deja vu all over again???

catchy title n'est pas? So nice, hadda use it twice.

Why?

St.Francis esta manana, again, feeling good, leg hurts, knee hurts, ankle hurts, but overall-good.

So, wassup with the deja vu?

Shebitch went to oncologist. Guess what? It's back. Now we have to plan a course of treatments.

Amazing.

So, how am I supposed to feel about this? It made it's bed, didn't do anything to avoid relapse, and here we are again. Exacerbated by lengthy bouts of exposure to the sun, not taaking care of the physical (exercise etc...when Lance lost a ball, what'd HE do? Won the Tour De France), AND continued using hair coloring (proven to have a link to Lymphoma. Hope being blonde and tanned was worth it.

Surgery will be inevitable, and then? Dunno, hence, the discussion of options. All I know is: last time we went through this, I played attentive spouse, and was threatened with court thereafter-castigated by the people I thought were our friends, and shunned even by my family. Guess I'm fucked. Again.

***save your sympathy. Remember, this is the creature that screams at It's son asking if he's stupid. That regularly feeds him mashed potatoes and chocolate milk. That shows It's gratitude for 12 months of nursing back to health, by threatening court and belittling in unimaginable ways in front of my son. Save it. Worry about the survivors. We truly are fucked, again.

This sucks.

deja vu all over again

(St.Francis this am, HOTTTTTT, MUGGY, HUMID. No shirt weather. For some reason, whenever the 4th is right around the corner, it gets like this.)

So, why the title?

Came back to Toxichouse yesterday, Spike is pointing to his jowls, poking fun @ Queen of the Damned. Turns out It has golfball sized protrusions on either side of It's jaws, i.e. lymph nodes. I.E. here we go again. Looks like a squirrel holding nuts-NOT those-in It's cheeks. Tomorrow, ANOTHER biopsy, petscan, catscan, scanscan.......Fuck me. Of course I told It, make sure you tell the oncologist EXACTLY how much time you spend in the sun.

Now, what do I do? Be authentic and pray it's the big C. No. Can't do that. Would LOVE for It to move out, have some fatal (though immediate) occurence, but no one should experience the big C.

Not even a total bitch.

...yes, I wanted to use the C word to describe It, but let's have some modicum of chivalry.

good to have options

really wanted to do The Fairfield Half, but after play was called in the golf match there yesterday-guess why...RAIN, I decided to NOT take that chance. Did the Achilles Central park run instead.

Bad news: Expensive motherfucker. $35 day of race. But hey, how much would YOU pay to avoid Shebitch and your problems for a few hours.

Good news: medals!!! yay!!! Love me some them medals.

Wenzel and his daughter were there, Vince and someone else who called my name-can't hide, even when there in stealth mode-didn't wear team colors, did it as a lark. Glad I had that mindset. For a mere 5m, hadda take 2 walk breaks. If I hadn't raced yesterday I'm sure I would'a done better. Normal people don't do this more than once monthly, but normal isn't in my vocabulary.

*CRUCIAL error: Should'a brought a power gel. Formula: every 3 miles, do one. yesterday, was in Manhattan before it dawned on me that I'd neglected to bring one, dayum. Checked EVERY 24 hr Duane Reade: plenty of power BARS, no gels. Oh well. So my time suffered, I finished.

Did the West Side Y before and after, great to have a home away from home, then went to see Cheri. GREAT film that I'm sure few will see.

After doing yesterday am's race, then the hedges, then the lawn, was tired, but hadda do Central Park. Hadda celebrate 24 hours of rainless conditions, thuogh it was humid as HELL.

...Of course, when I came back to Toxichouse, Shebitch-the religion teacher-hadn't gone to church, done ANYTHING with Keith, and had in fact spent the day cleaning uot It's car. For 8 hours. yes, 8 hours. But It does a great job of telling everyone ELSE what/how to......judging everything. Amazing.


.....great weekend, spent some great time bonding with the neighbor and his best bud, who repeated, "for the guy everyone talks about, you're alright." What he now realizes is what we all know: not giving a FUCK what anyone thinks makes pathetic people nuts. Long as I know wassup, that's all that matters. Doing the right thing keeps everything copasetic-not necessarily easy.


........next time you see her, tell her that I love her. Next time you see her, tell her that I care......

careful what you wish for

ok, rained AGAIN yesterday-almost had 48 hours of rain free living there. Today, HOTTTTTT and HUMIDDDD.

Did the 4m @ Lake Ronkonkoma, amazed I broke 9 minutes. Hilly, hot and humid as a motherfucker, but did it in sub 9. Thank G. Doing St.Francis paid off.

Hadda do the race, It came home last night and tore Spike a new one: "what are you stupid? You can't wash a dish," It gets on his case for not washing dishes-can you imagine? Love the positive reinforcement there-he's gotta love being asked if he's stupid. I was set to intervene, but he threw it right back at It "why do you have to talk to daddy to tell me something?" Good one kid. Take no shit from anyone (wrote that in his graduation card).

Came back from the race, seeing as it was actually...what's that word......ah yes SUNNY, did the hedges and the lawn. Now, ready for my stroke.

HOT, HUMID, prayed for a day without rain...got it but...dayum.

Closed the day by attending a party, yes, a party. Next door neighbor, whose daughter was in Keith's class, had a graduation get together. He's a regular guy, a real Newyorican. We couldn't NOT go, so we actually-yes, the 3 of us-went. It left to go to work, without saying It was leaving, keith and I hung out, before you knew it, a couple of hours had passed. These humans, a good bunch. Just don't marry any of them.

TGIF

made it through the week.

Micheal Jackson: who gives a shit. Best headloine, NY Post-of course, "Jacko Backo to Neverland."

Farrah: sucks, but, sucks worse for they that haven't her resources.

Ed: Sucks. A part of us all went with him, but truth: he was a professional kiss-ass. Not a bad way to make a living, but still...not sure that's how I wanna be remembered.

***When you lo0ok @ Farrah pix, THAT'S EXACTLY what Shebitch looked like during It's bout with the big C. Tragic for people like me who had to live with it. No one ever thinks of the collateral damage. (and yes, should one of it's friends actually have the balls to tear me a new one to my face, I'll ask exactly who it was that cleaned the multicolored fluids that came out of It's every opening, with a smile on my face and support in my heart. Easy to be judgemental when you haven't been knee deep in it isn't it?)

12+ this am, to Kissena, 3 loops, and back. Felt really good. needed the long run.


.....what makes me think i could start clean slated............

the big day was upon us

so, how'd we celebrate?

First, St.Francis of course, get those miles in kiddies! Then shower, back to Hicksville.

Got to the school-each fam was given 2 tix, good thing. The fucking place was PACKED. Now, bear in mind, there were about 200 delinquents graduating, plus 400 of their parents, keepers. Ouch. One sweaty ass gym. No a/c. But, absolutely worth it!!! Worth every boring ass fucking speech "I'd like to thank the Parents, Administration, Teachers, and of course..." Really, EVERY goddamned speech had that as the intro. And there were 7 of them. DAYUM. But, there was Spike, hairy bastard. Looked good, made my year. He's popular in his class, as well he should be. God bless him, he done good.

After all the drama, It's hospitalization and subsequent dementia, all the changes we've experienced, he graduated. At least, as of now, he's qualified to live in a trailer in Arkansas. Now let's improve on that. Never thought I'd see this day. One day, I hope he appreciates it's importance. Milestones matter. of course all he cares about is summer freedom, to which I reply-and this is different from what you did all year in what way?

We got home, It went to get It's hair done. Now think: ummm...graduation...major life moment, and get the hair done??? So I hadda go to work, picked him up after school, dinner and a flick-Transformers. Hadda do SOMETHING, we had a blast! Love him, makes everything worthwhile. Hope It's hair falls out, selfish bitch.

wow

tomorrow, Keith becomes a man. No, not THAT, nothing getting cut off, 8th grade graduation. Wow. I remember mine, was a real big deal. These days, too many delinquents don't even go, they don't know what they're missing. I'm very proud. After all the drama, all the mental fall-out, all the screaming and cursing, he made it. Nice. AND his urine was negative!!!!! Yay! Wouldn't it suck to have positive urine tonight?

St.Francis again this am. Didn't think I'd get it in-was raining again, yes, again. Not one friggin' day dry. Got the run in, working @ my desk for a bit, then, mid morning, POW!!! More rain. But got my 6 + in. Then tonight, core training. THAT was odd, was just the instructor and I for the first half of the class-others were running REALLY late. GREAT for me-had a private class. Lots of planks.

.....for whatever kind of problem I've got, just plug the right formula in..............

40 days and 40 nights

so far so good, woke up, no rain, St.Francis in the am, got my 6.5 in. Nice. Knees holding up, feeling good, no rain....

Came home, took Spike to see Year One, we leave the theater, and...you guessed it. FUCK!!! 18 of the past 22 days. Jeeeeez. @ least got my run in.

STILL glad I worked the Open. When you experience all that shit upclose, it's priceless-despite the mud. How many can say they had a brush with grapeness? How many can sday they know The Black Course intimately? With access to everything? Cool. WAY cool.

.....the hardest to learn was the least complicated.

sooooooo close!!!

St.Francis this am, yummmmm. Felt soooo good to be back. No rain, cool temps, perfect.

All the buzz @ work about The Open, traded stories etc.....

Then...on the way home...RAIN!!!! NOT FUNNY LUCY!!!!!

Keith's graduation Thursday, hope Shebitch can keep it together. Enough traumatizing life moments for Spike, let's let graduation be festive.

***New pix below

Father's Day

a.k.a. "why I could give LESS than a shit about people's opinions."

Well, Father's Day is at its close, and Keith has spent the weekend @ his brotherfromanothermother's. Good for him-he needs to spend time with peers-much less a peer whom he respects and is a good example for him. But not having him here hurts. The fair we attended since he was old enough to walk is here, and he isn't, THAT hurt.

But what REALLY affects me is: Shebitch has been behaving. Now, do the math, Keith isn't here, It behaves. Keith isn't here, I feel a hole in my soul. Hmmmmm. Think It has a lack of parenting skills which sends It into a rage spiral? Easier to blame me for whatever, than to accept one's own limitations. From talking with peeps, it turns out this is common-spouses often do this to their spouses-blame hub and bitch incessantly.

I look @ Fathers and Sons who do stuff together, and envy that. Forgetting that part of that scene is a supportive spouse. Instead, I'm stuck with mental chaos of the day. Tough to undertake anything with your son when basic life's necessities aren't attended to: shopping, cleaning etc....

Now, why the comment about people's opinions? Know when you're told "people are saying," or better, "some folks are saying_____about you." I know when I act, whatever occurs is from my heart with no agenda, thus cannot be wrong. Sometimes this involves tough choices. So, whenever those words are uttered, I know it's dysfunction and chalk it up to the person saying it's illness. Having a son is the best thing that ever happened, but it hurts on days like this when I KNOW all I get is shit. G is watching, G knows what the score is, and that must suffice.

No card(s), no cologne, no tie, nothing. So it goes......Hope he one day realizes I could have been selfish and left It, thus leaving him with mental bitch. Even if he never does, it doesn't matter. Just do the right thing, no matter what others say, or do, or don't do.

So it goes.......

WHEW!!!

was starting to get that Pigpen feeling: wherever I go, mud/dirt follows.

This am, MORE f-ing rain!!! @ that point I was fed up, wasn't taking "no" for an answer. I was going running. Only question was where? Either the NYRR 5m in The Park, or the Ray Downey Forever Running in Deer Park. Opted for staying local-glad I did.

Did well, again, with David Duval as my hero, Joe Cool, Mr. "I can turn it on when I choose to," I couldn't fail-rain or not.

Did day of reg, hate it, but hey, whatever. Nice tech shirts. Flat 5k, see if I could push and break 9. I did. I'm happy.

Nice, relatively flat, asphalt. By race time, the rain stopped, YAY!!!!! So, how'd my running shoes get muddy-they made you walk to a corral to FIRST get your bib checked, THEN gave you the shirt. I told 'em to have the volunteers check the bib while under the tents-rocket science???

Sun is out-let's see how long this lasts. Bethpage was resuming play @ 12. The ground was THAT saturated. No wonder Tiger's off, he couldn't ever get his groove on. Amazing what happens when you're off your center-but we know how THAT is don't we?

***Happy Father's Day to us!!! We know how tough it is, AND how worthwhile.


...now you say 'oh Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him.....'

get a grip

one more word about a race not appearing in our newsletter and I'm gonna scream. Get a grip. People seriously need a life. Like anyone has a right to expect anything?????
Better yet is when people overreact, much less react. Really. Blows my mind. Too much drama, lace up and run already. Long ago I learned never to expect anything from anyone, that doing so is a setup for negativity, need I say more? Likewise, people seem to need to hold onto excuses to be resentful. Life is too short. These are the things that years from now we wonder "what were we mad at???" "how did we let things get to this?" Love people, remember love? A race didn't appear in a newsletter, like it really friggin' matters? My son growing up normally, THAT matters. Shebitch's premature morbidity?, THAT matters. What good I can do for my patients, THAT matters. Printing something somewhere-or not, irrelevant.

And today's moment? Guess who has Pret's butt: Amy Mickelson. There I am, minding my own beeswax-walking 'round the course, and Phil's wife is there, I noticed her butt. People sending their best wishes, she said she'd pass them on to Phil. She IS a sweetheart, but, what people forget is this IS his second wife. As soon as he made it big he got divorced and married trophy wife. Memories are short. Is it a tragedy? yes, but I wonder what wife #1 is thinking?

Jim Furyk carrying his own bag from player parking to the putting green-cool. Regular guy. HE is what everyone thinks Phil is. David Duval, a.k.a. Joe Cool, in contention. For years he'd been saying he still had it, now he proves it. How can you NOT love a guy who admits he plays on the pro tour to fund his snowboarding? LOVE that!!! Critics on his case all the while. Heavily identify with him. If I wanted to could I break 8 minutes consistently? Yes. Would I want to train THAT hard that I didn't enjoy what I was doing? No. Would I want to be forced into days, possibly weeks off? No.

Was supposed to work the 3rd shift, 3pm to closing. Nope. No way. Hung out all day, then boogied. Not getting involved in late crowds mud. And now that I'm home, the sun comes out. No, you can't write stuff this good.


***5:13 pm, pouring. OK, maybe I made the right choice. :)

it CAN happen

you know, that shining yellow thing, what do you call it....oh yes...THE SUN!!!

FINALLY came out, now I know how Noah felt. All day was asking the workers "dry yet?"

Tiger seems out of it after one round, David Duval is actually doing surprisingly well. Who'd a thunk it? Love him-openly admitted he plays on the PGA tour to underwrite his snowboarding habit. Love him!!!

As for Tiger, he's 4 over, which here, is actually good. Last time he won here he was the only player to par.

AMAZING crowds-despite the mud and shit weather, when I left 'round 3:30, busses were STILL piling in!!! Wow. Our toughest jobs today were keeping the cart from overturning, sliding down mudpaths (kept calling it "extreme golf," or "welcome to Woodstock '09.") People would NOT get out of the way, walking like fucking zombies. But the good part, among many, was they take VERY good care of us: not the fancy food of last time;today: fruit, bagels, fresh coffee, water, and massages-cool! And we got lunch vouchers for a burger or a whatever-which the majority of us never use-bagels and fruit suffice.

Today's brush with grapeness: David Duval, Phil Mickelson, Fred Funk. Delivering water to the T boxes (and this was an unending task with the warm temps) got you totally close to the players. Uber cool. Had Slocum wave us through (we cut across the fairway on 13 to get to the T box), how often do you get a pro helping???

Manana my last shift, then Sunday the Father's Day 5m. Be nice to get back to running, but with the lifting, got my workouts in. And what's predicted through Monday??? Don't EVEN say it.

my brush with grapeness

a.k.a. sticktoitiveness pays off.

Woke up, jumped into the veeeeeeeehicle, headed to Jones Beach where you're bussed to The Open. Worker parking is @ Farmingdale, but, YOU park in the mud in the middle of POURING rain.

(get the feeling SOMEONE didn't run this am?)

Can't find the Volunteer check in trailer anywhere, and no one seems to know. @ this point I'm ready to leave but...hey...Shebitch is home. Bethpage in pouring rain beats one second with It.

Watch the pros on the putting green, then the driving range.

Look some more for the trailer, finally found it-near The Clubhouse. Check in, it's a downpour, Tiger just teed off-'round 8:06. Met the shift supervisor, @ which point nothing's happening. I'm WAY early for my 10-3:30 shift. Hang in the trailer, watching golf channel, loving the irony.

Before to long, play is called-inclement weather-in other words: FUCKING RAIN!!! First spritzes, then momentum picked up, finally soaking "Cow Harborish" weather. Most players got in 5 or 6 holes. So there we are, hanging in the trailer, watching ESPN and The Golf Channel. After 5 hours, @ 1:30, the USGA Comish calls play for the day-the rain just kept getting stronger, with no end in sight-you really expected to see frogs jumping out of the cups.

So, after 5 hours, what did we have to show for it? We hung out, they ate (too early for me), lots of laughs, hey-male bonding. It WAS fun. But enough, when he called play for the day finally I left.

So there I am, among the throng trying to get out, organized chaos-I end up in an area I didn't belong in: the player parking lot. Making matters worse, I'm walking directly in front of The Clubhouse, from which the pros exit to get into their veeeeeehicle. Who cuts across the path, no possee, no caddy, just him??? Yep, Tiger. Wow I was as close to him as you are to your computer screen. Being wuick on my feet (not THAT crass, couldn't ask for an autograph) I made eye contact, said "tomorrow Tiger," he nodded. Voila, my brush with grapeness. One of the guys made the comment of "he always looks mad," some call it focus, but he truly looks so focused that he never appears happy unless he's holding a trophy. Kind'a sad. Removes the whole "enjoy the journey" from the equation.

If I'd not gone in_the thought DID blow my mind to blow it off, I never would'a run into him. If I'd left early-the boss offered to let us go whenever we wanted as long as he had a skeleton crew in the unlikely event that play resumed-I never would'a run into him. Wow. Just wow.

deja vu?

Concert still affecting me, was REALLY fun. Packed, everyone boogying, amazing people and amazing music. Well done. What added was the fact that it's not quite insect season. Truly memorable.

*** Doesn't hurt that I didn't let "the bastards get me down," i.e. Shebitch bogarted the tix-intercepted the mail-no worries, just buy more. Fuck 'em!!!

Went to NYC to surprise Pret, THAT didn't work, called, left messages, texted. So it goes...

Saw "Moon," amazing movie. Kind'a like an updated 2001, but better. One for the MUST see list.

St.Francis this am-from the looks of things might be the last run of the week. Core training tonight. Felt good. Gotta work it kiddies!!!

it CAN happen

we actually CAN have one day without rain!!!

GREAT concert, we got there @ 4:20, 10 mins before the gates opened. Lined up, not a bad line at all-maybe 100metres. They searched our stuff, I'm amazed they let you bring shit in. We got a good spot on the bleachers, sat, ate, shmoozed, did some games they have there, spun a wheel, won some shit, then the opening act started. When they say 6, they meant it. Did the standard 45 minute set, he actually was very good. I'm shocked. Got the audience to sing along to Journey's "Just a small town boy..." funny.

Then they came on. Wow. By this time the place was packed, and good. GREAT venue, beautiful night, great crowd. Even did a Dire Straights song: Romeo n' Juliet. Thought of Pret, got teary. One encore, but not my song, "Uncomplicated," oh well, just gotta see 'em again. Played over 2 hours, amazing.

Got the 9:42 to Toxichouse, in time for the 11pm repeat of rescue me.

Beautiful night.

LUCY!!!!!

pulled the football away AGAIN!!!

Day 1 of my week off, started with St.Francis, 'natch. Made it to the turn around feeling good, crisp cool morning-59 degs. Then, what's that? A sprinkle. No biggie, up the hill, toward the school, more than a sprinkle. Make the turn around, DAMN!!! Got me again. SOAKED. And it continued until a few minutes ago. Got my run in, did great time wise, but shit I HATE rain.

...of course NOW the sky is blue and birds are chirping.

Would I have changed a thing? No. Would've cancelled the run if it were raining as I left, rolled over, slept, then kicked myself for a missed opportunity. Things happen EXACTLY as they should.

STILL feeling great from Bill's Birthday 1m yesterday (and the irony of it being held where it was). Is that cool or what? Of course, I'm a bit annoyed some usual suspects weren't there, but again, priorities (?). What a delightful way to note such an important day in a runner's life. Dunno if I'll be running @ that age, if I even reach it.

Niiiice!!!!!

did the Bill Benson 1m Birthday run. REALLY nice. I can't even imagine anyone doing such a thing for me, but the GLIRC people were uber cool. Rob, Tom, Helen and I represented.

Now you gotta imagine: about a hundred people wearing identical shirts, led by the lead bike, with Bill in front. Wow. THIS is what it's all about.

Helped Polansky set up, beautiful setting-used to hang with Debbie there. And best of all-everyone wore #90 bibs!!! REALLY cool.

This is especially notable in view of the morning: rain, then cleared. Got my St.Francis in though-thank G.

Now this week" Bethpage. YAY!!!! Run in the am, golf for the rest of the day. Throw in some meaningless sex and it would be perfect.

Wed, the concert. Can't wait. THIS will be a fun week, rain or shine.


***GREAT food this eve: six foot heroes by the mile, all sorts. Yummmmm.

awaaaaaaaaay we go!!!!

the week off is on!!!!

Did the NYRR 10k, did ok. Finished the run, didn't kick ass, didn't die. Other runners complained of having "no gas," they were right, it was HUMID!!!!! Not really that hot, but the kinda race you wished had started an hour (or more!!!) earlier. Still, a good training run in Central Park. Anything under an hour @ that point is good. Easiest comparison, if that's approximately my daily run which i drag out to an hour and a quarter, under an hour is good-ahead of 52% of other runners.

Not sure whether I'll do the Bill Benson Birthday 1m manana. Sounds like fun, but too late 5:30?


***p.s.: guess who I ran with (@ least for the start of the run?) Warwick Ford and his wife. Cool. Never know who you're gonna run into!

nice

did better than I thought I'd do yesterday @ Eisenhower. Not too shabby.

Hadda go to the Nokia Theater box office to buy another set of tix for the concert 6-16, Ticketmaster sent the original set to Toxichouse. Gee, wonder what happened to THEM???? So, bought another set. Being married to Shebitch is getting more expensive.
Fuck it, can't let it get me down.

***Taking of Pelham 1, 2, 3: really good. Gives you a feeling for the city I love. Moving to lung island was a huge error, but it is what it is. The city is in me, always will be. LOVED the shots of MTA etc... Not as good as the original, but amazing.

ahhh, just like old times

did the Lerner Police 5k @ Eisenhower tonight. Dif course, but still a 5k @ Eisenhower. Felt good to be back there. Saw the Long Island usual suspects, given new meaning as they know I joined GLIRC. Sue, Lock, and Vince were there, proudly wearing the green. We did well. Nice cool night, light spritz, earlier heavy rain, but it passed-for now.

Deb is doing the Wed series, reminds me of when I was addicted to Wednesdays there. Nice for speed workouts. REALLY like the core training though, gotta mix it up.

Week's almost done, then....next week...THE OPEN!!! Yay!!! Excited. And 6-16, the concert. Really is shaping up to be a fantastic week.

turn the page

was @ MATC again today, hadda babysit the facility while the vultures came to strip it of remaining furnishings. Wow. And today, it was only me there. Took some time as soon as I got there to let the eeerie sink in, was waiting for Hitchcock to turn a corner or Stephen King to come down one of the halls. Cried a little. We really did amazing things there, back when people gave a shit about something besides themselves. Them days is gone peeps. For most people at least, never for me.

St.Francis this am, core training this pm. Felt GREAT. J.W.T.D.O.

What affects me most is this: back when I was an embryo, there was someone to look up to, who's left to use as a role model? THAT'S the part that scares me. Are WE the role models??? God help us all.

a little part of me died today

boss in hospital, he was supposed to go to Manhattan to host a sister facility picking up furniture etc.....so I got stuck with the task. Was odd, very odd.

Took a tour of the site, deserted, debris left behind as though people left in the process of imminent ttack. Not the way I'd want to leave my mark. Embarassing really.

During the walk through, relived old memories of the offices I'd spent years in. Wow, when I was an embryo really. Even found something I'd stuck on a wall that apparently, 14 years and many staff later, no one had thought to remove. Yes, I pried it off. Memories of a happier time when we were together as a staff, more concerned with rendering treatment than our own selfish needs.

Katherine Santiago Vazquez
Mark Lancet
Jack Crowley
Dr.Finger
Dr.Kwak
Dr.gutierrez
Nurse Kassim
Nurse Grace Larode
Danary Osorio
Vivian Nunez
Arthur Covello
Peter Dory
Pablo Mercado
Christopher Tavella
Mary Devine
Victor Ortiz
Edward Green
Neville Halstead
Ronald Lewis
Kenneth Lee
Darryl Lee, r.i.p.
Miguel Morales
Lee Olivieri
Wilson Medina
Raymond Cortez
Aida Dominguez
Vera Ward
Pamela Nesbitt
Barbara Duzant
Beverly Butler
Barbara Ashley
Marciana Sperling
Nelson Agundo
Elliot Vazquez
Marvia Voorhees
Carmen Johnson
***The Intake Coordinator who first caught my eye when we did a field visit as CAC students, urged me to follow my goal, and in my second year there, died of HIV. Bless you and thank you.

I was born there as an adult, really born there. Cut my teeth there, became the person I am now there. And now it's gone. How fitting I should get the director's office there in these circumstances, and the director's office @ Creedmoor under THOSE circumstances. Wow.

Pouring rain this morning, fitting.

ain't THAT a kick in the head!!!

guess who's an acting Director? Got a call this am, the boss had blood in his stool, he's in hospital. Guess who's h.n.o.c. now? Hopefully Albany sees this as bidness as usual on the unit (with me there, he's chillaxes), and when he retires the gig'll be mine.

THAT was the "good news," not that his being ill is good, THAT sucks, but the possibilities it opens are good. What hurts is the loss of your heroes. Remember when you first realized your parents weren't perfect? Same thing. When he started breaking my balls needlessly on evals, the writing was on the wall, now that there's no one on site to look up to/lean on: Steve dies years ago, boss is being weird/is in hospital, Albany calls the sickest fucker on the unit to take care of bidness. Nice to be wanted, but it would also be nice to have a peep to lean on. So it goes...
And yes, came back to Toxichouse to have Shebitch ranting-lost It's keys-AGAIN. Fucking brain dead. And yes, of course I was blamed. (I THINK I'm getting blamed for those hungry Ethiopians as well, more when the UN rules on that one).

St.Francis this am, was GREAT to be back home. Yes, even the birds sang.

***Vermont pix @ the bottom!

3 for 3

did the NHP 8k, a.k.a. "almost 5m." HOT as a motherfucker. But glad I did it. Rob Shapiro, Eric, and I repped the green. Others were @ the Riverside Ramble, still others recovering from yesterday's Wounded Warrior, the rest @ the Mini 10k. Wow. We had lots of bases covered. The weather was oppressively hot, I was glad as some of the people who take pride in beating me (!?) were slower than my pace. Hee hee. I'm not fast, but I am strong and consistent enough to maintain the same pace-within a second or so-for an entire marathon.

Pathetic showing @ NHP re: clubs. Just them-of course-as volunteers, us, and one or two from GLIRC. No blue people at all. Pathetic. And people are expected to show for 6-14? I was even asked why their run wasn't mentioned in our newsletter. You gotta be kidding.

Saw Pret @ The Parkhouse, kept running, passed me and the truck. Odd. Could'a done the NHP. I give up trying to make sense of anything. All I know: I did well, our club got props, as well we should.

the end is in sight

did the YAI 5k in The Park. Must've been an odd day @ The Parkhouse, the rest of the Wearers of the Green @ the Wounded Warrior today or resting for manana's 2 races.

Perfect morning for a run, why I chose the YAI? It's NOT a NYRR run, though most of the usual suspects are there. It's fun to run in Central Park. Plain and simple. AND, with the YAI peeps there, there's crowd support every 5 yards. They really show up en masse.

Went back to The Parkhouse to look for Pret, nope. Oh well.

Went to see The Hangover, hilarious. Then back to Toxichouse where Shebitch went Satanic yet again-keep forgetting to set foot only AFTER It leaves for work-hey, I'm an optimist.

Tonight: Keith gets tested again. Following an exciting day of doing absolutely nothing while It tans in the backyard (yes, after cancer surgery, tanning, and doing NOTHING with your overweight son who sits indoors and watches tv-as the dogshit in the yard grows exponentially.). And you still wonder why I avoid this place?

***He's negative! FINALLY.

...another year over...and what have you done

still can't get over the relatively painless meeting last night. Wow.

It's been a year since the convergence of the masses-the closest local clubs will have to getting together-the NHP 8k. AP will be there, NHP of course, Quantum? Gone their seperate ways. I miss them. But it goes to show what happens when you lose focus. Cohesion goes, club goes, poof. This time last year they were still in the loop-sort of. Sucks for them.

Fun tonight-yes, even in the fucking rain. Really hit me hard, the ICS reunion being postponed, but that meant I got to do one of my fave little 5k's, the CPA's run. Time sucked, but it was fun. Time would've been better, but there were no mile markers, you didn't know when to shoot your load. Oh well, had a blast! a wet blast, but a blast!

NOT FUNNY LUCY!!!

(ya' know when Charlie Brown goes to kick the football and Lucy ALWAYS pulls it away just as he goes to kick it?)

The 20 year ICS reunion is off, to cope I signed up for the CPA's For A Cause as I always do-a yearly regular rotation run, guess what??? RAIN!!! FUCK! Rain this am, downpours-good-needed to rest anyway, but tomorrow for the race??? Not funny G!

Tonight: bored meeting, membership meeting. AND, they didn't suck! Expected the usual: BIG fights-it was the meeting to discuss the proceeds from our race. First, the speakers-authors of Fun on Foot in New york: the speakers were great, the club sold the books, they sold out. NICE!!! Then, a painless discussion of how to divi up the $$$. Wow. Freakin' wow. AND I won the 50/50!!!!!!!

Moral of the story: After Shebitch went Satanic last night, G took care of me. Many thanks.

no, you CAN'T make this stuff up

come back to Toxichouse, my mail sitting in a pool of water on the counter. When I take exception to this, I'm labeled a grumpy old man. Keith's room: keyboard and stand collapsed on the floor, which you can't see due to the crap covering it. Went ballistic. Icing on the cake: had a card on the kitchen counter the staff gave me for bosses' day. It's nowhere to be found. Nice. Really nice. Oh, and the last time It did ANYTHING with Keith? Right, Aruba. Really good @ criticising, not so good at actually doing anything. Last time Hulk was walked? Don't ask.

St.Francis this am, core training this pm. Didn't think I'd fit the run in-when I left the house, it was POURING. But, when I got to the job, misty. YAY!!!!! Got my run on at least. Then this eve, ab work. Thank God. At least I can do SOMETHING without 'roidal interference.

Is it EVER gonna stop raining?????

day 2

More St.Francis. This is the silly season-5k's on the weekends, so longer dailies.

One sad note: the 20 year ICS reunion is off. Victim of the economy. Was crushed for a bit, then got over it, can't change what you can't change, but was really looking forward to seeing my kids.

back to bidness

St.Francis this am, back to it. GREAT to be there. Got the miles in on a crisp, clear morning. Felt really good.

Film crew setting up pre dawn-the Angelina Jolie flick is in town, directly across from The Parkhouse/in front of Creedmoor.

STILL pissed I didn't get to play yesterday, but gotta be a parent. The bbq was a blast, but Keith kept looking @ the time. Didn't wanna subject him to boredom, he had his fill of the peeps. Would'a been fun all of us singing/trying to. Another time.

THIS is the kinda crap that pisses me off. Remember yesterday? Keith had no idea where It went? Turns out It left for the beach, left Keith alone all day. Thank G I took him to the movies Fri and the bbq yesterday. I would've LOVED to have hung with the peeps, the party was just getting started when we split ('round 7:20). These are the things he'll never appreciate until he becomes a parent. For this It will roast in hell.

Hadda boogie asap home this pm, it's THAT time: the lawn was getting "dogshit high," i.e. tall enough that you can't see dogpoop. With all the rain last week, hadda do it today-showers predicted for manana thry Thursday-and you KNOW they'll erupt juuuuuust as I take the mower out.