day 523

later for that!

Thank GOD this fucking year is over. Even the start is headed in an odd direction. tonight the midnight run (YAY!!!), love it. Manana WAS the Republic Airport Run, @ 3pm, CANCELLED. Pussies. WTF??? Low turnout re: prereg. SHIT. Another memory, GONE.

This year really truly SUCKED. Fuck you 2010, go away.

Last night, Stoney home, Shebitch m.i.a. Fridge empty. He calls It, It had taken the grated parmesan from the fridge (when It goes m.i.a. It cleans out the fridge. Great parenting). I'd made him egg noodles (glad SOMEONE was home for the orphan). It'd used them in Its sauce, sauce for whom is anyone's guess, certainly not for anyone living at my address. Pathetic. fucking pathetic. ESPECIALLY the same day as It'd "celebrated" 24 years of "sobriety." Right.


What a shit year.


Peeps I'd thought were close have retreated to their private Idahos. Others I'd admired are off the grid, others injured. And somehow, I keep going.

DP, you're awright. DB, you're always there, though I never seem to have tolerance for your drama, but you're a true friend. GS, love you, but.......Brotherfromanothermother, my man, my blood. Always a call away.

Let's wrap this year and work toward a better one!

day 522

GRRRRRRR!!!

Ok, sloppy out, running no go. Go to the gym.....NO CLASS AGAIN! HATE when they fuck with the schedule. Instead of Boot Camp, they had another. Fuck it, went home. Again, God is good. Who's there? STONEY! YAY!!! apparently, brotherfromanothermother was working, so he was there. Even if he's doing his mute bullshit, he's there. Made all the crap worth it, almost. I was as disappointed as he was that he couldn't hang with his peep, but he was having fun with his peeps online via online gaming. Also, he actually picked up dogpoop! A friggin' miracle...........let that sink in. The quid pro quo kicked in when he asked if I'd returned the Kinnect. (blood pressure building, pressure cooker swelling to the point of bursting...). I said I did and would speak with his mother to determine the next course of action. I again made him aware that he got over by getting double gifted, thus, shouldn't push his luck.

An hour later, I'm chillaxin', he comes upstairs to tell me he was going to his peeps' casa to get a game. Good, get some air. I was impressed he remembered to tell me where he was going (funny how leverage makes an attitude disappear).

This am, Shebitch taking him to Its anniversary. it claims to have 24 years sober. We'll just ignore drinking coffee to stay awake then taking sleeping pills for 3 years. We'll just ignore a year and a half of benzos and the mood swings and verbal abuse of your spouse-all in the presence of your son. If THAT'S sobriety, get me a drink. Ripping the father in the presence of the child? Deny the father the opportunity to view the child's report card? Portraying the father as Satan to any and all? Yeah, real sobriety there. Do absolutely NOTHING for the household??? Ipods for all, 2 for 1 dollar cookies for your husband??? Yeah, nice. Keep coffee in your car in the event that (god forbid) husband uses it? Where's that drink? Demeans all of us who have hard earned sobriety. Professional victim? Yes. Sober living, obviously not.

Best of all, while it grabs Stoney for this "anniversary," it spends the night, again, away from home. As it was packing I was verbally thanking God for my good fortune. Again, THIS is sober? Go stay with a sick friend while ignoring your family. Nice.

New Year's eve looking good. Confirmed my reservation, temps supposed to be great! YAY!!! Be my first run in days. Best of all, it's a qualifier, and no chips!!! A qualifier with NO pressure! I could actually not go at all, and get credit for the race. Wouldn't miss it for the world (GREAT way to celebrate the New Year, killer fireworks), but the freedom of knowing that is wonderful.

day 521

REALLY getting on my nerves!!!

Not only are the conditions too funky to run, even the friggin' gym is affected!!!

Went last night, fully expecting to do Spin class. Nope, nuthin' doin'. Cancelled. WTF?????? I'm getting pissed. Fortunately, there's always the ellip.

Home front, blissful. Stoney: staying with brotherfromanothermother. Shebitch, dunno, but not @ home.

Makes you wonder who's taking care of the dog?

day 520

No run today, ouch. THIS is the time of year I hate. Not because of the cold, but because of the slop-cold/wet slush/salt. Can't avoid it IF you choose to run in it. No thanks. Gotta gym it.

Spin tonight, Boot Camp manana. Cross train, give the knees a break.

Really looking forward to the Midnight Run.

Proud I kept the tradition alive: while others bailed, I not only ran, but made it to the job, @ the usual time. I was the only full time staff here. Meant something to the patients, meant more to me. Despite the overwhelming amount of crap I'm dealt, I did it. My son will never know, and his mother only enables it. Truly, I'm fucked, yet cannot give into it.

day 519

let it WHAT???

There's snow and then there's this bullshit. THIS was ridiculous. Really glad I "bank" runs, i.e. "run today for tomorrow who knows." Even if I wanted, couldn't this am. Same as rain. Running on snow is lovely, but inevitably it gets in your running shoes, you dry them, they lose cushioning.

Good excuse for, finally, a day off.

...or is it? YOU try shoveling this crap????? A workout in itself.

And, yes, I'm glad Shebitch is snowed in. I did the right thing digging out an area for Hulk to venture out, then put the shovel in my vehicle.

Why? Last evening, more holiday terror. Stoney, again, asking what I was gonna do with the Kinnect $$$ after returning it, I explained he got over. Usually Shebitch buys for him, this year, we both did. Also, told him, since he has a week off, to pick up the shit from the dog HE wanted. @ this point It hadda chime in with vitriol, "we wouldn't have this problem is Pinhead was still here," (our former dog didn't shit?) Or better, Its next instigation: "why pick it up, not like you're gonna mow the lawn?" Right, we should let a season's worth accumulate so we can traipse through it. Nice way of backing up the father urging responsibility. God forbid you raise the child to take care of something. Useless bitch. ho ho.

Glad this shit is over.

Snow only worsens it. Normally it's GORGEOUS, but when you're the only motherfucker doing anything, it sucks. I'm the only one who showed for work, I'm the only one @ home that does anything. Hurts more than I can describe. Then, to get treated as I did on the 25th. It is what it is.

day 518

WTF?

So, headed out extra early-for a Sunday, so as to not get snowed in. Got my run in, St.Francis + Kissena=10+. Nice. Felt good, finished by 8:15. Warming up in The parkhouse, hung with the NHP guyz, the judge was there-you could tell: his dog was outside whining for him. Great dog, nice guy.

Off to the Y for weights and sauna/shower. Felt really good.

Was s'posed to hook up with Pret yesterday, bailed to hang with peeps. Today, no text no bbm. Later for that. Can't wait for a no-show. ery telling. If I don't answer a bbm immediately the world stops turning, but God forbid you make plans. This is why I usually run alone. Less bullshit.

Come home, it enters shortly thereafter, starts. "Why are you here?" Really heartwarming Holiday talk ain't it? This from the bitch who gave everyone @ my brother's house Ipods, and gave her husband a dollar store tin of cookies. Again, see pic below.

Can't WAIT for this weekend to end. Feel really alone.

day 517

missed it by THIS much!!!

Close call there. Came back to Toxichouse yesterday pm, after seeing The Little Fockers (horrible movie, walked out), It blew a gasket. We had 3 rocking chairs in the living room, with the Christmas tree, no room for all 3, so guess where one went? Right, my den. Of course I moved it, It went nuts (nice Christmas eve isn't it?). THIS, after going to church, calling Its hub a bastard etc...in front of his son. Ho ho.

Then...normal. THIS is bipolar disorder. Ho.

Merry whatever. I'm going running. Thank GOD temps are good.

...you can pick your friends, not your family. Ho.

Update: Stoney? Hates the Kinnect, what does shebitch do? Backs him up, offers to return it for him. Great to be appreciated isn't it??? I buy Shebitch the Bruce Box.

...What did I get? 2 pieces of chocolate it didn't finish while wrapping gifts, and a box of thin mints. Yep, that's it. Lovely.

ho ho.

day 516

Ho ho ho!!!!

There's ALOT to be said for doing the right thing, even though things appear bleak.

As happens every year, Christmas comes with its issues. This year is no different. House has no heat nor a Christmas tree, Shebitch is NEVER there, Stoney left alone. Everything is my problem. Finally yesterday I got fed up, left It a voicemail to the effect of "it's Christmas eve eve, I saw the gifts you bought for your friends, yet we have no heat. At LEAST buy a fucking tree." I come home yesterday, what's there? A TREE!!! Yay! Finally It got over Itself. I was fucking thrilled. Nice. Down side: Stoney's got a cold-big surprise, never eats veggies, house is freezing. Hey, we got a tree, we're batting 500.

Staff party went well, people couldn't wrap their heads around the concept of a grab bag ("why didn't I get a gift?" "Did you BRING one???"), so we had 6 participants. We did that rather than the Kris Kringle. After all was said and done, go back to my office, a dozen golf balls on my chair, thanks Boss! Nice. BUT, it WAS a buy one get one (he doesn't know I know that), but it's the thought. He ended up picking the gift I brought for the grab bag-a dvd of Get Him to the Greek. Nice all around. Good food catered by a local Italian place.

Then the REAL party. The patients. Every year we do pretty much the same thing, but it always goes off flawlessly. What fun, really chokes me up/puts me in the spirit. Best of all-for the patients-a SHITLOAD of food. Good, as it should be. I'm talkin' put some in the freezer, there was THAT much-9 chafing dishes (you know, with the sternos etc...) PLUS deserts. They deserve it.

What makes it difficult is, it's pretty much the ME show. I practice with them, I pick the songs, I lead the show. Hey, we ALL know I don't do it for ego's sake but because I know what I'm doing. It IS labor intensive: choosing the songs, practicing (amidst NUMEROUS interruptions, not to mention getting 26 strangers to do what I tell them), buying the decorations, arranging for the food, picking volunteers, decorating the venue, running off the music, making sure the instruments work....it's alot. And I'd have it no other way. Since I can remember, I got the "leadership ability...take charge person...his presence is felt when he enters a room..." bullshit, this was the time to use it. And it was WONDERFUL. Wore The Shoes, and the Santa Pimp hat. Best of all, the tight jeans I usually wear were loose(r).

Nice, very nice. Ho ho ho.

This am? 30 degs, little if any wind. Again, felt good. didn't know if I'd make it, since last night sapped me of any energy, but as Steve first told me "the hardest part is getting out the door." Also, it means something to the peeps here to see me @ same bat time doing the same bat shit. Barely broke a sweat. Actually got there earlier than usual. When the alarm went off this am, actually hit the snooze button-in the back of my mind knowing I'm owed a shitload of hours after sixteen hour days like yesterday. So, knowing I had that freedom-not feeling enslaved to report at any assigned time (as if I ever did???!!!), I actually made it here WAY early. Sure i'll pass out as soon as I stop moving, but for now, I'm ok. Left knee a bit achy, but otherwise ok.

(was REALLY nice to have Noelleh here yesterday. Always a delight when a peep from the real world enters this one. Again, reinforces the spirit of the season, i.e. could'a been anywhere else but made it a point to be here.)

ho.

day 515

ho?

So far all's well, surprisingly so. Had the practices for the patients' party-where my REAL Christmas spirit comes from. THAT went well, better than usual. Tonight, the big party. Love it. For some reason, it's truly heartwarming.

Staff party @ 3, that one, not so much. Bunch of spoiled bastards-but some make it worth it. Enough that it DOES result in a good time, but the patients' party is where the fun happens.

Odd, bbm'd Pret yesterday, no response until I again bbm'd this am. Now, what ya gots ta remember, if I don't respond asap, "are you ok? Why didn't you answer...." yet, I get no answer until the next morning, following further prompting. Amazing.

This am felt really good. Approx 32 degs, soooo close to shorts, but, can't push. Better to sweat a little than get a cold.

Still, no tree. Sucks.

day 514

Sucks, but...

3 days 'til Christmas, no heat, no tree. Ho.

Can't believe the bitch continues. And, best of all, is fixated on a box I keep in my place on the dining room table. Scroll down, kiddies, and see the mess that is the piles of Its crap littering the house (pix below), yet It is fixated on moving this one box. I won't even bring up the basement: you can"t take a step, opened boxes and packaging everywhere. Truth? The box is EMPTY, weighted, but EMPTY. Knowing It would freak. I come home yesterday, the box is thrown on a pile in the den. Remember, if I touch ANYTHING, I get the same response as though I'd raped a fetus. Yet, It can fuck with whatever It chooses. No. I played Its game, woke It up, and screamed @ It. Enough. The sink is FULL of Its used dishes, we have neither heat nor a Christmas tree. Yet, this goddamned box is so friggin' important????? Ho ho ho.

Again, what you've got to remember is: when It came outta the hospital this time last year, the house was PERFECT. Now, again, under Its watch, EVERYTHING has fallen to shit. ho ho.

This am? Still enjoying the ride. We've had an amazing week-temps were 25-30ish, perfect for running. Hands cold @ the start, get warmed up and no problem! Really nice.

day 513

THAT was weird/Spirit of the Season/Best of Times-Worst of Times

Ok, so you know the War of the Roses re: Shebitch. That's the foundation. Yesterday Stoney is NOT left lunch $$$ since he supposedly gave some of the $ I gave for movies to a peep for snacks-and was gonna get it repaid (which was obviously bullshit, but, call his bluff).

Yesterday, brotherfromanother called, got the Kinect for X Box, raved. So, like an asshole, I took a chance @ Sears, bought the lil' bastard THE LAST ONE. It was obviously meant to be.

Coworker relates a text from her daughter (in Stoney's class) who indicated there was a big fight, someone brought a gun, school in lockdown. Tried, repeatedly texting him, nothing. Called Shebitch, similarly, nothing. REALLY glad I bought that killer gift-twice the lil bastard's Christmas budget fyi.

FINALLY shebitch picks up, tells me the obvious, he's pissed @ me. Did she back me up? Of course not, remember, this bitch can't get an oil delivery. This bitch can't get a Christmas tree-we have neither heat nor a tree. Joy joy.

I get home, he asks me to not slam the door, I ask him to NOT LIE. We had a shouting match to rival Kruschev @ the UN. Finally, left it with informing him that following NO replies, my number is now changed, when he next desires taco bell, steal it.

REALLY can't believe he was such a lil prick.

...so...the Christmas miracle. Of course, after making my point, I gave him lunch money for the week (remember, yesterday I gave him nothing, did Shebitch step up? No, but I'M Satan???). This am, I wake up to a $5 on the counter. I gave him one day's worth too much.

So, what have we learned? He's spoiled rotten, but honest.

I'll take it. Now, gotta work on the respect thing.

This am? St.Francis, felt REALLY good!!! Wonder why.

day 512

More gooder!

Woke up to a note from Stoney reminding me to leave lunch $. Of course, I responded "you conned me outta $20 for a movie you never saw, claimed you lent $10 to a peep, collect it from him-unless THAT was a lie too!" Hated doing that, but hadda. Gotta be a parent, not an enabler.

Not as bad this am, no wind. About 25 degs. Again, once you started moving, you were ok. St.Francis, after 9+ yesterday, hadda stick to under 10.

Now the question of the week: what to do Christmas day? VC is having a 10k, half, or full. Might skip all that and do The Line. Dunno, yet.

day 511

didn't TOTALLY suck

(but didn't set the world afire either).

Gotta remember, ran hard, for speed, yesterday. Today? 2 walk breaks, 15k in CP. Felt good, 9:40. All things considered, I'll take it. At least sub 10 for the distance. Ran the last 2 miles with the girl from last week's Prospect Park run (impressive for me-she's 20 years younger and was in the corral ahead of mine), we'll do New Year's eve in 2 weeks. Really can't even hide in plain sight. A good thing. Like George Sheehan said: wherever there are runners, I have a friend.

THEN, broke every speed limit to make it back to The Parkhouse for elections. Why? I'll never know, everyone ran unopposed, but brotherfromanothermother was there. Bless him.

Tron? SUCKED.

day 510

I DON'T SUCK!!!

The bad news: big crowd, too many lining up in front.

The good news: sub 9. YAY!!!!!

Didn't have my benchmarks, DP was around but I didn't see her line up. Quantum? Nonexistant, not even in the Brickwell incarnation. LOTS of Striders, even walking. THAT'S the spirit. Missed Quantum, they were always pissed they didn't win best costume-as well they should've been, but this year they would'a finally won. Gotta be in it!

Was cool hangin' with the peeps, bless 'em. Got to wish my usual suspects all the best for the holidays, most won't be there manana for the NYRR run.

Lots of injuries: Sassone, Laughlin, Lynn. Point is: they were there. Bless them.

Glad I did ok. Now, manana's another story. Just finish.

day 509

nice!!!

FINALLY, 36 degs, back to where it should be.

GREAT day off, played in nyc all day, picked up my # for Sunday, then home. Rest. No working out, no run, no nuttin'. Feel really good.

day 508

wtf???

Actually walked into Toxichouse yesterday and DIDN'T get torn a new one. You know you live in dysfucntion central when such a time is remarkable/unexpected. Icing on the cake: Crazybitch DID actually buy Stoney the new World of Warcraft (yet, he's suspended, AND we have no heat), THEN has the chutzpah to ask what I want for Christmas. I said oil. Moron. Still, nice to not be screamed at for once.

Bad news: didn't get into the NYC Half. Sucks. Did it every year sicne it started, should have some sort of inclusion, but, a lottery is a lottery (unless you whore yourself out and raise money for some fucking charity). Really irks me, but, it is what it is.

26 degs this am, little wind. Again, hands FROZEN on the way, better on the way back, actually warm.

Off manana, yay!!!

day 507

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Never had such ambivalence. REALLY was tempted to pack it in and do Bootcamp tonight, but after Spin yesterday-thus in my mind a day off, I hadda do The Line. Glad-as usual-I did. FREEZING on the way out, exacerbated by wind. THAT sucked, but, long as you kept running you were actually warm. Amazing. ALL the way on the way, cursed every step (cold + worried I'd slip on the ice). Coming back was nice to the point that I wanted to run further. THAT'S a good run!

day 506

Snow day!!!

I LOVE days like this, though it makes you a bit more flexible.

Running in it=lovely. Like running on pillows. PLUS, @ the hour @ which I run, I'm first on freshly fallen snow.

THEN, due to my warped nature, gotta go to spin class tonight. Why? In my fucked up mind, the run wasn't enough of a challenge.

Stoney? Going nuts, stuck @ Toxichouse.

Now, here's the weirdness (the latest). Shebitch takes away his x-box due to his assaultive behavior in school. Yet, buys him the latest World of Warcraft. How DO you spell "enable?"

and FURTHERMORE

(still a lil' pissed @ my time in Prospect Park)

WAS doing great, not only sub nine's, but sub 8.5's!!! Saturday's race totally blew that notion away...yet...it WAS Prospect Park-hilly-and it WAS a 4m, rather than a 5k...ok, I can live with that (totally obliviate the fact that I had been running 9.5's, considering that, 9:06 is a friggin' miracle...)still.......

It was lovely exiting the park, walking out deep in conversation with the flavor of the moment-she did the Vancouver marathon. Needless to say THAT broke the ice.

Ok, I'm better now. Just gotta keep at it.

day 505

there's got to be a morning after.....

thank GOD that weekend's over. Last night, the icing on the cake: I'm watching 60 minutes, the power goes off. Shebitch overloaded a circuit. Half the time I come back to Toxichouse my clock's blinking, literally half the time. Having it happen last night was just the last straw to a shit weekend, Now, again, think. If you do the same shit over and over......Nope, It can't take responsibility. Last night's outage was due to the rain. What a load of crap. Again, be happy you're not me. It's really tough sometimes.

But...there WAS light at the end of the tunnel!!! Shorts this am! YAY!!! Got 10+ in. 46 degs, shorts and a sweatshirt. Just what I needed.

day 504

got through it, one way or the other!!!

When I needed it, it wasn't there. What exactly am I referring to? Running. This am, of all mornings, RAIN. FUCK. Needed The Line, but, can't fight the gods. So, thank God for the gym. did the am spin class instead. Felt really good. The instructor, Sahid, a real ball breaker. I'm on my way around, running errands, Stoney texts me and calls, Shebitch calls. What was the disaster that made Chicken Little cry about the sky falling? Internet was down, and of course, I-a.k.a. "Satan" MUST have cut the connection. 2 morons. Oh yes, I'm responsible for the economy too.

This weekend hurt, alot.

day 503

these are the times that try mens' souls

So, re: yesterday's drama, it got worse. Stoney asked for movie $$$, I felt something was amiss, it was. Caught him in a lie. Claimed he went to see The Tourist, asked how it started? Bogus answer. Asked how it ended? Bogus answer. @ that point I blew. He's suspended from school for puttin' the beatdown on a kid, then lies to my face. KNEW he should'a been grounded, but permission to go to the movies was given prior to his suspension, was trying to be fair, this was my return on investment. Best : "I hate you." Really feeling good here.

Did ok in Prospect Park, not a sub 9, actually 9:06. Could I have run faster, yes. But believe me, I was a bit low. @ one point I was so frustrated looking for a parking spot, almost drove back to Wantagh to do the Mulcahy's run. But glad I did Prospect Park.

Second Christmas party this evening, did a walk through. Was Debbie's (I know 7 Debbies, guess which). Showed my face, then split. Would really like to be under a rock about now. Couldn't deal with a party, but I don't see her too often n' as you know, I don't do the social thing.

Great to have your heart and soul lie to you, then tell you he hates you. Makes it all worth it.

this just in!

Stoney, SUSPENDED!!!

Got one call from him, 4 from Shebitch. "Just wait 'til your father gets home."

(funny, Satan has his uses! Wonder what "all my friends say...," "everyone thinks" have to say about THIS one???). Dad=all the blame, none of the credit.

Turns out he laid some kid out. Punched the dude repeatedly in the face.

God help me, I'm proud of the lil' bastard.
Of course, I had The Talk about nothing giving him the right to hit someone...responsibility.....peaceful means of conflict resolution.....my chest still swells with pride.

God help me.

day 502

the downside of my circumstances is having NO support where it counts, in fact, being reviled there. But...fuck 'em. I'm me, I love me.

Bitch finally decided to put up Christmas decorations. Good. No tree, not even breathing a word about it, since anything you say in this situation feeds the fire. On the other side, there is no milk in the fridge (keep buying your friends gifts, we're only your family after all). Multitasking is NOT her forte. Still, at least Its putting something up. What gnaws @ me: I GUARANTEE Its groupies are receiving Christmas gifts. I made sure Stoney knew, "there's goes your oil heat" whenever It wrapped another gift. How can It live this way????? AND, expect a free ride????

Fortunately, God puts the right people in your face @ the right time. The ADT tech-my former student from East new York, had exactly the same circumstances, he got to the point that he moved out. However, HE and his got back together-the love was still there. Bless them.

2 parties this weekend, YAYYY!!!!! Satan gets invites.

This am? COLD, cold as HELL. But, ran. Felt REALLY good, 10+, St.Francis + Kissena. Hadda, rain predicted for Sunday. Also, manana is a 4m. Need the miles.

day 501

Ho!!!

So much for the Christmas season.

Toxichouse? No tree, no decorations, no heat, no shit.

Went "home" yesterday, again, caught Shebitch with Its pants down, but said nothing but positive crap. Make the mistake of going upstairs, It tells me Stoney's hutch fell. Let that sink in. Nothing "falls," action/reaction. Next to his dresser/hutch is the greyhound bus bathroom on the 2nd floor. We never use that toilet as it's FULL to overflowing with Its crap. Of course, rather than work for a living, It spends all Its days a la Hoarders, rearranging Its crap. Thus, It knocked over his hutch. Needless to say, this resulted in a psychotic break of epic proportions-REALLY went off-with Stoney sitting there. Total bitch. Add to this, everything It touched turned to shit-blew circuit breakers, couldn't turn on the oven...name it. Really a cluster fuck on Its part.

This am? St.Francis. Got up late-by my standards, left Toxichouse 30 mins later than usual-I was THAT cold. Sucks when from the moment you enter, to the moment you leave, you can't feel your fingers. Yes, I live in hell. Remember, leaving would play into Its shit, I'm stuck.

So, did 7+, faster than usual. How do I know. Like clockwork, daily my run ends @ 6:38, today, 6:46. Still happy. Feel centered, feel the load is lighter. God, what would I do if I couldn't run?????

day 500

WHEW!!!

Can you beLIEVE it's been this long?

28 degs this am, brrrrrr. FREEZING to stand in, GREAT to run in. St.Francis + Kissena= 10+. NIIIIIICE.

Considering the bipolar status of Toxichouse, this is welcome, the longer run was a treat.

Last night, shebitch on Its best behavior. Amazing. I wasn't Satan yesterday.

day 499

downhill from here.

...'tis the season...


So, of course, Shebitch goes FURTHER mental, if in fact this is at all possible. I'd been doing a work adjustment to be home when Stoney comes home-he should have ONE stable person there after all. It has Its shit, again, everywhere. OK, don't get bent. It gives the deer in the headlights look, so instead I compliment It on some triviality It'd done. So far so good. House, FREEZING, It, rather than order oil, has the electric heater (ok to zap my electric bill, long as someone ELSE pays, it's ok). Still, I maintain cool. It leaves to go to work (perfume kiosk, real career move). Now, think. Mutha of the year leaves without ANYTHING for its offspring. Still, I say nothing.

It leaves, Stoney's napping, under blankets and sweaters-doing his best homeless guy impression. my heart breaks, I cave, take his dinner order, while reinforcing that the mutha he claims to love has-again-shirked any responsibility, thus first bank of dad to the rescue. Go to taco bell, bringing back crap AND rootbeer. Let that sink in, I'm doing take-out, holding a freezing beverage. THAT'S love. He enjoyed it, good for him.

10:40, It comes home, WAKES ME UP to rage "where's the heater???" It was where It'd left it, but moved aside to not be in the way. Again, let that sink in, It came home last night, carried on for a solid 30 minutes of screaming rage, AFTER having woken me up. Needless to say, when I got up this am @ 2:20am, I raised hell. Woke IT up and kept waking It up until I left. Woke It up, yet again, to indicate I'd let the dog THEY wanted out and let him back in. Woke It up again, to indicate I'd cleaned the yard of the dogshit from the animal THEY wanted. It tried responding, but I shut It down, "oh, YOU'RE sleeping and I'M disturbing YOU???" "Sucks for you doesn't it?" No mercy, this is war!!! Bitch woke me up, did ZERO @ the house, contributes NOTHING, THEN has the balls to wake me up??? Die.

Thank GOD for running. Really GREAT temps. 30 degs, with wind, 28, juuuuust right. Sucked if you were standing still, GREAT to work up a sweat.

day 498

brrrrr!

FREEZING @ Toxichouse. THAT was the good news.

Last night, It goes on a tear. Earlier in the afternoon, I'm sitting @ the dining room table, eating soup. It inquired "good isn't it?"

Last evening, It had been out for the evening, It flips out, raging that I'd consumed the aforementioned soup. No, Virginia, you CAN'T make this crap up. Best of all, It again inquires re: "Are you giving me money for oil?," to which I of course replied "sure, just tell me whether cable or the mortgage shouldn't get paid." Remember kiddies, It received a disability check, AND works off the books, yet contributed zero. Stoney needs lunch money? First bank of dad. Stoney needs pocket money to hang with his peeps? First bank of dad. Get it? Bankroll everything, use nothing.

Back to The Line this am. Didn't wanna. Was sleeping, warm n' cozy, even my head under the covers (you can see your breath in cold Toxichouse). Actually got up a half hour before the alarm. FUCKING cold. But, gotta keep on keeping on. After doing so well this weekend, don't wanna regress.

The good news about this cold: snow beats rain!!!

day 497

created a monster!!!

OK, did well yesterday, better than I had a right to. So, naturally, hadda push it.

This am, another flat-though too many turns-5k. Ran into Deb in the gym @ the start, got into a conv with her and some of the usual suspects. Was, again, great to see the LI peeps, plus the added bonus of Deb. THEN, discussed the off-the-wall idea of back to back 5k's. This am's "Pancake Run" was 9 exits from home, the later 5k this am 9 exits after that hmmmm.

So, off we went, cold, but do-able. Deb paced me, though I doubt she knew it. Worked out well. I HATE seeing split clocks, or being told my times, so just did my best. Did well, though I didn't know HOW well until a few minutes ago :) .

Came in 4 seconds per mile faster than yesterday! YAY!!! Thanks Deb. Was tempted to push to pass her, but no, run to run another day.

So, there we were before the run, when one of the usual suspects says he told Polansky he WAS in fact doing back to backs. That's it, the challenge was there!!! Add to this, getting outta Brentwood was a fucking nightmare! Auxillary cops didn't think to let traffic out between walkers, finally, I followed usual suspect out. THAT, even, was a chore! Usually raffles are based on bib, this am, based on ticket. and I didn't have one!!!!! I was PISSED, the raffles here are good ones, but fuck it, I did ok-so I thought (didn't know I did THAT well, yay!!!!!). So, onto race #2.

Can't beLIEVE I did 2 5k's, but one was @ 9am, the next @ 11 am. Whatthefuck, why not?

day 496

THAT'S more like it!!!

Got SO involved in the day to day business of survival (YOU try feeding, cloothing, cleaning yourself, while maintaining full time employment/single parenting/being head of household. Merely NOT eating a bullet daily was a miracle, yet alone running well.

It appears, though, that's behind me!!! YAY!!! Back under 8.5 minutes per mile in a 5k. As it should be. Thanks God!

day 495

TGIF!

Nice way to end the week. Did St.Francis, nice and clear today. Yesterday was truly off the hook!!! No branches, the fallen trees had been removed. God bless the parks department. Felt good, sweatshirt, knit hat, gloves, and longs.

This is all in preparation for the weekend! 2 5k's, after last weekend, 3x, gotta maintain sub 9's. I think I can, the question is, do I want to? We'll see.

day 494

could you BE anymore of a pain in the ass?????

REALLY havin' it out with God lately (when you can't accept responsibility for your own actions, blame God). Actually started yelling @ Him during this am's run (thankfully no one was around, would've been hauled away in a straightjacket). Why? Yesterday's rain n' winds resulted in lots of branches on The Line. Now, take a second. When I run, visibility is an issue, so pretty much every 30 yards was an obstacle. The good news was I got my run in, and had a couple of nice breaks. The bad news: trees, 2 of them, in addition to miscellaneous branches hither and yon. @ one point I felt like a hand was grabbing my ankle, friggin' branches were like antlers.

But, again, a nice morning to run!!!

day 493

ouch


dropped by Toxichouse @ 2:30pm yesterday, OUCH!!! Shebitch there, Its crap EVERYWHERE. I mean EVERYWHERE. In the den, on the dining room table, in the living room, amazing. Emptied Its car, again, and spread the contents everywhere. THEN, freaked out big time!!!! You can't write stuff this good. Freaked out big time, cursing, screaming, "everybody knows you're.......all my friends say..." all this because I had the nerve to enter my house. Can you imagine???? Obviously It got caught with Its pants down, and didn't care for that. Bitch. Pure unadulterated bitch. I didn't stand for it. Threw it right back to It. Actually got an inch from Its face and SCREAMED. Fuck the bitch.

OUCH!!! x 2.

Rain, damn! Good to rest the knees, but needed to run, such is life.