day 189

oops, did it again!

So...cold as hell, nice warm gym awaits....nahhhhhh. Did St.Francis, again. Again kiddies: whatthefuckitwrongwithme????????

***New Mel Gibson flick is actually...what's the word...oh yes, good! Nice twist @ the end also. Was afraid it'd be another "Taken," but no. Very good.

Back to our story: cold as HELL! The rest of the club went to Bethpage to walk/run. Still some faces @ The Parkhouse. Good to see the usual suspects with no need to be "a presence," leave that to the new prez. Sooooo nice to be free. Cold, but free.

day 188

brrrrrrrr!

Got to The Parkhouse (this IS the silly season, where for 2 blissful weekends, no races), froze at LEAST a testicle, did St.Francis. GODDAMN it was cold!!!! Worse yet, there were a few of us out there!

Got a call from my brotherfromanothermother. Bless him. Asking the plans for the near future, sop we're now both doing the nyrr run next weekend. A typically "guy" way of showing we miss each other.

this just in:

IlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjobIlovemyjob

Guy @ the job had gastric bypass (this would be the second guy). He came to the unit to pick up some stuff, he's back to obese. Poor fuck. You can tell he's absolutely miserable, there's not a happy cell in his entire girth.

So...whaddya think I did? Right, scooted across the street and the a.m. Boot Camp class. Ahhhhhhh, NOW I feel better.

Truly, I was shaken. This guy lost a TON and was a wisecracking wiseass, now a limp dicked unhappy fuck. Jeeeeez.

Between this and Shebitch, you STILL think I'm whacked? Seems to work doesn't it???????

day 187

...and what have you done?????

another year over, a new one's just begun.

Been thinking of that tune alot lately-part of the whole "embracing your age/you are where you should be" thing. I've always been comfortable in my own skin, even when I was a fat load, now comes the part of life when you're on cruise control/riding the wave you worked to create. Of course, this leads one to examine what you married. This explains, as we've discussed before, why It is so miserable. It has nothing to show for itself. OK, you're recovering from cancer...and...? What had you done with your life before (waitressed, ignored your son), what did you do after (ignored your son, raged at your husband). In short, nothing. I'm content. Had the conversation, again, with Stoney last night re: if this were your last day, was it well spent (x box be damned).

Boot camp tonight. Yes, Friday night and working out. Whatthefuckiswrongwitme?????

Last night, saw Extraodrinary Measures. Had time to kill before spin class. REALLY a good movie, I was surprised. Brendan Fraser has YET to make a decent flick, yet still gets lead roles-must know somebody. How this one got made I've NO idea-until I saw the opening credits: Executive Producer: Harrison Ford. Voila! Actually a good flick. Also, it fit in well with The Experiment. Trying to further refine my act, so, less crap (chocolate @ movies). So far, 2 movies, no chocolate. Actually made it through both with no munchies. Unamerican, but healthy. THEN, Hockey 'til 2 am. THAT explains why "only" spin class last night, hadda save some gas in the tank for the ice. Forgot how much fun hockey was, glad I got called. A lil sore, but I'll live.

day 186

let it snow???

Wassup wit' 'dis??? Don't need this crap today of all days, but...it is what it is. Does it look lovely? Yes. Do I need more crap, no. Times like this I wish I lived in a coop or such, where someone else is in charge of maintenance.

Boot Camp last night: VERY excellent. Trainer does an amazing job of incorporating new exercises to keep muscle confusion constant.

Work: chaos. Boss is outta hospital, but recovering. Fortunately, I've arranged staffing so all the 'roids are NOT working day shift. Everything is blissfully quiet.

Toxichouse: Toxic. Needn't say more. Suffice to note: It STILL has no meds. Heeeeee heeeeeee.

Tonight: Spin. Hopefully the class won't be as full as normal, makes getting home for 30 Rock a game of beat the clock-not looking forward to that with the snow. The class being so full, it makes putting the bikes away take extra long.

day 185

so, here I am between a rock and a hard place. dunno whether I should be @ Creedmoor or the boogie-down Bronx. So, here I am in the Bronx (after checking that CATC is buttoned down). The backstory: the Bronx ATC is a shipwreck, I was called in to help, 2 days a week. Creedmoor is in great shape, but the Director had bleeding, again, and spent the day yesterday in the e.r. Dunno if he's going to Creedmoor today. So, start @ CATC, nail things down, spend the morning here, end the day @ CATC. Good thing the homelife is a shipwreck, I'm used to this schizoid existence.

Spin last night was great, packed class. Tonight: boot camp. Again, really looking forward to it.

***this just in: today's news has a story about an 11 year sanitation worker, killed in an on the job accident. Jim Justich. when I heard it on the way in I thought it sounded familiar. Saw his pic in the paper, turns out i was right. I taught him! He was the younger of 2 brothers, Frank and him, Jim. Add to the drama, their father died about 3 months before the eldest's graduation, of a mysterious flu. Turns out, this was before it became big, HIV/AIDS. In the days when there was more stigma than now. Wow. No escaping your past. REALLY sucks for them-like their family hasn't had enough.

day 184

Here comes the


SUN!!! Yay! What a downer-all the rain etc...but...strangely enough, after a good workout, it doesn't matter. True 'dat, BUT grey weather still sucks, no matter how you cut it. Now, warmer temps (in JANUARY???), and sunshine. Nice.


Shebitch off Its meds, really ugly scene there, tough. Deal with it. This is typical, dig a hole, expect someone else to bail you out. Hold onto that waitress crap, then go psycho when you're left with nothing. Whatever happened to secretarial school? Counseling? Social Work? Real Estate? Avon? Sensing a pattern here???? No pity. Grow up or shut up. MOST ironic, this latest bout of psychotic behavior comes on the heels of Its return from a 3 day retreat. Too funny.

Spin tonight. Actually starting to look forward to it.


*** Boss, nowhere to be found, m.i.a. finally called his cell @ noon, he's in the e.r. internal bleeding. This is the second time this happened to him. Another staffperson had gastric bypass, lost a ton, put it back on-no behavioral changes, next you hear, he's in an induced coma. Shebitch? Did whatever It wanted/chose the path of least resistance/continued coloring It's hair and worshipping the sun-next you hear-cancer. STILL wonder why I do what I do how I do it? Do I love eating? Yes. Do I eat to live, also, yes, not live to eat. Tonight: 3 apples, a head of celery, a chicken breast. Dull as shit, but I'll live-and maybe avoid the hospital.

this just in

Yin/Yang

It calls, using Stoney's phone,. not only that, but making HIM leave a voicemail asking me to call. How sick was that???

Apparently, It went to get more pills (nice sobriety there!!!!) and found It's STILL not included under my coverage. SCREAMING It's gonna take me to court.....remember kiddies, Stoney's witnessing all this. Ahhhhh, such a wholesome home environment. Bitch. Don't exactly see me losing sleep do you? What I DIDN'T tell you is: I come back to Toxichouse after the gym, my shit is moved. So, on the one hand, you call me to ask for a major correction (reinclusion in benefits), then fuck me by moving my stuff. Think I make this up????

AND, best of all, creditors are calling. I LOVE it. You DO reap what you sow. Waitressing: nice career choice.

Now for the Yang, did spin class-thanks Henri, VERY good class, did some weights after-good for muscle confusion. THEN, came back to Toxichouse, signed up for The Big One, and the Vermont relay. YAY!!!

day 183

glad I did THAT!

Good thing got St.Francis x 2 done this weekend, This am, the temps were DELICIOUS, but the rain...not so much. SHIT. Was really tempted, but once your kicks get wet, they're never the same. Spin tonight instead. THAT sucks, 'cause House is on. BUT, could one really look onesself in the mirror, knowing you passed on a good workout? I think not.

***Dinner dance pix below.

day 182

It STILL not home. Must be a helluva long retreat.

Peeps noting my getaway last night, they don't understand, I got a 14 year old @ home, with too much time on his hands. Hadda spend q/t with him, and feed him. LOVE spending time with him, but can't be in 2 places @ once. It's only when It is home that I go into domicilary avoidance mode.

Still riffin' on the dinner dance, what fun. Wish I'd have stayed, but between Stoney @ home, and me being me, could I really stay longer than I did? Hee hee hee.

Funny part: there IS no hiding. Was talking to Laurie and her hub, they spoke of their kids baptism, I of course asked who the priest was: Tom Fusco. Small friggin' world. THAT led to a discussion of one of my past lives.....amazing. Start running, there are no secrets.

St.Francis, wish I'd have done the half, but got up too late.

this just in

the dinner Dance? KUDOS!!!

What a BLAST!

Had alotta fun, actually enjoyed the food, great company-we ARE a wonderful though odd group.

Took lots of pix, wait for those, too late now.

Terrific conversation, (Carmen and Hector weren't there, missed them), and left in typical me fashion-hee hee. Teflon baby!!!!!

Glad I went. Up 'til the last minute, i was gonna head home, take my isolative tendency-add to that Stoney's home alone, was REALLY on the fence. But, quite satisfied with my choice. What a cool bunch of folks. Glad I overcame myself. Thanks peeps. Again, you kept me from me.

day 181

WOW!!!

WHAT A MORNING!!! Crisp, clear, not too cold. Borderline-was gonna wear shorts- could'a, but thought it wiser to stay warm. Niiiiice. Got my St.Francis on, headed out while the peeps socialized, slowed down on the way back to run together. REALLY nice. Again, you humans got a good thing goin' with this socializing thing!

STILL on the fence re: tonight. Debbie said she had no preference re: which awards to hand out: translation: I'm unnecessary/off the hook. We'll see.

Took Stoney to see Legion. 3 stars. Good, not great. January IS when movies are dumped.

We'll see re: manana. Dunno whether I'll show to do the Manhattan half as a bandit, or do St.Francis. Options options...

day 180

TGIF!!!!!

Between the Ribbon Cutting, It being off meds, and other assorted drama, glad the week wraps today.

Good week gym wise, worked it well, but miss running terribly. My daily runs kept me going through amazing drama, just gotta keep it to 3 x weekly if I don't wanna be crippled.

Spin class yesterday was great, thursdays always are (and Tuesdays...and Mondays...) FULL class, music suuuuucked (really miss Wednesday D.I.Y. music), but the class kills!

It leaves for Its retreat today. Now again, think.....nary a thought to Stoney. It merely decides to go away for a couple of days-as though every day isn't a retreat??? It does NOTHING. Asked Stoney to clean dog poop, he forgot, I came home, went ballistic. He asked me "why didn't you call to remind me," to which I of course responded "I'll forget to pay the electricity, the cable bill.....you remind me to pay these bills, the mortgage....." Of course It proved utterely and completely useless, telling me to calm down, to which I responded in It fashion "I'm entitled to my feelings," Oprah'd been proud. Denis Leary too!!!

day 179

so it goes.....

Yesterday we have the ribbon cutting for our new building, the dining room/group rooms addition. Now...take a second. The agency closes our Manhattan facility and we build. amazing, utterly amazing. AND, adding insult to injury (remember I wrote, my job description is essentially "all of the blame, none of the credit"), in all the speeches, the one person not mentioned, let alone given passing note, guess. Meanwhile, when the slightest thing goes awry, or anything-and I DO mean anything-is needed, who's the "go to" person? THIS is how i stay humble, you and I both know who.

THERE lies the seed of my frustration. I don't mind doing that @ work, it is called "work" after all. But having to be the fixer everywhere annoys the shit outta me. It's nice to go home and feel comfort, as opposed to "what the HELL am I walkin' into today?"

@ the job, it's all done for the benefit of the patient, they after all have nothing, and we take the gig to serve their needs. @ the house, it SHOULD be different. It is what it is, so it goes.....The Comish comes, says some words, blah blah blah.

Last night's Boot Camp rocked. You know it's a tough class when a big football lookin' guy is huffin' and puffin', and needs to bow out of some of the exercises. Two of us there agree: spin class is easier.

Nice side note: one of the benefits of working here (I'm in the boogiedown Bronx today) is you experience a different world. Here, half the staff take MTA to work, and either never owned a car, or haven't had one since living in the Bronx. Also, a dif way of conducting business. Here the staff have no idea re: what's going on @ the top, no idea if interviews are hap'nin' for a permanent A.D. shit, they didn't even know we had a Ribbon Cutting Ceremony @ Creedmoor. The grass truly is NOT greener.

This just in: It's going on a retreat this weekend! YAY!!!!! A peaceful, lovely weekend. Stoney n' I can enjoy our home. Of course this impacts on the dinner dance, might make an appearance rather than actually stay for most of it, but gots'ta be wit' da' boy.

***Pix from the ribbon cutting below, admit it: I look GREAT in a suit (thank you running).

day 178

hee hee.

So...day 3 of no meds. I AM loving this. After 6 years of mental abuse and total utter dysfunction, I LOVE this too damned much. No sleeping pills (nice sobriety there!!!), no oxycodon...this should be alotta fun!

REALLY good class yesterday, you know it's hot when people are turned away. You're supposed to sign up 30 mins before class starts, too many tourists just bogart a bike. The instructor actually gave his up, only to reclaim it when a wuss quit mid class. Amazing. If you can't hack it, either keep your puppy ass at home, or take it easy on the resistance. REALLY no tolerance for that kinda crap. Lead, follow, or get outta the way.

Amazing weather, hadda do St.Francis. Consider today a biathlon. Tonight, boot camp.

@ 1 pm we've got the ribbon cutting for the new building. Comish is coming, photo ops, etc..... Again, amazing. The Manhattan facility is shuttered with the excuse of downsizing, when in fact, it was thrown under the bus. Meanwhile, $$$ for therapeutic communities (Odyssey, Phoenix House, Samaritan Village) pours like water from a drain.

No, Virginia, you can't write stuff this good.

And...on the absurdity scale YOU tell me how this rates: with the VIP's coming, of course we get rid of the patients. Supervisors ASK their staff to drive. ASK? ASK?? ASK??? What would YOUR answer be if your boss ASKED you to do something. Wimps all of 'em. TELL your fucking staff what to do. They in turn need to respect your decision, if not, you need to quit. Amazing really.

day 177

back to it.

This am the Gov gives his budget speech, manana the comish comes to cut the ribbon on our new addition (dining room/group rooms). Yin/Yang, tomato/tomahhhto.

Tonight, spinning. Work it!!! Gotta. Stoney's home from school, It-of course-didn't call the school, I'm getting calls saying he's m.i.a. I told you, It is utterly and completely unable to do ANYTHING. I.E. call the friggin' school @ 8 to say He's ill. Absolutely useless.

Trying to undo the mess It made of the Health Benefits. In August paper was sent asking for confirmation of who we wanted on our policy, told you, it got sucked into the void that is It's car or wherever It stashes mail (why, I'll never know). Now, due to it's illness, I gotta send paper (birth certificate, taxes,...) to NYSHIP. Pain in the ass-yet another, brought to you by "Sybil and It's illness." The best part: It gets zero meds until this is straightened out. Hopefully it will learn.

***Cool pix below. That really was alotta fun, and it was lovely to be invited. Nice to hang with people who won't let you be your normal isolative self.

day 176

you reap what you...........

St.Francis again this am, part of the Monday "I have a day off so I gotta push it" Triathlon. So...St.Francis, then Boot Camp, then Spinning. Hey, somebody's gotta do it.

Glad I did, avoid Toxichouse at ALL cost. Shebitch in rare form. Some time ago, mail was sent to all employees asking to confirm the members they wanted carried on their health insurance. It bogarts ALL mail, throws it in It's car, hence...the car looks like a homeless shelter on wheels. Today, It goes to get Its scripts refilled and.....policy expired. It was breathing FIRE. Asked for Stoney's phone (so I would take the call), went NUTS. To which I, of course, replied, "check your car." It cannot, under any circumstances take any responsibility for anything. Add this to Its current unemployment, and it's a lethal mix. Again, you reap what you sow. Poor thing.

One of the guys @ work had gastric bypass, never changed his diet, last lunch consisted of cheeseburgers, then he claimed to not feel well. Put back all the weight he'd lost. Now, he's in a coma.

Wonder why I did the "triathlon?"

day 175

NICE!!!

Did St.Francis, got my run in before the rain came. WHY people say meteorologists are always wrong is beyond me, they seem to be always right!

STILL riffin' offa last night's outing. What a total blast! I WAS envious of you humans though, what with your...food and...eating...and...sociability. Not a bad lot are you? GREAT munchies, GREAT company, and a very good game. Thanks again D. Again, wish Steve were here to see it, but I think he was with us. What a blast. Almost got me off my diet, but alas.....after almost 25 years of abstinence, not messing up a good thing. Though those wings and sliders DID look yummy. Yes, I said "yummy."

Pix to follow, gimme a day or so.

day 174

St.Francis...did'ja miss me???

Did The Line, felt WONDERFUL to be back. All this cross training bullshit doesn't cut it. GREAT for a workout, terrific for abs, but SUCKS for running. Felt soooo good to see the peeps. Now, if I could only be social again. Working on it.

Ran to the end with Ken.

And, you know you're outta the loop when this comes as a surprise, today was refreshment day. Nice to see I've relinquished the prezness quickly. Nice to see another take up the slack and let me give in to blissful isolation.

tonight, go to the fights and pray a hockey game erupts.

day 173

the silly season.

People make their New Year's resolutions and then...? Funny how things have dropped off n'est pas?

Did Spin last night, great class. What ticks me off is people who sign up for it then cruise, taking the spot of someone who could actually work it. @ least I got what I needed. Felt great after, like running, put me in a good space to tackle Toxichouse.

And yes, tonight, Boot Camp. How fucked am I??? Friday night and can't resist a workout. Jeeeeez.

day 172

the end is in sight!

Not a half bad week. Cross training like a mofo!!!

Monday: Cardio triathlon.

Tues: Ellip and Spin class

Wed: Boot Camp

Thurs: Spin class

Fri: Boot Camp.

Sat & Sun: run run run.

I think I'm in a good place workout-wise. Funniest: @ last night's boot camp, they announce the start of a friday night class. And, sick monkey that I am, I'll be there!

Looking forward to the game Saturday, thanks D. Stoney's first experience in a VIP box. Bless the lil' fucker. He's doing well in view of the chaos. STILL can't understand how It realistically thought waitressing could be a job that would last. Sucks for It, and by default, us. Oh well.


***just finished Supervision with one of our Interns. God bless 'em. they're young, fresh faced, full of optimism. Keeps us all young.

day 171

spoke too soon.

So, an hour on the ellip, 30 mins stationary bike, then spin class. Nice. NOT equiv to a good run, nothing is, but it'll havta do for now. Richard's spin class is very good.

So, wassup with the title? Yesterday's post re: It's good behavior? So much for that. Last night, back to the same old same old: "we need a mediator, I can't live like this"...so of course I readily pointed out the option to living, offering to bring Stoney to the wake. Bottom line: It's unemployed. Sucks for It. The restaurant won't give It any hours-would YOU want a chemo patient serving your food? Kind'a kills the appetite. YEARS ago, like 20, when I first started @ Manhattan, I told It, with It's background, to apply and get a gig like mine. No, rather live an off the books lifestyle. Then It tried Real Estate, then Avon, now nothing. Pity. Sucks for It. Bad choices make for a bad life, take responsibility. Gotta grow up sometime, pity it hadda occur @ 51. No, not alotta pity here. Too many years of saving nothing, spending everything. Remember the year we had power/cable etc...shut down, yet there were PILES of Christmas gifts for everyone and anyone??? Rome burning, It fiddling. Delaying adulthood just makes it more tragic when it finally kicks you in the face. What can you really expect??? While the rest of the planet was building a career, you're hangin' with your friends, slinging food, inconsistently earning an income based on the capriciousness of the restaurant business. No, no pity. Hope Aruba was worth it.

Tonight: boot camp. Doing a nice job of cross-training. Hope to confuse the muscles out of lethargy.

day 170

Wow, what a dif a day makes.

Did all I could to NOT run this am. It was 30 friggin' degs!!!!! Summer-like!

Spin class tonight, preceded by elliping. If the weather holds out, we'll see regarding manana.

(nice to have this luxury, no longer running FROM home, Shebitch has been behaved-God bless medication-when one takes it. the problem here is the temptation to take it easy-yes, I'm tempted daily, until the thought of looking like I used to comes to mind.).

day 169

p.s. remember the blowup over the infamous can of soup?? ("did you...?") it's STILL on the shelf.

St.Francis esta manana. Hadda. Should'a waited for spin class tonight, but new House is on, and as we all know, life stops when House is on.

Actually felt warm (er), almost a heat wave-22 degs, woo hoo!!!

Funny, It's mood darkens as it's income diminishes. Hmmmm. AND It's back on Sinequan (google it).


*****MAJOR victory: getting better @ this whole food thing. I KNOW my times would improve if I had stamina, which comes from carbs. I eat NO carbs, hence, a powergel every 3 or 4 miles in longer races. The prob comes in when I train. Days like today when I do 6-7 miles, I'm wiped. Eating NO recovery bagel or any of that crap, my focus is solely on staying skinny. This was a major "aha" moment as I'd look @ some of my peers who weigh dramatically more (Rick Secor?) yet have amazing times. That explains it. They run to win, I run to stay skinny (and not lose my mind). Nontheless, it's a daily battle, one you don't understand if you don't have an eating disorder. And, if you don't, I DO envy you. It's like an alcoholic learning to socially drink. An alcoholic's disease can be controlled: i.e. don't keep booze in the house. Kind'a hard to not keep food available.

day 168

perspective IS everything.

Checked the weather this am, was set on doing the gym, until I focused on my LACK of miles. Hadda do The Line. Glad I did. My buddy Steve (actually wept over missing him the other day-you're in my thoughts daily bro) first told me the runners dictum of "the hardest part's leaving the house," of course he was right. Got to The Line, reconnected with the peeps, who proceeded to break my balls about yesterday's race-funny how absence makes people focus on you more-as well as missing the bored meeting-I'm not on it anymore, carry on. Wonderful to run free. Can't convince the kiddies that time is irrelevant. Did one full minute slower than my usual pace yesterday, and really didn't give a shit. WAS nice to see my peeps, despite the balls numbing cold. Thought of Elik @ Disney-he did VERY well, nice. Thought of my peeps who're networking on Facebook, nice. Now, the one missing piece of the puzzle needs to join our club and stop the bullshit. Network with the peeps, run The Line, yet steadfastly refuse. Go figure.

day 167

Yin/Yang.

Stayed in Manhattan last night, saw The White ribbon. DEVASTATING film. Wow. It's the kind'a flick complete strangers stuck around after to discuss/process. And we all left with the same conclusion: why make SUCH a downer flick???

Got up, ran 2 miles to get to the start of the 5m race, did the race, ran 2 miles back. Got my miles in the hard way. Time SUCKED, but I got 1 of 9 in. Tough to really get a head of steam on when you're bundled under 2 layers of sweats. AND, didn't freeze ALL my body parts. THAT was a drag. Amazing part was actually getting a good night's sleep (TOLD ya' I got NO prob sleeping) with my room right next to the elevators. STILL wasn't a prob.

Still reeling from dinner last night, sushi and a wicked salad. You humans n' this food thing....has possibilities.

The "Yang," got into the NYC half, ok. Didn't get into the Empire State run up. No big loss, but it would'a been fun.

day 166

nicely done!!!

Did the spin thing, went very well. Class was packed, usually is on Thursdays. Did the ellip prior to it. THAT'S the prob, you've got to reg 30 mins before the class, so...what to do...what to do? Ellip. THEN, a ball breaker spin class. Again, great endurance training.

Peeps had their meeting last night, I passed The Parkhouse @ 8:55. After the gym n' a shower, there isn't time.

REALLY felt great. Felt as though I was back where I belonged. It's been 2 years since I'd been @ that class.

Brotherfromanothermothercalled, we touched base. He's not doing manana's run, that'll feel odd. Funny, wherever one of us is, the other's there in spirit. Steve lives on!!

Take the afternoon off, go to Manhattan, spend the night, do manana's race. Nice.

***Got into the NYC Half March 21. HATE trying to gain entry via lottery, but, it is what it is. Glad to be in. Haven't missed one yet.

day 165

knocked out another good class, boot camp went well. Especially after not having class for 2 weeks, it was good for the cardio. Did the ellip previous to it, get good and warmed up, then class. Nothing replaces running, but cross training is good for the soul-and knees.

Tonight, spin. Haven't been to THIS class in 2 years. Now that the club has a new Prez, I can attend. Looking forward to this one. It's the hardest of the week, but you get immediately into it, the instructor's a good guy. I'll miss the peeps in The Parkhouse, but I still hate meetings.

Manana, stay in the city. Snow predicted for tonight through manana, got the 5m run on Saturday, so I'll be fresh and ready. Also, a mini vaca from Toxichouse. That alone is worth the cost of a night.

day 164

so it goes...

I'm in the boogie down Bronx yesterday, knee deep in meetings with staff, when I get a call from Stoney, "did you take my cashews?" Turns out It put him up to it, knowing I wouldn't take It's call. Of course I responded: "are you using my electricity, watching my cable?" After that, he realized wassup and desisted. Can you imagine?? Of course, when I got back, I explained to It: "this is why you don't have my phone number," and to Stoney, reiterated the boy who cried wolf. Utterly amazing.

This am, I get a call from Keith's school saying he had an unverified absence, It kept him home, and no one called the school. Apparently, he is raising himself, It takes NO responsibility. Can you imagine????!!!!

REALLY wishing It was in the hospital, or elsewhere, if at all. Just get outta the picture.

Tonight, boot camp. Thank God.

day 163

One monkey DON'T stop no show!!!

When first internalized, this lesson hurts, but then, it becomes quite freeing, i.e. the weight of the world is off your shoulders.

a)Last night: Spin class; the participants are on time, warming up, one minute...5 minutes...15 minutes...no instructor. Finally, hopped off the bike, went to the front desk, they didn't know where he was either. Even Paul, wandered into the class, asked where the instructor was. The amazing part: not ONE participant left, we ALL stayed. Some got more of a workout than others (this WAS scheduled to be a beginner's class). All I know: I got my workout.

b)The January newsletter is out. Deb did a great job in taking the ball and running with it. Nice, well done. Good to know parts ARE interchangeable. AND the club is spared my attitude. Might bale on the dinner dance, I'm not needed there and really feel out of my element at these things: I don't dance, barely eat and am insufferably antisocial. We'll see.

It's home, good for Stoney. Came home last night, after having friends fix It's car. Really pathetic, can't do a goddamned thing for Itself. But, Stoney's happy. Good.

Gotta stick with spinning again tonight. Knees are feeling better, got my 5k under 9 minutes, don't wanna re-injure.

Feel sorry for the peeps doing Disney, there it's freezing/close to the 20's. OUCH. Every time I hear of someone thinking of doing that one, I do my damndest to dissuade them.

day 162

first work day of the new Year.

(of course I was off and on the unit throughout, but this is official.)

So, Stoney's off to school, leaving an empty house-spoke with It last night. It has NO clue re: the extent to which It is disruptive, i.e. "I've got to get better..." of course, BUT, give us a clue as to when you'll be home!!! Claimed It would be there yesterday, by 7 pm, nothing. M.I.A. WE hadda call It. Not complaining, it was lovely to NOT have to avoid my home.

Tonight: spinning. Didn't get to hit The Line this am, so, back to basics. Thank GOD for the gym.

Really happy to be back on track!

day 161

now you see It, now you don't.

It was supposed to be home today, nothing yet. Great for me, not for Stoney. One day his mother is here, next It isn't. Makes for a blissfully peaceful home, but It needs to either be here or get the hell out, consistently. It has NO idea how disruptive It is. You truly never know 1)If It will be home, and if It is, 2)If It will be normal of Satanic. Frightening.

St.Francis again today-hadda. Can't ever pass up a challenge. Bone chilling temps, 50mph wind, hadda do it.

Elik got outta his vehicle, headed out 50 metres, then back into his vehicle. Presume he went to the gym. THAT steeled my resolve. Hee hee hee, did it goddamnit!!!

Read the sunday paper, article by Doctor whomever, said a couple of things I live by: 1)throw out your scale-go by waist size, which should be less than half of your height, and 2)"Your ability to sleep is a barometer of how well you're coping with life." I ALWAYS sleep like a baby. It, never. Do the math.

day 160

ouch!!!

So...raced out, nothing today, light snow-enough to make everything beautiful-and dangerous. The Line was clear, but ice in spots, especially THE spot. Had my mind set on St.Francis, knew I'd be the only fool doing so, headed out @ 8:30. That's a nice lil side benny of not being prez-don't gotta do nuttin' no mo'. Freeing really.

So, headed to St.Francis, did ok for the first 2+, then, BOOM! Did the 90 degress turn toward the softball fields, where ice usually develops, and right down onto left cheek. Thank G. Could'a been the elbow or knee. Of course, finished the run-with a wet butt that turned to ice-literally. You haven't run until you did with what felt like a cold plank on your ass.

To the gym to sauna/shower, I got a lump on my butt the size of a 15 year old's tit. Ouch!!!

NOW I think of Elik's words as he passed me. Haunting. He spoke of slipping in the upper park.

Still, third day in a row. Knees holding up, nice.

p.s. picked up a new pair of running shoes. Was killing time before the New Year's Eve countdown, checked a Modells, got a pair of Saucony Grid Cohesions for $30. Put the insert in and...NICE!!! Using them as my racing shoes. Tried them @ the Midnight Run, then @ the Republic Airport 5k-and...and...BROKE 9 MINUTES!!!!! YAY! FINALLY. Now, gotta get back to 8:30.

p.p.s.: Crazy Heart: AMAZING movie. Maggie Gyllenhal is HOT, the film is heartrending.

day 159

helluva way to start!

Did the New Year's Eve 4m, been doing it for years. THIS year was warmish-35 degs (about) with freezing rain, then snow, then rain. Yucccch. BUT, by the time the witching hour rolled around, very light rain/snow, and one HELLUVA fireworks show!!! You KNOW it's hot when everyone and I mean EVERYONE for blocks around hadda turn and watch. Even the doormen. Wow. Just wow. How you could NOT be there amazes me.

Then, did St.Francis, saw some AP peeps, they were running @ 10-too late. THEN, the New Year's 5k @ Republic Airport. What a lovely way to start the year. Hung out after the run with a woman whose quads rival Emmit Smith's. Turns out, she lost a shitload of weight as well. Amazing. No strangers.

Came home...guess who's sick and m.i.a. again. Helluva family dynamic we got going here ain't it? One day It's here, the next, It isn't. GREAT for me, horrible for Stoney. THIS is the family example he'll remember???

Happy New Year (?) Last year SUCKED, this one will be better.