that didn't hurt a bit.
Actually had a good meeting last night. Laughlin gathered the Ragnar kiddies @ Rettmer's, we discussed, we asked, we resolved, now we have some odd idea of what we're supposed to be doing. It IS a bit intimidating, but if you think of it as either the 24 hours of Lemans, or one loooong Ocean to Sound, it makes sense. Not sure I'd wanna be the poor guy who has to de-funk the rental vehicles after though.
Went to the LI expo, usual boring, but lots of empty booths. Saw the usual suspects, Terry, Dominick (didn't boycott his booth), George etc...they actually improved the logistics. It wasn't too bad.
Almost up to snuff. Almost felt a pang of...what's that word...energy. This illness stuff SUCKS. But...I'm preregged.
"What others think of what I do is not important. What I think of what I do is very important." Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
(can you tell I just signed off on my eval. Didn't even read it, the boss handed it to me, I signed it, we move on for a year. Bit of a cat and mouse game we play. We both know I can be difficult, yet who's the go to guy? The problem with the role of the enfant terrible is no one EVER wants to pay the devil his due. For a year of relative freedom, it's a small price to pay. I remember countless conversations with Pret about exactly this. She'd get hurt that her true efforts weren't reflected accurately in the eval, sometimes quite the opposite. I concurred. Who's called upon to run 2 facilities? Who gets virtually everything dumped into his lap on site and fixed everything? The good news: there's Satisfactory, Unsatisfactory, and Needs Improvement. Makes life alot easier. So, rather than sit down and discuss it as normal workplaces do, he hands it to me, I sign it, we exhale.).
***just had a send off for the social work interns, their time is up with us. Things like this reinforce my resolve. Staff were asked to bring in stuff, the spread was enormous. Ouch. As fate would have it, I don't eat tonight until 6:30 @ The Most Boring Carbo Loading Pasta Dinner in Recorded History (hey, it comes with registration). If YOU were in my shoes what would YOU do? Keeping in mind It shops for Itself and Stoney, I'm excluded. Of course I signed up for the pasta dinner, so I get to see all this DELICIOUS food @ noon, I'm talkin' chili, fried chicken, lasagna, wraps, a ton of everything, and I could only spectate. Had flashbacks of when I was a kid on weight watchers watching everyone else eat normally. So there I was, knowing I wouldn't be eating until 4 hours after my usual time, drooling. Fortunately I put in my requisite Oscar worthy performance. Hurts though. This eating disorder crap sucks, but it would'a been worse adding the guilt of breaking abstinence. Fortunately was able to hide behind a guitar. Thank God for music.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
day 277
progress, inch by inch.
Only woke up twice last night. I'll take it. STILL sleeping with the kleenex next to the bed.
Meeting tonight for Ragnar. HATE these fucking meetings, work gets out @ 4:30, meetings are inevitably @ 8. THAT'S midnight to me. Wassup with these peeps????? There is NOTHING discussed therein that can't be handled via e mail. But this is, supposedly, the last/only one before the event. Rather have root canal. WILL be good to hook up with the peeps though, and rehash Sunday's swim meet.
Only woke up twice last night. I'll take it. STILL sleeping with the kleenex next to the bed.
Meeting tonight for Ragnar. HATE these fucking meetings, work gets out @ 4:30, meetings are inevitably @ 8. THAT'S midnight to me. Wassup with these peeps????? There is NOTHING discussed therein that can't be handled via e mail. But this is, supposedly, the last/only one before the event. Rather have root canal. WILL be good to hook up with the peeps though, and rehash Sunday's swim meet.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
day 276
ok, so there were 20 + people behind me in the race. Ok. So, I should'a stayed in bed but didn't/couldn't (I defy YOU to try to rest let alone repair @ Toxichouse, sad commentary, better to run in the rain with pneumonia than spend more time than necessary there). I can accept that.
Getting something vaguely resembling an appetite back, such as it is.
Almost sleeping, waking up every OTHER hour to cough up a lung (how many DO I have?) and blow my nose.
Working on regaining the will to live.
Its car, dead, problem: electric system. Heeee heeeeeee. Meanwhile, what do I return home to...take a second...right. Sewage in the bathroom. Stoney playing W.O.W. It watching t.v. Yes...with the result of toilet backup all over the bathroom floor.
Wonder why I ran Sunday? Don't need more reasons to feel bad.
Getting something vaguely resembling an appetite back, such as it is.
Almost sleeping, waking up every OTHER hour to cough up a lung (how many DO I have?) and blow my nose.
Working on regaining the will to live.
Its car, dead, problem: electric system. Heeee heeeeeee. Meanwhile, what do I return home to...take a second...right. Sewage in the bathroom. Stoney playing W.O.W. It watching t.v. Yes...with the result of toilet backup all over the bathroom floor.
Wonder why I ran Sunday? Don't need more reasons to feel bad.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
day 275
payback's a what?
ok, here I am, still licking my wounds in the 5 miler. No solace in having done what I set out to do, really smarting from abysmal performance. Again, to have not done it would've been far worse. THEN, coming home with a gutful of pneumonia, to have Shebitch go on a tear. Amazing. REALLY amazing.
But...what do I see...payback. It's true: God DON'T like ugly. It's car is dead. Caput. Stick a fork in it. Best still, It has over a year's worth of payments left. What goes around DOES in fact come around.
Hadda give props to dp for the website, THAT NIGHT results were posted. Nice!!!Didn't like what I saw, but, man up damnit.
ok, here I am, still licking my wounds in the 5 miler. No solace in having done what I set out to do, really smarting from abysmal performance. Again, to have not done it would've been far worse. THEN, coming home with a gutful of pneumonia, to have Shebitch go on a tear. Amazing. REALLY amazing.
But...what do I see...payback. It's true: God DON'T like ugly. It's car is dead. Caput. Stick a fork in it. Best still, It has over a year's worth of payments left. What goes around DOES in fact come around.
Hadda give props to dp for the website, THAT NIGHT results were posted. Nice!!!Didn't like what I saw, but, man up damnit.
Monday, April 26, 2010
day 274
back in the game, most of me.
ok, got over it. Though it WAS tough. Leaving the house this am, It MUST comment about my attitude, to which I reply that if one has nothing good to say, one should shut the fuck up. That NOTHING ever coming from Its mouth is EVER positive. No response, good.
To the job (yes, STILL raining), knowing this week will be rough. Start of vacations. Staff filling for they that are out. Staff forgetting they're supposed to work for those that are out. I expect shit. Night staff working for day staff that are off, who don't know the jobs they're filling in for. This WILL suck. But I'm ok with it, work, you expect chaos.
So, why better? See the list:
1)ok, you signed up for a race? Did you sign on to do well or did you sign on to do it? Did you sign on to stay dry or did you sign on to do it? Well? Did you do it? Yes. Good. Not doing it would'a sucked worse.
2)did you meet your obligations or cave in to illness? You met your obligations. You manned up. Well done.
Though I badly wanted to hide under the covers (and should have, gotta take care of the machine).
I'm quite taken with the club. Peeps done REALLY well. The crowd picks up on the hosts attitude, and we rose to the task. Props!
ok, got over it. Though it WAS tough. Leaving the house this am, It MUST comment about my attitude, to which I reply that if one has nothing good to say, one should shut the fuck up. That NOTHING ever coming from Its mouth is EVER positive. No response, good.
To the job (yes, STILL raining), knowing this week will be rough. Start of vacations. Staff filling for they that are out. Staff forgetting they're supposed to work for those that are out. I expect shit. Night staff working for day staff that are off, who don't know the jobs they're filling in for. This WILL suck. But I'm ok with it, work, you expect chaos.
So, why better? See the list:
1)ok, you signed up for a race? Did you sign on to do well or did you sign on to do it? Did you sign on to stay dry or did you sign on to do it? Well? Did you do it? Yes. Good. Not doing it would'a sucked worse.
2)did you meet your obligations or cave in to illness? You met your obligations. You manned up. Well done.
Though I badly wanted to hide under the covers (and should have, gotta take care of the machine).
I'm quite taken with the club. Peeps done REALLY well. The crowd picks up on the hosts attitude, and we rose to the task. Props!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
day 273
THAT sucked
Pouring this am, seriously thought of staying in, or checking into the e.r. CAN'T shake this thing(amazing, can't call it "pneumonia," won't dignify it.). Couldn't bend my spine or take a deep breath. "c'mon, you need rest." True, but, have you forGOTTEN where I live. Off I went.
Helped the peeps set up, was asked why I didn't put flyers @ the Y (by the race director's WIFE???). I asked If I was the prez or the Race Director, or one of 8 other AP members who visit the Y????? I ALWAYS go above and beyond the call, but NEVER enable. Peoples started showing up. DESPITE the shitty conditions! Bless them. I DID miss Curtis and Sal, but then again, I-preregged-was thinking of staying home. LIRRC represented as did Polansky as did The Judge. Meant alot. The Judge's first race back after surgery.
We had a good turnout-especially for a day like today, especially considering the competition-More Marathon/Half, and 4 LI runs.
Me? Should'a stayed home. Really. The fat deaf guy from College Point passed me. Elik's wife passed me. Tom's wife Terri pasased me. Pretty much everyone but the walkers. You know it's bad when Ronit asked (@ the refreshment area) if anyone else was coming in. Need I say more? A course which is only a PART of my daily run, I couldn't run at a good pace. Came in at a minute over an hour. Sucked. TOTALLY sucked.
BEST of all, get home, can't rest. Of ALL fucking days, It FINALLY decides to render order to the piles of clothes. Translation: It's clothes cover the bed. Fuck me. Worst of all, I can't be angry. Yes, It picks the WRONG fucking day to do what It should daily (normal people REST on weekends?????), but It is trying. The problem I have with it other than the obvious: nothing changes. The pile of crap will be merely rearranged.
Any wonder why my time sucked? No real food in a week, no real sleep in a week, no real support of any kind.
Ken, did a killer job. Rettmer, killer job. Laughlin was his usual anxiety filled self (really drives himself nuts for no reason), Ronit and Alan are just amazing, and the T-shirt is actually way cool! THAT was great. The race itself was amazingly successful!!! We even had uber-tourists. This teeny-tiny little couple from Spain are in town, checked the web, and signed on for our race...and walked away with trophies!!!!! It was a great event. Me, sucked totally, but I did it. I didn't wuss out. For that, I am content. Would'a felt worse if I d.n.s.'d.
Elik's peep got it right. He asked my age. He said after 50, when you get a cold, it turns into bronchitis/pneumonia/"the grip." Nailed it. Made me feel a lil better.
***It's 8:24, It comes in from yet ANOTHER meeting, full of venom. How that worked, I just dunno. Starts on me-of course. I'm a hoarder (???did you SEE the pics of Its crap overflowing the place???), the rudest person It ever met.....ahhhhhh...home.....
that hospital is starting to look better and better.
Pouring this am, seriously thought of staying in, or checking into the e.r. CAN'T shake this thing(amazing, can't call it "pneumonia," won't dignify it.). Couldn't bend my spine or take a deep breath. "c'mon, you need rest." True, but, have you forGOTTEN where I live. Off I went.
Helped the peeps set up, was asked why I didn't put flyers @ the Y (by the race director's WIFE???). I asked If I was the prez or the Race Director, or one of 8 other AP members who visit the Y????? I ALWAYS go above and beyond the call, but NEVER enable. Peoples started showing up. DESPITE the shitty conditions! Bless them. I DID miss Curtis and Sal, but then again, I-preregged-was thinking of staying home. LIRRC represented as did Polansky as did The Judge. Meant alot. The Judge's first race back after surgery.
We had a good turnout-especially for a day like today, especially considering the competition-More Marathon/Half, and 4 LI runs.
Me? Should'a stayed home. Really. The fat deaf guy from College Point passed me. Elik's wife passed me. Tom's wife Terri pasased me. Pretty much everyone but the walkers. You know it's bad when Ronit asked (@ the refreshment area) if anyone else was coming in. Need I say more? A course which is only a PART of my daily run, I couldn't run at a good pace. Came in at a minute over an hour. Sucked. TOTALLY sucked.
BEST of all, get home, can't rest. Of ALL fucking days, It FINALLY decides to render order to the piles of clothes. Translation: It's clothes cover the bed. Fuck me. Worst of all, I can't be angry. Yes, It picks the WRONG fucking day to do what It should daily (normal people REST on weekends?????), but It is trying. The problem I have with it other than the obvious: nothing changes. The pile of crap will be merely rearranged.
Any wonder why my time sucked? No real food in a week, no real sleep in a week, no real support of any kind.
Ken, did a killer job. Rettmer, killer job. Laughlin was his usual anxiety filled self (really drives himself nuts for no reason), Ronit and Alan are just amazing, and the T-shirt is actually way cool! THAT was great. The race itself was amazingly successful!!! We even had uber-tourists. This teeny-tiny little couple from Spain are in town, checked the web, and signed on for our race...and walked away with trophies!!!!! It was a great event. Me, sucked totally, but I did it. I didn't wuss out. For that, I am content. Would'a felt worse if I d.n.s.'d.
Elik's peep got it right. He asked my age. He said after 50, when you get a cold, it turns into bronchitis/pneumonia/"the grip." Nailed it. Made me feel a lil better.
***It's 8:24, It comes in from yet ANOTHER meeting, full of venom. How that worked, I just dunno. Starts on me-of course. I'm a hoarder (???did you SEE the pics of Its crap overflowing the place???), the rudest person It ever met.....ahhhhhh...home.....
that hospital is starting to look better and better.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
day 272
I'm Back (some of me)
STILL feel like shit, but not letting it get the best of me. Made it to the Run for the Wild. AMAZINGLY hurt that Keith didn't wanna come, but, he's a teen with friends. BEAUTIFUL day for the run, perfect occasion for an excuse to jump back on the horse (hey, I'm preregged, gotta go), and best of all: no chips, a fun run! A no lose situation.
I remembered from last year it was hilly, not unlike AP. But WHAT an experience. LOTS more people, though they didn't run outta t-shirts this time. Last year WAS the first running, mistakes to be anticipated.
Turns out, Ken, Bill, Sara, Astrid, The Guy Who's Name I Can't Remember, and I were all there. Cool!!!
STILL couldn't draw a deep breath, was deeply tempted to take walk breaks, but made it. WHEW. Only prob: walkers in front. Even with MY pace, they got in my way.
Stopped @ The Parkhouse to take a leak, ran into more peeps, Dave STILL not happy with his Boston time (a WHITE guy coming in @ 3 hrs????) Laughlin STILL not happy with his Boston time (a family that loves him, a wife that can deal with him, whatthefuck is he doing outside of the house????), yet this disatisfaction is what gives us goals.
Hit the job, nailed down loose ends, the DMB tix were in the mail!!! Yay!!!
And to think I was gonna blow this one off, "I'm too sick," pussy.
(and yes, every step through the zoo took me back to cyo daycamp days). Childhood, a wonderful time. Passed the buffalo and actually got teary.
***And remind Stoney after I die what a great dad I was. He didn't wanna come to the zoo because It was out waitressing for a friend, he was taking the opportunity to host some guests. No prob, if they're his peeps, I trust them (despite the obvious: teenagers, unattended, male....hmmmm). Checked into the house, looked around, all was well. He and his main peep were taking a walk to 7-11. I asked if he thought it was smart to leave a house unattended, he said he trusted them-I told him "if you do, then I do," "by the way, can I have your computer?" You have no idea how oscar-winning that performance was. I made myself scarce 'til 6. Think about it. Did the race, hit the Y, showered, then fucked around til 6. STILL not fully healed, AFTER running not fully healed. Again, remind Stoney the shit I did for him. (and the BIGGEST part? Letting him go to grow. I.E. wanted to do something with him, but not getting in the way of his peeps, he needs to grow).
STILL feel like shit, but not letting it get the best of me. Made it to the Run for the Wild. AMAZINGLY hurt that Keith didn't wanna come, but, he's a teen with friends. BEAUTIFUL day for the run, perfect occasion for an excuse to jump back on the horse (hey, I'm preregged, gotta go), and best of all: no chips, a fun run! A no lose situation.
I remembered from last year it was hilly, not unlike AP. But WHAT an experience. LOTS more people, though they didn't run outta t-shirts this time. Last year WAS the first running, mistakes to be anticipated.
Turns out, Ken, Bill, Sara, Astrid, The Guy Who's Name I Can't Remember, and I were all there. Cool!!!
STILL couldn't draw a deep breath, was deeply tempted to take walk breaks, but made it. WHEW. Only prob: walkers in front. Even with MY pace, they got in my way.
Stopped @ The Parkhouse to take a leak, ran into more peeps, Dave STILL not happy with his Boston time (a WHITE guy coming in @ 3 hrs????) Laughlin STILL not happy with his Boston time (a family that loves him, a wife that can deal with him, whatthefuck is he doing outside of the house????), yet this disatisfaction is what gives us goals.
Hit the job, nailed down loose ends, the DMB tix were in the mail!!! Yay!!!
And to think I was gonna blow this one off, "I'm too sick," pussy.
(and yes, every step through the zoo took me back to cyo daycamp days). Childhood, a wonderful time. Passed the buffalo and actually got teary.
***And remind Stoney after I die what a great dad I was. He didn't wanna come to the zoo because It was out waitressing for a friend, he was taking the opportunity to host some guests. No prob, if they're his peeps, I trust them (despite the obvious: teenagers, unattended, male....hmmmm). Checked into the house, looked around, all was well. He and his main peep were taking a walk to 7-11. I asked if he thought it was smart to leave a house unattended, he said he trusted them-I told him "if you do, then I do," "by the way, can I have your computer?" You have no idea how oscar-winning that performance was. I made myself scarce 'til 6. Think about it. Did the race, hit the Y, showered, then fucked around til 6. STILL not fully healed, AFTER running not fully healed. Again, remind Stoney the shit I did for him. (and the BIGGEST part? Letting him go to grow. I.E. wanted to do something with him, but not getting in the way of his peeps, he needs to grow).
Friday, April 23, 2010
day 271
got bullets?
Ready to eat one right about now. Day 5 of this crap. Last night, again, no sleep. 'Round 6 yesterday managed to consume half an instant breakfast. Pathetic, even for me.
The good news: no more chest pain (so it WASN'T a heart attack!!!). The bad news: it went to my lower back. ANY movement whatsoever is agonizing. Big question: why haven't I collapsed? NOTHING consumed since monday-save the 1/2 instant breakfast. Somehow, just keep going.
A little down (could you tell?). Actually invited It and Stoney to the run manana. That's the Bronx Zoo "Run for the Wild." You park on the grounds at no cost, get into the park before it opens to the public, and they have a buttload of giveaways. Last year I ended up with a 6 month supply of hot sauce (you were supposed to take 1 at a time, the guy said "help yourself," so I did). They can't make it. He didn't explain, but I'm SURE it has to do with getting up early. It actually has a job, waitressing a friends party (yes, you read that right. Kind'a pathetic). Hey, I tried. Guess neither ever heard of rearranging plans? Family means nothing.
What I don't get is the whole joints thing: why do all my joints ache??? Wassup with this bug???
***AND, what's predicted for sunday??? RAIN! Fuck!
.....finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind.
Ready to eat one right about now. Day 5 of this crap. Last night, again, no sleep. 'Round 6 yesterday managed to consume half an instant breakfast. Pathetic, even for me.
The good news: no more chest pain (so it WASN'T a heart attack!!!). The bad news: it went to my lower back. ANY movement whatsoever is agonizing. Big question: why haven't I collapsed? NOTHING consumed since monday-save the 1/2 instant breakfast. Somehow, just keep going.
A little down (could you tell?). Actually invited It and Stoney to the run manana. That's the Bronx Zoo "Run for the Wild." You park on the grounds at no cost, get into the park before it opens to the public, and they have a buttload of giveaways. Last year I ended up with a 6 month supply of hot sauce (you were supposed to take 1 at a time, the guy said "help yourself," so I did). They can't make it. He didn't explain, but I'm SURE it has to do with getting up early. It actually has a job, waitressing a friends party (yes, you read that right. Kind'a pathetic). Hey, I tried. Guess neither ever heard of rearranging plans? Family means nothing.
What I don't get is the whole joints thing: why do all my joints ache??? Wassup with this bug???
***AND, what's predicted for sunday??? RAIN! Fuck!
.....finished with my woman 'cause she couldn't help me with my mind.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
day 270
a.k.a."STILL illin!!!"
This bug thing is outta control. Yesterday pm hadda ask if I could boogie early, had a peep drive me home, couldn't even friggin' drive. Jeeeeez. Went to bed asap, didn't leave (except to pee every hour on the hour, all night) until now (it's 1:20). And I'm SURE I'll fall immediately asleep. Sleeping's never been a problem, STAYING asleep with this bug IS the problem. Haven't eaten in 4 days. This really sucks. Obviously not @ the job today, when I asked to boogie yesterday I asked if I could take today as a personal day (haven't called in sick in 20 years, not starting now), of course he agreed. You hadda see me, I was hunched over like a crone, my chest was KILLING me. If I didn't know better I'd have thought it was a stroke or heart attack, but for a few hours it was the left side, then the right. If I'd seen me, I would'a laughed my ass off.
This bug thing is outta control. Yesterday pm hadda ask if I could boogie early, had a peep drive me home, couldn't even friggin' drive. Jeeeeez. Went to bed asap, didn't leave (except to pee every hour on the hour, all night) until now (it's 1:20). And I'm SURE I'll fall immediately asleep. Sleeping's never been a problem, STAYING asleep with this bug IS the problem. Haven't eaten in 4 days. This really sucks. Obviously not @ the job today, when I asked to boogie yesterday I asked if I could take today as a personal day (haven't called in sick in 20 years, not starting now), of course he agreed. You hadda see me, I was hunched over like a crone, my chest was KILLING me. If I didn't know better I'd have thought it was a stroke or heart attack, but for a few hours it was the left side, then the right. If I'd seen me, I would'a laughed my ass off.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
day 269
this SUUUUUUUUCKS!
ANOTHER sleepless night. Jeeeeeeeeeeez. EVERY muscle aches, every joint aches, this is NOT fun. Can barely eat. Was optimistic, brought my running stuff in with the intent of going out this am, could barely get out of bed, then barely stand straight. MAN this sucks.
Rain predicted for Sunday, dayum!
Need some good news, fast.
ANOTHER sleepless night. Jeeeeeeeeeeez. EVERY muscle aches, every joint aches, this is NOT fun. Can barely eat. Was optimistic, brought my running stuff in with the intent of going out this am, could barely get out of bed, then barely stand straight. MAN this sucks.
Rain predicted for Sunday, dayum!
Need some good news, fast.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
day 268
news to me!
REALLY needed to run this am, but couldn't. Barely slept, up every hour, all joints ache, throat, cough etc......Just can't beat this bug.
So, why needed to run? It, of course. I come home yesterday, Its way of managing anxiety/frustration is to accuse me of whining and yelling. Yes...me, whining? Yelling? Amazing. Utterly amazing. Why is It frustrated/anxious? Taking a Civil Service exam today. Tough deciding what you wanna do when you grow up when you're grown up and realizing it's too late. (so, I whine and yell, added to going to sleep @ 7 and awakening @ 3. Reality check anyone???). Awfully validating to come home from work and be the recepient of such overwhelming validation. Lil Miss 12 step is a tad negative n'est pas?
...when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
REALLY needed to run this am, but couldn't. Barely slept, up every hour, all joints ache, throat, cough etc......Just can't beat this bug.
So, why needed to run? It, of course. I come home yesterday, Its way of managing anxiety/frustration is to accuse me of whining and yelling. Yes...me, whining? Yelling? Amazing. Utterly amazing. Why is It frustrated/anxious? Taking a Civil Service exam today. Tough deciding what you wanna do when you grow up when you're grown up and realizing it's too late. (so, I whine and yell, added to going to sleep @ 7 and awakening @ 3. Reality check anyone???). Awfully validating to come home from work and be the recepient of such overwhelming validation. Lil Miss 12 step is a tad negative n'est pas?
...when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro
Monday, April 19, 2010
day 267
I earned it!
FINALLY caved and took a day off. No Boot Camp, no Spin, no Run. Zip. My legs'll thank me, knees will bless me.
CAN'T shake this cold. Glad I didn't let it get the best of me, doing the race AND the grass yesterday was amazing, but got it done. Really ran myself ragged. THAT and taxes? I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. Freedom is good.
...still...what a gorgeous morning!!!! Would'a been purrrrrfect for a run (there WILL be more days like this one...won't there?).
FINALLY caved and took a day off. No Boot Camp, no Spin, no Run. Zip. My legs'll thank me, knees will bless me.
CAN'T shake this cold. Glad I didn't let it get the best of me, doing the race AND the grass yesterday was amazing, but got it done. Really ran myself ragged. THAT and taxes? I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders. Freedom is good.
...still...what a gorgeous morning!!!! Would'a been purrrrrfect for a run (there WILL be more days like this one...won't there?).
Sunday, April 18, 2010
day 266
they were the best of times, they were the worst of times.
Woke up this am, STILL sick, pc dead. DAYUM!!! Whip out the slaptop as a backup.
Backstory: It STILL hasn't called Mr."Unclog my toilet," despite being given the $$$, I'm procrastinating re: doing the lawn, putting it off for as long as possible, since once you start...you're stuck every 2 weeks. Plan was to call brotherfromanothermother. But, hadda man up. Whothefuck calls a peep to help do their lawn??? Grow a pair willya???!!!
Did the NYRR run, nothing special, time SUCKED, but YOU try running totally congested without being able to draw a full breath. Taking solace in the fact that I didn't have to walk any of it. Mr.G was there in an official capacity, always GREAT to see him.
Picked up a cheapy weed wacker on the way home (with the backyard looking like Vietnam, hadda first weedwack, then mow). 2 cans of Monster later, the lawn was done. One can to weedwack, other to mow. Never drink that crap (sugar free of course), but REALLY needed it. I was embarassed to look @ the yard. Actually surprised, the weedwacker made it without having to change the line/reload. Nice. I can never do that-I'm convinced that's their way of making you buy another (I have 4 in the garage, stop laughing).
Like I said, time @ the race was juuust below 50%, 49 actually. Not bad for someone who should be in bed under the covers.
Peeps in Boston, props to them.
Glad the grass is cut. Just can't see paying someone to do what I'm perfectly capable of. I obviously have no problem spending money, but waste I got a BIG problem with.
After all was said and done, the pc works!!! For now. Hey, it cost me $100. Got my money's worth.
Woke up this am, STILL sick, pc dead. DAYUM!!! Whip out the slaptop as a backup.
Backstory: It STILL hasn't called Mr."Unclog my toilet," despite being given the $$$, I'm procrastinating re: doing the lawn, putting it off for as long as possible, since once you start...you're stuck every 2 weeks. Plan was to call brotherfromanothermother. But, hadda man up. Whothefuck calls a peep to help do their lawn??? Grow a pair willya???!!!
Did the NYRR run, nothing special, time SUCKED, but YOU try running totally congested without being able to draw a full breath. Taking solace in the fact that I didn't have to walk any of it. Mr.G was there in an official capacity, always GREAT to see him.
Picked up a cheapy weed wacker on the way home (with the backyard looking like Vietnam, hadda first weedwack, then mow). 2 cans of Monster later, the lawn was done. One can to weedwack, other to mow. Never drink that crap (sugar free of course), but REALLY needed it. I was embarassed to look @ the yard. Actually surprised, the weedwacker made it without having to change the line/reload. Nice. I can never do that-I'm convinced that's their way of making you buy another (I have 4 in the garage, stop laughing).
Like I said, time @ the race was juuust below 50%, 49 actually. Not bad for someone who should be in bed under the covers.
Peeps in Boston, props to them.
Glad the grass is cut. Just can't see paying someone to do what I'm perfectly capable of. I obviously have no problem spending money, but waste I got a BIG problem with.
After all was said and done, the pc works!!! For now. Hey, it cost me $100. Got my money's worth.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
day 265
good decision!
Rainy, foggy am, flipping a coin, but made plans to hook up @ AP to talk with brotherfromanothermother.
Hit the unit, tie down loose ends, head to The Parkhouse. Hook up with him, catch up, head out to do St.Francis. Glad I did. After Boot Camp (only) yesterday, needed the miles. AND with manana's race being a 4m, really need the miles. AND, thank GOD, the friggin' sauna's FINALLY fixed @ the gym. Bout friggin time, one goddamned month. Could BUILD a fucking sauna in that time.
Nice to see my peeps.
Boston Monday, luck to the Wearers of the Green.
Funny, the club is a shambles, the store closed. Did we learn anything from Quantum? Yes. Run to run, not for profit or to compete. Exclusion=failure. Don't gotta LIKE everyone, but gotta love all.
...btw: gave It $$$ to have the sewer/drain people unclog the toilet, did It call them? Nope. Amazing. Utterly amazing. When you see me float away on a tide of brown, don't laugh TOO hard.
Rainy, foggy am, flipping a coin, but made plans to hook up @ AP to talk with brotherfromanothermother.
Hit the unit, tie down loose ends, head to The Parkhouse. Hook up with him, catch up, head out to do St.Francis. Glad I did. After Boot Camp (only) yesterday, needed the miles. AND with manana's race being a 4m, really need the miles. AND, thank GOD, the friggin' sauna's FINALLY fixed @ the gym. Bout friggin time, one goddamned month. Could BUILD a fucking sauna in that time.
Nice to see my peeps.
Boston Monday, luck to the Wearers of the Green.
Funny, the club is a shambles, the store closed. Did we learn anything from Quantum? Yes. Run to run, not for profit or to compete. Exclusion=failure. Don't gotta LIKE everyone, but gotta love all.
...btw: gave It $$$ to have the sewer/drain people unclog the toilet, did It call them? Nope. Amazing. Utterly amazing. When you see me float away on a tide of brown, don't laugh TOO hard.
Friday, April 16, 2010
day 264
time marches on, in SPITE of us
Quantum Athletics closed, peeps not doing Boston for one reason or another. Wow. 'Tings ain't what they used to be. Good to still be in the game.
Recovering from taking him to rehab yesterday, feel as if I was driving all over New York. First Staten Island, then Orangeberg, wow. And I'd do it all over again in a second. Peeps be worth it. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Screwed up re: this am-rain was predicted, didn't happen. Apparently the front is delayed in coming in. SHIT. But it was meant to be this way. I went to sleep yesterday at 8pm, I was WIPED (hey, YOU wake up @ 3am every day then run 7-10 miles THEN drive all over ny). Battling a cold, I needed the break, but need to workout. So, Boot Camp in an hour. You didn't REALLY think I could go a day without did you?
Boot Camp was good. Didn't do the usual warm up, they used the spin bikes instead. Took me back to olden days. Prior to this class, spent 30mins on the ellip, again, reawakening fond memories.
.....rather buy me a new carburetor.......
Quantum Athletics closed, peeps not doing Boston for one reason or another. Wow. 'Tings ain't what they used to be. Good to still be in the game.
Recovering from taking him to rehab yesterday, feel as if I was driving all over New York. First Staten Island, then Orangeberg, wow. And I'd do it all over again in a second. Peeps be worth it. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Screwed up re: this am-rain was predicted, didn't happen. Apparently the front is delayed in coming in. SHIT. But it was meant to be this way. I went to sleep yesterday at 8pm, I was WIPED (hey, YOU wake up @ 3am every day then run 7-10 miles THEN drive all over ny). Battling a cold, I needed the break, but need to workout. So, Boot Camp in an hour. You didn't REALLY think I could go a day without did you?
Boot Camp was good. Didn't do the usual warm up, they used the spin bikes instead. Took me back to olden days. Prior to this class, spent 30mins on the ellip, again, reawakening fond memories.
.....rather buy me a new carburetor.......
Thursday, April 15, 2010
day 263
mission accomplished!!!
Was DREADING today. Did Boot Camp last night, was exhausted this am, but, knowing the predicted rain manana, hadda do this am. So, St.Francis it was-shorts and sweatshirt. Perfect. Barely broke a sweat. (same last night-wtf is wrong with my sweat glands???). Showered, changed, off to do the deed.
"The deed?" Deliver my peep to rehab. Former coworker relapsed on opiates. Went to Staten Island to fetch him from his brother's (he'd come from Cape Cod remember), then off to Orangeberg, to a sister ATC. WHAT a roadtrip! Can't believe I made it back this same day, but that's what you do for a peep in need.
Felt good about it. His "friends" are in the dark, have no idea where he is. Only his wife, the Director and I know. These are the sorts of situations that show who your peeps are.
...and in the midst of this I get contacted by Vince re: the club clock. WTF? Not my problem schmuck. Another lost soul. How Sue tolerates him is beyond me.
Was DREADING today. Did Boot Camp last night, was exhausted this am, but, knowing the predicted rain manana, hadda do this am. So, St.Francis it was-shorts and sweatshirt. Perfect. Barely broke a sweat. (same last night-wtf is wrong with my sweat glands???). Showered, changed, off to do the deed.
"The deed?" Deliver my peep to rehab. Former coworker relapsed on opiates. Went to Staten Island to fetch him from his brother's (he'd come from Cape Cod remember), then off to Orangeberg, to a sister ATC. WHAT a roadtrip! Can't believe I made it back this same day, but that's what you do for a peep in need.
Felt good about it. His "friends" are in the dark, have no idea where he is. Only his wife, the Director and I know. These are the sorts of situations that show who your peeps are.
...and in the midst of this I get contacted by Vince re: the club clock. WTF? Not my problem schmuck. Another lost soul. How Sue tolerates him is beyond me.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
day 262
my miracle happened!!!
Sometimes you DO have to wait for it.
Yesterday was hell day, thank GOD I got my run on. All afternoon was an emergency preparedness test. Building evacuated, hadda relocate the patients, with planned wrinkles transpiring every 15 minutes. Of course lil ol' me "I'm the a.d., all the blame/none of the credit" was the point man for the facility. It went flawlessly-I'm THAT good. But that wasn't the high point. Crap you expect on the job.
Got home, 1/4 inch of sewage, as in BROWN (use your imagination) all over the bathroom AND kitchen. It leaves for yet another meeting. W.T.F.????? You truly cannot make this crap up. Stoney's on his laptop farting around. No one doing a damned thing.
SOMEHOW got to sleep (after cleaning up the mess-is my place in heaven ready yet?)
Woke up this am too late for a run, Boot Camp tonight-my knees'll thank me. Of course first thing on site I'm tackled by all the patients' questions they SHOULD direct to their counselors, but their counselors are supervised by pussies who can't do anything. So, it falls to me-no prob-we ARE here for the patients and they shouldn't suffer due to our ineptitude. This after spending hours cleaning up other people's messes.
What SLAYS me: don't they give a shit about where they live??? Could YOU leave 1/4 inch of RAW sewage on the floor, while you deal with your "wellness." GREAT example for your son.
So, after the work chaos and home chaos, I come to the job, one of the peeps' relatives is a former Knick. Spoke with him on the phone. Wow. Thanks God. Owe you.
***Though it WOULD be nice to look forward to going "home," and NOT have to encounter more shit (literally) than in the workplace. THAT truly hurts. When you intervene in crises all day, only to face more when you walk through the front door, it gets disheartening. "Home" should be where you seek refuge, where you feel safe and loved. So it goes.....
Sometimes you DO have to wait for it.
Yesterday was hell day, thank GOD I got my run on. All afternoon was an emergency preparedness test. Building evacuated, hadda relocate the patients, with planned wrinkles transpiring every 15 minutes. Of course lil ol' me "I'm the a.d., all the blame/none of the credit" was the point man for the facility. It went flawlessly-I'm THAT good. But that wasn't the high point. Crap you expect on the job.
Got home, 1/4 inch of sewage, as in BROWN (use your imagination) all over the bathroom AND kitchen. It leaves for yet another meeting. W.T.F.????? You truly cannot make this crap up. Stoney's on his laptop farting around. No one doing a damned thing.
SOMEHOW got to sleep (after cleaning up the mess-is my place in heaven ready yet?)
Woke up this am too late for a run, Boot Camp tonight-my knees'll thank me. Of course first thing on site I'm tackled by all the patients' questions they SHOULD direct to their counselors, but their counselors are supervised by pussies who can't do anything. So, it falls to me-no prob-we ARE here for the patients and they shouldn't suffer due to our ineptitude. This after spending hours cleaning up other people's messes.
What SLAYS me: don't they give a shit about where they live??? Could YOU leave 1/4 inch of RAW sewage on the floor, while you deal with your "wellness." GREAT example for your son.
So, after the work chaos and home chaos, I come to the job, one of the peeps' relatives is a former Knick. Spoke with him on the phone. Wow. Thanks God. Owe you.
***Though it WOULD be nice to look forward to going "home," and NOT have to encounter more shit (literally) than in the workplace. THAT truly hurts. When you intervene in crises all day, only to face more when you walk through the front door, it gets disheartening. "Home" should be where you seek refuge, where you feel safe and loved. So it goes.....
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
day 261
on a roll here!!!
St.Francis+ this am. Knees a lil' achy, but ok overall. The crosstraining helped. REALLY wish I could go to Spin AND run, but it's gotta be one or the other. Otherwise, the quality of both suffers.
VERY relieved to have the taxes done. Now (insert theme from Jaws here), the lawn. Putting it off until I can't any longer.
Dan called yesterday on my way home. Really a lost soul. The closest I ever came to envy was when he called from his porch in Florida, then he calls from where he relocated-Cape Cod. Can't help but note how the timing struck: I'm nursing my wounds from Ms.12 Step/Shebitch completely ignoring my anniversary, and he calls. Wow. Still, I wouldn't trade-though it WOULD be nice to not have 1/4 inch of water in my bathroom. I can honestly say I'm glad to be who I am, though not where I am.
Brotherfromanothermother called last night: dropped the ball! Didn't sign up for The Big One in time. He might be s.o.l. Dayum.
St.Francis+ this am. Knees a lil' achy, but ok overall. The crosstraining helped. REALLY wish I could go to Spin AND run, but it's gotta be one or the other. Otherwise, the quality of both suffers.
VERY relieved to have the taxes done. Now (insert theme from Jaws here), the lawn. Putting it off until I can't any longer.
Dan called yesterday on my way home. Really a lost soul. The closest I ever came to envy was when he called from his porch in Florida, then he calls from where he relocated-Cape Cod. Can't help but note how the timing struck: I'm nursing my wounds from Ms.12 Step/Shebitch completely ignoring my anniversary, and he calls. Wow. Still, I wouldn't trade-though it WOULD be nice to not have 1/4 inch of water in my bathroom. I can honestly say I'm glad to be who I am, though not where I am.
Brotherfromanothermother called last night: dropped the ball! Didn't sign up for The Big One in time. He might be s.o.l. Dayum.
Monday, April 12, 2010
day 260
whatthefuck?????
GREAT morning, crisp, niiice "should'awornglovesbutdidn'testimatetempscorrectly" weather. REALLY blew THAT call, needed gloves, but otherwise, perfect t shirt and shorts temps. Faster than usual due to loss of sensation in the digits.
This time of year is ALWAYS odd-tax time AND the first cutting of the lawn after winter. BOTH suck. So...delay the lawn to the point where a mower won't work, need a weed whacker first, then mow a week later. Got the taxes done this am, did well, but KILLS me that I'm stuck paying on ITs disability.
Get back to the unit after St.Francis and a shower @ the Y (hot water SUCKS after 6 am here), when, my phone rings. NOT my cell, the landline. WHO the HELL would be dumb enough to call THIS early? One of my m.i.a. peeps. He's living in Cape Cod, retired, on opiates. Was calling to get into a program. Wow. The shit we take for granted. Here I am dreading the cutting of the lawn and taxes, here's a guy with REAL problems. Wow.
GREAT morning, crisp, niiice "should'awornglovesbutdidn'testimatetempscorrectly" weather. REALLY blew THAT call, needed gloves, but otherwise, perfect t shirt and shorts temps. Faster than usual due to loss of sensation in the digits.
This time of year is ALWAYS odd-tax time AND the first cutting of the lawn after winter. BOTH suck. So...delay the lawn to the point where a mower won't work, need a weed whacker first, then mow a week later. Got the taxes done this am, did well, but KILLS me that I'm stuck paying on ITs disability.
Get back to the unit after St.Francis and a shower @ the Y (hot water SUCKS after 6 am here), when, my phone rings. NOT my cell, the landline. WHO the HELL would be dumb enough to call THIS early? One of my m.i.a. peeps. He's living in Cape Cod, retired, on opiates. Was calling to get into a program. Wow. The shit we take for granted. Here I am dreading the cutting of the lawn and taxes, here's a guy with REAL problems. Wow.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
day 259
I've got to admit
...it's getting better!
Doing a lil better lately. Time inching closer to 9-ish (TOLD you it was the shoes. The Brooks Beast-daily running shoes-add almost 45 seconds per mile. They're like soft cinderblocks. Used my Sauconys today. Lighter, with inserts, but not meant for distance runs). Of course, common sense dictates that's due to shorter distances, but hey, it's STILL longer than a 5k.
Ran into Big Bird, and of course, Mr.G. (does he LIVE in CP?)
Back to Toxichouse, everyone STILL sleeping, note the time (almost 1pm). Stoney wakes up grumpy, It..well..whothefuckcares.
MUST be nice to have weekends you look forward to rather than endure.
Delaying cutting the grass for as long as possible. It's almost a foot high. Gonna make the dogpoop interesting to find.
...it's getting better!
Doing a lil better lately. Time inching closer to 9-ish (TOLD you it was the shoes. The Brooks Beast-daily running shoes-add almost 45 seconds per mile. They're like soft cinderblocks. Used my Sauconys today. Lighter, with inserts, but not meant for distance runs). Of course, common sense dictates that's due to shorter distances, but hey, it's STILL longer than a 5k.
Ran into Big Bird, and of course, Mr.G. (does he LIVE in CP?)
Back to Toxichouse, everyone STILL sleeping, note the time (almost 1pm). Stoney wakes up grumpy, It..well..whothefuckcares.
MUST be nice to have weekends you look forward to rather than endure.
Delaying cutting the grass for as long as possible. It's almost a foot high. Gonna make the dogpoop interesting to find.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
day 258
you can run...but...
Did the Haiti 4m in CP as a warm up for manana's NYRR 4m in CP. Today, no clock, no chip, no frills. Purely as a fundraiser-with hundreds. Odd, no bagels or anything after. Prizes for top 3 runners, that's it. As well it should be, it WAS a fundraiser.
Odd thing: ran into Mr.G, as I passed asked "Hey, it isn't a NYRR event, what'r u doin' here?" He gave me his usual "hey guy." Helluva nice man. Odder STILL, I'd parked on 89th n' fifth, the run ended on 103rd. On the walk back, heard my name called-it was Carmen and Victor. Ever the wiseass, I indicated "Queens is over there, you got the wrong park." No sooner do I utter that, than Fran and Nella run, literally, into me. How lovely!!! You're never alone. They didn't know about today's race-I, of course, pointed to our wonderful website! Well done DP!!!
So, why park on 89th? It's around the corner from NYRR, so after the Haiti run, cool down, then go get my number for manana. How perfect was that?
Did the Haiti 4m in CP as a warm up for manana's NYRR 4m in CP. Today, no clock, no chip, no frills. Purely as a fundraiser-with hundreds. Odd, no bagels or anything after. Prizes for top 3 runners, that's it. As well it should be, it WAS a fundraiser.
Odd thing: ran into Mr.G, as I passed asked "Hey, it isn't a NYRR event, what'r u doin' here?" He gave me his usual "hey guy." Helluva nice man. Odder STILL, I'd parked on 89th n' fifth, the run ended on 103rd. On the walk back, heard my name called-it was Carmen and Victor. Ever the wiseass, I indicated "Queens is over there, you got the wrong park." No sooner do I utter that, than Fran and Nella run, literally, into me. How lovely!!! You're never alone. They didn't know about today's race-I, of course, pointed to our wonderful website! Well done DP!!!
So, why park on 89th? It's around the corner from NYRR, so after the Haiti run, cool down, then go get my number for manana. How perfect was that?
Friday, April 9, 2010
day 257
t.g.i.f.
Tough week. It getting more bent than usual (after vehemently denying being mental, hounded every word of a phone call yesterday, as in: the party to whom I was speaking actually asked "who's the psycho in the background?"). Otherwise the week went well, got my run on every day, knees achy-but no more than usual.
Rain this am. Good thing. Was the excuse I needed to chillax for the morning, sort of. Doing Boot Camp (hey, gotta do SOMETHING). Also, manana is a 4m, the next day another 4m, so gotta get the work in somewhere. ALMOST thought of totally taking the day, but the unit's as tranquil as can be expected, so gotta do SOMETHING for #1.
***this just in: did the Boot Camp. Amazing how what Steve (and George Sheehan and...) said was deadly accurate: "the hardest part of_______is getting out the front door." I was tempted to take a day off, left knee achy etc....excuses, excuses. Hit the gym anyway. Mortals/well adjusted people would say you need a day off. Never said I was well adjusted. REALLY glad I did the class. I walk through the weight room to get to the mini gym, my name gets called out by a couple of people. Wow. Despite wanting to be invisible, nice to have friends where I least/didn't expect. Richie and Barry were lifting weights. That, and seeing the instructor, were very validating-what I don't get where I sleep. Instructor had my number-said "I know, it's raining right?" Of course-it was raining so i couldn't run in the am, hadda do SOMETHING, despite my ambivalence. All that AND a great workout. Now, if I could just get over the concept of having to earn what I consume: i.e. "I ran 6-7 miles, did the ellip, did Boot Camp, NOW I can eat." All in all, beats being fat.
Tough week. It getting more bent than usual (after vehemently denying being mental, hounded every word of a phone call yesterday, as in: the party to whom I was speaking actually asked "who's the psycho in the background?"). Otherwise the week went well, got my run on every day, knees achy-but no more than usual.
Rain this am. Good thing. Was the excuse I needed to chillax for the morning, sort of. Doing Boot Camp (hey, gotta do SOMETHING). Also, manana is a 4m, the next day another 4m, so gotta get the work in somewhere. ALMOST thought of totally taking the day, but the unit's as tranquil as can be expected, so gotta do SOMETHING for #1.
***this just in: did the Boot Camp. Amazing how what Steve (and George Sheehan and...) said was deadly accurate: "the hardest part of_______is getting out the front door." I was tempted to take a day off, left knee achy etc....excuses, excuses. Hit the gym anyway. Mortals/well adjusted people would say you need a day off. Never said I was well adjusted. REALLY glad I did the class. I walk through the weight room to get to the mini gym, my name gets called out by a couple of people. Wow. Despite wanting to be invisible, nice to have friends where I least/didn't expect. Richie and Barry were lifting weights. That, and seeing the instructor, were very validating-what I don't get where I sleep. Instructor had my number-said "I know, it's raining right?" Of course-it was raining so i couldn't run in the am, hadda do SOMETHING, despite my ambivalence. All that AND a great workout. Now, if I could just get over the concept of having to earn what I consume: i.e. "I ran 6-7 miles, did the ellip, did Boot Camp, NOW I can eat." All in all, beats being fat.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
day 256
Take your meds!!!
Ok, here's the deal. It enters the hospital, I clean house, thinking, It's outta the way, Stoney deserves a clean environment. It gets outta the hospital, place falls apart. Clothes pouring outta closets, pick your daily clothing from the pile on the floor, toilet overflowing. last night, half inch of water on the bathroom floor, I mop it up with towels, It stands, raging, screaming about getting a court order (lovely words to utter in the presence of your son n'est pas?). Guess that was Its way of thanking me for cleaning up Its mess. Why did I intervene? It left the water to seep into the floor...yes...take a minute to let that one sink (ouch) in. Moron was gonna let the floor get ruined because It's psycho. THEN scream @ the wrong party. Now, again, think: THIS is Its behavior when It's ON medications. PLEASE go back into the hospital.
St.Francis this am, first "shirt off" run. Felt soooooo nice to run in only shorts.
Spoke with brotherfromanothermother. Told him he didn't sound different, though he must be adjusting to sharing his living space. Turns out Fran knows them, through one degree of seperation.
Ok, here's the deal. It enters the hospital, I clean house, thinking, It's outta the way, Stoney deserves a clean environment. It gets outta the hospital, place falls apart. Clothes pouring outta closets, pick your daily clothing from the pile on the floor, toilet overflowing. last night, half inch of water on the bathroom floor, I mop it up with towels, It stands, raging, screaming about getting a court order (lovely words to utter in the presence of your son n'est pas?). Guess that was Its way of thanking me for cleaning up Its mess. Why did I intervene? It left the water to seep into the floor...yes...take a minute to let that one sink (ouch) in. Moron was gonna let the floor get ruined because It's psycho. THEN scream @ the wrong party. Now, again, think: THIS is Its behavior when It's ON medications. PLEASE go back into the hospital.
St.Francis this am, first "shirt off" run. Felt soooooo nice to run in only shorts.
Spoke with brotherfromanothermother. Told him he didn't sound different, though he must be adjusting to sharing his living space. Turns out Fran knows them, through one degree of seperation.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
day 255
Birds chirping, sun shining!!!
WHAT a morning! Waiting for the meteorological shoe to drop. This CAN'T continue. Almost looking forward to the thursday rain. One more morning run and the weekend will approach.
St.Francis + TeamQuantumBrickWell'sFeet, so 10 total. (Always wonder: how can I go this distance with little prob, yet in a race need power gels every 3-4 miles?)
Tonight MIGHT do Boot Camp. Dunno. See how the day shapes up.
Did a drive-by of where I initially got sober. Meeting doesn't exist anymore. (do I turn into a pillar of salt now?). Good thing I don't look back, this is yet another reason. Treat life like a race: during a race I NEVER turn around, always look forward.
WHAT a morning! Waiting for the meteorological shoe to drop. This CAN'T continue. Almost looking forward to the thursday rain. One more morning run and the weekend will approach.
St.Francis + TeamQuantumBrickWell'sFeet, so 10 total. (Always wonder: how can I go this distance with little prob, yet in a race need power gels every 3-4 miles?)
Tonight MIGHT do Boot Camp. Dunno. See how the day shapes up.
Did a drive-by of where I initially got sober. Meeting doesn't exist anymore. (do I turn into a pillar of salt now?). Good thing I don't look back, this is yet another reason. Treat life like a race: during a race I NEVER turn around, always look forward.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
this just in
spoke (for the first time in a long time-my ego's not that frail nor in need of reinforcement) @ a meeting this am to note the anniversary.
It was 25 years ago (and one day, April 5 actually) I walked into South Oaks. Put it off for as long as I could, eventually got the admission date. Terrified, scared shit, spent the first night on the "flight deck" (psych unit) per protocol-all new admissions spend the night there to gauge their stability. Thank god that didn't last for more than 24 hours. Like it wasn't anxiety filled enough: doing without my substances of choice, spending this time with psych patients. Dealt with the cavity search etc...and met the guy who'd be my roommate throughout my stay: Gary.
SOMEHOW made it through 28 days. Horrible food (1,200 calorie diet-boiled chicken and broiled fish), smoked my lungs out (thanks to the peeps who gave me smokes), lost the jacket and tie-my walls, and the weight melted off.
Made it through, with no base of operations. The Seminary was def outta the picture. Went to a shitload of meetings. Walked to most, yes, LOTS of walking. Then, a meeting peep gave me a bike. Little wonder 210 lbs flew by-between not indulging in every substance, was exercising my ass off.
STILL can't believe I indulged in my daily indulgences:
An entire pizza
Salami provolone hero
Dozen bagels
Dozen donuts
25 White Castles
4litre Carlo Rossi Rhine Wine
1 Litre Wild Turkey
Beer, lots.
Imagine consuming all this DAILY. Wow, I was a mess. Toward the end: a litre of 151 rum. Nothing else would get me trashed-it's called "acquired tolerance."
God bless mom for tolerating me. God bless Jeff (Exxon Valdez) Hazelwood for being there for me. God bless Pete for driving me and putting a dollar in my pocket, God bless Jim for being my sponsor.
Wow. What a trip.
Learned to drive, got a job, got fired from that job, got blacklisted, got another job, fell in love no less than 3x, fell in lust too often to mention, got a car, got married, got a house, had a son. Wow. Friggin' wow.
The fat fuck with man boobs who was too embarassed to remove his shirt for shirts/skins basketball has run dozens of marathons, achieved his goal of becoming Jimmy Page thin, has risen to the top of his profession, and now runs a rehab. Friggin' amazing.
I know mom was proud, or was it relieved? I hope my father knows.
It was 25 years ago (and one day, April 5 actually) I walked into South Oaks. Put it off for as long as I could, eventually got the admission date. Terrified, scared shit, spent the first night on the "flight deck" (psych unit) per protocol-all new admissions spend the night there to gauge their stability. Thank god that didn't last for more than 24 hours. Like it wasn't anxiety filled enough: doing without my substances of choice, spending this time with psych patients. Dealt with the cavity search etc...and met the guy who'd be my roommate throughout my stay: Gary.
SOMEHOW made it through 28 days. Horrible food (1,200 calorie diet-boiled chicken and broiled fish), smoked my lungs out (thanks to the peeps who gave me smokes), lost the jacket and tie-my walls, and the weight melted off.
Made it through, with no base of operations. The Seminary was def outta the picture. Went to a shitload of meetings. Walked to most, yes, LOTS of walking. Then, a meeting peep gave me a bike. Little wonder 210 lbs flew by-between not indulging in every substance, was exercising my ass off.
STILL can't believe I indulged in my daily indulgences:
An entire pizza
Salami provolone hero
Dozen bagels
Dozen donuts
25 White Castles
4litre Carlo Rossi Rhine Wine
1 Litre Wild Turkey
Beer, lots.
Imagine consuming all this DAILY. Wow, I was a mess. Toward the end: a litre of 151 rum. Nothing else would get me trashed-it's called "acquired tolerance."
God bless mom for tolerating me. God bless Jeff (Exxon Valdez) Hazelwood for being there for me. God bless Pete for driving me and putting a dollar in my pocket, God bless Jim for being my sponsor.
Wow. What a trip.
Learned to drive, got a job, got fired from that job, got blacklisted, got another job, fell in love no less than 3x, fell in lust too often to mention, got a car, got married, got a house, had a son. Wow. Friggin' wow.
The fat fuck with man boobs who was too embarassed to remove his shirt for shirts/skins basketball has run dozens of marathons, achieved his goal of becoming Jimmy Page thin, has risen to the top of his profession, and now runs a rehab. Friggin' amazing.
I know mom was proud, or was it relieved? I hope my father knows.
day 254
good decision!
Again, was split. Spin tonight or loco-mote this am? Woke up later than usual (by my standards), so was "pressed for time," meaning, wouldn't hit The Line until 5:15 am. What to do, what to do? Hit 7-11, got coffee, the papers, ok so far. Got to AP 'round 5:36. OK, let's go. Did it. Good decision. Temps were, again, perfect (one other option had been to run after work, but you already know about that: if you can run after work, you didn't work). Also, temps today are predicted to be warm, so later this pm might be too warm. St.Francis it was.
Really nice to again see my predawn peeps.
Back to the job, whatthefuck??? Cold water. DAYUM! So, fiddler crabbed it to the gym, ahhhhhh. More gooder.
On a roll with running, no day off, yet. But it's coming. RAIN predicted for Thursday evening through Friday. Puuuuurfect. Spin Thursday night. Sounds like a plan n'est pas?
Surprised, knees don't ache...that much.
Again, was split. Spin tonight or loco-mote this am? Woke up later than usual (by my standards), so was "pressed for time," meaning, wouldn't hit The Line until 5:15 am. What to do, what to do? Hit 7-11, got coffee, the papers, ok so far. Got to AP 'round 5:36. OK, let's go. Did it. Good decision. Temps were, again, perfect (one other option had been to run after work, but you already know about that: if you can run after work, you didn't work). Also, temps today are predicted to be warm, so later this pm might be too warm. St.Francis it was.
Really nice to again see my predawn peeps.
Back to the job, whatthefuck??? Cold water. DAYUM! So, fiddler crabbed it to the gym, ahhhhhh. More gooder.
On a roll with running, no day off, yet. But it's coming. RAIN predicted for Thursday evening through Friday. Puuuuurfect. Spin Thursday night. Sounds like a plan n'est pas?
Surprised, knees don't ache...that much.
Monday, April 5, 2010
day 253
NIIIICE!!!!!
After a big meal, big by MY standards, was split re: today. Boot Camp in the am, spin @ night, or, hit The Line. Well....temps were REALLY perfect, knees not TOO creaky, did St.Francis. This is key. Why? This enabled Saturday's 1/2 to serve as a long run (training runs should be 1 minute per mile slower than race pace, that's my excuse). This way, when it rains later in the week, I can use cross training instead. Though I AM tempted to do the cross training in addition, but don't wanna go into the injury zone.
Re: Easter. Went to dinner with the family. Yes, you read correctly. The brother who supposedly gave It $$$ for a divorce wasn't hosting, rather, opted for a restaurant. Hey, he retires @ summer's end, I wouldn't wanna host either. Italian restaurant. REAL Italian food, not chef boy-ar-dee. I had tuscan chicken, which involved spuds, so, with the carbs, hadda run this am. You humans really got a good thing with this hot food thing. It was delicious. Stoney had Porterhouse, attaboy. It, whothefuckcares. Priest brother, a.k.a. Pelican, was there. I was dying to tear into him about his lying about The Big One. NOWHERE was his name to be found, he didn't run it. "Pelican?" If you saw him, you'd get it. He has a double chin, the size of a pelican's pouch. Not running apparently. Quite girthful. And I LOVE it. Last year, for motivation, I used his claim of running The Big One. Now, I just think of Pete's diabetes and Pelican's chubsy-ubsyness, and for SOME odd reason, I keep going. Funny n'est pas? Best of all: Pete's wife can't stand Pelican. She thinks he's too full of himself. Duh. Each of us, in our own way, thinks we're God, but we don't let on because we know essentially we're specks. Every other word out of Pelican's mouth is "Me," or "I." Frightening.
Made this weekend's anniversary more meaningful. You know and I know what a big day it was. The people in my life who are most important are aware. 'Nuff said.
***Of course, as soon as we got home, It went to yet ANOTHER fucking meeting. Amazing. Utterly amazing.
After a big meal, big by MY standards, was split re: today. Boot Camp in the am, spin @ night, or, hit The Line. Well....temps were REALLY perfect, knees not TOO creaky, did St.Francis. This is key. Why? This enabled Saturday's 1/2 to serve as a long run (training runs should be 1 minute per mile slower than race pace, that's my excuse). This way, when it rains later in the week, I can use cross training instead. Though I AM tempted to do the cross training in addition, but don't wanna go into the injury zone.
Re: Easter. Went to dinner with the family. Yes, you read correctly. The brother who supposedly gave It $$$ for a divorce wasn't hosting, rather, opted for a restaurant. Hey, he retires @ summer's end, I wouldn't wanna host either. Italian restaurant. REAL Italian food, not chef boy-ar-dee. I had tuscan chicken, which involved spuds, so, with the carbs, hadda run this am. You humans really got a good thing with this hot food thing. It was delicious. Stoney had Porterhouse, attaboy. It, whothefuckcares. Priest brother, a.k.a. Pelican, was there. I was dying to tear into him about his lying about The Big One. NOWHERE was his name to be found, he didn't run it. "Pelican?" If you saw him, you'd get it. He has a double chin, the size of a pelican's pouch. Not running apparently. Quite girthful. And I LOVE it. Last year, for motivation, I used his claim of running The Big One. Now, I just think of Pete's diabetes and Pelican's chubsy-ubsyness, and for SOME odd reason, I keep going. Funny n'est pas? Best of all: Pete's wife can't stand Pelican. She thinks he's too full of himself. Duh. Each of us, in our own way, thinks we're God, but we don't let on because we know essentially we're specks. Every other word out of Pelican's mouth is "Me," or "I." Frightening.
Made this weekend's anniversary more meaningful. You know and I know what a big day it was. The people in my life who are most important are aware. 'Nuff said.
***Of course, as soon as we got home, It went to yet ANOTHER fucking meeting. Amazing. Utterly amazing.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
day 252
what a difference a minute makes!
Got to The Parkhouse pre-dawn-foggy as hell. REALLY should'a taken today off, but hey, if I treat yesterday as a long run, not so bad eh? More peeps than I'd anticipated. Was almost gonna bail, but good thinking prevailed. Glad I ran.
Did St.Francis. Haven't quite gotten over yesterday. Hadda.
Got to The Parkhouse pre-dawn-foggy as hell. REALLY should'a taken today off, but hey, if I treat yesterday as a long run, not so bad eh? More peeps than I'd anticipated. Was almost gonna bail, but good thinking prevailed. Glad I ran.
Did St.Francis. Haven't quite gotten over yesterday. Hadda.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
day 251
25 freakin' years!!!
You know it and I do. Nothing else matters. It's called humility. It DOES hurt that the bitch I married does all this 12 step crap and doesn't even remember, but I shouldn't expect that of a psycho. What rubbed salt in the wound was It's going psycho on me today of all days. Especially with manana being that big religious day-you know how It hides behind religion. So much for practicing what you preach-either vis a vis religion or 12 stepology.
Did the Flushing Meadows half. Wow. REALLY couldn't have been better timed. My youth spent there, going every Sunday to the World's Fair, Mets games aplenty, playing in Flushing Meadows, bike riding there, races there. Wow. Really made my day. LOVE Queens.
Perfect temps for a race of this distance: cool to start-wore a pullover/throwaway I can't bring myself to throwaway-threw it in the vehicle on the second pass. The course wasn't as bad as we'd imagined. We'd taken to calling it "The Maze," since Flushing Meadows is about 4+ miles. But they laid it out well. Plenty of spectators, they promised bands everywhere-not so much, but enough to keep us going. Water and gatorade @ every mile. REALLY hit the spot. College Point (such as it is, it's 3 remaining members-Leo, Carlos and the fat deaf guy, were course marshalls). The only glitch: a fake finish, 800m from the end you entered what you thought were chutes-it was spectators lining the sides, NEAR the end. You still had 800m to go. But all things considered, I'd do it again. STILL miss the Scotland Run, but Queens gots'ta win every time. Did 5 mins better than my usual, brought it in under 10 per mile, with Rob, Fran, and Elik there, hadda. Didn't want them waiting too long. Cool medal! Of course Scoop was there, reporting news of the latest race boycott. Still can't believe they believed his bullshit. So much for trust. Believe a rumor started by a halfwit.
Inescapably sad though. Really would'a been nice to celebrate, but Stoney's all alone, It's @ Its friends house (abandon your son on Easter eve, nice, AND he's sick), so SOMEBODY'S gotta be a parent. No time to be selfish. Sucks for me, but it's not about me-it's about being a parent. How the fuck I get through this without alcohol/drugs/or food binges is amazing.
***funny, It has no $$$, yet just bought Stoney a laptop-as we have 1/8 inch of water from the perpetually clogged toilet. Like living in a slum.
****Pix below, thanks Helen!!!
You know it and I do. Nothing else matters. It's called humility. It DOES hurt that the bitch I married does all this 12 step crap and doesn't even remember, but I shouldn't expect that of a psycho. What rubbed salt in the wound was It's going psycho on me today of all days. Especially with manana being that big religious day-you know how It hides behind religion. So much for practicing what you preach-either vis a vis religion or 12 stepology.
Did the Flushing Meadows half. Wow. REALLY couldn't have been better timed. My youth spent there, going every Sunday to the World's Fair, Mets games aplenty, playing in Flushing Meadows, bike riding there, races there. Wow. Really made my day. LOVE Queens.
Perfect temps for a race of this distance: cool to start-wore a pullover/throwaway I can't bring myself to throwaway-threw it in the vehicle on the second pass. The course wasn't as bad as we'd imagined. We'd taken to calling it "The Maze," since Flushing Meadows is about 4+ miles. But they laid it out well. Plenty of spectators, they promised bands everywhere-not so much, but enough to keep us going. Water and gatorade @ every mile. REALLY hit the spot. College Point (such as it is, it's 3 remaining members-Leo, Carlos and the fat deaf guy, were course marshalls). The only glitch: a fake finish, 800m from the end you entered what you thought were chutes-it was spectators lining the sides, NEAR the end. You still had 800m to go. But all things considered, I'd do it again. STILL miss the Scotland Run, but Queens gots'ta win every time. Did 5 mins better than my usual, brought it in under 10 per mile, with Rob, Fran, and Elik there, hadda. Didn't want them waiting too long. Cool medal! Of course Scoop was there, reporting news of the latest race boycott. Still can't believe they believed his bullshit. So much for trust. Believe a rumor started by a halfwit.
Inescapably sad though. Really would'a been nice to celebrate, but Stoney's all alone, It's @ Its friends house (abandon your son on Easter eve, nice, AND he's sick), so SOMEBODY'S gotta be a parent. No time to be selfish. Sucks for me, but it's not about me-it's about being a parent. How the fuck I get through this without alcohol/drugs/or food binges is amazing.
***funny, It has no $$$, yet just bought Stoney a laptop-as we have 1/8 inch of water from the perpetually clogged toilet. Like living in a slum.
****Pix below, thanks Helen!!!
Friday, April 2, 2010
day 250
cool, n'est pas?
Actually took a day off, work and work-out wise. Why? Manana have the 13.1 in Flushing Meadows-a/k/a/ "The Maze." HOW can you do that distance in a 4+ sq mile area? Miss the Scotland Run, but gotta stick to Queens. Represent, yo!!!
Other reason: Tom's wedding. Bless him n' Terri. It was really fun. Skipped the Town Hall ceremony-instead, slept in, as in, awoke @ noon. THAT was nice. After having It rage because I ate 2 slices of turkey (yes, no joke,) left for the dinner @ The Nautical Mile. What great friends/family he has. Proud to be among them. The food was great as well. THAT was the place (Rachel's) he used to do the side job for-delivering caterings. THAT was also the place the boss gace him a platter of wraps that pretty much carried us through the Vermont road trip.
My brotherfromanothermother is a helluva nice guy. Steve was with us.
Actually took a day off, work and work-out wise. Why? Manana have the 13.1 in Flushing Meadows-a/k/a/ "The Maze." HOW can you do that distance in a 4+ sq mile area? Miss the Scotland Run, but gotta stick to Queens. Represent, yo!!!
Other reason: Tom's wedding. Bless him n' Terri. It was really fun. Skipped the Town Hall ceremony-instead, slept in, as in, awoke @ noon. THAT was nice. After having It rage because I ate 2 slices of turkey (yes, no joke,) left for the dinner @ The Nautical Mile. What great friends/family he has. Proud to be among them. The food was great as well. THAT was the place (Rachel's) he used to do the side job for-delivering caterings. THAT was also the place the boss gace him a platter of wraps that pretty much carried us through the Vermont road trip.
My brotherfromanothermother is a helluva nice guy. Steve was with us.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
day 249
the boy can't help it!!!
Back to Toxichouse yesterday evening, It tells me It had an accident. Drivers' side, scraped, no handle on door. Looks like some giant pushed it in. Hit a pole in attempting to dodge a cat. I would'a hit the cat. But that's me.
Now, it's stuck. Doesn't have the $$$ to pay the deductible to get it repaired. Can't enter It's vehicle through the drivers side. And I LOVE it. God help me. I'm dying of laughter. Asked It "so...how's the pole?" Its excuse: slippery roads. I'm sure THAT 2003 Malibu was the ONLY vehicle dealing with such conditions.
You DO reap what you sow. When it initially went psycho, demanded the spare set of keys to Its car (then proceeded to lose a set), bear in mind I was making the payments as well as signed off on the loan. So much for thanks.
Sucks for It. Now, in addition to the interior looking like a homeless shelter, the exterior matches. Hope the cat's happy.
St.Francis + TeamQuantumBrickFeet'sWell course, 10 yesterday evening. The temps were just tooooo delicious! After, while cooling down near The Parkhouse, made a peep. Guy was cooling down, wearing a fuel belt. Looked my age. I asked if he knew about the race coming up. He said this was his first time here, he had an office in Roslyn and just heard about The Line. Turns out he did the NYC Half as well, one minute off my pace. Instant peep! Hope to see him @ The Race.
St.Francis this am. Hadda put the brakes on distance. Knees still sore from yesterday evening and wanna be fresh for Saturday.
Back to Toxichouse yesterday evening, It tells me It had an accident. Drivers' side, scraped, no handle on door. Looks like some giant pushed it in. Hit a pole in attempting to dodge a cat. I would'a hit the cat. But that's me.
Now, it's stuck. Doesn't have the $$$ to pay the deductible to get it repaired. Can't enter It's vehicle through the drivers side. And I LOVE it. God help me. I'm dying of laughter. Asked It "so...how's the pole?" Its excuse: slippery roads. I'm sure THAT 2003 Malibu was the ONLY vehicle dealing with such conditions.
You DO reap what you sow. When it initially went psycho, demanded the spare set of keys to Its car (then proceeded to lose a set), bear in mind I was making the payments as well as signed off on the loan. So much for thanks.
Sucks for It. Now, in addition to the interior looking like a homeless shelter, the exterior matches. Hope the cat's happy.
St.Francis + TeamQuantumBrickFeet'sWell course, 10 yesterday evening. The temps were just tooooo delicious! After, while cooling down near The Parkhouse, made a peep. Guy was cooling down, wearing a fuel belt. Looked my age. I asked if he knew about the race coming up. He said this was his first time here, he had an office in Roslyn and just heard about The Line. Turns out he did the NYC Half as well, one minute off my pace. Instant peep! Hope to see him @ The Race.
St.Francis this am. Hadda put the brakes on distance. Knees still sore from yesterday evening and wanna be fresh for Saturday.
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