day 278

that didn't hurt a bit.

Actually had a good meeting last night. Laughlin gathered the Ragnar kiddies @ Rettmer's, we discussed, we asked, we resolved, now we have some odd idea of what we're supposed to be doing. It IS a bit intimidating, but if you think of it as either the 24 hours of Lemans, or one loooong Ocean to Sound, it makes sense. Not sure I'd wanna be the poor guy who has to de-funk the rental vehicles after though.

Went to the LI expo, usual boring, but lots of empty booths. Saw the usual suspects, Terry, Dominick (didn't boycott his booth), George etc...they actually improved the logistics. It wasn't too bad.

Almost up to snuff. Almost felt a pang of...what's that word...energy. This illness stuff SUCKS. But...I'm preregged.

"What others think of what I do is not important. What I think of what I do is very important." Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

(can you tell I just signed off on my eval. Didn't even read it, the boss handed it to me, I signed it, we move on for a year. Bit of a cat and mouse game we play. We both know I can be difficult, yet who's the go to guy? The problem with the role of the enfant terrible is no one EVER wants to pay the devil his due. For a year of relative freedom, it's a small price to pay. I remember countless conversations with Pret about exactly this. She'd get hurt that her true efforts weren't reflected accurately in the eval, sometimes quite the opposite. I concurred. Who's called upon to run 2 facilities? Who gets virtually everything dumped into his lap on site and fixed everything? The good news: there's Satisfactory, Unsatisfactory, and Needs Improvement. Makes life alot easier. So, rather than sit down and discuss it as normal workplaces do, he hands it to me, I sign it, we exhale.).

***just had a send off for the social work interns, their time is up with us. Things like this reinforce my resolve. Staff were asked to bring in stuff, the spread was enormous. Ouch. As fate would have it, I don't eat tonight until 6:30 @ The Most Boring Carbo Loading Pasta Dinner in Recorded History (hey, it comes with registration). If YOU were in my shoes what would YOU do? Keeping in mind It shops for Itself and Stoney, I'm excluded. Of course I signed up for the pasta dinner, so I get to see all this DELICIOUS food @ noon, I'm talkin' chili, fried chicken, lasagna, wraps, a ton of everything, and I could only spectate. Had flashbacks of when I was a kid on weight watchers watching everyone else eat normally. So there I was, knowing I wouldn't be eating until 4 hours after my usual time, drooling. Fortunately I put in my requisite Oscar worthy performance. Hurts though. This eating disorder crap sucks, but it would'a been worse adding the guilt of breaking abstinence. Fortunately was able to hide behind a guitar. Thank God for music.