Day 2025

Happy New Year!

Finally NOT doing the NY Eve run. Why spend that much when I'm not pulling in that much, also, the collateral expenses: room @ the Y + LIRR cost=comes close to $300. Rather TRY to sleep, note: TRY.

Last night, again, little sleep. If I hum, Stoney asks me to quiet down, last night (this am actually), he's up all night. Smoking and watching tv=sonic sounds from his room. Remember: if I hum I'm supposed to quiet down (I'm only the homeowner/parent/father), but he can be up all night with no regard to noise. His answer: the speakers are broken. Guess the speaker to the lower right of the computer screen indicating volume control is also broken. And Bitch's answer: "stop complaining (I complain? To do so I'd havta speak to them, a pointless endeavor I never undertake.,) I told you to get earplugs." Let THAT sink in, earplugs.....in my own home.....Makes you wonder who's smokin' in that shithole. Told you, Bitch IS useless. He's up all night smokin' and watching flix, Bitch enables. Good AA member isn't It? Got Alanon?

So, as for 2014, goodbye and fuck you. Shit year, but, I'm alive and healthy, and finished The Big One. Nothing else matters.

Happy New Year!

Day 2024

Brrr!

'Tis the season-to crosstrain. Got a brief run in yesterday, it was around 40 degs when I hit the asphalt. Looks like that's be the last for a spell. This am, sub 30. FUCK! Not to worry, crosstraining. Between the 2 gyms, I'm covered whenever I need to.

Day 2023

Pure, total Bitch.

Lets do the math:

-accuses me of leaving the gate I never use open.
-dog not seen for 2 days.
-my stuff is AGAIN moved.

Think this Bitch needs meds?

This am, 38 degs, BEAUTIFUL am for a run, felt good. Spin yesterday, GREAT start to a day. Good part of living with a sick Mental case: motivation to stay healthy.

Day 2022

Fucking Mental Case

Came in last night, mental case BLASTING music (this was 12 am), decorating...the day after the day after Christmas. PISSED @ me. Why? This time I allegedly left the gate open. The gate It uses to access the driveway to disrupt my den. The gate I never use, but hadda pay close to $2,000 to have repaired because the sick Bitch canNOT close it properly. But I allegedly left it open. THEN threatening to throw my belongings.......

go teach religion, Jesus needs you.

ho ho

Day 2021

THAT didn't last

Had ONE good day, then...

Bitch HADDA go off, again! THIS timer, my allegedly eating something from the fridge. Due to this latest allegation, I'm once again reminded of the extent of my alleged mental illness and likewise, need for therapy. Amazing. It accused me of (OMG) eating some veggies. THAT turned into my need for therapy, my abusive nature...you get the picture. All over...veggies (how important is it? Must'a been some million dollar veggies!).

...but I need counseling....

sick bitch

Day 2020

THAT didn't suck!

Got to Pedrito's early, in the highly unlikely event that they might wanna discuss the year. Nope. We're guys. We deal with the here and now. Bitch made it sound as if we hadda talk for hours, "you haven't seen each other since last Christmas....." Turns out we picked up exactly where we left off. No muss, no fuss.

The day went very well, not a cross word, no dysfunction. Bitch behaved. Nice. Highly unusuasl, but nice.

ho ho

thank GOD it's over.

Day 2019

Don't havta shovel rain

WAS hoping to get a Christmas run in, but alas, rain.....oh well. Don't havta shovel rain.

Went to a meeting last night, 5 of us. It was actually nice.

I miss my mother, she made the days what they were. an uptight woman who never relaxed, but brought the family together. something my brothers will never admit. But at least I got my brothers.

Bitch always asking if I called Pedrito, my eventual response, "this is obviously YOUR need (my calling him)." It has zero control over Itself (see: Its debts, spending, daily habits, no verbal filter, no parenting whatsoever, no wifely functions, useless homesmaker), but insists on giving me the third degree on everything.

ho ho ho

Day 2018

NOW I'm vehicularly challenged 'til Friday. FUCK!

1)Call Saturday, arrange a Monday app't, ask for and am promised a loaner.

2)Call Monday am, asking re: the loaner, prior to returning my rental, again, told it's no prob. Have vehicle towed.

3)Wait from 10:30-11:15. No one checks me in, no word, nothing. After 45 mins, ask wtf? THEN, I'm serviced.
4)@ that point, told there are no loaners, their rental company is out as well. @ that point I register my displeasure, ask to speak with a manager.

5)15 minutes later, I'm still sitting there. I ask who the manager is, he'd been in his office as I waited.

6)Monday pm, I get a call, saying 'we need to order parts.......they'll call Tues re: when to get my vehicle."

7)Tues, 2pm: "We need to order.......tomorrow we're closed....... Your vehicle will be ready Friday."

A WEEK FOR A BRAKE JOB?????????

LOANER???????????????????????????????

Oh wait, it gets better!

Bitch makes a big deal about buying a tree. WOW! You actually did something for the house. Finally. After spending $140 @ Big Lots on CRAP. THAT $$$ could'a been put toward, oh jeez, I dunno...OIL????? But no, bitch bitch bitch.

Ho motherfuckin' ho!

Day 2017

Amazing

Had the Jeep towed. Truck driver, in the program.

Get to the dealer, sitting for 45 minutes, nothing, as if no one noticed.

I get pissed, ask for the manager, told they'll let me know when he's in.

15 minutes later, I ask for him after, again being ignored.

The loaner car I asked for Saturday and confirmed minutes before returning my rental? They were all out.

Was this a clusterfuck or what?

So, rented another, at half the cost (and who's working @ the location? A peep fropm LGA). The dealer will reimburse through matching the cost of the daily rentals with free oil changes. The manager agreed, they fucked up. He stated-at the time-that since my vehicle was barely 3 months old, the repair would be at no cost.

We'll see.

Bitch? Again, moved my stuff. Fucking useless mental Bitch.

ho ho ho

Day 2016

Seamless

Yesterday was a challenge. On a Sunday, arrange a rental, make an app for repairs, get to work....all with no help.

Did it! Seamlessly!!! Damn I'm good!!!

Day 2015

Yin/Yang: Jeep was being weird, grinding noises, trouble reverse, etc.....typical used car crap. Lo and behold, brakes failed! fortunately, right in front of Toxichouse! NOT on the parkway, NOT in bumper to bumper traffic, did ok, thanks God!!!!!!! Made it to yesterday's race, no limping, thank you AGAIN God!

This DOES mean cutting into the bottom line, this won't be cheap, but, short term loss for long term gain. Hey, shit happens.

ho ho ho

Day 2014

Victory!!!!!

First run since ankle sprain. Local 5k. Didn't havta walk!!!!!!! NICE! Treated myself to a post race cupcake.

Last night, came in, Bitch wrapping presents (MIGHT wanna pay down your debts???). Makes a point to follow me upstairs to get PISSED that I (GASP) actually moved my guitar back to where it had been. Remember, It had moved my stuff juuuuust enough to make a point-the excuse? It needed to acces Its closet...the closet with PILES of CRAP blocking it. But It must move my guitar to........fucking mental patient.

Fuck 'em all, I ran. RAN!!!!!!! Feeling whole again!

ho ho ho

Day 2013

Fucking moron

Shit everywhere, now my shit in the bedroom moved as well. It's like a fucking plague. Best of all: it's ALL shit! This is a very sick person. Did I text It, raging that my things were moved? It isn't worth it, useless Bitch. Spend hours rearranging crap. THIS is Advent.

THEN, attempting to be human, asks how the Christmas party was. It's TODAY!!!!!

Day 2012

Ch ch ch ch changes!

Hours changed on a daily basis @ the newest gig. Good. Keeps me flexible. Nice to not have debts nor the pressure that comes with them. Credit cards paid off, no bill collectors calling. Mortgage must be paid, monthly bills keep coming. But I'm ok.

Two more days of Spin, then Saturday's 5k. We'll see.

Went into the den, stuff on my desk moved around. Fucking children.

Side door? Totally blocked. Bitch had bags if crap everywhere. God forbid you take 4 extra steps to the basement, or take Stoney away from his weed for 5 seconds. No, better to take the time to barge into the bedroom to make a point of disrupting my rest. Sick bitch.

but I need counseling

ho ho ho

Day 2011

Ho ho wtf???

Of course it's Christmas season, so of course Toxichouse is a fucking pigsty! Shit everywhere! The side door? Can't even THINK of accessing it-bags of Its shit blocking it (but I need counseling. When it's mere steps from driveway to the front door, you MUST detour through the den? but I need counseling. Blame not being able to use a tv for not putting order to a pile of crap in the bedroom. but I need counseling. Can't pay your debts, yet continue shopping for garbage you don't need. but I need counseling.....)

Fuck it, 50 degs, beautiful day. No rain. Hitting the gym.

ho ho

This just in

Things just ain't been the same

Bumped into a former work peep. Shit been hittin' the fan over there. Director STILL hasn't started, a.d. out on maternity leave, my a.d. was supposed to have moved to the Long Island location-but THAT'S on hold due to THEIR Director getting fired for hitting a patient.

Good, fuck 'em.

ho ho ho

When I was there, shit ran smoothly.

Day 2010

So much for THAT idea

Geico was supposed to send a check for the balance of the claim (that was Christmas shopping money). They called 3x claiming it was sent, unfortunately, to Toxichouse. In 9 months when It cleans out Its car I'll probably get it, maybe. Amazing isn't it. Can't even get fucking mail.

ho ho ho.

fyi: remember the bullshit about the upstairs tv? How It claimed since It couldn't watch tv, It couldn't clean The Pile? The tv functions. Pile STILL there. Hmmmmmm. Next excuse?

ho ho ho.

Christmas party this afternoon. Be fun to play guitar again!

While I'm On The Subject

Of course, Sybil has crap everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE!!! So, in the midst of all this, It Who has No Family has to tell me how to deal with mine, i.e. "have you spoken to your brother..." Now, think. If It was REALLY interested in facilitating familial harmony, wouldn't It have given him my number? You know, the same number It uses to send Vitriolic texts when It needs Its meds adjusted? Give that a while to sink in.

There It was, hanging with my brother @ Thanksgiving. Did It dial me up and pass him the phone?

Day 2009

Wow

Just checked my cable bill. Added $5 for "sports programming???"

Spin + weights, yesterday and today. Feeling good, ankle still sore. This still sucks. Permanent injury sucks worse.

Day 2008

Been a week, the ankle is sore. Def a sprain. Doc told me to stay off it. Right. Tough to live life that way, especially @ Toxichouse. Sybil putting bags o' shit in the way everywhere (ever hear of a fire hazard???).....try walking over THAT. Again, waitiong for A & E to film a hoarders episode.

Spin + weights this am. 5k nerxt week, that'll be my first run in 2 weeks. This sucks. ho ho ho.

Day 2007

Been a while, QUITE a while

Wonder where our Christmas tree is? EXACTLY where my birthday gift is.

It's been over 2 months. In the birthday card was promised a gift............STILL waiting. So, in view of the kindness and respect with which I am regarded, the tree is in the same location.

Fucking useless assholes.

This am, Spin + weights. Feeling REALLY good!

Ho ho ho

Day 2006

Ankle feeling better. Only a few days of nonrunning-Spin saving me, but able to walk sore-rather than pain free.

I hate this, but, it is what it is.

Day 2005

GRRRRR!

Amputation would be an option if.......

Fucking ankle kept me up most of the night. IF I was smart, I'd stay off it totally, but, if I can't run I Spin. Rather be crippled than fat.

Last evening Bitch was actually human. It was nice to actually converse with a person rather than a case. Stoney was wherever. Really miss having a son.

Day 2004

The List:

(what my son told me I'm not allowed to touch/use)

1)Anything in the fridge
2)Anything he arbitrarily decides I shouldn't
3)(refer to #2) toenail clippers

???

Last night I'm in the bathroom trimming my mustache. Seconds later he rushes in to see what I was doing, tells me he uses those scissors to trim his nose hair, and my use of it to trim my 'stache is "gross." My reply: "you use it for your nose, yet a mustache is gross???" Bitch's response: turns up the tv to ear shattering volume, rages about something It alleges I'd done years ago. Goooooood parenting. Got smoke?

A son telling a parent what they're allowed to do. Hmmmmm.

When he overtloads the breaker (PS4 in the bedroom + X Box. Smart), It asks him to go reset it, hios answer when It asks if he heard It "fuck off."

Nice.

Wanna spend a few days @ Toxichouse??????? Joni the madness! See what YOU'RE told you can't touch? See how long it takes for YOUR son to IMMEDIATELY follow you into the bathroom to monitor YOUR activities? (No, Virginia, @ my house you have ZERO? privacy).

Day 2003

OUCH!

Fucking ankle is killing me! Can't run, did a Spin class, then last night the hammer fell-couldn't walk without pain. FUCK! Fortunately, there's always cross-training!

This am, pouring rain, predicted to last (off n' on) through Thursday. Good. Make fixing myself up easier.

Day 2002

And awaaaaaay we go!

It has to let the dog out (we don't walk him. Why? We have a backyard to cover in dogshit! And now that I don't pick it up, can't WAIT 'til winter is over), MUST bust the bedroom door open to rage about not washing the dishes in the sink (???!!!). Sick Bitch. .......but I need counseling...............I feel a need to wake up they that sleep to show my anger....but I need counseling.........What WOULD JEEEEEEZUS do?

Something;s def wrong with the ankle. Did the 5k yesterday. That was the good news. Bad news: ran one mile, hobbled 2. Ouch. Fortunately, it was a community race, with a ton of walkers. Bottom line: I preregged, I did what I set out to do.

Unfortunately, limping sucks.

Day 2001

Just when you thought it was safe....

Came in last night, turned down the electric heater. 9:41, Sybil THROWS open the bedroom door. SCREAMING that I must do something everyday to make It crazy(er). ????? God forbid I touch anything @ the address where I pay the mortgage. So, It RAGES, on a tear about my "sex addiction,"
how my laptop @ the old gig was taken because of that (????? Sick Bitch. Sick DELUSIONAL Bitch), told It I offered to call my boss and have It verify what transpired. Never let truth interfere with psychosis eh religion teacher? (79 hits to date on Youtube, and not one can believe they woke me up for that horseshit!).

So, from the same people whose son is allowed to call his father a faggot and pussy, last night add "bitch." Better, his mother repeates the phrase! GREAT parenting religion teacher!!!!! Wonder if Its friends know the son is allowed to do whatever the fuck he wants re: verbal abuse/complete lack of respect.

Re: Sex Addiction. God FORBID I look @ online porn. Yes, Virginia,  I masturbate. OH MY GOD!!! Speed dial a therapist!!! (Maybe, juuuuuuust maybe if Wife did Its Wifely duties I wouldn't havta jerkoff ???????? No, point to a sex addiction? This from a person whose idea of sex was to lie there soundlessly with minimal movement). All this in full view of our son-never heard of private conversations? Of course not, when you weren't properly parented how can you pass on what you never were exposed to?

Re: further allegations. It claims I should...... GOD FORBID, after 24 years of enabling the underserved to access treatment, I enjoy the fruits of 24 years of hard work? God forbid you acknowledge that.

Did It EVER point to that successful career? No. Instead, verbalize delusions re: what actually resulted in my retirement. Psycho.

As I receive e mails from my former students, does It ever point to THAT? No, of course not. Lives I've touched who, decades later, insist on showing their gratitude. Over years of teaching, children, now adults, who left imprints on my heart.

...but I need counseling.....

Day 2000

(been a long time hasn't it?)

Rain off and on, fortunately, for the race this am the rain held up. THAT was the good news. Bad news: rolled my ankle. Hadda walk the last mile. FUCK! BUT, I finished!!!!! This, sort of, fit the plan. I preregged so I'd havta do these races.

Tomorrow, dunno. supposed to do the second of a bookend of races (today was Hot Chocolate, manana Pancake 5k). Might have to walk it. Anything's better than Toxichouse.

Day 1999

No, you CAN'T make this shit up (so, check the Youtube site for the audio!).

Last night, Stoney playing video games, cool. NOT cool was his refusal to exercise basic decency-I asked him to turn down the volume. This was met with "I can't," followed by-among other things "I'll kill you." Good thing I recorded this as well as his other threats. When you check the Youtube site, check the timestamp: 1:17am!!!!! Yes, we don't sleep @ Toxichouse!

Add this to Sybil. IT was BLASTING music @ the same time!

Wonder if It's "friends" know of THIS level of dysfunction? (...but I need counseling, the guy who was attempting to sleep after 1 am).

What was Its reaction to this? SCREAMING that It told me to get ear plugs. Really. Like I said, check the audio. Don't address the problem (basic human decency? Keeping regular hours???). In fact, Its further response was to turn UP the volume on the music.

Day 1998

I've got to admit.....

It's getting BETTER!

Temps upper 30's today, delicious running weather. Good thing-manana into Saturday: rain. No worries, couple'a 5k's for the weekend (preregged=MUST run). Also, this weekend is the frick n' frack weekend: Hot Chocolate 5k Sat, then Pancake 5k Sun. Remember when Stoney was human, brought him to the pancake run, looked @ his plate, thought he ate sausages. Turned out he hid 'em in his napkin. Cute bastard. I miss him.

Waiting for Spin in a few minutes.

Day 1997

2 fer!

Got Stoney AND Sybil up on Youtube! He bursts in (sensing a pattern here?) after work, asking if I'd given Sybil $10 for the pies I ate (#1, like I ate a pie? Had forkfulls, but a PIE??? #2, what is he, her broker?). THEN, Sybil trips as circuit breaker, goes into the basement to reset, comes up RAGING! As in: blood vessels in Its neck popping! I had the GALL to "clear the table" in the basement. Translation: It had shit all over the basement, including the workbench. I cleared Its shit from my workbench. So, as of now, 127 hits on the Youtube page, most asking if the two of them share meds.

Still riffing on Joe Walsh, WOW!!!!!!!

Prepping for the Christmas party, yay!!!!!

p.s. I can pay for the food I sampled from the fridge (inappropriateness aside) but you'll still be out of line.

Live laugh love!!!!!

Day 1996

:)

Joe Walsh @ The Paramount IS the cure for what ails you! Amazing concert. Referenced his attending Flushing H.S., started on time, got home @ a decent hour. Unfortunately, home is where fun goes to die. Sybil raging, as usual. Tells me-after telling me it was ok to eat a piece of whatever in the fridge, that I was lucky she approved it. (???? GOT Psycho?). THEN, tells me to buy my own milk and label it in the fridge. Let THAT sink in. Real family environment ain't it? Should Bitch ask before using my electricity? Fucking nut job.

Bruce was amazing, seeing him in Times Square was a treat!

Day 1995

:)

Broke 10 minutes in a XC 5k, nice! Especially when you're running single file for a lot of it-with chatters in front of you.

Over 1,000 hits on the Youtube page. Not one comment can believe Stoney isn't out of his mind. He's a wonderful human, just has zero boundaries. Not unlike his mother.

Chill today, fun this evening!!!!!

Day 1994

Yin/Yang

(check the Youtube page for sound, got 56 hits in 30 minutes on this one!). 12:14 am, Stoney BURSTS into the bedroom, fresh from work, PISSED. Alleged I ate 2 eggs (didn't) and called him @ 4 am, also, didn't. So, let that sink in. #1, why would I call him @ 4 in the am? And, why would I eat the eggs? (as if that would be a problem anyway? And, since when am I accountable to my son???). Like I said, check the Youtube page, your mind will be blown that he must've been hallucinating these things, and had the gall to wake his father up with this sort of bullshit. Not even capable of basic human decency? As if either matter couldn't wait? Fortunately, I didn't respond to his bullshit. It just isn't worth my time.

So, the Yang: first, the Youtube response is amazing! My peeps got to hear his bullshit and can't believe he would say that sort'a crap. Amazing. Imagine if his accusations were true. God forbid I have the balls to eat anything in the fridge? And if I did, do I answer to him? AND, if he has a question, he can't simply ask it, rather than BURST into the bedroom @ 12:14 am and wake me up????? They thought I made this shit up! This and Sybil's rants make great posts.

Seriously, I'd never treat my worst enemy as he behaves. Does the same to his mother.

So, again, the Yang: did the race this am, again, broke 10. Nice. In a cross-country no less, then, spending the day with my peeps. Does it get any better?

...Amazing, allegations of (GASP) eating 2 eggs from the fridge and calling him @ 4 am? This is amazing shit!!!!! Why would I even THINK of doing either????? And why would I dignify this bullshit with a response? Thank God for Youtube!

Day 1993

Nice!

Finished the work week on a high note. Got into a fender bender, no probs as the boss knows me-knows I don't fuck around. Another employee was suspended for a week after an accident. Nice vote of confidence. Also, the staff are always happy to have me on their work team, also nice. This is the reaction wherever I go. One more person tells me "you're an inspiration" and I'll give them Bitch's phone number. This is the feedback I SHOULD get @ home! Fuck it, I had a good week. Also, they're downsizing, yet I get more hours, they know what sort of employee I am. Nice.

Add that to a spin class to round out the week, and I did ok.

Bitch? Out, again, for the night. Does it GET any better?????

Day 1992

Thanksgiving? Just another day. They went to my brothers, I went to feed the poor then went to work. YOU tell ME who did Jesus' work?

Came in, It was out for the night, Stoney doin' what he does. Perfect. At least I had a quiet night. Thanksgiving sucks, but I got to hit the gym in the am.

Can't lose the sting of Bitch yelling that I should have 3 jobs. This Bitch IS nuts. THAT'S what JEEEEEEEZUS would do????? (as I walked into a "house" with the floor littered with garbage. Bitch cut flowers, left crap ALL OVER the floor. Fucking pig.).

Happy holidays (56 days since my birthday promise of a door. Like it's ever gonna happen. I really wouldn't care, but if you promise as gift, fucking produce it!!!).

Happy motherfucking holiday.

Day 1991

Not too shabby!

The shit weather wasn't THAT bad, mostly rain. did ok. Spin in the am replaced lacin' 'em up, but my knees thanked me!

Turkeys ready!!! Today we do God's work!

Thank you God for my wonderful mother, who set an example for us all, my brother who helped us through too many life crises, and my father for instilling in me a backbone!

Day 1990

Here it comes!

Rain this am, snow this pm. This IS the season.

And yes, Nov 26, fifty + days, still waiting to see any trace of my birthday gift (wouldn't it have been less painful to just give a card rather than promise a gift that never materializes?). Wouldn't be a problem if not for the fact that it's yet more proof that nothing is ever accomplished. Big surprise.

Defrosting the turkeys should be finished, gonna marinate them, then get ready to cook. Really the true spirit of giving thanks to give to those less fortunate. What it's really all about!

Day 1989

Yay!

Upper 50's, PERFECT for The Line. Good news: after a good run, nothing can hurt, despite Stoney and Sybil's words this am, very unkind. But they do their very best, having overcome alot, we all have much to be thankful for.

Speaking of which: who do I hang with yesterday? A 3 years older version of me! For some time, some of the shop drivers have been "odd." What I mistook for an attitude was...an attitude: mine! A REAL Newyorican attitude, as in: "if I don't know you, I have nothing to say to you." This guy, it turns out, did The Marathon, exercises regularly, and knows what it's like to live in Toxicity. We both think the world of our wives and sons, and both deal with their anger. We both work out, knowing we must take care of ourselves since no one else will. Nice to meet a real peer! Best of all, lives 2 blocks away!!!!!

Live laugh love!

Day 1988

Progress?

Did the 10k in Long Beach. THOUGHT I was doing well, until I got to the 5k split, over 10 minute pace????? I started mid to back pack, so I hadda do something. Really don't give a shit about speed, that's the beauty of being a marathon runner. BUT, still wanted to do better than 10-ish. I came in @ 9:57. Good. Had a GLIRC peep pacing me, without their knowing it. We chatted off and on, kept 'em in sight.

Rain slowing, gonna hit the asphalt. Making it a great day!!!!!

Day 1987

Feeling good!

Despite domestic obstacles, Stoney being odd(er) and Sybil raging, things are looking up.

This am, 45 degs, perfect for a flat 10k. Later, hooking up with the peeps for some hunting, then watch football. Can it get any better than this?

Day 1986

Yay!

Back in the saddle today. This week has been a running shipwreck-cold, so was crosstraining. This am, race day. A 4m today, a 10k manana. Nice. Nice to be back where I belong.

Came in yesterday, shit ALL OVER the floor-as in: couldn't walk from one side of the bed to the other. Fucking pig.

Day 1985

!!!

Not everyday you get to meet a hero!

Went to see Ace Frehley last night. Fave venue, one of my fave artists. 4 of us having dinner @ the restaurant down the block, who walks in? I was wearing my Frehley's Comet t-shirt, he pointed to it, we fist bumped, he signed the shirt! Niiice!!!!!

Can't wait to see Joe Walsh!

All this because of my "make believe friends." Really heartwarming! Retirement is good!!!!!

Day 1984

Comb?

In his latest acting out behavior, Stoney took my comb. Got weed? Amazing. What I ever did to deserve this, I dunno, But how's college goin' kiddo? You have your mother's displacement gene! Get mad @ daddy (you know, the person whose family you use for holidays?), while he works to pay the mortgage. Yet, what does daddy get in return? It's now 48 days since my birthday, where's the door?

Fat fucking chance I'll lift a finger here. Try walking the dog YOU wanted. Bitch about his getting loose, yet if he was taken for a walk the getting loose shit would be a moot point.

...but I need counseling.....the guy whose stuff is fair game for abuse, but if he so much as thinks of touching anything, legal action is threatened. Go for it. The judge would recoil in horror when he sees the bedroom with its piles of crap, the living room with its piles of crap............

I can always buy another comb, you'll still be a brat.

Day 1983

Brrr!

Cold! BUT, had an EPIC day! Driving these vehicles is really a kick! Can now say I've driven EVERY car except a Tesla!

Best of all: I walk in, It rages about owing It $$$ for the cake and pie I ate. Yes, Virginia, Bitch IS nuts! When It pays me for the electricity It used, the cable It watched, the home It abuses, I'll pay. Imagine being asked to pay for food that was in your fridge? Now extrapolate: think I actually ate the entire pie and cake? Maybe a fourth, so one fourth of $4??? As if??????????????????? Fucking Psycho. Wonder if Its friends really know? Of course not, all they get is the Psycho-distilled version.

Enjoy the day kiddies, you KNOW I will!

Day 1982

Happy Birthday!

Note: it's been 6 weeks, any sign of the door? It's in the void. Didn't REALLY think THAT was gonna happen didya? More empty promises.........(what WOULD JEEEEEEEEEZUS do?).

But I come in yesterday, my bathrobe on the floor leading to the crypt/basement. But It LOVES sending psychotexts about.  My fucking with Its things? Right. As of now, over 1,000 Youtube hits on Its latest food rant. Think maybe It needs an OA meeting. Last evening, raging that I owe It a pie and a cake for eating all of what it had in the fridge. In truth, I had 2 forkfuls a night, WOW. Call the lawyers! Remember when it lost Its mind about my having soup? The SAME soup It said I could have? ........but I need counseling......

And yes, despite the rain, got my miles. Better than listening to a nutjob rage about nothing.

After, we had our first Christmas party practice. Really gives you the spirit of what it's all about.

...but I need counseling.....

Day 1981

Good timing!

Raining this am. After doing the 10k yesterday, works out well: forced rest. Bumped into 2 peeps, hung with 'em most of the day.

Over 300 + hits on Youtube. Why? Guess who lost their mind, again? Psychobitch tried to text and call me more than 5x yesterday! CanNOT realize It's number is blocked from my phone, goes directly to brotherfromanothermother. This in turn is thrown on my Youtube channel. Most comments focus on "missed her meds-again?" I wish it was that simple. It FREAKED over some trivial crap, food or something. Real good "sobriety" there ("How important is it?") Hubby eats some food from the fridge, so, lemme harass him via phone. Amazing. THIS is what JEEEEEEZUS would do? THEN, disrupts the den, again, to leave Its mark. Adding to the fun, Stoney fucks with my coffee. Good, enjoy. You can fuck with my things, but you'll STILL be a Psycho. You can fuck with my things, but you'll STILL be a spoiled brat.

Best of all, they regularly violate my privacy, and read this at least once a day. How else would they know what they do? Thanks Keith!

Live, laugh, love!!!!!

Here's the thing

You can fuck with my things all you want (I can buy more), you'll still be a PsychoBitch.

You can put all the bills you want on the fridge, you'll still be a PsychoBitch.

You can teach all the religion you want, then abuse your spouse, you'll STILL be a PsychoBitch.

I've been sober for 29+ years. Good parenting, education, and sobriety have taught me much. More than forcing myself to stay awake to process Avon orders, drinking too much coffee to do so, then taking sleeping pills. THEN claiming years of sobriety. (by the way, how'd that Avon thing workout?).

What I REALLY love: It enjoys speaking of the success of others, then comes in and throws my marathon mementos to the ground. Got Psycho?

Queen of displacement.

I really miss the person I married.

And if I hadda do it all over again, I would. My wedding day ranks as one of the three best days of my life.

Unfortunately, I seem the only person who takes the phrase "wedding VOW" seriously.

No matter. God knows wassup, you know, the God It attempts to fool. (Like that could happen? Fool yourself-i.e.keep hair coloring despite its link to lumphoma, but God knows wassup).

In the meantime, I'll keep doing the right thing. I have sobriety, I have the love of my mother and father within me. I have solid education and years of a profession which enabled many to get their lives together.

Day 1980

;)

Spent a BEAUTIFUL day with my make believe friends!

Hung with Walcott during and after Spin. bumped into him @ the gym and we decided to make a day of it. Really nice. We compared running and golfing tips, then hit The Links. Compared notes on the beauty of the freedom of retirement. Nice. what slays us both-he has the same situation @ his crib, neither Psychobitch realizes what we earned was EARNED. Sybil, literally, gets pissed that I did ok. Never mind over 2 dozen years of work-as opposed to its habits (staying up too late, sleeping lateR, then amassing bills from which you expect ME to rescue you. Good luck with that. Who pays the taxes? Wanna pay your own?).

A very nice day.

Of course, The Religion Teacher put an end to that. Came in pissed at something or other-never can admit It fucked up financially so gotta get pissed @ me. So, fucked with my things (I should text It a psycho text, but then, I'd havta teach religion). Remember, if I touch, literally, ANYTHING IN MY OWN HOME, I'm threatened with legal action. So, the toilet was full when I came in, left it. It tapes a bill to the fridge. Why? I suppose I should tape my bills to the fridge? Think that's how bills get paid? I always thought you worked, you got paid, you paid your bills. didn't know about this fridge tape thing? (using a "pray for vocations" magnet no less. Ironic. Think Jeeeeeeezus'll pay the bills???).

Live, laugh, love!!!!!

Day 1979

Zero

Zero credit card debt. Zero debts period. AAA credit rating. Nice.

Spent the day @ the cabin yesterday, Penn was beautiful. 2 inches of snow, but made the deer hunt challenging. This place is truly gorgeous. Retirement DOESN'T suck. Then, back to Toxichouse to attempt to sleep, note: attempt.

Peep came through with Joe Walsh tix!!!!!

Day 1978

No, you CAN'T write stuff this good

Yesterday morning (6 ish) hear the bong perkin'. Next thing, I'm being torn a new one for "stealing socks." Stoney accusing me of stealing his precious socks. Now, let that sink in. 1)WHY would I do that   2)THIS is what a son does to his father?  3)He follows this by calling me a "pussy," and threatening to fuck with my belongings if I didn't buy him socks. Again, let THAT sink in:

1)no respect
2)CHILD threatens PARENT?
3)Mother? What is It doing during this? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. So much for teaching religion; "honor thy father and mother?" Has no problem honoring mother as It does whatever the fuck he dictates. But "father" is "a pussy." (ran HOW many marathons????? Had HOW many successful careers????? Lost HOW much weight????? Provided treatment to the indigent, giving them a chance to get their lives back on track, for HOW many years???? Whose benefits kept his mother alive????? Tolerated HOW many years of his bullshit????? But I'm a pussy. Smoke some more. It's doing wonders for you. Keep coughing.
4)He works @ Target. TAKE SOME WEED $$$ AND BUY SOCKS!!!!!

(...but I need counseling.....a child who has zero respect and no concern for boundaries, and a mother who does absolutely nothing about it) Nice. Makes a guy feel really good about working. Wake up in the am and have what came out of you call you a pussy, come in after work and find the situation described below:

So, I come home, he DID in fact fuck with my things.
THIS is REALLY funny since both he and his mother love breaking my balls about the locks on containers in the den. NOW you know WHY the locks are there. Keep offspring from fucking with my belongings.

The sad part: no consequences/responsibility. His mother used to get a kick out of breaking my balls for the locks, without once acknowledging WHY they were in place. Like I all of a sudden decided to lock everything?

Of course, Stoney mimics Its shit, so HE has to fuck with me.

Plain truth, I never ever touched his socks, couldn't give less than a shit. But in his weed addled mind, I'm a pussy. So, fuck it. He's out of both my will and insurance.

Payback's a what?

If I die, he gets ZERO, and the house will go into default.

So the question: what keeps me going? Can't let negativity ever affect me. I've come WAY too far in life to backslide. I came from a mother and father who worked VERY hard (something rarely, if ever, seen @ Toxichouse, where people do pretty much whatever the fuck they want), and they instilled this ethic. As opposed to what I see on a daily basis. No cleaning, no cooking, no housekeeping. Nothing but attitudes run rampant. And when I vacuum the den, I get shit for it. So, both the will and insurance have been amended. Keep fucking with me.

Day 1977

(year I graduated high school)

So, 41 degrees to start. Tempted to spin, but a slippery slope. Manana it's s'posed to be cooler and rainy. and as you know, one day off turns to two days.......This, in addition to the last day of moderate temps being yesterday.....think I'll lace 'em up!

Tonight, buy the turkeys for the thanksgiving donations. Gonna be a great day!

Day 1976

It'll do

Did Spin this am. Rain HAD been predicted, instead, it was foggy and sloppy. No thanks. Fortunately, ran into a Big One peep @ the gym, he felt the same. He'd run Monday, so he was cross training. Worked for me!

Peep from the job died, unfortunately, found out too late. This am, had a msg from a work peep telling me of his passing. I'd spent the day mulling over whether or not to attend, turns out the service was this am. So much for the crack staff comm network.

Thanksgiving? Dunno. Working, but might be able to do the family thing. A coin toss really. We'll see.

Day 1975

Brrr!!!!!!

Getting ready to hit The Line this am. Temps in low 40's. Compared to The Big One, warm, but compared to real life, nippy.

But it'll be nice to be back where I belong.

Day 1974

Well done!

Did the run with my make believe friend yesterday. Did well, 4th in my age group, but more importantly, back in the saddle.

Came home, ("home" because it wasn't toxic. It was out), every door locked. Stoney being odd (er). Really kid, get a grip. If I locked every door?????

Day 1973

Here at last!

Bumped into a friend I hadn't met yet last night. Went to a meeting, Peep was wearing The Big One shirt, we started talking. Again, George Sheehan was right: "wherever there's a runner, I have a friend." Amazing, and very cool.

This am, finally back in the saddle, a 10k. Be nice to get back where I belong, missed running. A piece of me is back.

It? Another night away, didn't ask where/don't care. All I know: I had a peaceful evening.

Wonder if It tells all its friends it flies into psychotic fits if I have the (GASP) balls to enter my own home? Remember the night before the night before The Big One? Most important night of sleep? What did it do? Fucking nut job.

...but I need counseling.....................

Takes better care of complete strangers than it does Its own blood relatives, takes better care of their homes than It does Its hovel.

...but I need counseling......................................

Day 1972

Sooo close!

Almost done recovering from The Big One. This am, Spin class. Felt good to be there, but the same faces, the same places, no one changed. NOT a good thing. They do it to maintain, not progress. God only knows what they're eating.

It-out for the night. Thank GOD. Actually had a peaceful evening. Aside from monosyllabic responses when attempting to engage Stoney in conversation.

Day 1971

tgif

Another week of not losing ground, enjoying retirement.

Another recovery day-another nice benefit of running marathons-days you SHOULDN'T exercise.

Nice outcome to the vehicle repair. Dealer didn't jerk me off, problem solved. Had a loaner for a couple of days. a win win.

Day 1970

Happy almost Friday!

Making a recovery week easier, it's raining! Good. Hit Spin class again.

This Just In

Actually (GASP) entered where I pay the mortgage, It was home. Needless to say, angry I dared set foot. Can you believe this shit????? Actually have the balls to set foot in the same address @ which I pay a mortgage??? Ain't I a motherfucker?

...but I need counseling.......

"your honor, he had the temerity to set foot in HIS OWN HOME, in the daytime." OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!

...but I need counseling........

Day 1969

Progress (ing)

The good part of The big One: rest week. You really canNOT run, even if you wanted to. It's not unlike the day after Christmas.

So, yesterday hit The Park, met up with Stan who had my throw away windshirt. He and the peeps were @ mile 14, I was warm by then, gave it to him. contained within: my all important ugly as fuck orange DD winter hat-almost as important as the medal. Only a marathoner knows.

Came in, Stoney being typically bitchy (really kid, get a life). angry I kept the shower door open when I was bathing, i.e. "close the fucking door." A door he keeps open when he showers. Missed his midol. And college. And boundaries. And respect.

Day 1968

:)

Feeling better, after having had a day to regain sensation in my hands. GodDAMN The Big One was cold! AND, thank GOD I went to work after. NOT ceasing movement was restorative.

And yes, hit the Y the next morning. What the HELL is wrong with me? (oh, right, Toxichouse. where anywhere else is preferable).

Day 1967

WOW!

55 mph winds, blowing my ass all over the Verrazano; 51,000 people, amazing!!!!!

Once you started moving you were fine, and, thanks to my "you can learn a lot from a homeless guy" s.o.p., I was warm waiting.

What an accomplishment!

Made all the more amazing when you consider the shit I live in.

Remember Friday night???? Thinking the run was Saturday (get out much???), Bitch BLASTED music 'til 3 am in an effort to keep me awake, PISSED I'd actually had the balls to be there in the house I pay a mortgage on. Got psycho?

So, yes, I finished, yes I complete what I started, and yes, saw a lot of my friends (you know, peeps who actually DO something rather than feed off every intimate detail of another person???).

Day 1966

Brrr!

Today's the day. Downside: didn't see the cold coming. Earlier days had temps in the 60's. With wind chill, today will feel in the 20's @ the start. WOW! Naturally, this caught everyone with their pants down, so no one had Hot Hands in stock...except Walgreens! Yay! Found what I needed. Was so happy, got a snack for Psycho. Hey, everyone wins when there's good news!

Got my stuff, bus is rolling between 5-5:30, it's on!

Day 1965

Yin/Yang

All was going smoothly...until...UNTIL...

Went to The Expo. WOW! seeing the line to get in could make you wanna NOT do the run, but it's deceptive. Stupid long line (there ARE 50,000 peeps doing it), but it only took 30 minutes tops. Just very offputting.

On the way in, and through the expo, kept running into peeps, VERY nice. Though I DID miss the Paragon free lunch, that was always a highlight. Oh well.

Then...THEN...Shebitch struck! My brotherfromanothermother told me It was calling (It cannot internalize that I blocked It and Stoney's calls, they're passed to my peeps first.) So, It was calling, in typical psycho fashion, to tear me a new one about eating some stew. The SAME stew it said was ok for me to consume. The same stew it gave away to the neighbors. But for me to have some, It suddenly decided was wrong. Got psycho??????? Have some more sugar! THEN, blasts music well into the early morning, in an effort to keep me awake. Didn't work. Nice try. Tried to get me to leave, nice try. This from the same person who'd rather threw out a half dozen corn muffins, after they went moldy, rather than let me have even one. Hell, I only pay the mortgage. (can't WAIT 'til the fridge breaks).

Remember what's happening tomorrow, it's the only nutjob in the country who can't remember what day The Big One is. It thought it was today! Got psycho???? AND best of all, if it-and Stoney-weren't reading this, how would they know anything???? Got privacy???

But I need counseling......

And yes, the same tired bullshit. I need therapy since I'm addicted to internet porn. me and every male on the planet.

Perhaps if you fulfilled your spousal responsibilities, internet porn wouldn't be necessary???

...but I need counseling.................

(467 hits on the Youtube channel from last night's psychosis. Comments focus on: "what meds DIDN'T It take?"). and yes, every viewer wonders why they are so privacy challenged. Can't believe It teaches religion yet behaves as it does. Go Jeeeeeeeeeezus!!!!!!!!!

Day 1964

2 days

Until The Big One!

Ran yesterday, bumped into a Big One peep. We compared notes. REALLY great knowing I have peeps wherever I lace 'em up! THIS is what slays me about the Bitch's current/OUR former friends. I always bought the concert tix when we went out, they never did shit. NOW, I'm satan to them due to the bullshit Bitch told them???? One way gullible assholes. Meanwhile, my running peeps challenge themselves, DAILY accomplish more than Bitch does in a week, and ask for nothing in return. amazing.

Also, got a call from Football Dad. Really, the only dif between me and him is he's white. otherwise, we're quite similar. Life is good.

Day 1963

3 days until The Big One. Making progress.

Ran yesterday, will get my miles today. Picked up my latest vehicle, bought rather than financed (I learned my lesson.). Now the REAL news: come in, what awaits me on the kitchen table??? My healthcare info. Remember, I live in a place where everyone BUT me opens my mail.

...but I need counseling................

Day 1962

Close(R)

Couple'a more days until The Big One. Temps supposed to be dropping, snow possible Saturday. Bring it on! After resigning from a job I had for 24 years, losing a prized vehicle (for which I'd paid over $60,000-$450 per month for over 5 years!!!!!!!!), totaling 2 vehicles in 3 weeks...running a marathon will be cake by comparison.

Yesterday Stoney asks for a lift to work. I asked for the Netflix password, he answers 'Mommy pays for it." What's the dif? I pay for EVERYTHING. I will never ever again give him my password for anything. What a horrible thing to do, believe it, he's got a bit of an attitude. Call him "one way." AND, he then retorts with the tired bullshit about my not paying for family healthcare (after my mail gets opened by everyone BUT me. Remember, this is the prick who texted me about-gasp-alleging I took an empty bag from his room!!!). Take the weed money and spend it there if you're so interested. As your mommy drives your car.

...But I need counseling........................

What I love, among other things, is the attack on my watching internet porn. #1: like anyone has a right to screen my online activities, especially something that came out of me????? Got boundaries? (but I shouldn't set foot in his room???). #2: if your mother met Its wifely duties, internet porn wouldn't be needed.

But I need counseling......

Day 1961

Amazing.

Stoney asks it to turn down the tv, it does. No earplugs, no nothing.

5 days until The Big One. Nothing else matters.

On my way to the job yesterday, one block away, BOOM! thank God I have great insurance.

Day 1960

Amazing

Got in  last night (5am actually), Stoney blasting tv, having an attitude. Asks me not to steal his socks (???). When I go to sleep, ask him to turn down the tv, he doesn't. I go downstairs for the couch, It angry, tells me I should get earplugs. Yes. Really. Can you believe this shit????? Doesn't  mention anything about common courtesy or even basic respect, no, I should get earplugs.

But I need counseling......

Fuck 'em , 6 days until The Big One. Nothing else matters.

Hope they enjoy reading my blog, you DO realize I have ZERO privacy.

...But I need counseling.....................................

GoodER news: ran into peeps both before and after this am's run. 6 days to go.....

Day 1959

All Saints Day

PsychoBitch makes posters for religion class, All Saints Day. last night, I indicate hadda be up early for a Manhattan Race/could It PLEASE not BLAST the radio. Of course you can guess the reaction. It was approximately 9:30pm, I needed to wake up @ 3, It made a point to sing (off key of course) @ the top of Its lungs, after I asked It to turn down the radio. It had had either coffee or something, and was off the deep end, baiting me. @ one point, an inch from my face screaming as I lay in bed.

All Saints Day? Go Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeezus. You can keep the Bitch. Fucking hypocrite.

But I need counseling..................................................................

Day 1958

Sucks for her

DP had colon cancer, spread to her liver. Jeeeeez. Suuuuuucks.

Crisp, cool temps, perfect for running. In a couple'a days 65-70. Wow.

DP's shit really puts things in perspective.

What a fucking year.

Day 1957

TRIED Spin class, fucking instructor didn't show. Me and another peep did a self directed class.

Rain preempted any thought of running.

The good news: It did something!!!!! After 3 weeks, The Pile of clothes on the side of the bed (on the floor) is actually moved.....to the pile of clothes blocking the bedroom window.

But I need counseling....................

(and what was to blame for The Pile not moving? "If you left the remote I could'a watched tv and the pile would have been put away.......")

But I need counseling.........................

Day 1956

The more things change...

In AA there's a saying, "went back to the bar, same asses on same stools..." this is true in life as well. Went to the library to copy my confirmation for The Big One, ran into Gilda and Glenda. Asked how the office was going, same stories, same shit. Miss the peeps, don't miss the bullshit. Going out daily to try try try, all too oftrn with zero net gain. No thanks.

This am, more rain, Good. Spin is there to rescue me. My only concern there: when the instructors tell me "haven't seen you in a while" (a kind comment, nice to be missed), my response is always "it's raining, otherwise I'd be running," or "you ever notice nobody changes here. No one's weight goes down?" Spin is great, IF you apply yourself. Few participants do. Most waste their time kidding themselves that they're actually doing anything constructive. They stay in their comfort zone.

And no, the piles of crap haven't moved.

Day 1955

Hump Day!

And an unplanned rest day.

Rain, yech, but, it could be worse. DP has colon cancer. Think I got problems? Nope.

Spin instead. Gotta go with the flow.

And no, Its suitcase from Its August trip hasn't moved from the side of the dining room table, after 3 months. and no, the pile of clothes on the side of the bed-now on the floor-hasn't moved in over a week. Fucking pig. But I get interrogated re " why do you, why haven't you, why is this?" It's on steroids, again. Wonder why its crazy? But I need counseling..........................

Day 1954

Did ok.

Hadda go to DMV to get a dupe title, not too bad. THEN, look for a replacement vehicle. Got a hold of something, we'll see.

BUT, first thing in the am, IT. Again, went totally nuts, confronting me with porno It claimed I'd viewed online. THAT was one of several things it rages about. Of course I told it to do what It hadda do.

Imagine a judge's reaction "your honor, my husband was watching pornography online." Spare me.

This am, cool, crisp, great for running. Of course It and Stoney have heaters on. Typical.

Day 1953

;)

Finished the weekend on a high note.

First, it DIDN'T rain-always good. Second, after only a mile the day before, (did I mention I won in my age group?) got needed miles in-on a crisp cool morning. Nice.

Best of all, left before It woke up, came in when it was sleeping!

Starting today on a high note!!!!!

Day 1952

Shit to the left, shit to the right, stuck in the middle with you

Came in, It went (again???) to a yard sale (last thing It needs is MORE crap). This translates into: crap EVERYWHERE. I had to leave the house to get some air. What a fucking psycho!!!!!!!!!

The best part: It questions ME!!!!! Like It has a right?

Arose this am, It has the tv on, eyes closed. I shut off the tv off, It awakens from Its coma raging. You'd THINK rather than laying around like a fucking vegetable, It would clean the fucking debris It left everywhere. Nope, better to try to call me raging about something It can't find. What a TOTAL fucking mental patient. Best of all, minutes later, It shuts the tv off! You STILL think I make this up? Check the Youtube site, look for today's post, you'll see the whole thing. Thank GOD for digital recording.


So now, as of 6:30 in the am (you know, when the rest of the world is waking up?) It goes to sleep. Poor thing. Eat more candy, your dentist will love you.

The good news? Did Rob's race, actually placed in my age group!

Day 1951

Yin/Yang

Came in last night, It-literally-following me up and down the stairs RAGING. Same old shit, but this time It added threats of posting my alleged internet use all over. Go ahead.

Now, wonder, how would It come upon knowledge of what I allegedly view online? Right, my own son. Now, again, wonder what would posess him to do such a thing? What would posess anyone to thusly violate another's privacy? THAT'S the real issue. But THAT would involve parenting vis a vis boundary issues. Remember, He alleged I went into his room, meanwhile, has no problem screening my alleged internet use.

And, the internet use is about porn!!!

So, go ahead, post it, tell the world! I look @ porn!!!!! Amazing.

Can you imagine using a son to gather alleged dirt on the father? But I need counseling...

So, this am, ran with my peeps. Wonderful people. Was really nice.

So, what have we learned? Fathers have no right to privacy. They that look @ porn need counseling, and children have every right to have zero respect for boundaries.

Insanity is?

Doing the same thing over and over, expecting dif results.

It canNOT internalize: Its calls are BLOCKED. Just got a message from brotherfromanothermother. It called questioning the whereabouts of a shirt It had in Its closet 3 days ago. Let that sink in. Shipwreck asking ME where Its shit is?

But It STILL thinks my phone accepts Its calls.

As though I actually gave a fuck about Its shirt?

Meanwhile, It had taken several of mine-but that's ok. (Unless It suddenly got a job @ Creedmoor, custom printed black shirts, or developed a taste for Led Zeppelin?).

But I need counseling.

Remember when It got flats? Alleging I'd vandalized Its tires? My response: "I wouldn't waste a nail."

What a fucking psycho.

Day 1950

Defjam!!!!!

My Make Believe Peeps @ CID hooked me up with tix for DefJam's 30th @ The Barclay's. they took their kids, I brought Pret. They'd seen the Youtube post, they knew about Stoney's behavior. Wish he was with me, but he really has to learn common decency. I.E. the other night, I came in @ midnight, den was a mess, started vacuuming. Both he and It got on my case-remember, It had vacuumed @ 1:30am as I tried to sleep (got Bipolar???), but when I do so it's an issue-despite both of them being wide awake.

So, we partied @ The Barclay's. DMX was amazing, really a good show. Best of all, no violence!!!! Pret drove, thank GOD. LOVE Brooklyn, hate the drive/parking.

Got Mail?

Stoney contacted me the day before re: accusing me of going into his room and taking an empty bag.

I come in yesterday, an invitation is waiting on my placemat to celebrate the centennial of my high school.

It HAD been in an envelope.

That envelope was torn to pieces in the garbage.

Hmmmmmm.

Got privacy???????????????

...But I need counseling..................................

Day 1949

900!

Over 900 hits on my Youtube page re: the invasion of privacy @ Toxichouse. Wow.

Spoke @ an anniversary last night, went well.

Got my miles yesterday am, again, funny. When you get your miles, after that, nothing can bother you. Came in, It went to a yard sale (like it can afford more shit?). The result? Piles of crap everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE (how the FUCK can you be such a pig?). Shit on my pillow, all over the bed, all over the floor, literally EVERYWHERE. It was sitting @ my spot @ the dinner table, eating. of course I pointed to the 3 other spots saying "good thing I need counseling or you'd have nowhere to sit." This as Stoney sat playing video games, going thru the den to smoke with his peeps. Ahhhhh, home....

Thank GOD I'd had birthday dinner # 3 with my peeps. After they heard the bullshit I went thru with the food in the fridge, they took me to Ruth's Chris. Nice.

This am, teaching a class, be nice to see my peoples.

CurioSER and curioSER

Thought that shit about my son screening my internet activity was weird? It got better!

It comes in, with the older woman It tends to in tow, asking "how long will you be around?" "Why?" "Because she's uncomfortable with you here."

Yes, I should be made aware that someone unrelated, who means nothing whatsoever to me, is uncomfortable. And THEIR feelings are more important than .......I dunno.....ME?

Really, Toxichouse, where 2 + 2 = 5.

Amazing.

Day 1948

?????

So, I come in last night, have a few forkfulls of chinese food. Mistake. It RAGES!!!!! "Give me $ for food etc... "  (as it watches the cable I pay for, using the electricity I pay for, in the house I pay for.)Meanwhile, Stoney was sleeping on the couch (It was 1 am). Of course It canNOT speak in a normal tone, of course as a consequence of this, I again am reminded of my need for counseling (IT'S freaking because I had food from the fridge and I need counseling?). Of course, Stoney's breaking into my computer, monitoring my usage, telling It of my porno site visits, all that equates to "you have a sex addiction and need help." Ok, I look @ internet porn etc... Yes, I jerkoff at least once a day. That makes me an addict? If It was at all useful sexually would there be a need for internet porn? Thank GOD I'm healthy, with normal testosterone and hormone levels. No, that gets translated into my need for counseling, now, for sex addiction???

Oh, and "parenting?" No consequence for the son violating the father's privacy????? No, I don't have that right.

PLEASE take me to court. Tell the judge I jerk off. Tell the judge your son regularly violates his father's privacy (while you sit idly by and do nothing). Go for it!!!!!!!

Me and just about every other vertical male.

Amazing, fuckiong amazing. So nice to come home.

Day 1947

Irony

So, I'm out last night, brotherfromanothermother calls. I'd had my old phone # forwarded to him since all I got from Toxichouse were abusive calls-and he didn't mind being entertained by them (he saves them and puts 'em on his website. So far our dysfunctional family page has over 2,500 hits daily.). He called me saying my son was losing it. I was worried there'd been some emergency (THIS is why brotherfromanothermother gets calls @ that number, it's NEVER an emergency-remember when Sybil raged about yogurt?). He alleged I went into his room and removed a bag. Yes, went into his room and removed a bag. An empty bag. Of course I did neither-as though that would be a problem (ok to disrupt the entire house, leaving it a shipwreck, but...). Brotherfromanothermother was smart enough to call to follow up. I told him it was typical shit. Tried speaking with Stoney, to no avail. He was just plain raging. Pity. Wasted energy. Why I would do either is a mystery to me, and, saying the things brotherfromanother got to witness? He asked if Stoney was on meds. I replied of course not, he's a great person, but has his mother's problem with displaced anger. Brotherfromanothermother couldn't believe the attitude of disrespect. I reminded him I live with it daily, though will never return it in kind. Love conquers all.

His mother? Did the AA book all night, as It's son stayed up all night. Doing what? I think you know. Best of all, the person accusing me of violating HIS privacy (in the house for which I pay the mortgage), fucks with my computer. Go for it kiddo, can always buy another. Enjoy your anger.

Irony.

Good thing I'd changed my number, neither of them will ever have it.

Went to clean out the vehicle yesterday, was declared totaled. Who strolls over, a peep from Queens! He just happened to be in the 'hood!

Thanks God!

Day 1946

Whoops, there it is!

Got the call, vehicle is toast. Oh well. At least I'm ok.

Did the Half, did well, considering. Matched my best time there, only 2 breaks, ran consistently. considering the shit that was last week-a miracle. Considering the shit I live in, a miracle. Night before, Bitch screaming/raging about my need for counseling (that's what passes for "supportive spouse" after being involved in a major auto accident. It somehow has the right to scream like a fuckin' psycho, completely unprovoked. Makes for a good night's sleep before a major run). Thursday: car wreck. Tuesday: took a fall. Amazing I'm vertical.

Last night, no different. Bitch offering it's unsolicited opinion that I needed counseling, It's on a bit of a tear here. Happens cyclically. Needs more meds. I didn't say a word, but get this from the Useless Psycho. House is a fucking mess, It sits in the midst of it (went away for a week 6 weeks ago, suitcase is STILL in the middle of the kitchen). Amazing.

Last evening, retirement dinner, peeps be good!

You can choose your friends...............................

Day 1945

Told ya

All SEEMED quiet. Actually spent 6 minutes with Total Psycho Bitch in peace. Then...THEN...It went off.

We were in the bedroom, it rummaging through drawers getting what It perceived It needed for the night (a nightly ritual, you'd THINK it would take seconds. What do YOU need to get changed? Do YOU need to spend minutes going through drawers EVERY night? Of course not. but YOU'RE not a shipwreck.). I was on the other side of the bed, standing, waiting for It to get outta the way. THAT set It off. "You can't stand people looking at you (?????), " "COUNSELING!!!!! YOU NEED COUNSELING!!!" What a fucking mental bitch! I'm standing, silent, waiting for it to move. As a result, I get this? Not "how you feeling a day after the accident?" Fucking useless Bitch.

This am, Staten Island Half. HATE the drive, HATE the run, HATE the location. LOVE being away from Bitch.

Day 1944

Rain, not SO bad

Day before a half marathon, rest DOESN'T suck.

What DOES suck is not being able to chill @ home. @ Toxichouse, you wanna escape, not chill. With the air thick in weed scent, and Sybil (Ms.12 step) in the middle, it's not a nice place to hang. So, out I went. Had a nice day chillin' with my make believe friends, nice to have 'em when I can get outta myself.

Day 1943

Yin/Yang

Good news: got outta work early

Other News: Vehicle totaled.

Was no less than 5 blocks from home, asshole rushes outtta the right side into my passenger side, t-boned. I get pushed onto the median, head on into a pole, airbag deployed, thank God. I'm ok. Them: 3 Indians in a Corolla (insert joke _____). When the PD show up, they immediately indicate the obvious: "failure to yield" on his part, ditto from my insurance co. no shit, but nice to know anyway.

...so much for keeping a spotless veeeeehicle, lol!

Thank GOD for common sense: i.e. my insurance. There ARE cheaper, but none as user friendly.

Day 1942

Truth IS stranger......

So, Stoney now is a total smoker. Ganja wasn't enough, now in the am has to have morning coffee ("please don't drink the half n' half") + a cigarette. Nice cough developing. And Shebitch? Does nothing, but enables the fuck outta him. Regularly hitting those AA meeting, teaching religion, while Rome burns.

Oh, speaking of enabling of enabling? Yesterday, hoopty #1 reappeared, just in time for hoopty #2 to disappear. Guess it subsidizes the neighbor's repair business. The car it bought for Stoney (and pays the insurance) is having electrical problems ("oh, I love my moonroof."). Amazing. He hasn't driven it at all, well over a year, and yet it needs repair.

But I need counseling.

Day 1941

?!

"Please don't drink the half n' half."

Those are the words that greeted me upon seeing what came out of Plaintiff yesterday night. my response "you don't 'drink' half n' half, I used it in coffee." Amazing. "Please don't use my cable" should'a been my response, but it just isn't worth it. let him grow up not knowing how to share. When the fridge breaks, I will rejoice.

Got my miles, then it rained. Joined peeps for birthday dinner #2. Nice. That + concert tix-they were smart enough to NOT send them to Toxichouse, you KNOW where those'll end up?

Came in, it asked if I worked (I was wearing a blue shirt). apparently you must work to wear that color. Again, like It has any right to know anything.

Obsessed?

Btw, gotta love the preoccupation w/the den. Got displacement?

Yesterday, It went to do laundry, used the front door. funny. THEN, it was easier.

Get a life.

Day 1940

55 doesn't suck!

Did Stoney even bother to sign the card? Nope. Didn't lift a finger, but smoked up a storm. Can't wait 'til he asks for a lift.

The gift? A card with a note: "we'll buy you a storm door." We'll see when THAT happens. Eric would've solved the problem, but they interfered. Lets see.

Spent a terrific day. Slept in, met peeps for lunch as well as dinner. Really nice. And no, they can't believe Bitch allows Stoney to do absolutely nothing. He has it well trained.

Day 1939

Awoke to 16 birthday messages, nice.

Unfortunately, came in to Stoney smoking. Jeeez. When I broke his stones re: using the broken back door, "why don't you buy another one?" Yes, the kid IS clueless. THEY wanted a dog, didn't walk him as a puppy, threw him in the backyard to shit, didn't clean it up. Dog wants to come in, scratches the shit outta the door, door ruined. But I should buy another door. Got smoke?

Yesterday, did Grete's. did well, Especially for my age and condition, did VERY well.

Happy Birthday to me! Another year, getting better!!!

Day 1938

Brrr!

47 degs, perfect running weather, shitty standing around weather!

Got Grete's this am, good. Between today and next week, couple'a halves. This added to The Manhattan Run will serve me well for The Big One.

Day 1937

Happy Saturday!

Rain, so no miles, gym'd it instead.

Came in last night, it asked if I'd worked. My response "Did you?" As if it has the right to even ask?

Manana, a run we'd all done when we were a cohesive group, I miss those days...it is what it is.

Nice to actually chillax for a day, though rain DOES suck.

Saw Gone Girl w/my peeps, they said the same thing: "Sybil's in a movie?"

Day 1936

TGIF

A REALLY good week. Paid down my credit card, almost there! No charges, again. Making tangible headway in all aspects.

Physically? Doing really well also. Arms are where I want 'em to be. My knee was awful, walking was bad, but when I got my run on yesterday, all was well. Thinking it must'a been something like one of those chiropractic deals-you know, pops back into place? With the new gig, lots of knee twisting, no wonder.

This am, cool and crisp, gotta get those miles!

Got a call from a peep whose knee is out, causing 'em to defer the Big One to next year. Perfect example of my theory. Person was smoking me, running really well, but under meds for their knee. I'd rather work through it, as the meds mask the pain, during which time you can do some real damage. Such was their case. Unfortunately, this also means they can't run for weeks. I'd lose my mind.

Came in last night, Bitch sleeping. Up this am, Bitch still sleeping, great start to a day!

Day 1935

Again, let's do the math...

Yesterday, out of the blue, It calls, raging about tape I used.

Yes...tape.

I had books in a bag, protected from rain etc...It hadda take the bag, leaving books exposed.

Replacing the bag, I made it a point to secure the bag with tape.

Of course the tape had been in a drawer, used the last of it.

So, it's ok to intrude, disrupt my shit. But God forbid I actually (gasp!) use tape.

Call the a lawyer you fucking psycho.

Spin in the am (rained).

Had the first meeting about the promotion gig, nice, then to the cabin for the rest of the day, Really good peeps to hang with.

Day 1934

!!!!!

Been on this new gig a month, got promoted! Nice. Hard work DOES pay off!

Then, came back to Toxichouse, again, crucial error. Stoney sleeping. Hulk, sleeping. Few moments later, Bitch pulls in, garbage bag on the roof of the car, Stoney's car (It's car STILL in the neighbor's driveway). Why the garbage bag? Moonroof won't close, no interior lights (electric problem?).

So, let's do the math.

2 cars, neither works.

2 cars, both hooptys.

2 cars, between the 2 of them=one whole car.

Ripped off the property tax check, hope that covers at least the repair of part of one car.

Stoney? After smoking away summer, filed for college too late. Really starting to take after Mommy.

Sink full of dishes, he was supposed to wash them, It did. The great enabler. Good think it lives and breathes AA.

Starting to notice a trend? Everything It touches turns to shit.

Glad I got a promotion.

But you know me...I need counseling...........................

Day 1933

Coincidence?

Bitch breezes in, rages, blows out. I'm pissed It bogarted a $350 check It has zero right to. Hit a meeting, who shakes my hand? A former client. He said my facility changed his life. Nice. Really lets you know what's important.

Enjoy the money Bitch. You have $350 you have no right to, but you're still a Bitch. I changed a life.

This just in

Property tax rebate?

Long Island homeowners were mailed a $350 check. Hmmmmm, wonder where THAT went? To the person who pays the mortgage? Of course not. To the person who cannot do shit and cannot take responsibility for anything? Hmmmmmmm.

This, as the kitchen counter-going on 3 days, is sticky as shit.

Wonder where THAT $$$ went? Kohl's charge? Unique ("shopping is my hobby.")? Pay for Its car in the neighbor's driveway????? Pay for a new back door? Of course not, it's getting pissed away. GuaranFUCKINGtee it.

Free money. Must be nice.

Day 1932

:)

Did The Bronx 10m. Remembering George Sheehan "wherever there is a runner, I have a friend," I parked. Lo and behold (as though finding parking near Yankee stadium wasn't miracle enough), 30 mins before the race the guy behind me pulls out. there's always a few stragglers who DON'T get up predawn, and @ the last minute find a spot. Lo and behold, the guy was doing the race. Lo and behold we ran together (that's guy code for "we kept each other in sight," guys don't get that close). @ the end, we hooked up back at our vehicles! Spoke for a bit, agreed to meet later for lunch.

As if that wasn't cool enough, met my nyrr peep, guy always takes pix of me. REALLY a kind soul.

Wait, it got better, Bitch out all night, AGAIN! The house was a home!!!!!!

Got a call from Pret to close the day.

Oh yes, did well @ the run, just over 10 mins. Nice medal too!

Day 1931

Today will be GREAT!

Doing The Bronx 10m, then hangin' with my Make Believe Friends @ the cabin. Nice!

Bitch? Out. Blew in to rage, drag laundry through the den, basically, be a mental bitch. Then, didn't come back. NICE!!!!!!!

62 degs, weather PERFECT!

Predictable

a.k.a. same old bullshit.

Yesterday: breaking balls about the garage. Today? The den, i.e. everything would be easier if we had a washer and dryer...where? OF COURSE in my den! (who the FUCK puts a washer and dryer in a den? Especially when there's no water line??? As its car sits in the neighbor's yard for yet ANOTHER week. Keep that focus babe).

Now, remember. I told it-repeatedly-that NOT balancing a load makes the washing machine dance around the basement. Did It listen? No. Of course, everything is someone/something ELSE'S fault. amazing. So, the washer we DO have is (of course) broken. did It make any attempt to have it repaired? Of course not, easier to whine/bitch/displace. And the dryer? Who fucking cares. Put it in the same trash heap as the oven (another appliance It broke, but somehow, it's the machine's fault).

This, from the same person who had the responsibility of supervising the asphalt repaving of the driveway. Which is now pitched TO the house rather than away. THIS from the same person who blames cheap carpet (over $1,000 cost) for it buckling. Yes, It was supervising that installation as well-while I was working. Tell you, the individual is INCAPABLE  of doing anything to completion.

Oh yes, world hunger would also be solved if the washer and dryer were in the den.

Amazing.

Should'a, could'a, would'a.

As it trudges bags of dirty laundry through the den.Why? When the front door is steps closer? Because It is involved. You forgot?

Let's see what bullshit romorrow brings? Oh yes, I'm spending the day with my make believe friends.

Day 1930

S.O.S.

GREAT am, got my miles. Cool and crisp. Was especially nice as I got up late (r) than usual (6), late night. So, got my miles, met my peeps, saw a flick, then Toxichouse. Crucial error. It was home, tanning (what ELSE would a cancer person be doing???).

House is a mess, dogshit in the grass, it sits, tanning. After cancer.....

I hadda do the inevitable, had been postponing the grass for as long as I could (last cut before winter), but since the time was right, hadda do it.

It tells me LIPA called re: tree trimming.

So, understand, it sits, doesn't do shit, and tells me something needs to be done.

Same old shit.

And no, the piles of shit aren't moved, at all.

But we tanned!!!!!

Then It has the balls to ask what my work hours are? I responded: "what are yours?"

...But I need counseling.....

Day 1929

:)

Sometimes you just gotta....

Sucks that I never got a summer, but what the fuck. At least I have a life I can be proud of (take note Shebitch).

A very good week. Case in point. yesterday I waiting, got a phone call from Charlie, ignored it. then his boss Rob. Dayum. Guess the news of my resignation didn't reach them yet. I explained, they understood, they were really cool. Stand up guys.

I say "sometimes you just gotta," because initially it was difficult. In a year full of transitions, bidding them adieu wasn't easy. Would'a been easier ignoring them, but it wouldn't have been right.

Again, Shebitch, take note. It's called "responsibility." Unlike what I found when I came in last night. My stuff, again, fucked with. It needed a bag, so guess from whence it came? My stuff uncovered. Just gotta fuck with my things.

I'm happy with who I am, it would'a been easier doing as It does. Ignoring the matter, or better: blaming others. But no. Gotta do the right thing.

THAT's called "sobriety." Rather than talk about it, some of us live it.

But I need counseling.......

Day 1928

It worked!!!!!

Knee was KILLING me, was really afraid I'd havta take days off. So, hit the asphalt. Sure enough, it worked! Maybe shit hadda pop back into place. All I know, the knee has been trouble free since!

Ran into Tom (one of those "Make Believe Friends"). Did my run, saw his truck on the grounds of the old gig. Spoke with him. Nice.

Back to Toxichouse, Shebitch moving piles (good luck with that). And yes, the pile in the bedroom hasn't moved. See the blog for pix. Got over a thousand hits on that alone.

But I need counseling.....................

Day 1927

This doesn't suck!

Went to a meeting literally 3 blocks from Toxichouse-hadda, when I entered Stoney n' a peep were on the couch. Place reeked of smoke. Add that to Shebitch pulling in just as I was, fuck that. split, hit a meeting. When I entered, there was ONE person there. By the time the meeting ended, 6 of us. Perfect. a Living Sober (remember what that was like before your sleeping pills Bitch?) meeting. VERY good.

This am, 50 degs, going up to 75, perfect! Then, up to the cabin!

Day 1926

Sunshine!!!

This week is really shaping up. no rain in the forecast, getting my miles, "no sweat weather." Why "no sweat?" Cool temps in the am-around-so running is perfect!

Best of all, when I come home, It's sleeping. Not a peep. Nice.

Day 1925

Score!!!!!

Woke up Sun, raining. no prob. Remembered the past: rain in one place does NOT equal rain in another. So, off I went. Hit Queens, no rain!!!!!!! Nice! The club had its refreshment run, I (naturally) was finishing as they were starting. Brotherfromanothermother and his wife were walking. Funny, they show up only for the refreshment run. Can't afford insurance, yet can pay for races, whatever. Anyway, did my run, saw my peeps.

Lo and behold, texted re: housewarming! Rob and Helen. Really nice, THAT is what a house looks like. You know, people who actually give a shit! Not one person who cleans what the others ignore, not people subverting every effort to keep a place together. Two people who give a fuck. Take note Mental One!

Had a great time with my make believe friends.

Woke up, Psycho was out! Nice.

Stoney was sleeping, woke up briefly to use the bathroom. Great kid. Only concerned re: wassup w/college? But, since It SCREAMED @ me when I tried managing his homework, I detached. See the result? It needs to spend more time in the sun and the beach, apparently cancer wasn't enough. Don't clean, ignore your home, lie in the sun as dogshit scent fills the air. Don't lift a finger, spend all your time running the only person in the house who actually accomplished anything's name in the ground. THAT'S what JEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZUS would do? Good sobriety! Tell your friends. Oh right, they believe anything. Tell 'em about the piles of shit all over the house, as you critique MY shit. (especially love the attack on the locked boxes in the den. Ever wonder WHY they're locked? Ever wonder WHY Bitch magically had a bunch of my t shirts? Unless of course it magically worked @ CATC or wore size large Led Zep shirts. Of course none of that gets mentioned, only the stuff in the den-as chair frames rust in the driveway-after sitting there for years.). Amazing.

I had a great Sunday, Monday will likewise be positive.

Day 1924

This just in!

How does a cool day get cooler?

When I pulled in, Bitch had some old person in Its car. It pulled out. Last It was seen since. Guess it spent the night. Yes kiddies, I actually had a peaceful evening!!!

Would'a been nice to have Stoney home, but he's 19. he's gotta do what he gots'ta do! When I woke up he was sleeping on its bed/aka: the broken couch in the living room.

A very good Saturday!

This am? Showers off and on, let's try to get a run in!

Day 1923

VERY nice

Got a great call yesterday, the peep who got me in the last gig. Helluva guy. Reconnected with him this am. THEN, a run with football dad.

Makes the various transitions easier. Going from the last gig to today is a beautiful thing. Nice to have met so many GREAT peeps along the way, not just business related. And with this gig, nearly everyone with whom I come into contact is real. Nice. AND, the weather is great as well.

And it all started with a run....................

Day 1922

:)/:(

Jeeez! Real yin/yang hap'nin'!

Had a GREAT day! Got my miles, then spent the day with my "make believe friends" @ the cabin.

Unfortunately, that's where it ended.

Into Toxichouse, Stoney first asks me not to touch "his" peanut butter on the shelf in the kitchen (fine don't use MY electricity, don't use MY cable as you live in the house I pay for), after he drinks coffee from MY cup. He enters the living room mumbling about my having health insurance. Really?

How's College?

Driving?

Contribute to the 4 walls and roof in which you reside?

Eat some peanut butter, enjoy it.

And Shebitch? After training him with this script, not a peep. Of course not. THAT would be...what's the word..."Parenting?" What's that commandment about respecting thy father and...oh yeah! We only TEACH that shit!

Got my miles, had a GREAT day.

...Funny, never a peep about "you know dad, you haven't had a vacation in years." "You know dad, the world had a summer, you were too busy assuring we have a place to live and the bills got paid."
Nope.

But finger pointing we have down to a science.

Day 1921

Well done!

Bumped into a peep while getting my miles in the am. He's like a Jewish me, literally. We think alike, act alike etc.....The only dif: he has a family who gives a fuck, and he eats. So, we were running in opposite directions, we eventually hooked up. He thought my pace was good! From him, high praise. This is one competitive person. Nice. We are our own worst judges-runners are never happy with their performance-and with the shit I get @ home, really validates ya (run multiple marathons, lose a ton of weight,. have the mementos of these accomplishments thrown to the ground. Oh, by the way, those walls are still bare. Real homemaker isn't It? Must've been REALLY important to make those items disappear from the wall. Psycho. The icing on the cake, you can hurl my belongings to the ground, but you'll still be a bitch).  Today God put the right person (literally) in my path.

Oh,and Shebitch's car? (going on 3 months) STILL in the neighbor's driveway.

But I need counseling.

Live laugh love!

Day 1920

Typical

Good day, then came into Toxichouse, all WAS well. Stoney on the computer, Hulk @ his side.

Later, It bursts in, complaining, negative, bitching. It, of course, plans nothing, goes shopping w/o a list, w/o checking what's in the fridge. So, naturally, there's no room. This in turn-from the queen of displacement-turns into my interrogation, a la: "why do you have this here?" Never mind chair frames in the driveway, rescued from garbage, sans pillows, rusting, that have been there (literally) for 6 years. Nevermind an apparent college dropout (he's enjoying his life, and that's good. BUT, remember the "you HAVE to pay for college" bullshit? If I had the funds, would it have made a difference? If anyone REALLY gave a fuck, rather than-again-placing all responsibility on someone else-would he be in session? Nope.)

That's put aside in lieu of pointing-as usual-all aggression @ me.

Remember It took computer classes (in yet another attempt to do anything BUT stay in and clean the house or cook, you know, MOTHERLY/PARENTING type shit). Were those classes ever put to use (i.e. helping Stoney online apply for loans?)? AND, if he's on the computer almost 12 hours a day, he couldn't do so himself? No, easier to point @ the guy who went to work daily for 24 years, paid every bill, whose benefits saved your life.

Typical example: incessantly buys in store cooked fried chicken. A lot easier than actually cooking. Or, buy pizza, or taco bell, or (best of all) have the King call and place his take out order and bring it to him. God bless him, he has It well trained. (more $ to smoke away).

Good thing Uncle Pete sent $ for books.

But I need counseling.

I get my miles, I'm good.

Retirement is VERY good.

Enjoy reading this, I love writing it. (privacy? boundaries? Not in THIS house. Here the child is the parent). Respect? They know not how to spell it. Live like animals.

Day 1919

Back to it!

After spending WAY too much time off (a day) back into the fray! Get my miles in this am, then see what the day brings.

Re: yesterday. No, I have no privacy. Obviously it and Stoney monitor all my actions on the computer (the result of not having a life nor respect for boundaries), yet it claims I have boundary issues? Honey, you're not that important. also, you have nothing of interest to anyone. Don't flatter yourself! (this from the same person who accused me of stealing mail? Remember The Beginning? When I lept from its car after lowering the sun visor? What fell out? My Amex bill! Opened! Causing a $75 late fee???? Bitch. Of course It'll never bring that up). Pure fucking psycho.

I'll get my miles, life is good.

Make THIS make sense

Someone who contributes NOTHING, cannot speak without making me the object of their displaced anger over a wasted life, a professional victim, gets pissed @ me for not keeping them up to snuff re: what I do everyday.

Yes, It IS a psycho.

Goes out, does laundry, stops back in for long enough to call me a liar for not keeping It up to speed (Namecalling? Really? Grow the fuck up).

Does It EVER tell me what it's doing? Yet demands to know what I'm up to?

And, you havta wonder how It knows?

Hope it enjoys reading this.

But you know, I need counseling.............................that's psychospeak for "thank you for paying every bill despite my not cooking nor cleaning, nor frankly not doing a damned thing. Yet, I'll do everything to undermine you in your sons eyes."

The good news: the God it claims to teach about in religion (now THAT'S funny) knows wassup.

All Its friends who take my inventory, a very one sided inventory? They clean, they cook, they are spouses. Somehow, that never gets translated.

Day 1918

TGIF?

With my retirement gig, Sunday ends the work week, so, today is odd. Getting used to it. Also, suddenly, same hours, less net pay? WTF? My health benefits are now deducted. Good. This way, if something hits the fan, I have coverage.

Did the overnight shift, felt really good. Means I missed out on my miles this am, but this likewise necessitated a rest day. VERY good. Of course there IS a down side: Stoney was up-of course-when I came in (5 am) cooking, breaking my balls for quiet since Sybil was sleeping. Let the irony of that sink in. Me, who's quiet as a motherfucker, asked to be quiet, as bass blares from his computer. But you know, I need counseling......................

Day 1917

???

Good news: got my miles, spoke @ a meeting, nice.

Other news: Stoney got a PS4. Not in itself bad, he works/he should do whatever he wants. BUT, is he driving? Is he paying rent? Attending classes? Contributing anything?????

Get me the FUCK outta here.

As It keeps enabling him........

Day 1916

One week closer!

Made it through the "work week" which for me ends Sunday (early Monday am actually, working 8pm-4 am sun into mon). Point is: haven't yet hadda touch the retirement nor 401k. Another week of meeting expenses without running in the red. Breaking even does NOT suck.

And yes, It continues enabling. Brings Stoney Taco fucking Bell. Don't misunderstand, it's a nice gesture. But when it become standard operating procedure? When It actually cooks (once every other week) it's a major production.

I ran, I got my miles, I met my expenses. Life is good, Life is simple and uncomplicated.

Day 1915

Maaaaaybe I actually know what I'm doin'?

(a.k.a. "another one bites the dust.")

More drama. Next door neighbors have been scarce. Turns out: $ problems. Sybil's "she's not MY friend"  "Lisa says" (depending on the weather, the bitch is/isn't Its peep) their house is in arrears to the tune of $500,000. #1: what the fuck is it? A mansion? Half a mil? Please.  #2, how the FUCK would a drug addicted/alcoholic/agoraphobic have this information?  #3, funny, Sybil denies the bitch is Its friend, yet counts on that cunt for intel.

All we know for sure, the place has been very quiet, atypical.

Verification: Bitch hadda (again) climb over the fence to retrieve keys from Its vehicle, you know, the one sitting in his backyard for over a month? It locked itself out of Its car (again) so, hadda climb over his fence (again). Fucking shipwreck.

Best of all, after the pride I experienced seeing Stoney on the job, he calls it to buy him fast food? What is he crippled? How DO you spell "enabler?"

But I'm satan. I need counseling.

Day 1914

13 years later

On 9/11, I was on a golf course. @ Grossingers, I was getting used to the gps, when suddenly it died. Went to the clubhouse, the second plane was hitting. This was on CNN, all the players surrounding the tv. I asked if it was a joke, no one answered. Shit.

So, what do I do, carry on. 2 peeps died there. my thing: it validates my m.o.: you have now. Not manana, not yesterday. Not one person who entered those building thought they'd never make it out. My belief in: "every moment could be the last," mimics the "one day @ a time" thing.

So, today's I'm off. Got up late (4:30am), got my miles, hit the gym for weights, now chillaxin'. Stopped by Target to pick up some supplies, who do I spy behind the electronics desk? Stoney! I was very proud, but gave him a nod/wink.

Guess college ain't hapnin'.

Day 1913

Nonya!

Bitch enters Toxichouse, asking if i got "the car thing." None of fucking business Bitch. Does it ever tell me anything of its activities? Anytime you so much as attempt to speak with It, the issue becomes contentious. What I do is my business only, ever since it ceased being a wife and became Plaintiff.

Tomorrow, off. Was doing 5 am-1 pm, death to a runner, but, it gave me a needed couple of days off. the gig more than compensates, I know I didn't miss a step. But, my knees thanked me.

A peep who was doing The big One is now deferring to next year. Injured. This is why I don't go to doctors. whatever pain my joints give trifles when compared to the emotional baggage my domestic situation causes. when I do The Big One and a member of the crowd yells "kick it in!" my answer is always "why, Plaintiff is home?"

Day 1912

Good. Weird, but good.

Have a few areas of concern. Until retirement kicks in, nice to have NOT raided the nestegg for expenses. In this period, been supplementing with various gigs.

Other issue: my credential. Applied for renewal, hit a speed bump, just got the credential in the mail today. Ambivalent. This will-most likely-be my last trip to that rodeo. It's been quite a journey. From Dana picking me up @ the jail to go to South Oaks, to unemployment, to NY State, to rising to the top, to cancer, to Sybil, to now. Really, a lifetime. Wow.

To everything, turn, turn, turn.

Day 1911

Back to it!

I actually enjoy having a gig to go to. Since Sybil insists on haunting the house/spending any time whatsoever there, I HAVTA stay the fuck out. This isn't a bad thing. Unfortunately, this am it entailed being there @ 5 am. So, a built in "rest day," nevermind the fact that with this gig I'm on the move constantly.

Also, with this gig, my overhead is zero. Pays my daily gasoline and misc expenses without touching The Nest Egg. We're almost there kiddies!

Day 1910

Payback?

So, as I take pleasure in Sybil's misery (how many weeks has Its car been sitting in my neighbors driveway because It can't pay for the muffler?), what do I find when I come in 2 the end of the day? A red light violation ticket. FUCK! Shouldn't take pleasure in others' pain.

BUT, what ELSE did I come in to, every MOTHERFUCKING window wide open. during a thunderstorm. Fucking morons.

Yes, I got my miles, and YES I will again today. FUCK yes!

Oh, and hope Stoney enjoys the result, I disabled taskhost.exe.

Day 1909

Karma

Day before I need to put air in a tire, a semiusual thing as I drive a lot. So, yesterday, needed to put fix a flat in. Still made my morning run. After my run, saw a thick nail/screw embedded in the tire. However, the tire held! Fix a flat is a fucking miracle! So, took it to Mavis. Along my old route, there are dozens of tire shops. first one was near the gym, they recognized me from the old gig. Told them to do whatever's needed. Lo and behold, 15 mins later, repaired! $21! Not too shabby! Ad that to the can of fix a flat I bought to replace the one I used, total, $32. Karma isn't always a bitch!

Point is: didn't miss a step, didn't blow my cool (Sybil would've raged and blamed me. Remember when it accused me of putting a nail in Its tire. Remember my response "why would I waste a nail?"), got my miles, and did all this shit within 2 hours. Good to be sober and happy, you know, what It professes to be in between bouts of psychotic rage.

Then came in to a duct taped door. White trash hope repair. But we always have a bottle of Snapple and something to smoke.

(how's college?)

Day 1908

tgif

A good week. Didn't run in the red, made a buck, got my miles.

My concern was defaulting on payments. In this period between my date of resignation from Civil Service, and receipt of my first retirement check, I was concerned about the interim. But, we made it through the summer. Payments are scheduled to begin around my birthday, so, we did ok.

What a long strange trip it's been indeed!

And Sybil and Stoney, clueless-as usual. It buys him a car about a year ago, he hasn't driven a metre. Smoke on, smoke on. And It? Its car is STILL in the neighbor's backyard-It lacks the $ to pay him for the muffler job he did 2 weeks ago. But I'm a fool for buying the vehicle I did. Don't see it repaired every month do you? Don't see me relying-in effect-on the kindness of strangers to bail me out do you? Funny how that works. In fact, you don't see me relying on anyone do you? I work for what I get. I don't blame others. I was parented. Thanks mom.

Day 1907

And back to the grind (that's good!)

Good to see what appears is as it seems-sometimes. Got asked to stay @ the gig to do o/t. This is very good for the short term-not so much for the long term taxes. Still, beats knocking on doors, meeting people who are borderline abusive, or just don't give a shit. This I can deal with.

And Stoney? Asked if I touched his jelly or his coffee. (???) Imagine, your son holding you accountable for what is in the fridge? Wonder why I like going in to the job? AND, this was the day after being told "I don't want you here," Stoney telling ME he doesn't want me in the house. So, move the fuck out! Really!!!!! Can you imagine a child saying that to a parent????? And what does Bitch do? What It always does, not a mother fucking thing. Meanwhile, duct tape on the back door. Think it's easy?????

Day 1906

Back to it!

The thing I like about this gig: the peeps. Everyone who puts in the hours is there for honest work. A great thing. It is exactly what it appears to be. No airs, no drama.

Hot as a motherfucker, but it's ok. I'll get my miles, I'll go to work. Nice!!!!!

Day 1905

:)

Had a GREAT day off! Was sleeping, after working 8pm-4am Sunday into Monday. Got a call, asked if I wanted o/t. Fuck yeah! So, did 3pm-11pm. Good. Bitch was in, as was Stoney. Remember, it professes to be Ms.AA, so what do I come in to? Stoney's bong on the table, the exact spot my stuff used to occupy. The lesson? It's ok for illegal substance paraphernalia to be there, but not my belongings. But I need counseling.

Fuck 'em both, today I ran a profit.

Day 1904

!!!

Helluva Sunday!

Did The Manhattan Run-my second fave run next to The Big One. Despite being me, bumped into tons of peeps. Rode in with a peep, really did ok. No walk breaks.

One person who shared a ride with me last year spoke of my being an "inspiration," should tell that to Psychobitch and its groupies! Another spoke of how, because of me, she was doing The Big One. Nice to know you have friends.

Then, worked 3-11pm. Didn't think I'd survive, but did well.