day 401

the more things change.....

Great day off yesterday. STILL withdrawing from Sunday, those feelings will linger for quite a while. Was truly amazing seeing my MATC peeps. Both alive, well, and happy. I aspire to retire in that fashion. REALLY amazing to look back and see the lives I've had, Seminarian/Teacher/Sober Person/Counselor/Wannabe Rock Star/Golfer/Husband/Father/Runner/Lover/Administrator/Marathon Runner. Wow. Each stage was marked by relationships I'll keep in my heart. Truly some outstanding peeps throughout, but my MATC peeps are the shit. Deeper than foxhole family.

Now, the yang to that yin is going back to the place where I'm loathed. Fortunately, PD has the same predicament. His grown daughters don't speak to him. It's the curse of the Father. When I did the Italian 5k the other day, one of the peeps remembered Shebitch's behavior, asked some questions (he's going through the same shit). Told him the Sinbad line "when we get married all's lovey/dovey. The MINUTE we say 'I Do,' the wives HATE us." True. VERY true. But Shebitch and I had a GREAT marriage, until the cancer hit. Then, bitch lost it. What a dichotomy. GREAT time with my peeps, in a SECOND could move to a place where I'm accepted for who I am, not to mention, loved. Instead, I stick around, because to do otherwise would be an injustice to Keith. Can't do that. NOR enable The Bitch. It'd LOVE to be left the house. Not...gonna...happen.

St.Francis this am, actually felt...again, what's that word...good!!!

So, why "the more things change?" One of my main joints be closing. The Upper West Side Barnes n' Noble, near Lincoln Center/The West Side Y, is closing. WOW!!! I'm there twice a week.

day 400!

wow, helluva ride, n'est pas?

Felt good this am, didn't expect to. Funny how when your soul gets fed, the rest falls into place. Lil' bastard speaking to me again, if only to make a withdrawl from First Bank of Dad-or to request that (gasp) I don't touch the chinese food in the fridge (if It can buy chinese food, why can't It give him $$$ ?), still felt great.

Emmy's sucked. Glad for Jane Lynch, she IS a female House, but the rest of the shows were lightweights. Seriously, "Glee?" PLEASE!!! Could you have more feel good bullshit???

So, should'a taken this am off, but was cool (er), so, laced 'em up, and on my way. 10+. Dave The Superjew met me after St.Francis, so my finishing pace rocked.

Today, play in NYC!!!

day 399

THANK YOU GOD!!!!!

And thank you Marciana
And thank you Peter

What a FUCKING day!!!!!

Did the Italian American 5k in the am. AP represented. Nice. None of the Quantum/Brick people, but CP was there as well as Hellgate. Some people know what representing is all about. Queens is for Queens, almost. Hot, sweaty, but we were there. The race volunteers are true assholes (arguing with runners/making us wait for bib/shirt pickup, this shit happens EVERY year), but the cause is great, the Director very cool/does all the local races. Glad to have been there.

Then...the oddness/weirdness began. But all worth it! What true joy to be with my MATC people. I have a legacy, WE have a legacy. We stood for something and it showed. Love my people. THIS is why balls were broken to hookup. One lives in Brooklyn, the other in Poughkeepsie. REAL pain in the nuts to hook up, but worth every second.

Reminded me of why we do what we do, because to do otherwise would be wrong. We fought to keep MATC open, now (sounding like an old fart) people are only in "it" for themselves. Once upon a time we had a shared purpose, and running serves as the perfect paradigm. Remember the Queens Grand Prix? Everything was fine UNTIL local clubs focused more on their own membership/winning races, than in representing @ each others' events. Whether in the business world or the real world, selfishness is its own reward.

I hope Stoney has these values. Realizing his own needs are relatively unimportant. One must be mindful of others.

...oh yes, he's speaking to me. Asked me to NOT touch the chinese food in the fridge, and asked for $$$ to hit 7-11 after handball. Ahhhh, those warm fuzzy moments.

this just in!!!

of course, Shebitch has to add its two cents worth:

re: the non functioning X-Box. it's trying to portray it as: I made some shady deal, pulled a switch. I attempted to explain (why, I'll never know), that he got 7 months use of it, a fixed x-box only has a 90 day warranty, and that nothing lasts forever. Now, remember kiddies, his machine sat broken for HOW many weeks until i took action????? This is what I get.

Of course, now, it's portrayed as my problem. Nope.

It actually had the tits to ask what i was gonna do about it?????

Really making a full recovery from cancer seem like a bad thing.

day 398

is this perfect, or what???

Ok, Shebitch loathes me, Stoney isn't speaking to me...so...what to do??? RUN!!!(and count my blessings)

Brotherfromanothermother calls me as I'm preppin' to hit The Line this am, perfect. Thanks God. Telling me about his son getting outta Nassau County Corrections-yes, where I had my first post-teaching gig. His kid is getting out, and mine isn't speaking to me/is being a sullen little shit. Yin/Yang. Thanks God!!!

So, 7+ in the am, hang in the backyard this pm, then head to the movies. THEN, get to see Marciana later. God IS in fact, good. Just don't fuck with Him.

day 397

what goes around...


STILL (this is getting tiresome) smarting from Stoney's shit attitude. As his x-box sits on the dining room table. Pity that.

Did st.Francis + Kissena Fri. SOOOOO nice to have these 4 day weekends, then off to nyc to play. Downtown, uptown, then off to see The Pat Tillman Story, hence the title for today's blog. What tune opens and closes the flick one by Neil. None of these bullshit "bands of the moment" who in a week will be forgotten, but a Neil tune from a lesser known (though REALLY GOOD) record, almost 20 years old. Wow. Really made the day.

GREAT to have this weather after the humidididity!!!

day 396

yin/yang, tomato/tomahhhto, best of times/worst of times

went straight back to Toxichouse yesterday after work, tired of giving Stoney his "space," only to be met by a sullen emo spoiled punk who has developed an inability to say "thank you." STILL smarting from that. He doesn't work, is given TOO much freedom, and is grateful for zilch. We ALL want our kids to have it better than we did, and he certainly does, but the effects of his spoiledness are showing, and I'm not having it.

Shebitch is in full on rage, tired, so naturally it's taken out on guess who? The presenting problem was a bag, and the vacuum. I asked if the bag was garbage and if It was done vacuuming (It left the dog in the den, despite being repeatedly asked not to, hadda clean up). My questions were met with Linda Blair. Unfucking believeable. Stoney, sitting in the living room-of course-on his slaptop.

So, how is this a balance? Woke up this am, what's on the dining room table, his x-box, in pieces. Apparently, it's experiencing the red ring of death, again. Pity. THIS time I won't have it repaired. Let Shebitch step up. I'm done.

It, of course, hurts to see him unhappy, however, the fact is It leaves him to his electronics instead of taking advantage of Its being home for hours on end, and doing something together, while I'm @ work. If YOU had mountains of time and a great kid, wouldn't YOU? No, instead, spend all your time and energy on your pathetic friends. Ignore what's under your own roof, then buy junk food (Stoney's been living on pizza, big surprise).

Has It taken him for his physical, the prerequisite for working papers? No. So, he sits, and couch potatoes, and expresses nary a "thank you." REALLY demoralizing. Hurts in ways you'll, hopefully, never understand.

St.Francis + Kissena, 10+. Now you know why.

Might not do Ocean to Sound, gonna havta flip a coin. Lots of other stuff going on that day n' don't wanna get stuck in a rut. Might be time to change things up...or not.


***What gnaws @ me: when I remember my youth, I remember mom breaking her balls to take us places, make memories with us, expose us to stuff. What will Stoney's memories be? He takes offense-bless him-when I try to explain mommy's nuts, so I drop it. Never, ever, wanna do to It what It does to me: drag my name through the mud, that's just wrong. But he DOES need to know the bitch is mental, that normal people don't have pill containers everywhere, nor do they abandon their kids for hours on end. He WILL eventually, wonder why our place is a shipwreck rather than an inviting safe haven. Instead, he's a couch potato glued to electronics. Absolutely kills me. Really hope he knows how much I worry about him and would do anything. When I try to explain it, a.k.a. "set the record straight," he responds like emo boy. All I can do is try. It DOES really hurt.


...I felt the coldness of my winter. I never thought it would ever go.

day 395

ok, THIS is ridiculous!!!

One more motherfucker says "we need the rain," n' I'm gonna clock 'em!!! 3 friggin' days???!!! Actually hadda take this am off, good thing, knees were aching, but really wanted a run. Treadmill? No fucking way.

Finally got home yesterday, Toxichouse was intact, Stoney, sullen. Really tore into him, i.e. "you COULD say 'thanks.' " I know of no home where parents agree to vacate because lil' spoiledness has friends over. For a special occasion possibly, but as a matter of course, no. Of course, again, Shebitch comes strolling in @ 10:30pm. Tried explaining to Stoney that he at LEAST owes a "thanks," he barely responds. We'll see how he responds when he asks for $$$ n' the bank of dad is closed. No fucking gratitude. THAT hurt. I never would've thought of asking mom to do what was asked of me, and if so, would've been very grateful. Never again.

day 394

play misty for who???

Didn't particularly wanna get soaked, but pressed on anyway. Headed out in the mist. Surprise, it actually felt perfect! Not even enough to soak clothes, juuust enough to refresh. On the cusp of-gasp-putting a shirt on, thought better of it. Perky nips=bloody nips, and this am was breezy enough for perky. Knees felt good. What's wrong with this picture??? Prob is: speed SUCKS, but still, running with no walk breaks.

Still relishing the treasures found yesterday in The Village. Actually found the cd from the Jeff Beck/Clapton show @ msg! AND the Neil concert upon which the concert flick was based. LOVE NYC!!!


***Gettin' a tad worried/is this a trust exercise in disguise??? Stoney indicates he's having 12, yes, 12 peeps over today, in order to get me to vacate so he can chill with his peeps. Now, again, why does he need the house empty? Strippers? When he goes to others' homes, do THEIR parents vacate? No matter, I told him I'd make myself scarce. Have a queasy feeling about this nontheless. Like I said before, unless I have a clear reason to NOT trust him, he has a long leash. DO wish Shebitch would step up. Really feel alone w/these matters. What examples did It ever have? Thank God I had grandparents and a mother who would go the extra yard for my brothers and I. What perplexes me, though, is how It places all others ahead of us, i.e. last week when I came home to-again-find the toilet backed up with contents all over the bathroom floor, Its excuse was a friend needed Its help. Ummm.....HELLO!!! Toilet debris all over your bathroom, might wanna clean up first. Might take a whole 10 minutes? Yet, Stoney covers for It, as well he should, he IS Its son. Bless his heart.

day 393

memory lane!!!

Got up, heard the rain, but knew I couldn't stay @ Toxichouse. Figured, head out and see if Boot Camp was on, still, a few hours to kill. Ended up running anyway, yes, in the rain. Good part of the shitty Dirty Sock Run is I felt the need to atone, so, did my penance by running in the rain. Actually felt good. Did what I used to, started from the Y. Ended up doing 10+.

Then, off to NYC. Hence, "memory lane." Went to The Village. Was a flick playing @ the IFC, then off to look for rare tunes. Sho' 'nuf, found 'em. Really took me back to hangin' with my girl days. Used to bring dates to the village and hang, go to dinner, head to The Ritz/China Club etc...Bleecker Bobs etc...wow. Thank GOD they're still there, though the thrift store is now a saloon. Trash n' Vaudeville lives as well!!! Yay!!! Alas, The Bottom Line, gone. The Ritz, gone. CBGB's, gone. Progress? No.

GOD I love nyc!!!

day 392

OUCH!!!

did the (or "attempted to do the") Dirty Sock 10k. Why, I'll never know. SHOULD'A run The Line, but nooooo.........yes, buyers regret. Did this run despite godawful climes, and the idiocy of the volunteers. I.E. After the run, went to get a warm (cold hurts) bottle of water, and was told not to take them out (?????????). They get seriously controlling. I actually got so pissed I opened the entire case and reminded the douche for $25, I'l do whatever the fuck I want. His eyes popped out.

Pantano did it too, put a pre race pic on FB. Must'a been Deb weekend! Was glad to see DP chillaxed today too. With my pace today, it was more of an extended recovery run. You really couldn't get a head of steam going, it was THAT humid. If I wasn't preregged, I'd have either gone to spin class or NYC. Everyone was dragging. Took 6 20-30 second breaks, I was dead. Pantano was about a minute behind me, so there's your benchmark. Am I glad I did it, yes, I'm glad I didn't d.n.s., but, ouch!!!!

Stoney, sleeping. Shebitch, out. YAY!!!

day 391

YAYYY!!!

Did the Harlem 5k, after finding the perrrrrfect parking spot (81st n' CPW), jumped on the C train, BOOM! There I was @ 135 st. This was after driving around the start area and not finding ONE fucking spot, but then again, this IS Harlem, whatthefuck was I thinking??? So, middle ground. Hooked up with hairy behemoth Sal, then DP, none of us wearing colors, pure stealth. Exchanged excuses, she kicked ass, I sucked, but not less/more than 50%. I'm holding my own, and she's about 10 years younger...and...what's that word? Ah yes, "normal." She did herself proud. I was glad to be back @ my old stomping grounds. REALLY brought back the MATC memories, you wouldn't recognize the area today. But WE remember, n'est pas? Harlem is Harlem.

So, why'd I get the perfect parking spot? After the run, walked toward my home away from home, the West Side Y. On the way, saw the NY Historical Society. Posted a pic of what I saw on FB, The Grateful Dead exhibit. Was this meant to be or what??? God REALLY took care of me. I was killing time until a movie I wanted to see was showing and what do I find smack dab between the race and the theater??? God bless the Dead!!! What a great exhibit, REALLY took me back-especially the ticket stubs and Wall of Sound (605 speakers!!! I could'a designed it!). Then, the movie. WOW. Usually I stop @ Duane Reade and pick up malted milk balls and peanut butter m and m's, but during this movie, NO ONE in the audience ate a morsel. Kind'a hard. It's in limited release (thus, playing @ my second fave theater-The Lincoln Square), and considering the subject matter, would'a been criminal to eat. Wow, really, wow.

How I wish I never set foot on Long Island. LOVE NYC.

Then back to the vehicle, off to Goodwill in Harlem to pick up some bargains (spent a grand total of $6.34 on a Mets Jersey, Marathon t shirt, and Nike shorts. Yes, $6.34), go ahead, TRY and outshop me!!!

Do I need more crap? No, but Shebitch's latest ploy is throwing out my shit, thinking I don't notice. How do I know? When It cleaned out Its former vehicle, collected a box of detritus, put it in the basement. What was within it, a ton of my running crap. How DO you spell "mental?" No problem, I got 0 credit card or other debts, I'll just buy more.

Manana, a 10k, one I've done before with NO expectations. But, figured if I was doing a mere 5k today, do the 10k which is a cross-country run at that. Manana pm, rain predicted. Good.

day 390

Puff of white smoke!

WE HAVE HOT WATER!!!

Amazing ain't it. It went off big time yesterday upon my return: "Did you know they shut off the gas?" "Why haven't you been paying the gas bill?" All this because It FINALLY was pressed into service/hadda pay a fucking bill. Can you imagine??? Ahhhhh, life during wartime. Makes you yearn for the peaceful place known as "The Office."

St.Francis + Kissena, 10. Got a SEARING toothache, so that plus It=NEED to run, and run some more.

Was nice, again ran into the Korean/Oriental/Asian guy from the Queens half. Can barely speak English, but a helluva nice, guy, keeps me on pace, and always says hi. Whatever works.

day 389

people really DON'T know how good they have it


Other day I get invited to see the redone bathroom of main peep, bear in mind the status of mine. A bit insensitive, but appreciated the invitation nontheless.

What do I walk into yesterday? An empty house with sewage all over the bathroom floor. Amazing, utterly amazing. THEN, It has the gall to leave a psychotic note. Something's up, off Its meds or ????? Day before yesterday I come back to find the driveway full of Its car debris, as in: clean out the car, leave everything in the driveway-including my mail It had stashed in Its car (remember: Its car looks like someone lives in it-same decorating pattern It maintains in Its domicile).

Really gives you a good feeling about your hard work doesn't it?

Today I go back to my address, no gas, been shut off. So, no hot water. Here's the deal: I pay: mortgage, electric, cable, insurance, food. It: pays nothing. So, why did the line get drawn @ the gas bill? It opened it. Plain and simple. Would YOU open mail? Or steal your spouse's mail? So, long ago, told It: "You open it, you pay it." Thus, after a year, no gas. Oh well. Glad I have the gym.

No, don't really wanna see a remodeled bathroom.

St.Francis this am, not TOO bad. Knees holding up well. Manana is the challenge. Run or take the day off. I should take a day off, but I NEED to run. Badly.

day 388

getting better, in spite

Got back to Toxichouse, driveway filled with Its garbage-apparently cleaned Its car out-why, dunno, the crap just re-amasses. So, bags blowing all over the driveway, torn paper...amazing. Spend thousands to have it resurfaced, for this. No respect for a home, no effort, just a mess. How I maintain motivation amazes me.


texted Stoney, asked if he was interested in Scott Pilgrim, he responded yes. Good, would'a looked a lil weird there w/o a teenager. GREAT flick.

St.Francis + Kissena this am. Hadda log the miles before the rains set in.


...forget what we're told...before we get too old..........................

day 387

good to have peeps.

Actually hadda turn down an invite to spend a few days in the mountains! Lovely to be invited. One of my MATC peeps has a summer/winter home there, invited me to go chillax whenever I wanted to. Nice. But can you imagine what Toxichouse would turn into if I were away for a period? The downside of parenting. As long as Shebitch draws breath I'm screwed. Stoney'll never know the sacrifices I make, and he shouldn't. His gig is being a kid.

Again, didn't think I'd get my run on this am, but the weather gods were on my side. HUMID, as in, cut the air with a knife humid, but got the job done. Actually left Toxichouse an hour after I usually do, but fuck it, hadda run.

day 386

still licking my wounds from Stoney opting to hang with his peeps, but he's gotta be a teenager. Hurts though. Now, caught between a rock and a hard place: when I asked where he was 'til 10pm (6 hours out of the house), he responded "@ the high school." Hmmmmm, something's fishy, but unless I have a reason NOT to trust him, I can't crowd his action. Shebitch, of course, is useless, asking him why he stays up all night as she sleeps on an adjoining couch.

Last day of my 4 day weekend. Milking this motherfucker for all it's worth. Did St.Francis +, total 8. Was set to do Boot Camp, rain had been predicted-as I was driving in, news said storms @ LaGuardia, yet, when I got to AP, dry. Nice.

Showered, off to NYC. GREAT!!!!! No rain, watched SVU filming, ran into Mr.G, asked him what he was doing in Central park as there was no race, his answer: "Hey, why not?" Love that guy, one of us, a runner. Shook hands n' split.

*****REALLY glad The Expendables was #1 box office. Eat/Pray/Fuck didn't take the top spot. Good. AND, everyone who sees it should explode upon ticket purchase.

day 385

now THAT was odd.

LOVED heading to the boogie down Bronx. Did the half (no record thereof, I got my shirt and my tag, then returned the tag-stealth mode baby). Why? Because my corral for the Yankee Stadium run didn't go off 'til 12:30 (FUCK ME!), so, figured I couldn't stay @ Toxichouse, I would already be in that borough, why not? So, I did.

Bronx half, thank GOD started @ 7. Perfect, nice and cool, though once you started running, in a mile you had a sweat. Finished in 2:15. Then over about 2 miles to Yankee Stadium. I saw the bibs were numbered in order (of course, I has 3658 of 4,000, whatthefuck???? WALKERS were ahead of me, an 8 months pregnant woman was ahead of me, blind guy with a seeing eye dog????? NEVER again will I give an honest predicted time.)

So...I cut 2 corrals, went off with 11. Thank GOD. I did the run, Yankee Stadium's stairs, ramps, warning track, and back ways-i.e. where the lockerrooms are and food deliveries. All in all, a fun race. (BUT, never again. !)Too logistically fucked for a runner. You're standing in a corral for 60+ mnutes before your heat. Bag check is done immediately before your heat (so, you're standing, back aching, with a few hundered other people who had the misfortune of wrongly predicting their finish time). The place looks like a mausoleum/where Jews get gassed. Austere/imposing, as opposed to Shea, welcoming, like a ballpark SHOULD look-as opposed to where you go to visit the deceased or to die. THAT place defines anal retentive. A gazillion bathrooms, yet unless your corral is up, you were directed to the McDonalds on the corner. Not good at all. Also, this bullshit about predicted times, never ever again. I'll have to predict a one minute mile. Glad I did the two-fer? Yes. Actually feel good!

Was s'posed to see The Expendables with Stoney, he opted to go hang with his friends. Feel AWFUL!!!!! Really hurts. Came back from the city specifically to be with him. Can't hold it against him, he should be with his peeps. Still, hurts.

day 384

NICE day!!!

Did St.Francis +, total 8. Started out wanting to run with the club, but, they start too late. Ran for about a mile with Andie and Fran, like I said, for about a mile. When we did the split @ the softball fields, they went left, I went right, my usual. if I go left I feel like I'm cutting the course. Good thing. I've NO right running with them. Thought, briefly, of doing the Sands Point 5k, but 5k's are a bit played out, wanna stick to longer runs-unless it's unique, like manana. How often do you get to run in Yankee Stadium-especially a Mets fan?

Back to Toxichouse, knowing It was out. Of course. Off to the beach, leaving Stoney alone. He's invited to Yankee Stadium with me manana, but I'm sure he'll opt to be a couch potato.

What a beautiful day!!!

day 383

!!!!!!!!!!!

Gov't Mule was AMAZING! Easily one of the top 5 shows I'd ever seen. 1)Front row. Need I say more? Was hangin' with Farmer (if you know Mule, you know who's brother he is, hint: he's the guitar tech), between sets he and the others peeps on the guest list sat with us in our row/next to us. WOW!!!! If I didn't wanna appear too blown away I would'a asked him for a pick, but someone else beat me to it + I didn't wanna mess up the mojo. What a fucking night!!! AND, the opening act and I hung. Jackie Greene DIDN'T suck!!! Wow!

Never saw so many Les Pauls under one roof. Wow. Validates my feelings aboutr Gibsons. Like driving a Caddy. Once you play one, nothing else matters.

The cool thing about Gov't Mule is they play because they love it. End of story. No attitude, no bullshit, all about the music, and this is reflected in their personnel as well. Even the roadies interacted with the crowd. None of the usual rock n' roll attitude. What great people. To top it off, they always throw in a cover of a classic tune, why, because they can play ANYTHING. They've jammed with John Paul Jones!!!!! 2 encores. Can't say enough. Another AMAZING show from this summer (Sonic Youth and DMB preceded). On a side note: @ Westbury, no parking fee. THIS means the cost of the ticket was almsot equal to what was paid for DMB parking @ Shea. Like I said, with Mule, no bullshit, no exorbitant cost just because they could. All about the music. We were in heaven.

As Mule say "music fo' yo' ass!"

day 382

tgif!!!!!

LOVE these 4 day weekends. Especially after yesterday's shit on the unit, glad to have this as my last day this week! More bullshit this am, but this is my bread and butter. Was able to correct the ship before the day shift started, so when staff arrived on site, the ship's course was corrected.

Got up extra early-even for me. Went to sleep early, couldn't sleep past 2:15. Was actually nice to run under cover of darkness. When I finished the sun hadn't risen. It was actually really nice. One usual suspect on The Line, otherwise the line was all mine.

Concert tonight, YAY!!!!! First row!!!!!!!!!!!!!This doesn't happen, if at all, too much. Lucked out. We'll hook up for dinner, then head to the show.

day 381

Was Rescue Me a howl last night or what????? Line of the year: Lenny Clarke to Denis Leary: "You're the Evil Knieval of Alcoholics Anonymous." Who the hell thinks this stuff up? Amazing writing!

Saw Step Up 3 yesterday, a surprise flick. Reaffirmed all the reasons I LOVE NYC and despise the 'burbs. In NYC, there's ALWAYS something going on, if you're bored-you're braindead. Also, in NYC, if you got balls you can make it. GOD I love the city. The weekend was the perfect example: races in the am, from 10am on, free. What to do? Grab the daily papers, copy of The Voice, pick an activity. WONDERFUL. What pure joy. No agenda, nowhere you gotta be, just fun. THIS is the kinda shit I try imparting to Stoney: 2 guys in the city with money...pick some trouble to get into. Unfortunately, he chooses staying couched with the game controller and slaptop. Missing out on so much. (the dumpster swimming WAS a howl!!!).

St.Francis this am. Wanted more, but-gasp-got up late, meaning, split Toxichouse an hour later than usual. Rescue Me was too good last night, hadda watch it again on the recast @ midnight.

Got AMAZING seats for Gov't Mule. Tried online, but I have a major problem paying $10.50 as a "convenience charge" in addition to the ticket price. Supposedly, that's the cost you pay for the convenience of ordering online. How fucked is that???? You're saving THEM the man hours of handling the transaction, yet YOU'RE paying for it??? So, went to the box office. STILL hadda pay a $6.50 cost over the ticket price. JEEEEEEEZ. But, there's no charge for parking (still haven't gotten over paying $30 for DMB concert parking), and.....FIRST ROW SEATS!!!!! Wow. God, I owe 'ya one.

***Things that make me crazy(ier):

1)the testicularly challenged. Can't stand they that lack balls. Shit or get off the bowl. We got a douche here who embodies all I loathe of the Social Work/Talk much do nothing/beats working for a living, people. Everything is an evasion, totally indecisive. I.E. If administration makes a decision, that gets translated into "staff don't feel empowered." On the flip side, "I defer to your decision." NO BALLS. Better still: "The team needs to meet to decide..." GOD I HATE the "team concept."

2)The inauthentic. Of all people, my main peep expressed employment concerns/financial concerns, while having their bathroom redone + enjoying sports season tickets. So, are you hurting for bucks or is this yet another luxury problem??????????????????? I have a toilet that, when flushed...well...let's leave it at "you don't want to know more." Does MY bathroom NEED to be redone, yes, badly, but I don't cry poverty. If you got enough to have your bathroom redone, or to afford season tix, you have a good life. Enjoy it, but don't look for excuses to worry. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez.

3)The irresponsible, a.k.a. "shirkers." You know the type. Everything is someone else's fault or responsibility. The buck doesn't stop, but gets passed. Shebitch is notorious for this. Screams @ where the dogpoop was collected and deposited, ignoring the fact that it WAS collected and deposited, rather than being left all over the yard. Our secretary here is the same, couldn't complete a task because _____didn't give her the paperwork. What did you do to GET the paperwork????? Again, Social Worker/testicularly challenged is another. Reading a patient the riot act for sleeping all morning. Yet, why was his room left unlocked? Did staff take attendance during the groups, thereby noting his absence from them? These ARE addicts, duh! They'll do whatever we let them get away with.

day 380

close escape!!!

Narrowly averted total catastrophe last evening. Shebitch in rare form. I actually had the NERVE to use ice, didn't refill the tray, call the SWAT team! Aren't I a prick??? Can you believe it??? THIS is what I live with. Again, I asked if this was the serenity/"how important is it" jive Its 12 step bullshit promotes????? Angry bitch. And yes, again I confronted It with the obvious: pick a fight with someone else. REALLY wanted to tear into It, but couldn't, remember: The Opposite of Love Is NOT Hate, But Apathy. AND, feeding into Its quest for a fight would've played into Its illness. No way.

St.Francis + Kissena this am. Felt hotttttt/humiddddd. Air was thick. Dunno what I'm doing, but something's working, knees actually DON'T hurt. Wassup with that? This is cool!

day 379

back to the groove!!!

Last day of another 4 day weekend, all's quiet.

Back to Toxichouse yesterday eve, Jose Y Sus Tres Mexicanos blasting music. I could hear it as I entered my block walking back from the LIRR. FUCK. If not for Stoney, would'a turned around, headed back to Manhattan. Am I the only motherfucker who finds this offensive??? Move here to LI for peace and quiet until the dishwashers blast tunes?????? GOD I miss living in the city.

Stoney hit on First bank of Dad. Don't blame him. After I found out this is normal for the patriarch, I didn't find it so offensive (I feel so USED). Of course the clause was he was s'posed to clean his room-but I didn't find thos out 'til It came home. Of course It has been out all day, again. Just CAN'T do any fucking parenting can it???

Told Stoney to google NYC Dumpster swimming. He reacted as you think he would. One of those "you hadda be there" moments, both the swimming and his reaction. Lil' wiseass. And why'd he need $$$ (besides being an unemployed teenager)? He was going camping with brotherfromanothermother. I actually had a conversation with him over this (it happens, occasionally he speaks). I told him how I felt that I always invite him to stuff, even offering paintball for him and a peep to be determined, yet he consistently seeks the company of others. He, accurately, indicated these are his friends (parenthetic: he's testing his freedom). The cord's getting severed. My loss, his gain. Gotta support him.

Dinner last night @ Strawberry's. GREAT ambience, shit food. Love D-A-R-R-Y-L.

St.Francis this am, chillaxin' rest of the day. Another good day to be me.

***Re: War of the Roses. Now that Stoney's away for a few days, the gloves are off. First, It tries picking a fight about dog shit, @ which point I indicate the person who least wanted another animal is cleaning up the shit. that wasn't enough, It then goes on a tear about my having used ice (I didn't refill the trays). @ that point I volunteered to call a lawyer as not refilling the ice tray is clearly grounds for divorce. Thereafter informed It I wasn't feeding into the fight it was picking. Sucks to be It.

day 378

Almost...allllllmost!

Weekend's got one more day to go, the challenge will be making manana as good as the last couple'a days!

REALLY good time this am @ Curtis's run. Hellgate was there in force, as they had been yesterday! Saw Luanne, asked "didn't you run yesterday?," to which she responded "didn't you?" Touche!

Running here and staying in Manhattan for the weekend again reminds me of how hard my mom worked. Raising 2 1/2 kids alone(counting my half-brother Pete), with HER mother living with us, WOW. I hung @ Lincoln Center for a while, remembering when she took us to see the Vienna Boys Choir, the Bolshoi.......bribing us with ice cream. She really broke her balls for us.

Was a true pleasure to, again, hang with Curtis. We could all learn from him. Of course, the down side: no Brickteamquantumwellfeet people. Really their loss. They lack a sense of community, i.e. if they can't win or place they won't represent. Not good. Curtis deserves better. And he got it, a record setting number of paricipants, 700+. Lovely.

REALLY don't wanna go back to Toxichouse, but, with any luck, It'll be out.

day 377

now THAT was fun!!!

There's this nyc thing going on, "Summer Streets," with a run attached-from City Hall to 72nd st-almost 5. REALLY a howl!!!! No pressure, a "fun run," t-shirt, closed course. How often can you run down a closed Park ave???? Really brought pack memories, the old Pan Am-now Met Life-building, passing the dumpster swimming pools. Really warmed my heart. Nice easy run, why? Besides th distance, you hadda stop @ red lights, Park Ave was closed, not feeding streets. LOVED this!

Now, completing the nyc experience, Curtis's Brooklyn Bridge run manana. THAT's the reason behind staying in Manhattan overnight. Both runs started @ the same location, might as well play in the city!!!

Was on the fence re: what to do tonight, but fate did it's thing. DP had buzz on a great concert, but alas, sold out. Rather, catching a play, "Freud's Last Session." Where are our seats" 3rd row center. YAY!!!!! Good to be me this weekend.

day 376

tgiF!

Actually yesterday was my friday, but you know that.

Unplanned "life according to plan B" yesterday eve. Was s'posed to be @ The Club meeting to set up hardware so the peeps could watch our Youtube vid, but, nothing worked. The laptop didn't detect the projector, then the laptop didn't detect the dvd. WTF??? @ that point Jasmine volunteered (bless her) to scoot home n' get hers), I took that opportunity to split. Cut my losses and catch 30 Rock.

St.Francis + Kissena this am, 10+, now chillax. TRY not to move a muscle 'til 3 am, @ which point jump on the LIRR to head to NYC for the 7am run.

Later Gators!

day 375

tgif!!!!!

Whew, long week there! THIS is getting rough, but I think I can take it. This whole 2 day work week thing is wearing me out!!!

St.Francis + Kissena this am. With a 5m saturday and a 5k sunday, needed the longer distance.

Booked my room for the weekend-with the run Saturday downtown, then the Sunday race @ roughly the same location, it isn't worth the travel. It's always fun being single in the city with bucks. Unfortunately, going back to Toxichouse is always tough-thank GOD Stoney's there. Weekend's predicted to have great weather, niiice. AND, with Monday off, have another day to chillax.


***Just got off the phone with my colleague in Brooklyn. Their Director left for what she hopes is greener pastures, so he was asking wassup wit' me? He isn't interested, nor am I, for much the same reasons. 1)How much is too much? We make "enough." Nice place in life to be at. The Director's gig is $30,000 more, no thanks. 2)It's too big. Too many nightmares, too much to effectively manage (4x the size of this place). 3)It's an appointed gig. Our level is the highest you can go in a permanent title. Job security is good, and I don't kiss ass. Appointed positions serve @ the discretion of the governor. Fuck that. 4)Got my niche. Just gotta to ride it. Awfully nice to be in this place, but gotta remember, this is the end result of hard work and sacrifice, a.k.a. dues have been paid. And Shebitch feels entitled, yeah right. That's why It can't even qualify to sit for the test that got my foot in the door 20+ years ago. Good to be me today.

day 374

back to the grind

This'll be an odd week, working today and tomorrow, then another extended weekend. NIIICE! Kind'a worried about how I'll readjust to working a 5 day week after September, but, it's a problem I like having. Could easily get used to this!

St.Francis this morning. Getting outta bed was tough. REALLY wanted to sleep in-running yesterday morning followed by working the corporate challenge was tiring, then forcing myself to stay up to catch Rescue Me...wiped my ass out! But...press on! Glad I did. Of course saw my usual suspects in the am, but one stood out. Remember I told you about the "Powered by Dim Sum," Korean Running Club guy who ran with Laughlin, his son in law, and I for a bit during the Queens half? He caught me after the St.Francis turn around. He must've been feeling the humidididity, called me "fast," NOT an adjective I'm used to.

REALLY glad I did the corporate challenge. It's important to give back. Too easy to think the world revolves around you.

day 373

whatheFUCKiswrongwithme???

Actually starting to look forward to seeing the usual suspects @ AP, not THOSE peeps, not my club, but the other usual suspects. Translation: did St.Francis, felt good. Really should'a taken today off with tonight's race and working the race, but it's not too humid-manana it will be-and, I'm off, so, run. Now the translation re: "other usual suspects." There's my peeps, the Wearers of the Green, and the other usual suspects-peeps who see each other every morning. This bears discussion as Mr.Antisocial Personality Disorder actually speaks with peopls, and, despite himself, knows some. Everyone from the NYC Parks employee who resembles W.C.fields, whom many feel is a mute, now yells hello to me from across the parking lot (well, mumbles a greeting and waves). The bagpipe guy, the Indian/Pakistani guys who walk together and discuss God knows what, the Korean babe who wears the Shape-Ups.....nice to see them. It DOES strike me as odd that The Line brings us all together. Nice isn't it?

This'll be a VERY short work week: only going in Wednesday and Thursday. With all the hours I have to use or lose, I'm off every Monday and Friday until mid-September. So, wassup with today? I'm working the race tonight, so chillaxin' during the day. Working a race is WAY more tiring than running it. (AND, it gets under Shebitch's skin, "You off today?"). :)


...thursday, friday, saturday, sunday....what have I done???? Been runnin', been hidin', police on my back!

day 372

YAY!!!!!

Another day off, and...AND...Shebitch will be out of the domicile! This means I can actually chillax in the same 4 walls for which i pay a mortgage!!! Wow!!! So THIS is how YOU people live. LOVE this!!!!!

St.Francis this am, was WONDERFUL!!! Saw my usual suspects, knowing this day would be MINE. This is way cool. Actually went out and bought the NY Times. I NEVER get to read this! Then, later, I can watch True Blood and Entourage. Life IS good!!!


***Reading the Tom Arnold autobiography (don't laugh!!!), it's actually very good. He touches-not dwells-on he and Roseanne's time together, and I see alot of myself there. Not in him, but with his experiences with her. She is a dead ringer for shebitch-behaviorally. Both bipolar/manic/fucking nuts!!! If he made it, I can. The only dif, he had the wherewithall to divorce. I don't. It is what it is.

day 371

whattheHELLiswrongwithme???

Couldn't leave well enough alone and...what's that word..."sleep?" Nope, not in MY casa. Up, late for me, 5:30, checked the job, off to AP, St.Francis. Perfect morning for a run, cool, no humididididty, rain predicted so hadda get my run on while I could. Didn't expect much, anything really, other than perhaps having to walk. But, made it. Now, shower and sleep. Yes, by day. Gots'ta.