Day 1761

THAT hurt

Like I don't have enough shit? Yesterday I come across papers It wrote, portraying Itself as a victim, me of course Satan. Questioning Its choice in marriage-as in: should'a married one of the others (queen of should'a, could'a, would'a), of course feeding off It's main peep claiming "He was always rude." That shit really hurts. Great to be judged isn't it? (really working that program-"don't take inventories," yet I seem the main subject don't I? Easier than looking @ yourself.) Not to mention the usual: claiming I disconnected the phone to isolate It from Its son-never mind I was working/eliminating our debt/assuring Keith got to school. That counts for nothing. Likewise, not to mention my efforts kept us in a home in which It lifts not a finger. It uses It's main peep from Back in the Days-who never had a career, yet does a great job as a wife and homemaker-AND finds ways to earn. What does It do? Plays the victim really well, and when I need It most? Furthers Its victim stance.

So, how is this unusual? Not at all, except for the fact that @ 2:33am (yes Virginia, you read that right) our son awakens me to break my balls about leftover pizza. Yes, you read that right. Does It call him to task for waking me up, let alone getting pissed about leftovers???????? Nope. wonder what Jeeeeeeesus would do? Yep, go teach religion, don't clean you house or act as a wife to your husband. BUT, feel free to take his inventory constantly, and run him down to all your groupies. Good wife, real good wife-as husband struggles to keep everything afloat It tears me a new one. Really makes me feel good.

***i.e. last week, It fed cold cuts to the dog. Remember, if I TOUCH anything in the fridge, SWAT is called. But the dog gets leftovers. Tell THAT to your main peep.

Wonder what It's peep would do? Call their children to task. Me? Satan, nothing.

God it isn't easy.

BUT, God took care of me. I gave Keith $6 to cover the pizza, best to shut him up, but I had a coupon for $10 off a purchase of $10 or more. Nice. The way I figure it, I'm in the black. Thanks God.
REALLY needed it.

I can't BELIEVE It truly believes It's a victim? Basically claiming I behaved differently prior to marriage. I'm nothing if not consistent, but it's much easier to avoid responsibility by being a victim.

Another nugget: It claims I'm a horrible father as I told It I couldn't care for Keith. Now let that sink in. While It was in the hospital, who made sure ALL was attended to? Who made sure he missed not a nanosecond of school? While It allowed him to miss school basically whenever he wanted. I assured ALL was done. But according to It, I shirked parental responsibilities??????? Right, I went to the beach with my friends to work on my tan, after my cancer diagnosis.

When I need It, It-of course-fails.

When I need Keith, he goes off, big time.

Fuck me.

All I wanted since before saying "I do" is for It to be happy. What transpired was cancer-like I caused that? Thereafter, MY job enabling Its recovery. Horrible ain't I? If not for MY benefits, It'd be dead. Good thing Satan had HIP.

Likewise Stoney: told him this am (@ approximately 2:38am), all I want is his happiness. Remember, this is the same individual who FREAKED that I (gasp!) washed dishes @ 6am-making "noise," yet it's ok to wake up your father because of leftovers?????????

FUCK me!