day 1008

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!! There's alot to be said for keeping a clear head, fortunately, living with what I do, you get LOTS of practice. Sybil's vehicle is dead, fuel pump. By coincidence, It has a jewelry party tomorrow night. Funny how that worked out. I'm sure It expects the house to Itself, not gonna happen. Again, has all the grey matter of a puddle. Remember when I went with It to the dealer, told It to pick whichever vehicle It Wanted? Paid the monthly bills, maintained it.....Then, It turned Satanic, demanded my keys to that vehicle, @ that point I detached, and the vehicle fell to shit. Good. This moron's hoopty died, had to have a groupie rescue It. God forbid you get Onstar or AAA. THAT'S what responsible adults do. Came back from the race yesterday, never should'a left Manhattan. It was, again, in rare form. The usual "you need to go to counseling...why don't you..." I went to the backyard to hang with the dog, overhearing It in the background grousing about the usual 10 year old crap, "cancer...didn't visit me..." until I could take no more. Reminded It I visited when I could, while raising a young child, checking his homework, maintaining a full time job, putting the house in perfect shape, as well as clearing ALL debt. See It TRY and do THAT!!! So, why the comment about keeping a clear head? 1)you KNOW I wanted to fight fire with fire, then It would'a had a GOOD reason to go psycho. 2) Got to the job this am, read an e mail that was actually much ado about nothing, but shows what happens when you don't keep your wits about you. Whew!!! Obviously, no run this am. Spin class. Miss running. Also miss my knees.

day 1007

Pity I hadda come home. GREAT time in Manhattan. Did the Run as One 4m, THEN, headed to Lincoln Center for their charity walk. Nice. What a fucking gorgeous day!!!!! Then...back to Toxichouse. Shebitch's car died...again. What you get for living from others' donations. Bitch. So, of course, It starts with Its usual "you need counseling." Its car dies, Its life is a mess, and I need counseling. Twat.

day 1006

THAT was fun!!! Did Alec's Run. A 4m run, in Dix Hills, so don't ask how the course was. The big draw of this one: free tix, to the Mets no less! WAY cool! AND, best of all, Stoney's gonna come with! Is this great? Everyone who thought he was a figment of my imagination will actually lay eyes upon him. My time? SUCKED, but sucking less than before. Manana a 4m in Central Park. Expecting zero from that. WAS cool hangin' with the peeps @ the race. If my house was normal, I'd have felt better, but when Shebitch is up @ all hours, and Stoney's makin' racket in his room next door, getting anything resembling a normal night's sleep is out of the question. Hey, it is what it is. @ least he consented to come with to the game. Nice.

day 1005

REALLY needed that!!!!! Friday off, woke up at...10:00 am!!!! No run, no gym, sleeeeeeep. REALLY needed it-no shit! Went to get my number for tomorrow's 4m-the big draw is they have 1,000 Mets tix to give out, 2 to each of the first five hundred preregged. Nice. Sunday, another 4m in Central Park. Be interesting to see how I do in seperate races of the same length. Got a call from my mortgage co yesterday. Remember, Shebitch failed to get the documentation we need for Is disability, shrugging off any responsibility. Typical. Not even realizing the amount this could cost us. Not even realizing this could pay college tuition. Just close your eyes, bury your head. This, the same person who-when its son's room reeked of weed, left the house/burning rubber-to teach religion. Fucking useless cunt. So, the call was to tell me...THE REFI IS APPROVED!!!!! Thanks God. You exist. :)

day 1004

:) What a show!!!! Nick Lowe was amazing! It is truly impossible to attend his concerts and NOT walk out with a shit eating grin. Self-deprecating, knows what the people want, gives it to us, and loves doing it. Amazing. I thought I'd never been to the venue, but as the show progressed, it dawned on me I'd indeed been there-Warren Zevon. Really a great time. Pix below.

day 1003

REALLY close to the finish line. This one has been a good-but weird week. Sched completely off. Between missing House Monday, in favor of going out with peeps and catching the Mets game-and hitting Nick Lowe tonight, it'll have been a topsy turvy week. Late nights, sleeping in the next am, no run the next am. Weird-but good. Felt TERRIFIC to be back on The Line this am. The only downside? Lately my Dim Sum peeps are heading out later, putting me off my pace. They're WAY faster (who isn't?) so, I adopt race pace. Not good for training/daily running.

day 1002

THAT was interesting (in a good way!) Ok, hooked up with Anita, went to The Game. GREAT, once in a lifetime seats-luxury suite. WOW!!! All the food and drink you could handle, indoor if you wanted-outdoor if you wanted, waiters, waitresses, John Franco!!!!! (he signed my baseball), Mr.Met, really nice! The downside? We lost, BIG. Both games. Hey it's The Mets! Fucked up on the LIRR on the way back, ended up in Manhasset (we were so busy talking, we totally missed Woodside). Not to worry. Since she wouldn't think of accepting $$$ for the ticket, I got a cab, back to Hicksville, where she just made her train back. This am, I'm off (sleep, got to sometime!). Hit the job for a few hours, then come back. Stoney? I come home yesterday, the fan's on in his room, REEKS of pot. Shebitch? Running outta there to teach religion. Surprised the twat didn't roll his joints for him. Bitch actually refused to come back into the house-I wanted It to smell his room. Fucking useless cunt. And yes, it gets better. Bitch will cost us the refi. They need a doctors note explaining length of her disability, she can't close her end of the deal. Fucking useless. This will cost us the refi. Think it's easy? But last night, a total pleasure! ***Pix below.

day 1001

Thank GOD it's Monday!!!!!!!!! Enough of an odd weekend already! This am was odd as well, the "weird" seems pervasive. Normally, Monday's no running, but Spin class. So, went to the gym, and signed up for the class. Not unusual that there were only 2 of us signed up. Many come late. Headed to the class, the instructor was walking toward me with the other signee, saying class was off, due to low numbers. No sooner did she head upstairs than others came for class. Thank GOD. Not that a day off would'a been THAT bad, but when you're ready, you're ready. (of course, it WAS raining...so...didn't havta twist my arm to chillax). Good class, glad it was held. Still experiencing the 5m race. Absolutely KILLS me that the same people making drama about The Boycott, were nowhere to be found. Not a text, not a bbm, they're even Alley Pond's friends on FB. Nothing there either. Amazing. Glad their run is no more. Makes you really take stock of who your peeps are.

day 1,000

Yep, it's been THAT long. And, again, shit covers my article on the fridge (of course I replaced it-I made a gazillion copies). First, Shebitch used the excuse of "move my shit, I'll move yours" (in response to my stacking chairs that had been strewn all over the backyard). This day? No idea, other than having to cover up my accomplishment. Cunt. So, today we had our 5m. Did REALLY poorly, but compared to some, at least I ran :). Amazing how most peeps who complained about boycotting...etc...weren't even there. WAS REALLY happy GLIRC showed. God bless 'em.

day 999

REALLY hurt!!!!! Woke up this am, AGAIN my article disappeared from the fridge. WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with that twat????? Does it REALLY hurt that much to see someone's accomplishments? Of course, the answer is obvious. So, did the 4m this am, flat, but more than a 5k nontheless. Tough. I got ZERO motivation. Fucking exhausted. But, I finished. It was for a good cause, and, got me the FUCK out toxichouse. The peeps who scored it were LIRRC, was GREAT to hear my name cheered out-not cursed. Came back, my stuff is moved. Fucking TWAT is amazing. What lies behind THIS episode? It left chairs all over in the backyard, I stacked them up. Yes, Virginia, you CANNOT write stuff this good. What a fucking bitch. Remember, It LOVES leaving shit all over. Worse than living in an episode of Hoarders. Fucking psycho. And the shit that comes out of Its mouth is purely Toxic. Amazing one human can be such a CUNT (sorry kiddies, but that's really how It is). Not only is my stuff moved, a nasty note is taped to the oven. Ok, you know this IS war. Knowing what bullshit awaited, I was proactive. I copied the article 25x, had a banner made (6 foot), AND had a print made (as in, "canvas" print). Heee heeee. Whenever the bitch enters MY area, wherever It looks, my article will be there. All because It has a wasted life. Fuck the useless TWAT. made a career of being a cancer survivor, with nothing to show for it but disability checks. Today I ran. Life is good.

day 998

:)!!! TGIF! Made it through another week. But this one's different. Usually I'm off Fridays, this week I havta represent the commissioner @ a function on campus, so I'm here. It works out well for all since I hadda get my miles in this am anyway. Awfully nice to be trusted enough to do the big boss's bidding. Another magnificent morning, grrrrreat temps. Weekend looks iffy. With our big race Sunday, I've learned not to expect anything. After being deeply hurt by they that professed love and dedication, then decided to fart around, rather than support our race.....the disappointment just wasn't worth it. My attitude now is: if you make it, you know how great it is. If you don't, it's YOUR loss. Really gives you a true measure of a person as well.

day 997

VERY content

Got my miles in this am, long sleeves n' shorts. Hadda get out on time as this day is one of those "gotta try be in 2 places @ once" days.

Felt GREAT to be seen and recognized by so many. Peeps honking their horns and yelling my name, seeing familiar faces @ a conference..... Nice to NOT hide-for a change.

We're hosting a training on site, then participating/hosting a symposium in the psych center building-thus-I'm shuttling between 2 facilities/not fully present in either. The up side: I have WAY more peeps than I could've imagined. The downside? HATE not being fully present. Not fair to anyone really.

But...today I ran. Life is good.

day 996

nice to be wanted, I guess.

Got my miles in-barely. MAN I was beat. Again, when you hit the snooze button more than once, hmmmmm. Might havta eat more carbs. Feeling listless (er). Then, on the asphalt, hadda take a piss break. Not a good thing.

BUT, got to the job (Yin/Yang people!!!), turns out I'm being asked to represent the Comish @ a function. THAT'S the good news. The bad news: it's on Friday. So much for a day off.

day 995

!!!!!

Felt GREAT to be back! Did the spin class yesterday just to stay in the game. Today, hadda hit the asphalt. Actually hit the snooze button 3x, unusual for me. Actually contemplated taking a rest day, but 2 days of no running is totally unacceptable.

Why so content? In addition to getting my miles in, first shirtless day!!!!!! Always fun. AND my Dim Sum peeps asked if I was doing Brooklyn. God bless 'em.

REALLY DO believe the world would be a better place if everyone ran.

day 994

back!!!

REALLY a tough evening @ Toxichouse yesterday. Between Stoney being a dour teen and Sybil being Sybil, not a good environment. High point was when It asked if I had any credit card debt. made me feel great to say no. Progress kiddies!!!


This am, spin class. No run. WAS tempted to get some miles in, but gotta take care of the knees.

Felt good to be back spinning.

day 993

;(

Oh well, at least I tried/a.k.a. home is where the hurt is.

Did the Marcie Mazzola 5k this am. HILLY, but, again, I finished. What sucked-besides my time, was they charged for the use of the Y. If I was a weasel, I'd have acted as though I was only using the men's room, then showered. But no, I played it straight, and paid $15 for a day pass. Asshole that I am.

A couple'a peeps mentioned the article in the paper. Good motivation.

Then, made the critical error of going home. Stoney's there, Shebitch nowhere to be found-of course. I mention one thing to him, he goes off. JEEEEEZ. I know the teenage years are tough, but taking it out on the hand that feeds you????? Acting like a real pussy.

Really wonder why I ever go home. There's not an iota of love for me there. REALLY hurts. More than I can describe.

day 992

:)

What a day!!!!!

Am trail run, one Steve and I did once upon a time ago. And, since it was in THAT part of Long Island, golf in the pm-@ the course we called "home." REALLY nice.

CRUSHED my drive, short game SUCKED, but killer drives. I was 2nd best of our 4 some. Again, Steve would'a been proud.

The run in the am? SUCKED, but I finished. REALLY tough xc. So, hey, I finished. Of course, atop the BIGGEST hill, Polansky breaking my balls. :).

Of course, can't do EVERYTHING. Was supposed to go to the FDNY vs. NYPD hockey game w/Pedrito n' Stoney. Got back too late. Damn.

Otherwise, a picture perfect day. (even my putts didn't TOTALLY suck).

***pix below.


***AND, Ron was @ the course!

day 991

you never know...

Ok, the mortgage peeps offer to refi, @ no out of pocket. What's the hitch? They wanna keep me as a customer. Ok, I'll take it. But, the prob: Shebitch-of course. Everything on my end is in order, waiting for the shipwreck to cough up financial documents attesting to what It claims It is. This could screw us totally.

This am, BEAUTIFUL cloudless sky. GREAT am for a run, although I had serious doubts. REALLY tired. But couldn't waste a day. Glad I ran. ;)

day 990

we done good!!!!!

After all the drama, got my miles, life is good.

Too much going on, with too many people being foolish, chief among these: Sybil. But we're used to that.

A beautiful morning, almost no shirt weather-almost.

day 989

more gooder!

Ok, rain predicted off and on. When I awoke, nothing.

Last night, It comes in, asks me if I saw my picture in the paper. I'd placed a copy of the article on the fridge @ 4am, but this one asks if I'd seen my pic in the paper. Amazing. Talk about your jaundiced world view. AND, It wouldn't have known at all except one of Its chief enablers texted It a copy of the article. Amazing.

Brotherfromanothermother called, hernia. Poor bastard. BUT, still happy for him. NOT envy, but happy for him. He got it working on his backyard. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to do so? Anything I do @ Toxichouse is either dismissed, destroyed, or ignored. So, though he can't run, I'd gladly trade with him.

THEN, Anita called re: Mets tix. Yay!!!

Thank GOD I run. I've been exposed to a world that is always there for me. Question is: will I let it in?

And this am, W.C.Fields (the NYC Parks employee who is always there) handed me a copy of the article to place in the display case.

Like George Sheehan said "anywhere I run, I have friends."

So, despite the threat of showers, laced 'em up. Glad I did. Got my miles in, dry no less. AND, now that the gym is open an hour earlier, my day truly begins on a positive note.

Thanks God.

day 988

wow

Newsday published the article. Impressive. VERY impressive. Really encapsulates all the crap in my history. AND, thank God it happened when it did. Woke up this am, apple peels and sugar all over the floor. Why the HELL it's so hard to peel apples and throw away the detritus-or even clean up after onesself-I dunno. But that's what I live with.

On the schedule for this am WAS, getting my taxes done, joy joy. Thank GOD the article appeared. Got me motivated.

Lo and behold, got a call from Gary! Now, you don't know him. HE was my roomate in rehab. We really both live the same lives, but in dif locations. Same approx age, same anniv, both have sons, both sons approx same age. Wow.

Truly what a long, strange trip it's been.

The guys here welcomed me in with a big round of applause. They were of course reminded I'm not special, if not for them I wouldn't be me. Bless 'em.

And yes, put a copy of the article on the fridge. See how long that lasts, and, how long it takes for THIS-a great thing-to be twisted around.

So yes, got my miles in today. My before picture was on the road. Bless him.

Hope Steve is proud.

day 987

THAT actually hurt

Shebitch's journal/diary. Reflects nothing of consequence other than narcissism and 12 step/religion bullshit. What hurt was one comment about me: wrote about how I come in, hang in the den, do the computer, watch tv. Not a peep about paying EVERY bill, working every day, especially doing what I do. Meanwhile, admitting It's a shipwreck, i.e. referring to the basement as "scarry," (lacks spellcheck), yet not doing a damned thing about it. Nice to be valued isn't it?

This am, spin class. Trying to get @ the root of my crap running lately. I KNOW I'm burnt, but when have I NOT been?


...really hurts to have my career completely dismissed. While It prays to God for financial assistance (???), not a word about a self made person. Did anyone ever give me anything? Did I not earn every single stinkin' thing I have? And not even a thank you. When I bring up fixing the back door-until It threw my computer and guitar to the ground, It responds as though It has a right to have done so. Amazing.

day 986

WHEW!!!!!!!

Ok, Easter Sunday, a.k.a. "another day to avoid Shebitch."

Plans were made to join my bro for Easter dinner @ a Chinese Restaurant, so had 9 hours to kill. So.....5k in Eisenhower, movie, then Easter.

Of course, Shebitch was in on it, so, dysfunction @ its best: 2 seperate cars-God forbid we do anything together. Though you gotta love Shebitch honing in on MY family's action. Its mother was a depressive/suicidal/alcoholic/slut. It was never sure of its father. And YET has the TITS to take MY inventory??????

So, did the 5k in Eisenhower-REALLY stunk the place up. Had NOTHING. When you take walk breaks in a-relatively-flat 5k, you have dead legs. I know exactly what the prob is: no energy, from no carbs. But, I will not change my diet.

Then a flick, then dinner.

Thank God today's over.

Shebitch, again, asking me to account for my whereabouts-meanwhile, went out-with my son-last night. Didn't say a word re: where they were going. Even better, made plans to go upstate. Until the Easter dinner, I was not informed of a thing, until I asked where THEY were going without me. Twat.

day 985

Best of times, worst of times


After last night's concert, had NO cause to whine. BUT, DID get to sleep late. Thus, this am's run SUUUUUUUCKED. BUT, I DID finish.

When it take you over an hour to finish a 10k, THAT sucks.

Took a BUTTLOAD of walk breaks. Seemed we hit every fucking hill Central Park had to offer, counterclockwise. When Joe Gallagher passes you, it's time to do some conditioning. BUT, again, I DID finish. (amazingly, I was STILL in the 45%. Stunning).

GREAT pix below, AND, another day in the best city in the world!

(Broooooooce hits the stage to the tune of "New York, New York." Cool)

...then came back, after my lost weekend, to do the lawn. Glad I did. Shebitch? Doesn't lift a finger, though It DID have the tits to ask where I was. Truly incredible. It goes off, spends the night wherever, says not a word, yet asks me to account for my whereabouts.

day 984

BROOOOOOOCE!!!!!

So, enjoying a lost weekend, Shebitch @ home, Stoney staying with brotherfromanothermnother. So, off to nyc. Stay overnight, catch the race in the am. That was the plan.

Caught a limited release flick, then headed to MSG...BROOOOCE!!!!!

Picked up tix outside, had "limited view seats" side stage, that were GREAT!!!!!!! What a show. VERY impressive. When you see him, everyone around you is your friend, you don't stay solo for long. Amazing.

Took a bunch'a pix, below. Bought a bunchy of shirts.

EXHAUSTED this am, but hey, I saw Brooooooooce!!!!!

day 983

Whew!!!!!

ASSHOLES taking up my precious time!!!

One motherfucker on the job CANNOT simply report for work. Amazing. Bitch results in more taxpayer $$$ wasted than anyone I know. Suffers panic attacks when they'll be the only staff on duty. Pussy. THEN, we're supposed to pay overtime for another to sub for them? I think not.

So, actually was contemplating a day off, but no. Add to this, Stoney being a bitch (I'd asked when school resumed, his answer "does it matter?" Fuckin' emo teenager).

Thus, you bet your ASS I ran this am.

Now, today, doing my lost weekend routine in Manhattan.

BROOOCE tonight, race manana, 8am. Good to have some r n' r.

day 982

THAT didn't suck!!!

I HATE the meetings that come with being Prez of the running club. BUT, after not being able to walk up a flight of stairs without collapsing, really have no reason to whine. Yet, meetings DO suck.

So, had a bbq! When life gives you lemons.....

I got the basics, the club peeps brought the rest. We actually had a good time! I left a couple'a messages with Shebitch inviting It, of course, no response. Though It DID fuck with my things. But I'm in need of help eh?

Funny how the person who passes Itself off as the Queen of sobriety doesn't even note 27 years. While It drank coffee to stay up to process Avon orders, THEN took sleeping pills, I was working and running. Really good sobriety there. AND, the part that REALLY irks me: Its friends (as well as It, obviously) are given permission to judge my every move. I'd never think to do so, but they get off on Satanizing me. Lovely. Funny thing, though, I actually made something of my life.

And, of course, God puts the right person in your face. Yesterday, as I was driving to The Park, who was behind me? My before picture!!! Nice.

This am, he's there again. Was trying to hook up with me. Ran 2 miles together, then he backed off. Helluva nice guy.

Got what I needed. Pity I don't get that @ home, but as you know, I really don't have a home. Sucks, but it is what it is.

I ran this am, I'm good.

day 981

JEEEEEZ!!!

The world really WOULD be better if everyone ran!

Yesterday, walk into Toxichouse, back screen door WIDE open, dog gate WIDE open. Lovely. When I voice my displeasure, you can guess, the shit hit the fan. Shebitch went OFF. Rather than just say "oops," this turned into another rant against me. "My friends...the den...the garage..." a.k.a. the usual bullshit. Bitch. You KNEW this would happen with the warmer weather. The person who had melanoma HAS to get more sun, then leaves the home in a shambles. THEN has the balls to scream @ me for NOT fixing the screen door-as you recall THAT became dysfunctional when-as I was fixing it-It decided to throw my laptop AND guitar to the floor. Amazing.

All this on my 27th. anniversary. Lovely.

Adding insult to injury, It goes out, got a 3 pack of Dove Bars. Any left for me? Of course not. Lovely. Go teach religion. Go 12 step the world.

So, this am, staff turn satanic, went OFF on their supervisor. Amazing. Dude, we're getting paid. Thus, life is good. Couldn't keep it in perspective. Totally lost it. Amazing.

So, what have we learned? The world would be better off if everyone ran.

27 years!

4/3/85 I entered South Oaks for rehab.

The Dean @ the Seminary had called me into his office weeks before, told me it had come to the attention of faculty that I had a problem, and needed to do something about it if I wished to continue. So, went to rehab and never looked back.

No relapses, no crap. God bless Pedrito for making sure I always had a dollar in my pocket. God bless mom for being there for me and never doing what she should've: kick my drunk ass out rather than enabling me. Hope she's proud.

Remember the hard ass, telling me to "lose the jacket," as if wearing a jacket and tie could detract from the sight of my fat ass.

Remember the baked chicken, after baked chicken, after baked chicken.....

Remember Jeff Hazelwood.......

Remember bumming cigs because I only came in with a carton.....

Remember thinking "thin people must-by definition-be happy. How could they POSSIBLY be sad?"

No job, no income, not knowing whattheFUCK I'd do. BUT, knowing mom loved me and Pedrito was there-driving me to meetings.........wow.

Remember asking Jim to sponsor me, only to have him give me his number, not give a clear answer, telling me to "call." Damn you Jim!!!

Remember The Uniondale Group...................

Look @ me now. Amazing.

day 980

:)

Did well. After a day "off" (really a spin class), was kind'a worried. Nothing to fret about. Did well. With no piss breaks. Good. No dim sum peeps, but my before picture was out there, as well as the woman who usually runs back with my dim sum peeps.

A really great am, 43 degs. Sweatshirt and gloves, but shorts. Nice.

Back on track.

day 979

:)

Ok, did the races this weekend, suuuuuuuuuucked pace wise, but glad I did them anyway. REALLY had fun, and was actually able to...what's that word..."be social." Was quite a good weekend. Who'd a thunk I'd have a good time @ an Islander game?

Unfortunately, that left Toxichouse as is. Oh well. Funny how Stoney needs a new computer and POOF! He gets one. Meanwhile, when a bill needs to get paid...........

This am, with my knees aching worse than my ego, God-again-did His thing: they started a 6am spin class @ my gym. YAY!!!!

AND, my time @ the 15k didn't TOTALLY suck.

Not bad, all in all.

day 978

yin/yang

Def a CRAP race, but I DID finish.

The downside of not eating carbs can be: zero energy. Such was the case @ this am's 15k. For 10k I was ok, then the wheels came off, big time. Of course, doing a 5k the day before didn't help.

If I hadda do it all over again, would I do it the same? Yes. I did what I could, and am glad I did. AND, I had fun with my peeps. They kept me from me! Seeing Rick Saturday taking pics along the course, yelling "terrorist!," hangin' @ the Islanders game, really fun. Ok, my race pace sucked, I finished.

I was never a RACE person, I run to stay in shape, and that I did.

...although my time today REALLY sucked.

Pix below.