Thanksgiving

Things to be grateful for:

1)My family. Gotta fine tune that one. NOT my brothers and the person who used to wear my ring. Sad, but, it is what it is. Priest never quite grasped the notion that the world doesn't exist to kiss his ass, and DMV brother is lost to Shebitch's bullshit. I can't believe he puts faith in the crap It spreads, but he does. Shebitch? Well, you already know. Suffice to say, it's thanksgiving eve, Keith walked home from school, and It's out. One of those "for the memory book" nights. Now, don't underestimate the precariousness of my position here. Am I supposed to join them for Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant (!!!???) Or, cut my losses and not expose myself to this level of dysfunction (i.e. I can't believe HE'S here???" Or better "There's Satan.").

2)My peeps. Without them-and my son-I would've taken myself out a long time ago. Peeps were there for me in every dark moment, and will always be there. The question is: do I leave myself open to them? Often I crawl back into the hole where I can't be hurt. Solitude is good.

Yes, living with It's illness is painful. Imagine never knowing what you're walking into after working all day and battling 2 hours of traffic. Really makes you feel good doesn't it??? But, with a son, everything's different. You can't be as selfish as they that bear my last name (can you imagine being outr all day knowing your son is home, unattended???, ditching him to hang with your friends???????). Truly pigs. You MUST be there for him. REALLY wish I wasn't alone in functioning this way, but...it is what it is.

3)My own damn self. I'd LOVE to have a million of me. Strong willed, dedicated, generous, intolerant of bullshit, smart. Being me doesn't suck.


St.Francis this am. Cool, not cold, cool-38 degs. Tempted to wear shorts but, maybe tomorrow. The thanksgiving run with the peeps (NOT Quantum's run, love how they tried to bogart it).