UnFuckingReal

So, one of my Make Believe Friends asks if I'm interested in seeing Queen. Thought about it, why not. Tix were cheap, nosebleeds, but cheap. A week after Iron Maiden no less. So, ok.

We hang for a bit, had some catching up. Go to our seats, WAY the fuck up, corner. Lo and behold, an usher comes behind us, upgrading the people. I turn around and say "hey, we won't say no." Lo and behold, 10th row, side stage!!!!!! NIIIIIIICE. See pix.

Had a blast! Turns out a couple of our peeps were there as well. We were VERY fortunate to have gotten the upgrade.

But WAIT, it got better!

I'm heading home, who do I see?????

STONEY! (this was after midnight), WITH HIS JUNKIE FELON FRIEND.

Amazing.

Hadn't gone to a meeting in weeks, no outpatient. When pressed, "I needed someone to talk to." Right.

Told him he needs to

1)attend outpatient, receipt of co-pay on the fridge.
2)attend na/aa/za, whatever, have a signature attesting to attendance.
3)launder the bags of shit in his room
4)pay rent, on time. 8:01=homeless.

I'm done.

Turning out just like his useless mother.

(meanwhile, remember Cathy calling to ask if it was ok to.....and my answer: make it contingent on his attending outpatient/aa? what did THAT twat do? Took him shopping and SUGGESTED. Another useless twat).

Home Stretch

June 20, Cunt kills itself, thereby relieving earth of Its presence.

June 24, Father's Day.

July 8, wedding anniv.

July 13, Stoney's Birthday.

And here we are.

Stupid humid, no a/c. Why? Did Cunt ever contribute? Did Stoney ever lift a finger? Now, he lies in a filthy room, bags of dirty laundry, barely able to keep an hourly job-after losing three others. Just     like     mommy.

Went to do his laundry yesterday, I come upon him as I went to pick mine up. He's standing outside, smoking a cig. Someone stole his laundry. Wouldn't have happened if he'd stayed with his laundry, if he'd put in the footwork. Just     like     mommy.

Spoke with Aunt Cathy. She was aware of some of his shit, but agrees, this ain't gonna end well. He's not going to meeting, not going to outpatient, hasn't changed his behavior.

Happy birthday.

Bottom line, the troublesome part of the year is almost passed.

You don't know

pain until you'v been to your wife's funeral, and everyone there is convinced to were Bad Cop, and half think you killed the Cunt.

pain until you parented your son, alone, with a Cunt reversing every parenting decision you attempted to enforce.

pain until you drop your son ff at the e.r., and leave him there with instructions. Not cold hearted, but "detached," following years of bullshit.

pain until you know he's homeless for a week, as a direct consequence of his substance abuse. Not allowed to reenter the home for a week, after seeing him ride off on his bike with sandwiches you made and a bag of (dirty) clothes.

pain until you have all this happen within 24 hours of Father's day.

Irony?

Father's Day. Two days prior, an i.o.u. for rent. Ok, at least its on his mind. On Father's Day, nothing. I come home, a terrific card and cologne. He comes in from work, of course I thank him. I was genuinely touched.

1:41 this am, the 3 year anniversary of Cunt's death, I go downstairs to piss. He's up, having come in from working the night. I see he has a can, of 14 ounce Natty Lite.

I tell him he has until 6 am to be gone. That he has a week to get his shit tight or never return. I tell him he's lucky-that I'm sure he hadn't been to a meeting (he hadn't in 3 days) didn't have a sponsor (didn't) not attend outpatient in over a week. When he tried the "at least I'm not doing heroin" bullshit, I tell him he's back with open arms if he gets ANYONE from his counselor to a 12 step member, to write a note saying beer's ok, ESPECIALLY when he remembers the rules of his life in my house post-rehab.

He's thus, homeless for a week.

Wonder if he remembers the meaning of today's date.

I write this on a computer in the library. Guess who's a few computers away.

Irony?????

Here we are

Quite a day.

Wanted to fulfill my volunteer commitment for The Marathon. So, did the kids global running day thing @ Icahn Stadium. Football Dad and I.

What a day. Took me back to when I started on Ward's Island, all the drama surrounding our engagement and my unemployment. All the shit I went through to get my foot in the door, doing the nyrr run there w/brotherfromanothermother, the concert there w/All American Rejects. Wow. Really time in a bottle. Barely felt like any effort.

Get back to my phone, college peep contacted me for some info.

Today really spanned the various decades of my life.

And here we are.

So It Goes

Memorial day came and went. Official start to summer. Did the Long Beach run, 5k rather than 10m, hey, my knees hurt. And last time I did the 10m, I hadn't been on my feet for 8 hours daily. Was just happy to actually do a 5k without walk breaks.

Stoney'd being good. Don't have to worry-too much-when I come home. He still lacks any awareness re: boundaries, but no drugs.

Amazing how all I said turned out to be true. Remember my point about Bitch making a point to trek thru the den to put Hulk out? Now, side door. Closer. No shit.

So glad the cunt is gone.

The hard part: parenting Stoney. But, without the Bitch undermining everything, at least some material sinks in.

Thank God for my make believe friends. It hasn't been easy, but a shit ton easier than when that cunt was alive.

One More Month

6/18 we'll revisit Stoney's status.

This am was supposed to be sink or swim. As in: 8am, mattress on the sidewalk, or, so far so good. Well, he's still under my roof.

Sat him down @ the table and evaluated his status. The problem is: he actually hasn't internalized the nature of his transgressions. it came to this: yes, drug free. No, rent. Yet, he has $350, blew every cent, and then some (just     like    mommy). I asked hiom: "how many of your friends would've survived throwing a hammer @ their father???? " (this came after he stated his perception that he hadn't really done anything that heinous.).

I reminded him:

you allowed my home to be the locus for needle party.

you allowed a stranger to live in my living room.

that same stranger facilitated your addiction.

you have zero fucking rights in my house.

four weeks, no rent.

Schmuck.

No change, no domicile after 6/18.

Here we go again/things I've learned

Last night, left the concert early, knowing I'd havta play hall monitor to Keith. Sure enough, he blew curfew. Only 4 minutes, but it's the principle. He was, again, made aware of: one nanosecond late-mattress on the sidewalk. He STILL hasn't made an outpatient app't. He was told bursting into my room to voice his objection to what I was discussing with Cathy was GROSSLY inappropriate. That ANY further infraction would result in homelessness, that failure to pay next week will result in same. Enough.

Things I've learned:

NOTHING is as important as you think it is.

Everything changes.

NOTHING is forever.

Love passes.

Really glad I did what I did last night. GREAT concert, hangin' with my Make Believe Friends (fucking CUNT) was epic, especially happy I followed my inner voice to leave when I did. I met the lead singer of the band, AND burned Stoney. If I'd left later, he'd have gotten away with it.

Doesn't suck.

Dramadramadrama

So, Stoney claims to have been going to meetings.

So, Stoney claims to have a job.

So, week three of no rent.

So, his phone is outta minutes. He asks to borrow mine, on the phone for 20 mins w/Anne. ????? Told him to get off the phone. He goes off, crying about "you stopped me from talking to her about mommy," "why did you tell her not to buy me a phone." Same old crap. He was reminded of his impending homelessness, and his LACK of ANY right to question.

Minutes later, Cathy called.

As I'm telling her wassup, he BURSTS into the bedroom demanding answers.

I will not speak to him, I'm done. I deserve to be happy and he's done MORE than enough damage.

Lying Motherfucker, part 2

So, he went to ONE meeting. Tuesday, nothing. I spoke with him, telling him:

90 meetings in 90 days, if he can stay clean after that without, ok. But he MUST attend a meeting a day.

He must launder the shit in bags on his floor. He CONTINUES on a daily basis, with bags of clothing on his floor.

He must pay the rent he owes within 3 weeks. If after 4 weeks, nothing, he will be homeless.

Enough.

He spent tuesday doing jack shit. Nothing. This is it.

Lying Motherfucker

The good news: did the 5m race, didn't havta walk, good.

Reconnected with my peeps, felt great, as if I'd never left.

Brodsky? No show. Montalvo, QDR? No show. Quantum whatever? No show. Fuck 'em.

Get home, ask Stoney to replace weights, they'd been left in the grass (tough to do the lawn). He proceeds to take a nap.

Get up to piss, dog still outside, side door wide open, weights unmoved. This am, dog STILL outside, weights where they'd been.

He spent the night at his cunt's place. No text, nothing (I'd reviewed the rules of the house-long as you're drug free, you're ok, but lemme know where you are).

Called him, no answer, several texts, no answer.

Went to the counseling center he claimed was too far, it was across the street. His appointment was for last tuesday.

Remember I brought him to my anniversary? Spent it on the phone with his cunt.

He's used his pass. Spoke with him, told him he was being tested. His response? "This is bullshit." Made the mistake of hanging up on me.

Finally got through to him, he was, obviously, @ his cunt's house. He responded in that fashion because he'd smoked weed. Cunt gave him $.

Told him that was it.

In by 11.

Meeting every night.

No more drugs of any fucking kind.

Told him he cannot be trusted. Referred to the bullshit he told me about counseling etc.....

Told him he has neither any right to privacy nor anything. His response" but I'm paying rent." My response "how much have you paid???"

Told him he had the time to walk to his cunt's house, yet couldn't replace the weights? Could use my phone to buy weed, yet couldn't text me re: his whereabouts?

In brief, told him when he sees his mattress on the curb, that will be his sign that he is dead to me.

Casey Arena

The name of the piece of shit who overdosed.

Did some research. Turns out, the piece of shit was arrested in 2013, with 3 other assholes. Charged with? Robbing a pharmacy. Oh wait, it gets better! He was connected to the robberies of 2 others, for a total of 3!

Now, let that sink in. My son allows one felon to take up residence in my home. THEN, aids/abetts another!!!!! What's to have stopped this piece of shit from overdosing in MY house?????

Stoney 'gonna have some serious 'splainin' to do.

Buit WAIT, MORE!!! On my way out, who do I-almost literally-run into? The piece of shit who turned my son onto heroin.

I ran this am, I'm good.

Called it!!!!!

So, yesterday the dumb twat Stoney used to fuck texts me, asking to have him contact her, "it's kinda important." I responded, she asks "which rehab?" Which I ignored. Turns out, one of the assholes who was shooting in my house is dead. When she texted this information, my response: "good." Funny, haven't heard from her since.

Another dead asshole.

Now if only the douche who lived in my living room would die, we'd be even.

Not entirely bad news on Easter.

So It Goes

So, hadn't heard from Stoney in 2 weeks. He'd tried calling, but @ 3:30 pm, during which time I'm usually knee deep, so missed his call. This killed me. But, life happens.

Finally got his call, he's ok. Trying to bargain his way out, "I wanna see a Priest, make a confession......." Nice try. Reminded him: "if you complete rehab n' relapse, I can work with that. If you don't complete n' relapse, you're dead to me." Needless to say, he's still there.

Brought Pedrito up to snuff. He sent his Easter card, telling of his plans, asking for an rsvp. Also, told Ann about his current status.

Scary being right. Hard, challenging, but scary.

Last Monday was my 32'nd anniv. Didn't make a big deal out of it, as I'm not that full of myself. However, in view of the events of recent years, it IS big.

This weekend, did the 10k with my peeps, really nice. Pix attached.

So it goes.....

WTF

So, Stoney asks me to drop off clothes. I speak with my former employee, now the assistant director out there, he tells me mon-fri/8-4. I don't push or ask for a solid. Stoney calls, tells me Monday is best, I discuss with him, relating the staff there know who he is and he is being watched.

Last night, peeps wants to hang with me, I dodge, just wanna be alone. Went to work, went to a meeting, they ask me to speak-third step.

This am, get up, drop off his stuff. Did they allow a visit? no. Did I ask for one, no. I don't push. What DID hurt was my former employee didn't even come down to say hi. I did the right this guy, from his hiring (pushing for HIM, rather than the candidate the suits wanted), to always giving glowing evals. Oh well.

I did what was needed. I'm happy with myself.

And Bitch? Still dead.

The dog Bitch and Stoney wanted? Who's taking care of him?

The house we bought? Who's taking care of it?

Useless dead cunt, problem Stoney.

So It Goes.....

This am Stoney completes Detox, heads to rehab.

My, how things come around.

Used to run a rehab. Now, he's detoxing @ the same facility I visited countless times w/Woodley, to pick up patients. Now he's a patient.

Went, how many timkes, to CK Post, for various reasons. Now, he's a patient.

Can't get Bitch's words outta my head "what price are you willing to pay for a relationship with your son," when we discussed what to do re: his weed smoking. Great advice cunt. Glad you're dead.

Mileposts

Started running to stay in shape.

Kept running to keep my sanity: cope with Bitch's psycho-ness.

Still running to keep my mojo.

Yesterday, did the nyc half, again. Only missed it one year-when I didn't get in on the lottery system. God forbid I miss out on something.

Was praying it would be cancelled-snow was predicted. When the snow was a wash, game on. Hey, you prereg, you run.

Was I ready? Is anyone really ready? But I finished.

Stoney still in treatment, thank god. Bitch gone for good-THANK GOD.

And I'm still here.

Here We Are

Get a text yesterday "this is me, I'm on Annie's phone...could you please take me for tonight, I have nowhere..."

I called on his phone, he used up all his minutes-four days after getting the phone.

He was @ her house, pondering his next move.

Told him he could get a lift asap from Uncle Pete, or wait til I got home, round 4 hours later. He tried to get back in, "I gotta get some things," I responded "I'll have you arrested."

I asked if he'd reached out to Bitch's friends, of course not. Really there for him aren't they?

So, picked him up @ 10:40, in the street. His girlfriend has him @ her place on the d/l it turns out. Funny, he has whomever overnight whenever he fucking wants, yet.......Homey's gonna have a rude awakening.

So, drove him to detox.

On the way, told him all Sunny;s stuff is gone. Every empty alcohol bottle he was keeping as a keepsake, gone. All waterpipes etc...gone.

Reminded him of the convo Bitch and I had re: his weed use, saying "and here we are as the outcome of your smoking."

Hope the cunt is happy.

I did the right thing. I didn't escape, I fulfilled my responsibilities.

Bitchcunt? Hopefully roasting in hell.

Therapeutic Leverage

So, more of Stoney's comings and goings. Last night (12:30M) I go downstairs, to the kitchen. He's nakes from the waist up, no shoes. I ask where he went, he answered "for a cig." I look down, needle. Follow him upstairs, tell him he has until 8 am this am to get out. Told him to go to numc, or faith mission, bring back documentation that he's clean + March 18, the shower door MUST be fixed. Told him it wasn't for that piece of shit he allowed to live with us, he wouldn't be in this position. He attempted to respond, told him to save his words, telling him "how do you know an addict is lying..."

As cool as I am, took an hour to get back to sleep.

This am, he's gone, on time. I swept his room, any sign of anything belonging to Sunny, gone.

Just   like   mommy.

Where are all the people who told him they'd be there for him?

God, grant me the serenity

Ahhhh, that magic moment when you're driving through your hood, and come upon your son walking around with the asshole who got him started on heroin.

2 assholes.

And yes, I tracked the asshole down and told him if I saw him with my son, I'd kill him.

My son's response: "he buys me food."

Pathetic.

Hope his mother is proud, oops, Bitch took the candyass way out. Just like he's doing.

Payback? Parenting?

So, gave Addict a timeline to get info to fix the shower doors he destroyed. He, finally, admits to being under the influence the night it transpired-no shit. turns out, he's gotta pay alot, won't be working for 2 weeks. sucks for him.

I spoke with him re: consequences. Of how, at 18, I set him up with a bank account, whereas his mother told me he should be allowed to spend as he wished. So, all those $70 video games, where are they now? As he shops in the thrift store for shoes to go to work, where was the $100 spent on Air Jordans? (riding a bicycle to get to the store, lacking $ for a metrocard). Pathetic.

So, he STILL lacks a phone. Has to borrow mine to make the calls-after sneaking into my room to use the phone previously. And he expects me to trust him. Right. How do you know an addict is lying?

Yes, it hurts to witness, but, "I told ya so???"

NOW, he realizes actions have consequences, something his mother never understood.

How do you know

when an addict is lying?????


So, Stoney gets a ticket, CRIMINAL POSSESSION CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE. He claimns he got caught with empty bags. Right.

He claims he still works @ bk, after being off for almost a week, right.

He claims to have not done heroin for a week, right.

Just

Like

Mommy.

Deja Vu

come home to find Sunny AGAIN in my house.

Remember about 2 weeks ago, he and 2 of his peeps burst into my house around 9:30? Remember my reaction???? Lo and behold, the lil shit is AGAIN in my house. Stoney CLAIMS he just walked in, so, tell him to GET THE FUCK OUT.

So, I go to his house and tell his folks I'll first kill him, THEN have him arrested. Their response: "good." Ok, we're on the same page.

Back to Toxichouse. with Pedrito on speaker. I ask Stoney the last time he used, he claimed 9 days. With Pedrito as a witness, I tell him no more friends at the house, ever, whjatever he smokes-cigs or weed must be outside, failure to comply=out of the house. Or, pack a bag and I'll drive him to detox. He declined stating it wasn't necessary.

Useless junkie asshole.

Thanks Dana, you useless dead cunt.