YIN: had a blast @ the Paste Dinner, dunno why we call it that, Stoney and I had steak-it's what's for dinner-but you get the point.
This event turned out to be way more than I'd expected. @ first, just a few peeps, then they told two friends, and...and...it great to 10...then 12...then 18.....finally 20!!! (Vince and Sue showed-they never do, but didn't stay to eat, Laughlin also showed-he never comes east of the border!!!).
We had a BLAST (did I say that???). Lots of pix, don't look now, they'll wait til after The Big Run. Everyone got a kick outta Stoney.
Yang: My brother is coming soon to take Stoney to see Sybil. Dunno where it is, don't care. Fuck her.
Happy Hallo-who really gives a shit, just another contrived day. Glad it'll rain, no disturbances @ the door while I'm trying to chillax.
Latest report: rain overnight, then clearing come racetime. I hope.
REALLY feel alone.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
day 96
48 hours and counting!!!!!
Went to the expo yesterday, MAN life can be sooooo good.
My peep went home to pick up Stoney, I was stuck here on site. Tom and his son met me here an hour earlier than they'd planned (YES!!! Earlier is gooder), Stoney came a-riding in. It was on!!! Took the bus to the train, walked to Javits (The most exercise Stoney'd gotten in months).
Who checks my e mail and license? Randy!!! Can't friggin' hide. As we're waiting (Tom didn't bring his e mail, so we got held up), bump into Vince who was waiting for Sue who didn't bring her e mail either. THEN, we run into Jonathan and his mom. Man, this IS our run!!!
Checked out the expo-it was 5:30 @ this point, I'm ready to collapse-3 hours after my usual feeding time. I'm making repeated forays to the powergel booth for some new crap they're pushing-tastes like chocolate mud, but it worked-kept me going!!!
Stoney wanders over (HE wanted to check the booths, I wanted to grab my shit and go, bless him, he was into it!!!) to the Skull Candy booth, skaterdude workin' it gives him a t shirt-way cool!!! (THIS, in addition to a NEW, in the box, pair of ear buds he FOUND as we left the train made his night). Skaterdude and I start talkin', turns out he's recovering from crystal meth. Smaaaaaal world n'est pas?
Finally, we reconnect, head out. @ this point it's 6:25 when we hit Penn. Train to Hicksville is 6:35...what to do, what to do. Hadda eat something. With all Penn has to offer, what does Stoney choose? Taco Bell, of course. Shebitch would come home nearly every night with it, he's been withdrawing. I had 2 chicken burritos (340 cals x 2) he had his usual. We hit the train, made it with a minute to spare.
What a fun evening!!! And tonight it continues with the club pasta dinner.
...Yin to the Yang: RAIN predicted for Sunday-we'll see. After all this, how bad could it be??? Very, but hey, at least I won't be alone ;).
Went to the expo yesterday, MAN life can be sooooo good.
My peep went home to pick up Stoney, I was stuck here on site. Tom and his son met me here an hour earlier than they'd planned (YES!!! Earlier is gooder), Stoney came a-riding in. It was on!!! Took the bus to the train, walked to Javits (The most exercise Stoney'd gotten in months).
Who checks my e mail and license? Randy!!! Can't friggin' hide. As we're waiting (Tom didn't bring his e mail, so we got held up), bump into Vince who was waiting for Sue who didn't bring her e mail either. THEN, we run into Jonathan and his mom. Man, this IS our run!!!
Checked out the expo-it was 5:30 @ this point, I'm ready to collapse-3 hours after my usual feeding time. I'm making repeated forays to the powergel booth for some new crap they're pushing-tastes like chocolate mud, but it worked-kept me going!!!
Stoney wanders over (HE wanted to check the booths, I wanted to grab my shit and go, bless him, he was into it!!!) to the Skull Candy booth, skaterdude workin' it gives him a t shirt-way cool!!! (THIS, in addition to a NEW, in the box, pair of ear buds he FOUND as we left the train made his night). Skaterdude and I start talkin', turns out he's recovering from crystal meth. Smaaaaaal world n'est pas?
Finally, we reconnect, head out. @ this point it's 6:25 when we hit Penn. Train to Hicksville is 6:35...what to do, what to do. Hadda eat something. With all Penn has to offer, what does Stoney choose? Taco Bell, of course. Shebitch would come home nearly every night with it, he's been withdrawing. I had 2 chicken burritos (340 cals x 2) he had his usual. We hit the train, made it with a minute to spare.
What a fun evening!!! And tonight it continues with the club pasta dinner.
...Yin to the Yang: RAIN predicted for Sunday-we'll see. After all this, how bad could it be??? Very, but hey, at least I won't be alone ;).
Thursday, October 29, 2009
day 95
It happened!!! The miracle!
OK, felt like shit after paying $543 to have a pipe valve changed to fix the drip drip drip in the basement, but hey, thank G that's one less worry. THEN, Stoney comes home from school yesterday SOAKED. There's an umbrella and poncho in his backpack. I hit the roof!!!
He KNEW I was pissed, so, bless him, he asked for help with his spanish h/w. Bad news was: he really wanted someone to do the work for him. He had a series of sentences to translate-god forbid he opens his book. THAT'S what he wanted-someone to sit next to him and translate, rather than crack a book. THAT'S (warning: old person line coming) the problem with this generation: instant gratification. Rather than have to work for something.
So, THEN, the computer guy calls and says my laptop is toast-you know, the one Shebitch threw to the ground TWICE.
Here's where it gets good!!!
The guy calls, apologizes profusely, "I know you've had it here for 5 days, I'm very sorry..." @ this point, I know exactly what to do. Notice: the guy never said there was a bench charge (go to Best Buy, they automatically charge $129 just to look at it), so...I saw the sign he had for $199 laptops and $99 desktops, refurbished but hey-once anyone looks @ your pc, it's refurbished. Add this to his being literally around the corner and...I whipped out 5 $20's and said "gimme THAT one." Perfectly good Dell Pentium 4, Windows XP, and best of all, if it goes south, he's right there. How easy was that??? For less than the cost of a repair, I'm gold! Thanks God!!! Thanks alot!!!
Core training last night, good class, one of the peeps spoke of Sunday's run, they wished me well. Nice of them. Came home, Stoney STILL @ the pc, hadn't eaten. FUCK!!! This parenting thing is work. Blessed work, but work nontheless. No more free time, not a second to yourself. It is what it is. @ least I didn't abandon him to go to a meeting.
Last run of the week, rest tomorrow and saturday. Expo tonight. One of the work peeps going to my place to scoop up Stoney, he, I, and my brotherfromanothermother will head to the Javits Center @ 4.
***the hard parts ISN'T running the marathon, the hard part is being a single parent, doing all the shit I gotta do, then running rhe marathon. It's actually 26.2 miles of peace. Most people will never understand that, they don't need to, that's good. No one should have to live with what I do.
OK, felt like shit after paying $543 to have a pipe valve changed to fix the drip drip drip in the basement, but hey, thank G that's one less worry. THEN, Stoney comes home from school yesterday SOAKED. There's an umbrella and poncho in his backpack. I hit the roof!!!
He KNEW I was pissed, so, bless him, he asked for help with his spanish h/w. Bad news was: he really wanted someone to do the work for him. He had a series of sentences to translate-god forbid he opens his book. THAT'S what he wanted-someone to sit next to him and translate, rather than crack a book. THAT'S (warning: old person line coming) the problem with this generation: instant gratification. Rather than have to work for something.
So, THEN, the computer guy calls and says my laptop is toast-you know, the one Shebitch threw to the ground TWICE.
Here's where it gets good!!!
The guy calls, apologizes profusely, "I know you've had it here for 5 days, I'm very sorry..." @ this point, I know exactly what to do. Notice: the guy never said there was a bench charge (go to Best Buy, they automatically charge $129 just to look at it), so...I saw the sign he had for $199 laptops and $99 desktops, refurbished but hey-once anyone looks @ your pc, it's refurbished. Add this to his being literally around the corner and...I whipped out 5 $20's and said "gimme THAT one." Perfectly good Dell Pentium 4, Windows XP, and best of all, if it goes south, he's right there. How easy was that??? For less than the cost of a repair, I'm gold! Thanks God!!! Thanks alot!!!
Core training last night, good class, one of the peeps spoke of Sunday's run, they wished me well. Nice of them. Came home, Stoney STILL @ the pc, hadn't eaten. FUCK!!! This parenting thing is work. Blessed work, but work nontheless. No more free time, not a second to yourself. It is what it is. @ least I didn't abandon him to go to a meeting.
Last run of the week, rest tomorrow and saturday. Expo tonight. One of the work peeps going to my place to scoop up Stoney, he, I, and my brotherfromanothermother will head to the Javits Center @ 4.
***the hard parts ISN'T running the marathon, the hard part is being a single parent, doing all the shit I gotta do, then running rhe marathon. It's actually 26.2 miles of peace. Most people will never understand that, they don't need to, that's good. No one should have to live with what I do.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
day 94
OUCH!!!!!
ok, so we THINK the leak from the oil burner is temporarily fixed-a band aid really. Tightenened something and the drip drip drip slowed to a crawl. Came home, checked the bucket, checked the pipe and...and...MORE drip, more water. Who do you call??? Tried one of the work peeps who knew someone who was s'posed to come saturday-this couldn't wait. No go, called the job, no one had his cell (figures, Murphy's Law). So, googled emerg plumbers, @ this point, called the first name on the list, they said they'd be there in an hour. They were there in 30, fixed the prob, and were out by 6 pm. THAT was the good news. The bad news: the part they installed-one that Tom said he could do, was $453. Total bill: $543. SHIT. THINK you're making progress toward paying down your debts and......... THIS is the kinda shit I get pissed @ Shebitch for. Why? I LOVE doing shit for the house, but with It in it, it doesn't pay. I.E. When the plumber saw the state of the basement his eyes popped out-and THAT was after I cleaned up!!!!! The good news? At least I can leave the house without worrying about the basement being submerged (CAN a basement BE submerged???).
Adding insult to injury, It called, to speak to Stoney of course. And, of course, it made him behave oddly-it figures-he knows he's in the middle, knows things are tranquil with It outta the picture, but It IS his mother-if in name only.
Rain this am-tellin' ya, Murphy's Law. Was scheduled to be the last run before The Big One, oh well. Another rest day.
Thank GOD for the Y. Core training tonight. Manana the CARF surveyors come, fun watching the pinheads scuttle about JUST because we're being inspected. We should do our best everyday, this is nothing.
ok, so we THINK the leak from the oil burner is temporarily fixed-a band aid really. Tightenened something and the drip drip drip slowed to a crawl. Came home, checked the bucket, checked the pipe and...and...MORE drip, more water. Who do you call??? Tried one of the work peeps who knew someone who was s'posed to come saturday-this couldn't wait. No go, called the job, no one had his cell (figures, Murphy's Law). So, googled emerg plumbers, @ this point, called the first name on the list, they said they'd be there in an hour. They were there in 30, fixed the prob, and were out by 6 pm. THAT was the good news. The bad news: the part they installed-one that Tom said he could do, was $453. Total bill: $543. SHIT. THINK you're making progress toward paying down your debts and......... THIS is the kinda shit I get pissed @ Shebitch for. Why? I LOVE doing shit for the house, but with It in it, it doesn't pay. I.E. When the plumber saw the state of the basement his eyes popped out-and THAT was after I cleaned up!!!!! The good news? At least I can leave the house without worrying about the basement being submerged (CAN a basement BE submerged???).
Adding insult to injury, It called, to speak to Stoney of course. And, of course, it made him behave oddly-it figures-he knows he's in the middle, knows things are tranquil with It outta the picture, but It IS his mother-if in name only.
Rain this am-tellin' ya, Murphy's Law. Was scheduled to be the last run before The Big One, oh well. Another rest day.
Thank GOD for the Y. Core training tonight. Manana the CARF surveyors come, fun watching the pinheads scuttle about JUST because we're being inspected. We should do our best everyday, this is nothing.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
day 93
sometimes you just gotta put one foot in front of the other...........
it works!!! It REALLY does. Was REALLY down yesterday, with Stoney sick, the boiler dripping and the neighbor's bush growing over the fence onto my garage's roof, I was loooooooooow. But...gotta stick it out. My brotherfromanothermother had called Sunday axin' if we wanted to do sumtin', so of course I said sure (REALLY wanted to chillax and be ALONE, but Stoney comes first n' I KNOW he needs to get out more).
Sooooo, we went to "vegas for kids," Dave n' Busters. Had a BLAST!!!!!! Spent a fortune, but well worth it. One of the things on the "to do" list was bowling, they have an alley there. Way cool. Thanks Tom, got me outta myself.
He helped get rid of that branch as well. What a guy. Has a week off and wants to hang with me. Masochist.
Stoney really benefits. Though he was too sick for school, he of course wasn't THAT sick. Hee hee. THIS really is what it's all about, and why I'll never understand Shebitch. Doing shit together is what it's all about, whether sitting down to dinner, going somewhere/doing something, or just being together @ home. It does none of these, putting It's selfish needs first-abandoning Stoney to go to a meeting, to go to___wherever. Never cooking, never spending any qt with him. I love it, he's Gilligan to my Skipper.
Going to the expo Thursday 4 ish.
St.Francis this am, again, feeling better.
RAIN!!! SHIT! But, this is good. Got my run in, for ONCE I beat the moisture. Way to go G. I'll spare us all the trouble of reading that "Footprints" bullshit, but it IS true. AND, with the off and on rain predicted, I no longer havta worry 'bout those goddamned branches rubbing against the roof, eventually causing a hole.
I feel bad Stoney's gotta walk to school in the rain but hey, don't be a pussy.
it works!!! It REALLY does. Was REALLY down yesterday, with Stoney sick, the boiler dripping and the neighbor's bush growing over the fence onto my garage's roof, I was loooooooooow. But...gotta stick it out. My brotherfromanothermother had called Sunday axin' if we wanted to do sumtin', so of course I said sure (REALLY wanted to chillax and be ALONE, but Stoney comes first n' I KNOW he needs to get out more).
Sooooo, we went to "vegas for kids," Dave n' Busters. Had a BLAST!!!!!! Spent a fortune, but well worth it. One of the things on the "to do" list was bowling, they have an alley there. Way cool. Thanks Tom, got me outta myself.
He helped get rid of that branch as well. What a guy. Has a week off and wants to hang with me. Masochist.
Stoney really benefits. Though he was too sick for school, he of course wasn't THAT sick. Hee hee. THIS really is what it's all about, and why I'll never understand Shebitch. Doing shit together is what it's all about, whether sitting down to dinner, going somewhere/doing something, or just being together @ home. It does none of these, putting It's selfish needs first-abandoning Stoney to go to a meeting, to go to___wherever. Never cooking, never spending any qt with him. I love it, he's Gilligan to my Skipper.
Going to the expo Thursday 4 ish.
St.Francis this am, again, feeling better.
RAIN!!! SHIT! But, this is good. Got my run in, for ONCE I beat the moisture. Way to go G. I'll spare us all the trouble of reading that "Footprints" bullshit, but it IS true. AND, with the off and on rain predicted, I no longer havta worry 'bout those goddamned branches rubbing against the roof, eventually causing a hole.
I feel bad Stoney's gotta walk to school in the rain but hey, don't be a pussy.
Monday, October 26, 2009
day 92
5 days until The Big One. So far so good. Back to St.Francis, crisp, cool morning. Felt good. Right knee, again, bothering me, but hey-life hurts.
Stoney home from school, throwing up and the runs-so he claims. With the positive urines, I'd of course like to believe him, but at this stage, don't know what to think. He's a teenager who previously boasted of fooling Sybil into giving him a day off. MORE shit to deal with. And some of my peeps biggest problem is feeling bored. Jeeeez. WISH I had that problem. @ home, there's ALWAYS something to do: empty the bucket which collects the run off from the boiler, cook for Stoney, clean, shop, do the laundry.........it never ends. Then, juuust when you think you got it together, a text saying he puked. SHIT.
I'm exhausted. Truly, utterly, completely spent. Nothing's in the tank.
Stoney home from school, throwing up and the runs-so he claims. With the positive urines, I'd of course like to believe him, but at this stage, don't know what to think. He's a teenager who previously boasted of fooling Sybil into giving him a day off. MORE shit to deal with. And some of my peeps biggest problem is feeling bored. Jeeeez. WISH I had that problem. @ home, there's ALWAYS something to do: empty the bucket which collects the run off from the boiler, cook for Stoney, clean, shop, do the laundry.........it never ends. Then, juuust when you think you got it together, a text saying he puked. SHIT.
I'm exhausted. Truly, utterly, completely spent. Nothing's in the tank.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
day 91
weekend's a wrap!!! Now, chillax n' it's done.
Did the Poland Spring run this am. 5m pre-marathon race in which we run the last 5m of The Big One. Perfect day for it!!!! Crisp, clear, not at all like yesterday. Now, just gotta NOT get hurt 'til next Sunday.
Took Stoney to see Paranormal Activity. I STILL wanna see Where the Wild Things Are, but he wanted to see this crap, n' I mean CRAP. Boooooooooring. But, more father/son time. It was a beautiful day, he was happy hangin' out indoors, jeeeeeeeez.
Did the Poland Spring run this am. 5m pre-marathon race in which we run the last 5m of The Big One. Perfect day for it!!!! Crisp, clear, not at all like yesterday. Now, just gotta NOT get hurt 'til next Sunday.
Took Stoney to see Paranormal Activity. I STILL wanna see Where the Wild Things Are, but he wanted to see this crap, n' I mean CRAP. Boooooooooring. But, more father/son time. It was a beautiful day, he was happy hangin' out indoors, jeeeeeeeez.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
day 90
so, Stoney comes home with his weekly progress report, signed/sealed/delivered. He had a good week, teachers verifies it, we went out for pizza (for him, salad for me) and a movie (Saw 6, YESSS!!! Blooooood and more blooooooood).
Up this am @ the crack of dawn and...and... RAIN! FUCK! Was ready to bail on the Nike run, but, no. KNEW if I bailed it'd stop raining the second I got home, so went, hooked up with my brotherfromanothermother, and off we went. No rain. NICE!!! At least not until after, this pm: RAIN! That's ok, it was a great run in Prospect Park. Yay!!!
Glad I didn't bail.
7 days to go kiddies. The Big One Looms!!!
Up this am @ the crack of dawn and...and... RAIN! FUCK! Was ready to bail on the Nike run, but, no. KNEW if I bailed it'd stop raining the second I got home, so went, hooked up with my brotherfromanothermother, and off we went. No rain. NICE!!! At least not until after, this pm: RAIN! That's ok, it was a great run in Prospect Park. Yay!!!
Glad I didn't bail.
7 days to go kiddies. The Big One Looms!!!
Friday, October 23, 2009
day 89
week one is done. Made it. Stoney didn't get arrested, didn't get into any trouble. I WAS pissed he didn't do weights yesterday, but that's my problem not his. Que paso? In gym, they ran a mile. Whoo-hoo!!! But for one who's biggest exercise is walking from the den to the bathroom.........He did his homework, we ate dinner, he took a nap. He was wiped. Yes, I found it hilarious, but kind'a sad as well. THIS is the state of our youth.
I'm sad for him-with the whole grounded thing, but, with him @ home, I know where he is and don't havta worry.
Today, he brings his progress report for each teacher to sign. If he follows through-dinner and a movie, if not, he's stays in.
Rest day today, gearing up for the weekend. Gotta let the knee chillax.
I'm sad for him-with the whole grounded thing, but, with him @ home, I know where he is and don't havta worry.
Today, he brings his progress report for each teacher to sign. If he follows through-dinner and a movie, if not, he's stays in.
Rest day today, gearing up for the weekend. Gotta let the knee chillax.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
day 88
St.Francis this am, last of the week, felt good, but right knee is kicking up. Not good.
God bless Stoney for being the resilient little bastard he is.. Tough mutha. Really stepped up yesterday.
Gearing up for the big AP Pasta dinner-the pre Marathon thing. Getting excited, yet, concerned. Don't wanna leave Stoney alone for that extended period, but I have little choice. That means he'll be essentially alone all day.
Last night core training, tonight, weights with Stoney. Bless the little bastard.
God bless Stoney for being the resilient little bastard he is.. Tough mutha. Really stepped up yesterday.
Gearing up for the big AP Pasta dinner-the pre Marathon thing. Getting excited, yet, concerned. Don't wanna leave Stoney alone for that extended period, but I have little choice. That means he'll be essentially alone all day.
Last night core training, tonight, weights with Stoney. Bless the little bastard.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
this just in!
was gonna KILL Stoney about the bad progress report and his lack of follow up. E mailed him this am, about how awful I feel about his having to go to school alone, then (Wednesdays only) has to come home to an empty house. He emails in response: "Don't be a faggot, it is what it is. Nut up or shut up." MY MAN!!!! The kid gots stones!!!!! Redeemed himself/saved himself some major hell.
day 87
thank GOD for running. Dunno what I'd do if I didn't get out.
Imagine having to do everything yourself, then do everything for another person as well. That's what I'm up against. The good part, as I explained to Stoney's guidance counselor, at least when I'm parenting Stoney I no longer have a shrieking harpie behind him contradicting everything I say. But it IS difficult. Today, like every am, he will walk to school, waking up in an empty house. Sucks. But he IS 14, an age at which independence is balanced with the last gasps of childhood. Ok, so he goes to school, THEN, he'll have the meeting with his English teacher and Guidance Counselor. OUCH. But this is what must happen. He needs to tighten up. No wonder. Did Shebitch EVER even peruse his homework????? And as you know, that's only the tip of the iceberg re: Its non parenting. What hurts today is I won't be there when he comes home, but this isn't entirely a bad thing either. I'm sure he'll welcome having some space. But it IS nice to sit together as we did @ dinner last night. First time I can remember he didn't even put the tv on until 10pm. He did his homework, we ate, we did weights (THAT was a howl), and then he went on the computer. A great day for him and I as a unit, not great day as a student.
I gotta hang in there. As you know, took the day off yesterday to set the house straight, no small task. Did the lawn, swept up the leaves, cleaned his room, put away his clothes. As of 2 pm, the house was tight. Of course I was exhausted, but when Stoney came up the front steps, wind was again behind my sails. REALLY glad Its out of the picture. AND, guess how THAT worked????? It got a lift from one of Its groupies, without so much as indicating where It was going for the procedures. Good. Totally out of the picture this way.
By the time I got to St.Francis this am, I felt like the guy in the desert seeing an oasis for the first time. MAN did I need that. Unfortunately, RAIN predicted for the weekend. But it's ok, that should be my biggest problem.
Imagine having to do everything yourself, then do everything for another person as well. That's what I'm up against. The good part, as I explained to Stoney's guidance counselor, at least when I'm parenting Stoney I no longer have a shrieking harpie behind him contradicting everything I say. But it IS difficult. Today, like every am, he will walk to school, waking up in an empty house. Sucks. But he IS 14, an age at which independence is balanced with the last gasps of childhood. Ok, so he goes to school, THEN, he'll have the meeting with his English teacher and Guidance Counselor. OUCH. But this is what must happen. He needs to tighten up. No wonder. Did Shebitch EVER even peruse his homework????? And as you know, that's only the tip of the iceberg re: Its non parenting. What hurts today is I won't be there when he comes home, but this isn't entirely a bad thing either. I'm sure he'll welcome having some space. But it IS nice to sit together as we did @ dinner last night. First time I can remember he didn't even put the tv on until 10pm. He did his homework, we ate, we did weights (THAT was a howl), and then he went on the computer. A great day for him and I as a unit, not great day as a student.
I gotta hang in there. As you know, took the day off yesterday to set the house straight, no small task. Did the lawn, swept up the leaves, cleaned his room, put away his clothes. As of 2 pm, the house was tight. Of course I was exhausted, but when Stoney came up the front steps, wind was again behind my sails. REALLY glad Its out of the picture. AND, guess how THAT worked????? It got a lift from one of Its groupies, without so much as indicating where It was going for the procedures. Good. Totally out of the picture this way.
By the time I got to St.Francis this am, I felt like the guy in the desert seeing an oasis for the first time. MAN did I need that. Unfortunately, RAIN predicted for the weekend. But it's ok, that should be my biggest problem.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
day 86, D Day
today It goes into the hospital, again. Today I officially become a single parent, still.
They, It and Stoney, went out to dinner last night, nice. I sat and watched the Yankee game, wasn't invited-obviously. Spent the commercials reading Its journal, a.k.a. "diary of a victim," actually had the tits to rant about "The Chicken Incident," went on about how I had the balls to cook chicken It had purchased. All this written watching the cable I pay for, with the electricity I pay for, in the house I pay for. What a victim. Cry me a river.
St.Francis this am, then off for the rest of the day. "Off" being a relative term;" gotta do the lawn, trim branches, rake, all the shit males get to do while the victim continues listing various things I should be doing. Jeeeez, can't hospitals have earlier admissions?????
Did the lawn, cleaned out the garage (Stoney asked if we could do weights, I said I had a bench in the garage, but needed to rid the debris-no small task, but great incentive n'esy pas?). So, there I am feeling good, until...until...mail. Stoney's progress report: passing half, borderline on half, failing one. THEN, got a call from his school. FUCK me. Single parenting SUCKS. Had to straighten him out after I explained to the school the shit we live with. Amazes me how some people go on the talk show circuit, write books about their "courageous fight," while the rest of us live quietly in the midst of The Fight.
They, It and Stoney, went out to dinner last night, nice. I sat and watched the Yankee game, wasn't invited-obviously. Spent the commercials reading Its journal, a.k.a. "diary of a victim," actually had the tits to rant about "The Chicken Incident," went on about how I had the balls to cook chicken It had purchased. All this written watching the cable I pay for, with the electricity I pay for, in the house I pay for. What a victim. Cry me a river.
St.Francis this am, then off for the rest of the day. "Off" being a relative term;" gotta do the lawn, trim branches, rake, all the shit males get to do while the victim continues listing various things I should be doing. Jeeeez, can't hospitals have earlier admissions?????
Did the lawn, cleaned out the garage (Stoney asked if we could do weights, I said I had a bench in the garage, but needed to rid the debris-no small task, but great incentive n'esy pas?). So, there I am feeling good, until...until...mail. Stoney's progress report: passing half, borderline on half, failing one. THEN, got a call from his school. FUCK me. Single parenting SUCKS. Had to straighten him out after I explained to the school the shit we live with. Amazes me how some people go on the talk show circuit, write books about their "courageous fight," while the rest of us live quietly in the midst of The Fight.
Monday, October 19, 2009
day 85
one more day.
Tomorrow, everything changes. Not sure whether to feel as though I'm walking to the gallows, or awaiting my imminent release from a long prison term. This IS odd. Either way, I'm dreading the responsibility. It'll all be on me, for better or for worse.
10 this am, wasn't raining, cool, crisp morning, felt good. Gloves today, yes kiddies, the seasons have changed.
This way of life is taking its toll. Stoney tells me Pete stopped by earlier today. How wonderful to have your brother stop by your home and you didn't even know. Things like this remind me of just how much It's fucked my life.
REALLY glad I did what I did when I did. Translation: the year I did a marathon a month-good thing I used my freedom when I had it. The nights I'd stay in Manhattan overnight. All that's gone. Stoney is totally my responsibility. I can't be away from him for too long, especially now that he's grounded. The WORST is beeing a teenager and feeling ignored. Never gonna happen. I think of all the days It left him to fend for himself, wrong. Dead wrong. Hope I do ok.
***See below, Polansky sent a pic from Oysterfesy '09. With a look like that on my mug, don't need a costume for Halloween.
Tomorrow, everything changes. Not sure whether to feel as though I'm walking to the gallows, or awaiting my imminent release from a long prison term. This IS odd. Either way, I'm dreading the responsibility. It'll all be on me, for better or for worse.
10 this am, wasn't raining, cool, crisp morning, felt good. Gloves today, yes kiddies, the seasons have changed.
This way of life is taking its toll. Stoney tells me Pete stopped by earlier today. How wonderful to have your brother stop by your home and you didn't even know. Things like this remind me of just how much It's fucked my life.
REALLY glad I did what I did when I did. Translation: the year I did a marathon a month-good thing I used my freedom when I had it. The nights I'd stay in Manhattan overnight. All that's gone. Stoney is totally my responsibility. I can't be away from him for too long, especially now that he's grounded. The WORST is beeing a teenager and feeling ignored. Never gonna happen. I think of all the days It left him to fend for himself, wrong. Dead wrong. Hope I do ok.
***See below, Polansky sent a pic from Oysterfesy '09. With a look like that on my mug, don't need a costume for Halloween.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
day 84
2 days to go!!!!! Starting to get down to the wire here. Do I have enough $$$ to carry the household??? Why didn't Shebitch call the oil company????? How am I gonna make it alone? Fuck it, same as I always did eh kiddies???
RAIN this am, SHIT!!! Got a call from my brotherfromanothermother. God bless you Tom. Whenever I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, my peeps are there. He called to see what color the grass was on my side of the fence. When he saw I was cashing it in, cutting my losses (going to the gym), he was doing the same. Funny, god forBID we take a day off, nooooooooo, gotta do something! So, spinning, weights, and ellip. Felt good.
Thank G it rained, was gonna do a race, the one in Malverne, but, didn't prereg, so I was free-and NOT muddy!!!
And, continuing the yin/yang, came home, made Stoney dinner, and then...we did weights. COOL!!!
RAIN this am, SHIT!!! Got a call from my brotherfromanothermother. God bless you Tom. Whenever I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, my peeps are there. He called to see what color the grass was on my side of the fence. When he saw I was cashing it in, cutting my losses (going to the gym), he was doing the same. Funny, god forBID we take a day off, nooooooooo, gotta do something! So, spinning, weights, and ellip. Felt good.
Thank G it rained, was gonna do a race, the one in Malverne, but, didn't prereg, so I was free-and NOT muddy!!!
And, continuing the yin/yang, came home, made Stoney dinner, and then...we did weights. COOL!!!
Saturday, October 17, 2009
day 83
Did the Republic Airport 5k last night, then the Oyster Fest 5k this am. Felt good. These are fun runs. Pure and simple. Do them for the sake of doing something to break up the monotony of The Line. But, Yin and Yang as always.
Yin: Last night a peep says they brought their bag, and will be spending the night @ my house. ????? Didn't happen of course, I disappeared. This am, same peep @ the next race, asked why I'd disappeared. I felt AWFUL that they felt deceived, but.............
Yang: Paul's daughter finished @ Geneseo, is pursuing her law degree @ St.John's, lives near Cunningham. Hmmm, the newest Strider?????
More Yang: Stoney wants to use the weight bench in the garage. YAY!!!!! The only prob: it'll take some work to clear of amassed debris, but it's his for his use.
Feel awful about the "sleeping @ my place" thing, but hey, boundaries ARE boundaries.
No rain yet, YAYYYYYY!!!!! Sick of this fuckinggoddamned rain.
Yin: Last night a peep says they brought their bag, and will be spending the night @ my house. ????? Didn't happen of course, I disappeared. This am, same peep @ the next race, asked why I'd disappeared. I felt AWFUL that they felt deceived, but.............
Yang: Paul's daughter finished @ Geneseo, is pursuing her law degree @ St.John's, lives near Cunningham. Hmmm, the newest Strider?????
More Yang: Stoney wants to use the weight bench in the garage. YAY!!!!! The only prob: it'll take some work to clear of amassed debris, but it's his for his use.
Feel awful about the "sleeping @ my place" thing, but hey, boundaries ARE boundaries.
No rain yet, YAYYYYYY!!!!! Sick of this fuckinggoddamned rain.
Friday, October 16, 2009
day 82
4 days to go, starting to count the hours. And, of course, it's cold and rainy, lovely.
Day off, literally. Thank G for the rain!!!!! Of course, night's another matter entirely. "Not So Midnight" run tonight. For some reason these always are either cold or rainy, but fun nontheless.
Getting the kiddies together for a mini roadtrip, see "Where the Wild Things Are," awaiting a response from 2 peeps then we're there!
Day off, literally. Thank G for the rain!!!!! Of course, night's another matter entirely. "Not So Midnight" run tonight. For some reason these always are either cold or rainy, but fun nontheless.
Getting the kiddies together for a mini roadtrip, see "Where the Wild Things Are," awaiting a response from 2 peeps then we're there!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
day 81
a handful of days to go. Last night they went to Red Lobster. No big whoop, until you put 2 and 2 together. It SCREAMS about the almighty chicken getting cooked (meanwhile, spouts "don't sweat the small stuff to Its groupies), then goes out to dinner, again. Making it a point to have gone shopping for products that in no way involve the person paying the mortgage. No kiddies, not even vegetables. I'm talking: if it involves me: fuhgeddaboudit. This hurts more than I can describe. People think I exaggerate. They go out to dinner, yet It can't buy a friggin' box of crackers. Amazing. Utterly amazing. Tuesday life begins anew.
St.Francis + this am, 10 total. This pm into Saturday morning rain predicted. SHIT.
Len was doing hill work. I like his system: does it by time, with downhills used for recovery. SUCH a nice guy, a black Tom.
Core training went well last night. Funny, the first class in this cycle was PACKED, now there's 4 of us. Good. That's my attitude toward running as well. Either you're there, or to hell with you. Life's too short.
St.Francis + this am, 10 total. This pm into Saturday morning rain predicted. SHIT.
Len was doing hill work. I like his system: does it by time, with downhills used for recovery. SUCH a nice guy, a black Tom.
Core training went well last night. Funny, the first class in this cycle was PACKED, now there's 4 of us. Good. That's my attitude toward running as well. Either you're there, or to hell with you. Life's too short.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
day 80
dinner was magnificent: slab o' beef + veggies. Laid off the carbs, subbed double green beans instead-props there-no rubber veggies, al dente. You humans might be onto something with this whole eating thing.
Of course Shebitch going off-and I mean OFF before still stings. In front of Stoney again, no class at all. Can't wait 'til Tuesday-neither can he. You KNOW it's toxic when your son prefers the dog over you. Good taste kiddo.
St.Francis this am, cool. Barely broke a sweat. LOVE this weather. Tonight: core training.
Feel good that despite all the crap I hang in there. Gotta. And again, my brotherfromanothermother calls just when I needed it-and I AM horrible with the phone. Bless you Tom. JUST as I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders (Shebitch SCREAMING that I had the balls to cook ITS chicken, lawn need cutting, trees need pruning.........doesn't anyone do anything here but me?????) he called and said he covered The Marathon bus. He'll never know.
Reason #2: so many peeps have dropped from the scene. We used to be a tighter knit group, but peeps retreated to their little worlds, insulating themselves. Pity. Their loss.
Of course Shebitch going off-and I mean OFF before still stings. In front of Stoney again, no class at all. Can't wait 'til Tuesday-neither can he. You KNOW it's toxic when your son prefers the dog over you. Good taste kiddo.
St.Francis this am, cool. Barely broke a sweat. LOVE this weather. Tonight: core training.
Feel good that despite all the crap I hang in there. Gotta. And again, my brotherfromanothermother calls just when I needed it-and I AM horrible with the phone. Bless you Tom. JUST as I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders (Shebitch SCREAMING that I had the balls to cook ITS chicken, lawn need cutting, trees need pruning.........doesn't anyone do anything here but me?????) he called and said he covered The Marathon bus. He'll never know.
Reason #2: so many peeps have dropped from the scene. We used to be a tighter knit group, but peeps retreated to their little worlds, insulating themselves. Pity. Their loss.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
day 79, one week to go
until It enters the hospital for either curing or the last time.
10 this am, evened out the weekend's 5k's. St.Francis + Teamquantumbrickwellfeet's 5k course. @ first the am looked dicey, was sprinkling @ Toxichouse, but per usual, when approaching Queens, nothing. Nice. Another Hooded sweatshirt/shorts am, 46 degs. Gotta acclimate, but don't wanna be uncomfortable. Odd that-when things were as normal as they ever were in Hicksville, didn't mind the cold as much. Now, I got enough crap in my life to last 5 lifetimes, not tolerating more than I gotta.
Knees holding up, ready to accept a shit pace for the sake of saving my knees. Do I wanna chase an unattainable dream, or run for years? Hmmmm.
Stoney's home from school-big surprise. Never eats veggies, never exercises, jeeeeez.
Tonight, out for dinner. Boys night out. The team heard about birthday @ Toxichouse (not one fucking gift, feel so rewarded when I pay the mortgage) they're taking me for "after eating this you'll have a stroke" steak. Ruth's Chris or Smith & Wollensky. Bless 'em.
***Can a week pass more quickly??? Made the mistake of occupying the same space as Shebitch-BIG error. It went shopping last night, brought home chicken, and...are you sitting...I cooked it! Bastard aren't I? For this I get torn yet another new one. Among other choice things, I'm told I'm cheap, I'm________ just fill in your favorite expletive. Follow this by a litany of "my my my," as in a distinct and clear seperation of belongings here. Great example for a kid n'est pas??? As in "the chicken wasn't for you, you cooked MY chicken." Amazing. Utterly amazing. And no, I didn't respond with "You're using my electricity, in my house, watching my cable."
Yin/Yang: Tom called. Bless him, paid for the bus to the start of the marathon.
10 this am, evened out the weekend's 5k's. St.Francis + Teamquantumbrickwellfeet's 5k course. @ first the am looked dicey, was sprinkling @ Toxichouse, but per usual, when approaching Queens, nothing. Nice. Another Hooded sweatshirt/shorts am, 46 degs. Gotta acclimate, but don't wanna be uncomfortable. Odd that-when things were as normal as they ever were in Hicksville, didn't mind the cold as much. Now, I got enough crap in my life to last 5 lifetimes, not tolerating more than I gotta.
Knees holding up, ready to accept a shit pace for the sake of saving my knees. Do I wanna chase an unattainable dream, or run for years? Hmmmm.
Stoney's home from school-big surprise. Never eats veggies, never exercises, jeeeeez.
Tonight, out for dinner. Boys night out. The team heard about birthday @ Toxichouse (not one fucking gift, feel so rewarded when I pay the mortgage) they're taking me for "after eating this you'll have a stroke" steak. Ruth's Chris or Smith & Wollensky. Bless 'em.
***Can a week pass more quickly??? Made the mistake of occupying the same space as Shebitch-BIG error. It went shopping last night, brought home chicken, and...are you sitting...I cooked it! Bastard aren't I? For this I get torn yet another new one. Among other choice things, I'm told I'm cheap, I'm________ just fill in your favorite expletive. Follow this by a litany of "my my my," as in a distinct and clear seperation of belongings here. Great example for a kid n'est pas??? As in "the chicken wasn't for you, you cooked MY chicken." Amazing. Utterly amazing. And no, I didn't respond with "You're using my electricity, in my house, watching my cable."
Yin/Yang: Tom called. Bless him, paid for the bus to the start of the marathon.
Monday, October 12, 2009
day 78
BEAUTIFUL morning, shorts and hooded sweatshirt (DO NOT even THINK "hoodie," annoying, uniquely caucasian word.) Was 45 degs when I hit The Line. YUMMMMM. REALLY felt good. Needed it after the weekend's 5k's. Bullshit distances, so after The Big One, I should use them as speed runs, and accept no less than 8:30. Prob is with these running shoes, it's tough to get any speed-they're like cinderblocks, but the trade off is worth it-knees feel good. What price speed???
Reality check: with the passing of yet another weekend, comes our "back down to earth" moment. Feeling really good that I'm down to one credit card with a balance, a sub $2,000 balance at that. Prob will occur in 8 days. THIS is when the weight of the world comes down. It enters the hospital, either to get cured or not to, the final solution-or not. This leaves me holding the bag. Remember, after the stem cell implants, rather than give the dog to a friend, It is choosing to abandon us and live with others for 2 months. This is GREAT for the house, we'll go from "Toxichouse" to "home," but this leaves me to do everything. Normal people would take 2 months off, I can't. I won't.
Got my # for The Big One. Good news: I'm in the first section, bad news: of the last wave. I'll be starting 'round 10:30.
***Pics from Get to the Point just added, see bottom.
Reality check: with the passing of yet another weekend, comes our "back down to earth" moment. Feeling really good that I'm down to one credit card with a balance, a sub $2,000 balance at that. Prob will occur in 8 days. THIS is when the weight of the world comes down. It enters the hospital, either to get cured or not to, the final solution-or not. This leaves me holding the bag. Remember, after the stem cell implants, rather than give the dog to a friend, It is choosing to abandon us and live with others for 2 months. This is GREAT for the house, we'll go from "Toxichouse" to "home," but this leaves me to do everything. Normal people would take 2 months off, I can't. I won't.
Got my # for The Big One. Good news: I'm in the first section, bad news: of the last wave. I'll be starting 'round 10:30.
***Pics from Get to the Point just added, see bottom.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
day 77
age has its benefits!!!
OK, getting used to this "I'm in the aarp generation" thing. The beauty of it: you leave the bullshit to the young'uns. This 5k was a perfect example. Had ALOT of fun with the Wearers of the Green, it's not often I spend time with ANYONE without praying I was elsewhere. With the peeps, I enjoyed their company, to the point that I didn't want it to end. Finishing @ 8:30 was a possibility, but chose to drag my ass and make a point by being the last of 3 Striders. REALLY had fun with them, but, the race has gotten so big, we were @ the end of the chow line-THAT sucked-30 minutes. Ouch. Bit of a disappointment there, by the time we got our plates, there wasn't much left. BUT, the enthusiasm of the organizers IS infectious, you can't NOT have a good time.
OK, getting used to this "I'm in the aarp generation" thing. The beauty of it: you leave the bullshit to the young'uns. This 5k was a perfect example. Had ALOT of fun with the Wearers of the Green, it's not often I spend time with ANYONE without praying I was elsewhere. With the peeps, I enjoyed their company, to the point that I didn't want it to end. Finishing @ 8:30 was a possibility, but chose to drag my ass and make a point by being the last of 3 Striders. REALLY had fun with them, but, the race has gotten so big, we were @ the end of the chow line-THAT sucked-30 minutes. Ouch. Bit of a disappointment there, by the time we got our plates, there wasn't much left. BUT, the enthusiasm of the organizers IS infectious, you can't NOT have a good time.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
day 76
Didn't QUITE know which direction to take this am. Need the miles, but this is the day before a race. So.........compromised, did a 5k as a warm up, the Dennis Cross 5k-another of those 9-11 runs. Flat, Islip Terrace. Felt good, shit time, but felt good.
Took Stoney to see Zombieland. Dying to see it AGAIN!!!!!
Nut up or shut up.
Took Stoney to see Zombieland. Dying to see it AGAIN!!!!!
Nut up or shut up.
Friday, October 9, 2009
day 75
tgif!!! The weekend looks like alot of fun, we have the mini Strider roadtrip Sunday, rain this pm into manana am, so manana MIGHT be a rest day. Need the miles, but the day before a race, I dunno. Should I kill my time for a 5k, in order to be better prepped for The Big One? Or run shorter-if at all-manana? Rain might come to the rescue.
Made Stoney NUTS yesterday. Told him I'd call the school to find out why they called me, and we'd discuss it when I got home. He texted me no less than 9 times yesterday!!! He's def related to me, HATES the "we'll discuss it later" shit, the mind takes that ball and really runs with it.
THEN I get a call from the school re: he'd been missing for 8th period.
THEN he texts me-thinking he texted one of his friends (putz), the text reads:
"idk Joey said he might be able to get it for you. And na I'm prolly not even going to anymore lol, atleast for the next few weeks cuz I wanna get out and I gotta test - ." (his spelling etc...)
can't WAIT til the teens are over.
Made Stoney NUTS yesterday. Told him I'd call the school to find out why they called me, and we'd discuss it when I got home. He texted me no less than 9 times yesterday!!! He's def related to me, HATES the "we'll discuss it later" shit, the mind takes that ball and really runs with it.
THEN I get a call from the school re: he'd been missing for 8th period.
THEN he texts me-thinking he texted one of his friends (putz), the text reads:
"idk Joey said he might be able to get it for you. And na I'm prolly not even going to anymore lol, atleast for the next few weeks cuz I wanna get out and I gotta test - ." (his spelling etc...)
can't WAIT til the teens are over.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
day 74
Vlad The Impaler
So now I torture Stoney.
Come back to Toxichouse after core training last night-interesting to note how the class downsizes after the start of each new cycle, Stoney's on the couch playing whatever video game shebitch bought (buy more games, don't DO anything with your son), I ask "where's the dog?" He shrugs his shoulders. I ask why the high school tried claling me, he again, denies anything. I hit the roof. The dog is in the den waiting to be let out-the dog he wanted/begged for/made a bunch of bullshit promises for. This, in addition to doing NOTHING but playing video games got me pissed. Shebitch comes home, and rather than back a parenting strategy, asks why I'm torturing my son. Amazing. Utterly amazing. These are the moments in which I feel alone, totally, completely alone. SOMEONE has to do the parenting, and when undertaken, you get sabotaged.
On the good news front, we have a mini club roadtrip to Brooklyn Sunday for the glutton 5k. FUN!!! Thbis one rocks no matter the weather.
St.Francis this am-treacherous. Heavy wind last night, made for high knees to avoid branches.
So now I torture Stoney.
Come back to Toxichouse after core training last night-interesting to note how the class downsizes after the start of each new cycle, Stoney's on the couch playing whatever video game shebitch bought (buy more games, don't DO anything with your son), I ask "where's the dog?" He shrugs his shoulders. I ask why the high school tried claling me, he again, denies anything. I hit the roof. The dog is in the den waiting to be let out-the dog he wanted/begged for/made a bunch of bullshit promises for. This, in addition to doing NOTHING but playing video games got me pissed. Shebitch comes home, and rather than back a parenting strategy, asks why I'm torturing my son. Amazing. Utterly amazing. These are the moments in which I feel alone, totally, completely alone. SOMEONE has to do the parenting, and when undertaken, you get sabotaged.
On the good news front, we have a mini club roadtrip to Brooklyn Sunday for the glutton 5k. FUN!!! Thbis one rocks no matter the weather.
St.Francis this am-treacherous. Heavy wind last night, made for high knees to avoid branches.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
day 73
does 50 + 1 feel any different? No. Same me, for better or for worse. I prefer to think "for better."
Keep thinking of the Billy Joel line about Angry Young Man, thinking still being in "the game" is enough. Don't gotta aim for windmills.
Had a delightful evening. Beyond what I'd thought up. This is the key: expect nothing. So, I took the ball and ran with it. Arranged for dinner out, went for the 20 oz. Porterhouse (should'a had the 32 ounce, yummmmmm, double veggies, no carbs hee hee. You CAN be a healthy glutton), then went to see The Invention of Lying. Amazing flick, based on the concept of there is no god, what if you made him up? In this flick he's known as "the man in the sky," and churches as "places where you worship the man in the sky." VERY funny. Well done. Quite a lovely night.
Back to Toxichouse. Now, I'd left the crackberry in the truck, didn't wanna spoil the evening. LOTS of voicemail, shit @ work, and a message from Stoney. Turns out Shebitch wanted to take me to dinner. Now, take a second or two kiddies. Let this sink in....either it's screaming bloody murder that I'm scum and Its pro bono attorney is going to..........or I'm being taken to dinner. This is what I live with. This is why I took the ball and ran with it re: my birthday plans. I couldn't leave it to chance or Its mood. Deserved a nice evening, so we had one. No, it isn't easy, yes, it IS worth it.
BIG NEWS: It goes in hospital 10-20. This is the big stay, one month. Either it comes out the other end or doesn't. Here is where the rubber hits the road and I become an island with the weight of the world on my shoulders-i.e. Stoney. Hope I can be a good Father/Mother/peep. Thank God I have my people with me, I'd be crushed if not. They kept me from doing what I wanted to yesterday. REALLY kept me out of my own way.
(don't think the waitress will ever be the same, $40 tip on a $50 tab). Hadda share the celebratory nature of the day!!!
Keep thinking of the Billy Joel line about Angry Young Man, thinking still being in "the game" is enough. Don't gotta aim for windmills.
Had a delightful evening. Beyond what I'd thought up. This is the key: expect nothing. So, I took the ball and ran with it. Arranged for dinner out, went for the 20 oz. Porterhouse (should'a had the 32 ounce, yummmmmm, double veggies, no carbs hee hee. You CAN be a healthy glutton), then went to see The Invention of Lying. Amazing flick, based on the concept of there is no god, what if you made him up? In this flick he's known as "the man in the sky," and churches as "places where you worship the man in the sky." VERY funny. Well done. Quite a lovely night.
Back to Toxichouse. Now, I'd left the crackberry in the truck, didn't wanna spoil the evening. LOTS of voicemail, shit @ work, and a message from Stoney. Turns out Shebitch wanted to take me to dinner. Now, take a second or two kiddies. Let this sink in....either it's screaming bloody murder that I'm scum and Its pro bono attorney is going to..........or I'm being taken to dinner. This is what I live with. This is why I took the ball and ran with it re: my birthday plans. I couldn't leave it to chance or Its mood. Deserved a nice evening, so we had one. No, it isn't easy, yes, it IS worth it.
BIG NEWS: It goes in hospital 10-20. This is the big stay, one month. Either it comes out the other end or doesn't. Here is where the rubber hits the road and I become an island with the weight of the world on my shoulders-i.e. Stoney. Hope I can be a good Father/Mother/peep. Thank God I have my people with me, I'd be crushed if not. They kept me from doing what I wanted to yesterday. REALLY kept me out of my own way.
(don't think the waitress will ever be the same, $40 tip on a $50 tab). Hadda share the celebratory nature of the day!!!
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
the new 30?
IS 50 the new 30? Doesn't matter, I feel great.
Life is good, period. Life is what we make it. I like me, I like my life. Certain aspects suck beyond belief, but if I COULD do anything differently, I can honestly say I wouldn't.
Life is good, period. Life is what we make it. I like me, I like my life. Certain aspects suck beyond belief, but if I COULD do anything differently, I can honestly say I wouldn't.
day 72
so, how do you celebrate half a century, given my circumstances? Ummm...lets see...RUN. Of course! THERE'S a bright idea. Did St.Francis, a bit renewed. Funny thing about this age, you feel you've lost the shackles of youth. All the time spent searching, when you've had what you sought with you all along. Now, just gotta live long enough to enjoy it.
Promise to myself to take less shit than ever. Easy to promise but....given I never took any shit to begin with, this narrows things.
Just opened an envelope from AARP. Funny God, real funny.
Would it be nice to have a party like others have, yes. Not in the cards. Instead, I get to play DEA with my son. Lovely.
Promise to myself to take less shit than ever. Easy to promise but....given I never took any shit to begin with, this narrows things.
Just opened an envelope from AARP. Funny God, real funny.
Would it be nice to have a party like others have, yes. Not in the cards. Instead, I get to play DEA with my son. Lovely.
Monday, October 5, 2009
fiddy
on the eve of the half-century mark, last big entry. "Defining moments."
1)Father's death: nothing like losing your father @ age 5 to make you grow up in a hurry.
2)NY World's Fair: the sixties were an amazing time to grow up. This event pointed toward the future. We went nearly every weekend.
3)St.Gabriel's School: growing, meeting friends, learning the dif between asshole/classclown/leader. Fights, laughs, sex, Brother James. Being an Altar boy. wow.
4)Bellefontaine: earning my wings in prep/boarding school. First independence, first beer, first drugs. First experience getting kicked out. Magic times. The beer in the creek, hockey, friends from all over the country.
5)Cathedral Prep: where I ended up after getting kicked outta prep school. New thug on the block. When they learned why I transferred, I got immediate bad boy street cred. Not always such a good thing.
6)Cathedral College: whatthefuck made me think this whole Priest thing'd work out????? Looked GREAT in clerical garb, esp meeting girls for dates in the parking lot. Real babe magnet. No joke, they loved it. AND, remember, @ this time I'd reached my mgw-maximum gross weight.
7)Grad school: When it all hit the fan. Got kicked out, sent to rehab, my real life began.
8)Teaching: my first post rehab career-not job. REALLY made me part of the world again. Now, you gotta remember, this was the late 80's, when chain smoking and shades didn't get you kicked out of your position. The Keith Richards of the profession. STILL made it into Who's Who In American Education. hee hee.
9)Counseling: started on a path that led me to here. Met some amazing people-and amazing assholes-thanks for firing me Nassau county, best thing that EVER happened to me! Where I met the person who was to bear my son.
10)Running: where my third life began and currently resides. Enabled me to reach spiritual heights I'd sought in the Seminary. Enabled me to meet amazing REAL people.
11)The NY Marathon: My first, my best. The Alley Pond Striders got me in, they own my (running shoe) sole. Bless them. Picked me up and gave me props. The kid from Queens runs the city, therefore, OWNS the city, MY city, MY NY. Did a shitload of other marathons, none compares.
12)Stoney's birth: for anyone who doesn't have a child, you don't know. For those that do, ain't it sumtin'?
13)Cancer: Shebitch lost It's mind, I lost everyone I knew-those I didn't lose believe I'm Satan. Again, see #10 and 11, they saved my ass.
14)The next century: spent 50 years getting this way, let's ride the wave.
***You'll notice other than my Father's death, not too much written about this. Not very defining moments. Death sucks, it hurts, but after losing your male role model so young, nothing comes close to that.
*****We have a speaker come in to do a group 3x weekly. His program is called "Happier Horizons," really good stuff, i.e. there's no such thing as stress, don't be a sucker etc.....the ONE thing I disagree with: why do we in this country have an odd sense of entitlement? Only in the US do we feel a God given expectation to be happy????? Happy is OUR job, God gives us life, the rest is up to us. Another thing I learned in 50 years!!!
1)Father's death: nothing like losing your father @ age 5 to make you grow up in a hurry.
2)NY World's Fair: the sixties were an amazing time to grow up. This event pointed toward the future. We went nearly every weekend.
3)St.Gabriel's School: growing, meeting friends, learning the dif between asshole/classclown/leader. Fights, laughs, sex, Brother James. Being an Altar boy. wow.
4)Bellefontaine: earning my wings in prep/boarding school. First independence, first beer, first drugs. First experience getting kicked out. Magic times. The beer in the creek, hockey, friends from all over the country.
5)Cathedral Prep: where I ended up after getting kicked outta prep school. New thug on the block. When they learned why I transferred, I got immediate bad boy street cred. Not always such a good thing.
6)Cathedral College: whatthefuck made me think this whole Priest thing'd work out????? Looked GREAT in clerical garb, esp meeting girls for dates in the parking lot. Real babe magnet. No joke, they loved it. AND, remember, @ this time I'd reached my mgw-maximum gross weight.
7)Grad school: When it all hit the fan. Got kicked out, sent to rehab, my real life began.
8)Teaching: my first post rehab career-not job. REALLY made me part of the world again. Now, you gotta remember, this was the late 80's, when chain smoking and shades didn't get you kicked out of your position. The Keith Richards of the profession. STILL made it into Who's Who In American Education. hee hee.
9)Counseling: started on a path that led me to here. Met some amazing people-and amazing assholes-thanks for firing me Nassau county, best thing that EVER happened to me! Where I met the person who was to bear my son.
10)Running: where my third life began and currently resides. Enabled me to reach spiritual heights I'd sought in the Seminary. Enabled me to meet amazing REAL people.
11)The NY Marathon: My first, my best. The Alley Pond Striders got me in, they own my (running shoe) sole. Bless them. Picked me up and gave me props. The kid from Queens runs the city, therefore, OWNS the city, MY city, MY NY. Did a shitload of other marathons, none compares.
12)Stoney's birth: for anyone who doesn't have a child, you don't know. For those that do, ain't it sumtin'?
13)Cancer: Shebitch lost It's mind, I lost everyone I knew-those I didn't lose believe I'm Satan. Again, see #10 and 11, they saved my ass.
14)The next century: spent 50 years getting this way, let's ride the wave.
***You'll notice other than my Father's death, not too much written about this. Not very defining moments. Death sucks, it hurts, but after losing your male role model so young, nothing comes close to that.
*****We have a speaker come in to do a group 3x weekly. His program is called "Happier Horizons," really good stuff, i.e. there's no such thing as stress, don't be a sucker etc.....the ONE thing I disagree with: why do we in this country have an odd sense of entitlement? Only in the US do we feel a God given expectation to be happy????? Happy is OUR job, God gives us life, the rest is up to us. Another thing I learned in 50 years!!!
day 71
St.Francis this am, cool, 50 ish degs. NICE. Knee ok, surprised. Think I could'a pushed the 1/2 a bit harder, but again, don't wanna get injured with a month to go. What hurt my time was: in a shit corral (if you can't get a good start, you're fucked), and, in years past I was running with someone. With no one to pace, you're fucked.
One day to go until the half-century mark. STILL reeling from having to play DEA @ Toxichouse, but someone has to. THAT'S what sucks, It enables him, doens't even ask the right questions, and I get stuck holding the parenting bag.
I've been quite fortunate to date. There's nothing I'd change in my life-not even It. When we were a couple everything was copasetic. That was then. That which didn't kill me...
Eager to see what the future brings. STILL feel like a 14 year old. My inner child always wins ;)
One day to go until the half-century mark. STILL reeling from having to play DEA @ Toxichouse, but someone has to. THAT'S what sucks, It enables him, doens't even ask the right questions, and I get stuck holding the parenting bag.
I've been quite fortunate to date. There's nothing I'd change in my life-not even It. When we were a couple everything was copasetic. That was then. That which didn't kill me...
Eager to see what the future brings. STILL feel like a 14 year old. My inner child always wins ;)
Sunday, October 4, 2009
day 70
was tempted to do the Farley 5k race, but needed more miles, so did St.Francis. REALLY should'a taken the day off-day after a 1/2, but, gots'ta get them miles...mon.
Now for the weekend drama. Back to Toxichouse after the 1/2 yesterday. Stoney (used to be "keith," but you'll see as we proceed) and I were SUPPOSED to go to the movies, but he hit on Shebitch for $$$ and went with his peeps. It claimed he was going to the movies. I smelled a rat. I jumped in the vehicle and tracked him down. Guess what he was doing? Hint: One ____over the line sweet Jesus, one _____over the line. Yes kiddies, strike 2. BUSTED. And the best part, he hit on the idiot for money to fund his toking. So, he's grounded until he tests negative. I told him: "hope it wasn't good shit, if it was, it can stay in your system for up to 90 days)." Of course, I told him strike 3 results in his homelessness, he will NOT be living here. Not to mention the talk about: "If you get busted and the Nassau PD call, look forward to a few nights in Juvey, 'cause I ain;t bailing you out." Hopefully this'll make a difference. Grounding him sucks-he loves playing handball, but even he thinks it's fair. Killer part: Shebitch is strangely silent-didn't even question where he was going (when he asked for $$$). Fucking idiot. Hate the role this puts me in. I told him "putz, have you forgotten what I do for a living???"
Now for the weekend drama. Back to Toxichouse after the 1/2 yesterday. Stoney (used to be "keith," but you'll see as we proceed) and I were SUPPOSED to go to the movies, but he hit on Shebitch for $$$ and went with his peeps. It claimed he was going to the movies. I smelled a rat. I jumped in the vehicle and tracked him down. Guess what he was doing? Hint: One ____over the line sweet Jesus, one _____over the line. Yes kiddies, strike 2. BUSTED. And the best part, he hit on the idiot for money to fund his toking. So, he's grounded until he tests negative. I told him: "hope it wasn't good shit, if it was, it can stay in your system for up to 90 days)." Of course, I told him strike 3 results in his homelessness, he will NOT be living here. Not to mention the talk about: "If you get busted and the Nassau PD call, look forward to a few nights in Juvey, 'cause I ain;t bailing you out." Hopefully this'll make a difference. Grounding him sucks-he loves playing handball, but even he thinks it's fair. Killer part: Shebitch is strangely silent-didn't even question where he was going (when he asked for $$$). Fucking idiot. Hate the role this puts me in. I told him "putz, have you forgotten what I do for a living???"
Saturday, October 3, 2009
day 69
did ok. Had the Grete's Gallop today. Stayed in Manhattan overnight, did the 1/2 in the am. Didn't do GREAT, last year came in @ 2:03, this year 2:11(which is open to question. 2:11 was my gun time, for some reason chip time didn't register, but it is what it is. If I passed mile 12 @ 1:52, how the HELL could it have taken 20 mins to run one mile?????). Didn't push as hard as I could've, wanna run manana, but did well. No walk breaks. Also, in the back of my mind, didn't wanna get hurt with a month to go before The Big One.
Hooked up with Tom, bless him. What a sweet guy. Really a heart of gold (whatthefuck is wrong with him???).
Had fun @ the race, also after, typical NYC shit, was crossing against the light-2 tourists next to me-they'd stopped. I looked @ them shrugged, said "this IS NYC," and proceeded. They followed laughing.
Missed the usual suspects, once upon a time this was a group race, but as they isolate, I press on. Oh well.
Hooked up with Tom, bless him. What a sweet guy. Really a heart of gold (whatthefuck is wrong with him???).
Had fun @ the race, also after, typical NYC shit, was crossing against the light-2 tourists next to me-they'd stopped. I looked @ them shrugged, said "this IS NYC," and proceeded. They followed laughing.
Missed the usual suspects, once upon a time this was a group race, but as they isolate, I press on. Oh well.
Friday, October 2, 2009
5 days
almost to the half century mark!
Today: my bro's/buds.
1)Elementary School: Dennis Hevia: through the wonder of Facebook, we're still in touch, amazing. My first visit to a friend's house (he had 13 pairs of sneakers-I NEVER forgot that), his dad was the landlord of the apartment complex-so he was The Man.
2)Dan Browne: In the Mass Prep School, he was a day student, his dad ran the hotel in Lenox. MAN did we tear it up!!! Used to make pocket $$$ raking leaves @ the hotel, then spend the $$$ on beer-watching Happy Days.
3)John Loewenstein: after getting kicked out of the Mass Prep school, for the activities Dan and I perpetrated (hee hee-no regrets there kiddies!!!), I met this freak who looked like Christ's stunt double. We had class nights where one assigned class had the run of the gym for a night, followed by pizza. I had a tape recorder, playing Dead tunes, he ambled up to me asked "You a Deadhead," and the rest was history. The beginning of a lifelong friendship, he was the best man @ my wedding-after a 10 year gap in our relationship. First guy to confront me about my drinking. Little did either of us know!!!
4)Bill Sharp: my college running bud. @ this point, Loewenstein and I followed each other to the College/Seminary, where I ran into Bill. As he was walking up the stairs I noticed he had a Fleetwood Mac record atop his pile of belongings. Of course I commented that it was "pussy music," after nearly coming to blows, we became fast friends. Sort'a like rams butting horns. Spent many wasted nights @ his parents' home in Bay Ridge. Helluva guy. @ this point it was me, Bill, and John.
5)After rehab, I was an island, couldn't hang with the peeps-I was undergoing re-puberty remember? So, I toughed it out.
6)Steve Alexander: God bless you. Quite possibly the straightest shooter I ever met, sort'a like Bill. Sort'a like John. Sensing a pattern here??? Never dealt with bs artists. Anyway, met Steve when he applied for a job @ MATC, I interviewed him, couldn't hire him-another candidate was more qualified. He called constantly asking if anything opened up. @ one point he made repeated calls daily. Bless him. We hit it off. There was SOMETHING that connected us. He was in recovery, so was I; he got me into golf, same taste in females, and...and...RUNNING! The only real difference between us was cultural. Wow. 2 weeks after I started walking a lap 'round the middle school track, started running a lap, then...a mile!!! THEN he calls, tells me he got me into my first race: COW HARBOR!!! Helluva guy. Finally hired him @ CATC, had the best of ALL worlds: best wife, bestjob, now best friend. At least one still is with me. I remember like it was yesterday, our first round @ VA, first race I actually passed him, day we hunted down Alien golf clubs @ Black Friday/day after Thanksgiving sale. Miss him daily. Steve, I owe you alot. My bro. Even Keith remembers him. Would give you the shirt off his back, yet kneecap your ass to get a stray golf tee another had left behind. A mentioned I loved Doc Gooden, he got me a Doc Gooden signed baseball and card. What a guy.
God gave me amazing people.
Today: my bro's/buds.
1)Elementary School: Dennis Hevia: through the wonder of Facebook, we're still in touch, amazing. My first visit to a friend's house (he had 13 pairs of sneakers-I NEVER forgot that), his dad was the landlord of the apartment complex-so he was The Man.
2)Dan Browne: In the Mass Prep School, he was a day student, his dad ran the hotel in Lenox. MAN did we tear it up!!! Used to make pocket $$$ raking leaves @ the hotel, then spend the $$$ on beer-watching Happy Days.
3)John Loewenstein: after getting kicked out of the Mass Prep school, for the activities Dan and I perpetrated (hee hee-no regrets there kiddies!!!), I met this freak who looked like Christ's stunt double. We had class nights where one assigned class had the run of the gym for a night, followed by pizza. I had a tape recorder, playing Dead tunes, he ambled up to me asked "You a Deadhead," and the rest was history. The beginning of a lifelong friendship, he was the best man @ my wedding-after a 10 year gap in our relationship. First guy to confront me about my drinking. Little did either of us know!!!
4)Bill Sharp: my college running bud. @ this point, Loewenstein and I followed each other to the College/Seminary, where I ran into Bill. As he was walking up the stairs I noticed he had a Fleetwood Mac record atop his pile of belongings. Of course I commented that it was "pussy music," after nearly coming to blows, we became fast friends. Sort'a like rams butting horns. Spent many wasted nights @ his parents' home in Bay Ridge. Helluva guy. @ this point it was me, Bill, and John.
5)After rehab, I was an island, couldn't hang with the peeps-I was undergoing re-puberty remember? So, I toughed it out.
6)Steve Alexander: God bless you. Quite possibly the straightest shooter I ever met, sort'a like Bill. Sort'a like John. Sensing a pattern here??? Never dealt with bs artists. Anyway, met Steve when he applied for a job @ MATC, I interviewed him, couldn't hire him-another candidate was more qualified. He called constantly asking if anything opened up. @ one point he made repeated calls daily. Bless him. We hit it off. There was SOMETHING that connected us. He was in recovery, so was I; he got me into golf, same taste in females, and...and...RUNNING! The only real difference between us was cultural. Wow. 2 weeks after I started walking a lap 'round the middle school track, started running a lap, then...a mile!!! THEN he calls, tells me he got me into my first race: COW HARBOR!!! Helluva guy. Finally hired him @ CATC, had the best of ALL worlds: best wife, bestjob, now best friend. At least one still is with me. I remember like it was yesterday, our first round @ VA, first race I actually passed him, day we hunted down Alien golf clubs @ Black Friday/day after Thanksgiving sale. Miss him daily. Steve, I owe you alot. My bro. Even Keith remembers him. Would give you the shirt off his back, yet kneecap your ass to get a stray golf tee another had left behind. A mentioned I loved Doc Gooden, he got me a Doc Gooden signed baseball and card. What a guy.
God gave me amazing people.
day 68
God bless 'em.
HATE meetings, yet they always seem to go well, tonight was no exception.
First, the bored meeting, got the bidness taken care of, lots of loss this month in the club, but also many highlights-plenty of activity. Then, the membership meeting. Again, well attended, Ronit got a cake for Alan, completely surprised him-these two are quite a lovely couple. Then our speaker was amazing. Wow. I disappeared @ 9, they were still going.
Tom hit it on the head when he pegged the group as a family. Good call.
Manana the Grete's run. Rain predicted. SHIT. Spending the night in Manhattan.
HATE meetings, yet they always seem to go well, tonight was no exception.
First, the bored meeting, got the bidness taken care of, lots of loss this month in the club, but also many highlights-plenty of activity. Then, the membership meeting. Again, well attended, Ronit got a cake for Alan, completely surprised him-these two are quite a lovely couple. Then our speaker was amazing. Wow. I disappeared @ 9, they were still going.
Tom hit it on the head when he pegged the group as a family. Good call.
Manana the Grete's run. Rain predicted. SHIT. Spending the night in Manhattan.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
day 67
done!!!
St.Francis this am. YUMMMMM. THIS is my kinda weather. 49 degs, t shirt, shorts, and....gloves!!! PURRRRRRRFECT. (does it get any better than this???). AND, running shoes seem to meet my needs. No grueling knee pain.
Core training last night went well, missing the track work, but the midsection is happier.
Bored meeting tonight followed by membership meeting. Yecccccccccch. Never look forward to these.
St.Francis this am. YUMMMMM. THIS is my kinda weather. 49 degs, t shirt, shorts, and....gloves!!! PURRRRRRRFECT. (does it get any better than this???). AND, running shoes seem to meet my needs. No grueling knee pain.
Core training last night went well, missing the track work, but the midsection is happier.
Bored meeting tonight followed by membership meeting. Yecccccccccch. Never look forward to these.
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