the inevitable

what's sinking in is the reality of single parenting.

For the past 6+ years that's really been the case, but in the back of my mind, Shebitch was there. If only in spirit, if only to avoid it's responsibilities, it was there. If even only to wake up and abandon Keith while It went to the beach, It was there. Soon, this will no longer be the case. How often have I returned to Toxichouse, asked where it went, Keith having no clue, waking up after 12, nothing for b'fast? nothing but junk all day? Too often.

This feels like alot on the shoulders, but I gotta remember, it'll really make things easier. Yes, it's all on me, but I won't have It fighting my every effort. I'll no longer have to fight a battle on 2 fronts: parenting Keith AND fighting Mental Bitch. Keith will be better off once the initial difficulty passes. He has said "why don't you get a divorce," this'll address that need. And It's "friends?" They'll disappear when It does. Problem solved.

What will be It's legacy? Failed attempts at several careers. Portraying the one person who'd been there through it all as the enemy? Really sucks. So much potential blown.

Feels like alot to swallow, it is. It hurts.

Over and above all, I gotta keep my shit tight. When It went mental, my life for me ceased. My life for Keith began. It never adopted this way of thinking, rather, maintaining It's narcissistic self as the center of the universe. This ceases when you have a child. This comes to a shuddering end when you're solo with child. Wow. Gotta keep it together and be a parent.