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had a great meeting last night. Insist on calling 'em "bored" meetings, yet things always get hoppin', Started on time, and-much to my surprise-ended @ 8:30. Wow, I always envisioned NOTHING should last longer than an hour, but we actually got stuff accomplished. We have a good board, which is a testament to my capacity to make mistakes-democracy ISN't (always) a mistake. In AP's case, it keeps things fresh.

Had the day off to sleep in, then go to NYRR to pick up the numbers for Sunday. Looking forward to it.

send lawyers, guns & money!

knew it was too good to be true. After actually having a quiet night the evening before, we were due.

Wanted to get home n' watch a documentary on The Gates @ 7. THAT was a howl!!! @ first I thought they were ridiculous, but my cynicism was rendered inactive when I actually saw them. Wow. Art for art's sake!!!

But I digress. Walked into the house n' not a creature was stirring. Remember this IS Toxichouse, where up is down and down is up, i.e. we sleep by day to stay up too late. Spike asleep on the couch, Sybil upstairs. Ahhh togetherness. Unfortunately this was not to last. In our ever increasing bid to define dysfunction, Sybil had Keith wake her up @ 7 for an Avon meeting. Don't supervise homework, don't cook, forgot how to spell "clean," but empower your son to parent you.

While leaving, let loose with a spate of expletives, why don't you_______(activities to occupy Keith). Good to order others/dodge any sort of personal responsibility. Thank God I was there. Pulled Keith aside and had a Father/Son. Explained I love his Mother dearly, but have no room in my life for Mental Patients. Likewise, apologized that he needed to be present when Sybil runs me into the ground in the presence of her groupies, as well as when It feels the need to let loose a string of expletives aimed at yours truly. Closed discussion with explanation that making the bed, housekeeping is not a child's responsibility, that his job is to be a child.

Of course It returned. Unfortunately. @ this point Keith asked why It couldn't pick up after Itself, esp candy wrappers (it really IS a slum). Needless to say this was met with screaming, i.e. "why can't YOU vacuum..... (fill in expletives, ALL of them)" What is truly frightening, aside from the hurt from the bile spewing from Its mouth, is that It is a trained counselor/social worker. You'd think It would see It's continuing the cycle of her dysfunctional youth-mom a shipwreck/grandmom a shipwreck. It cared for both. Sure this never comes up in counseling. Really a tragedy, for Keith and I.

Glad I had alone time with him-like he couldn't have figured it out, but it helps to have one sane (?) party involved.

So...@ 10:10 pm the vacuum was going, @ 10:30 It cooked him dinner. Need I say more?????

Which brings us to: ST.Francis!!!!!!! God bless the line. Life may go to hell in a handbasket, but one foot goes in front of the other, get them there miles!

Pray for Keith. A better human has never been born, he deserves me.


...send lawyers, guns n' money.....

ingredients

What you'll commonly find @ Toxichouse:

-Seroquel: A Bipolar disorder treatment, for the treatment of depressive episodes & acute manic episodes in bipolar disorder/the treatment of schizophrenia...

-Effexor: Used to treat major depressive disorder, anxiety, panic disorder, Bipolar Disorder.

-Risperdal: an antipsychotic used for hallucinations and delusions. Hallucinations/delusions can be part of disorders including Bipolar Disorder, major depressive disorder, schizophrenia, and schizoaffective disorder.

-Depakote: Indicated for seizures and also useful for Bipolar (manic depressive) patients.

so...why do this research? Simple. Sybil never told me what the nature of her malfunction was. Yet, never hesitated to depict me as Satan to anyone who would listen-usually in the presence of, if not directly to, my son. Really good parenting.

...and yes...the Christmas tree is still there...ho ho ho.

'nuff said Your Honor.

gettin' pumped!!!

Amazing show, E.C. n' Winwood smoked. You could feel they love playing.

After, got home n' signed up for The Big One. Also, a number of other NYRR races to get my Q's in for next year.

Got the bored meeting tomorrow. Always dread them, but we do get alot done.

This am, BEAUTIFUL temps. Was a lil worried last night, came home in a downpour, but as predicted, it was done during the overnight. By the time I got up the precip was long gone.

Did St.Francis, feelin' good. Thoughts of The Big One gave inspiration. Also, glad decided to break the provincial cycle-NYRR is holding the Colon Cancer Challenge (a.k.a. first run of the "Innards Tour"). Regged for that one though it's the day after King's Park. Probably gonna pass on that one. Tired of the Long Island cycle. But then again...who knows.

tuesday tuesday

Weather predicted snow/sleet/rain after sunrise, hadda get them there miles in. Left toxichouse in sweats, changed to shorts n' long sleeves. 39 degrees!!! Yummmmmm.

Did St.Francis, felt good, really good. Trying to rotate running shoes. Really feel the dif. Used the old NB's for the 3 x 2's, used 'em again yesterday, Asics today-really light-felt like the old PF Flyers. Prob with them is they lack support, hence, the lightness. Tomorrow Adidas if conditions are dry, NB if schmutz. Figure if I can use St.Francis as my base, then I can start to track REAL progress.

REALLY cool pick from the 3 x 2's of the peeps on the GLIRC site. I knew Mike was takin' pix, but didn't think they'd be up, near the top no less (as well we should be)!

No spin last night, my skin is REALLY dry. Too many showers/reacting to something in the sheets. Asked Sybil NOT to drag her funky blanket into the bed. You don't wanna see what remains behind.

thank you NYC Parks Dept

the line is clear!!! Impressive job plowing by the Parks Dept.

Couldn't decide whether to do 86th. ave, the line, or spin tonight, but when I saw the temps this am, hadda give the line a try (also, after only doing 2 yesterday-albeit 2 xc in snow). It was totally clear!!! What a wonderful way to start the day. Saw all the am peoples, got back to the unit ready to take on the world.

...and yes...the Christmas tree is STILL up.

Now the question: to spin or not to spin? (just how much abuse can my skin take?)

Today @ noon online apps start for The Big One. Wow, time is really flying. The shoes I used yesterday I last used @ Marathon '07. Kept 'em though I should'a heaved 'em.

Got Clapton tix for tonight, either see E.C. or go spin, then check out U2 in 3D. Decisions decisions. (though in my heart of hearts I'd really like to go right after work to a nice cozy home, but we know that ain't hap'nin'.).

que paso???

STOREbought cookies??? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

...but seriously folks, a fun time was had by all. Many AP teams (I counted 8), we done really good, Strong showing, many real runners, and many of us wannabes. Many who normally don't show or participate in too many races were drawn out-what it's all about. The course actually wasn't that bad, my feet didn't freeze, and nary a complaint among the crew. So of course, I'll bitch that the cookies didn't live up to their usual standard. Storebought Costco stuff. Actually very good, but past years actually had "home made" (by a store), baked on site one year! But alas, we New Yorkers MUST by definition find something to complain about. Suffice to say, we MORE than got our $5 worth. 2 miles, in the snow, surrounded by peeps. REALLY a good time! Can't wait to see the pix. God bless Debbie for having the patience to gather the troops. Kudos.

too many options/you call THIS fun?

predicted weather for today: remnants of 3-6 inches of snow,light snow in the am. Went Thursday to sign up for today's NYRR 4 miler, and when I heard the forecast-turned around immediately. So, do the Runner's Edhe 3/6/9 mile fun run or go to Alley Pond, or brave the elements and do the NYRR 4m? Checked the NYRR Website, due to the forecast, they noted-on Friday-that the run would be considered a fun run, but yet still count as a Q. Hmmmmm. Got a call from Vince Fri pm stating the same. Ok, limits options to the Runner's Edge run or Alley Pond. But wait, the plot thickens, GLIRC's website announces due to the weather, the Runner's Edge run postponed. Wusses. Put it in G's hands, decided when I awoke.

Of course, drove into Manhattan, despite Saturday parking, and took my chances. Figured if it STILL counted as a Q (I'm sure in deference to preregged runners, very cool of them), and as it was considered a "fun run," i.e. no chips, what the hell? If you're gonna run, may as well make it count. AND (the gods were smiling) got a KILLER parking spot-hadda ask 2 NYPD parked across the street if it was a hallucination or did I actually cop (poor choice of words I know) a LEGAL spot on a Saturday?

Glad I went. Missed being my ap peeps on The Line, but got a good 4m in-the lack of distance made up by the fact that it WAS Central Park-nothing to snivel at. AND by now, with the Manhattan half, Bronx Half, Superbowlrun, and today, got 4 Q's in already! Nice! Of course, couldn't keep from checking the scene @ the parkhouse on my way back, saw Laughlin heading for his cool down with 2 of those blue people. Wish they'd come join the dark side.

Downside: felt awful seeing the munchkins sledding. Wish to hell Sybil would act, if not actually be, like a parent. Imagine the fun we could have if we made this a family thing. I quit trying when I had Keith preregged for the NY Mets Run to Homeplate 2 years ago, and she overrode my plans to yet again drag him along to one of her groupies bore-a-thons.

...so it goes...

let it snow?

saw Spirit of the Marathon again last night. Unbelievable movie. Really captures it. Deena Kastor looked at peace only when pushing it.The scene in which she's on a spin bike is the essence of it-you can FEEL her chafing @ the bit.

only 4m today, couldn't do the entire St.Francis run-hadda deal with the unit drama.Wish I could'a gone long. Few things are as beatific as the sight of snow filtering through the trees on the line. Wow.

the end is in sight

glorious thursday!!! Sunshine, freezing temps, and..........St.Francis! Yep, my fave run. Did it, bagged it, logged it. And best of all, I can feel my fingers again! Nice. (prediction of snow for this evening, gotta get them miles while we can).

Tonight's the second showing of Spirit of the Marathon. First showing found me in tears. Really good. Wait'll the dvd comes out. Gonna wear that sucker out.

Toxichouse? Sybil STILL on a tear, amazing. Spike's off for a week and all she can do it bitch. You know it's bad when your 12 year old is moaning "stop whining." Bright kid. (Of course, he alternately moans "shut the f*ck up," can't say I blame him).

Spoke with Tom last night, the NYRR have a 4m Saturday. Perfect! Get ANOTHER Q in before the season really starts! Then Sunday is the 3 x 2's. That one is a gimme. My heart revolves around it. AND we got 8 teams!!!!! wow.

.....so it goes.....

looooove short weeks

hump day!, well sorta!

Had another one of THOSE @ toxichouse. "You're an a**hole, all my friends hate you..." Good thing Sybil teaches religion, not to mention 12 steps most of Nassau-(real serenity there, nice inventory taking). Needless to say, did the St.Francis run.

Does it hurt, of course. Knowing you give your best, only to have it reduced to being portrayed as scum of the earth. Yeah, it hurts. Worse, knowing your son is exposed to bitch who can't shut her mouth in front of him. Real nice. Absolutely no parenting whatsoever, only hate. Yet, the mortgage gets paid. Often find myself wondering why I bother, but as Jimmy Buffett said "...it's my job to be better than the rest, and that makes the day for me." I'd be less of a person if I did otherwise. My only hope is that one day Keith sees that his Father hung in there, that a vow is a vow. And..I'll be damned if Queen of the Damned gets half of what I work for. Hell of a sense of entitlement. 49 years old and still can't take responsibility for a damned thing much less keep a house.

And yes...the Christmas tree is STILL up, yes, we're now into week 3 of no cleaning as well as a mongo dog who never ever is taken for a walk (much easier to let him shit all over my backyard).

Thank God for my peeps. Caught up with Debbie yesterday, missed out on a lifetime's drama in 6 months-Lea, you're in my thoughts. She knows what it's like being with others, yet alone. Bottom line really is: in the end, one goes in the box. Such is life. My Yang got Yin'd. Good job God.

Did the St.Francis run. Hadda. Got up late-when Sybil walked in last night @ 10pm, the "What an a**hole" yelling began. FREEZING this am, but we've been spoiled so far (looove global warming!!!). Was actually nice running after sunrise, the sun coming through the trees...the usual morning suspects on the green line ending their walks as I began my "run." What beauty. May do the 4 miler in the Park Saturday, get those Q's in asap.

OK, almost ready to get my head ready to return to toxichouse. See what disaster awaits THIS time.

if it's tuesday, this must be...

GREAT day off! Morning started off raining, REEEEally raining, then-as if on cue, the skies smiled on the intrepid runners. By 9, no more rain! Outstanding. Did the St.Francis run, then back to the job (drama on the unit). Address the troops, set things right, then go for a swim, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Chill, shower, then a flick (Step Up 2, The Streets). Nothing Oscar worthy, but a good way to fill the void before pm spinning. Lil' ellipin' to loosen up, then spin class. And, lo and behold, who's there? Debbie! Why is that name so popular? We have Debbie P-former Uber Strider; Debbie P-running peep and WebMaster (she uses her powers for good); and the Debbie I've known for 24 years. Funny how we drift in and out of each other's lives.

I'll never understand how people who don't have a goal, whether running or whatever, live their lives. Toxichouse is indescribable (do YOU still have your Christmas tree up???-not for sentimentality either, just neglect). Work is work, but running is joy/challenge/nourishment for the soul. After a run you're never satisfied with the result, but you KNOW you did one good thing for yourself (and thus for others). And the only thing a peep wants is to share the experience and help you be your best. Gotta tune the machine.

I can't believe I ate..........

get to Prospect Park saturday, much trepidation. Do the relay? do the whole 10? too many options. (mental note: talk to God re: this whole "free will" thing). As soon as they promoted it as a "race for the hardcore," you can guess what the result was.

But enough digression. Hooked up with Tom, took the train, got lost, got on the right train (on weekends the F is the C, the G is the F, Wednesday is Sundae's, twofer Tuesday...................)got to Bishop Ford, do the fiddler crab scurry. Tom started on time, I started late (when you see the guy with the portable speaker coming back to ground zero, you're late). En route to the start-4 blocks-terror struck. Empty pockets. No powers gel, no hot hands, no shit. DAMN. Only the GU Tom offered en route. Suck it up.

First loop, so far so good (keeping in the back of my mind that I was running as Steve Alexander helped-could bail @ any time). Did the second loop, STILL not so bad. Middle of the second loop, do the GU (take THAT one out of context). STILL feeling good, despite thoughts of cutting out, rationalizing that I did my 6 + for the day. STILL, what would Steve think? Hang in there, no walk breaks yet, doing ok. See Tom while ending loop 2, the guy's amazing. Worked all night, no sleep, does this mother in great time. Passed Wendy "Killer Quads" Blauman, she MUST be illin'. Third loop, hey, I can do this, until.......can it be.......DONE! YES! Missed my peeps of years past, no Dominick, no Uncle Sam character, no Superman character, but for the FIRST time, finished this sucker! Of course, I'm sure doing the Bronx half a week earlier helped. Started 5 mins late n' still came in @ 1:43...

Ran with the club Sunday, great to see so many peeps. Some whining about refreshment day (Gambino and I were both out). Guess when we die, the secret to making coffee will go with us. (note to self: AGAIN talk to G re: this whole "free will" thing). Discussed next weeks 3 x 2's. Getting interesting.

Day off today, makes it a Y day. Some runnin', some ellipin', night spin. Yummmm. AND 60 = degrees!

it's over!!!

we made it! Another week under the belt!

Spent yesterday eve with Spike, @ his request watched SAW II (kind'a par for the course for toxichouse n'est pas?) Ahhhh, memories.

Call from Tom re: weekend plans, either refreshment run with the AP peeps or damage my knees/curse the course + the weather n' do Prospect Park 10m. What to do, what to do? You should know by now. Gonna go this pm n' pick up the numbers.

Taking today off. I rationalize after not taking day(s) off after the Bronx half (like I earned it with my time???), I'm due. Hope it'll do some good tomorrow. Doubt it, PP is a hardcore run, but GREAT training for the Brooklyn half. Can't resist a challenge.

thursday, 2/14

Valentine's Day. Another day on which I try NOT to be too curmudgeonly-as in-in addition to Mother's Day, yet ANOTHER day manufactured for profit. Can't take it. But, Spike (whom you by now well know as "Keith") asked last night if we were getting something for Mommy. Can't say no to offspring. Thus, another night in which Shedevil can drink more coffee @ 10pm and then eat chocolate, then bitch about lack of sleep, then take a pill. Thank God for Spike. Despite it all, his heart is pure (or he's been co-opted by a consumer driven society).

45 Mins on the ellip last night, knowing no more spin Wednesdays. Miss it, and the fun we'd have trying to outdo each other in class. These wonderful memories are close to my heart. "Here I go again on my own..."

This am weather was perfect, ALMOST went out in shorts. Good thing common sense prevailed. Did what I usually do before leaving toxic house, checked online for temps, said 32. Was really 29 here. Still, juuuuust cool enough not to sweat-t shirt, unlined windbreaker, longs, and gloves. REALLY nice. Did the green line to St.Francis. If you're looking for miles, look elsewhere. Unless it's a race, I don't go there. Why? I'm a guy. Guy's are inherently competitive, even with themselves. I found myself in that "gotta gotta gotta" syndrome, and lost the Zen of it. Happened to read an article by John Bingham that changed my life, not just running. In it he stated if you're caught up in the gotta gotta gottas, start dead last in a race and work your way up. Words to live by. Got back, showered, and awaaaaay we go!

...the next day

snow, then rain, then freezing rain. Even I wouldn't run in this crap. Good excuse to give the knees a break. Did the Bronx 1/2 on Sunday, so I guess I'm due.

So...what to do? SPIN! Ayep, back to basics. Went spinning Monday and Tuesday. 2 very dif classes, but great cardio. Monday is Henri-world beat music and strict adherence to form etc...Tuesday is Richie, more disco and a looser personality/balanced with a more fascist workout. Great effort both days, thanks Y. Add some weights, and some light ellip, and I can call both days successes. (funny how we have to convince ourselves to take time off (yes, I call spinning "time-off.")

Re: The Bronx Half. This one always SUCKS. Great parking, but gots'ta get there early...mon...kind'a kills the idea of getting good rest. Then, 2 loops. Hate loops, HATE 'em. But, at least this year wasn't gonad freezing cold. Blustery, but suffice to say could'a gone with shorts. My time sucked, but it always does. Much to my surprise, I came in about 15 mins better than last year. Tom made it, 7 mins late, but enough to pass me-bless him. Works all night, THEN does a half in under 2. Truly a Strider. Bumped into Elik, the triathlete-truly a fearsome stud. Gots'ta say I know some pumped peeps. Now if I could only be in FRONT of them.

...but I digress. NYRR does 5 halfs, if you do 4 of the 5, you're automatically in the Nike NYC half, thus my motivation/lack of. Gets me to do the halfs, but not gonna kill myself-bless you John Bingham. I rationalize it by looking to my arthritic knees/remembering the docs who told me to stop running/and memories of 360 lbs. Doesn't hurt to know that all that awaits me @ home is a toxic bitch who curses me at every turn. Hey, whatever motivates.

Not the best @ what I do, the only one who does what I do

(Act like you care)

Why a blog? Why not? Cheap therapy/share with the world, take your pick. Truth IS in the perception or distillation thereof n'est pas?

Who am I? 48, m, 6ft, skinny (I hate scales-blame my eating disorder)-if the clothes fit n' I can get into a "small," what else matters? Half Rican/half Belgian. Mom and Dad met during WWII. He was a soldier, her town was held by the Germans.

So here I am 48 years later, married to a bipolar wife-no really, I'm talkin' BIpolar. To her friends I'm satan, after keeping the house together for 2 years while she underwent cancer surgery/rehab, that's what you get; to my friends she's Sybil-as in: you never know what to expect when you enter the house-como se dice.....toxic??? Cheaper to keep her. Home is really fun (why I run so much-more on that later). Add to the mix my son Keith-a very cool stud if ever there was one, and Hulk-our dog-Rottie/Pit mix-100 lbs of mush (just don't tell that to strangers, he's cheaper than ADT).

What do I do? For $ I'm A.D. @ the best drug rehab in Queens, or earth for that matter. For everything else, I golf and run. Neither well, but I do 'em.

"So...who are you REALLY." I'm the Pres. of the Alley Pond Striders, hence, the "potaps" title. This, for me, is a defining thing. I'm a runner. For those of us that run, we get "it," whatever "it" is. We know the Zen of pushing yourself beyond what others call normal, i.e. marathons. We know the hardest part is getting motivated to get out the door, the rest is easy-well, almost. We know only another runner can "get" another runner. While Sybil bitches about everything in order to dodge responsibility for her life (oops, issue there), my peeps only wanna know how I did. We accept us as we are. Kind'a like a relationship, at least as they're supposed to be.

You'll read about daily workouts, my peeps, and my life.

If you care, thanks. If not.....so it goes..................