day 341

so, here's the deal:

1)you live alone
2)you die alone

that's it. End of story. Everything in the middle is the busywork we call "life."

So, what brings up this optimism?

Can't help but notice how many chase their tails looking for "it," when "it" is within them. Some seek it in wives, lovers, things...but ultimately, no matter how close you get to anyone or anything, you go into a box or get cooked to ashes. Boom, done over. Maybe an afterlife, we don't know.

Now, depending on where your head's at, this is either a downer or an immensely freeing internalization. I feel this frees me. Why? I'm bound to NOTHING. Do the right thing because it's the right thing, and, ultimately, makes your time above ground better. Doing otherwise is contrary to human nature-which IS after all fundamentally good.

So, what brought this on? You read about It housesitting/abandoning us. Good, peace in the home. I come home after golf yesterday evening, Stoney on the slaptop, It drives up, enters Toxichouse, goes on a rant about how I stole chairs from the backyard, and informs me It and Stoney are going "out." Refused to say where, good parenting, willfully exclude a parent. Good, peace. They return @ 10pm, went to Red Lobster (THERE'S vital information I'd withhold), then drove Stoney to spend the night @ brotherfromanothermother's. Woke up, the house empty, Hulk giving me the "wherethefuckiseverybody" look.

So, despite wanting to call in and spend the day at my house, I'm here.

Golf? GREAT!!! Perfect weather.

Running? St.Francis + Kissena. The am was really spectacular. 5 less degs and would'a been perfect, but, after last week, I'll take it.

Again, what brought out the referenced "a-ha moment?" I'm mentally rehashing It's chair tirade (oh yes, ranted about unclogging the vacuum also, at which point I told It the name of the person feeding Stoney and cleaning up the poop of animal he didn't want), wondering which memo I'd missed re: "expect the unexpected/left field is your home." Amazing. At least the house is a house, and Stoney is enjoying his summer.

...nice to look forward to going home rather than avoid it.