Day 1933

Coincidence?

Bitch breezes in, rages, blows out. I'm pissed It bogarted a $350 check It has zero right to. Hit a meeting, who shakes my hand? A former client. He said my facility changed his life. Nice. Really lets you know what's important.

Enjoy the money Bitch. You have $350 you have no right to, but you're still a Bitch. I changed a life.

This just in

Property tax rebate?

Long Island homeowners were mailed a $350 check. Hmmmmm, wonder where THAT went? To the person who pays the mortgage? Of course not. To the person who cannot do shit and cannot take responsibility for anything? Hmmmmmmm.

This, as the kitchen counter-going on 3 days, is sticky as shit.

Wonder where THAT $$$ went? Kohl's charge? Unique ("shopping is my hobby.")? Pay for Its car in the neighbor's driveway????? Pay for a new back door? Of course not, it's getting pissed away. GuaranFUCKINGtee it.

Free money. Must be nice.

Day 1932

:)

Did The Bronx 10m. Remembering George Sheehan "wherever there is a runner, I have a friend," I parked. Lo and behold (as though finding parking near Yankee stadium wasn't miracle enough), 30 mins before the race the guy behind me pulls out. there's always a few stragglers who DON'T get up predawn, and @ the last minute find a spot. Lo and behold, the guy was doing the race. Lo and behold we ran together (that's guy code for "we kept each other in sight," guys don't get that close). @ the end, we hooked up back at our vehicles! Spoke for a bit, agreed to meet later for lunch.

As if that wasn't cool enough, met my nyrr peep, guy always takes pix of me. REALLY a kind soul.

Wait, it got better, Bitch out all night, AGAIN! The house was a home!!!!!!

Got a call from Pret to close the day.

Oh yes, did well @ the run, just over 10 mins. Nice medal too!

Day 1931

Today will be GREAT!

Doing The Bronx 10m, then hangin' with my Make Believe Friends @ the cabin. Nice!

Bitch? Out. Blew in to rage, drag laundry through the den, basically, be a mental bitch. Then, didn't come back. NICE!!!!!!!

62 degs, weather PERFECT!

Predictable

a.k.a. same old bullshit.

Yesterday: breaking balls about the garage. Today? The den, i.e. everything would be easier if we had a washer and dryer...where? OF COURSE in my den! (who the FUCK puts a washer and dryer in a den? Especially when there's no water line??? As its car sits in the neighbor's yard for yet ANOTHER week. Keep that focus babe).

Now, remember. I told it-repeatedly-that NOT balancing a load makes the washing machine dance around the basement. Did It listen? No. Of course, everything is someone/something ELSE'S fault. amazing. So, the washer we DO have is (of course) broken. did It make any attempt to have it repaired? Of course not, easier to whine/bitch/displace. And the dryer? Who fucking cares. Put it in the same trash heap as the oven (another appliance It broke, but somehow, it's the machine's fault).

This, from the same person who had the responsibility of supervising the asphalt repaving of the driveway. Which is now pitched TO the house rather than away. THIS from the same person who blames cheap carpet (over $1,000 cost) for it buckling. Yes, It was supervising that installation as well-while I was working. Tell you, the individual is INCAPABLE  of doing anything to completion.

Oh yes, world hunger would also be solved if the washer and dryer were in the den.

Amazing.

Should'a, could'a, would'a.

As it trudges bags of dirty laundry through the den.Why? When the front door is steps closer? Because It is involved. You forgot?

Let's see what bullshit romorrow brings? Oh yes, I'm spending the day with my make believe friends.

Day 1930

S.O.S.

GREAT am, got my miles. Cool and crisp. Was especially nice as I got up late (r) than usual (6), late night. So, got my miles, met my peeps, saw a flick, then Toxichouse. Crucial error. It was home, tanning (what ELSE would a cancer person be doing???).

House is a mess, dogshit in the grass, it sits, tanning. After cancer.....

I hadda do the inevitable, had been postponing the grass for as long as I could (last cut before winter), but since the time was right, hadda do it.

It tells me LIPA called re: tree trimming.

So, understand, it sits, doesn't do shit, and tells me something needs to be done.

Same old shit.

And no, the piles of shit aren't moved, at all.

But we tanned!!!!!

Then It has the balls to ask what my work hours are? I responded: "what are yours?"

...But I need counseling.....

Day 1929

:)

Sometimes you just gotta....

Sucks that I never got a summer, but what the fuck. At least I have a life I can be proud of (take note Shebitch).

A very good week. Case in point. yesterday I waiting, got a phone call from Charlie, ignored it. then his boss Rob. Dayum. Guess the news of my resignation didn't reach them yet. I explained, they understood, they were really cool. Stand up guys.

I say "sometimes you just gotta," because initially it was difficult. In a year full of transitions, bidding them adieu wasn't easy. Would'a been easier ignoring them, but it wouldn't have been right.

Again, Shebitch, take note. It's called "responsibility." Unlike what I found when I came in last night. My stuff, again, fucked with. It needed a bag, so guess from whence it came? My stuff uncovered. Just gotta fuck with my things.

I'm happy with who I am, it would'a been easier doing as It does. Ignoring the matter, or better: blaming others. But no. Gotta do the right thing.

THAT's called "sobriety." Rather than talk about it, some of us live it.

But I need counseling.......

Day 1928

It worked!!!!!

Knee was KILLING me, was really afraid I'd havta take days off. So, hit the asphalt. Sure enough, it worked! Maybe shit hadda pop back into place. All I know, the knee has been trouble free since!

Ran into Tom (one of those "Make Believe Friends"). Did my run, saw his truck on the grounds of the old gig. Spoke with him. Nice.

Back to Toxichouse, Shebitch moving piles (good luck with that). And yes, the pile in the bedroom hasn't moved. See the blog for pix. Got over a thousand hits on that alone.

But I need counseling.....................

Day 1927

This doesn't suck!

Went to a meeting literally 3 blocks from Toxichouse-hadda, when I entered Stoney n' a peep were on the couch. Place reeked of smoke. Add that to Shebitch pulling in just as I was, fuck that. split, hit a meeting. When I entered, there was ONE person there. By the time the meeting ended, 6 of us. Perfect. a Living Sober (remember what that was like before your sleeping pills Bitch?) meeting. VERY good.

This am, 50 degs, going up to 75, perfect! Then, up to the cabin!

Day 1926

Sunshine!!!

This week is really shaping up. no rain in the forecast, getting my miles, "no sweat weather." Why "no sweat?" Cool temps in the am-around-so running is perfect!

Best of all, when I come home, It's sleeping. Not a peep. Nice.

Day 1925

Score!!!!!

Woke up Sun, raining. no prob. Remembered the past: rain in one place does NOT equal rain in another. So, off I went. Hit Queens, no rain!!!!!!! Nice! The club had its refreshment run, I (naturally) was finishing as they were starting. Brotherfromanothermother and his wife were walking. Funny, they show up only for the refreshment run. Can't afford insurance, yet can pay for races, whatever. Anyway, did my run, saw my peeps.

Lo and behold, texted re: housewarming! Rob and Helen. Really nice, THAT is what a house looks like. You know, people who actually give a shit! Not one person who cleans what the others ignore, not people subverting every effort to keep a place together. Two people who give a fuck. Take note Mental One!

Had a great time with my make believe friends.

Woke up, Psycho was out! Nice.

Stoney was sleeping, woke up briefly to use the bathroom. Great kid. Only concerned re: wassup w/college? But, since It SCREAMED @ me when I tried managing his homework, I detached. See the result? It needs to spend more time in the sun and the beach, apparently cancer wasn't enough. Don't clean, ignore your home, lie in the sun as dogshit scent fills the air. Don't lift a finger, spend all your time running the only person in the house who actually accomplished anything's name in the ground. THAT'S what JEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZUS would do? Good sobriety! Tell your friends. Oh right, they believe anything. Tell 'em about the piles of shit all over the house, as you critique MY shit. (especially love the attack on the locked boxes in the den. Ever wonder WHY they're locked? Ever wonder WHY Bitch magically had a bunch of my t shirts? Unless of course it magically worked @ CATC or wore size large Led Zep shirts. Of course none of that gets mentioned, only the stuff in the den-as chair frames rust in the driveway-after sitting there for years.). Amazing.

I had a great Sunday, Monday will likewise be positive.

Day 1924

This just in!

How does a cool day get cooler?

When I pulled in, Bitch had some old person in Its car. It pulled out. Last It was seen since. Guess it spent the night. Yes kiddies, I actually had a peaceful evening!!!

Would'a been nice to have Stoney home, but he's 19. he's gotta do what he gots'ta do! When I woke up he was sleeping on its bed/aka: the broken couch in the living room.

A very good Saturday!

This am? Showers off and on, let's try to get a run in!

Day 1923

VERY nice

Got a great call yesterday, the peep who got me in the last gig. Helluva guy. Reconnected with him this am. THEN, a run with football dad.

Makes the various transitions easier. Going from the last gig to today is a beautiful thing. Nice to have met so many GREAT peeps along the way, not just business related. And with this gig, nearly everyone with whom I come into contact is real. Nice. AND, the weather is great as well.

And it all started with a run....................

Day 1922

:)/:(

Jeeez! Real yin/yang hap'nin'!

Had a GREAT day! Got my miles, then spent the day with my "make believe friends" @ the cabin.

Unfortunately, that's where it ended.

Into Toxichouse, Stoney first asks me not to touch "his" peanut butter on the shelf in the kitchen (fine don't use MY electricity, don't use MY cable as you live in the house I pay for), after he drinks coffee from MY cup. He enters the living room mumbling about my having health insurance. Really?

How's College?

Driving?

Contribute to the 4 walls and roof in which you reside?

Eat some peanut butter, enjoy it.

And Shebitch? After training him with this script, not a peep. Of course not. THAT would be...what's the word..."Parenting?" What's that commandment about respecting thy father and...oh yeah! We only TEACH that shit!

Got my miles, had a GREAT day.

...Funny, never a peep about "you know dad, you haven't had a vacation in years." "You know dad, the world had a summer, you were too busy assuring we have a place to live and the bills got paid."
Nope.

But finger pointing we have down to a science.

Day 1921

Well done!

Bumped into a peep while getting my miles in the am. He's like a Jewish me, literally. We think alike, act alike etc.....The only dif: he has a family who gives a fuck, and he eats. So, we were running in opposite directions, we eventually hooked up. He thought my pace was good! From him, high praise. This is one competitive person. Nice. We are our own worst judges-runners are never happy with their performance-and with the shit I get @ home, really validates ya (run multiple marathons, lose a ton of weight,. have the mementos of these accomplishments thrown to the ground. Oh, by the way, those walls are still bare. Real homemaker isn't It? Must've been REALLY important to make those items disappear from the wall. Psycho. The icing on the cake, you can hurl my belongings to the ground, but you'll still be a bitch).  Today God put the right person (literally) in my path.

Oh,and Shebitch's car? (going on 3 months) STILL in the neighbor's driveway.

But I need counseling.

Live laugh love!

Day 1920

Typical

Good day, then came into Toxichouse, all WAS well. Stoney on the computer, Hulk @ his side.

Later, It bursts in, complaining, negative, bitching. It, of course, plans nothing, goes shopping w/o a list, w/o checking what's in the fridge. So, naturally, there's no room. This in turn-from the queen of displacement-turns into my interrogation, a la: "why do you have this here?" Never mind chair frames in the driveway, rescued from garbage, sans pillows, rusting, that have been there (literally) for 6 years. Nevermind an apparent college dropout (he's enjoying his life, and that's good. BUT, remember the "you HAVE to pay for college" bullshit? If I had the funds, would it have made a difference? If anyone REALLY gave a fuck, rather than-again-placing all responsibility on someone else-would he be in session? Nope.)

That's put aside in lieu of pointing-as usual-all aggression @ me.

Remember It took computer classes (in yet another attempt to do anything BUT stay in and clean the house or cook, you know, MOTHERLY/PARENTING type shit). Were those classes ever put to use (i.e. helping Stoney online apply for loans?)? AND, if he's on the computer almost 12 hours a day, he couldn't do so himself? No, easier to point @ the guy who went to work daily for 24 years, paid every bill, whose benefits saved your life.

Typical example: incessantly buys in store cooked fried chicken. A lot easier than actually cooking. Or, buy pizza, or taco bell, or (best of all) have the King call and place his take out order and bring it to him. God bless him, he has It well trained. (more $ to smoke away).

Good thing Uncle Pete sent $ for books.

But I need counseling.

I get my miles, I'm good.

Retirement is VERY good.

Enjoy reading this, I love writing it. (privacy? boundaries? Not in THIS house. Here the child is the parent). Respect? They know not how to spell it. Live like animals.

Day 1919

Back to it!

After spending WAY too much time off (a day) back into the fray! Get my miles in this am, then see what the day brings.

Re: yesterday. No, I have no privacy. Obviously it and Stoney monitor all my actions on the computer (the result of not having a life nor respect for boundaries), yet it claims I have boundary issues? Honey, you're not that important. also, you have nothing of interest to anyone. Don't flatter yourself! (this from the same person who accused me of stealing mail? Remember The Beginning? When I lept from its car after lowering the sun visor? What fell out? My Amex bill! Opened! Causing a $75 late fee???? Bitch. Of course It'll never bring that up). Pure fucking psycho.

I'll get my miles, life is good.

Make THIS make sense

Someone who contributes NOTHING, cannot speak without making me the object of their displaced anger over a wasted life, a professional victim, gets pissed @ me for not keeping them up to snuff re: what I do everyday.

Yes, It IS a psycho.

Goes out, does laundry, stops back in for long enough to call me a liar for not keeping It up to speed (Namecalling? Really? Grow the fuck up).

Does It EVER tell me what it's doing? Yet demands to know what I'm up to?

And, you havta wonder how It knows?

Hope it enjoys reading this.

But you know, I need counseling.............................that's psychospeak for "thank you for paying every bill despite my not cooking nor cleaning, nor frankly not doing a damned thing. Yet, I'll do everything to undermine you in your sons eyes."

The good news: the God it claims to teach about in religion (now THAT'S funny) knows wassup.

All Its friends who take my inventory, a very one sided inventory? They clean, they cook, they are spouses. Somehow, that never gets translated.

Day 1918

TGIF?

With my retirement gig, Sunday ends the work week, so, today is odd. Getting used to it. Also, suddenly, same hours, less net pay? WTF? My health benefits are now deducted. Good. This way, if something hits the fan, I have coverage.

Did the overnight shift, felt really good. Means I missed out on my miles this am, but this likewise necessitated a rest day. VERY good. Of course there IS a down side: Stoney was up-of course-when I came in (5 am) cooking, breaking my balls for quiet since Sybil was sleeping. Let the irony of that sink in. Me, who's quiet as a motherfucker, asked to be quiet, as bass blares from his computer. But you know, I need counseling......................

Day 1917

???

Good news: got my miles, spoke @ a meeting, nice.

Other news: Stoney got a PS4. Not in itself bad, he works/he should do whatever he wants. BUT, is he driving? Is he paying rent? Attending classes? Contributing anything?????

Get me the FUCK outta here.

As It keeps enabling him........

Day 1916

One week closer!

Made it through the "work week" which for me ends Sunday (early Monday am actually, working 8pm-4 am sun into mon). Point is: haven't yet hadda touch the retirement nor 401k. Another week of meeting expenses without running in the red. Breaking even does NOT suck.

And yes, It continues enabling. Brings Stoney Taco fucking Bell. Don't misunderstand, it's a nice gesture. But when it become standard operating procedure? When It actually cooks (once every other week) it's a major production.

I ran, I got my miles, I met my expenses. Life is good, Life is simple and uncomplicated.

Day 1915

Maaaaaybe I actually know what I'm doin'?

(a.k.a. "another one bites the dust.")

More drama. Next door neighbors have been scarce. Turns out: $ problems. Sybil's "she's not MY friend"  "Lisa says" (depending on the weather, the bitch is/isn't Its peep) their house is in arrears to the tune of $500,000. #1: what the fuck is it? A mansion? Half a mil? Please.  #2, how the FUCK would a drug addicted/alcoholic/agoraphobic have this information?  #3, funny, Sybil denies the bitch is Its friend, yet counts on that cunt for intel.

All we know for sure, the place has been very quiet, atypical.

Verification: Bitch hadda (again) climb over the fence to retrieve keys from Its vehicle, you know, the one sitting in his backyard for over a month? It locked itself out of Its car (again) so, hadda climb over his fence (again). Fucking shipwreck.

Best of all, after the pride I experienced seeing Stoney on the job, he calls it to buy him fast food? What is he crippled? How DO you spell "enabler?"

But I'm satan. I need counseling.

Day 1914

13 years later

On 9/11, I was on a golf course. @ Grossingers, I was getting used to the gps, when suddenly it died. Went to the clubhouse, the second plane was hitting. This was on CNN, all the players surrounding the tv. I asked if it was a joke, no one answered. Shit.

So, what do I do, carry on. 2 peeps died there. my thing: it validates my m.o.: you have now. Not manana, not yesterday. Not one person who entered those building thought they'd never make it out. My belief in: "every moment could be the last," mimics the "one day @ a time" thing.

So, today's I'm off. Got up late (4:30am), got my miles, hit the gym for weights, now chillaxin'. Stopped by Target to pick up some supplies, who do I spy behind the electronics desk? Stoney! I was very proud, but gave him a nod/wink.

Guess college ain't hapnin'.

Day 1913

Nonya!

Bitch enters Toxichouse, asking if i got "the car thing." None of fucking business Bitch. Does it ever tell me anything of its activities? Anytime you so much as attempt to speak with It, the issue becomes contentious. What I do is my business only, ever since it ceased being a wife and became Plaintiff.

Tomorrow, off. Was doing 5 am-1 pm, death to a runner, but, it gave me a needed couple of days off. the gig more than compensates, I know I didn't miss a step. But, my knees thanked me.

A peep who was doing The big One is now deferring to next year. Injured. This is why I don't go to doctors. whatever pain my joints give trifles when compared to the emotional baggage my domestic situation causes. when I do The Big One and a member of the crowd yells "kick it in!" my answer is always "why, Plaintiff is home?"

Day 1912

Good. Weird, but good.

Have a few areas of concern. Until retirement kicks in, nice to have NOT raided the nestegg for expenses. In this period, been supplementing with various gigs.

Other issue: my credential. Applied for renewal, hit a speed bump, just got the credential in the mail today. Ambivalent. This will-most likely-be my last trip to that rodeo. It's been quite a journey. From Dana picking me up @ the jail to go to South Oaks, to unemployment, to NY State, to rising to the top, to cancer, to Sybil, to now. Really, a lifetime. Wow.

To everything, turn, turn, turn.

Day 1911

Back to it!

I actually enjoy having a gig to go to. Since Sybil insists on haunting the house/spending any time whatsoever there, I HAVTA stay the fuck out. This isn't a bad thing. Unfortunately, this am it entailed being there @ 5 am. So, a built in "rest day," nevermind the fact that with this gig I'm on the move constantly.

Also, with this gig, my overhead is zero. Pays my daily gasoline and misc expenses without touching The Nest Egg. We're almost there kiddies!

Day 1910

Payback?

So, as I take pleasure in Sybil's misery (how many weeks has Its car been sitting in my neighbors driveway because It can't pay for the muffler?), what do I find when I come in 2 the end of the day? A red light violation ticket. FUCK! Shouldn't take pleasure in others' pain.

BUT, what ELSE did I come in to, every MOTHERFUCKING window wide open. during a thunderstorm. Fucking morons.

Yes, I got my miles, and YES I will again today. FUCK yes!

Oh, and hope Stoney enjoys the result, I disabled taskhost.exe.

Day 1909

Karma

Day before I need to put air in a tire, a semiusual thing as I drive a lot. So, yesterday, needed to put fix a flat in. Still made my morning run. After my run, saw a thick nail/screw embedded in the tire. However, the tire held! Fix a flat is a fucking miracle! So, took it to Mavis. Along my old route, there are dozens of tire shops. first one was near the gym, they recognized me from the old gig. Told them to do whatever's needed. Lo and behold, 15 mins later, repaired! $21! Not too shabby! Ad that to the can of fix a flat I bought to replace the one I used, total, $32. Karma isn't always a bitch!

Point is: didn't miss a step, didn't blow my cool (Sybil would've raged and blamed me. Remember when it accused me of putting a nail in Its tire. Remember my response "why would I waste a nail?"), got my miles, and did all this shit within 2 hours. Good to be sober and happy, you know, what It professes to be in between bouts of psychotic rage.

Then came in to a duct taped door. White trash hope repair. But we always have a bottle of Snapple and something to smoke.

(how's college?)

Day 1908

tgif

A good week. Didn't run in the red, made a buck, got my miles.

My concern was defaulting on payments. In this period between my date of resignation from Civil Service, and receipt of my first retirement check, I was concerned about the interim. But, we made it through the summer. Payments are scheduled to begin around my birthday, so, we did ok.

What a long strange trip it's been indeed!

And Sybil and Stoney, clueless-as usual. It buys him a car about a year ago, he hasn't driven a metre. Smoke on, smoke on. And It? Its car is STILL in the neighbor's backyard-It lacks the $ to pay him for the muffler job he did 2 weeks ago. But I'm a fool for buying the vehicle I did. Don't see it repaired every month do you? Don't see me relying-in effect-on the kindness of strangers to bail me out do you? Funny how that works. In fact, you don't see me relying on anyone do you? I work for what I get. I don't blame others. I was parented. Thanks mom.

Day 1907

And back to the grind (that's good!)

Good to see what appears is as it seems-sometimes. Got asked to stay @ the gig to do o/t. This is very good for the short term-not so much for the long term taxes. Still, beats knocking on doors, meeting people who are borderline abusive, or just don't give a shit. This I can deal with.

And Stoney? Asked if I touched his jelly or his coffee. (???) Imagine, your son holding you accountable for what is in the fridge? Wonder why I like going in to the job? AND, this was the day after being told "I don't want you here," Stoney telling ME he doesn't want me in the house. So, move the fuck out! Really!!!!! Can you imagine a child saying that to a parent????? And what does Bitch do? What It always does, not a mother fucking thing. Meanwhile, duct tape on the back door. Think it's easy?????

Day 1906

Back to it!

The thing I like about this gig: the peeps. Everyone who puts in the hours is there for honest work. A great thing. It is exactly what it appears to be. No airs, no drama.

Hot as a motherfucker, but it's ok. I'll get my miles, I'll go to work. Nice!!!!!

Day 1905

:)

Had a GREAT day off! Was sleeping, after working 8pm-4am Sunday into Monday. Got a call, asked if I wanted o/t. Fuck yeah! So, did 3pm-11pm. Good. Bitch was in, as was Stoney. Remember, it professes to be Ms.AA, so what do I come in to? Stoney's bong on the table, the exact spot my stuff used to occupy. The lesson? It's ok for illegal substance paraphernalia to be there, but not my belongings. But I need counseling.

Fuck 'em both, today I ran a profit.

Day 1904

!!!

Helluva Sunday!

Did The Manhattan Run-my second fave run next to The Big One. Despite being me, bumped into tons of peeps. Rode in with a peep, really did ok. No walk breaks.

One person who shared a ride with me last year spoke of my being an "inspiration," should tell that to Psychobitch and its groupies! Another spoke of how, because of me, she was doing The Big One. Nice to know you have friends.

Then, worked 3-11pm. Didn't think I'd survive, but did well.