Day 1903

Good weekend!

Getting better too!

Did the Farmingdale Mile yesterday, a.k.a. "get my yearly Pat Lafontaine autograph run." Greeted him @ the starting line, he recognized me, said I'd see him @ the finish. Did the run (broke 9), he-of course after doing this repeatedly- recognized me, signed my bib, actually-this time-asked "with a G or a J?" nice guy, then pulls ME in for a hug. A genuinely nice guy!

This am, The Manhattan Run. Had a restful evening, a.k.a Bitch was OUT! Woke up this am, STILL out-remember, when I do this I'm accused of abandonment. Real sober behavior: "do as I say, not as I do." And re: wifely or parental responsibilities??? ZERO. Cook? Clean?

Funniest, the Yentl (the one who married one of her own patients) Its counselor/then sponsor (boundary issues????????) tells It to get separated (really objective-based on the subjective bullshit ONE party throws your way, arrive at a decision. so much for not taking inventories! THIS is sobriety? Go marry another patient)! Remember, a GOOD (let alone shitty) counselor FACILITATES, never ever tells. But then again, I'm Satan. Remember, this is the moron who hooked up psycho and I years ago, NOW tells It to pursue separation. Good luck with that!

Day 1902

:)

First pay from new gig, money sucks-but-was more than I'd expected. Good to have low expectations. Especially good when you remember this is supplemental income. Funny how we're @ opposite ends of the spectrum. @ this gig; people are using it as a start or as a supplement. Nice to bond with they that have been around, we understand. The young'uns are cool too-we're all in the same place in one way or another. Also, as opposed to the other gig, at least I know I'll get paid for my efforts-rather than chase my tail trying to convince people. That got tired really fast.

So, got my miles yesterday, despite changing hours. Today, a one miler. tomorrow, Manhattan Run. Nice.

Day 1901

TGIF

Promises to be a busy weekend.

Had a good day yesterday, odd work hours-3-11pm, but hey-I made progress. Another day to retirement. AND, got my miles!

Tomorrow, the Pat Lafontaine run. my yearly "can I get an autograph?" To which he registers recognition, thanks me, and signs whatever I hand him-a nice guy. then Sunday, my second fave run-next to The Big One; The Manhattan Run. This year, with a peep! I won't be solo, nice. Brotherfromanothermother is off the grid, so I don't even ask.

Day 1900

Remember

Like any gig, there IS a hierarchy at this one. Funny, some people don't see: a gig is a gig, no matter what your pay/title/manner of dress is. One guy and I bonded, he realizes: you don't get to our age without "knowing." Some don't even respond to a greeting. When I was on top I always responded to all, and nothing was beneath me. I was well parented.

Another good day. Adjusting to varied hours, but, I'm making a profit daily. Not a day wasted. AND, still got my miles-NOT @ the crack of dawn (THAT feels weird), but if I don't havta be @ the gig til the pm, no point in predawn running.

Day 1899

Got it, almost, right.

Made it to Cheap Trick, on the right day. funny, Rick fucked up too. In speaking to the crowd, he thanked us for coming out on a Monday night-until the band reminded him it was Tuesday. funny.

Good day @ the gig, nice to not be on the line. Unfortunately, the boss says they need my energy so, back to the grind-on what promises to be one HOT fucking day, oh well.

Good to be productive!

And God bless Cheap Trick!

Day 1898

Oops!

Was very excited about Cheap Trick last night. Get there early, found a parking spot right in front of the venue, went to catch a flick in the interim (Expendables 3, HORRIBLE movie. When you're the only one in the theater, it's a sign).

Leave the flick early, it was THAT bad, go to the venue, nothing. check the ticket, the show is TONIGHT! Fucking moron.

So, no run yesterday, no run this am, concert tonight. No run yesterday as I was fried, no run this am as I gotta be @ the gig early.

Day 1897

Odd, but not bad odd.

Had a great overnight, dealt with some cool people. The problem: it was an all nighter. The good part: felt like the old days. Remember all nighters? Felt really weird driving in @ 5 am.

Woke up (no run-too late and after working all night, not a chance), It and Stoney having words. He calls it the C word. funny, none of his stuff got trashed. Oh yeah, I'm satan. all others can do as they choose. Forgot.

Tonight: CHEAP TRICK!!!!!!!!! Fuck everything-and everyone-else.

Day 1896

Called it

It's in, and chaos ensues. slamming doors, of COURSE It HAS to use the broken back door. Fucking Psycho Bitch. Thank GOD I'll not be in Its presence for a few hours. The best part: after going in and outta the place a hundred times and slamming the front door EACH time, I go out for a sec to get something from my vehicle, It has the balls to ask what I was doing. Fucking sociopathic bitch.

No rain, hence, running. get my miles and all will be well.

Day 1895

:)

2 days until Cheap Trick @ The Paramount. Nice.

3 days until my new, new gig. Started out entry level. This am got a call from the boss, appreciates my work ethic etc...moving me up a step. Nice.

Got my run in, nice.

And the good news ends there. Called Bitch to warn It about the back door, It goes on a tear. amazing. All I asked was to not use the back screen door as it is hanging by a thread. Its answer? "We have an inside door." Fucking moron. and when THAT rots???

But It's still away, let's enjoy the peace and the work affirmation.

Day 1894

Here I go again!

Had a good day. Started with a run (doesn't EVERY good day start w/a run?). Didn't think I'd be able to do it, rain predicted, but by the time I got to God's country (Queens) the rain stopped.

A full day @ work, 11 hour day. Nice.

So, wassup w/the title? Remember Gelmart? This is exactly the same. Funny how what goes around...

Day 1893

:)

Another good day. Rather than chase my tail, trying to convince people about the cool policies the company offers, did a days work for a days pay. Actually content. All for health benefits. The job itself is mindless, monotonous crap. That's why it's called "work." I'm great with that.

Came home, Stoney asks me to wash his shirts. Remember, this is the same individual who spit on me.

I ran, I had a good day. I earned a buck, I had a good day. I have benefits.

And Bitch isn't in. Funny how the place has been quiet. No rage, no screaming, the den is intact, we actually use the side door (now that the Bitch destroyed the back door-as I'd predicted. months ago, if they'd done what I'd asked, this wouldn't have happened. What do you expect from a psycho who has 2 pieces of shit vehicles, constantly being repaired, who tears me a new one because what I do actually makes sense.).

This is a very good week.

Day 1892

Circle is complete

No matter what I do, back to Queens.

Went to orientation @ JFK, they asked if anyone could start that pm, I said yes. Worked 1-8. Exhausted, but feel good.

At least I know what I'm getting, no head games, no bullshit. Straight work. That I can deal with.

The other gig called, no coincidences. My boss was looking out for me-nice guy. Said if I didn't write a policy for 5 weeks, I'd be terminated-looks bad on paper. Good point. I gotta figure something out.

In the meantime, I'm ok. I ran, I made a buck, I have health coverage.

Yes, Stoney will never ever be forgiven for what he did. That was the height of abuse. Thank the Bitch who birthed him for that. He takes all Its lines and abuses them to meet his needs. Funniest of all: he (like Psycho) breaks my balls over eggs. Before its vacation (???) It buys 2 dozen. has he touched ONE? Nope. Son of Psycho.

So let's REALLY understand the scene: I'm out working, Stoney's home with his friends smoking, and It is on "vacation." Get the sense something isn't right here????? Oh, wait, chances are 50/50 something of mine will be fucked with, whether mail (why I hadda get a po box) or my personal property. Better: remember years ago, I flipped down the visor in Its car, my AMEX bill-a month late, thus $75 late fee, fell out? THEN, I get accused of fucking with the mail???? Hence, the po box. The old gig was forwarding my rolling Stones mags. I received exactly ONE. Bitch had them in Its bags of hoarders crap. Amazing.

I ran, this am I will run. Life is good.

Day 1891

(posting for Tues, sorry, was busy)

Orientation this am for the new gig. Get my miles, then head over.

Retroactive abortion?

Tonight my son spit on me.

There was what appeared to be a scrap of paper in the freezer. I threw it out. I was @ an AA meeting, he calls. EnRAGED, fuming. "fuck fuck fuck fuck etc..." I race home, he's foaming @ the mouth. turns out, the scrap of paper had weed oil on it.

In the process, he goes on his destruction tear, again, vandalizing my shit.

In the process, he's egging me on, trying to get me to hit him, during this, he spits on me.

His drugs are more important than his father.

His drugs give him the right to not respect irreplaceable property.

Though I was able to retrieve the scrap of paper, what he damaged cannot be made right.

I can't wait 'til he has a child.

The pain this caused cannot be expressed.

Day 1890

Blue skies!!!!!

Nothing but blue skies...for me!

This am, in a hour, last meeting @ this gig. Perfect morning to have gotten my miles. then, 2 appointments, then, the rest of my life. Kind'a excited.

Last night, a peaceful evening. No yelling, no cursing, no active psychosis. Nice.

Day 1889

Well done.

Sybil going on vacation (????? even my peeps found THAT bizarre), Stoney staying behind (mommy's away, now I can smoke incessantly). Glad he'll be around. Also VERY glad the house will be THAT much less toxic.

Ran with a couple'a peeps this am. Really nice. Hadda take 2 breaks, my excuse was waiting for one peep to make it up the hill. But who cares, had fun. Life CAN be a blast.

Tomorrow, my last Monday am meeting @ this gig. It was good while it lasted, but I'm not meant for this crap. I'm very grateful for having been introduced to it, but it's not my thing.

Day 1888

Better!

Ok, so ran into peeps yesterday, made my day. It got better!

Was @ the library-on the road, it helps to check into FB and e mail, ran into yet ANOTHER peep. She was there getting a card for school, hasn't been @ the gym due to pursuing her masters. Amazing. Despite myself, I truly have friends everywhere. Really comforting.

Until I get home......

NOW that the screen door in the back is destroyed (Daddy I wanna doggie...I'll walk him..."of course that never happened, dog destroyed the screens, destroyed the door. I put a sign asking to "please please use the side door as this door is on its last legs." Sure enough the door is history. NOW Stoney uses the side door. That's not the worst part-Sybil just leaves the fucking door open.) they finally realize what I'd said months ago is true. Fucking idiots.

Good thing I ate the egg (read yesterday's post.).

Stoney works, it picks him up, he comes in with a peep, they hang in the living room. It allows Itself to be displaced-after Stoney gives It a tonguelashing. Good enabler. Needs a meeting? Counseling?

I ran, life is good. I plan to run this am, life remains good.

Got eggs?

Got smoke? (As I hear Stoney coughing).

Day 1887

:)


Ran The Line this am. Niiice. Have been doing 86th during the week, The Line weekends. Why? With the gig, easier to park @ the Y, run, then shower and hit the road. Now that I'm winding up @ The Gig, I can revert to type.

So, why is this good? The world is now back on its axis, really. Was planning to do exactly this since yesterday am, since that decision everything was cool. A peep of almost 30 years spoke 2 a meeting I went to, I ran The Line, and I bumped into a gym peep. THAT is significant as my day did NOT start well.

Yesterday, Bitch texted me (never good) about not eating anything from the fridge. What brought THAT on? I had the gall to eat 4 eggs. This am, Stoney asks that I not eat anything It puts in the fridge since it has no funds. Let that sink in. Surgically attached to Snapple, never without. When It goes shopping, buys him all manner of junk food (got weed?), buys Haagen Dazs, but god forbid I eat an egg???????

So, this am started REALLY dysfunctionally. THAT's ok. I ran. The gym peep is exactly the same as I am, only a dif gender and cultural background. Otherwise, exactly the same. We both know the need to maintain ourselves, we both lost a buttload of weight, and we both love spinning. If things hadn'd worked out as they did, i.e. if I'd run 86th/ if I'd gone out on more pointless sales calls, this am wouldn't have happened.

...hopefully, you're wondering exactly what the FUCK Stoney was doing still awake @ 6:25am????? Like I said, a VERY dysfunctional couple'a hours, but I ran. I'm ok.

And yes, I pray for the day the fridge breaks. Hey, I'm only the father. Why SHOULD I actually eat anything within it, so, I got ZERO vested interest in its function. PLEASE let it happen like....NOW.

Best of all, It's going upstate for a week. Without Stoney. THIS should be fun!

Day 1886

WTF?

Putting the garbage out this am, Sybil "what're you doing?" "Putting the garbage out."  "Did you HAVE to go out twice?"  "When I go out, do I slam the door and scream? AND, do normal people sleep on a couch by the front door?"  Fucking nut job. This from the person with a basement from hoarders, who must clear out Its car when it's serviced or else the mechanic can't sit in it, amazing.

So, yesterday, told the big boss next Monday will probably be my last day. he was speaking of me in terms of my "getting it," when we had the meeting I responded as he would've liked his people to respond...Bottom line: the door is open. Good. Nice to leave on those terms.

This am, beautiful, crisp, cool. The first day of the rest of my life. Get some miles, do some Pilates. Really feeling good.

Just don't put the garbage out.

Went to a meeting last night, ran into Brian. We know each other from 20+ years ago, Uniondale. To show how much water passed under the bridge, he asked if I was still teaching. Really been a long strange trip.

Day 1885

Changes

Robin Williams' suicide really affecting me and alotta peeps. Like losing a brotherfromanothermother. He had quite an impact. Suicide is tough, especially for the survivors. Thankfully, his kids are beyond the developmental stage. What I don't get is his chosen means. Hanging is rough, and REALLY rough for they that are left behind. I might've been down, but his level of depression must've been profound. Always an inner sadness in his eyes, the need for attention etc....What about when the cameras were off?

Sybil going away on Sunday, vacation. Draw your own conclusions.

Rain this am, grrrr. No run.

Big meetings @ the gig.

Day 1884

Dayum!

Went to a meeting last night, joined the group. This year marks my 30th so I kinda/gotta celebrate. Hence, helps if you have a place to celebrate, hence joined. @ the end of the meeting, peep shares Robin Williams killed himself. Wow. another brother gone. Hunter Thompson, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Mork. Damn. Really hurts. He always had an inner sadness, turns out he suffered from depression. But fuckin' hangin' yourself? Helluva way to go. More of a statement really.

Yesterday, I ran. This am, I'll lace 'em up. Hell yeah!

Day 1883

Day 5

Everything is as it should be.

As written, had a good day yesterday, starting-of course-with the am run. Didn't mention, lo and behold, who was running in the opposite direction: Football Dad! him and HIS peep were finishing 5 as me n' MY peep were starting. How cool was that.

So, this am, he called. love that guy!

Winding things down on this gig. my boss is cool, is keeping me in the loop re: what I should do to effectively close on good terms.

And no, still no medicare #, hence "Day 5." No, Virginia, you CAN'T make this shit up!

Day 1882

Day 4.

STILL no Medicare #. If it has a psycho moment, I havta do whatever its mental mind dictates. But a matter so trivial as a simple fucking #, I'm still waiting 4 days later. Really. But Its friends want me taken to court?

I'm hardboiling 2 eggs, Stoney breaks my balls re "why'd you havta use........" unbelievable. Stop watching my cable.

So yes, I ran, with a peep no less. Actually had a GREAT morning.

Day 1881

Day 3

3 days ago asked It for Its medicare #, still nothing. Amazing. of course, It hadda tell its "friends. Of course, they piled on, i.e. "oh, sure, HE gets HIS health benefits, leaving you out in the cold." bitch doesn't understand: every employer requires you to do so. do I currently have benefits? Have I had benefits for the last half year? Of course, It HAS to air every aspect of our lives to Its useless friends, who know nothing. This simple request: medicare number; is turned into :   "Oh, HE gets benefits, what about you???" Really?

Does It even mention that I pay every MOTHERFUCKING bill?

Of course, now the heat is on. Stoney's taking a couple of weeks off (part time worker taking weeks off?), as college sign up approaches. good time to lack $$$. AND, he gets a $500 bill for tuition. As the car It bough for him continues to go undriven.

Of course, this all gets translated into shit about me, of course, rather than own the fact that he's not gone for driving lessons, he piles on: "You have to admit, she's got you." ??????? I go to work daily, for this? THEN, It, replaying the same tired tape, rages on about how I got fired (??? I gave It my bosses number as well as HR, let It call and get the info directly, but no, that would take away Its source of rage. it would have to admit It is wrong, again), how I didn't visit It in the hospital...the same shit.

Thank GOD I run. Makes It totally unimportant.

I gave my all for 24 years, I'll retire and be well. it has a life with nothing to show for it, is a shipwreck, and displaces everything.

The person I married? Lovely, caring, kind. This mental patient? Can't even give a simple fucking Medicare number without hours of drama????? Go teach Jeeeeezus. Go to a meeting. go to counseling. Imagine not being able to fulfill a simple request without being SO pathetic that groupies/friends have to be involved?

Good victim.

Miss my wife.

Day 1880

THAT was weird!

Nice to have pressure off re: the gig. After yesterday's meeting with my boss, the pressure is lifted. Did my appointments this am, yielded nothing, no nausea. Was really getting tired of daily nausea.

I'm accepting the fact that the last chapter of my life has begun. This is not a bad thing. I won't have a buttload of $, but enough to do ok. This is way beyond what I'd ever wanted. Whenever you listen to The Experts, THEY always recommend 25% of your income for retirement. Thanks to Civil Service, this had been done automatically for me. Of course, I conveniently forget that in return for that, I never called in, and was pretty much ordered to fall on my sword/resign. That's not a bad thing. If that didn't happen, I wouldn't be free. It's very strange, but good.

Of course, again, asked Sybil for Its Medicare#, this after giving Stoney enough of my personal information to have him steal my identity (funny how I'm supposed to have this info @ my fingertips, yet when It must produce, I'm left waiting for-now-48 hours+). Whatever. We know It is utterly useless when it comes to adult activities. Great for whining and displacing/shirking responsibility. Oh, and tanning.

And yes, of course, got my miles.

Day 1879

THAT didn't hurt!

WAS a lil' nervous telling my current boss I was retiring, but it was cool. He's a good guy and understands. In fact, he told me to make as much $ as I can beforehand then do what I hadda do. Nice.

Now I need Sybil to give me its medicare #, it's needed to apply for the healthcare plan my new new gig has. As with anything grown-up (remember getting Its tax info????), this will be a chore and a half.  It does absolutely nothing to make anyone's life easier. The antithesis of user-friendly. An amazing pain in the ass. Talk about arrested development.

I ran I'm good.

And, got a phone call from Football Dad. he ran 2 miles. Is this guy great or what? Always makes my day.

Day 1878

Hump (literally) day

Right on the cusp. Decision making/confusion.

Too much not happening on the job, really a slow week. Feel like I'm in limbo. No real direction, but constant pressure to produce. Pressure I can handle, but I sense that I'm treading water. You know I'll keep putting in the effort.

In the meantime, moving onward. Getting fingerprinted for recredentialling, sent Baptismal Certificate for retirement. Called the Deferred Comp peeps for change of address. Really sucks that I can't count on getting mail @ home, but, it is what it is.

If all else fails, I got my miles. Good. Physically I'm good. Just gotta keep my head right.

Stoney's back from camping. He had a good time, per his grunts when asked. Really would be motivating if he actually realized all that's done for him. He's a great person, but really has a way of making me feel like shit.

Day 1877

Deja vu?

Got my miles, did well. With the race on Sunday and rain on Sat, didn't get to The Line, but doing well doing "speed work" on 86th. Results were finally posted from Sunday's race-I broke 10, good-no small feat with the pack jammed with idiots in front who walked after 400m. So, with that, Monday happened.

Got to the Monday am meeting, big changes. The Nassau and Suffolk offices are merging, some of our peeps are going to Queens. I hope I do, but we'll see. The downside? Our current office is half a mile down the road, other than that, there really is no downside. I'm in Queens daily. This'll actually make my thing easier.

Went last evening to follow up on Mr. "come @ 2pm, make that 6:30, make that tomorrow morning to pick up the check." I get there, his woman denied knowing anything "I have to check with her, she has questions," then when he showed up-an hour late-he claimed to have forgotten. Fuck it, turn the page on this asshole. Today's another day.

Stoney's been away camping with his peeps. Funny how Sybil has been behaved. Not one cross word.

Day 1876

Better

Did 86th ave, felt good. In view of not really having a daily set agenda, this is very centering. With this gig, you either have prearranged appointments, or knock on doors-aka "canvassing." I'm not very good @ that. Appointments, yes. So, each day really is what you make it. This underscores the importance of a solid work ethic-got that-and ability to plan-ditto.

So, felt really good doing 86th. it's grounding. (and keeps me in shape).

Guess not doing Spin with Pret. Still waiting to hear status of that, been 2 days.

Pissed my results from the Brooklyn Bridge Run didn't appear. e mailed the scoring co. Not that I won, but it's not official until posted. Oh well, I ran, I finished.

Day 1875

Fun!

Did the Brooklyn Bridge Run. had a lot of fun. This whole "be social, hang with the peeps" thing is ok.

Was raining first thing in the am, wanted to bail on the run, but, was preregged and the showers WERE predicted to be passing. This, in addition to having driven all the way to the ass end of Manhattan, hadda stay. Glad I did!

Had fun, hung with the peeps, did ok.

Unfortunately, my results didn't appear, yet. But fuck it, I had fun.

Day 1874

Knew it!

Had a 2pm app't, thurs. THAT morphed into a 6:30 app't. THAT morphed into the aforementioned "come back tomorrow for the check." THAT morphed into "my wife..." fucking moron. Grow a pair will ya? So now, I gotta go to this client's home Mon. THIS is exactly what I'd suggested from the beginning. Jeeez. The good news: the gatekeeper is already a client who wants and needs more coverage, so I have an app't with them as well. It is what it is.

This am, serious rain, so, Spin.

Pret texted me @ 10 pm the other night, must'a had spare time-I'm like a hobby apparently. Wanted to run this am, but like I said, raining. I suggested Spin. We'll see.

Day 1873

Mensa mensa.

Doin' ok. Did a policy yesterday, guy didn't have means of payment. He asked me to return this am. Makes me nuts-do you go to a restaurant, eat, and promise payment the next day? But, we'll see what happens. Be positive.

Got my miles, manana rain expected, we'll see. Missed Monday, breaking a consecutive streak. This is why I don't take days off. I'm used to hitting the gig daily, knowing what to anticipate, knowing my agenda. With this gig, you must be uber flexible, never knowing what's coming next. It's anything but predictable. THAT doesn't bother me, but the sense of not having accomplishing anything irks me. With this gig, your accomplishment is registered only in dollar signs. As we all know, there's more to life than that. With running, my head's right, I'm healthy, and a day (or more) that doesn't generate profit leaves me undeterreed.

Take for example this week. Had a couple of good days, but remember when I was with my first TM, we had up to 2 WEEKS with no profit to show for it. Now, things are moving, I'm a bit more used to how to make things happen, and I have a mental plan daily.

I got my miles, I'm good. We'll see what the day brings.