day 156

another year over.....a new one just begun.

Now we begin the mulling over of the year that was.

I'm quite satisfied with the way it went. Did I do everything I could to make each day a day of value? Yes. Did I somehow leave each environment I entered, better than I found it? Yes. Well done. Did I do everything I could to provide what Stoney needed despite overwhelming interference from Shebitch? Yes. Could I have done more? Yes, but with a non-Satanic spouse. My one source of guilt is all the father/son shit you see in normal families is displaced by the need for survival in ours. It is what it is.

My one source of pride, besides Stoney's avoiding prison, is the club. We've come light years from what it was. I know Deb will take the ball and run with it, knowing I gave it my all. Still, there are those who never get it, i.e. the assholes who didn't vote for Tom, or Vince. He actually uttered "another slow runner as president," to which I uttered "another finisher as President." The guy's a dick, what can you do. I DO wish some members would remove their heads from their butts. Lee, looking over every scene he encounters with a critical eye, just gets my goat. What a truly unhappy person. The problem is, people listen to him. They deserve what they get.

My other concern re: the year that was: love. Too little going around. People thought more of their selfish agendas than the big picture, that's sad. Love SHOULD triumph, people are fond of claiming love is forever, yet selfish crap takes precedence. Silly. Somewhere, someone is watching all this and cracking up, or shaking their head.

Saw Nine the other day, really brought alot into focus. There have been many I loved: Mom, Deb, Julia, Linda, Susan, Marcy, Li. Like the character, there were various "love relationships," maternal, physical, emotional, my muse.....each had their effect on me. If I hadda do it all over again, it'd be the same. Love happened, one had to give oneself to it. Unlike the character in the movie, I know bloody well the world doesn't revolve around me, and know my purpose here isn't to pursue my agenda. If this were the case, we should all erupt into flames, what hubris. On the other hand, also saw It's Complicated. It is indeed. Not going there, suffice to say, the title is very true.