this just in

spoke (for the first time in a long time-my ego's not that frail nor in need of reinforcement) @ a meeting this am to note the anniversary.

It was 25 years ago (and one day, April 5 actually) I walked into South Oaks. Put it off for as long as I could, eventually got the admission date. Terrified, scared shit, spent the first night on the "flight deck" (psych unit) per protocol-all new admissions spend the night there to gauge their stability. Thank god that didn't last for more than 24 hours. Like it wasn't anxiety filled enough: doing without my substances of choice, spending this time with psych patients. Dealt with the cavity search etc...and met the guy who'd be my roommate throughout my stay: Gary.

SOMEHOW made it through 28 days. Horrible food (1,200 calorie diet-boiled chicken and broiled fish), smoked my lungs out (thanks to the peeps who gave me smokes), lost the jacket and tie-my walls, and the weight melted off.

Made it through, with no base of operations. The Seminary was def outta the picture. Went to a shitload of meetings. Walked to most, yes, LOTS of walking. Then, a meeting peep gave me a bike. Little wonder 210 lbs flew by-between not indulging in every substance, was exercising my ass off.

STILL can't believe I indulged in my daily indulgences:

An entire pizza
Salami provolone hero
Dozen bagels
Dozen donuts
25 White Castles
4litre Carlo Rossi Rhine Wine
1 Litre Wild Turkey
Beer, lots.

Imagine consuming all this DAILY. Wow, I was a mess. Toward the end: a litre of 151 rum. Nothing else would get me trashed-it's called "acquired tolerance."

God bless mom for tolerating me. God bless Jeff (Exxon Valdez) Hazelwood for being there for me. God bless Pete for driving me and putting a dollar in my pocket, God bless Jim for being my sponsor.

Wow. What a trip.

Learned to drive, got a job, got fired from that job, got blacklisted, got another job, fell in love no less than 3x, fell in lust too often to mention, got a car, got married, got a house, had a son. Wow. Friggin' wow.

The fat fuck with man boobs who was too embarassed to remove his shirt for shirts/skins basketball has run dozens of marathons, achieved his goal of becoming Jimmy Page thin, has risen to the top of his profession, and now runs a rehab. Friggin' amazing.

I know mom was proud, or was it relieved? I hope my father knows.