Day 1068

At least I'm not injured!

Did what was SUPPOSED to be a 5m in Brooklyn this am. The organizers were total assholes, many pointed e mails exchanged between us. Adding insult to injury, the course was improperly marked. BUT, I finished.

They sent too many e mail updates. Many centered around the all important race shirt. I was livid. No only was prerace pickup NOT user friendly, but when i e mailed in response to THEIR e mail about running out, the asshole bit my head off. THEN, the race went off 15 mins late. So, me being me, how many shirts YOU think I walked away with? AND, one fucking line for post race grub. Fucked up. Never again.

Walkers wouldn't get out of the way "we're doing a cancer walk," like the runners weren't???? And after all the bullshit about the shirts, they came out with more. Really poor. Fortunately, they DID give out tix for the games. Unfortunately, I ain't going back to Brooklyn tonight. They really didn't understand many participants aren't from that borough. Very, VERY poorly organized.
Never again.

I'm on the train getting back, Stoney textx me asking "why didn't you leave my money. " Fucking asshole. Neither he nor the Twat even knew I was out.

Tomorrow, Aerosmith, Cheap Trick, and the Queens 10k. Good.

VERY Good news is: the calf isn't destroyed. Feeling good.

Day 1067

unbeLIEVEable!!!!!

Guy here breaks my balls for years to put him on Mon-Fri (he'd been working Sundays). Second week into his requested change, he bangs in. Fuck me. Really good to know you can count on people.

But, got my work done. Last night a sub did the spin class. I'd elliped for 30 mins prior, then Petra did the class instead of Paul. A real pitbull. Good.

This am, another wrinkle-6am spin class. A new one. Nice. Got some great ab work in, nice muscle confusion.

Head's in a good place.

Day 1066

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!

Sybil really has no clue.

After getting some sun, the cancer survivor was almost human. Almost. It asked about the refinancing, I said it didn't go through. It responded "all you have to do is make an extra payment." Again, let that sink in. As though It contributes to the bills? It pays zero into them, has no clue what expenses are, cannot internalize there is no "extra money." Could you be more infantile in your thinking? Could you possibly have less of a grasp of reality? Wow. Really wish I could have that luxury.

Tonight I spin therefore I am!!!!! Feels good to be mixing up the workouts. We'll see if it pays off this weekend.

***Also, this will make it one week w/o chocolate/movies every day. Feels good to not have gook in my system. Don't miss it.

this just in!

Crazy bitch on a tear about this "this alcoholic house." Why? It failed to properly close a gate, thus, when there was a heavy wind, it was flapping in the breeze, broke. Of course, couldn't own that. Then, gate on the side of the house was left open (how I'm supposed to know this, I haven't a clue). It goes ballistic-remember-the dog loves to escape (wouldn't YOU?).

Now, a normal person would say: "I'm using the side gate, don't let the dog out." Nope. Easier to go on a tear, as you lay outside in the sun, after having skin cancer.

Think it's easy?

Day 1065

NO FAIR!!!!!

Ok, got the gimpy leg. Getting better, but the wait is killing me. So, making do with spin class. Fortunately, they're varying the schedule@ the gym-great for muscle confusion. BUT, this am's class is delayed/cancelled as the instructor is stuck in traffic. GODDAMNIT!!! So, making do with a later class. REALLY a pain in the booty. Working out first thing in the day is key. But, gotta go with the flow. Must accept what we can't change.

Stoney? Not a word exchanged yesterday. His loss.

Day 1064

That REALLY hurt

Ok, get back to Toxichouse, Stoney horizontal-wow-summer and all you can do involves a keyboard or weed. Still reeling from venom crazy glued to the fridge. Then, the kiddies @ the office are being more dysfunctional than usual. THEN I notice a problem with the roof, THEN Stoney mouths off when I ask a simple question. THAT was the kicker. He needn't act like a bitchy teen with me, merely say something appropriate rather than rag off. No prob hitting on First Bank of Dad, but when I ask a question regarding his situation, thereby expressing interest in his life(as he exists under MY roof), he turns odd. Fuck him.

So, this am, still gimpy. No prob, gym it. Spin tonight!

Day 1063

Unplanned, but this is a good thing!

Sometimes you just gotta go with the flow. Hadn't planned on going to The Beach Boys, but how could you refuse. Especially in view of the level of dysfunction @ Toxichouse? f.y.i. It admitted to crazy gluing it's venemous communication. When I asked why, because I'd crazy glued my hairbrush. Of course, there is no ownership of the events that led to this. As in: Sybil felt free to move my stuff to wherever It pleased-thus I crazy glued that sucker. The reality: It was too tired, drank too much coffee-@ night no less, then went psychotic. Amazing. Imagine defacing your fridge?????

So, expected nothing from The Beach Boys, and was amazed. Started @ 7:37, left the stage @ 10:30 (10 minute intermission). REALLY a good show. Thanks Anita!!!

Couldn't run this am. Was lucky to NOT walk any of yesterday's 5k, really don't wanna risk permanent injury. So, PLANNED to do spin class, but the early am class ain't no mo'. DAMN!!!!! So, elliped. As I'm leaving the gym, notice an am spin class after all. So, got a double workout in.

Gonna spin the week away, hey, beats crutches!!!!!

Day 1062

OUCH!!!!!!!

Woke up in the midddle of the night to piss, Sybil: "what's YOUR problem." Guess I'm not allowed to use my bathroom. Woke up this am, psychotic rantings placed all over-ON the fridge, IN the fridge, ON my computer. It's really losing it. And of course I'm the root of all evil.

Great for your son to witness this isn't it. As if HE wasn't ready to throw me under the bus-remember-I'm "bad cop."

BUT, this am, I ran. Pace SUCKED, but my gimpy calf didn't make me walk. Good.

Day 1061

We will see!

Had the AP picnic, they did that is. Avoid that one like the plague. Not only 2 things I loathe: small talk and eating, but voting on the race proceeds. No thanks. Unfortunately, brotherfromanothermother couldn't make it either. Not the best vp, but hey, we DO have lives.

So, hid in nyc. Can't run, torn calf muscle. So, hid in the heart of civilization. Some shopping, couple of flicks, then back to eat and sleep. More Toxichouse than I can take.

Tomorrow's 5k will be a test. Hope I don't finish crippled.

Test for what? Next weekend is a big one. Sat a Coney Island 5m, and a baseball game after. Then Sunday what remains of the Queens half-now a 10k. Gonna spin all week to spare my gimpy leg.

Day 1060

Yin/Yang

Right calf REALLY hurts, feels like someone stuck a pen in it. Still, was preregged to do the 5k in Flushing Meadows last night, did it. SUCKED, came in @ 40 mins (for a fucking 5k???), but I regged, I ran/walked/trudged. Fulfilled my committment.

Just wanted to crawl under a rock.

But, sometimes you gotta wait for the miracle, as cliche as it seems. I got in, Stoney got a 1600 on his SAT's!!!!!!! That was the good news. The other news: Sybil was on a major tear. Oh well. Let 'em sweat (we've no a/c. If you pay the electric bill-you'd have a/c. They don't contribute, they get nothing).

Day 1059

THAT hurt!

Hot as HELL yesterday (remember, @ Toxichouse, no oil in winter/no a-c in summer). Stoney napping, so I thought, until he awoke to tell me to flush the toilet. Hit on First Bank of Dad for $$$, then had the gall to ask why I rearrange the fridge. You don't wanna know my answer, suffice to say, he's REALLY being an asshole. I'm accountable to a teenager?

Sybil? Who gives a fuck, wasn't there, again, no parenting. Selfish/useless bitch.

This am, chill. Race tonight, Also, meeting in Manhattan, so my sched will be WAY off. Oh well, gotta go with the flow. Will be nice to see the peeps, though running in these temps, yeccccch.

Day 1058

Whewwwwwwwww!

Ok, got into Toxichouse, no one in. So far so good. Worried about Stoney, but he has my #, he IS a teenager and needs his space. But...still waiting for his first arrest.

Sybil? m.i.a. Who cares.

Point being: peace, for now.

Went to catch possibly the worst movie ever made: "That's My Boy." What total crap. Almost (ALMOST) made hangin' with Sybil appear to be a good thing.

Left the flick after an hour, it was THAT bad.

Into Toxichouse, hour later, It comes in. Spreads Its disaster in the living room, kitchen, then bedroom. When I finally hit the bedroom to chillax It goes ballistic. As though I hadn't the right to enter it when It was present. Bitch. Imagine being castigated for entering your own space???????????

But, got my run on. Life is good. Life is what we make it n'est pas?

Manana will be odd. No morning miles-race in the evening. As though that weren't odd enough, meetings @ our office in NYC. ;( Don't like being outta my groove, but hey, remember waiting @ the bus stop in Uniondale for the bus in 2 feet of snow? Remember 2+ hours to get to Ward's Island? I really have no right to bitch.

Day 1057

JEEEEEEEEEEEEZ!!!!!

Ok, got my run on, felt good, centered, focused, in the groove. Unfortunately, you can't run forever. Trust me, I tried.

Got through yesterday actually feeling ok. Toxichouse, Stoney heads out to smoke, it is what it is. I'm hangin', knowing Mental One is m.i.a.

It comes in, shit hits the FAN. Lost Its keys, lost a tooth, it was actually scary. It had a complete meltdown. Of course this translated into "I'm getting a divorce......force you out......you steal my things....." Never could take responsibility for anything. Stoney's left alone all day, It bought him condoms (as if air fresheners weren't enabling enough). THEN It has the gall to blame ME for all Its shortcomings. "You never came to see me in the hospital..." (remember: this was 10 years ago, and I did in fact visit as often as I could. It conveniently forgets I had a house to run, a child to raise, and debts to pay). Even the dog wanted to hang outside rather than hear any more of Its Toxicity.

God grant me the serenity/Run Forrest run!!!

Day 1056

So, thank GOD Father's Day is over. What crap. This am, got up, laced 'em up, got my miles. And not a moment too soon. This week's tough; meetings, evening races etc.....gonna be totally off my sched. But today, I ran. Life is good.

 Spoke with Brotherfromanothermother. He reaped the fruits of many years of child support. Thank GOD his kids took care of him. Maybe one day Stoney'll see the light. Or not.

Shebitch? Got me a bar of chocolate...It had sitting in the car for quite some time.....pathetic.

day 1055

Happy fucking Father's Day!!! Last night, Bitch in rare form, abetted by Stoney. I had the NERVE to eat 3 slices of cheese in the fridge. Of course, @ 9:30pm Stoney decides he wants cheeseburgers. This was the Twat's excuse to go off, "your son..." as though I was taking food from his mouth. Fucking amazing. Did the 5m in Central Park this am, was GREAT to get the FUCK outta that toxic environment, and no, not even a fucking card. This is what I get for paying all the bills, for-finally-picking up the Twat's hedge clippings (3 weeks after It hacked the hedges.). Really feeling the love. Hurts more than I can describe. DID run into Alina, God bless her. And Joe. Happy Fucking Father's Day. Fuck me. ...and where's the Twat? M.I.A. of course, and no milk in the fridge.

day 1054

SOMETIMES things work!!!!! Did the CPA'S for a Cause this am. Was supposed to be a 5k, but.....was more like a 3.5m. Did ok, but with an inaccurate course, also, grass and asphalt....let's just say I didn't TOTALLY suck. You could def tell it was an accountant's race: these people didn't know jack shit from organizing. But it's one of those small-ish runs you do to keep in the game. Manana, a 5m in CP, back home: The City. Thank God. So, there I am avoiding the Twat, when I get a text from AW asking if i wanted tio do the Beach Boys after Katie's Run. Now let that sink in. All these years I'd been waiting for someone besides me who knew how to buy tickets. Whaddya know, FINALLY. A real PEEP!!!!! God is good. Happy Father's Day. Right.

day 1053

Whew!!!!! Ok, between my heart being broken with Stoney's wasted youth, Sybil's being Sybil, and work (thank GOD for my office), had a busy week. Last night, the 5k in EP. My pace was truly shit, but I didn't havta walk. AND, I'm not alone. Except for the usual racing maniacs, the rest of us aren't doing any better either. Must be really nice to have knees. But, I was there, connected with my peeps, feel refocused/centered. They were holding a carnival there, REALLY hurt. Imagine how cool it'd be for Stoney and I to take it in! But no, he's too busy hacking up a lung from smoking weed. Moron. And his mother? Who the HELL knows. He spends all day on his computer, farting around. Some moments of clarity when he goes and shoots hoops with his peeps. What, among other things, slays me: @ almost 17, would YOU be satisfied hitting on First Bank of Dad for a lousy $10 to get munchies with your peeps? Would you not want some independence??? Zero motivation. Sybil? Useless. At least It stayed the HELL outta my way. Pray. This weekend, Father's Day. Pray more.

day 1052

jeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!!!! Thank GOD I have a great job. Toxichouse was, well....toxic. Stoney, in his room, resembling the scent of Cheech and Chong's next flick. His mother? Who the hell knows. Finally, It drops in, just long enough to spread shoes all over the bedroom, THEN tear me a new one for actually (gasp) entering MY bedroom while It was doing this. Imagine!!!!! Aren't I a beast, actually ENTERING MY BEDROOM. can you possibly imagine that????? It was in truly rare form yesterday. What slays me is HIS mouthing off to It as well. Good. If he addressed me the way he apoke to It, I'd kill him. Did I interfere? HELL no, It has it coming. Tonight 5k in Eisenhower Park. Hook up with my LI peeps. This is one of the "gimme" runs, as in: gotta do.

day 1051

so, now that it's summer, what does Stoney do? Nothing. No job, no motivation, nothing. And where's the portal through which he passed? m.i.a. THAT was the bad news. The good news? At least the useless one isn't in the 4 walls wreakin' havoc. When I was his age summer was magic. Now, he has zero motivation, couldn't give a damn about the 'hood (Jackson Heights forever!!!!!), and smokes. REALLY cracks me up hearing him coughing up a lung when I arise in the am. This morning, rain. Good. Needed a break. No ellip, no nothin'. Need to mend/rest.

day 1050

amazing. Everyone has great ideas for what everyone else should be ding. I.E. staff whine about a dirty unit, however, does anyone take the ball and run with it? Some had been offered the opportunity to supervise the housekeeper, all declined. Of course, THAT doesn't diminish their God given capacity for whining. S.M.H. Yet, this am, all's good. Got my miles. Felt good. NOT oppressively humid, was actually a cool evening yesterday-which turned into a cool(er) morning. Nice.

day 1049

Unexpectedly good!!! I was in the habit of Spin Class for Mondays, for a couple'a weeks. BUT, need the miles. Purely for my head. After yesterday's dismal 5k, I hadda clear the pipes. This am was perfect for it. My dim sum peeps must'a taken the day off, though couple'a my usual suspects were out. Stoney's back. No summer plans, no summer job, aimless. Not good.

day 1048

:( Did the 5k in Cedar Creek Park. REALLY sucked. HADDA take walk breaks. Imagine, can do a marathon, but walk breaks in a fucking 5k????? Best of all, Curtis passed me. Oh well. When I got up, it was raining. If I hadn't preregged, I'd have stayed in. But, did the run, then off to NYC. Stoney's with brotherfromanothermother. So, avoidance mode re: Toxichouse. Sybil vacuuming last night Between 10-10:30 pm. Amazing. So, double feature flick time. ***Def picked the WRONG day to be in Manhattan. Freakin' Rican day parade. Plenty of hot babes, but a friggin' nightmare of party assholes. STILL beats Toxichouse.

day 1047

Strange. Good strange, but strange nontheless. Got my miles in, WAS some doubt. Rain off and on, this am, was off, until after. As stated, did my 6.5, the green peeps were heading out as i was heading in (as usual), bumped into GT. Ended up walking 2 more miles, the last with RL. Nice. Peeps is good. So, why "strange?" Stoney's with his brotherfromanothermother. Toxichouse is empty, except for the twat. WAS tempted to do the race this evening, but after a total of 8+ this am, not such a great idea.

day 1046

Made it!!!!!! The week is a wrap! We did well on the job-people have begun summer vacations, yet this hasn't had a negative effect...yet. Amazing how the same people who whine incessantly about needing more staff have done the job with less. This am, beautiful morning. Got my miles, felt really good. One peep who was concerned about jumping back on the horse passed the HELL outta me. Good for her!!!!! Last day of school for Stoney. Summer plans? Yeah right. Job? Yeah right. I'm there if he needs me. His mother? Waste of flesh. A good week. ***Got the call yesterday pm, I'm needed to provide coverage as administrator on call for South Beach. They lack a Director, the acting director will be away for the weekend. Nice to be wanted I guess.

day 1045

Today, I ran. Thus, it's a GREAT day!!!!! Had the monthly meeting last night. Thank GOD the kiddies finally got with the program. They decided to suspend meetings for summer, next convening in September. YESSSSSS!!!!! No matter what we did, numbers decline in summer, why have a meeting for the sake of having a meeting??? So, wisdom prevailed. As it is, we do WAY too much "because we've always done it that way." Stupid reason. People don't enjoy free time? Two years after I brought it up, they see the light. Better late than never. So, with showers predicted for basically anytime, clear this am! Yay!!! Got my miles. Life is good.

day 1044

the world WOULD be better off if everyone ran!!!!! You DON'T wanna know the b.s. happening here. Suffice to say, these people obviously don't run-and it shows! Really keeps you in perspective, but, their loss. Got my miles in this am, knowing this evening will be labor intensive. We have the bored meeting, then membership bbq. The shit I do, and they know not a thing. This IS as it should be, a truly humble person wouldn't think of telling the labors they provide. "It's my job..." Got my miles in, life is good. I watch Sybil pacing about Toxichouse, spends a solid hour pacing about, acting as though what's being done is of ANY importance. Meanwhile, the hedge clippings are STILL on the ground-from 2 weeks ago. Meanwhile, the basement de-hoarding is STILL not done. Start a ton of shit, finish nothing. Scary. Go for a walk moron!!!!!!!

day 1043

BACK!!!!! Enough with the "weekend warrior" bullshit. Back to The Line. Felt GREAT!!!!! Again, I wonder: why can I do The Line with no problem-it's never easy-yet when I do some bullshit 5k, end up taking a walk break????? Saw my Dim Sum peeps and some usual suspects. My before picture has been m.i.a. Was lucky to get my miles. This week is one of those "chance of showers @ any time" weeks. Could be worse, at least we have the weekend! Sybil: spent a few hours getting rid of crap from the basement. Odd. I kept the house tight, now that It's bnot working, dawns on It that the basement's a firetrap. Really let it go to shit. So, It produces garbage, guess who gets to dispose of it? 9/10 of it is pure crap It felt the need to buy. Just think how many bills could've been paid instead. This morning I ran. Life is good.

day 1042

MORE gooder!!!!! Did the Belmont run yesterday evening. Evening runs SUCK, but this was way cool. You got to run on the track itself for the last 2/10 miles. Hadda touch base @ Toxichouse first, no one home, then ate, then off I went. Sybil was certainly @ the beach (love that melanoma!), Stoney was...take a guess. Actually, he surprised me. He was with his peeps playing-first hoops, then football. Thank you GOD!!!!! So, rain stopped, hooked up with the green peeps, had fun. LOTS of food after, great company, and running on the track is quite an experience. Then, back into a pumpkin. Sybil's barbecuing (in the dark), Stoney's god only knows where. Finally he drags himself in 'round 9pm. Amazing. He ends u staying up WAY late, I went to the bathroom between 1 and 2am, he was still up, doing homework. Amazing. So, got up late(r), STILL got to the job way early, but late for me (7am). No run, no spin, no ellip. Really need rest. BUT, did ok @ Saturday's race, broke 10 minutes-for me a miracle. I was feeling some despair. Yesterday's race time sucked, but you do it for the experience. I actually walked on part of the track to truly feel my surroundings. VERY impressive. Hey, it IS Queens ;).

day 1041

Chillin', until later. No run this am-though the temps are PERFECT. Almost tempted to do New Hyde Park, but no. As it is, having probs running well. So, chill 'til this eve's run.

day 1040

Surprising!!! Woke up, rain. UGH! Was preregged to do a race I hadn't done-or so I thought. Went for packet pickup yesterday as we were warned race day might be dodgy. Also, pasta dinner was part of it-how bad could it be? It was actually good. Not bad at all! The race was @ MacArthur airport, from whence I went to Little Rock and Myrtle. Bit of a drive, but VERY user friendly. turns out, I HAD done this run before, but didn't matter. Had a blast! Lots of peeps, Curtis made it-that's 2 races in 2 weeks. My usual Long Island peeps were there. Really good. No walk breaks-it IS an airport-flat. TONS of giveaways-walked away with a case of METRX version of Powerbars and vitamins. It was a military themed run, so you KNOW it was heavily sponsored. Between the pasta dinner and the giveaways, couldn't afford NOT to do this one. Also, after too many shit race times, today's didn't totally suck-a self esteem race indeed. Tomorrow's a weird one. Usually do New Hyde Park, but they're resurrecting the Belmont race. THAT'S the good news. The BAD news, it's @ 7:pm. UGH. Oh well, an evening run to get outta Toxichouse. Today, Stoney had his SAT's. Really not highly recommended to smoke the night before, but hey, he's digging his grave.

day 1039

Turning back into a pumpkin!!! Had a GREAT afternoon/evening yesterday. Took the pm off to meet up with peeps, catch a flick (God Bless America, HILARIOUS. Bobcat Goldthwait-need I say more? @ The Sunshine Cinema no less. GREAT theater, cool staff, great munchies. Had the place practically to ourselves). But I digress. Hit Katz's deli for food (yummmm), then the flick. THEN, the Wall Street Run. Before the run, hooked up with Sal and Maria, hung, hooked up with Joe. The run? Too many overly competitive assholes who try to run you over, but as long as you forsake all hope of doing well, you're ok. Really people, get a grip. These Wall Street types just don't understand running at all. BUT, it IS a fun event. AND saw my nyrr peeps as well. Between my non running peeps, and then my nyrr guyz, really felt the love. Unfortunately, hadda go home. Sybil? m.i.a. Of course, with Stoney's SAT's on Saturday, It shirks all responsibility. So, he's sleeping on the couch. I come in @ 9:30, THEN he wakes up. Amazing. Turns into a bitch, typical. Disrespectful, a total asshole. Really miss having a son, especially when I see others as a family unit. It is what it is.