiiiice!!!

A beautiful morning, not TOO cold, not TOO breezy, THIS is ok. Knees hurt, but not killing me...yet. STILL miss running every day, but 3x a week beats the crap outta surgery.

So, after St.Francis, head for 30 mins on the ellip, then a quick shower. Funny, the world seems a better place. Hmmmm.

this just in

an "aha" moment.

Stoney and I watching "Run, Fatboy, Run," when it hit me. THAT was me @ The Big One. The moment when he hit the wall (unfortunately, with 9m to go for him, too early for The Wall, but, whatever).

The look on his face, the drama of "will he or won't he," the reaction of the spectators, even his gait. THAT was me @ The Big One. Wow. Amazing. No WONDER we watched that flick 5 or 6 times.

day 134

NOT the way to start your day.

So...Monday, day off ("use 'em or lose 'em hours," ), Stoney: "If you wanna drive me to school..." give him the "4 blocks isn't even worth discussion, get dressed you lazy shit" talk, off he went. Got outta bed @ 7:30-midday for me, 1/2 the electricity is off. Whatthefuck??? Isn't a matter of bills(if it was that, why would half the house have power?)-the bill comes directly out of my account, called LIPA, transformer out. They guesstimate 10:30. We'll see. Nuked hot water for instant coffee, off to the gym.

Boot camp was great-really a workout. But you can tell I'm getting used to it when I didn't break a sweat. (of course, boot camp was preceded by 30 mins on the ellip).

After the weekend 5k's, the knees are ok. Time to up the count. See how much I can take.

Since I didn't break a sweat, packed, figured I'd shower @ home-see if the power DID in fact return. I pull into my block.....(JAWS theme), SHEBITCH!!!!! Headed for the hills, composed myself, entered the house. Jeeeez. More than this you don't wanna know.

Thank GOD I got my workout in.

day 133

Got my Yin on!

(as in Yin/Yang).

Yesterday, did the Hot Chocolate Run, today the Pancake Run. They kind'a go together.

Yesterday, DP won the raffle, today I did. Yin/Yang.

Ran better, getting there, but not quiiiiiite yet, have yet to again break 9 minutes, but I'm improving.

Stoney surprised the shit outta me: Shebitch had called, saying my bro was gonna hijack him today. Stoney tells It "thanks, but no thanks," he'd prefer hangin' here. YAY!!!!! Major victory.

day 132

pleasant surprise.

Did the Hot Chocolate 5k, 1/2 of the "breakfast weekend," today the Hot Chocolate, manana the pancake run. Walked into the auditorium to plut my stuff aside for changing post-race, Prez Pesa is there. Nice. Always fun to be with a peep. Not so fun trying to keep up with her, but nice indeed! And, @ least one Wearer of the Green won a raffle-though I was there in stealth mode-no green on me today. Didn't wanna embarass the club until the leg repairs. If I hadn't preregged, wouldn't a' gone. Shitty weather, great for running, not good for anything else. A good day to be indoors.

Glad I went to the Christmas party last night. A true measure of a friend is how long you know each other, and we've known each other for 2 1/2 decades. WOW. There was a nice mix of guests as well-drinkers, AA peeps, young, old. Well done.

day 131

It's over!!!!!

Had the last meeting of the Wearers of the Green last night with me as prez. Nice. Got some bidness taken care off, then the membership meeting...and then...FREEDOM!
Love the peeps, hate the meeting. I can honestly say I've never been in a meeting I liked. Ever. Of any sort. They aren't a meeting of the minds, but rather, an example of using the most complicated means possible to achieve a goal. But LOVED seeing the peeps. Be nice to not have interrupted Thursdays.

Did we do good? Let's say with the help of each and every member-both present and not, the group has grown. Of that I'm proud to be associated with them. We got good people who keep their eyes on what's important. It DOES absolutely SLAY me when I reflect on other local clubs. Their hubris was their downfall. They lost sight of what it's all about. This summer we'll celebrate our 30th anniv. 'Nuff said. :)

Gave it my best and it worked. Well done.

day 130

Rain rain go aWAY!!!

Wow. Helluva season n'est pas? BUT, the good news: these aren't 'zactly December temps. AND, adding to the fugly, rain AND heavy winds. Shit. You can iamgine the smell @ home: damp, + damp dawg, yeccccch.

Core training last night. After 2 weeks of boot camp, core was easy. Wanted to go to boot camp, but when your son asks when you'll be home, hoping it's sooner rather than later, you gotta boogie. Sucks for me, but it's not a me thing. Got home JUST @ the time I'd told him, thank G. Lil bastard was doing his h/w, he decided to take a nap when he came home (he's in a nap phase) following a game of handball. At least he got off his ass. Napping makes me crazy, napping from????? BUT, @ least I know where he is.

Tonight, last bored, then membership meeting. THANK YOU GOD. NOW I can get home on time and be with Stoney, rather than further the latch key kid syndrome. Will I miss my peeps, def. In the beginning, Pret meeting me in the parking lot, one stalking the other, now asking "haven't heard from you in so long" (I'm STILL doing exactly the same things, in the same places), the members being themselves-bless their lil dysfunctional hearts.

The two things I'm proudest of: no more fucking diner bored meetings, those were sooooo played out; and actually getting things accomplished. Nice. Thanks guys.

Thanks Tom, Deb, Ken, Laughlin, Gillian, Helen, Rob, Joe, Lynn, Stoney, et Al (who the fuck's "Al???" ).

day 129

...and people think I make this shit up?

Still can't get over Shebitch's drive-by yesterday. Amazing. Utterly amazing. And best of all, It drove away in It's car. Now...do the math..."germ free/sterile environment?" That car is a sewer, filthier than Toxichouse was. Amazing.

Only thing keeping me sane is the fact that the house is now a home rather than an area to be trashed.

It DID ask "where's all my stuff," to which I answered "in a germ free environment." hee heeeee.

And...just when you thought the bleakness of being left high and dry on Thanksgiving was @ it's worst???G gave me what I needed. Bill e mails asking "long time no hear, wassup witchu?" He's undergoing the same shit I am, though not as severe. His ex sent his son to live with him (funny, men are pigs, we're this and we're that, yet when it comes time to DO something........ Sensing a pattern here?) What'd I say about women after 40?

Tonight Core Training, maybe Boot Camp. We'll see.

day 128

close call!!!

Sitting w/Stoney, eating dinner when.....what do I see with my one green eye.....Shebitch!!! Enters the house with a surgical mask on, did a drive-by to pick up clothes. Totally disrupted everything, set the dog into a tizzy-yes, I said 'tizzy." He gets all excited, only to have It tell him It'll see him "soon." Typical absentee parent line n'est pas? Stoney didn't blink an eye-smart child, we continued eating. Priorities.

day 127

another Monday off- "use 'em or lose 'em " hours. Off every Monday 'til new Year's. Nice. Makes for a longer weekend. Lets me sleep in-meaning, wake up @ 7 am-with Stoney, not alot of choice. He pushes for a lift to school, I roll over. The school's 4 blocks away, puleeeeeeeez.

God made weather like this to reassure me. Can't run daily-gotta rehab that knee, so, off to the gym. 30 mins on the ellip followed by Boot Camp. NICE. Incorporates the Core Training class + some wicked cardio. Actually gor a compliment on my upper body, that abdominal flap is minimal-still there (no plastic surgery thank you, no tummy tuck, suck it up and live with it). Beats the "I'm over 40 and have the shape of a pear" syndrome.

NOW I feel I've earned the right to chillax and await Stoney's return from la escuela.

day 126

good weekend!

Funny what a difference a call makes. Tom called yesterday to check in/touch base-I was in the truck awaiting the start of the Bridie Goldstein run. We'd reconnect @ Rob's Run today. Changed my mood. Bless him.

Spoke with Pret. Odd, Always asks "been so long, dunno what's going on with you." READ THE FUCKING BLOG. Jeeeeeeeeez. Explains everything in revolting detail.

Did Rob's Run. Felt good. Almost the exact time as yesterday's. Good. Consistency. Might consistently suck, but consistency nontheless.

Stoney's back. Funny. He'd had a 101+ fever there, yet Shebitch has to be in a germ free environment. Hmmmmmm.

day 125

went to see Pirate Radio w/the AP peeps. Late show (8:40) but preceded by dinner. Really brought me up. Another of those "they'll never know how important it was" things.

Bridie Goldstein today, the Syosset weekend continues, manana: Rob's Run. Was on the fence, but most are doing "the circuit," and since it's a Long Island Peeps thing, gotta. Whatthefuck, it's xc, good excuse for a shit time.

House isn't a home without Stoney. Love is not here, only walls and a ceiling.

day 124

OUCH!!!

If I wasn't preregged, wouldn't'a done it. LOTS of rain, LOTS of puddles. Da feetz wuz actually dry, until some dick made a turn INTO THE RACE and splashed me. Jeeeeeeeez. Glad I did it, didn't wear The Colors-stealth mode-when you're under a poncho, it don't matter.

Debbie and Rob were there, great to see them.

Stoney? I get a text, he's spending the weekend there. Great.

I hit the house, shower after the run before going to the job, the dog starts freakin', who is it? Stoney!!! Was great to see him-he did a drive by to get his laptop-he doesn't trust my bros pc. Smart.

day 123

Whew!!! Made it.

What was probably the most difficult day of my life nears its end. THIS one was rough. Having my son snatched from me, in the presence of my estranged brother-who is housing/enabling/abetting Shebitch.....just a bit too much. BUT, as usual, AP is there.

We had our Thanksgiving fun run this am-no, no Quantumwellbrickfeet peeps. What a wonderful bunch of peeps. Did the 5m course, walked/ran/talked/ etc...not alot of motivation today, really shouldn't have run at all. Did the ellip for 30 yesterday,
THEN core training THEN boot camp. Didn't have an ounce in the tank. PLUS, feeling REALLLLLLY down. But, we made it with a lotta help from my friends. Again peeps, you'll never know. Thanks.

Funny, they that do absolutely nothing with him get to spend a killer holiday with him, while he that sacrifices all gets shit on. Now I know how Job felt before the whale ate him.

day 122

grey skies, cool-not bad temps, rain coming. Ugh. Not good.

Last night, brother-the one taking Keith for thanksgiving, the one aiding and abetting Shebitch, rings the door in the evening. Claimed It was trying to reach Keith. Under the guise of asking how he was, It really wanted him to get an article of clothing for it. Not once in his drive by did he ask for me nor indicate his presence in my house. Wonder why I have the perception I do?????

Got Stoney's report card:

Global History: 75, "Inconsistent work/grades, homework missing."
World of Tech: 71, "Satisfactory Achievement."
Spanish: 74, "Lacks focus."
Algebra: 94, "Satisfactory Achievement."
Phys Ed: 86, "Satisfactory Achievement."
Liv.Environment: 77, "Good effort, keep trying."
English: 65, "Shows Improvement."
Studio In Art: 90, "Good work, a pleasure to teach your child."

So...I don't have to kill him...yet. What striked me is the obvious: 94 in friggin' Algebra, yet 65 in English. Granted, it IS honors English, but whatthefuck??? Shows he can do well when he chooses to. Thank GOD, after his shit progress report, he pulled out of it.

LOTS of work, of which only I'm aware. And you, of course, but I think you get the point. My "family," has the luxury of judging from afar, while doing...ummm...what's that word: oh yes, NOTHING.

Core training tonight-might stick around for boot camp. Chase away the feeling of loss/empty nest w/o Stoney there. Know I'll miss the lil' fucker.

day 121

what a difference a day makes!!!

After what could only be qualified as one of the shittiest days in history, we have ourselves a new day!!!! YAY!

STILL haven't worked out yesterday's shit from my system, but gotta get used to it as a warmup for Christmas. You KNOW that one'll be rough.

St.Francis this am, if I fucking hobbled I hadda. PERFECT morning, cool, crisp, 48 degs-long sleeved shirt, shorts, gloves. Didn't really need the gloves, but beats split skin.

Thanksgiving day? Still dunno. But, it WON'T totally suck. If nothing else, as a payback, I'll make it a good day.

this just in

guess where Stoney's going for Thanksgiving??? Hint: I get to take care of the house, I pay the bills, I do the laundry, I care for a dog I didn't want, so...Thanksfuckinggiving??? My brother. Yes kiddies, Stoney's going Wednesday night to spend the day with my brother. Amazing.Utterly amazing.

Shebitch gets to play poor victim, being the recipient of sympathy and being waited on hand and foot. Brother who judges yet has no children of his own, takes away my son for one of the two most important days of the year.

Well, shit on me.

day 120

just freakin' great.

Rough night, Stoney spent the weekend @ his brotherfromanothermothers. In other words: stayed up too late, ate crap. Ok, it IS childhood after all. BUT, like most things, I get to do the cleanup. Brings us to last night. Typical. Earaches, can't sleep, coldy, achy, in other words: run down. So, guess who get to clean up the mess? Hint "It's my job," thanks Jimmy Buffett. How I wish there was someone to help.

I threatened him with death: "If you have a fever, you stay home. Get your ass in gear, get to school." I'm on the ellip @ the Y, killing time before boot camp, when...I get texted "dad, come get me." I call the nurse, repeats the symptoms, says what I said "He doesn't have a fever." I let some time pass, he texts me "come get me." FUCK!!! I can't even friggin' workout!!!!!!!!!!!! The time was 9:20, broke every speed limit, entered the school (CLEAN fucking place), signed him out, drove him home, was STILL back @ the Y by 10 to do 30 mins ellip, then boot camp-GREAT class!!!

For those of you have no one, who have no one to look after besides yourselves: be grateful. For those of you who have someone, someone to help shoulder the load, be grateful. I'm all alone in this and it SUCKS. Thanksgiving is coming and I'm grateful for ME. That's right, for ME. If it wasn't for ME, there would be no house, no discipline for Stoney, no benefits for Shebitch. Fuck her. Pray It dies. Totally useless. Left us a world of shit here. Took away our shared friends, set my family against me. Fuck her.

Happy goddamned thanksgiving. Fuck me.

day 119

WOW!!!

WHAT a BEAUTIFL DAY!!! Thank G I had a race planned. Would'a either been golf or this, and glad I chose this. Although, considering where the race was, it was a bit of best of both worlds.

First time this one was held, @ the Town of Oyster Bay Gold Course. What the fuck? I play there, may as well run there. WOW!!! My only claim to fame: I didn't walk it!!! Amazing how perspective changes. When you golf, the course looks completely different. Running it was a BITCH, yet, peeps claim Alley Pond is more difficult. I quite disagree. Bottom line: the knee held, I'm ok on hilly 5k's.

Manana, off. Boot Camp @ the gym.

day 118

seemed like a good idea @ the time.

AP had their Back Alley 5k today, I hadda pass-5k manana, and with the bad knee, can't chance a cross country the day before a hilly race. So...what did I do?

First went to the Back Alley to be with the peeps. Was WONDERFUL. Not ONE of the Quantumbrickfeetwell peeps-did THEY boycott????? But plenty of people showed. Perfect day for a race too, 45 degs, cool for standing, great for running. And with the turnout-if you showed up, you had a pretty good chance of placing. Nice. Great people.

So...how did I make up for not running? Hockey. Dumbass. What's one of the worst things you can do with a bad knee (be on a hard surface) let alone arthritis (be on a hard COLD surface), but hey, I didn't run! Helluva good time. Kept up my record of most penalty minutes (in a friendly scrimmage mind you ;) ).

Wrapped up the day by seeing Blind Side. made up for the New Moon CRAP. Did I mention New Moon IS CRAP????? Blind Side= excellent.

day 117

so...day off...what to do...what to do...? Boot Camp!!!

The Core Training instructor does this boot camp class, is always trying to talk me into attending, but it's bad enough I leave Stoney alone on Wednesday nights 'til 8 pm, later would be wrong, so I can't make it. With today as an off day, I attended. It was GREAT!!! Used the exercise ball for the first time in a long time, REALLY worked the abs and total body. REALLY a good class. Off Monday too, maybe I'll mosey on over.

Good thing I did. Got home, got a call from Stoney's school: he missed first period (overslept). Ok, I can understand. But THEN, he didn't have his signed weekly progress report. I went FUCKING BALLISTIC. Actually shoved him, I was totally livid. He's spending the weekend @ his brotherfromanothermother's. Good. Space is needed. I really lit into him. i.e. if he lost the sheet, he has a buttload of looseleaf. If he was hell bent on getting it signed, he could've improvised. I'm REALLY pissed. BUT, again, God is there, in the midst of all this, Tom calls. Told him he just assisted in averting a homicide. Thank G. AND, going for the jugular, Stoney utters "even Hulk doesn't wanna be here." THAT hurt.

Yin to my Yang. THEN, Snaggletooth/Lisa wanders over asking how Shebitch is. When I say, "How is she??? I don't even know WHERE is she." Lisa starts spouting something about "that's why....." right. Like I need the opinion of an agoraphobic addict, the UNASKED FOR opinion. Back to your cave, back to your drugs.

At least I got an ab workout in the midst of all this crap.

*****New Moon: SUCKS. Mopey emo caucasian crap. Pure DRECK. DO NOT see this film. don't say I didn't warn you.

day 116

Back to the grind!

Core training again last night, St.Francis this am. Felt amazing. Sore, but amazing.

Truly felt as though I'd lsot my focus- I HAD. Between doing ab work last night and my stomping grounds this am, I feel amazingly better.

Change is good?

day 115

ANOTHER gorgeous day. Getting over the "I'd give my eyeteeth to run" phase, settling in to rehab resignation. If this is what I gotta do to recover, so be it. A weekend warrior.

Peaceful evening yesterday. I was awaiting Stoney's homecoming, he walks in the door and announces his desire for pizza. No. Nope. Nunh unh. No friggin' way. He has a bad habit of wanting and not finishing, i.e. if we order a pie, he'd damned bloody well better eat it. Of course, the dog ends up getting half. So, negative there. Tonight I do core training, usually pickup Subway, so I offered that, knowing tonight I'd have to cook. He went for it, with one wrinkle...take a second...guess. His fave...Taco Bell. Ok, six of one, half dozen of the other. Pain in the nuts for me: I gotta come home tonight, later than usual, and cook, but whatthefuck. It's an investment in my son. Can't fight that :) .

day 114

Clint and I.....

Clint Eastwood revealed one of his secrets to staying fit: ellip 30 mins daily. My man!!! KNEW I was on track (forgive the pun).

This weather is rockin'!!!! KILLS me that I gotta chillax with the knee, but I'm overcompensating in other ways: raked the backyard, cleaning my house. What a lovely feeling.

Then...(insert theme from Jaws), It called. SHIT!!! "I'll be here for a few extra days...." I responded: I didn't ask. And hung up.

My tranquil home will again be shipwrecked. SHIT.

Gotta enjoy it while I can. Quality time with Stoney, sitting down for dinner every night, reviewing his homework, paying bills, no debts, sleeping through the night rather than be awakened by a psychotic UberBitch. It's wonderful. For now.

***make sure you check the newest pix below, I'm very happy with the club.

day 113

YAYYY!!! Paid off the Amex 2 weeks ago, Visa last week, this am: Mastercard is no more!!!!! I'm FREE! What a great feeling.

Posted Mustang Pix below.

day 112

I'm BAAAAAACK!!!

Did the Mineola Mustang. Flat, nice 5k, too many turns but hey-we ARE runners thus, impossible to please.

Good news: the knee held up. Thanks G!!! Reaffirms my suspicion: hills-not so good, flat-gooder.

LOTS of Striders, was good to hang with the peeps-esp some who normally don't do races. It wasn't about placing, obviously. It WAS about being there; SOME local clubs haven't gotten that message yet. Pity, their loss.

Lots of pix, I'll post manana. For now, feel centered. It's wonderful!!!

day 111

starting to LIKE rain-prevents me from raking leaves/stepping in the backyard dogshit.

Spin class this am, 5k manana, so, gotta take is EASY, like it or not. NOW the left knee is hurtin'. Sympathy pains???

Took Stoney to see 2012 yesterday-spent half the flick texting. I HATE that. Explained to him how inappropriate it was, and how if he did it again, stay the fuck home. Either be fully present or not.

day 110

(Autism 4m Run pix added, see bottom)

Rainy, 45 ish, grey, good day to pull up the covers. Really owe God one on this, makes it easier to NOT run.

Went to the job, pouring rain/wind, they claim it's the tail end of Hurricane_______ (whatever), they always say this crap: "a Noreaster..." if we ever faced a real one our roofs would blow off.

So, hit the job, checked to make sure all was cool, then went back home to pick up Keith. Now, I hit the job, touched base, nailed down loose ends, and was STILL home by 6:30 am. Love it.

Figured with the crap weather, give him a surprise. He's used to walking to and from school (poor abused child), but I figured, do the lil' fucker a solid. Good thing I did, he overslept, had 5 mins to get to school-one class is giving him shit so he's going for extra help. He called his peep, who met us @ home, I drove 'em. Felt great.
Makes up for not running I hope.

With the week @ an end, it feels good. For the past 3 weeks, I've successfully paid off all debts, assured Stoney had normalcy, did the laundry/shopping/bill paying. Restored the dining room table to its status as a dining room table-not a clotheshorse-we actually...what's that word.....eat "dinner" there-no more nightly taco bell/fast food @ 11 pm. How lovely. And best of ALL, no screaming, yelling, fighting. How lovely to actually review Stoney's homework WITHOUT psychobitch behind him shrieking. I could get used to this.

Gone are the piles of clothes everywhere, gone is the clutter and "hoarder" type crap that resulted in the pix below. I really like where I live-more so with Stoney living normally. THIS is what it's all about.

day 109

nice day to chillax, but work bekons. Grey, 47 degs-GREAT running weather, but...(heavy sigh) not to be.

Elliped this am, STILL not as good as a run, but keeps one from totally losing it.

Days like this hurt. LOTS of fun yesterday, but again, it all falls on me. Times like this make it tough to tow the line, i.e. Stoney's stuck @ his computer 'til 10 minutes after bedtime, I get to play badguy. In the process, he whines about the dog refusing to come in. Of course @ this point I remind him of who wanted the dog, yet never walks him, rather, throws him into the backyard I mow, yet they that wanted the beast never clean up after it.

Imagine being charged with working for a living, add to this home maintenance, bill paying, child rearing, entertainment director. Yes, it is very difficult. And throughout all this, It calls repeatedly like a fly on the wall-critiquing everything/subverting all efforts, while bringing absolutely nothing to the table.

day 108

good day, a very good day.

Started off not so promising, light rain. SHIT. No golf. But...check the pc, check the weather, google some info...and......off to the mean, wicked, ugly city. YAY!!!!

Stoney and dad off to NYC. What to do, what to do??? The Pond!!! We went skating. In Bryant Park, where they have the summer concerts for GMA, they put up a rink every year, surrounded by kiosks vending crap you don't really want/but looks way cool. He did well, only fell once. Couldn't find my skates under all the crap in the garage, but rented a pair, dull blades, but whatthehell. It worked. We had fun. Then, off to catch a flick. Precious. WOW. We went to the AMC 25, where, considering the movie this shouldn't have been a surprise, there were more B.P.S.I. (black per square inch) than we'd ever seen.

Jumped on the 3:55, home by 4:30. Gave Stoney his meds (still has a bit of a cold), then off to the Y. Core Training. With the gimpy leg, HADDA do something. Felt good. Stopped by Subway, got Stoney his usual, home by 8.

A wonderful day indeed. Now the nagging question: why can't Shebitch do this sorta crap with Stoney? Whether It's in house or M.I.A., it all falls on me. THAT is tough, having to do everythint from soup to nuts. But well worth it.

day 107

ok so far. Stoney made it to school. I'll take it. Not feeling 100%, but whaddya expect from a person who never exercises nor ate veggies 'til recently.

Another day off the bad knee, not getting any easier-especially with this killer weather, but beats the shit outta being crippled. The ellip will havta suffice.

MAJOR victory!!! I am now 100% debt free. Paid off the AMEX. I'm now a free man. Feels amazing.

day 106

ok, so far so...what??? It's KILLING me that I gotta rest the leg, but my knee can't take too much more. GOD I miss my daily run. Perhaps manana.

Stoney hadda stay home from school. Whenever this happens I feel like a total failure. I know shit happens, but this kills me. So, being a guy, gotta take action. This came in the form of: vegetables. He's gonna eat a veg per dinner if it kills me. Today: corn. It was deeeelish. Manana, tomatoes-it IS a vegetable, despite what Reagan said.

day 105

we did it!!!

With a minimum of crap (though, again, using the cane), finished the race. Was ok until hills, going UP was painful. BUT, didn't walk an inch. Dunno if my pace was what most would call "running," but I didn't walk any of it-and THIS was a tough course. Was mid pack re: The Wearers of The Green, mid pack re: overall finishers as well. REALLY killing me now, but I'll recover. I hope. Or not.

THANK GOD Stoney texted me. The weather is GORGEOUS, so he finally got off his ass and went to play with his friends. I took the time to rake the front lawn-friggin' leaves!!! But it's ok, felt good nontheless to be vertical. Tomorrow I'll hate myself but today, I finished what I started. Nice to see my Long Island peeps also. Wish I could'a stuck around longer @ the end but the pain was too great. Hadda boogie.

day 104

***MORE pix of The Big One. See below. Thanks Elik.

Went to AP, connected with the peeps, many NOT there, doing the Autism run manana. Saw Pret's car, must'a been doing a long run (JOIN the club already!!!). NOW I get it. Wasn't running, wasn't walking, actually went to see my peeps. Odd that.

BEAUTIFUL day-meaning-of course Stoney was still in his pj's when I got home (2pm). Tough life.

Let's pray the leg hold out for manana. If not, shoot me.

day 103

one more day of rest and then we'll see wassup. Either I run or shoot me.

Baby steps: explained to Keith the necessity of making the bed BEFORE you leave the house in the am (as opposed to Fiddler Crabbing it at night). FINALLY he made the bed, AND he called to say he was playing handball with friends. Before he couldn't understand how I needed to know where he was. Thank GOD he's learning.

MORE leap of faith related issues remember Stan's meltdown? Well, he spoke @ the meeting last night, more to get him off my back than anything. And, though he droned on for WAY too long and I was aching to get back home, he was VERY good. Spoke of his involvement in the civil rights movement. Wow. Helluva story. Unfortunately, some of the bigger assholes in our club heard he was speaking and didn't show. NOT cool people. So much for trust, extending olive branches. Thankfully, he didn't take it to heart. Props to you Stan.

God bless Elik, thanks to him, pix of The Big One down below. Don't laugh.

day 102

(funny how your mood suffers when you DON'T run)

This HAS been a shit year. Gots'ta get better.

The ONE thing I most look forward to sucked, Shebitch is MIA-dunno what hospital (don't wanna) don't know if It'll live or die, I became officially a single parent, this goes on...

And it wouldn't matter worth a shit if I could run. DAYUM!!!

Last night was supposed to go to Core Training, but with tonight's bored/membership meeting, couldn't leave Stoney unattended for 2 consecutive evenings. I had told him if he went anywhere after school to give me a call. I'm home, dinner waiting, he's mia. I went BALLISTIC. For THIS I missed the ONE fucking thing I do for me??????? And yes, I let him know it. He's not only on the shit list, he IS the shit list. I explained that what had been asked of him was minimal, that his responsibilities @ home are likewise minimal, so he was in deep shit. I explained I'm responsible for him, that I must know where he is-especially in light of his herbal tendencies.

After all this was explained, you KNOW his response "whatever." Wrong answer. I went NUTS. Not explosive, but in a Clint Eastwood way. He's on deep freeze.

Fuck me. One fucking peaceful moment. Instead, every moment I spend away from him, I worry (try doing a marathon with THAT on your mind "I should be home, I should be home...")

day 101

yay!!! I wasn't last!

STILL adjusting to dragging a leg for 6 miles. BUT, there's ALWAYS good news: there WAS a Strider behind me. God bless him, AND he was 39!!! What slays me is my lats year's time-my benchmark, 4:28, was easily within reach this year, and would'a put me in mid-Wearers of the Green pack. DAYUM!!!

AND, adding insult to injury, the weather this week is gorgeous!!! SHIT.

It is what it is, gotta suck it up.

Went to see Where the Wild Things Are. I was disappointed. dunno exactly why, but I expected more.

Must be my mind set, wanna get this crap behind me asap.

day 100

ok, settling into the shit time. Of course this is exacerbated by peeps good wishes, you can tell they're trying, but truth is-a shit time is a shit time-injury or no. I am sooooooo content that I didn't bail. My only reassurance. This, of course, is counterbalanced by the fact that e mail is circulating re: club results, I'm right there...at the bottom. And what SUCKS is I could've been in the middle. More accomplished/faster runners have a slower time than I did last year, THAT year was my benchmark. But, it is what it is.

My other reassurance is the split time revealed I came in @ mile 15 @ 2:48. That was pre-injury. I could'a repeated last year. Oh well. I finished. Good.

Now, the rest, THIS is the only part that sucks worse than my time. BEAUTIFUL weather all week, and I'm pinned. It is what it is.

Laughlin hit it on the head: for a club like ours, having 14 do this thing was a friggin' miracle. We're amazing.

For they that don't get it good, they shouldn't.

For us that do: we need to wallow in it. EVERYTHING can be seen through marathon eyes. "tortoise vs.hare," "don't ever quit," etc...

Again, I'm impressed not only with our club, but New York itself. Running this one, you really DO feel as though you own the city. The cheers of the NYFD "We can walk faster than you're running," THAT busted my gut, bless 'em. The NYPD shakin' it to the beat in Brooklyn, the children holding out their hands.....wow.

day 99

...the morning after.

Great words of encouragement from the peeps. Unfortunately, my time SUCKED, unofficial: 5:14. BUT, (and everything after "but" is bullshit), I didn't d.n.f., as badly as I wanted to/should have. Walking with a cane now. Stoney's finding it hilarious. Good. Now I'm screwed, gotta do it again to beat this fiasco.

Tom called, bless him, to make Boston he'd have needed 3:35. SHIT.

The Big One '09

DONE!!!!! And @ quite a price.

Woke up this am, light rain, so far so good. "They" predicted it would stop by racetime-we'll see. Got to Runner's Edge, rain allllllmost over-spritzing. Wipers on on the bus on the way. Tom and I hooked up, on the bus, chattering.

Get to the start, Tom had bogarted some hazmat suits from his gig, perfect, they were like Union Suits/Farmer Johns-with booties and one zipper. Perfect. Identical to what I refer to as the "raisin suit," but one piece rather than 2. So, we get to the Fort, grab some grub, grab a spot. Who do we run into, Elik and Len. Cool!!!

We camp out, making fast friends with the peeps leaning on the ground/against the same tree. Part of what makes this soooo cool. 5 bagels and 2 power bars later, time to get into corrals. I forgot ONE crucial thing, but we'll get to THAT later.

The start was the usual NYRR logistics miracle-VERY well done. Though the "Blue corral wave 3, orange corral wave 2" shit mystified me. For the first time I was on the upper level of the Verrazano. Cool! I had the AP singlet and short, under a 4x windbreaker, under the hazmat suit. Perfect as the upper level was windy. But we were warm. Thanks Tom!!!

Tore off the hazmat suit as I was 100m from the starting line, over the bridge, through SI, through Brooklyn, through Queens and...and...The Peeps!!!!! COOL!!! Thank GOD they were there. They'll NEVER know how important they were. Here I am, single parent, feeling utterly alone, and there they were. Made my day!!! (that, and, for SOME reason, the Bronx ALWAYS has great tunes, last year was "let's go crazy-Prince," this year "Hero, Foo Fighters." (the year before "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn."). Way to go Bronx!!!

Mile 20/21, the wheels came off in the form of a blown right knee. If I didn't know any better, I'd have thought I fractured it, but it's merely arthritis manifesting itself in one of those "why the HELL do I do marathons" injuries. I'd pulled off to use a port-a-tree, when I turned around, BOOM! Couldn't put ANY weight on my right knee. And only 5/6 miles to go. SHIT!!! Here's where things got interesting, also, what I alluded to earlier. What's the ONE thing I do prerace I didn't today...right: IbuFUCKINGprofen. And I paid a price. I was running strong 'til 20/21, could'a done my last year's pace easily, but FUCK!!!

So, how'd I finish??? The crowd. Pure and simple. @ one point tears were streaming down my face, the crowd saw it, all I heard was "Alley Pond" and "you can do this." Bless them. Total strangers filling in for what I lack @ home. Bless them.

THEN, the WORST, TRYING to get outta Central Park. Truly, if this shit continues I'm not doing this next year. They INSIST on one exit, dunno why. There I am, dragging-literally-my right leg, the Army guys and medics offering to carry me, and we can't get outta the fucking park, except to be funnelled through like cattle. Ridiculous.

But, finish I did, with alot of support. ALOT of support!!!

Highlights: hooking up with Tina, Katey, and Tom, entering Ft.Wadsworth together. VERY neat. Seeing the Wearers of the Green (looked for College Point and the Teambrickquantumwell peeps-didn't see any of them), talking with fellow runners. Lowlights: blowing out my right knee, limping outta Central Park.

Thank you my peeps, thank you New York. You made me.

day 98

So, brother and his wife picked up Stoney to see Sybil, Stoney touched base, then headed to a Halloween party. Cool ! "And there'll be GIRLS!!!" Cute bastard. "Black girls!" The kid's a pisser.

Light, very light rain now, good. Hopefully the same front that delayed the World Series will be the one that was s'posed to dampen us this am. Only prob: you KNOW Fortt Wadsworth'll be a mud pit. Oh well....

day 97

YIN: had a blast @ the Paste Dinner, dunno why we call it that, Stoney and I had steak-it's what's for dinner-but you get the point.

This event turned out to be way more than I'd expected. @ first, just a few peeps, then they told two friends, and...and...it great to 10...then 12...then 18.....finally 20!!! (Vince and Sue showed-they never do, but didn't stay to eat, Laughlin also showed-he never comes east of the border!!!).

We had a BLAST (did I say that???). Lots of pix, don't look now, they'll wait til after The Big Run. Everyone got a kick outta Stoney.

Yang: My brother is coming soon to take Stoney to see Sybil. Dunno where it is, don't care. Fuck her.

Happy Hallo-who really gives a shit, just another contrived day. Glad it'll rain, no disturbances @ the door while I'm trying to chillax.

Latest report: rain overnight, then clearing come racetime. I hope.

REALLY feel alone.

day 96

48 hours and counting!!!!!

Went to the expo yesterday, MAN life can be sooooo good.

My peep went home to pick up Stoney, I was stuck here on site. Tom and his son met me here an hour earlier than they'd planned (YES!!! Earlier is gooder), Stoney came a-riding in. It was on!!! Took the bus to the train, walked to Javits (The most exercise Stoney'd gotten in months).

Who checks my e mail and license? Randy!!! Can't friggin' hide. As we're waiting (Tom didn't bring his e mail, so we got held up), bump into Vince who was waiting for Sue who didn't bring her e mail either. THEN, we run into Jonathan and his mom. Man, this IS our run!!!

Checked out the expo-it was 5:30 @ this point, I'm ready to collapse-3 hours after my usual feeding time. I'm making repeated forays to the powergel booth for some new crap they're pushing-tastes like chocolate mud, but it worked-kept me going!!!

Stoney wanders over (HE wanted to check the booths, I wanted to grab my shit and go, bless him, he was into it!!!) to the Skull Candy booth, skaterdude workin' it gives him a t shirt-way cool!!! (THIS, in addition to a NEW, in the box, pair of ear buds he FOUND as we left the train made his night). Skaterdude and I start talkin', turns out he's recovering from crystal meth. Smaaaaaal world n'est pas?

Finally, we reconnect, head out. @ this point it's 6:25 when we hit Penn. Train to Hicksville is 6:35...what to do, what to do. Hadda eat something. With all Penn has to offer, what does Stoney choose? Taco Bell, of course. Shebitch would come home nearly every night with it, he's been withdrawing. I had 2 chicken burritos (340 cals x 2) he had his usual. We hit the train, made it with a minute to spare.

What a fun evening!!! And tonight it continues with the club pasta dinner.

...Yin to the Yang: RAIN predicted for Sunday-we'll see. After all this, how bad could it be??? Very, but hey, at least I won't be alone ;).

day 95

It happened!!! The miracle!

OK, felt like shit after paying $543 to have a pipe valve changed to fix the drip drip drip in the basement, but hey, thank G that's one less worry. THEN, Stoney comes home from school yesterday SOAKED. There's an umbrella and poncho in his backpack. I hit the roof!!!

He KNEW I was pissed, so, bless him, he asked for help with his spanish h/w. Bad news was: he really wanted someone to do the work for him. He had a series of sentences to translate-god forbid he opens his book. THAT'S what he wanted-someone to sit next to him and translate, rather than crack a book. THAT'S (warning: old person line coming) the problem with this generation: instant gratification. Rather than have to work for something.

So, THEN, the computer guy calls and says my laptop is toast-you know, the one Shebitch threw to the ground TWICE.

Here's where it gets good!!!

The guy calls, apologizes profusely, "I know you've had it here for 5 days, I'm very sorry..." @ this point, I know exactly what to do. Notice: the guy never said there was a bench charge (go to Best Buy, they automatically charge $129 just to look at it), so...I saw the sign he had for $199 laptops and $99 desktops, refurbished but hey-once anyone looks @ your pc, it's refurbished. Add this to his being literally around the corner and...I whipped out 5 $20's and said "gimme THAT one." Perfectly good Dell Pentium 4, Windows XP, and best of all, if it goes south, he's right there. How easy was that??? For less than the cost of a repair, I'm gold! Thanks God!!! Thanks alot!!!

Core training last night, good class, one of the peeps spoke of Sunday's run, they wished me well. Nice of them. Came home, Stoney STILL @ the pc, hadn't eaten. FUCK!!! This parenting thing is work. Blessed work, but work nontheless. No more free time, not a second to yourself. It is what it is. @ least I didn't abandon him to go to a meeting.

Last run of the week, rest tomorrow and saturday. Expo tonight. One of the work peeps going to my place to scoop up Stoney, he, I, and my brotherfromanothermother will head to the Javits Center @ 4.


***the hard parts ISN'T running the marathon, the hard part is being a single parent, doing all the shit I gotta do, then running rhe marathon. It's actually 26.2 miles of peace. Most people will never understand that, they don't need to, that's good. No one should have to live with what I do.

day 94

OUCH!!!!!

ok, so we THINK the leak from the oil burner is temporarily fixed-a band aid really. Tightenened something and the drip drip drip slowed to a crawl. Came home, checked the bucket, checked the pipe and...and...MORE drip, more water. Who do you call??? Tried one of the work peeps who knew someone who was s'posed to come saturday-this couldn't wait. No go, called the job, no one had his cell (figures, Murphy's Law). So, googled emerg plumbers, @ this point, called the first name on the list, they said they'd be there in an hour. They were there in 30, fixed the prob, and were out by 6 pm. THAT was the good news. The bad news: the part they installed-one that Tom said he could do, was $453. Total bill: $543. SHIT. THINK you're making progress toward paying down your debts and......... THIS is the kinda shit I get pissed @ Shebitch for. Why? I LOVE doing shit for the house, but with It in it, it doesn't pay. I.E. When the plumber saw the state of the basement his eyes popped out-and THAT was after I cleaned up!!!!! The good news? At least I can leave the house without worrying about the basement being submerged (CAN a basement BE submerged???).

Adding insult to injury, It called, to speak to Stoney of course. And, of course, it made him behave oddly-it figures-he knows he's in the middle, knows things are tranquil with It outta the picture, but It IS his mother-if in name only.

Rain this am-tellin' ya, Murphy's Law. Was scheduled to be the last run before The Big One, oh well. Another rest day.

Thank GOD for the Y. Core training tonight. Manana the CARF surveyors come, fun watching the pinheads scuttle about JUST because we're being inspected. We should do our best everyday, this is nothing.

day 93

sometimes you just gotta put one foot in front of the other...........

it works!!! It REALLY does. Was REALLY down yesterday, with Stoney sick, the boiler dripping and the neighbor's bush growing over the fence onto my garage's roof, I was loooooooooow. But...gotta stick it out. My brotherfromanothermother had called Sunday axin' if we wanted to do sumtin', so of course I said sure (REALLY wanted to chillax and be ALONE, but Stoney comes first n' I KNOW he needs to get out more).

Sooooo, we went to "vegas for kids," Dave n' Busters. Had a BLAST!!!!!! Spent a fortune, but well worth it. One of the things on the "to do" list was bowling, they have an alley there. Way cool. Thanks Tom, got me outta myself.

He helped get rid of that branch as well. What a guy. Has a week off and wants to hang with me. Masochist.

Stoney really benefits. Though he was too sick for school, he of course wasn't THAT sick. Hee hee. THIS really is what it's all about, and why I'll never understand Shebitch. Doing shit together is what it's all about, whether sitting down to dinner, going somewhere/doing something, or just being together @ home. It does none of these, putting It's selfish needs first-abandoning Stoney to go to a meeting, to go to___wherever. Never cooking, never spending any qt with him. I love it, he's Gilligan to my Skipper.

Going to the expo Thursday 4 ish.

St.Francis this am, again, feeling better.

RAIN!!! SHIT! But, this is good. Got my run in, for ONCE I beat the moisture. Way to go G. I'll spare us all the trouble of reading that "Footprints" bullshit, but it IS true. AND, with the off and on rain predicted, I no longer havta worry 'bout those goddamned branches rubbing against the roof, eventually causing a hole.

I feel bad Stoney's gotta walk to school in the rain but hey, don't be a pussy.

day 92

5 days until The Big One. So far so good. Back to St.Francis, crisp, cool morning. Felt good. Right knee, again, bothering me, but hey-life hurts.

Stoney home from school, throwing up and the runs-so he claims. With the positive urines, I'd of course like to believe him, but at this stage, don't know what to think. He's a teenager who previously boasted of fooling Sybil into giving him a day off. MORE shit to deal with. And some of my peeps biggest problem is feeling bored. Jeeeez. WISH I had that problem. @ home, there's ALWAYS something to do: empty the bucket which collects the run off from the boiler, cook for Stoney, clean, shop, do the laundry.........it never ends. Then, juuust when you think you got it together, a text saying he puked. SHIT.

I'm exhausted. Truly, utterly, completely spent. Nothing's in the tank.

day 91

weekend's a wrap!!! Now, chillax n' it's done.

Did the Poland Spring run this am. 5m pre-marathon race in which we run the last 5m of The Big One. Perfect day for it!!!! Crisp, clear, not at all like yesterday. Now, just gotta NOT get hurt 'til next Sunday.

Took Stoney to see Paranormal Activity. I STILL wanna see Where the Wild Things Are, but he wanted to see this crap, n' I mean CRAP. Boooooooooring. But, more father/son time. It was a beautiful day, he was happy hangin' out indoors, jeeeeeeeez.

day 90

so, Stoney comes home with his weekly progress report, signed/sealed/delivered. He had a good week, teachers verifies it, we went out for pizza (for him, salad for me) and a movie (Saw 6, YESSS!!! Blooooood and more blooooooood).

Up this am @ the crack of dawn and...and... RAIN! FUCK! Was ready to bail on the Nike run, but, no. KNEW if I bailed it'd stop raining the second I got home, so went, hooked up with my brotherfromanothermother, and off we went. No rain. NICE!!! At least not until after, this pm: RAIN! That's ok, it was a great run in Prospect Park. Yay!!!

Glad I didn't bail.

7 days to go kiddies. The Big One Looms!!!

day 89

week one is done. Made it. Stoney didn't get arrested, didn't get into any trouble. I WAS pissed he didn't do weights yesterday, but that's my problem not his. Que paso? In gym, they ran a mile. Whoo-hoo!!! But for one who's biggest exercise is walking from the den to the bathroom.........He did his homework, we ate dinner, he took a nap. He was wiped. Yes, I found it hilarious, but kind'a sad as well. THIS is the state of our youth.

I'm sad for him-with the whole grounded thing, but, with him @ home, I know where he is and don't havta worry.

Today, he brings his progress report for each teacher to sign. If he follows through-dinner and a movie, if not, he's stays in.

Rest day today, gearing up for the weekend. Gotta let the knee chillax.

day 88

St.Francis this am, last of the week, felt good, but right knee is kicking up. Not good.

God bless Stoney for being the resilient little bastard he is.. Tough mutha. Really stepped up yesterday.

Gearing up for the big AP Pasta dinner-the pre Marathon thing. Getting excited, yet, concerned. Don't wanna leave Stoney alone for that extended period, but I have little choice. That means he'll be essentially alone all day.

Last night core training, tonight, weights with Stoney. Bless the little bastard.

this just in!

was gonna KILL Stoney about the bad progress report and his lack of follow up. E mailed him this am, about how awful I feel about his having to go to school alone, then (Wednesdays only) has to come home to an empty house. He emails in response: "Don't be a faggot, it is what it is. Nut up or shut up." MY MAN!!!! The kid gots stones!!!!! Redeemed himself/saved himself some major hell.

day 87

thank GOD for running. Dunno what I'd do if I didn't get out.

Imagine having to do everything yourself, then do everything for another person as well. That's what I'm up against. The good part, as I explained to Stoney's guidance counselor, at least when I'm parenting Stoney I no longer have a shrieking harpie behind him contradicting everything I say. But it IS difficult. Today, like every am, he will walk to school, waking up in an empty house. Sucks. But he IS 14, an age at which independence is balanced with the last gasps of childhood. Ok, so he goes to school, THEN, he'll have the meeting with his English teacher and Guidance Counselor. OUCH. But this is what must happen. He needs to tighten up. No wonder. Did Shebitch EVER even peruse his homework????? And as you know, that's only the tip of the iceberg re: Its non parenting. What hurts today is I won't be there when he comes home, but this isn't entirely a bad thing either. I'm sure he'll welcome having some space. But it IS nice to sit together as we did @ dinner last night. First time I can remember he didn't even put the tv on until 10pm. He did his homework, we ate, we did weights (THAT was a howl), and then he went on the computer. A great day for him and I as a unit, not great day as a student.

I gotta hang in there. As you know, took the day off yesterday to set the house straight, no small task. Did the lawn, swept up the leaves, cleaned his room, put away his clothes. As of 2 pm, the house was tight. Of course I was exhausted, but when Stoney came up the front steps, wind was again behind my sails. REALLY glad Its out of the picture. AND, guess how THAT worked????? It got a lift from one of Its groupies, without so much as indicating where It was going for the procedures. Good. Totally out of the picture this way.

By the time I got to St.Francis this am, I felt like the guy in the desert seeing an oasis for the first time. MAN did I need that. Unfortunately, RAIN predicted for the weekend. But it's ok, that should be my biggest problem.

day 86, D Day

today It goes into the hospital, again. Today I officially become a single parent, still.

They, It and Stoney, went out to dinner last night, nice. I sat and watched the Yankee game, wasn't invited-obviously. Spent the commercials reading Its journal, a.k.a. "diary of a victim," actually had the tits to rant about "The Chicken Incident," went on about how I had the balls to cook chicken It had purchased. All this written watching the cable I pay for, with the electricity I pay for, in the house I pay for. What a victim. Cry me a river.

St.Francis this am, then off for the rest of the day. "Off" being a relative term;" gotta do the lawn, trim branches, rake, all the shit males get to do while the victim continues listing various things I should be doing. Jeeeez, can't hospitals have earlier admissions?????

Did the lawn, cleaned out the garage (Stoney asked if we could do weights, I said I had a bench in the garage, but needed to rid the debris-no small task, but great incentive n'esy pas?). So, there I am feeling good, until...until...mail. Stoney's progress report: passing half, borderline on half, failing one. THEN, got a call from his school. FUCK me. Single parenting SUCKS. Had to straighten him out after I explained to the school the shit we live with. Amazes me how some people go on the talk show circuit, write books about their "courageous fight," while the rest of us live quietly in the midst of The Fight.

day 85

one more day.

Tomorrow, everything changes. Not sure whether to feel as though I'm walking to the gallows, or awaiting my imminent release from a long prison term. This IS odd. Either way, I'm dreading the responsibility. It'll all be on me, for better or for worse.

10 this am, wasn't raining, cool, crisp morning, felt good. Gloves today, yes kiddies, the seasons have changed.

This way of life is taking its toll. Stoney tells me Pete stopped by earlier today. How wonderful to have your brother stop by your home and you didn't even know. Things like this remind me of just how much It's fucked my life.

REALLY glad I did what I did when I did. Translation: the year I did a marathon a month-good thing I used my freedom when I had it. The nights I'd stay in Manhattan overnight. All that's gone. Stoney is totally my responsibility. I can't be away from him for too long, especially now that he's grounded. The WORST is beeing a teenager and feeling ignored. Never gonna happen. I think of all the days It left him to fend for himself, wrong. Dead wrong. Hope I do ok.


***See below, Polansky sent a pic from Oysterfesy '09. With a look like that on my mug, don't need a costume for Halloween.

day 84

2 days to go!!!!! Starting to get down to the wire here. Do I have enough $$$ to carry the household??? Why didn't Shebitch call the oil company????? How am I gonna make it alone? Fuck it, same as I always did eh kiddies???

RAIN this am, SHIT!!! Got a call from my brotherfromanothermother. God bless you Tom. Whenever I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, my peeps are there. He called to see what color the grass was on my side of the fence. When he saw I was cashing it in, cutting my losses (going to the gym), he was doing the same. Funny, god forBID we take a day off, nooooooooo, gotta do something! So, spinning, weights, and ellip. Felt good.

Thank G it rained, was gonna do a race, the one in Malverne, but, didn't prereg, so I was free-and NOT muddy!!!

And, continuing the yin/yang, came home, made Stoney dinner, and then...we did weights. COOL!!!

day 83

Did the Republic Airport 5k last night, then the Oyster Fest 5k this am. Felt good. These are fun runs. Pure and simple. Do them for the sake of doing something to break up the monotony of The Line. But, Yin and Yang as always.

Yin: Last night a peep says they brought their bag, and will be spending the night @ my house. ????? Didn't happen of course, I disappeared. This am, same peep @ the next race, asked why I'd disappeared. I felt AWFUL that they felt deceived, but.............

Yang: Paul's daughter finished @ Geneseo, is pursuing her law degree @ St.John's, lives near Cunningham. Hmmm, the newest Strider?????

More Yang: Stoney wants to use the weight bench in the garage. YAY!!!!! The only prob: it'll take some work to clear of amassed debris, but it's his for his use.

Feel awful about the "sleeping @ my place" thing, but hey, boundaries ARE boundaries.

No rain yet, YAYYYYYY!!!!! Sick of this fuckinggoddamned rain.

day 82

4 days to go, starting to count the hours. And, of course, it's cold and rainy, lovely.

Day off, literally. Thank G for the rain!!!!! Of course, night's another matter entirely. "Not So Midnight" run tonight. For some reason these always are either cold or rainy, but fun nontheless.

Getting the kiddies together for a mini roadtrip, see "Where the Wild Things Are," awaiting a response from 2 peeps then we're there!

day 81

a handful of days to go. Last night they went to Red Lobster. No big whoop, until you put 2 and 2 together. It SCREAMS about the almighty chicken getting cooked (meanwhile, spouts "don't sweat the small stuff to Its groupies), then goes out to dinner, again. Making it a point to have gone shopping for products that in no way involve the person paying the mortgage. No kiddies, not even vegetables. I'm talking: if it involves me: fuhgeddaboudit. This hurts more than I can describe. People think I exaggerate. They go out to dinner, yet It can't buy a friggin' box of crackers. Amazing. Utterly amazing. Tuesday life begins anew.

St.Francis + this am, 10 total. This pm into Saturday morning rain predicted. SHIT.

Len was doing hill work. I like his system: does it by time, with downhills used for recovery. SUCH a nice guy, a black Tom.

Core training went well last night. Funny, the first class in this cycle was PACKED, now there's 4 of us. Good. That's my attitude toward running as well. Either you're there, or to hell with you. Life's too short.

day 80

dinner was magnificent: slab o' beef + veggies. Laid off the carbs, subbed double green beans instead-props there-no rubber veggies, al dente. You humans might be onto something with this whole eating thing.

Of course Shebitch going off-and I mean OFF before still stings. In front of Stoney again, no class at all. Can't wait 'til Tuesday-neither can he. You KNOW it's toxic when your son prefers the dog over you. Good taste kiddo.

St.Francis this am, cool. Barely broke a sweat. LOVE this weather. Tonight: core training.

Feel good that despite all the crap I hang in there. Gotta. And again, my brotherfromanothermother calls just when I needed it-and I AM horrible with the phone. Bless you Tom. JUST as I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders (Shebitch SCREAMING that I had the balls to cook ITS chicken, lawn need cutting, trees need pruning.........doesn't anyone do anything here but me?????) he called and said he covered The Marathon bus. He'll never know.

Reason #2: so many peeps have dropped from the scene. We used to be a tighter knit group, but peeps retreated to their little worlds, insulating themselves. Pity. Their loss.

day 79, one week to go

until It enters the hospital for either curing or the last time.

10 this am, evened out the weekend's 5k's. St.Francis + Teamquantumbrickwellfeet's 5k course. @ first the am looked dicey, was sprinkling @ Toxichouse, but per usual, when approaching Queens, nothing. Nice. Another Hooded sweatshirt/shorts am, 46 degs. Gotta acclimate, but don't wanna be uncomfortable. Odd that-when things were as normal as they ever were in Hicksville, didn't mind the cold as much. Now, I got enough crap in my life to last 5 lifetimes, not tolerating more than I gotta.

Knees holding up, ready to accept a shit pace for the sake of saving my knees. Do I wanna chase an unattainable dream, or run for years? Hmmmm.

Stoney's home from school-big surprise. Never eats veggies, never exercises, jeeeeez.

Tonight, out for dinner. Boys night out. The team heard about birthday @ Toxichouse (not one fucking gift, feel so rewarded when I pay the mortgage) they're taking me for "after eating this you'll have a stroke" steak. Ruth's Chris or Smith & Wollensky. Bless 'em.


***Can a week pass more quickly??? Made the mistake of occupying the same space as Shebitch-BIG error. It went shopping last night, brought home chicken, and...are you sitting...I cooked it! Bastard aren't I? For this I get torn yet another new one. Among other choice things, I'm told I'm cheap, I'm________ just fill in your favorite expletive. Follow this by a litany of "my my my," as in a distinct and clear seperation of belongings here. Great example for a kid n'est pas??? As in "the chicken wasn't for you, you cooked MY chicken." Amazing. Utterly amazing. And no, I didn't respond with "You're using my electricity, in my house, watching my cable."

Yin/Yang: Tom called. Bless him, paid for the bus to the start of the marathon.

day 78

BEAUTIFUL morning, shorts and hooded sweatshirt (DO NOT even THINK "hoodie," annoying, uniquely caucasian word.) Was 45 degs when I hit The Line. YUMMMMM. REALLY felt good. Needed it after the weekend's 5k's. Bullshit distances, so after The Big One, I should use them as speed runs, and accept no less than 8:30. Prob is with these running shoes, it's tough to get any speed-they're like cinderblocks, but the trade off is worth it-knees feel good. What price speed???

Reality check: with the passing of yet another weekend, comes our "back down to earth" moment. Feeling really good that I'm down to one credit card with a balance, a sub $2,000 balance at that. Prob will occur in 8 days. THIS is when the weight of the world comes down. It enters the hospital, either to get cured or not to, the final solution-or not. This leaves me holding the bag. Remember, after the stem cell implants, rather than give the dog to a friend, It is choosing to abandon us and live with others for 2 months. This is GREAT for the house, we'll go from "Toxichouse" to "home," but this leaves me to do everything. Normal people would take 2 months off, I can't. I won't.

Got my # for The Big One. Good news: I'm in the first section, bad news: of the last wave. I'll be starting 'round 10:30.

***Pics from Get to the Point just added, see bottom.

day 77

age has its benefits!!!

OK, getting used to this "I'm in the aarp generation" thing. The beauty of it: you leave the bullshit to the young'uns. This 5k was a perfect example. Had ALOT of fun with the Wearers of the Green, it's not often I spend time with ANYONE without praying I was elsewhere. With the peeps, I enjoyed their company, to the point that I didn't want it to end. Finishing @ 8:30 was a possibility, but chose to drag my ass and make a point by being the last of 3 Striders. REALLY had fun with them, but, the race has gotten so big, we were @ the end of the chow line-THAT sucked-30 minutes. Ouch. Bit of a disappointment there, by the time we got our plates, there wasn't much left. BUT, the enthusiasm of the organizers IS infectious, you can't NOT have a good time.

day 76

Didn't QUITE know which direction to take this am. Need the miles, but this is the day before a race. So.........compromised, did a 5k as a warm up, the Dennis Cross 5k-another of those 9-11 runs. Flat, Islip Terrace. Felt good, shit time, but felt good.

Took Stoney to see Zombieland. Dying to see it AGAIN!!!!!

Nut up or shut up.

day 75

tgif!!! The weekend looks like alot of fun, we have the mini Strider roadtrip Sunday, rain this pm into manana am, so manana MIGHT be a rest day. Need the miles, but the day before a race, I dunno. Should I kill my time for a 5k, in order to be better prepped for The Big One? Or run shorter-if at all-manana? Rain might come to the rescue.

Made Stoney NUTS yesterday. Told him I'd call the school to find out why they called me, and we'd discuss it when I got home. He texted me no less than 9 times yesterday!!! He's def related to me, HATES the "we'll discuss it later" shit, the mind takes that ball and really runs with it.

THEN I get a call from the school re: he'd been missing for 8th period.

THEN he texts me-thinking he texted one of his friends (putz), the text reads:

"idk Joey said he might be able to get it for you. And na I'm prolly not even going to anymore lol, atleast for the next few weeks cuz I wanna get out and I gotta test - ." (his spelling etc...)

can't WAIT til the teens are over.

day 74

Vlad The Impaler

So now I torture Stoney.

Come back to Toxichouse after core training last night-interesting to note how the class downsizes after the start of each new cycle, Stoney's on the couch playing whatever video game shebitch bought (buy more games, don't DO anything with your son), I ask "where's the dog?" He shrugs his shoulders. I ask why the high school tried claling me, he again, denies anything. I hit the roof. The dog is in the den waiting to be let out-the dog he wanted/begged for/made a bunch of bullshit promises for. This, in addition to doing NOTHING but playing video games got me pissed. Shebitch comes home, and rather than back a parenting strategy, asks why I'm torturing my son. Amazing. Utterly amazing. These are the moments in which I feel alone, totally, completely alone. SOMEONE has to do the parenting, and when undertaken, you get sabotaged.

On the good news front, we have a mini club roadtrip to Brooklyn Sunday for the glutton 5k. FUN!!! Thbis one rocks no matter the weather.

St.Francis this am-treacherous. Heavy wind last night, made for high knees to avoid branches.

day 73

does 50 + 1 feel any different? No. Same me, for better or for worse. I prefer to think "for better."

Keep thinking of the Billy Joel line about Angry Young Man, thinking still being in "the game" is enough. Don't gotta aim for windmills.

Had a delightful evening. Beyond what I'd thought up. This is the key: expect nothing. So, I took the ball and ran with it. Arranged for dinner out, went for the 20 oz. Porterhouse (should'a had the 32 ounce, yummmmmm, double veggies, no carbs hee hee. You CAN be a healthy glutton), then went to see The Invention of Lying. Amazing flick, based on the concept of there is no god, what if you made him up? In this flick he's known as "the man in the sky," and churches as "places where you worship the man in the sky." VERY funny. Well done. Quite a lovely night.

Back to Toxichouse. Now, I'd left the crackberry in the truck, didn't wanna spoil the evening. LOTS of voicemail, shit @ work, and a message from Stoney. Turns out Shebitch wanted to take me to dinner. Now, take a second or two kiddies. Let this sink in....either it's screaming bloody murder that I'm scum and Its pro bono attorney is going to..........or I'm being taken to dinner. This is what I live with. This is why I took the ball and ran with it re: my birthday plans. I couldn't leave it to chance or Its mood. Deserved a nice evening, so we had one. No, it isn't easy, yes, it IS worth it.

BIG NEWS: It goes in hospital 10-20. This is the big stay, one month. Either it comes out the other end or doesn't. Here is where the rubber hits the road and I become an island with the weight of the world on my shoulders-i.e. Stoney. Hope I can be a good Father/Mother/peep. Thank God I have my people with me, I'd be crushed if not. They kept me from doing what I wanted to yesterday. REALLY kept me out of my own way.

(don't think the waitress will ever be the same, $40 tip on a $50 tab). Hadda share the celebratory nature of the day!!!

the new 30?

IS 50 the new 30? Doesn't matter, I feel great.

Life is good, period. Life is what we make it. I like me, I like my life. Certain aspects suck beyond belief, but if I COULD do anything differently, I can honestly say I wouldn't.

day 72

so, how do you celebrate half a century, given my circumstances? Ummm...lets see...RUN. Of course! THERE'S a bright idea. Did St.Francis, a bit renewed. Funny thing about this age, you feel you've lost the shackles of youth. All the time spent searching, when you've had what you sought with you all along. Now, just gotta live long enough to enjoy it.

Promise to myself to take less shit than ever. Easy to promise but....given I never took any shit to begin with, this narrows things.

Just opened an envelope from AARP. Funny God, real funny.

Would it be nice to have a party like others have, yes. Not in the cards. Instead, I get to play DEA with my son. Lovely.

fiddy

on the eve of the half-century mark, last big entry. "Defining moments."

1)Father's death: nothing like losing your father @ age 5 to make you grow up in a hurry.

2)NY World's Fair: the sixties were an amazing time to grow up. This event pointed toward the future. We went nearly every weekend.

3)St.Gabriel's School: growing, meeting friends, learning the dif between asshole/classclown/leader. Fights, laughs, sex, Brother James. Being an Altar boy. wow.

4)Bellefontaine: earning my wings in prep/boarding school. First independence, first beer, first drugs. First experience getting kicked out. Magic times. The beer in the creek, hockey, friends from all over the country.

5)Cathedral Prep: where I ended up after getting kicked outta prep school. New thug on the block. When they learned why I transferred, I got immediate bad boy street cred. Not always such a good thing.

6)Cathedral College: whatthefuck made me think this whole Priest thing'd work out????? Looked GREAT in clerical garb, esp meeting girls for dates in the parking lot. Real babe magnet. No joke, they loved it. AND, remember, @ this time I'd reached my mgw-maximum gross weight.

7)Grad school: When it all hit the fan. Got kicked out, sent to rehab, my real life began.

8)Teaching: my first post rehab career-not job. REALLY made me part of the world again. Now, you gotta remember, this was the late 80's, when chain smoking and shades didn't get you kicked out of your position. The Keith Richards of the profession. STILL made it into Who's Who In American Education. hee hee.

9)Counseling: started on a path that led me to here. Met some amazing people-and amazing assholes-thanks for firing me Nassau county, best thing that EVER happened to me! Where I met the person who was to bear my son.

10)Running: where my third life began and currently resides. Enabled me to reach spiritual heights I'd sought in the Seminary. Enabled me to meet amazing REAL people.

11)The NY Marathon: My first, my best. The Alley Pond Striders got me in, they own my (running shoe) sole. Bless them. Picked me up and gave me props. The kid from Queens runs the city, therefore, OWNS the city, MY city, MY NY. Did a shitload of other marathons, none compares.

12)Stoney's birth: for anyone who doesn't have a child, you don't know. For those that do, ain't it sumtin'?

13)Cancer: Shebitch lost It's mind, I lost everyone I knew-those I didn't lose believe I'm Satan. Again, see #10 and 11, they saved my ass.

14)The next century: spent 50 years getting this way, let's ride the wave.

***You'll notice other than my Father's death, not too much written about this. Not very defining moments. Death sucks, it hurts, but after losing your male role model so young, nothing comes close to that.

*****We have a speaker come in to do a group 3x weekly. His program is called "Happier Horizons," really good stuff, i.e. there's no such thing as stress, don't be a sucker etc.....the ONE thing I disagree with: why do we in this country have an odd sense of entitlement? Only in the US do we feel a God given expectation to be happy????? Happy is OUR job, God gives us life, the rest is up to us. Another thing I learned in 50 years!!!

day 71

St.Francis this am, cool, 50 ish degs. NICE. Knee ok, surprised. Think I could'a pushed the 1/2 a bit harder, but again, don't wanna get injured with a month to go. What hurt my time was: in a shit corral (if you can't get a good start, you're fucked), and, in years past I was running with someone. With no one to pace, you're fucked.

One day to go until the half-century mark. STILL reeling from having to play DEA @ Toxichouse, but someone has to. THAT'S what sucks, It enables him, doens't even ask the right questions, and I get stuck holding the parenting bag.

I've been quite fortunate to date. There's nothing I'd change in my life-not even It. When we were a couple everything was copasetic. That was then. That which didn't kill me...

Eager to see what the future brings. STILL feel like a 14 year old. My inner child always wins ;)

day 70

was tempted to do the Farley 5k race, but needed more miles, so did St.Francis. REALLY should'a taken the day off-day after a 1/2, but, gots'ta get them miles...mon.

Now for the weekend drama. Back to Toxichouse after the 1/2 yesterday. Stoney (used to be "keith," but you'll see as we proceed) and I were SUPPOSED to go to the movies, but he hit on Shebitch for $$$ and went with his peeps. It claimed he was going to the movies. I smelled a rat. I jumped in the vehicle and tracked him down. Guess what he was doing? Hint: One ____over the line sweet Jesus, one _____over the line. Yes kiddies, strike 2. BUSTED. And the best part, he hit on the idiot for money to fund his toking. So, he's grounded until he tests negative. I told him: "hope it wasn't good shit, if it was, it can stay in your system for up to 90 days)." Of course, I told him strike 3 results in his homelessness, he will NOT be living here. Not to mention the talk about: "If you get busted and the Nassau PD call, look forward to a few nights in Juvey, 'cause I ain;t bailing you out." Hopefully this'll make a difference. Grounding him sucks-he loves playing handball, but even he thinks it's fair. Killer part: Shebitch is strangely silent-didn't even question where he was going (when he asked for $$$). Fucking idiot. Hate the role this puts me in. I told him "putz, have you forgotten what I do for a living???"

day 69

did ok. Had the Grete's Gallop today. Stayed in Manhattan overnight, did the 1/2 in the am. Didn't do GREAT, last year came in @ 2:03, this year 2:11(which is open to question. 2:11 was my gun time, for some reason chip time didn't register, but it is what it is. If I passed mile 12 @ 1:52, how the HELL could it have taken 20 mins to run one mile?????). Didn't push as hard as I could've, wanna run manana, but did well. No walk breaks. Also, in the back of my mind, didn't wanna get hurt with a month to go before The Big One.

Hooked up with Tom, bless him. What a sweet guy. Really a heart of gold (whatthefuck is wrong with him???).

Had fun @ the race, also after, typical NYC shit, was crossing against the light-2 tourists next to me-they'd stopped. I looked @ them shrugged, said "this IS NYC," and proceeded. They followed laughing.

Missed the usual suspects, once upon a time this was a group race, but as they isolate, I press on. Oh well.

5 days

almost to the half century mark!

Today: my bro's/buds.

1)Elementary School: Dennis Hevia: through the wonder of Facebook, we're still in touch, amazing. My first visit to a friend's house (he had 13 pairs of sneakers-I NEVER forgot that), his dad was the landlord of the apartment complex-so he was The Man.

2)Dan Browne: In the Mass Prep School, he was a day student, his dad ran the hotel in Lenox. MAN did we tear it up!!! Used to make pocket $$$ raking leaves @ the hotel, then spend the $$$ on beer-watching Happy Days.

3)John Loewenstein: after getting kicked out of the Mass Prep school, for the activities Dan and I perpetrated (hee hee-no regrets there kiddies!!!), I met this freak who looked like Christ's stunt double. We had class nights where one assigned class had the run of the gym for a night, followed by pizza. I had a tape recorder, playing Dead tunes, he ambled up to me asked "You a Deadhead," and the rest was history. The beginning of a lifelong friendship, he was the best man @ my wedding-after a 10 year gap in our relationship. First guy to confront me about my drinking. Little did either of us know!!!

4)Bill Sharp: my college running bud. @ this point, Loewenstein and I followed each other to the College/Seminary, where I ran into Bill. As he was walking up the stairs I noticed he had a Fleetwood Mac record atop his pile of belongings. Of course I commented that it was "pussy music," after nearly coming to blows, we became fast friends. Sort'a like rams butting horns. Spent many wasted nights @ his parents' home in Bay Ridge. Helluva guy. @ this point it was me, Bill, and John.

5)After rehab, I was an island, couldn't hang with the peeps-I was undergoing re-puberty remember? So, I toughed it out.

6)Steve Alexander: God bless you. Quite possibly the straightest shooter I ever met, sort'a like Bill. Sort'a like John. Sensing a pattern here??? Never dealt with bs artists. Anyway, met Steve when he applied for a job @ MATC, I interviewed him, couldn't hire him-another candidate was more qualified. He called constantly asking if anything opened up. @ one point he made repeated calls daily. Bless him. We hit it off. There was SOMETHING that connected us. He was in recovery, so was I; he got me into golf, same taste in females, and...and...RUNNING! The only real difference between us was cultural. Wow. 2 weeks after I started walking a lap 'round the middle school track, started running a lap, then...a mile!!! THEN he calls, tells me he got me into my first race: COW HARBOR!!! Helluva guy. Finally hired him @ CATC, had the best of ALL worlds: best wife, bestjob, now best friend. At least one still is with me. I remember like it was yesterday, our first round @ VA, first race I actually passed him, day we hunted down Alien golf clubs @ Black Friday/day after Thanksgiving sale. Miss him daily. Steve, I owe you alot. My bro. Even Keith remembers him. Would give you the shirt off his back, yet kneecap your ass to get a stray golf tee another had left behind. A mentioned I loved Doc Gooden, he got me a Doc Gooden signed baseball and card. What a guy.

God gave me amazing people.