day 56

did well in the Queens Half. NOT a pr, but hey, not getting any younger. They DID change the course so you don't do a double loop-nice. But, tough nontheless. My best here was 1:59, worst 2:20, so I'll take today as middle ground. THAT'S the rub with track work: better 5k times, but distances, not so much.

Started with my new best friend Warwick. Asked where his "book shirt" was-he was wearing another. Also saw Bobbi Nigro @ the finish. She'll speak @ our October meeting. Told her I can't make her tuesday classes due to track work, she graciously offered to run a session for the club. GREAT to see the College Point peeps where I didn't expect them. Years ago they gave control of this one to the NYRR, so they volunteer en masse (such as their "masse" is), making it a nice push when you see 'em.

We had 10 run it, I was near the bottom time wise, yet ALL of us were in the top 50%. NICE!

Then, headed to The Parkhouse for the refreshment run. Wanted to see firsthand what was up with this Jew bullshit. Some were up in arms that we had the audacity to have refreshment day on a Jewish Holy Day. Fuck 'em. We're not a religious group. Turns out it was indeed well attended, plenty of peeps and goodies. Again, nice!

Back to Toxichouse-front door WIDE open (unbelievable!!!)- to find another of It's handwritten rants, didn't read, threw out imemdiately, mental bitch. Proceeded to do the lawn (13.1 miles wasn't enough, let's REALLY damage that knee). Hey, less addictive than valium.

Manana, Mets game with Spike, Tom and his offspring. Yay!!!

Funny, Shebitch has no problem telling me the various things I should do. Do I do this to It? Does It take Spike ANYWHERE????? I'm truly deeply enjoying watching It freak about Its growing bills. Good on ya'. Made your bed...

Really good time yesterday teaching a newbie to golf. Forgot how messed up I was-and at times still am-so I was patient. Passing on the addiction.

Saw "Love Happens." HORRIBLE reviews, but made me cry. If you've ever been in love, or especially, if you've lost a love, you MUST see this movie. It's really amazing. Whomever wrote it has had their heart broken. I could've written it myself, but I wouldn't give that much power to the heartbreaker.

What slays me is the precariousness of my situation. It loathes me, yet I can't give It half my shit. I'm truly stuck. And it's all for Keith. Again, imagine what his life would be like if I weren't around? Perish THAT thought. And for him, I suffer the indignity of being the object of scorn to all who knew me. THAT hurts. But what twists the knife in my heart is my situation forcing me into a life without love. I have love in my life yet can't act upon it. THIS hurts, badly. Knowing someone is so close, yet... Oh well. (And yes, I remember when I was grotesquely obese and thought thin people must automatically be happy). I have joy in my life, I have peeps. I have my son. My career enables me to assist the throw-away's of New York. This is my world.