Day 1872

Hump day +

Having a decent week. Not setting records, but not blanking either. In my business, agents love putting up ridiculous numbers, but what happens next? I'd rather do a policy that I know will stick, with room for the future. So, did ok Monday, got one yesterday. At least I did something to break even. Today's not over, nor is the week.

Got my miles, did well. Doing 86th during the week appears to be paying off.

And yes, It is back on meds. Now that my personal property has been vandalized and every rule of etiquette broken on the home front, PsychoBitch is medicated. Wonder if It'll tell Its friends It's nuts? Nope, I'm Satan.

Day 1871

Almost on track.

Last week was weird. In my bidness you get used to ebbs and flows. usually the beginning of the week is great, then things fall off. Last week, I did shit all week, then Saturday redeemed myself. This week, wrote on Monday, then...dry. Just gotta keep on keepin' on.

After yesterday's trifecta, run/Pilates/Spin, got my miles this am. Felt grounded.

Still adjusting to having filed my retirement papers and recredentialling for what will be the last time. Wow. Ch ch ch ch  cha-nges.

Day 1870

?????

So, with National Grid sending It mail re: $28 outstanding (imagine breaking balls for that amount. Worse yet, It ignoring the payment), It goes out and...AND...buys Lobster! This psycho is beyond description. Better yet, just as I'd always urged It to go Civil Service (but THAT would require commitment and responsibility), I'd always suggested...what's that word...A SHOPPING LIST? So, It goes out, spends your taxpayer $ on absolute CRAP, then we run outta milk. Amazing. And you KNOW Stoney won't cut into his weed $ to buy milk (he DOES work @ Target, a.k.a. one big mutha grocery section).

So, in a nutshell, yes I ran. And Pilates. And later Spin. Keeps me outta Its way. Good for my head.

Day 1869

GRRRRR

Pouring rain, then (now) it stops. Too late for me. Damnit.

After yesterday eve, needed it. Told ya, Bitch comes in raging, insisting on using the driveway when the front door is much closer (all because it MUST trek through the den). Screaming about how I have to move stuff so It can get through. THEN, leaves Its shit out during the night. Looks like white trash alley. Lawn furniture broken, missing cushions, hasn't moved in years. Yet It rages in screaming about my need to do shit. amazing (got meds?). THEN, seeing I'm on the phone-was setting up appt's, screams that I should do my work in a park or elsewhere. Glad as fuck I pay the mortgage.

Need my miles!!!!!

This just in

WAS having a great day, ran The Line, saw my gym peeps, had coffee with GT, then...THEN...made the critical error of returning to the source of my mortgage payment. Stoney grabs the shower first, leaves it FULL OF HAIR. Her majesty shaved down. THEN, Sybil storms in, raging (naturally) after telling me I need a meeting (?), rages @ the shape of the bathtub, Stoney cleanses it, then says "you can use it now Princess," speaking to me.

2 amazingly dysfunctional people consciously causing pain.

Amazing.

Good to be a parent.

Smoke some more.

Part of its rage: properly closing the gate to the driveway, you know, the one I paid $1500 to have repaired because it couldn't be bothered to properly shut it. Does It give a fuck? No. Would it be easier to sue the front door, yes. Now, the back door is disintegrating (I wanted it walled off), and it cannot bring Itself to properly close it.

But I need a meeting.

Day 1868

THAT was weird

I seem to do well stalking, i.e. when a client has an app't, doesn't show, I'm really good @ waiting them out.

Yesterday, got my miles (The Line, thank God!), saw my Dim Sum peeps. Nice.

Then headed to my app't. She said to call before I showed-never do that, it gives them an escape. I show, nothing, she's out running errands.

There I am, WAY the fuck east (East Islip), and she's in Nassau! I said "lets hookup there." Good thing we didn't.

I waited, and waited. 3 hours later she shows, with hub, good.

So, sold her and her man a policy. Waiting works. Remember the guy in Hempstead, same thing.

So, got my miles, wrote the policy. We start talking, turns out, she's from my 'hood-4 blocks away!!!!! She knew St.Gabe's, everything! HOLY SHIT!!!!!

It pays to be a marathon runner, don't quit, stick to it.

But wait, it got better!

While I was there, Football Dad called! I couldn't take the call (rude) but I responded as soon as I left her place. How lovely was it to speak with him. Again, right person, right place.

If I'd fed into impulse, when she didn't answer the door, I'd have blanked for the week. I didn't break records, but I wrote. Nice.

Thanks God. Helluva week, but we did it!!!!!!!

Day 1867

Yin/Yang

Went out, got my miles good.

Couple of app'ts, didn't pan out. No prob, just gotta keep at it. In the midst of this, GB texts me, asking to meet for coffee. How lovely was that? A peep when I needed 'em, n' they didn't even know it. Nice, thanks God.

Unfortunately, hadda go back to Toxichouse. Stoney, after doing nothing all day, asks if I picked up his computer. I asked if it was ready, he responded "they said it would be 2 days ago."  Call 'em moron! $45 bucks later, it's back. Now, let that sink in. a month ago I told him to take it, did he? Do weed smokers actually accomplish anything? No, rather, let someone else do it, after vandalizing their stuff.

And where was Sybil during all this? @ the beach all day, then going out @ night. Was a motherfucking finger lifted re: the house? Nothing. "We havta start recycling." All It's Snapple bottles now overflowing from the recycling bin. Did It put the bin out? And, again, whose shit fills the recycling bin? (remember when I forgot to give Stoney lunch $, It pled poverty, while remaining shackled to a bottle of Snapple, but I'm Satan. I need counseling). Funny, It now has Medicare-the flights of rage have diminished. But I need counseling.

And yes, I have the Police Officer's cell phone in the event my belongings are vandalized again.

Imagine threatening your father, threatening his belongings. Smoke some more, and I LIVE for the day his spawn return the favor.

I love the shit outta this kid and this is how he repays me. Oh, wait, all I do is work daily and pay the bills. Ain't I a motherfucker? I don't deserve to leave the house trusting my stuff is safe. Rather, I should, daily, return to a place where no one does shit, but one tells me everything I should do, and the other smokes daily and takes his shit out on me.

Thank God I run.

Day 1866

Closure

Went back to the old gig, got my credential eval completed. Was weird waiting outside my old office, but not in a bad way. Imagine working in a spot for years, then going back, and having to wait to do what you need to do. Odd, but-again-not bad. Peeps asking if I was coming back-again, not a bad thing. Good to be missed, but life goes on.

Day 1865

50%

Went back to CATC. Felt good. No anxiety, only joy. When I walked up to the entrance, my a/c peep was sitting there, kind'a like a welcoming committee. No one had a bad word, all were happy to see me, and I to see them. The downside? The person I needed to see wasn't there, so gotta go back today.

Got my retirement papers sent in, things worked out. Rather than break my balls for a notary, they had one there @ the library where I filled out the papers. Nice. Thanks God.

Yesterday eve until tomorrow am, showers were predicted, nothing now. Get my miles in. NicER!

Day 1864

WTF?

Did I walk into The Twilight Zone?

Lets don't get ahead of ourselves.

"I went home with a waitress...the way I always do." Was nice to hang with someone who didn't think I was Satan. Later, did a Pilates class, the instructor is cool.

Then I get into Toxichouse. It is actually speaking like a normal person. We discuss Stoney, typical teenage behavior. My problem: after It, conveniently, gave him Its phone, It leaves. Nice. Leave a psychotic teen with anger issues all alone. Moron.

But, that doesn't change the topic. It was actually behaved. amazing.

You'd think we lived in a normal domicile, until you saw the piles of crap everywhere and bare walls from where It grabbed my frames and flung them to the ground.

But, I ran, I'm good.

Later in the eve, went to Rob's Dad's wake. 2 wakes in a couple'a weeks. I guess I'm lucky (?) most of my fam passed. Sucks to go through it @ a younger age, but it is what it is.

Today, back to my former gig to get some papers signed. Gonna be weird. Good, but weird.

Day 1863

Deja vu?

Woke up, got my miles. Good. Hit my first app't, so far so good. Then...THEN...call from Sybil. Turns out, it gave the phone to Stoney who was doing his best impersonation of Sybil. Foaming @ the mouth. The screen on his laptop shattered, he was-of course-blaming me. "You havta pay...I'm gonna wreck your stuff..." When I got there, It was-of course-gone. Stuck around juuuuust long enough to fuck me. He, claiming all sorts of hurtful shit, threatening to-naturally-damage my belongings in the den.

Great parenting.

So, needless to say didn't make the sale.

And It, nowhere to be found.

Turns out the screen HAD a crack, the moron must've shattered it when closing it-as you know, a crack doesn't remain a crack for long. But naturally, it HADDA be me, satan, who was the cause. No one here takes responsibility for anything.

And, after claiming I hadda pay, he goes out, smokes all day with his friends, then blows over $50 on a fucking video game. Value of a dollar? Not @ this address. Could'a paid for a new computer.

Nugent? Amazing. LOUD! And I was hangin' with a waitress, we hit it off. A nice person, we hit many of the same spots in nyc. I hadda eat my words when I said The Paramount's volume usually wasn't LOUD. last night, I was-happily-wrong.

Nuge turns 66, wow!

Day 1862

Another week, this will be good!

Starting off right, a run, an appointment, a concert-The Nuge!

Temps perfect this am, 65, cool, no humididididity. Wed s'posed to be humid as hell + 90. But today, ok!

Day 1861

Here we go again

Did the Live Poultry 5k. It begins and ends @ a live poultry store, the scent is FUGLY!!!!! I always joke that rather than awards, they should give meat.

There was a big Long Island run today, a mile from Toxichouse, but you gotta do Queens.

Then, I hadda come "home." Big mistake. It scalped the bushes-attempting to trim them in Its manic state, really butchering the shit outta them, then leaving clippings everywhere. So, of course, I cleaned up. It's what I do. Get abused, then clean.

Of course, part of this was putting shit away. For which I likewise got torn a new one, "I want that THERE!!!!!" But you know me, I need counseling. Sick fuck.

Now, look @ the last post. Add that to: Stoney's car is ready. Hmmmmm, wonder if It has the $.

But God forbid I actually put something away. For THAT, call the lawyer.

I ran, I'm ok.

WWFS

What would Freud say?

Come in, venomous note on the cabinet, "move your fucking stuff...." This from #1 JEEEZUS freak, apparently THIS is the kinda note our lord and savior would leave. apparently it lost the ability to speak. And yes, FUCK must figure prominently with each communication.

Rather than simply ask.

And yes, It focuses solely on my stuff, i.e.: I have the den, which of course becomes Grand Central station since that's my ground zero-also the cleanest part of Toxichouse. It never ceases to tear me a new one re: the locked containers. Never a mention about stealing my stuff, hence the locks on the containers. THAT would involve responsibility and ownership of its issues (but remember, I need counseling). Rather, wherever there is any trace of me in the house I pay for (remember throwing my pictures to the ground? By the way, those walls remain bare. Just how TOXIC is this bitch?), that trace must be made to disappear.

So, what was the latest issue? Stoney's no longer eligible for disability. No more free money for It for Stoney. This after spending $300 for his birthday. Nice to have that kinda free money. Thank you taxpayers. Fucking moron.; Meanwhile, National Grid is breaking balls to collect $28, but this Psychobitch just sticks Its head in the sand.

Funny how the same day these bills come in, and the notice about no more $ for Stoney, I havta move MY stuff. It suddenly decides all its shit, god forbid you stop buying crap, must be put where my stuff is.

Fuck it, I really don't fucking care.

Day 1860

Wow

How quickly things change.

As part of renewing my credential, my supervisor must sign an eval, makes sense. Prob: what if you're no longer working? So, you double back and ask your EX supervisor. When I resigned, I made it a point to ask if it would be a problem, at that time I was told no, we were splitting on good terms. When I called yesterday, I was told "jee, I dunno, I gotta seek supervision....." FUCK. 24 years of no call ins, no lateness-not ONE, nothing but service. The good news: I draw a retirement check for a million years if I live that long. STILL, hurts that my ex boss hasn't the balls to just say yes in return for all I did. Fuck it. So it really fucked me up, then...THEN...got the call. The gods said it was ok for their person to do the right thing.

Amazing isn't it?

So Wednesday I go back to from whence I came to hand the paperwork to be perused. Gonna be weird, good, but weird. I've been dying to go back, but nobody likes the dinner guest who wouldn't leave. And I always believed you have nothing but your good name, you want to leave properly. I can honestly say I did. Feels good.

Day 1859

Progress

Coming to terms with this part of my life, this is a good thing.

Submitting my final credential renewal application, really a turning point. This is the sort'a thing that hurts. Normally, "retirement" would be celebrated, in recognition of what someone has accomplished. Here @ Toxichouse, it's more ammunition for scorn and anger-as in "I never finished shit in my life, and I hate seeing that you did 3 careers." But of course, I need counseling.

Seminarian, Teacher, Counselor, Director. Wow. Helluva ride, so far!

Unfortunately, I come in, a prized possession is broken. Why? Of course the Almighty, Stoney, HADDA move his laptop. In the process, of course, something I love gets broken-a statue. Rather than do what Psychobitch does, I explained to him the irony: I move the slightest thing in the fridge and am threatened with court action, meanwhile he can violate my space and break my belongings. Of course he responds with "I don't have dental or health benefits," to which I naturally didn't respond-he was stoned as hell-bong in the living room (nice job 12 step mom).

Hey, I live my life the best I can. Period.

Then, It comes in-after 10pm, decides It needs MY shelfspace. Really. I must be a shit magnet, everything apparently revolves around me. Funny thing is, It can have the shelf, really don't give a fuck. But It'll still be a Bitch. Remember what we went through with the bikes in the garage? They're there now, It's still a psycho.

I ran, life is good.

Day 1858

Of course there's more!

With all Its rage about finances, what had it done a week ago? Spent over $300, $150 for a pair of sneakers for Stoney and another $150 on misc shit (an $80 backpack for him and misc other crap). Nice eh? Rather than work out a payment plan for Its debts, just keep spending. Play good cop while I work like a fool.

But I need counseling.

Stoney's got his head on straight, he's ok, It on the other hand-could learn from him. He has resources, yet has It do, in effect, his bidding. While all Its friends pile in on the "he's satan" bandwagon, my peeps can't believe neither of them contribute. Amazing.

But today, I ran. I'm ok.

Day 1857

Part 2!

Come in, bill on the table (like that makes it my problem?) over $1,100. From what? It's last hospitalization. Pity.

Of course It goes on a tear, "if you had Cobra..." Again, forgetting Cobra would've cost the mortgage payment. Add that to the $29,000 bill and It has quite expensive habits. Now, add THAT to Its plan to go on vacation (????? from what?????). So, you have $ to, in effect, maintain 2 cars, you plan to go away for a week, yet have no means to pay your debts. Hmmmm. It seems to think I have vast cash reserves when I constantly tell It I pay every motherfucking bill, that's it.

Now, rewind the tape to when I started on Ward's Island. Did I not urge It to go Civil Service? Did I not say the two of us could conquer the world w/2 Civil Service careers? Yet, It used child care as the excuse to maintain bullshit jobs (hmmmm DAYCARE??? Funny, you had no problem ditching him with a drug addict when you went to the beach, remember Snaggletooth?).

Now, Stoney's maturing, part of this is learning the value of a dollar. Of course he's a GREAT kid, exemplary in fact. But you can't live what you never learned. So, he still leans on It for $10 for pizza etc...meanwhile he smokes his paychecks, with never any discussion to savings. The $ Pedrito gave him from mom's trust alone could'a paid for college, but that got pissed away. Now, there's nothing to show for it but student loans. Worst of all: if he played his cards right, the $ he earns from his gig could pay for college, but It never reinforced living within your means. But then, it gets mad 2 him for keeping beer in the fridge from his birthday get together with his peeps. Let that sink in: It has no problem with his being flagrant with smoking-i.e.his bong prominently displayed-but leave beer in the fridge? THAT makes it go off.

Notice a pattern here? It tends to rage at pretty much everything. Good 12 step person. Good Jeeeeeeeeezus person. GREAT parenting.

So, yes, I'm Satan. It can't manage shit, just look @ the state of the house as a telling example. But I need counseling. And of course, it now practices Its patented cut and run approach/a.k.a. never finish what you started. To whit: all the divorce talk. Go ahead, assume half the debt. Good luck. Keep charging, keep shopping.

But I need counseling.

But wait, there's more! It, again, gives Stoney the tired line of "your father never gave you any money for the past 5 years." Let that sink in. Who gave him lunch money, when I didn't did It NOT buy Snapple and provide for Stoney, no, he leaned on his peeps? So, of course I take the time to, without anger, remind him that EVERY MOTHERFUCKING BILL is paid for by Satan. That he has a house to live in due to yours truly, Satan. While it spends $ on crap, I pay bills, and that I do so joyfully, as opposed to It who makes us all pay the price of Its psychosis on a daily basis.

Funny, It has no benefits, it isn't on meds, It rages every night. Hmmmmm. Wonder if Its "friends" ever called its attention to THAT?

(but It DOES get close to $700 a month from disability, + what It earns from working. Tough life).

So, let's do the math: I work all day, I come home, I try to sleep, It screams and take all its shit out on me. And I need counseling.

Day 1856

What a difference a day makes!

Called the NYSERS, got some info re: my retirement. turns out, I'm a fool to NOT put in my papers now. I'm eligible to collect @ 55, delaying it only deprives my pocket of $. So, wtf! Nice to have that security! We won't lose the house, things will work out.

That was the good news. Other news: It, again, went on a major tear. Glad It did. This time even Stoney hadda tell it to STFU. Same old shit, just dif day. Really tiresome.

Best line of the evening: "I'm going to take you for all you have." Good luck, paying half the debt incurred from your own hospitalization, taking over 1/2 the mortgage, paying your own taxes. Enjoy.

And yes, this am, I ran. Order is restored to the universe.

Day 1855

Wow!

Just called the NY State Retirement system. Good news: I'm free!!!!!!! The last part of my life is about to begin! YAY!!!!!!!

With bills beginning to pile up, I hadda check my assets. Turns out, when I turn 55, I can apply for retirement. It behooves me to do so since delaying it only leaves money in the state general fund. In other words, delaying only postpones putting $ in my pocket. Wow.

Add this to my Deferred Comp, and I'll be ok.

Nice.

All those years on the job are now paying off, it was not, in fact, wasted. Though the circumstances hurt me, it is what it is. If I'd hung around for 6+ more years (30 years), there'd be more in my pension. But, I'm ok. Nice.

This does not suck.

Day 1854

?

Stoney's Birthday yesterday, 19. Got him a $97 gift card. Why not $100? Like I got that much to piss away? Took out $3 for the Father's Day card he never got me. He'll never put 2 n' 2 together, but I know and God knows.

He actually made me happy-but that got shot down (more on that later). As part of the "you have no rights in the place you pay for" regime, It HADDA have access to the garage. Same drama as The Den-it's my turf so It must fuck it up, or make me feel bad. Nice try. This latest attempt:  It tells all Its friends I have the garage padlocked. True (notice, It never tells Its peeps It has wrecked the house. That Its piles of CRAP inhabit every available square inch). So, It, naturally, has to drag this into Its purported court case. But wait, there's more! It claims Its friend will take the bikes out of the basement, help rip the lock off the garage, then put them inside the garage. Now, let that sink in. Originally, It hadda have the bikes in my den. Fucking bitch. Now, the garage. What's wrong with the basement?????

So, long story insufferable, when Stoney came in, had him and his peeps help. Problem solved. Of course, then It hasta push for a key to the garage. Not too psycho is it? It got what It wanted, then hadda push more buttons.

But I digress. Issue is that Stoney got his birthday gift. But it got better! He asked for weights! One factoid you didn't know: I have a full weight bench in the garage. Been waiting for the right time, here it was! So, he and his peeps helped move it into the backyard. BOOM! Rikers Island weight training!

So, what was the downside? You KNOW he got wasted as hell. And what did Ms.12 Step do? Woke up this am, beers in the fridge. Again, what did Ms.12 Step do? Nothing. Not a motherfucking thing.
Good sobriety. Better parenting.

But I need counseling.

Day 1853

Thanks God!

Did The Line yesterday. No races, so, figured I'd get distance in + hills. Lo and behold, I'm @ the gym changing, Football Dad texts me saying he's headed to The Parkhouse. Cool! We ran together, shared with each other, I felt better. THEN, GT was walking the other way, I doubled back, walked and talked. My heart was lightened.

THEN, appeared (naturally) early for a 2pm app't, enter the building, an apartment bldg.-I didn't know the #. The security guy @ the desk didn't have the apartment number either. FUCK. Fortunately (again, God took care) a peep called to ask some mundane follow up questions-bottom line-I felt better. With a clear head, I called 411, got his #, headed over. Wrote him up.

A good day.

Of course, Sybil STORMS in after 9pm, 9:47 asks if the dog was fed. No, we waited all day for your useless ass to show. Fucking self centered bitch. And best of all, checked the website, it's getting almost $700 a month disability! Pays ZERO bills! And I get to pay the taxes. Go ahead, take me to court, pay your own fucking taxes.

Day 1852

Crunch time.

As it goes to the beach and Stoney smokes his life away, I watch Rome burn. As they fiddle I work. Bills pile up, do they give a shit? Nope. Heads planted firmly in the sand. Though that doesn't stop the endless anger pointed, naturally, at me. I know, I know. I need counseling, I'm Satan. Got it.

The good news? It's not raining, today I can run. It'll be ok as long as I keep on keepin' on.

Day 1851

Ouch!

Started the day well, made a sale-after stalking this one person for a few days-a good person, but tough sched.

Then, home for a bit, fortunately. Gas co hadda stop in to do some stuff, unfortunately that meant the basement. Ewwwww. Also unfortunately, Stoney was here to give the blow by blow to Sybil. You can imagine the scene when they hadda wade all over Its shit piled everywhere down there. Of course, this translated to my assreaming when It got home. The usual, just rewind the litany of my Satanic behavior, gonna tell the judge.......you have the garage and the den (and It has the REST OF THE FUCKING HOUSE), funny how the den is always a recurring theme. Let that sink in: living room, basement, dining room (now devoid of any of my pictures), bedroom (in which It never sleeps), yet focus solely on my shit. Nice job keeping the focus. This is how JEEEEEEEEEZUS would behave?

But I need a meeting. But I need counseling.

(starting to get the picture? Think It's off Its meds?).

Best of all: all that shit came after a day @ the beach. Tough life. As I was working. Satan does that.

Day 1850

Pure bitch.

Hot day, still, got my run in so how bad could it be.

It texts me: "did you eat a banana?" Can you believe this shit? Would YOU waste your time with this? But, I need a meeting. But, I need counseling. I'm Satan after all, apparently, with a potassium deficiency.

Then, I awaken, there are 4 chairs around the dining room table. All have shit all over them (what, EAT @ a dining room table? You nuts?). So, guess who's shit was moved? Mine. The only chair clear of hoarders crap, now clear of my belongings. It adores being mean for the sake of being mean.

But remember, I need a meeting. I need counseling. I'm Satan.

Thank God I run.

Shit, literally, all over the house, piles of it, everywhere. But God forbid I have a chair @ the table with minimal stuff upon it. What a cruel person. THAT'S what JEEEEEEZUS would do.

Day 1849

Work!

Hittin' the street is tough, tougher when you feel they that live under your roof screw you @ every turn. Having no support, come in to find your things vandalized, not nice. But gotta man up and work.

Got my miles, did evening Spin, day wasn't a total loss.

Yesterday was 24 years of marriage. If I hadda do it all over again would I? Yes. I can honestly say I love the person I married. The person who now lives under the same roof, it's a hit and miss on a daily basis. THAT'S what hurts. Also knowing all our shared friends now share a mutual contempt for me-if they were cool we'd be selling them all over the place. It has zero concept of the consequences of Its actions. It is what it is.

And what happened yesterday? I of course bought a card. After 9 pm they went to the movies. Really makes ya feel warm inside don't it?

Day 1848

Ouch!

Good news: got my run in. Bad news: humididididity is in, and with a vengeance!

Worse news: Bitch is on a tear, again...still. Same script/dif year. Really gives you that get up n' go spirit first thing in the morning doesn't it? Late at night door slamming, first thing in the morning reminding me of what a shit I am. Ahhh that warm fuzzy feeling.

Thank God I run.

Day 1847

Nice surprise!

No race yesterday, none the day before either. Adjusting to more change-Trainer leaving the gym as well as the Program Coordinator., both of whom I'd come to know and like. As we now know from my past gig, everything changes.

So, with no race, what did I do? The Line. There I am, merrily doin' my thang, 400 metres or so into it. Who passes me, doing a double take? Football Dad and his peep! God bless him. Wasn't feeling too good about myself, God puts the right guy in my path, literally.

Unfortunately, I went home, and It-naturally-hadda break my balls. Same script dif year-this time: putting the bikes in the garage. Its hasn't been ridden in over 10 years, his in over 5. Both have flats. It's merely an effort to break my balls. Amazing. disheartening.

Day 1837

One man's ceiling is another man's floor/the grass is NOT greener.

Did the LGBT 5m today. Why? 1)It's a qualifier   2) It's 5m in Central Park. Not too shabby. Tough, my pace sucked, just over 10, but it wasn't some bullshit 5k.

That was the good news.

Got a fucking $45 dollar parking ticket. Thought I was cool w/2 hour parking between 9-11am, so far so good. What I didn't see was the "no parking between 8:30-9am" sign. FUCK. Oh well.

Then, bumped into a former peep. former because all she did was whine/talk/mooch. All one way. Was good for pace, but little else. But, this doesn't make her a bad person, just drove me nuts. Turns out, her hub died. I was always happy that 2 runners found each other late(r) in life, turns out he was diagnosed with prostate cancer, too late. Really a shame.

Yesterday, all hell broke loose. It caught me looking for a pen in her purse. (I needed a black pen). what did I find instead? My mail. Nice. And of course It went OFF, all the usual script. Never owning stealing my mail. Sure Its friends are counseling It to take me to court. Go ahead, pay your own taxes after admitting to theft. Stealing mail is federal.

Thank God I run.

Day 1846

GREAT am!

woke up, assuming THAT'S not a bad thing, to no humididididity. Cool temps, perfect for a run. MUST enjoy this day, if it kills me. Stoney and It out 'til after I went to sleep, the dog they claim to love by my side due to fireworks. Again, all It does is play (lay in the sun after cancer, smart), then bitch about $.

What, among other things, gets me: It claimed I thought/acted as if I was hot shit in my prior position. Meanwhile, I always kept Gandhi in mind, as in: exemplify ultimate humility. You know where that "hot shit" stuff came from-one of Its 2 main peeps-the one with severe self esteem issues. the one who claimed I was rude.

I always exemplify the "treat everyone with respect" mantra. Does it hurt to do so? No. So, that also places the onus on them. I.E. if they have a problem with you, it's squarely THEIR problem. I, in no way/shape/form/ contributed to it.

Today, I will run. Yesterday, I ran. 2 good days. In spite of my circumstances.

Day 1845

ZERO, Zero, zero.....

No umph, no motivation. Had one of THOSE days.

Got my run in, that was good. Not too hot for a change. Then hit Toxichouse to check in, do some odds and ends-shit that if not done, would result in MORE shit-fix a loose window etc.....all was well, It and I actually spoke...then...THEN, I'm on the road, psycho text! Was freakin' because of where I put the dog poop. Now remember, Ms.12 Step/what would JEEEEEEEZUS do? All it has to say is nasty shit to me. THEN, wonders why It didn't have my phone #. Worse yet, do It or Stoney ever pick up the dogshit? Easier to tear a new one to the one motherfucker who actually does.

Really makes ya feel great don't it?

Day 1844

Didn't (totally) suck.

Did the Bellmore 4m today. Kind'a THE thing to do if you live here. For the past couple'a years I did another one, just to break THE CYCLE. But the race isn't far, now that I gotta watch my bottom line, it's easier all around.

Even with 3 breaks, broke 10 minutes, came in around 9:40. Felt good. This one is ALWAYS very hot, but I did well.

My heart is most def broken, with zero support on the homefront, things are tough. Worst is, it's all predictable. Whenever it hangs with one specific peep, my demonic stock rises. This is a peep who suffers from image issues and self esteem issues, claiming I'm rude. Of course It perceives this as a threat to Its peep, so naturally hubby gets thrown under the bus. GREAT parenting. Worse yet, does It contribute in any way, shape, or form? Of course not. No cooking (and god forbid I eat anything in the fridge-can't wait 'til it breaks), no cleaning, no support.

Meanwhile, the dog It claims to love has blood on his mouth. Why? It claims ignorance, forgetting flinging all my pictures to the ground. Now, take a moment. Pictures are housed in.....right, FRAMES. Frames contain......glass. Think it cleaned the floor after Its psychotic rage? Wonder why the dog has blood on his mouth? Fucking moron. But "we loooove you Hulk" is all the shit we ever hear.

But I'm a liar.

But I need counseling.

Right.

Today I ran. Life is good.

Day 1843

Here we go again!

More drama, more screaming etc.....

It didn't work, spent the day @ the beach (don't clean the house, the piles of shit will move themselves, yet feel free to dictate where others' belongings should go), then comes in raging. Amazing. How the fuck can you enjoy a day off, with your son in tow, dragging your husband's name through the mud-as he's out working, then come in and get pissed all over again. This, again, after not lifting a finger in the home. Another example: It buys corn. Harmless right? Where do you think the residue was? In the garbage? Nope. On the floor? Yep. Yet, again, It spent the other morning, literally, flinging my belongings to the ground, after telling me It wanted me out. THIS is what Jeeeeeeeezus would do?

Really makes you proud of who you are. you come in, your son loathes you. His mother feeds the fire, he not knowing he's being fed a load of crap.

But I ran. Life is good.

Day 1842

Close (r)

Did well yesterday, bunch of strikes, one double. Closed a nice one, despite the obstacles I deal with.

The other good news? The domicile is tranquil. for now.

Day 1841

And it got better!

This am, all was ok until,,,UNTIL...the mail.

Turns out, It had an accident-head was up Its ass, sideswiped another car. Stoney's car thus needs the right side worked on, big time. Add this to a bill close to $30,000 for when it was hospitalized, and it is 200% psycho. This time: all my pictures from the kitchen thrown to the ground (memories of marathons), some broken. THEN, It threatens ME with a restraining order? Best of all, when I intervene, Stoney pushes me-thinking he's protecting his mother. FUCK me! Imagine, all because it made a shipwreck of everything, I'm the object of purported court action?

Really motivates you to make sales don't it?

But remember, I'm Satan.

Even Stoney realized It's off Its rocker.

Best of all: It had an evening with one of its two groupies who believe I'm shit. Naturally, it comes in breathing venom-when you can't think for yourself this is what happens.

And more! A series of venomous "you're a piece of shit" texts.

Again, really motivational stuff.

THIS is what JEEEEEEZUS would do?

Great religion teacher.

Real sober behavior.

THIS is how you treat your husband, in the presence of your son. Even HE realizes there are conversations children should not be privy to.

...But I'm Satan. And I need counseling. And I need to go to a meeting. Good thing It's home to tell me these things.

(and yes, the same tape: "you took him out of religion..." Like It couldn't have enrolled him?????)

Religion did It a whole lotta good.