Day 1964

2 days

Until The Big One!

Ran yesterday, bumped into a Big One peep. We compared notes. REALLY great knowing I have peeps wherever I lace 'em up! THIS is what slays me about the Bitch's current/OUR former friends. I always bought the concert tix when we went out, they never did shit. NOW, I'm satan to them due to the bullshit Bitch told them???? One way gullible assholes. Meanwhile, my running peeps challenge themselves, DAILY accomplish more than Bitch does in a week, and ask for nothing in return. amazing.

Also, got a call from Football Dad. Really, the only dif between me and him is he's white. otherwise, we're quite similar. Life is good.

Day 1963

3 days until The Big One. Making progress.

Ran yesterday, will get my miles today. Picked up my latest vehicle, bought rather than financed (I learned my lesson.). Now the REAL news: come in, what awaits me on the kitchen table??? My healthcare info. Remember, I live in a place where everyone BUT me opens my mail.

...but I need counseling................

Day 1962

Close(R)

Couple'a more days until The Big One. Temps supposed to be dropping, snow possible Saturday. Bring it on! After resigning from a job I had for 24 years, losing a prized vehicle (for which I'd paid over $60,000-$450 per month for over 5 years!!!!!!!!), totaling 2 vehicles in 3 weeks...running a marathon will be cake by comparison.

Yesterday Stoney asks for a lift to work. I asked for the Netflix password, he answers 'Mommy pays for it." What's the dif? I pay for EVERYTHING. I will never ever again give him my password for anything. What a horrible thing to do, believe it, he's got a bit of an attitude. Call him "one way." AND, he then retorts with the tired bullshit about my not paying for family healthcare (after my mail gets opened by everyone BUT me. Remember, this is the prick who texted me about-gasp-alleging I took an empty bag from his room!!!). Take the weed money and spend it there if you're so interested. As your mommy drives your car.

...But I need counseling........................

What I love, among other things, is the attack on my watching internet porn. #1: like anyone has a right to screen my online activities, especially something that came out of me????? Got boundaries? (but I shouldn't set foot in his room???). #2: if your mother met Its wifely duties, internet porn wouldn't be needed.

But I need counseling......

Day 1961

Amazing.

Stoney asks it to turn down the tv, it does. No earplugs, no nothing.

5 days until The Big One. Nothing else matters.

On my way to the job yesterday, one block away, BOOM! thank God I have great insurance.

Day 1960

Amazing

Got in  last night (5am actually), Stoney blasting tv, having an attitude. Asks me not to steal his socks (???). When I go to sleep, ask him to turn down the tv, he doesn't. I go downstairs for the couch, It angry, tells me I should get earplugs. Yes. Really. Can you believe this shit????? Doesn't  mention anything about common courtesy or even basic respect, no, I should get earplugs.

But I need counseling......

Fuck 'em , 6 days until The Big One. Nothing else matters.

Hope they enjoy reading my blog, you DO realize I have ZERO privacy.

...But I need counseling.....................................

GoodER news: ran into peeps both before and after this am's run. 6 days to go.....

Day 1959

All Saints Day

PsychoBitch makes posters for religion class, All Saints Day. last night, I indicate hadda be up early for a Manhattan Race/could It PLEASE not BLAST the radio. Of course you can guess the reaction. It was approximately 9:30pm, I needed to wake up @ 3, It made a point to sing (off key of course) @ the top of Its lungs, after I asked It to turn down the radio. It had had either coffee or something, and was off the deep end, baiting me. @ one point, an inch from my face screaming as I lay in bed.

All Saints Day? Go Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeezus. You can keep the Bitch. Fucking hypocrite.

But I need counseling..................................................................

Day 1958

Sucks for her

DP had colon cancer, spread to her liver. Jeeeeez. Suuuuuucks.

Crisp, cool temps, perfect for running. In a couple'a days 65-70. Wow.

DP's shit really puts things in perspective.

What a fucking year.

Day 1957

TRIED Spin class, fucking instructor didn't show. Me and another peep did a self directed class.

Rain preempted any thought of running.

The good news: It did something!!!!! After 3 weeks, The Pile of clothes on the side of the bed (on the floor) is actually moved.....to the pile of clothes blocking the bedroom window.

But I need counseling....................

(and what was to blame for The Pile not moving? "If you left the remote I could'a watched tv and the pile would have been put away.......")

But I need counseling.........................

Day 1956

The more things change...

In AA there's a saying, "went back to the bar, same asses on same stools..." this is true in life as well. Went to the library to copy my confirmation for The Big One, ran into Gilda and Glenda. Asked how the office was going, same stories, same shit. Miss the peeps, don't miss the bullshit. Going out daily to try try try, all too oftrn with zero net gain. No thanks.

This am, more rain, Good. Spin is there to rescue me. My only concern there: when the instructors tell me "haven't seen you in a while" (a kind comment, nice to be missed), my response is always "it's raining, otherwise I'd be running," or "you ever notice nobody changes here. No one's weight goes down?" Spin is great, IF you apply yourself. Few participants do. Most waste their time kidding themselves that they're actually doing anything constructive. They stay in their comfort zone.

And no, the piles of crap haven't moved.

Day 1955

Hump Day!

And an unplanned rest day.

Rain, yech, but, it could be worse. DP has colon cancer. Think I got problems? Nope.

Spin instead. Gotta go with the flow.

And no, Its suitcase from Its August trip hasn't moved from the side of the dining room table, after 3 months. and no, the pile of clothes on the side of the bed-now on the floor-hasn't moved in over a week. Fucking pig. But I get interrogated re " why do you, why haven't you, why is this?" It's on steroids, again. Wonder why its crazy? But I need counseling..........................

Day 1954

Did ok.

Hadda go to DMV to get a dupe title, not too bad. THEN, look for a replacement vehicle. Got a hold of something, we'll see.

BUT, first thing in the am, IT. Again, went totally nuts, confronting me with porno It claimed I'd viewed online. THAT was one of several things it rages about. Of course I told it to do what It hadda do.

Imagine a judge's reaction "your honor, my husband was watching pornography online." Spare me.

This am, cool, crisp, great for running. Of course It and Stoney have heaters on. Typical.

Day 1953

;)

Finished the weekend on a high note.

First, it DIDN'T rain-always good. Second, after only a mile the day before, (did I mention I won in my age group?) got needed miles in-on a crisp cool morning. Nice.

Best of all, left before It woke up, came in when it was sleeping!

Starting today on a high note!!!!!

Day 1952

Shit to the left, shit to the right, stuck in the middle with you

Came in, It went (again???) to a yard sale (last thing It needs is MORE crap). This translates into: crap EVERYWHERE. I had to leave the house to get some air. What a fucking psycho!!!!!!!!!

The best part: It questions ME!!!!! Like It has a right?

Arose this am, It has the tv on, eyes closed. I shut off the tv off, It awakens from Its coma raging. You'd THINK rather than laying around like a fucking vegetable, It would clean the fucking debris It left everywhere. Nope, better to try to call me raging about something It can't find. What a TOTAL fucking mental patient. Best of all, minutes later, It shuts the tv off! You STILL think I make this up? Check the Youtube site, look for today's post, you'll see the whole thing. Thank GOD for digital recording.


So now, as of 6:30 in the am (you know, when the rest of the world is waking up?) It goes to sleep. Poor thing. Eat more candy, your dentist will love you.

The good news? Did Rob's race, actually placed in my age group!

Day 1951

Yin/Yang

Came in last night, It-literally-following me up and down the stairs RAGING. Same old shit, but this time It added threats of posting my alleged internet use all over. Go ahead.

Now, wonder, how would It come upon knowledge of what I allegedly view online? Right, my own son. Now, again, wonder what would posess him to do such a thing? What would posess anyone to thusly violate another's privacy? THAT'S the real issue. But THAT would involve parenting vis a vis boundary issues. Remember, He alleged I went into his room, meanwhile, has no problem screening my alleged internet use.

And, the internet use is about porn!!!

So, go ahead, post it, tell the world! I look @ porn!!!!! Amazing.

Can you imagine using a son to gather alleged dirt on the father? But I need counseling...

So, this am, ran with my peeps. Wonderful people. Was really nice.

So, what have we learned? Fathers have no right to privacy. They that look @ porn need counseling, and children have every right to have zero respect for boundaries.

Insanity is?

Doing the same thing over and over, expecting dif results.

It canNOT internalize: Its calls are BLOCKED. Just got a message from brotherfromanothermother. It called questioning the whereabouts of a shirt It had in Its closet 3 days ago. Let that sink in. Shipwreck asking ME where Its shit is?

But It STILL thinks my phone accepts Its calls.

As though I actually gave a fuck about Its shirt?

Meanwhile, It had taken several of mine-but that's ok. (Unless It suddenly got a job @ Creedmoor, custom printed black shirts, or developed a taste for Led Zeppelin?).

But I need counseling.

Remember when It got flats? Alleging I'd vandalized Its tires? My response: "I wouldn't waste a nail."

What a fucking psycho.

Day 1950

Defjam!!!!!

My Make Believe Peeps @ CID hooked me up with tix for DefJam's 30th @ The Barclay's. they took their kids, I brought Pret. They'd seen the Youtube post, they knew about Stoney's behavior. Wish he was with me, but he really has to learn common decency. I.E. the other night, I came in @ midnight, den was a mess, started vacuuming. Both he and It got on my case-remember, It had vacuumed @ 1:30am as I tried to sleep (got Bipolar???), but when I do so it's an issue-despite both of them being wide awake.

So, we partied @ The Barclay's. DMX was amazing, really a good show. Best of all, no violence!!!! Pret drove, thank GOD. LOVE Brooklyn, hate the drive/parking.

Got Mail?

Stoney contacted me the day before re: accusing me of going into his room and taking an empty bag.

I come in yesterday, an invitation is waiting on my placemat to celebrate the centennial of my high school.

It HAD been in an envelope.

That envelope was torn to pieces in the garbage.

Hmmmmmm.

Got privacy???????????????

...But I need counseling..................................

Day 1949

900!

Over 900 hits on my Youtube page re: the invasion of privacy @ Toxichouse. Wow.

Spoke @ an anniversary last night, went well.

Got my miles yesterday am, again, funny. When you get your miles, after that, nothing can bother you. Came in, It went to a yard sale (like it can afford more shit?). The result? Piles of crap everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE (how the FUCK can you be such a pig?). Shit on my pillow, all over the bed, all over the floor, literally EVERYWHERE. It was sitting @ my spot @ the dinner table, eating. of course I pointed to the 3 other spots saying "good thing I need counseling or you'd have nowhere to sit." This as Stoney sat playing video games, going thru the den to smoke with his peeps. Ahhhhh, home....

Thank GOD I'd had birthday dinner # 3 with my peeps. After they heard the bullshit I went thru with the food in the fridge, they took me to Ruth's Chris. Nice.

This am, teaching a class, be nice to see my peoples.

CurioSER and curioSER

Thought that shit about my son screening my internet activity was weird? It got better!

It comes in, with the older woman It tends to in tow, asking "how long will you be around?" "Why?" "Because she's uncomfortable with you here."

Yes, I should be made aware that someone unrelated, who means nothing whatsoever to me, is uncomfortable. And THEIR feelings are more important than .......I dunno.....ME?

Really, Toxichouse, where 2 + 2 = 5.

Amazing.

Day 1948

?????

So, I come in last night, have a few forkfulls of chinese food. Mistake. It RAGES!!!!! "Give me $ for food etc... "  (as it watches the cable I pay for, using the electricity I pay for, in the house I pay for.)Meanwhile, Stoney was sleeping on the couch (It was 1 am). Of course It canNOT speak in a normal tone, of course as a consequence of this, I again am reminded of my need for counseling (IT'S freaking because I had food from the fridge and I need counseling?). Of course, Stoney's breaking into my computer, monitoring my usage, telling It of my porno site visits, all that equates to "you have a sex addiction and need help." Ok, I look @ internet porn etc... Yes, I jerkoff at least once a day. That makes me an addict? If It was at all useful sexually would there be a need for internet porn? Thank GOD I'm healthy, with normal testosterone and hormone levels. No, that gets translated into my need for counseling, now, for sex addiction???

Oh, and "parenting?" No consequence for the son violating the father's privacy????? No, I don't have that right.

PLEASE take me to court. Tell the judge I jerk off. Tell the judge your son regularly violates his father's privacy (while you sit idly by and do nothing). Go for it!!!!!!!

Me and just about every other vertical male.

Amazing, fuckiong amazing. So nice to come home.

Day 1947

Irony

So, I'm out last night, brotherfromanothermother calls. I'd had my old phone # forwarded to him since all I got from Toxichouse were abusive calls-and he didn't mind being entertained by them (he saves them and puts 'em on his website. So far our dysfunctional family page has over 2,500 hits daily.). He called me saying my son was losing it. I was worried there'd been some emergency (THIS is why brotherfromanothermother gets calls @ that number, it's NEVER an emergency-remember when Sybil raged about yogurt?). He alleged I went into his room and removed a bag. Yes, went into his room and removed a bag. An empty bag. Of course I did neither-as though that would be a problem (ok to disrupt the entire house, leaving it a shipwreck, but...). Brotherfromanothermother was smart enough to call to follow up. I told him it was typical shit. Tried speaking with Stoney, to no avail. He was just plain raging. Pity. Wasted energy. Why I would do either is a mystery to me, and, saying the things brotherfromanother got to witness? He asked if Stoney was on meds. I replied of course not, he's a great person, but has his mother's problem with displaced anger. Brotherfromanothermother couldn't believe the attitude of disrespect. I reminded him I live with it daily, though will never return it in kind. Love conquers all.

His mother? Did the AA book all night, as It's son stayed up all night. Doing what? I think you know. Best of all, the person accusing me of violating HIS privacy (in the house for which I pay the mortgage), fucks with my computer. Go for it kiddo, can always buy another. Enjoy your anger.

Irony.

Good thing I'd changed my number, neither of them will ever have it.

Went to clean out the vehicle yesterday, was declared totaled. Who strolls over, a peep from Queens! He just happened to be in the 'hood!

Thanks God!

Day 1946

Whoops, there it is!

Got the call, vehicle is toast. Oh well. At least I'm ok.

Did the Half, did well, considering. Matched my best time there, only 2 breaks, ran consistently. considering the shit that was last week-a miracle. Considering the shit I live in, a miracle. Night before, Bitch screaming/raging about my need for counseling (that's what passes for "supportive spouse" after being involved in a major auto accident. It somehow has the right to scream like a fuckin' psycho, completely unprovoked. Makes for a good night's sleep before a major run). Thursday: car wreck. Tuesday: took a fall. Amazing I'm vertical.

Last night, no different. Bitch offering it's unsolicited opinion that I needed counseling, It's on a bit of a tear here. Happens cyclically. Needs more meds. I didn't say a word, but get this from the Useless Psycho. House is a fucking mess, It sits in the midst of it (went away for a week 6 weeks ago, suitcase is STILL in the middle of the kitchen). Amazing.

Last evening, retirement dinner, peeps be good!

You can choose your friends...............................

Day 1945

Told ya

All SEEMED quiet. Actually spent 6 minutes with Total Psycho Bitch in peace. Then...THEN...It went off.

We were in the bedroom, it rummaging through drawers getting what It perceived It needed for the night (a nightly ritual, you'd THINK it would take seconds. What do YOU need to get changed? Do YOU need to spend minutes going through drawers EVERY night? Of course not. but YOU'RE not a shipwreck.). I was on the other side of the bed, standing, waiting for It to get outta the way. THAT set It off. "You can't stand people looking at you (?????), " "COUNSELING!!!!! YOU NEED COUNSELING!!!" What a fucking mental bitch! I'm standing, silent, waiting for it to move. As a result, I get this? Not "how you feeling a day after the accident?" Fucking useless Bitch.

This am, Staten Island Half. HATE the drive, HATE the run, HATE the location. LOVE being away from Bitch.

Day 1944

Rain, not SO bad

Day before a half marathon, rest DOESN'T suck.

What DOES suck is not being able to chill @ home. @ Toxichouse, you wanna escape, not chill. With the air thick in weed scent, and Sybil (Ms.12 step) in the middle, it's not a nice place to hang. So, out I went. Had a nice day chillin' with my make believe friends, nice to have 'em when I can get outta myself.

Day 1943

Yin/Yang

Good news: got outta work early

Other News: Vehicle totaled.

Was no less than 5 blocks from home, asshole rushes outtta the right side into my passenger side, t-boned. I get pushed onto the median, head on into a pole, airbag deployed, thank God. I'm ok. Them: 3 Indians in a Corolla (insert joke _____). When the PD show up, they immediately indicate the obvious: "failure to yield" on his part, ditto from my insurance co. no shit, but nice to know anyway.

...so much for keeping a spotless veeeeehicle, lol!

Thank GOD for common sense: i.e. my insurance. There ARE cheaper, but none as user friendly.

Day 1942

Truth IS stranger......

So, Stoney now is a total smoker. Ganja wasn't enough, now in the am has to have morning coffee ("please don't drink the half n' half") + a cigarette. Nice cough developing. And Shebitch? Does nothing, but enables the fuck outta him. Regularly hitting those AA meeting, teaching religion, while Rome burns.

Oh, speaking of enabling of enabling? Yesterday, hoopty #1 reappeared, just in time for hoopty #2 to disappear. Guess it subsidizes the neighbor's repair business. The car it bought for Stoney (and pays the insurance) is having electrical problems ("oh, I love my moonroof."). Amazing. He hasn't driven it at all, well over a year, and yet it needs repair.

But I need counseling.

Day 1941

?!

"Please don't drink the half n' half."

Those are the words that greeted me upon seeing what came out of Plaintiff yesterday night. my response "you don't 'drink' half n' half, I used it in coffee." Amazing. "Please don't use my cable" should'a been my response, but it just isn't worth it. let him grow up not knowing how to share. When the fridge breaks, I will rejoice.

Got my miles, then it rained. Joined peeps for birthday dinner #2. Nice. That + concert tix-they were smart enough to NOT send them to Toxichouse, you KNOW where those'll end up?

Came in, it asked if I worked (I was wearing a blue shirt). apparently you must work to wear that color. Again, like It has any right to know anything.

Obsessed?

Btw, gotta love the preoccupation w/the den. Got displacement?

Yesterday, It went to do laundry, used the front door. funny. THEN, it was easier.

Get a life.

Day 1940

55 doesn't suck!

Did Stoney even bother to sign the card? Nope. Didn't lift a finger, but smoked up a storm. Can't wait 'til he asks for a lift.

The gift? A card with a note: "we'll buy you a storm door." We'll see when THAT happens. Eric would've solved the problem, but they interfered. Lets see.

Spent a terrific day. Slept in, met peeps for lunch as well as dinner. Really nice. And no, they can't believe Bitch allows Stoney to do absolutely nothing. He has it well trained.

Day 1939

Awoke to 16 birthday messages, nice.

Unfortunately, came in to Stoney smoking. Jeeez. When I broke his stones re: using the broken back door, "why don't you buy another one?" Yes, the kid IS clueless. THEY wanted a dog, didn't walk him as a puppy, threw him in the backyard to shit, didn't clean it up. Dog wants to come in, scratches the shit outta the door, door ruined. But I should buy another door. Got smoke?

Yesterday, did Grete's. did well, Especially for my age and condition, did VERY well.

Happy Birthday to me! Another year, getting better!!!

Day 1938

Brrr!

47 degs, perfect running weather, shitty standing around weather!

Got Grete's this am, good. Between today and next week, couple'a halves. This added to The Manhattan Run will serve me well for The Big One.

Day 1937

Happy Saturday!

Rain, so no miles, gym'd it instead.

Came in last night, it asked if I'd worked. My response "Did you?" As if it has the right to even ask?

Manana, a run we'd all done when we were a cohesive group, I miss those days...it is what it is.

Nice to actually chillax for a day, though rain DOES suck.

Saw Gone Girl w/my peeps, they said the same thing: "Sybil's in a movie?"

Day 1936

TGIF

A REALLY good week. Paid down my credit card, almost there! No charges, again. Making tangible headway in all aspects.

Physically? Doing really well also. Arms are where I want 'em to be. My knee was awful, walking was bad, but when I got my run on yesterday, all was well. Thinking it must'a been something like one of those chiropractic deals-you know, pops back into place? With the new gig, lots of knee twisting, no wonder.

This am, cool and crisp, gotta get those miles!

Got a call from a peep whose knee is out, causing 'em to defer the Big One to next year. Perfect example of my theory. Person was smoking me, running really well, but under meds for their knee. I'd rather work through it, as the meds mask the pain, during which time you can do some real damage. Such was their case. Unfortunately, this also means they can't run for weeks. I'd lose my mind.

Came in last night, Bitch sleeping. Up this am, Bitch still sleeping, great start to a day!

Day 1935

Again, let's do the math...

Yesterday, out of the blue, It calls, raging about tape I used.

Yes...tape.

I had books in a bag, protected from rain etc...It hadda take the bag, leaving books exposed.

Replacing the bag, I made it a point to secure the bag with tape.

Of course the tape had been in a drawer, used the last of it.

So, it's ok to intrude, disrupt my shit. But God forbid I actually (gasp!) use tape.

Call the a lawyer you fucking psycho.

Spin in the am (rained).

Had the first meeting about the promotion gig, nice, then to the cabin for the rest of the day, Really good peeps to hang with.

Day 1934

!!!!!

Been on this new gig a month, got promoted! Nice. Hard work DOES pay off!

Then, came back to Toxichouse, again, crucial error. Stoney sleeping. Hulk, sleeping. Few moments later, Bitch pulls in, garbage bag on the roof of the car, Stoney's car (It's car STILL in the neighbor's driveway). Why the garbage bag? Moonroof won't close, no interior lights (electric problem?).

So, let's do the math.

2 cars, neither works.

2 cars, both hooptys.

2 cars, between the 2 of them=one whole car.

Ripped off the property tax check, hope that covers at least the repair of part of one car.

Stoney? After smoking away summer, filed for college too late. Really starting to take after Mommy.

Sink full of dishes, he was supposed to wash them, It did. The great enabler. Good think it lives and breathes AA.

Starting to notice a trend? Everything It touches turns to shit.

Glad I got a promotion.

But you know me...I need counseling...........................