Day 2056

Brrr!!!

A VERY cold night, but peaceful. That in itself is good.

Miss the hell outta Stoney and Sybil. But, It dealt the cards, now gotta wait and see. Just keep doing the right thing.

p.s.

What really REALLY hurts: knowing how much I love the woman I married and my son. I miss them more than words can describe, and to have them behave as they do slays me.

The worst pain of all.

Doesn't It think: If not for me, Stoney wouldn't exist?

...all this because I hadda take action?.........Would I have been better off to shrug it off, yes. But THAT would've been wrong. VERY wrong. And now I pay the price.

Day 2055

That REALLY hurt!

Hooked up w/Pedrito. Angela had, briefly, spoken with It for 5 minutes. Pedrito's mind is blown. Of course, he wasn't aware of much-It has a funny way of giving a jaundiced view of reality (gotta be a victim). He couldn't believe Stoney is allowed to carry on as he does, but he knows from whence THAT comes.

I DID forget to tell Pedrito Stoney's taunt of "what are you, a punk?" Probably, because I still can't believe any human would be so fucking cruel. After what he witnessed re: the behavior of his mother, it isn't surprising. But nontheless, it hurts.

This from a religion teacher?

Pedrito got a charge out of the Potato Incident. No one can believe that one.

And yes, both Pedrito and Angela knows It is a pig and a user. They both have It tagged. They don't come to Toxichouse because they're tired of climbing over Its shit, as well as just generally weary of Its popping up out of nowehere whenever It freaks over some contrived bullshit.

And also, yes, they know It has Its "friends" brainwashed. They especially get a kick out of Its 2 main peeps. I'm always VERY happy It has peeps to lean on, that's terribly reassuring. BUT a true friend would call It on Its shit, i.e. "what the FUCK do YOU contribute to the house???"

Both Pedrito and Angela know It doesn't do jackshit. In addition to this chaos being a convenient smokescreen. After Stoney betrayed our trust, he now doesn't have me sleeping on the other side of the wall (Pedrito loved hearing his daily weed habit).

All I want is to sleep in my own bed.

...but I need counseling...

Day 2054

THAT hurt!

Of course Stoney ran to mommy (19 and THIS is how you behave? Smoke some more, it's working wonders for your judgement. You have a father who dearly loves you yet you believe all the bullshit your mother poisons you with. I pray he learns.).

You knew it was gonna get ugly. I thought when we shook on it, we were cool-having cleared the air. Little did I know-with a bruised rib and black eye, that It would, again, use this as an excuse to go full bore psycho.

Hope he's happy.

With all the talk of legal action, should I have had him arrested for assault? Of course not, that's not how things are handled. Should I have taken action against Its asbusive behavior? Again, of course not. But it IS tiring to be the only one doing the right thing.

So it goes..........

Called It!

Came in (fatal error) after (GASP!) leaving a window open. Stoney left the bathroom window wide open yesterday (I closed it, no biggie). Before I went to try to sleep (as Stoney and his peeps smoked up the joint) I opened the bedroom window. Came back to Toxichouse this pm, Stoney pushing for a fight. I'd (OHMYGOD) left the window open! Imagine!!!!! Ain't I a bastard. So, of course my things were, again, fucked with. Stoney was in my face pushing for a fight. Finally, he got it. After being punched in the kidney, I nailed him. Hadda. Not only did he have it coming, but you cannot hit your father.

This was actually a good thing. After his calling me a "punk," trying to get me going (THAT failed), the punch is what did him in. You do NOT hit your father. Period. I can live with the name calling and his being too fucking stupid-actually believing the shit his mother says (he repeats it all verbatim, he's VERY well brainwashed). But when he hit me, all bets were off. Let him do whatever he wants, but the punch was it.

I'm sure his mother will give me shit, good, It needs a life as It wallows in debt. It will never, ever realize how I suffered gracefully through Its daily abuse. But what REALLY hurt was his believing It. I thought he was smarter than that. I was wrong.

So, it hadda happen. Actually cleared the air. Painful, more so than he will ever know. But when he pays the price years from now, of believing all Its bullshit, and in the process wasting what SHOULD have been a great time in his life, all will be even.

God knows wassup, that's all that counts.

Day 2053

WTF?

Come in, Stoney tells me his peeps are coming over, so be scarce. Wonder why the shithole is toxic???? AND, what does PsychoBitch do? Not a goddamned thing. His peeps come over to Weedhouse to smoke up the place, and Ms.AA doesn't do jack shit. Fuck it, get heroin!!!!!!

Got my miles, in the snow. Got my Spin class. I'm ok.

Day 2052

Candyasses!

Fucking gym closed, wussies.

Fortunately, got called into the job. Nice part of 4 wheel drive-you can always get where you need to. Down side: see upside.

Weirdest of all, didn't need 4 wheel! Just didn't drive like an asshole.

See what a toxic home does? MAKES you get out when you'd rather chill under the covers. And I guaranFUCKINGtee, the Bitch will be blasting the tv-knowing I'm trying to sleep.

...but I need counseling........

Day 2051

How you like THEM apples?

Did The Manhattan Half. Wow. After the ankle sprain, was actually hoping it was made into a fun run, really didn't wanna do it, but hadda. Had my peeps check online sat night and text me the status. Sho' 'nuf, it was on. Got my usual parking spot, off I went. Did ok. After about 2 miles, anticipated mile 3, then 4, 5, 6. After 7 I hadda chill, but I finished!!!!! Nice to be back.

That having been said, after getting in from work, Toxichouse. Stoney asking if I ate "my apples,"  (?????), Bitch raging that I actually used the vacuum. Fucking amazing.

Meanwhile, got my taxes done. They will pay, I'm done.

...and all that crap in front of the closet? STILL hasn't moved. It needed an excuse to fuck with me-or try to (go ahead Bitch, I really don't care!!!!!!!!!), and now after all that anger on Its part, It STILL can't access Its closet. Fucking Psycho.

...but I need counseling.....

Day 2050

I'm BACK!!!!!

Since The Marathon, ain't been right. Between accidents, work changes, toxicity of the home, and the ankle sprain, running has been off. REALLY sucked to be out of the groove, but extensive crosstraining helped-Pilates and Spin.

Regged for The Manhattan Half. PRAYED it would be made into a fun run due to the snow/rain. No such luck, it was on, the precip over sat eve. Off I went. Would the ankle hold up?

Did well. This race ALWAYS sucks, pace-wise. BUT, miracle of miracles, the ankle held!!!!!!!! The other leg gave me grief, but I did ok. AND, got to see my nyc peeps. REALLY miss those days, but I'm awright!

Day 2049

Good news/Bad news

Good news: had a really good day. Started with a run, then Spin + weghts. Nice. Caught a flick, went to work, good.

Then, Bitch struck! Came in, petted the dog, It used THAT as the excuse to rage about...whatever, who really gives a fuck. Bottom line, It needs to be angry. Fuck it, Bitch is truly useless. Thisd asm, snowing. The shovel? Who fucking knows. I had it by the back door, it's probably under a pile somewhere. Angry fucking Bitch. Take some meds, get a life.

Day 2048

PsychoBITCH!

I really should be grateful, due to It, I had a GREAT workout!!!

Bitch was RAGING, as It sat feeding carcinogens into Its hair (go blonde, cancer loves you!!!!!). It had colored Its hair, again ignoring the link between cancer and putting toxins on yourself (where do you think they end up??? There is a direct link between lymphoma and hair coloring, fucking moron. THIS, from the person who was treated for melanomas, yet sun worships.).

So, It was STILL raging about Stoney not having healthcare. Remember, he smokes @ least daily, take that $$$, he'd have great coverage. Nope, instead, get pissed @ me, who works and comes home. Ain't I a prick???

So, got my miles, did Spin. Did a touch and go @ Toxichouse, where the dining room table, living room, basement, bedroom, are ALL covered in Its CRAP! It was raging, went to the other gym to do weights, felt REALLY good!!!!!

...but I need counseling......

gonna go color my hair and smoke some weed.

Day 2047

Total BITCH

First, my day. VERY good!!!!! Chilled, got my miles, then Spin. Caught a flick, then...waiting outside for a meeting.

Bitch TRIED calling. Hadda go to a meeting since Stoney and his peeps were busy smokin up his room. So, there I sat. Bitch canNOT understand that I have Its calls blocked.

Turns out, It freaked because I ate potatoes. Remember that shit about eating Its food? Like people don't share as a family????? So, It was having (another) meltdown. THIS is what Jesus would do? It finally comes in, BARGES into the bedroom, SCREAMING "I pray you have a slow and painful death!" Guess It really likes potatoes.

Wait, it gets better!!!!! Now, the dining room table is COVERED in crap (It IS a pig), in addition, It now has a penchant for recycling (until it becomes work). So, naturally, I combine all garbage together. It, again, BARGES into the bedroom, SCREAMING about it. This time raging that "YOU SHOULD FUCKING DIE, YOU SCUMBAG." Check the Youtube site, over 400 hits.

So, what have we learned? #1: It REALLY likes potatoes and I have no rights to anything in the fridge-pray for it to break, and #2: It's REALLY into recycling-or whatever can put it into as rage (i.e.the shit in front of the closet, the shit on the table, basically anything).

Bitch.

Day 2046

THIS is why I work?

Didn't get to Spin yesterday, thank GOD I froze my balls and got my miles. Got called into work, good. Make a buck and be physical. So, do my hours, get home, Bitch behaved, go to sleep. 2:31 am wake up to piss, Stoney blasting a disco beet on his pc. FUCK. When I object, his response: "Fuck you." Nice. How's college?

Day 2045

Walk into Fairway, Kashmir is playing, today is gonna be a great day!!!!!


Did my Line this am, actually felt warm (whould'a thunk 32 degs would feel warm?), now tonight Spin. Doing well.

Day 2044

THAT'S funny!

Come in last night, Bitch asks if I "have any money?" SURE, just grab from The Pile. Stupid Mental Bitch....Turns out Stoney needs $ for college, no shit? After Pedrito gave up the thousands he was supposed to get @ 21 due to listening to Psycho's panic? After earning how much @ Target, only to blow it all on crap and weed? Instead, the guy who's stuff is constantly fucked with, the guy who pays all the bills, the guy who is threatened with legal action if he touches anything in the fridge, the guy who never gets mail @ home, the guy who found not one but TWO checks (Geico and Transamerica) lying on the living room floor because Bitch AGAIN opened his mail.....I'm supposed to pick cash from my magic money bag to enable this bullshit? As I said numerous times, I'll pay every penny, if they tell me which they wish NOT paid: the mortgage or the cable bill. Fucking morons. How much did Bitch spend on crap It doesn't need? How much, in interest alone, did It pay in credit card bills, for the shit It doesn't need? Not one PENNY of which went to household bills??? Keep spending like a child, this is what happens. Oh, was I thanked for any of my work, for providing a home for 24 years? I don't expect it, but neither do I expect to be abused-my things arbitrarily moved whenever It gets a whim, Its rage whenever It is forced to deal with reality.

...but I need counseling??????????

35 degs today, got my miles, heading to the gym. Yay!!!!!!!

Day 2043

Whew!

Got my miles, then Spin, then chilled. Came in, Bitch blasting the tv @ nursing home volume (12am). Asked if Stoney worked, told "why don't you ask him?" Bitch. Pure, total Bitch.

Fuck the Psycho, I'm ok.

Day 2042

FUCK!

Temps in the teens!!!!! This IS, though, the time of year when-between snow/slush/cold-crosstraining is a must. Hence, Spin + weights this am. Thank GOD for the sauna!!!!!

Day 2041

WOW!

Who'd a' thunk these temps would feel warm? 31 degs, feels good!!!!! Ran The Line, now a cool down w/Spin.

A very good week.

Day 2040

Yummm!!!

Crisp, not cold morning. 30 degs. Good part of working outside for 8 hours-you get used to the cold. So, got my miles. Now, Spin, then Pilates!

Day 2039

Brrr.

This is the season where running can hurt, and the gym can help. A good mix between the two, and I'm ok. Got my miles yesterday, then Pilates, then Spin. then Toxichouse where Stoney kept me up all night (funny, I hum quietly, he objects to "the noise." He blasts his computer, claiming he can't adjust the volume (headphones?????), and I'm supposed to object? Remember the water? Bitch bought Poland Spring (BUY water? Then whine about finances?????), he actually counted the bottles(get a life!), for fear that I partake? Yet, I made it a point, just for g.p., to bring in a couple of cases, found them opened and contents removed. No prob, who's stated in the will?

So, got my miles this am, dressed appropriately, then Spin. Nice. Feeling really good. Not rested, but good.

.....but I need counseling.....

FYI, remember the drama over The Closet? It made a point of moving MY shit from My space because It had so much CRAP in the pile, It couldn't access Its closet? Well, It hasn't moved a fucking thing in over a week. Think the Bitch has issues? HAD to make a point to move my stuff over some contrived bullshit (because YOU have a huge pile of crap I havta move MY stuff????). Sick Bitch.

This, from the same person who HAD (note, past tense) to trudge through the den, when in fact the front door is closer. This, from the same person who RAGED that I removed Its shit from my workbench in the basement. the same shit that hasn't been moved for over 3 weeks.

...but I need counseling.....

sick Bitch.

Day 2038

Lost my wallet, DAYUM!!!!!


This is the tricky part, replacing stuff which could lead to id theft, darn darn, double darn. At least I'm ok and had a good day on the job, came in, Bitch quiet. Actually got a good night's sleep! Nice.

Day 2037

Better!

Had a very productive weekend. Got my miles, Spin  class both days, weights will be today, along w/Spin. When I came in, Bitch quiet. VERY nice.

Day 2036

Ha!!!!!

Come in, It RAGING. ??? THIS time: I left the screen door open...yes kiddies, It-who left the screen door as well as the gate (HOW much did THAT cost to fix?????) actually had the Psychosis to get pissed when I did it. Take your meds.

Also, you gotta love it: It steals my clothes from the den, then breaks balls over locked boxes. Hmmmmmmmm, wonder why they're locked? Payback's a what?

Enjoy your church, Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezus loves you.

Day 2035

Pity.

Pity It didn't say "thank you," for my working 24 years, no sick days, to provide income and benefits that saved Its life. Now It owes over $900 to a doctor. Pity.

Pity I can't come home to actually receive my mail. As It's car gets booted for non payment of tickets. Pity It can't manage even the simplest of finances.

Pity I can't partake of the food in the fridge for which I pay electricity. Can't WAIT until that fridge breaks. That'll be a pity.

Pity It breaks my balls about my "sex addiction," (online porn). Pity It doesn't make any effort whatsoever to entice me.

Pity It breaks my balls about taking our son out of religion when It was in the hospital;, yet while during this same period all our bills were managed and It returned to a home in order. Now It's awash in debt and the house is toxic. Pity.

Best of all, the interest charges on Its various credit cards could've totally paid Stoney's tuition! (oh wait, that's another one: "you didn't pay for your son to have health insurance." Excuse me, 1)he works, he can pay 2)take the weed money, it'll both pay for insurance as well as rent   3)keep enabling, Jeeeeeeeezus loves it!

Got my miles, freezing, but I loved every second! Now, off to Spin!

Day 2034

Got meds?

First, it was the shit It insisted on having atop my workbench in the basement (which hasn't been touched in 5 weeks).

Then, the gate that used to keep the dog out of the den.

Then the guitar and amp in front of my closet.

Think It has nothing better to do than develop points of obsession? Sick Bitch......but I need counseling.......It can't speak in a normal tone, throws Its spouses' belongings to the floor, randomly decides It arbitrarily objects to the location of belongings It doesn't own, verbally abuses It's spouse...but I need counseling.

So, not only got my miles (snow, YUMMM!!!!!), but Spin  +  Pilates. Nice.

This am, Spin + weights.

Day 2033

I can always get more shit, but you'll still be a Bitch

Yesterday was tough. It on a major tear. End result: more of my shit taken from the den. Good. Enjoy. I can always get more shit, It'll STILL be a Psycho.

The rage? Same shit, dif day; I'm Satan, I'm an asshole, I have a sex addiction, I'm a terrible father...the usual. So It feels It'll get back @ me (for being Satan etc...) by stealing. Such a great example for a religion teacher. Not to mention a shining example for our son (should'a heard what HE called It).

Great motivation though! Got my miles this am, in spite of the cold. Now hitting the gym. And I owe it all to a Psycho Bitch Mental Case. Yay Jeeeeeeeeesus!

(oh, MORE good news!) Finally got some mail-you know, the other shit It steals. Guess what was among today's mail? An overdue ticket! Imagine, the mother of your son keeping tickets from reaching you? (Jeeeeeeeeesus did THAT???). So, went online. THEY WERE DISMISSED!!!!!!!!! Thanks God! Good looking out!

Payback's a what?  ;)

Day 2032

Enter Toxichouse, Bitch on the couch (nice song title!). Apparently been ruminating, i.e. "when did you refinance? Do you pay the taxes....." Of course, my response: "call the mortgage company." Fucking moron. Too much unstructured time. Has nothing better to do than break balls. I thereafter responded with information about Chemo Brain and 'Roid Rage, of which It wanted to hear nothing. Fucking psycho Bitch.

On the good tip: 3 days off doesn't suck. Three, THREE, 3 classes @ the gym yesterday (4 actually): Stretching, Yoga, Pilates, Spin. This am: Spin. With temps in the teens, staying in.

Gotta outlive the assholes.

Day 2031

Got meds???

Come in, Stoney hangin' w/his peeps. Video games n' weed. Nice life.

Bitch enters, ranting, again, but this time add violence. Throwing my things, guitar to the ground, took my phone, threw my belongings. Best of all, Stoney RUNS to the scene to see what I was doing to It??? Think he's brainwashed? A lethal mix: PsychoBitch + brainwashed Stoner.

...but I need counseling........

Pilates, then Spin. Fuck 'em, stayin' healthy.

Day 2030

Deja Vu?

Again, my stuff moved. Goes on a rant about...whatever. Who really cares. Bottom line: piles of crap all over the basement, living room, dining room, Its corner of the bedroom. Yet Bitch MUST move my belongings. Again, got mental????? Take some more meds, you need them badly.

The Line this am, 39 degs. Felt realllllllly good. Manana, sub 20's. Gotta get the miles while I can.

Day 2029

Pure unadulterated Bitch!

Left yet another toxic message on my phone. Can't get through Its thick mental head that I never get Its calls. Get in last night, RAGING about my having the BALLS to move my stuff back to where it was (in front of my half of the closet). WTF??? It hadda move my stuff to get to ITS half of the closet, because It has SO much CRAP! So, I'd had enough, yelled right back, telling It to move Its pile o' debris. Really. Could you BE more mental?

So, WTF? It took steroids, lots of them. Ever hear of  " roid rage???" Wonder if the Mental Case told Its friends all about that??? Of course not, better/easier to portray me as Satan. Imagine, I had the BALLS to put my things back to where they were, after they'd been arbitrarily moved??? Ain't I a prick? Fucking psycho.

BUT, to every Yin is a Yang:

Got the call from the dealership. Veeeeeeehicle ready. I was nervous. But, the good part of having a completely toxic address is you have nothing left to fear. So, whatthehell, off I went. They'd told me the cost was "978," so you can imagine my concern.

Manager wasn't there, the guy who'd said he'd "make it right." Hmmm.

I go to sign the receipt, "$9.78." WTF??? I actually questioned it (what the FUCK is wrong with me?????). Even the girl processing payments said "just take it and leave," but as we know, that's not me. I couldn't get over on them, it ain't right.

Turns out, the brake job was on them! It should be, the vehicle is barely 3 months old, but still. It IS used, and purchased "as is." I figured I'd havta pay through the fucking nose. Nice.

Sometimes, the right thing happens. Especially when a Toxic BITCH lives @ your address.

Rain this am, Spin + weights. Feeling ok.

Day 2028

??????

So, sleep in Toxichouse, where my son COUNTS the number of Poland Spring bottles-in an effort to keep his father from drinking any. So, I bring in my own. What does he do? Violates my space, grabs a couple. In the real world, not a problem. In Toxichouse it's a problem-they can do whatever they want-access my belongings etc..., but God forbid I partake. Fuck 'em both, I'm ok. I can always get more water, he'll still be Stoney/ It'll still be a Mental Bitch.

Got my miles, now Spin. God is good!!!

Day 2027

Shameless

Toxichouse was apparently used as the example for the house on Shameless. Just hit me watching the marathon yesterday. THAT's just the architecture! Last night, sleeping @ 10, Bitch BUSTS into the bedroom, turns the light on, wakes me, asking how to use my phone (stupid FOB lost Its phone.....again...after slamming the front door repeatedly). Fucking mental case. THEN tells me I'M useless. Funny.

All I got to say, 36 degs. Hitting The Line. Fuck 'em all!

Day 2026

Another year!

Broke the "gotta do it because I been doing it for years" cycle. For one third of what I spent for New Years, joined Planet Fitness for a year, have 24 hours access (escape from Toxichouse), saved a buttload of $$$, and slept well. Nice.

Hit the gym New Year's Eve, hit a meeting, asleep by 10. Nice.