Day 1099

Lil Bastard!!!!!!!

Yesterday, a good day. Pilates, Spin, Feldenkrais. Nice.

Then, this am.

Lil fuck asks for $ to hang with his peeps. Ok. Of course I respond "you owe me an apology." You KNEW this hadda happen. He gets in my face, egging me on, whatever bullshit he was spewing, I thanked him and indicated he had heightened my awareness. Of course THAT'S the last thing he wanted to hear. Only made him angrier. And my point was? YOU DON'T PUT PUSH PINS IN DRY WALL. Asshole. Turns out, in addition to acting like a TOTAL asshole, guess who put the pins in? Of course, I indicated this is the same idiot who puts nails all over our walls, littering them with thrift store shit.

You really should'a seen this asshole pushing for a fight.

Now, in the "old days," any parent worth their weight would'a decked him. Today, I'd be imprisoned.

Fucking punk.

This am, got my miles. Think  I needed it????????

Pushpins???

I really can't let this go. Blows my mind.

Not only does the idiot take offense when I tell him what's wrong with destroying drywall, he believes Sybil when It ok's it. Of COURSE It ok's it, It has crap nailed all over the place.

THEN, he'll wonder why I allow crap to fall to pieces. Is there even an iota of props for all the work I did to make the house habitable. Not a shred.

Day 1098

Strange


Stoney, not a word. Can't say it concerns me-but it DOES hurt. If he only knew what I do, he'd kiss my ass. Yet, all I hear is much the same. Was channel surfing, watched 60 Minutes, a story about families that live in their vehicles. One girl said if there was one thing she could do, what it would be. Her answer: speak with assholes like Stoney and make them grateful for what they have, rather than be typical teenagers and about whichever issue strikes their spoiled fancy. Instead, he plays games all night, sleeps all day, smokes til he has a hacking cough. And his mother, well, you know better than to ask.

Hit the gym today, did what I needed to do. My head's right, mercifully.

Day 1097

TGIS

Stoney out doing whothefuckcares. I don't. Sybil out. Good, I get the chance to do the lawn. But, not before I see someone fucked with my things in the den. Why? Whothefuckknows. All I know: apparently, I have no rights in my home.

BUT, this am, I ran. Life is good.

Now, let me get through this fucking prison sentence.

Day 1096

FUCKING MORON!!!!!!!

A very good, day, until.....

Had a 5k in Prospect park. Went well. I sucked, but didn't havta walk. Good.

Then off to Manhattan to catch a niche flick, then hook up with peeps n Feldenkrais.

then...THEN...unfortunately, Toxichouse. Stoney uses push pins to put a poster up, thereby destroying his ceiling. and who told him to do this...take a fucking guess.

Fuck it, let the place fall apart.  I quit.

Sometimes you gotta....

just put one foot in front of the other.....

Really hurt that Stoney made that "you're selfish" comment. Of course, buried within my hurt is the fact that the spoiled asshole IS in fact a teenager. It slays me that he has zero direction, but, again, it is what it is.

So, what happened since the last post? Again, peeps saved my ass.

As time passes, it appears increasingly obvious that brotherfromanthermother is lost to his wife. She snagged a good one, and is using him to the fullest. He is now a step-grandad, whose time is completely taken by her. He wanted it, hope m he's happy.

So, one less peep.

So, God takes care of me. Another peep texts asking if I was up for Who tix. Now, we know it really ISN'T The Who. More like "2 survivors." But, I'm sure it'll be great. And if not, beats the SHIT outta another second in 4 walls in which I'm clearly not wanted.

God took care of me. Nice.

Day 1095

SELFISH???????

Toxichouse yesterday, Stoney being..well..a teenager. 2 days withuot a word exchanged between us. Good. Yesterday, with no milk in the fridge, Sybil strolls in with Chinese takeout. His Majesty comes down, grabs a plate, enters the living room, attempts to change the channel I was watching-so His Royal Highness could (ignoring the dining room table) eat and watch tv. I object, he indicates "you have the garage and the den......" Points out I take the remote and digital card for the bedroom tv. He proceeds to say I do this because I'm "selfish," I of course remind him I do so-and have BEEN doing so-because neither he nor his mother EVER made the bed. That they had used the bedroom as a lounge, and left it a total mess. Of course he translated this to "you just do that so she can't watch tv." Fucking asshole. And I thought he understood. Of course, dummy, I'M THE BAD GUY. How could I forget.

So, I'm "selfish." Just wait. Next Bank of Dad withdrawl will not occur. Fuck him. Disrespectful asshole.

So, this am, got what I needed elsewhere. Spin class was great. What a terrific way to start the day. And yes, I ALMOST went to the gym after last night's hurt. But no, can't let the asshole drive me from MY house.

Selfish.

Never mind that I stay in a toxic environment solely so there is a stable parental presence. Do I ignore him to go to the beach?????????? Oh yes, I forgot, I'M THE BAD GUY.

Selfish. Run a drug rehab for the poor, prez of my running club, only stable factor under that roof, but I'm SELFISH.

Asshole.

Day 1094

MUCH more gooder!

Got my miles this am. Felt good. Knees achy. Sore beats injured any day! Back holding up as well. The classes/crosstraining are paying off.

Felt good to see my usual suspects.

Now the only question, what to do this weekend? Some races, but nothing really grabs me.

Day 1093

Back in the mix!

Took yesterday afternoon off. Hit Toxichouse to eat/change. Of course, after staying up all night, Stoney sleeping. Talk about Wasted Youth. @ his age, we had jobs, played all day....him, nothing. Was still sleeping when I left.

Headed into Manhattan-had a class last evening. Had a blast playing "mini Lost Weekend." Only 2 calls from work.

The class last night, GREAT! You'd think a 3 hour class would suck, but it was really REALLY good. Back isn't killing me, knees not aching. Gotta give this some time. Sipping the Kool-Aid, haven't drunk it yet. BUT, results are results!

This am, Pilates + Spin. Hadda SPLIT asap from Toxichouse. Apparently I hit the snooze button once too often, when my eyes finally opened, it was 5:08!!! But, my word is my word. Knowing I'd get in late(r) last night, told the Instructor I'd def be there in the am. Not only was I, but everyone else was dragging. Initially there was no one there-2 minutes after the class was to have started. But, people trickled in. Good, I think. Wouldn't really have minded cancellation, but my word is my word. Stuck around, did the Spin class. THAT was dragging too, the Instructor asked the previous Instructor if they wanted to do the class. Must be the water.

All I know, I fulfilled my committment. Though it WOULD be nice to sleep in.

Oh, and Stoney, nowhere to be found ("it's 10pm, do you know where your children are?"). Meanwhile the washcloth in the bathroom reeks of weed, and Sybil hasn't a care in the world. Useless self involved waste of flesh.

I did what I had to do.

Day 1092

:)

Got back to my Line, got my miles, ran with a peep-for 200m (he was doing 4)...so...life is again good!

Today's big. After running in humidididity you could cut with a knife (how peeps run after sunrise is beyond me, predawn was awful, but I finished), work, got the afternoon off, then manhattan.

Got a 3hr. class tonight. Looking forward to it. Only downside: get back late, fucks up my wednesday morning-ass WILL be dragging. But well worth it.

Day 1091

Almost whole

Feel really good after my weekend. Lonely that so much has to be done in solitude, but hey, it is what it is. Not alot that can be done when your teenager uses the ammunition given him to rue your existence...until he needs $. Being a father truly is a thankless task, shouldn't be-especially when I see the family setting others have, but again, it is what it is.

Trying to explain this to the uninitiated hurts, they can't conCEIVE the crap I deal with. If one more person asks why my son doesn't nibble @ the carrots I dangle in front of him.....i.e. "why don't you just..." that phrase alone belies ignorance of the level of dysfunction with which I live daily.

Nonetheless, a very good class this am @ the gym, grateful to have my peeps.

Day 1090

Back

So, after my Lost Weekend, hadda go back, eventually, unfortunately (how badly I'd love to stay in Manhattan, I can't begin to describe. Long Island SUCKS). Stoney's in the living room with his peeps (6am)-reeking of weed. Sybil upstairs-in my (what used to be our) bed, like a hoarder surrounded by Its crap.

Fortunately, they were headed out. Sybil's main BITCH-the one who walked into MY house asking "where's the fucking asshole" (and this is the twat I wrote a resume for)-that one, is having a 50th birthday gathering. Good. Got Toxichouse to myself.

Was nice to do the local 5k this am-one of those "it's a mile away so you gotta do it or get kicked outta the hood" races. Also, after a 10k yesterday-knowing manana is Pilates and Spin, hadda do a lil' sumthin' sumthin'.

Day 1089

:)   ;(


Yin/Yang.

Spending another Lost Weekend in nyc. A good thing. BUT, the circumstances that warrant it, well, can be a bit lonely.

Had the Central Park 10k this am. Nice. Bumped fists with Boomer Esiason, fists like cinderblocks.

Bumped into some peeps, always a reassuring thing.

Then, tonight, Fendenkrais.

Always feel surrounded by love, but yet, home hates me. They called demanding to know my whereabouts. Remember, they went to Aruba totally without me,. Now, planning on 2 weeks away, again, never mentioning a thing to me. Seems a bit one sided n'est pas?

It is what it is.

Day 1088

A new low

Come in yesterday, asking (big mistake) Stoney why he didn't go to a function with Sybil. He dodges an answer, responding "I dunno why you even care." Ahhh goooood times. What a dick.

NOW I understand why Alec Baldwin left the voicemail he did.

Thank GOD for my peeps.

Raining this am, made not running easier. Hit the gym for Spin. Next best thing. AND, with a 10k manana, hit the spot. Felt good.

Though yesterday's comment really stung. What a shit answer.

Day 1087

Lil bastard!!!!!

Imagine fussing with your parents things, and the consequences you would pay. As opposed to life in Toxichouse where apparently I have no rights.

I come in yesterday, again, my bike is moved. When I question it, Stoney asks why it isn't placed elsewhere. Of course I responded that I'm not accountable to something that came outta me. The nerve of the lil' bastard. Oh wait, it gets better! HIS bike? Was outside in the rain. I shouldn't have said anything.

BUT, this am, got my miles. Life is good!

Day 1086

Good to be whole

When you think about it, being a cohesive human doesn't totally suck. What brought this on? Between running, cross-training, and work, life is indeed good. Had Pilates and Spin this am. Felt great. Between this and running, really the cure for what ailed me.

I've NO idea what peeps who don't workout do. How they can manage life's oddities. Oh yeah, self destructive behaviors-drinking/smoking....... Feels good.

Sybil comes in from the beach, flurry of useless/pointless activity, then heads back out. Stoney, sleeps all day then smokes all night. Ditto. No goals.

It is what it is. All I know: I feel good.

Day 1085

HOTTTTTT

You know it's bad when you lay on the couch, get up, and your back is wet. How anyone can run in this is beyond me. When I go out it isn't THAT bad.

Yesterday, Pilates and Spin. This am, miles. Really feels good to be in this groove.

Day 1084

T.G.I.M.!!!

Thank GOD THAT weekend's over. Can't believe how much that hurt. Between my brother's wife telling me my responsibilities ("of course you have to pay for your son's college...") Like she's printing money????? Between Sybil's friends coopting my home, between Stoney being a total jerk. Thank God it's a wrap.

Best of all, internet was on the fritz. They call Cablevision. Do they tell me when the service call will happen? No, of course not. If not for the fact that Cablevision has my # as the main contact, I'd have been in the dark. I made it a point to be there, so where does Sybil go? Of course, anywhere but home. Stoney? Went out to indulge. Amazing.

Wait, it got better!!!!! Cablevision needed access to Its closet. Can you imagine the fiasco THAT was??? What a horror. But, It got Its tan. And Stoney got his smoke on!!!!!

And me? Thank GOD for the gym!

What KILLED me: my brother's wife hasn't worked a week in her life. My bro paid for her to go to college, study nursing, then she lasted one shift. Never worked. And she has the gall to tell me my responsibilities? Why? My brother lets her think she has a right to an opinion. Wrong.

Day 1083

WHEW!!!!!

So, the day of the "big" summer party, a.k.a. buttload of haters. It is what it is.

My brother, sister in law, sister in laws sister n' her peep show. Ok, so far so good. At least no haters, yet. In total, 20 people showed up between 4-10 pm. Distinctly underwhelming. Good.

The one prob (besides SOME people overstaying their welcome), my sister in law-again-turned into supercunt. Great I had 2. She started on a rant about my job being to pay for Stoney's college. @ that point I uttered the famous words: "If you don't pay the bills, your opinion is unimportant." Bitch.

But, I got my miles in, gonna locomote (he makes ME look fast) with a peep this am, life-again-is good, for now.

Day 1082

The "Big" day

Ok, today's one of three tough ones. The day supercunt decides to throw the summer party. You know, the one where all the people who revile me gather @ my house to rake me over the coals (would YOU have the audacity to enter someone else's house and judge them?????, really good guests). Fortunately, half of them are starting to see Its wasted life. AND, my brother who now sees the truth will be here. Good.

Stoney's freaking, internet's down. How can I thus be typing this? Let that sink in. Between him and It, not a brain cell.

This am, run The Line. REALLY need it, duh.

Pray.

Day 1081

REALLY funny God!

Today's Stoney's birthday. Let that sink in. The little terrorist's birthday on Friday the 13th. Sums it all up. Gave him his gift-of course he was up when I left. He grunted. Really could feel the love.

PRAYING it rains tomorrow. Day of Sybil's big party. Moron can't keep milk in the fridge, but It'll spend to provide a spread for groupies. Nice.

Got my workout in, Spin. The instructor had a flat, oh well. Fortunately, us workout fiends were already in the workout area warming up. Only one guy got pissed and split. I DO understand; if you prep for 45 minutes of cardio, you want every minute.

STILL riffin' off Ace's show. Niiiiiice!!!!!!!!

Day 1080

Nice 24 hours!

Took yesterday afternoon off to chillax in nyc, then go see Ace Frehley. Hadda chill since it was a general admission show (ouch, my aching back!!!!!)

HELLUVA show!!!!! GREAT venue, opening band was hanging in the lounge during Ace's set, no pretenses. Gave the guy a handshake on my way out.

Ace? AMAZING. He really IS KISS! Was right in front, behind a bridge and tunnel bitch. Surprised I still have any hearing left.

Got up @ my usual time, hit the mta, grabbed a gypsy cab, STILL made it to the job on time (prepredawn), got my miles. Hadda. Didn't run yesterday in preparation for standing for hours.

Manana Spin.

Toxichouse? Stoney's room reeks, I haven't picked up the dogshit. They're having their annual party saturday-a.k.a. tear me a new asshole fest. It's ok. Their opinion is the result of bullshit. But it DOES hurt that a "guest" would enter another person's home with such disrespect.

Fuck 'em. I rocked. I ran!!!

Day 1079

So THAT'S what "good" feels like!!!!!

Did Pilates this am (REALLY tough), then Spin (MUCH easier), and actually feel good!
Miss running, but with one class running into the other, got a really good workout, and more importantly, feel great.

Yesterday, it finally came to a head. Stoney hit on First Bank of Dad for $. Now remember, rewind the tape to his telling me to fuck off and calling me a pussy. Teenage asshole. So, yesterday, he was told in no uncertain terms, the next withdrawl from First Bank of Dad would result in "no funds available" if his crap behavior continued. Sybil? Had nothing to say. Really good parenting, as It goes to teach religion and attend yet another AA meeting. Pathetic.

Tonight, we Rock!!!!!!!!!!

Day 1078

Funny God, REALLY funny

Over a tough weekend (anniv etc...) footballdad hooks up with me. Nice.

Yesterday, Stoney being a bitch, I head out prior to killing him, who do I bump into? Bonardi. Amazing. Well done God. Really takes care of me.

Hurts that peeps on the job have zero appreciation for a user friendly workplace I strive to give them. But, they are, in fact, responsible for THEIR workplace as well. And they repeatedly fail. Things could be SO much easier if they didn't get in their own ways. They make their beds.....All I need to know: I daily do my very best.

Yesterday started on a great note with Pilates then Spin. This am, back to where I belong: The Line. Got my miles, felt like a homecoming. As I passed some runners, one verbalized my name. I've NO idea who it was, but was nice to be greeted.

Day 1077

God grant me the serenity....to change the things I can


Yesterday marked 22 wedded years. And yes, I got The Mental One a card and a gift (earrings). What did It get me? Of course, nothing. All that matters: I did what I needed to do.

It was @ the beach all day, figures.

Stoney? Went out to hang, I check his room, residue in a travel cup. It's response "at least he's not drinking." Great parenting. That comment absolves It of any action, great enabling.

So, thankfully, yesterday I followed the path without diverting. Football dad called, asked if I was running, together we did The Line. Nice. Got what I needed.

Not the script I wrote, but life's journey has its own path.

Was funny seeing so many peeps @ Alley Pond, so many with whom I can hang, yet due to domestic circumstances, I'm screwed. THIS is what hurts. Sybil goes off wherever, not paying any attention to that which inhabited It for 9 months. Really takes absolutely no responsibility. Remember, this is the same person who, when discovering Stoney's room reeked, bought him an air freshener. God forbid you inform him of appropriate/illegal behaviors and their consequences.

This am, Pilates, then Spin. VERY good. Pilates is WAY tough, Spin feels like a vacation by comparison.

Day 1076

Glad THAT'S over.

What had been planned as a reunion turned into a shipwreck.

Called Pedrito to confirm his joining me for the club's annual game, he has food poisoning. Invited brotherfromanothermother-he's babysitting the grandkid. Fuck me. Off I went.

The 6pm ferry? Nope. We all took a later ferry as the 6 was cancelled. Left the game in the 7th inning to catch my train, the 9:30 ferry cancelled. I could'a stayed. FUCK me.

The game itself was great. Great seats too-row L, right behind home plate.

Glad that's over.

But again, God IS God. George Waters calls me as I'm sitting in the terminal stewing. Well done God.

Day 1075

Better yet

Made it through the week. Work is good. Toxichouse, is......toxic.

I came in last night, Stoney (reeking) the other couch with 3 of his peeps. I ask where his mother is, he grunts-It was in the bathroom. Really. Disrespectful little shit.

Last night was Fuel n' Filter @ my fave venue-The Paramount.

Today's gonna hurt. I'd asked Stoney if he wanted to do his yearly pilgrimage-let my running peeps see him @ our annual outing. He said "why don't you take your brother?" Ahhhh, warm father/son moments. Turns out, Pedrito has food poisoning.

Fuck it. Today's supposed to be the hottest day of the year, let the little bastard stay home and melt. You KNOW Sybil'll be @ the beach, abandoning him. I tried, I invited him to be with his dad.

Really hurts, but I'm better today.

Day 1074

Thank GOD that's over!!!!!

What a shit week. Work was good, VERY good. Situations you can control. Toxichouse on the other hand, jeeeeeeez. Sybil @ the beach every day, Stoney being a cruel mean spirited asshole. Really seems to forget who butters his bread. Fortunately, G takes care of things. Came in yesterday, all fans still. He? In the backyard sunning (??????). Turns out, we had a power failure. No prob, off to the movies. Let the midol ingestor sweat. When I came back, power was working. This'll be the second day in which I utter not a word to him. Really hurts.

On the other hand, had a great workout!!!!!! First thing in the am, Spin. Nice. Thank GOD the gym started a 6am class. Knees feel GREAT!!!

*Funny: Pilates KILLS me. Feel like Spin class is a welcome relief by comparison. You'd think it'd be the opposite.

Day 1073

REEEEEEALLY stings

Really, would YOU ever have spoken to your father as Stoney does. What a punk!  Now, I really shouldn't be surprised. He sends the day with people who rue my very existence, but I always thought we were cool. Apparently not. Fucking asshole.

Fighting a two front war is tough.

BUT, this am, got my miles. Thank God. Between crosstraining yesterday and my miles this am, I'm ok.

Hurt beyond words, but ok.

Day 1072

Today was tough.

Really sick of the s.o.s., so didn't do Bellmore. Instead, Pilates and Spin. killed me, Pilates is TOUGH, but crosstraining is well worth it.

Now what killed me. Today is the day we USED to go to our friends house. I'm no longer welcome. As a result of the TWAT'S turning them against me, they believe all It says. I AM Satan in their eyes. Really hurts.

Meanwhile, It prints $$$$$ to bring a dish for them, meanwhile for us here, nothing.

Best of all, Stoney comes back, starts with his "I'm a pissed off teenager" shit. Actually called me a "pussy." Can you imagine speaking in such a tone to your father? Wait 'til First Bank of Dad is approached.

A tough day, but got through it. AND, got my workout in.

Day 1071

THAT was weird.

Read a review of Aerosmith/Cheap Trick in an English paper (they played the O2 arena). They thought Aerosmith sucked. I'm surprised. The English got all the facts wrong, down to the toys Joe Perry used (called his Heile box a Theramin. Assholes). Critics. BUT watch when their own tour, The Stones. I'm sure they'll rave.

This am, back to business. Got my miles, felt GREAT!

It WAS good to crosstrain-esp with Spin and Pilates, really worked it. But, there's nothing like running. Period.

Also was terrific to see the usual suspects on The Line. Even my Dim Sum peep, who asked if I did the Flushing race. Of course!!!!!

Day 1070

More gooder!

Aerosmith was amazing last night. Cheap Trick, well, you know they are the shit!!!!!

GREAT seats, really had a blast.

Unfortunately, no run this am. Gotta mix things up.

Since last night was such a late night, hadda cross train. Pilates, the Spin.

Nice.

Day 1069

SHIT!!!

Ok, thank GOD this am was a 10k. USED to be a half, but in these temps, a 10k is MORE than enough.

BUT, hadda walk ALOT.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I gotta play chauffeur. Peep n' I are going to the concert tonight. I gotta meet n' drive. FUCK.

THEN, Stoney actually says "fuck off" as I mimic his typical teen heavy sigh. No fucking respect at all.