Day 1840

Back in the saddle.

Had a tough weekend, thank GOD for running. Between the neighbors having nothing to do other than critique where I park (yep, it's true), and, again, enduring the scorn of It...things were rough. BUT, with runs sandwiching the weekend, all was well.

Was tempted to take this morning off, but no. There is rain predicted this week, so, get the miles while you can.

And yes, passing the old job hurts. But if it wasn't for that gig, wouldn't have the house, the son (that IS a good thing isn't it? ), the great schools etc.....Everything happens as it should. Just gotta accept it.

Still, it WOULD be nice to have something vaguely resembling support. Coming in each day to face yet more shit sucks.

Day 1839

So, how do you top yesterday? MORE!

Did the Achilles 5m this am, almost the same time as yesterday. Then, still smarting from the neighbors bonding about my being a dick for parking in front of their house, did the 5k in the evening. REALLY glad I did. Even with 3 walk breaks-this one's ALWAYS hottttttt, STILL came in @ 9:40.

Moral of the story, go ahead, call me a dick. While you take your drugs and do nothing of any value.

Keep the focus?

THIS is what JEEEEEEEZUS would do?

(but I need a meeting right?)

Day 1838

(writing for Saturday, a day late)

did the LGBT Pride 5m in Central Park. Why? It's a qualifier and it's 5 miles. did ok. then I could go back and tolerate the assholes.

to whit, I come in, Its breaking my balls re: "why do you park across the street?" (Because It insisted in running into my truck when I parked in front of the house. Not TOO psycho are we?) But I didn't give that as my answer, I ignored the question. Of course, then, Drug Addict with Agoraphobia who must know everything about everyone, has to call me a dick for parking there. Remember, they'd break MY balls for freaking that someone had parked in front of my place, when I do the same, I'm a dick. Take some more drugs, they're doing you a world of good.

Best of all, these are the same assholes who accused Stoney of dealing. 2 that point It claimed "they're not My friends." Guess THAT changed when sharing a mutual interest-trash talking me. Again I say, take some more drugs.

Day 1836

Close(r)

Almost wrapped the week, almost feeling whole.

Did another sale yesterday. I really should be doing what I did thus far this week in a morning or afternoon, but I'm growing my sea legs. At the very least, the week won't be a blank week. My confidence is there, and my m.o. is solid. Now just gotta get motivated. With It there breaking my balls constantly, I really don't have too much incentive. (yesterday I'm chilling on the couch-Stoney had a girl upstairs, suddently It decides I havta vacate-It hadda make a phone call. Glad I pay the mortgage.). Bitch.

Because of an early appointment, no run yesterday, was off my center, but I managed to get the job done. THAT'S why the prior day I ran and did Spin.

This am, hit the asphalt again.

And yes, it IS a constant source of amusement that my territory is my work neighborhood, and yesterday where was I? The iron triangle. You really can't avoid your past. The circle of life is much more than a song.

Day 1835

WHEW!

Got my miles in yesterday am, good. Feeling stronger, then weights.

Then, off to the job, meeting, went well. Was well received by my new coworkers-they're glad to have me on their team. The exact words used were "glad we rescued you." Nice to get positive affirmations from SOMEWHERE.

Drove forever to close a deal. Not a bad way to spend the day. Now gotta see if the momentum can continue.

Of course, got home, Stoney fucked with my things (shouldn't he be paying rent?). Home is where the ??????? is?

Day 1834

Not too shabby.

Despite relocating/adjusting, I'm ok.

Rather than daily running The Line, doing 86th ave + weights. When I can, Spin. Physically I've never been better. Mentally? ....................

It goes on a mini rant about whomever It's caring for, how their kitchen was redone, how lovely their house is. Now let that sink in. Yes, it was a shot @ me. And again remember who, literally, rebuilt this house, and who does their level best to trash it on a daily basis. Case in point: last night, moves piles of hoarders crap to prep to do laundry...@ 11pm.......

But I'm ok.

I work my program. I have peace of mind that only comes from knowing I do my very best on a daily basis.

Day 1833

Didn't suck

Did my morning miles, getting up earlier, 3 rather than 4, to do my homework for the job and have some vague illusion of control over my day. Feels good.

Strangeness on the job, dif boss. The guy who brought me in really wasn't cut out to be a boss, so he's going back to being a grunt. This is good for his head and good for everyone else's bottom line. too many wasted days spent on his personal issues.

My new boss is a good guy as well, but really doesn't give a fuck about your personal shit. Good. he, like the guy who brought me in, wants to see you do well, but not at the cost of $$$.

Day 1832

Funny God, REALLLLY funny!

Last night, Stoney BURSTS into the bedroom-literally. He was working, Sybil picked him up.

(This was @ 11:15 pm, for some reason the people living under my roof are hell bent on not letting me sleep).

So, what was it all about? A-1. Yes, you read correctly, fucking steak sauce. Apparently, @ that ridiculous hour, It was going to cook for him (he has It well trained). When he went to check for steak sauce it was empty. Aren't I a prick? He literallyu bursts into the bedroom-rather than turn the knob like a human would, and accuses me of replacing an empty bottle. Imagine? Like I'd invest that much effort? THEN, he goes on a tear about the cost ($8???).

This am, I go to where he works (TARGET, like he couldn't buy the shit himself? Oh yeah, takes away from weed money), the shit was $2.50, wow. Worth being disrespectful to a parent? Should I take away $2.50 worth of internet?

So, this morning, while on my run, I look down, what do I see? A $20.

Funny God, really funny.

It pays-literally-to do the right thing.

Day 1831

Didn't suck!

Today was set to be good. Run in the am, work, then run in the pm. Ok. Let's see.

The am run, formerly The Queens 1/2, is now the Queens 10k. Good. The Half was in College Point, one BIG hill you ran twice. Now, it's half the distance, mostly flat, and done in my childhood second home: Flushing Meadows Park. Nice. AND a medal. NicER.

Did ok, couple of walk breaks, 10:05 pace. if I hadn't taken the breaks, I'd have broken 10. AND, I was dead in the middle of my club peeps. Nice.

@ noon, hadda meet with my Alley Pond peep to attempt-again-to do his policy. This time it stuck. Nice.

Then in the evening, Benson's 95th birthday 1m run. NICE. 6 foot heroes, nicer!

A very nice day.

Day 1830

Fuckin' asshole, you're a fuckin' asshole, such a fuckin' asshole.

Liar liar liar. LIAR liar, liar.

Why don't you just go? I can't wait until...........

You need to go to a meeting......................

Yes, Virginia, this is the sum of what Psychobitch woke me up, @ 11:15, to scream. Real positive reinforcement (and, again, with Stoney and his girl on the couch directly below). THIS is what JEEEEEEEEEZUS would do. THIS is what the founder of AA espoused. Fucking bitch. (but I need a meeting???). Think It's off Its meds? Should'a signed up for the Affordable Care coverage, but no. it thought Medicare would do the trick, rejected. Pity.

And those words were uttered, after waking me up, the night before a big sale. Did I make the sale? Did I even try? Did I have anything vaguely resembling motivation?

So, manana, the QUEENS 10k, followed by an evening 1m. At least tomorrow will be a good day.

This am, Spin, saw my peeps. I'm ok.

Day 1829

Didn't suck!

Did a 5k in Flushing Meadows last evening. What I always say is "if you can run after work, you didn't work." First thing in the am is easy(er) than in the evening. But, 1)the guy who holds the race is cool, so you kinda/sorta gotta do it, and 2)it's Flushing Meadows Park-I grew up there. Amazing memories of the World's Fair, mom, you know, a family?

Broke 10, 9:39! AND, that was with 2 walk breaks. Lil' ol' 5k kicked my ass, but I still broke 10, with a full 60 seconds I could've shaved off.

Now the prob: my credential is up for renewal. Should I/shouldn't I? Should I keep a door open or move on? THIS is a crossroads. And here @ Toxichouse I get nothing but grief. No useful input other than daily reminders of how shitty I am. Last nights "you're a fuckin' asshole, you're a fuckin' asshole" keep replaying in my mind. Really supportive (and remember, this is with my son and his girl on the couch. Imagine what she was thinking?). THIS is what Jeeeeeeeeezus would do? THIS is the model of AA sobriety? Great shit to keep in mind while in the process of making a sale.

Useless psycho.

Day 1828

WTF?

WAS having a good evening, Stoney on the couch w/a girl, having a nice time-a nice girl too. So far so good. Reviewing the events of the day, prepping for this morning.

Hit the sack, then...THEN...BITCH rages in.

I had the NERVE to eat from the fridge.

Now, remember, Stoney and the girl are on the couch.

Fucking amazing. You can't write this shit if you tried.

Turns on the light, knowing full well I'm trying to sleep, hot as a motherfucker, this BITCH is off the hook. And, what you wonder, is REALLY at the heart of this?

Guess who didn't qualify for Medicare? And why? Of course, It missed the cut off date for application. Typical.

Told it to sign up for the Affordable Care Act. Did It listen?

But scream, demand divorce, call your lawyer because I ate from the fridge.

Best of all, remember this was @ 11:13 pm, It tell me I need a meeting. I'm a lier, asshole, fuckin' asshole, and need a meeting.....@ 11:13pm.......because it is off Its meds.

Hope Stoney's date ended well.

Day 1827

Grrr!

Hot, too hot. That + Stoney n' his peeps pretty much talking over. Had no peace yesterday evening. I AM glad he was hangin', playin' ball with his peeps, but that resulted in my loss of a couple'a hours of rest. Really need it. It's 90-ish degress, days are tough.

Day 1826

Gooder

Got up an hour earlier, to get my run as well as my affairs in order. Tired of rushing. Better to take power naps here and there.

Glad I did. the day took its usual twists, but a good day nonetheless.

Day 1825

Called it!

Stoney asks for a lift to work, of course I do. Only chance he actually speaks.

Last night? No card, no Father's Day nothing. It picked up a chocolate chip cookie @ a bakery. This sucks. Thank God I ran.

Mother's Day? The world stops. Father's Day? The world hits on First Bank of Dad.

Day 1824

Here I go again

Alone.

Good news: did the Central Park 5m in a sub 10 min pace. Nice.

Bad news: It's Father's Day. Of course, all that happens here is weed smoking. Not a card, nothing. Just angry glares from Stoney and It writing "Keith's" in permanent marker on tupperware in the fridge containing strawberries.

This sucks.

Happy Father's Day. Right.

Day 1823

Best of times, worst of times

On the plus side, got my run in while it was still misting. Later it POURED. also, ran into Pret, albeit briefly. A nice am run, then the skies opened up. Shit.

Had an app't my boss actually fucked up. In sales, if you're not "on" you shouldn't be there. Basically, he was a sales buzzkill. He's off his game and killed a setup for me. Fuck. Oh well. With it doing nothing but breaking my balls, and Stoney openly smoking, not alotta motivation.

But God DOES have a sense of humor:

1)It had a shelf nailed into the wall (can't miss a chance to fuckup a perfectly good wall with nails and thrift store shit), guess what happened to the shelf?

2)Who do I bump into @ the gym, Drew-a former work peep, a good guy. Made my day speaking with him. He gets "it."

Day 1822

Deja vu, part__________

So, It texts me because I had the (gasp!) gall to look for a lampshade It hid. Yes, you read correctly. This, from the person who hides food (like I eat a lot? GREAT parenting, terrific example for our son isn't it-hide food from dad). It really lot it. THEN, opened all, I mean ALL my mail. But it reserves the right to get pissed that I found the lampshade It hid. Fucking psycho.

But, today, I ran. Life is good.

Day 1821

Deja vu?

So there I was, having a good day. When...WHEN...IT struck! Lost It's mind. Why? It is having an issue with (wait for it) a lampshade. Yes, a lampshade. Losing Its mind because I prefer one over another, so It takes the one I prefer and hides it. Yes, THIS is what makes It crazy(er). The other day, lost Its mind because I had the gall to put a jar of beets in the fridge. This is a sober person? This is what Jeeeeeeeeezus would do? Amazing.

It texted me, twice, and called once. Wonder why I changed my number?

And yes, I ran, did SPIN, then Pilates. Might do more tonight, It will be in.

...was a perfectly fine day until It struck....

Day 1820

Shipwreck

Come in yesterday, crucial mistake.

It was out doing whatevere the fuck It does all day, Stoney was sleeping (sleep all day, smoke all night), so It was-naturally-involved in covering every fucking square inch of the bedroom in crap. Where was It? In-literally-Its closet looking for...shoes. Yep, It has no clue where anything It owns is located. So, naturally, It must create maximum havoc, getting in everyone's way, because It is-literally-a shipwreck. and of course, It tries turning it around to get angry at one and all. Fucking useless human. Does nothing all day, nothing all week. Its life is involved in finding one bullshit hobby after another to fill Its time with empty busywork.

And after all this crap, where is all the crap-piled up OUTSIDE the closet-blocking the window. A total fucking pig.

Really motivates 'ya don't it? Ahhhh home.

Ran, got my miles, the spin. Fuck it, I'm ok!

Day 1819

So far....

Was weird yesterday-a good test of adaptive skills.

Was raining, so no run. So? Weights + ellip. I wasn't the only one. All the usual machines were taken, but I knew where the others were. So, got my workout in. Thus, the day began well, despite rain.

then on the job, more weirdness. Infighting and bullshit. really unnecessary, but dysfunction is dysfunction. Bottom line, had a good day.

Best of all, when I got in, Bitch was out! YAY!

Day 1818

Has to get better

Woke up, Stoney's bong on the dining room table.

Good thing his mother goes to aa meetings incessantly.

Day 1817

Amazing.

Did well this am. What we lack in speed we make up for in distance-and vice versa. This am's 5k was in East Hills, as in East HILLS. Really tough, like a mini King's park. BUT, after "speed training," 86th rather than The line, I did well. Broke 10 mins, no walking. THAT was the good news.

The other news: Stoney struck, again.

When I was @ sales boot camp, fan magically disappeared. This am, after a night smoking with his peep, more of my stuff is magically missing. His mother? You already know-fucking useless. And best of all-as he never has consequences-he feels he can tell me off. Good. And he wonders why his existence is tolerated rather than enjoyed. Sad, but true, he's acting like an asshole.

Be nice to feel safe @ home, but I have no home, merely a place I occasionally visit when it can't be avoided.

Smoke some more, doing you a world of good.

This morning I ran, life is good.

Shebitch? The cancer victim? @ the beach.

Amazing.

Day 1816

Sellus interruptus

Went on a call last night, after pursuing this guy for awhile. All is well, then...THEN... "I havta discuss this with....." cockblocked on a sale!!!!! Amazing. People have nothing better to do on a Friday night than waste time? Oh well, effort, not outcome.

And yes, yesterday am, ran. Life is good.

Day 1815

Rain, rain, then?

Day started out shitty, ended well. Couldn't run-rain. Ok, do Spin class. A few of us there, instructor doesn't show. FUCK. Ok, did weights.

Then, in the pm, sun came out, better.

Had a dns. Was preregged to do a race, hadda book to work. Oh well. Priorities. Ended the evening on a high note.

Day 1814

?

Guy my boss brought on is lodging a complaint. Why? The guy's a shipwreck, three of us were helping him write aps, the boss sent an ap my way. He claims his shit was stolen. STOLEN? If the two of us weren't helping him, he would'a totally fucked it up. amazing. And yes, he is a JEEEEEEEZUS asshole.

Yesterday, another good day, of course, started with a run. funny how that happened.

Last night presented the voodoo I do for the club. Who strolls in? Tom and Terri. Amazing.

Day 1813

The more things change...

Always got along well with the Program directors @ the gym, but they have a brief lifespan. This latest-like the others-lasted 2 years. Oh well. the days of working @ Grumman, then years later, the white picket fence, are gone.

Did a thing yesterday, agent made a killing, I was thrown a bone, agent freaked. This is one of those JEEEEEEEEEZUS people. Typical. Not unlike Sybil. What Would JEEEEEEEEEEZUS do/ There were 5 policies, of which I did one. WOW!!!!!!! Really amazing how people who hide in church practice what they verbalize. Again, not unlike Sybil.

But I ran, life is good. Then in the evening, Spin class.

Day 1812

Better.

Broke 10 in sunday night's 5k. Didn't really set out to do so, but I'm not complaining. DP was there-after saying she was faster than I, hadda beat her. And my peep Dobs was there-always starts out too fast, then after a mile or so I pass him. REALLY a sweetheart. Always a kind word to his peeps when one passes the other.

Funny how what goes around...last week we had a meeting @ Northport VA. Really where I matured as an adult with brotherfromanothermother Steve.

Did 86th this am, plan is Spin tonight, we'll see how that works out.

Stoney went on an interview last night. Not sure if it was what he'd imagined, he came home with an Amway folder. Was really proud of his presentation-went out and actually bought a suit. A really great kid who makes me nuts.

Day 1811

Nice!

The good news: had a nice evening 5k yesterday. Reconnected with my Long Island peeps, was recognized by a few, exchanged pleasantries. The other news: Bitch broke a lamp. Years (literally) ago, attempted to change a light bulb, of course It never replaced the globe. The globe, naturally, involved itself in a pile of Its hoarders crap-like magic, It had nothing to do with it. Of course, it shattered. Think it'll ever get replaced? (was the lightbulb? Imagine years without a bulb?) Think I'll somehow get blamed? Easier than to take responsibility. But again, you know me, I actually have the balls to eat from the fridge in my house. Ain't I a motherfucker?

Day 1810

Fired?

Bitch incurs a bill from its best friend-God forbid It goes a week without seeing a doctor, and thus is freaking. Again, turning into psychobitch. Screaming how I got fired. Really motivational shit ain't it? Great parenting-of course Stoney was there. Fuck It. Hope it rots. 2 cars, can barely pay for one, tickets up the yin yang, carcinoma survivors-yet pays out in the sun. but I got fired. Fucking moron. Makes ya feel really good after 12 hours in the field. Work that program, sponsor another AA loser. Fuckin' psycho. THIS is what Jeeeeeeeezus would do. Should hang with The Priest. They deserve each other.