Day 1253

Turning the page

Looking forward to tonight. WAS tempted to bail, Sunday was windy and freezing, but the winds have settled. Temps predicted to be actually "warm" -34- tonight. I'll take it. Doing my usual, staying over, avoiding Toxichouse at ALL costs.

And no, the tree STILL isn't finished. Bitch slept all day, went to a meeting (Work that sobriety! Buy Christmas gifts for everyone OTHER than your fucking husband, the one under the roof who pays every motherfucking bill.). Came in and attempted to pick a fight. I didn't answer, not a syllable. Can't WAIT 'til It goes back into the hospital. Hope Stoney has a metrocard.

And yes, cunt tried picking a fight this am. Has a fixation with my income, i.e. "all your money..." you'd THINK I was a millionaire. Rather, I make around 90, ALL of which goes to the bills. And this bitch harps on my "riches?" Don't congratulate me on my professional achievement, rather, reveal anger over my income-as you portray the victim, in fact, have made a life out of it.

Spin class this am, then off to nyc. Bring it on!!!!!

Ain't no one raining on my New Year's eve. Fuck 'em!

Day 1252

so much for that


2012 was NOT a good year. Yes, I got the gig I'd been working for all my life, my destiny IS in fact fulfilled. But too much loss.

My elementary school, shuttered.

The love of my life, as predicted, for her, was a may/december. For me, it was love.

My wife, praying for her death. Total bitch. Not even a piece of lint for me for Christmas.

My son, typical teenager. Dearly miss his sleeping next to me, one arm thrown over me. Now, an angry weed smoking asshole. His Mother's son. Turned against me by a cunt.

doing a Spin class w/Dennis Walcott, cool.

The other good news though, besides my job, my brother had a stroke, BUT, full recovery. Hey, we're ALL aging.

Can't wait for this calendar to change.

Day 1251

Confirmed my New Years eve plans, I'm good to go!!!

And, just when you lose faith: had Spin class, again, I was asked to come on board as an instructor. Yeah, I know-not earth shattering, but @ this point, the fat kid who couldn't do a lap around the gym needs the pat on the back.

Ho ho.

Day 1250

All was well until.....


Yesterday-thanks to the gym and my brain, was a very good day. Hit a morning spin class, an evening spin class, with a flick in the middle. Then...I made the mistake of going back to Toxichouse. Thereupon It tried to engage me in conversation about Its health. As stated previously, It first claimed diabetes, then hepatitis, now dying. So, die. do us all a favor. Not even thinking: does It even have insurance. Yet It never fails to throw in my face a cold fact I hadda present It with "we can't afford to bury you." It thinks I can print $$$, paying every fucking bill solely on my income. So, let Its friends collect the body. I won't. Also, after all that shit about my never.......I'll not set foot in a hospital. Fuck It, die.

Today, another vacation day. Gotta avoid the domicile, no prob. My usual morning run, followed by spin. Another terrific day.

Gotta stay healthy.

*and one factoid I find PARTICULARLY amusing: "you're  selfish." Love when THAT is hurled at me. Who runs a rehab???????? Rather than amass alcoholics anonymous groupies (after self medicating-remember the sleeping pills after too much coffee to process Avon orders?????), I got 26 patients and 22 staff in my care, but I'm selfish. Who led the Christmas party? What did I get in return: the joy of giving. But remember kids, I'm selfish. $800 to fix a fence the CUNT broke due to negligence, but I'm selfish-a fence that THEY wanted repaired so THEY can avoid walking the dog THEY wanted, rather, throw him in the backyard where THEY don't even pick up his shit-but critique where I put it. Oh, and since the CUNT has not a single penny taken out of Its disability checks, WHO pays the fucking tax for It????? But I'M SELFISH???

ANSD, It claims It bought his longboard!!!!!!! Scroll back a few posts to 2 years ago. I was very proud of getting him such a cool gift. Now, It actually convinced Itself (mental IS mental) that It bought the damned thing! Amazing.

Great Christmas. Fuck this crap.

Day 1249

So, die already

Today begins the start of my "vacation." Had so many hours, hadda use some time. Now, here's the prob. My son has been turned against me, his mother has successfully portrayed Itself a perpetual victim, so Toxichouse is NOT a place I'll stay for any extended period.

Thank GOD for the gym. Spin this am @ 9, then again tonight @ 7. By THAT point, I'll be too tired to give a shit.

Now, let this whole Christmas season thing sink in. Remember we USED to go visiting. Even Its friends/groupies are sick of the perpetual patient. Useless bitch.

But WAIT! It got better!!!!!

Again, tonight It tries being human, I indicate yesterday I said not a word until It did, agreed to "turn the page," then IT, again, went psychotic. It then attempted to update me on Its health. Let's be clear: I don't give a shit. Die.

...all this as Stoney plays one of the video games It bought him, totalling well in excess of $200, yetr can't even buy me a fucking card. Die. fucking die.

"I'm dying"

As I enter Toxichouse, It attempts to excuse Its bullshit behavior yesterday using the illness card, eventually dropping the "I'm dying" bomb. THEN, suddenly, I'm talking to a different person. I'm kind enough to say we need to turn the page, It goes off on a tear about my selfishness. I'd said, AT LEAST a card. it went off totally. Remember, it bought gifts for EVERYONE in my family except...the person who hooked the CUNT up with my family. THEN, gets me not a fucking thing for Christmas. Useless bitch.

And no, the tree isn't and never WILL be finished. Bitch didn't go to work today, day after Christmas, FUCKING tree still not done. Fuckit, no more.

Do earth a favor, die.

Day 1248

Ho ho WTF???

Got Stoney his $39 x 12 gym membership, got It a movie gift card. What'd I get? NOTHING. Not only that, I get torn yet ANOTHER new one. Merry FUCKING Christmas. The excuse: It bought the gifts for MY family. Now remember, Its family killed themselves, It ain't got nuttin'. BUT, It used THAT trump card to not even buy me a fucking card. Furthering the trail of dysfunction: the tree STILL isn't fully decorated, the tree topper was never found...... really.

And what hurt more than anything? Stoney giving It props on giving me a verbal beat down. REALLY gonna remember that when a withdrawl is attempted from First Bank of Dad.

Great parenting isn't it? Berate the father, use HIS family against him, THEN tear him a new one (same old story "When I was in the hospital........." Bitch, let it go. Who righted the ship while It was in the hospital? Who cleared the bills. Who paid for the fence IT broke, to be fixed? And my return: nothing. Not even a fucking Christmas stocking. Pathetic.

But WAIT, it gets better!

It got Stoney video games, in excess of $150, PLUS clothing. It spent well over $200, but couldn't even get me a friggin' card. Really, truly sad.

My mother would gut It like a trout.

Day 1247

Sucks

I, of course, get every responsibility, others play.

I buy the best tree ever, you really havta work to find places to put ornaments because it's so thick. Bitch can't find the tree topper ornament. It's friggin' Waterford Crystal!!!!! But MY  "O.C.D....." Useless bitch. It's barely decorated. I woke up this am, no stockings, nothing.

Truth be told, Bitch can't find anything. Good. Die.

But It DID go to church.

Nice job Jesus.

Day 1246

Amazing

Needy gym instructor? I, anticipating the glass half filled, expected Pilates. Nope. Good. Less baggage.

Get to the job, the person we were trying to bring in TODAY, for an interview TODAY, begs off-Christmas party. Does this person want the gig or not???????? Best of all, I came in JUST to interview this fool.

Amazing.

And no, Toxichouse's Christmas tree, still not decorated. Yet Stoney has the cojones to leave me a note telling ME to wash what I use. Amazing. Utterly amazing.

Thank GOD for my friends.

But WAIT, it gets better!!!!!

It finally realizes It has accumulated too much crap. I.E. with the Christmas tree, It finally dawned on It that It buys CRAP for the sake of buying CRAP. I.E. a briefcase. Inocuous thing, right? BUT, a briefcase w/a combination...that's locked...for which It lacks the digits.

Presenting problem WAS: It asked for garbage bags...to dispose of the CRAP It insists on purchasing. Actually made a comment re: 'how did this happen" when viewing Its pile of hoarder's crap.

And yet more! It asks why It is fatigued????????? Drink more Snapple, with MORE sugar...THEN crash. And wonder why you're fatigued.

Really Virginia, you canNOT make this stuff up.

ho ho.

Day 1245

Bastard

Ok, did the LIRRC Santa 5k. Glad I did. Saw my usual suspects-though my presenting peep-football dad, was a no show. Oh well, I had fun.

Then, Stoney.

I stopped by the gym to get his Christmas gift, I come into Toxichouse, what awaits me? A note telling me to wash the dishes I use. Fuck him!!!!! I do exactly that. Spoiled motherfucker.

Thank GOD I went out with Deb last night. We see each other once, twice a year. More than enough. We got it like that  ;).

Little motherfucking bastard. Imagine. Spoiledness leaving ME a note telling ME what to do.

Lay around the place asshole. See when First Bank of Dad reopens.

Day 1244

Motivation

Look @ Stoney's room yesterday, poster It pinned to the ceiling (really glad I sheetrocked, to have them poke holes in my work), one side hanging down, multiple holes from push pins. So nice.

Christmas tree, STILL not decorated.

Dog THEY wanted, STILL not walked, dogshit NEVER picked up.

It strolls in, pizza in hand (cook? not here), asking why I made a comment about one of her peeps, i.e. "if he lived here for a second he'd appreciate where he is." It couldn't BEGIN top comprehend the meaning. No heat, oven broken, washing machine broken (when you never balance a load, the drum hits against the side, eventually cracking, then flooding the basement). Essentially, what happens when you don't give a fuck.

Meanwhile, It speaks of Stoney's unrealistic aspirations. I.E. going to college, expecting a vehicle.....sure, I'll just print some more $$$.

And remember, It receives $900 a month. Where this goes? Not the house.

So, this am, we run. Good. See my peeps and let the assholes of the world accumulate more gunk in their arteries.

Ho ho.

Day 1243

Ahhhhhh

The patients' Christmas party was a major success. No decorations, tons of food and great time singing. Again goes to show: the spirit makes it!

The staff party? Eh. they couldn't get their shit together for Kris Kringle, couldn't get their shit together for even a grab bag, and the same person coordinatng that was claiming to be the victim of abuse. Yes, THAT person. Makes all sorts of unsupported allegations. And the day of the party no less. In truth, they canNOT take direction. Steadfastly refuse-yet won't step up either. Sound like a control issue to you?????

And the major lemonsuckers? Didn't lift a finger! Proof of their character. Ho ho.

So, if not for ME, yes ME, it would've sucked.

Ho ho.

Satan to the rescue.

And our tree @ Toxichouse, STILL naked. No one lifts a finger.

Good, useless assholes.

Day 1242

JEEEEEZ!

Too many grinches!

Ok, First, I buy the Toxichouse Christmas tree, ok. Cheaper than alimony.

THEN, I intercept mail, indicating It gets $788 monthly from disability!!!!!!! AND, Stoney gets $105! Yet WHO pays all the bills?????

Add to THAT, It contributes in NO way, shape, or form, to the bills. AND who gets torn a new one if they eat anythig in the fridge??????

Ok. Better.

BUT, add to this: one individual @ the job claiming abuse, yet in reality, merely CANNOT take any form of direction. Amazing.

Ho ho.

Thank GOD for the patients' Christmas party. If not for them, today would be a shipwreck.

Ho ho.

Day 1241

Ho!!!!!

Really not to be believed. Our staff have the easiest jobs on the planet, yet grouse about absolutely nothing. Case in point: one requested time off, it was approved, yet this person was going to go to the union to file a grievance. Why? This individual didn't have the form itself returned. Amazing. This is the same person who wasted countless hours worrying about getting their credential, THEN, worrying about getting a job here...then........real self induced drama. Amazing.

Ho ho.

So, this am, Pilates and Spin. I'm good!

And as stated earlier, yes, we have a REAL Christmas tree. Decorated? Of coruse not. THAT would require effort. It doesn't lift a finger, and Stoney? Was sick @ home for 2 days? Didn't do a friggin' thing, but smoke.

Ho ho.

I worked out, I'm good.

Day 1240

Grrrrrr!

Really should know by now, whenever it's this time of year, stuff happens.

I hit Toxichouse to poke my head in yesterday, who's there? Lil' bastard didn't go to school, poor baby! Not even going the "when I was his age" shtick, but it IS true. He gets away with murder. I should realize by now that giving him his week's lunch money was a crucial error. You know that's never being recouped.

This eve, Spin. Too much going on this am.

Day 1239

??????

I know it's Christmas season, but this is getting ridiculous. Staff are really being odd. Add to this, people acting as though they accepted this position to never report for duty. Amazing. Ho ho.

This am, back to Pilates. Felt good. After the mediocrity of the weekend, felt good. Dunno wassup with these bullshit 5k's, but canNOT seem to run the entire distance. Wassup wit' me?????

Day 1238

!

Did the Long Island Christmas 5k, glad I did. Saw the usual suspects.

Back @ Toxichouse, Stoney giving me orders-fat chance asshole. It blows in, takes him to the movies. Blows enough to buy a Christmas tree, but did It? Of course not, everything not fun is my job. So, we still lack a tree. It DID make space, however, with head up Its ass, didn't think to dig the base outta the basement or rain today.

THEN, after the movies, Applebees. As we have an empty fridge.

Amazing.

Day 1237

Bitch IS clueless

Had a very good day. Had the house to myself, but had some running around. Yes, this included going BACK to Manhattan. I'd regged to do a race in CP, but hadda boogie because the LI race is a must do. HADDA go in to pick up my shirt. Only a runner would appreciate that. You paid your fee, gotta get the shirt. Butt ugly, though Fordham maroon, yet, hadda pay for a LIRR round trip ticket to get a fucking shirt. God help me. Nothing good playing @ my AMC, it's THAT time of year, so did a bit of cursory shopping, and back.

Stoney had previously hit on me for $$.

So, Bitch gets in, HAS to give a directive-house is a mess, no Christmas tree hasn't made room for it-ten days left, no advent wreath (nice religion teacher, but of course meets Its own Bitch need to tell ME what I SHOULD be doing: "why haven't you gotten him I(Stoney) the gym membership yet?" Now, FIRST he asked for it for CHRISTMAS. Second, is the fence THEY broke and I must pay for, paid for yet? Third, as we now exist in the land of electric heaters, has anyone chipped in on the bill? Fourth, he IS 17, GET A JOB. Nope, easier to tell ME what I should do.). Must be nice to have the luxury of being able to direct others, yet do absolutely nothing. Roll back the tape to the Pile years-remember-I was telling It, it might be better to put some $ in the bank? But no, every peep got gifted, every peeps peep got gifted, yet we had no heat. Amazing.

Fuck 'em both. Enough. Who pays every motherfucking bill? And THAT'S why I've no prob paying $800 for a Stones ticket!

Gets even better. Come back from the race this am, temps ok, every fucking heater on. Stoney runs downstairs to tell me what I need to do. Fat fucking chance. THIS after he smokes, plays computer games, and ignores the dog HE wanted. Last time the dog got walked? Last time either of those 2 even THOUGHT of picking up dogshit? And the bike? After breaking my chops to bring it in, STILL has a flat. Has $$$$$ for weed, but no $ to fix a flat. Bitch has $$$$$ for takeout (don't THINK of cooking, easier/softer way) AND $$$$$ for shopping for CRAP to litter the basement, but no $$$$$ for bills. And remember, after paying $800 to have a gate fixed THEY broke, I'm supposed to pay $57 x 12 for a gym membership? Ho ho ho.

Day 1236

SHIT!

What an AMAZING show! With an $800 ticket price, we thought we'd be on the floor, like in the 11th row. Nope. We were in the section facing the stage, opposite end of the arena. AND, they were great seats! Plenty of leg room, no one in front of us, HELLUVA concert, no opening act, easy commute. What wasn't to like? Amazing. Really amazing.

Day 1235

We're there!

Finally, last day of this training. It IS going well, but really, after HOW many decades? I'm NOW required to attend a supervisory training??????

But it DOES put me in perfect placement for tonight's fun! Should be interesting, first time @ a new venue.

Sbyil brings in Chinese food, no milk in the house, grills Stoney about his intake thereof.

And no, no Christmas tree yet. amazing.

Day 1234

Cloooooose

Was odd being @ One Penn Plaza. This is the building that towers over MSG, see pic below. why odd? Tonight's the big concert. Weird being right there, the excitement in the air IS palpable, but not even wanting to go. It's being carried on all the channels. So, IF I had gotten a ticket, imagine the knee pain, in a shit seat, for hours and hours.

No thanks. Do the training, roll downstairs, hit the train asap.

And, manana, STONES!!!!!

Day 1233

Out of my comfort zone

...not a bad thing, but not the s.o.s.

Today starts another odd week. 3 days of supervisory training. Yes, after doing this for 22+ years, I'm required. Joy. Hey, at least I'm getting well paid to sit. Note: @ no place are the words "stay awake" included.

Got a call yesterday from a former peep, left the state to go work for Suffolk Co Probation. He acknowledged that moving to county was an error. Still, great to hear from him. We're alot alike, nice to know there are other "lifers" out there.

Downside: had tix for Letterman taping. You'd think I could make it, but the Letterman peeps want you there @ 2pm. Training ends @ 4:30. Oh well.

and no...Bitch STILL didn't make room for the Christmas tree. Ho.

Day 1232

Needed it

Woke up, was on the fence re: sleeping in or hitting the gym (raining, so no run). Got to the gym, class cancelled. Good. Got tired of the me me me-ness of the instructor. Rather than a good workout, you left the gym having breached far too many boundaries. So, my decision was made for me.

The rest did NOT suck  :).

Still hurting from Sybil's pathology. It doesn't even realize how it hurt that Its thrift store garbage populates the living room, yet a treasured gift is cast aside.  Amazing. Pure white trash. And the crap in the living room is there, merely crap. I.E. an end table with church bulletins. Books purchased @ the thrift store, which will never be read, rather, eventually cast off to the basement to warp and eventually be thrown out. Yet, the chair I spent a fortune on, for It to cuddle our baby....cast aside. Really white trash.

And Stoney? Actually had the balls to ask why I chained Hulk, rather than let him run free. Of coruse, I indicated he would receive an answer immediately following his return from walking the beast.

Day 1231

Long time

32 years ago yesterday, Loewenstein, Bakeoff, Shake n' Bake, my roomate Joe Santos, and I were in my room in college, trying to make sense of Lennon's assassination. Wow.

Did the 5m yesterday. sucked, when George Devoe passes you, you suck, but I finished. Flat, still hadda take walk breaks. Hopefully today's 5k will be a total run. tough to get motivated knowing the shit I live in. Still, I AM out there.

Yesterday I come in, It's behaved, aside from the fact that a rocking chair I gave as a gift is banished to the shit heap to make room, meanwhile, chairs and tables It got from the thrift store remain. Lovely. and it wonders why I don't get it anything of value (aside from the dollar store cookies It gave me last year-remember that? And the Applebees $15 gift certificate for my birthday???? Really. Yet cries poverty, in view of the shit It gives Its friends. Can't we hasten this diabetes thing???).

Day 1230

Shoe's on the OTHER foot!

Had a good day yesterday. After making a point to wake me up-you know, slamming drawers etc.....Bitch left for whogivesafuckwhere, so had the place to myself. Got a run in, hit a movie, then back to chill. Nice!!!

This am, a 5m, one of those "you live on Long Island so you MUST do it" races. This one's local, and has good memories-the first distance I misjudged-as in "gee this is an awfully long last mile" (confused this 5m with a 5k, DUH!!!).

So, the shoe? Bitch comes in @ 8:30, right to bed. This, after all Its shit about MY bedtimes???? How nice to have the luxury to do nothing but busywork all day then come home to bitch about someone else.

Day 1229

Back to earth!

Back to Toxichouse, a.k.a. land of a thousand space heaters. Bitch can buy pizza for dinner ( ahhhhh, parenting), but can't contribute to the bills. Hence, spends $ on electric heaters, since guess who pays the electric bill. Bitch. Pure bitch.

Today, though, it's ok. I again realize this is small time. the big picture is I am recognized by my peers, have great relationships with them, and had a couple of days away from the shit. Nice.

Thanks Cary!

This am, text asking if I was doing the Jingle Ball. How great to have friends!

Day 1228

Turning back into a pumpkin.

3 days of chillaxin's over. Last half day of the Director's meeting, back to reality.

Was terrific seeing the faces on the other end of the phone, reconnecting with Albany peeps (20+ years of history there), eating with peeps, NOT having a screaming Bitch follow me around the house to scream @ me/villainize me, and only 2 calls from the job. Not bad.

Day 1227

I'm NOT alone!!!!!

Working for 3 days in Albany, Director's meeting. Had a great time yesterday reconnecting with some peeps who been around for a while, talking history/mutual peeps etc... Turns out, they been through the same shit I go through with Uber Bitch! One, amazing enough, actually just got remarried. Amazing how some go for Bitch #2. But, love is love.

How great was it to go to bed and NOT have a raging Harpie trailing my every step. Wow. Forgot what a good night's sleep was like.

Missed Neil in Bridgeport last night, but since I can't be in two places @ once, I had a great night.

Day 1226

Hot dog rolls

Yes, hot dog rolls. It comes in last evening, actually speaking. Commenting on the unusual temps etc.....goes out, comes back and WHAM! Goes off big time, I'm so o.c.d., I'm impossible, my issues are so......"my friends are waiting for the chance to kill you" (lovely thing to say in front of your son). And all because: I put the hot dog rolls the BITCH left on the counter, in the fridge (we DO have mice???). Its response, "we don't have mice." Guess that's why the BITCH bought glue traps, AND we caught one not thirty seconds after I put one down (after having the BITCH rage about THAT also). p.s. this am, mouse shit on the counter. Good.

Surreal. It'd JUST come back from a meeting, and is, literally, following me around the place RAGING, SCREAMING of MY need for therapy. Real sober behavior.

Diabetes, work your magic.

Day 1225

Whew!!!!!!!

Helluva Sunday, amazing show @ The Paramount-Ian Hunter AND Graham Parker! 3rd row! Downside, Sunday nights are tough, but well worth it.

The extent to which I love that venue can't be described. AND, they handed you a poster! $50 for tix, 2 amazing bands, really something!

Then, this am, turned back into a pumpkin. Ass dragging, stayed up too late to see the season finale of Boardwalk. Missed getting my miles, but too far gone for that. Between my CRAP pace and so much else happening, don't have the luxury of worrying solely about me me me.

But, we rocked!!!!!!!

Day 1224

First Bank of WHATTHEFUCK?????

So, here's the deal: I'm supposed to print money for Stoney to join the gym-again, buy a Christmas tree, pay the kid for fixing the gate, heat the house, and NOT eat a bullet. In short, everything. Oh yes, AND Christmas is coming.

Last night, 12:45am, I havta hit the living room, to tell the two idiots to turn down the tv. Stoney responds "if you got oil we wouldn't have the electric heaters on, and we could hear the tv." To which I, of course, responded "get a fuckin' job and contribute, as YOU watch MY cable." Spoiled fuck. AND, this am, he leaves a note asking for $. Really.

The GOOD news? Bitch has diabetes. Good. Enjoy the Snapple. Idiot. Oh yes, and the sugar It insists on using in coffee, and leaving a trail of.

Payback's a what?

Day 1223

The season begins!

Normally, this is "breakfast weekend," Hot Chocolate 5k this am, Pancake 5k manana, but of course I hadda be dif. Doing the Hot Chocolate 5k today. This one's odd. starts behind a gym, kinds lonely, and always cold to start. But manana, a 5m in NYC takes priority. Since I've been off my usual sched this week, figured the distance won't hurt, though I'm sure my pace will. Also, been getting really close to my LI peeps, not a bad thing, was great, but-let's don't get TOO close. Made that mistake too often before. Absence/distance is a good thing.