Day 1809

Amazing.

Come in, It tries pushing buttons, to no avail. Why? Again, It insists on opening my mail. Not only that, the mail had a bill from It's medical care. Fucking useless Bitch. Rather than take care of Itself-It was AGAIN laying in the sun (smart, for a cancer survivor), It does as it pleases. THEN, can't respect boundaries.

THEN, when I finally blow up (It was pissed I ate It's food. I DO only pay the mortgage and every motherfucking bill), It is satisfied.

Amazing.

What would JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZUS do??? Go teach religion. Go to AA, you unserene Bitch.

Day 1808

TGIF

A busy week, a good week. Hated that period in between gigs, wandering about, no goals/purpose to each day other than to not lose my mind. Feeling back on track.

Of course, I'm STILL the only motherfucker here doing anything, but that's cool. I realize my situation, though remember the post about "my house?" They lay claim to a place in which they lift not a finger? A dog they don't walk or clean up after? Not a cent deducted from their $$$ yet who gets to pay the tax? Yep, whose house is it?

But I ran. Life is good. The Rangers won, life is really good!

Day 1807

Doing well. In my business, activity is everything. Problem is, 2/3 of my team are workers. the other one drags us down. Not a good thing, so we function in spite of.

All I know: this morning I got my miles on The Line. Life is good.

Day 1806

Back.

The people I work with are really a motivated bunch, when they saw I wasn't doing well, they helped. Nice to be back on track.

Got my miles on The Line, closed some policies today, nice.

Ouch

What hurts (besides the obvious)

Over 2 decades without calling in sick, and I'm given the choice of resignation or.......

Feeling used. Of course, I WAS well paid for the function I rendered, but I really feel like a sucker. On the plus side, the gig educated me, gave me a life, so, what the HELL am I bitching for?

Feeling utterly used. Had a shit day yesterday, come in, Stoney vandalized the computer, threw the ethernet cord by the back door, was in a stereotypical teenage rage. Why? I'd unplugged the internet patch cord. Ain't I a bastard? And what is It's response? When I told It that he had some pair of balls not respecting my house- "It's HIS house too." No regard for what he did, no wonder he feels he has license to vandalize. Smoke some more.

Really motivates me.

Day 1805

Got it!

(most) of my mojo, that is.

2 straight days of The Line, and I feel ok. Good to be back. Was lulled into 86th, not a good thing. Did it because it was easy-easier than The Line. But, back to where I belong.

Now, lets make some sales. THEN my mojo will be in full effect.

Day 1804

No rain!

Finally a week looks like we can eke out a productive full 5 days. Good. This "no sales" shit sucks, but it doesn't deter me. I realize-like a marathon-you just gotta keep pluggin' away.

After yesterday's not too sucky showing, gotta lace 'em up this am. Then do the lawn.

Day 1803

Yin/Yang

Yin: o sales

Yang: passed 2 peeps who usually smoke my ass.

Did the Long beach 10m, did well-better than I should've. With The Line NOT part of my daily routine, rather, 86th, I had no business doing the 10m. BUT, I figured I'd better since my miles are low. Glad I did. I did well-not great, but well. 2 peeps who usually place were taking walk breaks. Ceiling/floor.

Day 1802

THAT sucked.

Plans with the job seem to change every hour. I wanted to do the Runday 5k this am, but was scheduled to meet my boss to hit the road, THAT turned into meeting him 90 minutes later-@ noon. So, I could'a done the run. Plus, since the run was fucked, tried Spin class-instructor didn't show. FUCK. Nothing went as scheduled today.

Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!

And best of all, Shebitch is freakin' about cheese that was in the fridge for 3 weeks. Really. Get a fucking grip. You'd think with attending so many motherfucking meeting It'd have some semblance of calm. Really, cheese???????

Day 1801

Work it until it works!!!!!

Got a guy on our team who just can't seem to get in step. He's as big as I was, and just can't seem to do what the team does, i.e.: last eve, we packed it in @ 5 pm. @ 6:45 I get texted asking if I wanted to go back out. Meanwhile, we had a 9 am meeting this guy didn't show for-he appeared after 10, took an hour for lunch (he MUST have lunch), then disappeared @ 3. Makes me really glad I run. Good for my head, good for my mojo.

Stoney? Bursts in after midnight making noise. Really pissed me off. Disrespectful-remember, if I wash a dish it disturbs his beauty sleep. Love him more than anything, that's what makes it hurt. He can really be an inconsiderate asshole. His mother? Useless. It's the person who said-when I remarked that we needed to be clean in the kitchen re: ants: "oh yeah, I saw them." No, Virginia, you can't make this shit up.

Day 1800

Progress.

Funny how-when you get your miles-everything falls into place.

Been doing 86th daily-not The Line, but my miles are making me centered/balanced. Still no aps, but the dry spell is close to ending. my head's right.

Day 1799

Summer?

Ants, ants, ants.

Remember where I sleep? Toxichouse? Think anyone cleans? and It-being about ten years old internally-insists on buying crap, thus, strawberry shortcake crumbs everywhere, hence ants. Normal people clean their homes, then again, normal people give a fuck. Between the daily weed smoker and the eternal victim, not a lot is done re: maintenance. Though the sink IS maintained full of dirty dishes.

Thank GOD I run.

Day 1798

Told 'ya so.

So, re: all "our friends" who now are convinced I'm Satan, It claims the situation has nothing to do with what It said. Rather, from what they directly observed. Let that sink in. How many of them live with us?

Now, when my benefits are needed, they're where? So much for these "friends."

Told 'ya so. Groupies, not friends. All talk.

Day 1797

Made your bed.....

NOW It sees the fruits of Its labors, i.e. paying the piper.

In my business, you write policies for all your friends-you become their insurance guy. remember the people who WERE OUR friends? The people It turned against me? The people to whom I'm now Satan? Obviously they can't be approached re: their insurance needs, Bitch burned that bridge. Now, It lacks health insurance. Might be good to stay outta the sun if you had cancer.

Day 1796

Not a bad weekend.

Did the Brooklyn Half yesterday, finished 13 mins better than last year. Then this am, the Forest Park 4m. What annoyed me (I did ok) was the lack of peeps. People really get into their own selfish shit rather than reppin' the borough. Bottom line: I was there.

Day 1795

:)

The good news: got my volunteer requirement done-in addition to another Half. Did Brooklyn as well as volunteered @ the start corral. Killed 2 birds with the same stone.

Day 1794

Rain sucks.

But everything works out in the end. Been getting my miles daily, Pret's doing 86th as well. Now, it's windy n' raining. Ok, with manana's 1/2, an excuse for a day off.

Day 1793

GRRRRR!

Had a good day, no closings, but did my best nonetheless. Also, started my day w/miles. Not The Line, 86th ave. But miles nonetheless.

Pissed because of what followed. Doing the Brooklyn Half. Hadda truck all the fuck the way to BK to pick up my stuff. What do they think everyone has hours to kill on the fucking BQE, destroying their vehicles, to get a fucking bib? This in the excuse of an expo-to sell you shit you don't need at prices you REALLY don't need? SHIT!!!!!!!

Day 1792

Dodged a bullet.

After getting a $4,896 bill from Civil Service for health benefits (???) I managed-after 20+ mins on hold-to cancel. Thank you God!!!!!

Now my head's straight.

Got my miles, life is back in the groove, now, just gotta close.

Day 1791

Yin/Yang

In a few minutes, gotta make THE CALL. Gotta call Civil Service to ask wtf re: an almost $5,000 bill for health coverage. FUCK.

So, of course got my miles in this am. Did 86th ave, since it's right by the gym and then I can hop into my vehicle to get to work.

Ran into Pret, was nice to have a peep.

Day 1790

WTF?

THOUGHT I started the day well-ran, got my miles, but then.....come in, a bill is opened (must be nice to open your own mail), $5,000????? WTF? THIS is what I'm supposed to pay to extend the same level of benefits I had when I worked for the state? FUCK THIS? I never use the benefits and didn't ask for this level of coverage. FUCK!

And of course, it's opened and sitting on my placemat-with my other mail strewn about the living room. THIS is what happens when you speak with your oncologist more than your husband.

Day 1789

4m, check.

So, well on my way to completing my 9 + 1. Next week, Brooklyn Half.

The 4m this am was tough-humid as hell-2 walk breaks, but I finished. Hey, it was nice to havta only worry about one foot in front of the other.

No Mother's Day stuff. Got it a card, sure Stoney didn't, so hadda. It's the right thing to do. It's plans fell through-was supposed to have one of those gatherings where I'm not welcome, it fell through. Karma. Usually everyone gathers around my bro, but it tried to bust a move, cutting me outta the action. Happy Mother's Day. Really a family event. Right.

Figures, I can finally hang and It manipulates to fuck me. Typical.

Day 1788

So-so.

Did the 10k this am, nothing great-4 walk breaks (humid as HELL), but I finished. Manana, a 4m.

Considering the miles I get during the week are on the job, I'm happy with my results.

Day 1787

Amazing!

Went to an appointment @ 11:30, someone had beaten us to it. There's a significant amount of backstabbing in this gig, but it pales in comparison to the good you do for people. Imagine if they had a major illness and couldn't pay their bills, there goes their house! My company offers help for that, nice. Only prob is people who don't stay in their assigned territory fucks it up for everyone. Oh well, keep doing the right thing.

Feels good.

Day 1786

Crazy hours, pulling an all nighter.

Notice, I kind'a like it!

Day 1785

Another good day!

Was very excited to have brotherfromanothermother and his wife allow me to be their insurance agent. Good people who finally have the protection they need. Yesterday was dry, but still good. made contacts, made appointments. Also, finally got back to spin class, saw some peeps. A good day.

The downside? Since It is so goddamned stupid, we paid taxes. it has zero deductions on the free money It gets ($9,460 disability.) So, guess who gets to pay for it?

Good, It-meanwhile-got ANOTHER red light ticket second week of April. What goes around.......

Just irks me that It takes zero responsibility for anything (using the back door, knowing it's broken, with a perfectly good side door, only to make a point of going thru the den? Knowing It causes problems down the line for zero deductions on the disability, yet doing nothing so It can get a few dollars more-thus-costing me? Poor victim. Pay another red light ticket). When I was @ sales boot camp, not a dish was washed, not a cell of dogshit picked up, but they claim to love him.

So it goes.....

Day 1784

A good day.

Spoke with some peeps, made a sale, helped some people. did well.

The nice thing about my gig, rather than help a select part of the population-the damaged and downtrodden, I now can help a wider crossection to back up their lives. A very good thing.

Feels nice.

Of course, then I come back to Toxichouse where Stoney's pissed I didn't drive him to school. Poor child. Going to be 19 and depends on mommy and daddy to spoon feed him, then damages property because he wasn't chauffeured. Poor thing. For this he insists on using a broken back door to punish me-when it breaks permanently will he fix it? He really has no idea how cruel he can be. In college and depends on everyone but himself. If he had one shred of respect it would be ok, but he expresses nothing but anger. Really makes me motivated. Right.

Day 1783

Whew!

Whirlwind of a day. started with the LI Half, aka, one of the worst runs in the world. But hey, 13.1 is 13.1. Couldn't do the full, no time, hadda work. Not a bad thing.

Only marathon in the world w/o a pasta party, really shows what Long Island is made of-not a good thing. But nonetheless, got miles in. Ran well for 10, then took 3 breaks. Still did well. Since midweek training is disrupted by life, gotta get miles when and where I can, so this was it. Cheap ass medal too. Really gotta work this one outta the rotation.

Got a text @ 10:18 from my boss saying we hadda head back out, then. Our numbers weren't what they needed to be for the week, miscalculation. I didn't sleep well, but after leaving Dana (It was very ill) alone to work, I wasn't about to leave in the middle of the night.

Day 1782

Here it is!

After swearing to never do it again (never say never?), here I am doing it again. The most boring run on the planet. The run that you likely will fall asleep during. The Long Island Half (can't do the full, too boring for words). And the same reasons that kept me from doing it persist-this year not even a pasta party (it DID suck, but nonetheless, every fucking marathon has one), an expo in a dark Quonset hut, just all in all a downer-but this IS typical Long Island.

After, hit the streets make some sales. Yesterday was a bust.

Day 1781

TGIS?

Did the Quarterly meeting yesterday, was nice to see peeps from saleschool. Today, back in the field. Getting my miles in one way or another!

Manana, the L.I.Half. With my week a shipwreck, need the miles.

Day 1780

Big quarterly meeting today. Up predawn to drive upstate. One close yesterday. Baby steps, but progress nontheless.

Day 1799

April, check.

And no hard feelings losing that month. Welcome May!

Rangers beat the Flyers, getting on my feet @ the new gig, resolving unresolved issues with the former gig. Growth. Be better if the torrential rains abated, but it is what it is.

Actually signed up for Sunday's 1/2. Looking forward to putting one foot in front of the other for the sake of health not profit. But I nonetheless havta be very grateful for the cool opportunity I've been afforded. I'm really in a good place.