day 53

be glad it's not you!

When cancer strikes, everyone's life revolves around it, either by design or default.

It still is in and out of the hospital. Its blood levels (white cells, red cells, potassium levels, the hundreds of other chemicals) aren't normal yet, so harvesting of stem cells can't yet begin. THEN Its in hospital for 4 weeks, followed by 2 months rehab. Now here's the rub: It can't be around pets in this period, so, in Its ongoing effort to fuck everything up and make bad decisions (wouldn't YOU give the pet to a friend for temp care???), Its planning to live elsewhere for weeks. This is GREAT news for me, but awful for the family unit on many levels. Keith has a "now you see me, now you don't" person in his life, It won't be there to fulfill Its domestic responsibilities. I win because obviously tranquility will reign, and I won't have to suffer the indignity of a mental patient ranting at the most inopportune times, much less waking me from a perfect sleep to go psycho. So, we (Keith and I) live day to day, never knowing exactly where It will be. Lovely. Got Kevorkian's number?

What absolutely slays me is the fact that this marks year 7 of this nightmare, and who's been the constant throughout??? When Its friends/groupies sided with her and satanized me, who still was there and made sure It had benefits as well as a roof? Nice to be appreciated ain't it? When I indicated (don't waste my breath anymore) It had me to thank, I was told "It's your job." True, but thanks is always in order, and, if that's MY job, what role does It play? Enough with the victim bull. Even before Ccancer, It didn't do squat. This merely offers a tragic excuse.

The lesson (among many) is that despite what anyone says (though, as in this case, all our friends as well as family believe I'm Satan), if you know you're righteous, that's all that matters. Just ask Job. It hurts in ways you'll never know, but it is what it is. Gotta keep keepin' on.

Core class last night. Felt great. It was off for 3 weeks, now the cycle begins anew. Good. Doing the same crap, the body levels off. Teacher said I wasn't around for a while, was trying to call to see if I was ok. When I explained wassup @ Toxichouse, all made sense. Nice to be missed.

St.Francis this morning, felt REALLY good, hmmmmm, wonder why??? Also, changed running shoes-for daily runs that is. As if by magic, knees feel better, back feels better.

Queens half this weekend. HATE this one, but GREAT training. 2 loops (UGGHH!!!) with one killer hill. Also, the start SUCKS-thousands of people in one narrow street. This clears quickly thank G.

6 weeks until The Big One!!!