ANOTHER script not followed

Pret bailed on Spin, then the instructor didn't show. FUCK! This happens once every six months or so. Really not a bad thing, my knees can use a rest day, but THIS is the ONE thing I THOUGHT I could count on. Fuck it. Had the rental/loaner, so headed home to do wash, then head back out. As I get ready to shower, phone rings, veeeeehicle ready!

So, what have we learned. Shit happens as it should.

Yin/Yang

Cheap Trick ROCKED! Who'd have thought the opening band would blow the main act away. Frampton was ok, but Cheap Trick? WOW! Played 1:45 and blew his puppy ass away.

Got my run in this am, beat the rain, did ok. then...THEN...a pop, and the driver's side window drops. FUCK! Meanwhile, yesterday I'm looking over my insurance policy looking @ how I can save a buck. Thank GOD I have the coverage I do. Got a $100 deductible, a rental car, awaiting the repair. I'll be ok.

Shit happens, but did SO muich shit hadda happen THIS YEAR?

THIS is why God gave us Cheap Trick. They always deliver. And, got my run in. Good.

THAT was quick

No sooner am I writing about Stoney and I splitting the router, THEN, he BURSTS into the bedroom @ 3 am!!!!!!! Demands I repay his half?????????? Amazing, Fuck me. If I was thinking, I'd have told him to return it. Fuck it, THIS is why I needed to detach.

Wait, it gets better. Took the car Sybil bought him for a ride around the block, it hadn't been driven in over a month. Lo and behold, the next day he asks for the keys. Think Snaggletooth was watching?????

No driver's license, driving on a permit. Hope he has a good lawyer.

Let shit happen

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is s.t.f.u.

Stoney and I getting along, thank God. Hopefully he sees I'm not the bad guy. He's a helluva person, but when you've been raised without boundaries, things can be tough.

Went to a men's meeting last night. Was REALLY good. For once, didn't havta worry about whatever I share being passed to Stoney-you KNOW it's an AA cunt who's violating confidentiality. So, it was good. Who showed up? Kevin! No longer with the insurance co, he's moved on. Good for him. Problem is: whatever he does is the next best thing-he's not the type to grow roots. Fuck it, he's happy and that's good.

Stoney picked up a wifi router, we split the cost, actually cooperated installing it. THIS is the kind'a shit I enjoy.

It's a Miracle!

Neil concert: WOW! Last row, all the way up. @ first I was scared-heights, but soon acclimated. 2 opening acts-yes, WAS tempted to leave. REALLY glad I didn't. Made fast peeps with the guys on my left, they were die hard Neil peeps too-we were @ Carnegie Hall together etc...

HELLUVA concert. Neil had me in tears due to some of the songs reminding me of when Dana was Dana. HELLUVA setlist-with his catalog, he can do that.

Got home, Stoney began interrogating me. I set him straight re: I can do whatever the fuck I want with the house-he was objecting to my removing Bitch's crap-but what was the watershed moment. He was instigating, I responded with facts. We actually had a GREAT conversation, the kind that needed to happen. I cried, he lost the anger. He-again-was my son.

Nice.

Takes after his mother

Stoney breaking my balls re: Its things I'd disposed of. This, the person who regularly vandalizes both my personal belongings as well as the house (HACKING the kitchen counter????) calls me to task for having disposed of the thrift store JEEEEEZUS books It had cluttering the living room bookshelf. This, from the person who created a crater in the den, who destroyed the garage door, who regularly helps himself to my things (you COULD ask???). Good boundaries.

Just like mommy.

Scary.

Thanks!

Good thing I let fate decide.

Manana, a 5k, so, thought either I'd take a day off or run The Line (as tomorrow's race is short). Rain predicted, so when I got up, figured if it was raining, I'd Spin. If not, run. Glad I ran.

Just after the halfway point, ran into peeps, one of which chose to break away and run with me. HIS peeps maintained their pace 100m ahead of us. Translation: my pace didn't TOTALLY suck.

At the end, Pret and her peep were just starting, as the rain began.

Thanks God, I did ok.

STFU

SHUTTHEFUCKUP

Sometimes, that's the best advice.

REALLY glad I give Stoney the space he needs. Just 'cause he doesn't do things MY way doesn't mean he's not living right. He DOES have severe boundary issues (actually thinks I'M accountable to HIM?) but, that's how Bitch brainwashed him-remember-I'm the bad guy.

Patience is indeed a virtue, and sometimes, the cornerstone of good parenting.

One day, I pray he realizes I try my best.

Yin/Yang

Come in, garage open, kiddies in the yard. ???????????????

Surprise party for Stoney.

I was pissed boundaries were breached, but his friends were throwing him a surprise party. Good. Glad I shutup.

His girl organized it and did well, he has good peeps.

Nice if they'd ASKED, but glad they threw him a party.

Got my miles, bumped into DW and Pret. Amazing how many Make Believe Friends I actually have regular contact with.

Happy Birthday

Come in early am from work,. my stuff-again-vandalized. Stoney's peeps sleeping in the living room. Best of all, a DENT in the den wall. Really???? I work and this asshole damages the house AND vandalizes my belongings.


His gripe? "You told Uncle Pete you and mom were getting back together?" WTF??? Am I accountable to HIM? And, we never split. Best yet, the same shit comes outta his peeps' mouth! WHO THE FUCK pays the mortgage????


AND, why would Pedrito tell him ANYTHING?????????????


Happy Birthday.


Glad I work. Really makes it all worthwhile. I work and the Stoned Boundary-less child damages the house, vandalizes his father's belongings, AND interrogates his father.


...but I need counseling.....

Another one!

ANOTHER good eve/day!

Slept like a baby, Stoney quiet/behaving. All quiet on the Western Front.

This am, got my miles, bumped into Pret AND DW. Not too humid, did ok, then chilled.

Stoney asked for a Target giftcard for his birthday. Smart kid. Since groceries are his responsibility, he's looking to kill 2 birds with the same stone. Unfortunately, his mother raised him on frozen food and Haagen Dazs/Potato Chips. This was the queen of junk food. But he's learning responsibility. I DO wish he'd listened years ago when I urged him to budget-if he did, he'd have some $ in the bank. But, thanks to his mother contradicting his father, he has nothing to show for 2 years of employment-other than 2 years of weed. Not begrudging him a thing, he's a good kid. But he has nothing to show for his time spent working. Hope he realizes I'm here for him, I tell him often and he should-by now-see that.

HOW great is it to go home and actually be able to rest???? Wow!

A good start!

Rain yesterday-no prob. Had time for a run in the am, rain came in the eve. Over by the time I got outta the gig. Nice.

This am, cool(er), still humid, but not brutal. Spin in the am, then head to the gig.

How nice is it to get to sleep, uninterrupted.

Turning the page

No more day count. No point since it was originated to note the # of cancer free days Bitch had-a.k.a.days in which my life was made a living hell. Why hell? You'd think surviving cancer would be a joy, with every day a blessing. Instead, Bitch made them 7+ years of SHIT. Later for that crap, the page has been turned.

Didn't think I'd get in a run this am, but the rain held off, nice.

Wanted to share last night, but the speaker was SO full of himself, I had all I could do to NOT walk out. Actually made it through the entire meeting, but I wasn't saying shit with this asshole.

Re: mirror. When I ask Stoney if he did it: "no, but I wish I did." Ahhhhhh family. Can you TELL where he got that from? And yes, he's repeating his mother's EXACT words. Poor kid.

I ran, I'm good.

p.s.

Gotta love the fact that there's plenty of $$$ for weed etc, but none for college/groceries.

Funny, YEARS ago didn't I indicate he should live on a budget, setting up a bank account for him? what did his mother do? Responded with "he should do what he wants." GREAT parenting.

Last night, he (after consuming an alcoholic beverage and smoking) indicates he might as well just kill himself just like his mother did.

Ok, and?

Guess this is my belated Father's Day gift. What I get for assuring all bills are paid.

Remember, I offered to cut cable to pay for groceries. What does he think, I can just print more $$$$$ Sounds EXACTLY like his mother doesn't it????????????????

Live laugh love!!!!!

Day 2214

Huh?


Walked in, actually broke Stoney's balls-he was...what's the word...NOT in a foul mood?


That changed asap. He asked re: grocery $$$. I responded that laundry and food were his responsibilities, I'd handle assuring he had a place to live. He went nuts, I indicated when he wanted to speak about finances I'd be happy to.


Neighbor was doing construction-11:15pm, I went across the street to ask when he'd be done (he was using a circular saw-on the curb!). Needless to say, I was cursing as I crossed the street.


Of course, Stoney assumed this was directed @ him, telling me if I had something to say I should say it to his face, adding that I was a "stupid cunt." But I should enable him especially after this? MY Make Believe Friends can't believe he doesn't pay rent, much less lift a finger.


He tells me Bitch's sisterfromanothermother volunteered to pay for college. Good. THEY have 2 incomes. Stoney fails to realize it's all on me-always has been. Hey, Keith, when's the last time Mommy gave you lunch money? When's the last time Mommy DIDN'T have Snapple??????????


Wonder why you live in a dump?


The a/c the neighbor gave him (are THEY paying the electric bill) leaks, soaking his bedroom floor.


He tells ME I don't have the right to remove Bitch's belongings (thriftstore CRAP adorning the walls), so, it looks like a gay couple with no taste live there.


Moral of the story: He AND his girl work, not contributing shit to the house.


...but I need counseling......


Entitled aren't we?


Bitch kills Itself, others clean up the mess.


Happy Wedding Anniversary (25 years today!). Joy joy.

Day 2213

No, I can't believe it either.

Peeps (you know them as Make Believe Friends) are incredulous. Not one can believe Stoney has zero boundaries, i.e. HE indicates none of Bitch's things should be touched. They can't believe he has the balls to think he has a say. Hey, when you've been raised with no boundaries, this happens. They LOVE his friends crashing on the couch overnight. Yes, we have crash house.

He IS a GREAT person, unfortunately, Bitch fucked his head. A lot easier than parenting isn't it.

If It loved him, It would've set rules, easier to be a victim isn't it. Then again, suicide IS easier than taking charge of your responsibilities-i.e.It could've declared bankruptcy, It could've sent nominal payments. BUT, easier to escape. Good sobriety. (THIS is what Jeeeeeeeeeeezus would do???).

One peeps said it best: "all that therapy worked didn't it?"

Got my miles, hung with my peeps, enjoyed another GORGEOUS day! Nice.

Day 2212

Made it!


Remember when we went to the peeps for the 4th of July, and then I was disinvited? The first sign of something amiss. Hurt like hell, but my first taste of: THIS is what a Bitch does. Good. I learned. Yesterday, spent a GREAT day, ran with my peeps, then hit a bbq. Stoney? Busy being angry @ me, he has been well trained.


Had a VERY good night @ the gig, REALLY busy, then nothing for 90 mins. NICE! Makes the hard work worth it!


Came home, no one screaming @ me, no one threatening legal action, when I went to sleep I actually....slept. I can get used to this.

Day 2211

Well played!

Bitch doin' it from the grave!

Get in yesterday, Stoney interrogating me. "Where is.........did you...." He can't seem to understand how his boundaries are TOTALLY fucked. He has the balls to inform me "and you tell everyone..." how the fuck does he know what I say? Really??? Bitch fucked him up more than he'll ever know. Love to have him poll his peeps, see how many ask THEIR parents the shit he has the balls to ask. Hope he never knows how Bitch fucked him up-oh wait-he reads this too! See what I said about boundaries?

Got my miles, hung with my Make Believe Friends. Feelin' good!!!

Day 2210

Warm fuzzy

Had a peaceful night @ work, dead. From 9 on, didn't lift a finger. NICE! All the crazy days made this night lovely.

This am, the 4m, also NICE. So many expressed their thoughts and support-you know, my Make Believe Friends.

Last night, call from Football Dad. Another Make Believe Friend.

Funny thing, everyone thinks suicide is a pussy move. Also, that it screws the survivors as the ultimate selfish act. No shit?

Day 2209

THIS is living!

Wake up, go for a run, go to work, come home, relax, sleep. Haven't been able to do these-consecutively-for YEARS! How lovely is it to drive home, NOT worrying about what Bitch will have in store? Really feeling good.

Bumped into DW this am, did Spin. Off to a GREAT start!!!

Day 2208

So far, so good.

Hit my meeting yesterday, nice to hit a meeting without anyone second guessing me. Yes, there were the moles informing Stoney re: whatever I shared, but that's good. Maybe he'll learn.

This am, got my miles. Hot/humid, but not as bad as if it'd been later.

Good to be back!!!!!

Day 2207

No, it isn't me

Really annoying me-that bullshit slung @ the wake and funeral. Last evening: "she loved her son..." This BITCH loved her son so much that she took a chance that he would discover the body? Really???


Fuck it all, I ran. Woke up, lightening and serious rain. Two hours later, stopped. Yay!!!!!